Episode 4 Walk on the Wild Side

Welcome, if you've just tuned in, you've missed nothing.

The show's not even started yet, we haven't even had the titles!

Anyhow, I'm Lorreindeer Kelly and I'll be your special host today.

We've got a great show coming up with some really brilliant guests.

Oh, listen to me chattering away! Let's get started.

# Llama under a rainbow! #

I can't believe I just asked out Billy Gross and he blew me out

in front of the whole class!

I wish the floor would just open up and swallow me!

RARGH!

Gotcha!

'Oh, careful what you wish for, Sandy!'

Oh, stop splashing yourself! Stop splashing yourself!

Stop splashing yourself!

Oh, ha, why are you splashing yourself!

Stop splashing yourself!

Oh, stop splashing yourself! Stop splash...

Oh, stop splashing yourself! Stop splashing yourself!

Oh, stop splashing yourself! Oh, stop, stop it.

Oh, dear.

Br-r-r-r-r!

Ah, I love playing stop splashing yourself.

# Doo doo-doo doo doo

# Doo-doo-doo doo

# Doo-doo doo doo

# Doo doo-doo doo

# Doo-doo... #

-Wah-h-h-h-h!

-Ah!

Oh! Oh.

SMASHING

S-S-sorry, mate.

# Knowing me, knowing you

# A-ha! #

The ABBA fish, yeah, rock on!

# Knowing me, knowing you

# A-ha! #

Yes, I've scored two tickets to see Adele at the Goat2 Arena!

Awesome, high five!

-Wah!

-Wah!

-Argh!

-Ow! Ow!

-Ooh, ow, my head!

Yeah, let's just shake hooves next time, yeah?

Such a lovely day today.

I'm in such a good mood.

I wonder if Pete will let me borrow his bike?

Hey, Pete, can I borrow your bike, mate?

NO, you cannot borrow my bike, OK?! It's my bike and, guess what?

I'm going on a long, relaxing bike ride to the park today, OK?

So, NO, you cannot borrow my bike, Calum, NO!

Ooh! Touchy!

OK, right...

left...

right...and to me...

Oh, for heaven's sake, Gary!

Oh, can't we just have a nice cup of tea, Barbara?

'Oh, I'm starving.

'Oh, we'll have to stop off for a burg...

'Oh, look, here's one now. Look, look at this joker.

-LOUDSPEAKER:

-'This is the police, you are in a no snowman making area!

'Please, stop making that snowman immediately and move on.'

Oh! Oh.

'Yeah, yeah, we saw you, pal.

'Move along now and don't let us see you back here

-'or there'll be trouble, OK?'

-Will do, OK, sorry.

'He'll be back.

'Now, about that burger.'

Hola, I'm Pedro the Mexican jumping lizard -

so-called because I am a lizard, I'm from Mexico and...I jump.

You don't believe me?

Well, watch now as I leap effortlessly from the large rock

onto the smaller rock below.

From the large rock onto the smaller rock.

Hey!

-Oh.

-SMASHING

'Oh, that did not go to plan.'

Slurp! Mmm.

-What is this stuff?

-Don't know? Tasty though, isn't it?

Lovely. Oh, Alex would love this, where is he?

He's just above us somewhere, having a lie down.

-He's got a really bad cold.

-Oh, dear.

-A real streamer.

-His nose has been running like a tap for days.

-Oh, shame.

-Still, all the more frost though, eh?

-Wait.

-Alex is above us?

-Slurp.

-Yeah?

-And his nose is running, like, really badly? Snot everywhere?

Yeah. Mmm. Slurp, slurp!

This slime that we are all eating, we... We don't know what it is?

-No, we... Oh, no! Urgh!

-Urgh!

-Urgh!

-Oh, rank!

-Gross!

What's up with them lot?

SLURP!

Mmm, salty! Slurp.

# Get your beak clean Beak cleaning done here! #

Come on, ladies and gents, birds of all ages,

get your beak cleaned here.

All shapes and sizes catered for, money back guarantee.

Your nest is not at risk as long as you pay up pronto

and I'm not talking ten pounds, I'm not talking five pounds,

I'm not even talking two pounds - just one pound, my feathered friends,

one single pound to get the beak polishing of a lifetime.

I guarantee that your beak will not ever look as bright and shiny,

-and downright lovely as it does...

-Come on then, give us a clean!

-The wife will be pleased!

-Certainly, sir!

SQUEAKING

Thank you very much! Oh, that feels clean indeed! Much obliged!

You're welcome, sir.

One satisfied customer there but who's next?

Who wants a beautiful beak

so buff you'll blind the birds with your brilliant bill?

Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

AH-ha-ha-ha! AH-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

AHH-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Well, I didn't think it was that funny!

Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

MUSIC: "Tequila" by The Champs

Nearly there! Just one more piece and we've built our own grasshopper!

