Episode 6 Walk on the Wild Side

RACING CARS ZOOM

MUSIC: Theme from Formula 1 Racing

That's not fast! Let me down there

and I'll be lapping them before you can say...

-OK, ready, Jenson.

-What? Oh.

Hello. I'm Formula 1 sheep racing champion, Jenson Mutton.

And I'm very pleased to be hosting

today's episode of Walk on the Wild Side.

There are lots of silly animals coming up,

some of them probably pretty fast too.

-But I doubt they're as fast as me.

-OK. That was a good take, Jenson.

-But we need you to be quite a lot quicker than that.

-OK. Sorry!

Hello. Hello!

Hello! Oh, no. Food on laps in front of the telly-box.

Oh, dear. You should really eat at the table, you know.

Yes, you shouldn't eat in front of the telly-box.

We can't because we don't have one.

But if we did have a telly-box, we wouldn't eat in front of it. No.

-OK, lecture over. Toodle-pip!

-Tatty-bye!

-Fare thee well!

# It's Maurice Maurice the miserable fish! #

I'm so miserable!

Maurice! It's your birthday! Oh, happy birthday, mate.

-Are you doing anything nice?

-No! I hate birthdays!

Oh, come on, Maurice. Give us a smile on your birthday.

Clear off! I'm still miserable. Even on my birthday.

# It's Maurice Maurice the miserable fish! #

Urgh! I hate that theme tune!

FUNKY MUSIC, RECORDS SCRATCHING

Night-time... Daytime!

Night-time... Daytime!

Night-time... Daytime!

-Do you ever wonder why you're still single, Gareth?

-Nope. Daytime!

And I'm not called Gareth any more. Night-time!

-So what are you called now?

-Night-time Daytime!

-That'll never catch on, you know.

-Yes, it will.

Night-time... Daytime!

Oh, I can't believe this. She's half-an-hour late already.

I specifically said, by the rocks on the sand. Where is she now?

Where is that idiot? There's no sign of him at all.

15 minutes he's kept me waiting here with my lovely new tiara and all.

This always happens to me, this does. Getting stood up by people.

"Stand out from the crowd," my mother said.

"Get people to notice you, Sandy,"

No, no-one notices me at all.

Five more minutes, and I'm going home to watch Eastenders.

Just five more minutes I'll wait... OK, maybe ten minutes.

You know, that giraffe has never been "it".

-What?

-In the game of "it", nobody has ever caught that giraffe.

-But I'm the fastest animal I know.

-I'm not so sure about that.

Right, watch this. I'm going to go and tag him. Simple.

Good luck, mate!

HE PANTS

Right! You're...

You're... I can't... Oh...

HE PANTS

Extremely fast!

Oh, well. Guess I'm still "it".

Three hours I've been waiting now.

Three hours I've been waiting now!

Point is... HE SNORES

Oh! What was that? I must have dropped off.

Now, what was I saying? So the point of...

HE SNORES

It's only happened again! Now, where was I?

MUSIC PLAYS ON HEADPHONES

You've got your headphones in. Doesn't matter. I'm used to it now!

I don't mind. I've given in to the fate.

HE SINGS ALONG TO MUSIC

# We're gonna die young

I don't want to die young!

# We're gonna die young Dang-nang...

A little reprieve before the crushing... Oh, me back!

# We're gonna die young Ooh-ooh... #

-I'm the Mayor of London!

-No, I'm the Mayor of London!

No, I'm the mayor.

-ALL:

-No, I'm the mayor! I'm the Mayor of London!

No, I'm the bear! What!?

Come on, you horrible lot! Three, two, one, let's go!

THEY HEAVE

MUSIC: "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk

Come on! Put your backs into it!

THEY HEAVE

Keep it up!

That's enough! Same time tomorrow.

Walk on the Wild Side Productions proudly presents

Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

-Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

-Juliet, I'm over here!

-What do you want?

-Fancy going out sometime if you're not too busy?

Can't, too busy. Besides, my family doesn't really like your family.

I suppose you're right. It'll only end badly. Nevermind. See you around.

Juliet, parting is such sweet sorrow. See you later, all right?

Four days I've been waiting now. I'm starting to get hungry.

Right, I'm off.

Huh? What was that?

Might as well keep waiting.

JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS

CRUNCHING

# I'd take a Flake

# And I'd yoink a Yorkie

# A bubbly Aero I don't share no Kit Kat Chunky

# I'd list a Wispa up there with Twix-a

# A Twirl, a Fudge, a Mars These bars are loved by lemurs

# Especially me

# Cha-kee-bow! #

Mr Carson, is it true the duchess is visiting the lake today?

Quite so, Joseph. So we must practise.

Down...and up.

Well, everything is most impressive here.

But when will she get here, Mr Carson?

We don't know, Joseph, so we must be on our webbed toes.

Down...and up.

Oh, quite splendid surroundings.

-Down...and up.

-Oh, thank you.

I think she's coming, Mr Carson. Shall we bow?

No, that's not the Duchess, Joseph.

I think it is, sir. Down...and up.

Yes, it was. Why didn't you warn me, Joseph? This is all your fault.

Now, with me now. Let's go. Down...and up.

TELEPORTING MACHINE WHOOSHES

At last! We have teleported ourselves onto Planet Earth.

We are now ready to invade.

No weapon made by mankind can pass through our high-tech armour.

We are invincible!

We shall defeat the humans and then the world shall be ours!

HE LAUGHS EVILLY

Eh...I think there might be a problem.

What's that, Xanthia Turner?

We are absolutely tiny.

Oh, blast! Well, back we go.

TELEPORTING MACHINE WHOOSHES

Mum and Dad are out. Time to find my birthday present.

I bet they've hidden it under the ice again. They are so predictable!

What's that? It looks like a bike. That would be good.

No, wait, it looks like a Wii U. That's going to be ruined.

Wait, it could even be the Blu-ray Dark Knight trilogy.

I don't even like Batman!

Is it an InnoTab 2? A Furby? Lego: The Hobbit - Attack of the Wargs?

A Let's Rock Elmo? A weekend for two at Euro Disney? Went there last year.

Is it an iPhone 5? That is well sick!

Whoa! Argh!

That is freezing! Oh, my life. What was I thinking?

Oh, no - it's fish... Again!

-Tony!

-What?

-Tony!

-What?

-Cup of tea! I'm parched!

Well, you only have to ask!

-There's no need to shout! Is there, Mum?

-What?

-Mum!

-What!?

I said to Granddad if he wants a cup of tea, there's no need to shout!

-No need to what!?

-Shout!

-I am shouting!

-No, not you, Granddad!

-What about Granddad?

-Nevermind!

-What?

-I said nevermind!

Where's my tea!?

HE SIGHS

This tree has really gone downhill since that lot moved in.

Oi! Speak up!

Hello, again. Jenson Mutton here.

Sure, I'm a Formula 1 sheep racing champion,

but of course that's not all I can do. No. No way!

I can also do very good impressions of Formula 1 sheep. Check this out.

HE MAKES RACING NOISE

And here's the one with engine trouble.

HE MAKES SPLUTTERING NOISE

Oh, no! There's someone on my tail!

HE MAKES RACING NOISE

Well, personally, I think your impressions are the pits.

-What!? Well, you try and do a better job then.

-Fine!

RACING CARS ZOOM

Oh! Play the next clip then.

Coming soon to CBBC -

our new beach drama, Blubwatch.

MUSIC: Theme from Baywatch

Help!

Actually, it might not be coming soon.

Help!

Looks a bit rubbish.

Right. Finally a bit of peace and quiet. No-one around.

A bit of me time.

Time to kick back and relax.

Oh, yes.

Oh!

HE BREAKS WIND Oh, that is bad!

That even smells underwater.

ROCK MUSIC

# Oh, yeah!

# Rock lizard!

# That's me! #

Oh, it's a bit lonely out here.

I think I'll try my new cloning machine out, I think.

-Hello, meerkat one.

-Hello!

-Nice work.

-Hey, can I have a go?

-Be my guest!

-Hello, meerkats one and two.

-BOTH: Hello!

-Mind if I clone?

-Be our guest.

-Oh, hello.

-ALL: Hello!

-Mind if I...?

-Be our guest.

-Hello!

-ALL: Hello! Be our guest.

-Hello.

-ALL: Hello!

I think we should stop now

and invent a clone recycling machine or something.

ALL: OK.

And now it's time for some turkey beatboxing.

THEY BEATBOX

-How extraordinary!

-RECORD SCRATCHES

Respect to the massive turkey.

Oh, I mean turkey massive.

There's a daddy...

Eh...

..mummy bear...and baby...

..bear.

-Ooh! What's in there?

-SHE SLURPS

Ooh, chocolate milkshake!

My favourite.

Still a bit left.

Ooh, delicious!

# It's Tony, Tony the easily-impressed chimpanzee. #

Wow!

Oh...my word.

That is amazing. Wow!

Sheila? Sheila!? Come and have a look at this.

What is it?

There's this big, white, fluffy marshmallow thing

right above our heads.

-Oh, Tony, that's just a cloud.

-A cloud.

Wow!

That is amazeballs.

Ooh! A juicy rabbit.

I am starving.

Now, remember your training, Craig.

Be stealthy, no sudden movements, slowly-slowly-catchy-bunny.

Hang on.

Well, that's odd. Very strange.

Yes, that is much bigger than it looked from back there.

HE GRUNTS

You're not a rabbit, are you? Are those big ears or sharp horns?

Get out of it!

Whoa! I really should have my eyes tested.

Oh... Oh. Look, a juicy rabbit. I am starving.

-So I said to him, "Don't talk to me like that."

-Yeah.

-I'll tell my mum, she'll tell your mum. You'll be in trouble.

-Yeah.

-How dare she say that to me?

-I know.

-It wasn't even my fault.

-I wasn't even there.

-No.

-She comes up to me and starts accusing me.

I'm like, "Don't judge, sweetheart, because no-one can judge me."

-They can't.