-Yeah, now, where did we put that leg?

-We've got it over here!

This is pretty heavy.

-Here you go!

-Thank you, Leonard!

Hello, guys, I've got a head, here.

We've already got a head.

Then whose head is this?!

# Who will buy my beautiful fans, please?

# Here they are, I waft them around

# Once again the left and right ones

# Yes, I know they're attached to my hands. #

-'Ere, what you selling there?

-Didn't you hear this song?

I'm selling fans.

I got this one, I got these two, I got these two.

-OK, I'll take three, please.

-Oh, erm...

Is there a problem?

Well, yeah, I didn't think anyone would actually buy one.

You see, they're attached to my hands. I just wanted to sing my song.

-Oh, just messing with you. I've got them too, see?

-Oh, yeah.

-Ha-ha-ha!

Well, on your way.

-Ha! Yeah, yeah, see you.

-That's got rid of him.

# Who will buy my beautiful fans?

# Here they are I waft them around. #

MUSIC: "That's The Way I Like It" by KC and the Sunshine Band

Hey-y-y-y!

Yeah!

Bobbing my head on a branch!

Yeah, watch me move!

Yeah!

Do you like my sunglasses?

Aye-aye, captain!

Yeah! Doing some moves.

Got to fly!

-Oi, swanny!

-Are you talking to me?

-Yeah, you want some?

You want some of this? Want some, do you? You want it? You want it?

You want some? Do you want it? Do you want it? Want it? Want it?

Want it? Want it? You want some? Ha-ha-ha!

No, not really.

That's what I thought. This is MY manor.

Oh, you're back so soon!

You've caught me in a little spot of bother,

I was just resting my antlers on this tree

while you were watching clips and the next thing I know,

I seem to become all tangled up - what am I like, eh? What a numpty!

Well, the show must go on, as they say,

and still to come, we've got loads of cute wee animals

and some not so cute but they're all doing loads of really funny things.

Although, probably not getting their antlers stuck in a tree.

Oh, it's just like I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here.

No, but, seriously, I am stuck.

Could somebody please, if it's not too much trouble, now? Help!

# Llama still under a rainbow! #

Hello, let me...

..tell...

..you a story. Once...

..upon...

..a...

..time...

Brains! Brains!

Brains, I must satisfy my hunger for brains!

Brains!

Or, I could also go for a Mexican burrito with extra guacamole -

that is my favourite.

-Whoa, is that you?

-No.

-It IS you!

-You're that Snappy Styles out of Fin Direction!

-No, I'm not.

-I just look a bit like him.

-Quick, everyone, it's Snappy Styles!

Look, I'm just trying to get to the shops for a pint of milk.

Oh, we love you, Snappy!

Can't you just leave me alone?!

I love you Snappy! Get off!

-That's it, I'm going home!

-Marry me!

-Mwah!

-Mwah!

-Mwah!

-Love you!

-Sometimes I wish I'd never entered that Fish Factor.

-Oh, bye, Snappy.

-Bye!

-Bye.

..Now...where...was...

..I?

There...were...three little...

..pigs...

OK, to me...

to me...

to me...and back to me.

Not again, Gary!

-Oh, sorry, Barbara!

-Oh, I'm losing my patience here, Gary!

MUSIC: "Kashmir" by Led Zepplin

Oh, back, are you? You still want a piece of this?

Here, I was watching that What's New Scooby Doo and, as far as I can tell,

there's absolutely nothing new about it at all.

There's still these four people with a dog, scared of its own shadow,

going round solving mysteries and that.

Turns out it's always the first fella they meet at the beginning.

It's all like, "Mystery-van- Scooby-Snack-Velma's-gone-missing-

"Fred-fancies Daphne- I-would-have-got away-with-it-

"if-it-wasn't-for-you-pesky-kids!" Breathtaking. I love that dog.

Hey, kids, come here a sec.

-What?

-What's up, Dad?

Shh, can you hear that?

No, I can't hear anything, Dad?

Just be quiet for a moment.

-What are we...?

-Shh.

SQUEAKING

Oh, Dad!

-Urgh!

-URGH!

-Oh, that's rancid, Dad!

-Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Er, you staring me out?

-ALL:

-What if we are?

I'll tell you, lads, you will never stare me out.

-ALL:

-We'll see about that!

Honestly, fellas, you're wasting your time.

I can stay here all day, no danger.

-ALL:

-So can we.

I'm getting bored now.

So am I.

Yeah, me too.

Lo-sers!

-BOTH:

-No chance, pal, we're not going anywhere.

Bring it on!

Yeah, bring it on!

Hang on, where did they come from?

Shh, just keep staring! Eye of the donkey.

-# ..world can see... #

-I can't believe it, I'm stuck again!

You haven't got your headphones in?

You haven't got your headphones in again?!

# ..you light up my world like nobody else... #

Dave! Take them out! Not again!

No, no, no, I'm not doing this again!

Oh, David!

Take the headphones out! I'm stuck!

Argh!

Oh, God!

Oh, no!

Not again!

Oh, Dave! David! Oh! David! David!

Ahh! Oh!

Oh, me arms!

Me arms! I'm stuck again!

Quick impression for you -

Admiral Lord Nelson. "Kiss me, Hardy," Ha!

He only had one arm, you see. Just the one arm.

Battle of Trafalgar? 1805?

Oh, go and look it up! Kids these days.

He only makes eggs.

This is another egg!

No way! I'm cooking with my bum again - check it!

This is egg on a blanket, sweet! I'm Spiderchef. Laters!

He only makes eggs.

I'm telling you, sir,

it's only a matter of time before he realises we're following him.

Nonsense, this is a sophisticated surveillance operation.

-Yes, sir.

-Just remain stealthy at all times.

Don't draw attention to yourself and merge into the background.

Sir, I need a minute, I'm feeling a bit wheezy.

Keep up, Dudley, we can't let him get away again!

I've left my inhaler at home. How far are we prepared to go with this?

We'll do whatever it takes.

We'll track him to the end of the earth -

through jungles, up mountains...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, no, no, I'm not getting into the wet! Abort! Abort!

Ah!

Oh, you're pathetic! Ah.

Ignore him, Dudley.

MUSIC: "Let's Twist Again" by Chubby Checker

Oh! Oh, it's the twist!

Mum, Mum, I'm going to dance to the twist.

Look, look!

-Yes, Jeremy, I'm watching.

-Mum, look!

I love the twist. It's my favourite.

And I am the best at it, as well.

# Doing the twist again La, la, la, la, thingy

# And I shake my bum La, la... #

Mummy, look! Mum, Mummy, are you watching?

Yeah, that's very good, love.

Mum, watch me, though! Watch, watch!

-Yes.

-Watch what I'm doing, Mum! Mummy, watch!

Yeah, yeah, that's great, poppet.

-Mum! You're not even watching!

-I am.

Mum, you've got to watch me do my dancing,

because I'm the bestest-est at the dancing, Mummy!

Where are you going?

-Yeah, I'm just going to watch you from over there.

-Mum!

All right, you know me, not one to tell tales.

I mean, I'm not a grass or anything, but he went...that way.

Had enough yet?

-KANGAROOS:

-No chance. No way.

Blimey. You lot still here?

Me and't boys have had dinner and everything.

We'll never surrender.

-KANGAROOS:

-Us neither.

Fair enough. Back in position, lads.

Think you'll find that makes it five on three. Your move.

-KANGAROOS:

-We'll even up the teams.

ALL: Fair enough. We're not scared.

HE SLURPS

Oh, that's disgusting. Oh, no, I can't look. Oh, that's gross.

Oh, nice one, Shane!

The old drooling trick, you crafty old cobber!

Should have thought of that one meself,

could have saved us a few hours.

-BIRDS:

-# Why do birds Suddenly appear

# Every time you are near

# Just like me

# They long to be

# Close to you. #

So, the moral...

..is...

..get a brick house.

-ANNOUNCER:

-'History tells us that it was back in 1921,

'the morning after the Bill's 18th quack day, that he found himself

'stuck halfway up a tree. with his pond nowhere to be seen

'and no recollection of how he got up there.

'Overcome by a sudden burst of bravery,

'he jumped into the unknown.

'After landing, he said to himself,

' "Yes! Yes! I've done it!

' "I've created duck jumping!" '

'And here's our first competitor,

'all the way from Russia, it's...

'..and here's his jump.'

-Wheee!

-'Oh, that's a lovely jump.

'Lovely jump, but what about landing?'

-CHEERING

-'Oh, it's beautiful.'

'Beautiful landing and you're right to look proud,

'Maximilian, you're quite right.

'There's only one team who can beat him,

'the British team of Pete and Re-Pete...

-Wheee!

-'..and they're going for a double jump.

'Oh, they've mistimed that.

'They've mistimed the landing.'

-Oh!

-'It's a terrible landing from Pete...'

-Oh!

-..and Re-Pete's landed on his back, as well.

'Let's have a look at that one again.

'You can see... Well, that is just awful.

'Will no-one be able to challenge Maximilian's spe-quack-ular jump?

'Tune in later to find out.'

Hello. Oh, and welcome back.

Well, it's been an eventful show so far. Ooh!

I got my head stuck in a tree.

Oh, I don't believe this.

And now I've got my head caught in another reindeer.

Oh, who are you?

I'm Wayne-deer Rooney.

What? The world-famous footballer?

No. The reindeer.

Oh, well, here's another animal with problems.

Has anybody got a saw?

-Jan?

-Yeah?

Sweetheart, you've got a little bit of...

snotorama going on.

Oh, dear. Not again.

-Is it obvious, darling?

-Yeah.

It's really quite prominent.

I mean, I'd give it a real good blow if I were you, there's a good girl.

OK, yah. Wish me luck, babes.

SHE GURGLES

-Still there?

-Yeah, still there.

-Looks a bit like a Creme Egg.

-Oh, yuck.

Let me try again.

SHE GURGLES

-Well?

-No, it's a real clinger, darling.

-Oh!

SHE GURGLES

-Is it gone?

-Umm...

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

'Hang on. Weren't you here before?'

No, my name is not Cian the bear and I'm not from King's Lynn.

'OK, then. Who would you say you're most like?'

I see myself as Jessie. Jessie J.

'All right. Best of luck.'

All right, here we go.

Oh, this mic's still a bit too high, actually.

# Ain't about the kerching, kerching

# Ain't about the b-bling, b-bling

# Wanna make the world dance... #

Oh, no!

Oh! Oh!

'Next!'

Pffft!

Why, pick the bones out of that one, lads!

Oh, yeah? Right back at you, my friend.

Pffft!

Oh, no. The two trouser pumps have reacted!

-I'm off!

-So am I!

Oh! I can taste it!

That is nuclear!

Yous two are heinous!

Doesn't smell too bad to me.

HE SLURPS

Mmm. Slimy.

John. Will you please stop scratching, man.

I can't help it, I'm allergic to penguins.

Then why did we come here on holiday?

I guess I just love feeling itchy.

You're weird, John.

But I love you, man.

MUSIC: "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson

Oh, I love this song. I love this song.

# Here's the thing, We started out friends

# It was cool, but it was all pretend

# Yeah, yeah

# Since you've been gone

# And all you'd ever hear me say

# Is how I pictured me with you

# That's all you'd ever hear me say

# But since you've been gone

# I can breathe for the first time

# I'm so moving on

# Yeah, yeah

# Thanks to you

# Now I get what I want

# Since you've been gone... #

Oh, it's beautiful, that.

Oh, every time I leave my home.

That's it. I'm going up to the surface. They can't get me there.

-FISH:

-Oh, no. Don't go! Don't go! Please don't go!

Ah. That's better.

I'll get up on that beach, should be safe.

Hang on a minute. Aren't you...

You are! You're Snappy Styles!

I don't believe it.

Oh, wow! My mum is never going to believe this.

She loves Fin Direction! Can I have a kiss?

Oh, I've got another hundred years of this!

Flat crabs.

Iguana!

'And this is a late entry.

'It's the Chinese team.

'A dual effort here from the twins,

-'Jum and Lee Ping.'

-Wheeee!

'First up, Jum.

'Effortless descent, there, full of...'

'Here comes Lee. Jum Ping, followed by Lee Ping.

'How will they land?

'Not bad. It's a lovely close landing.

'And yes, it's a silver

'for the Chinese team.

'Let's have another look at that one.

A fabulous ending to these sporting procedures.

Good night.

CHEERING

Oh. Ooh. Oooh. Oooh.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Ooh. Ho-whoo.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Oooh.

HE COUGHS

Oh, I don't seem to be getting the hang of this. Oooh.

Ooooooh.

Oh, hello. Something's happening.

How-whooooo!

How-whooooo!

Oooh!

Nailed it.

OK. Right, left,

right, and to me.

Oh, for heaven's sake, Gary!

Can't we just have a nice cup of tea, Barbara?

Oh, look at the sun. We should have a barbecue.

I wonder if Pete fancies some chicken drumsticks. Oi, Pete!

Shall I get the barbie out and grill some chicken drumsticks?

No! I do not want chicken drumsticks or a barbecue!

I do love chicken drumsticks,

but I do not want chicken drumsticks today!

Today is Tuesday and I always, always

eat fish fingers on a Tuesday!

OK, Callum? So, no, no chicken drumsticks!

Oooh! Touchy!

All right?

-# Boom, boom, boom

-# Ai, ai

-# Boom, boom, boom

-# Ai, ai

# Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom

# Win or lose

# Sink or swim

# One thing is certain We'll never give in

# Side by side

# Hand in hand

# We'll all stand together... #

Wheeee!

Wheeee!

Wheeee!

Wheeee!

# We all stand

# Together. #

Hi, there, and welcome back. I'm Lorreindeer Kelly

and you wouldn't believe

what's happened to me since you've been away.

I'm finally free from that Wayne-deer Rooney,

but the weather's taken a severe turn for the worse.

Still, at least I've got my dignity back.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoaaaaa...

SHE CRASHES

Goodbye, everybody! Hope you enjoyed the show!

Oh, no! Not another tree!

The...

..end.

Bye!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd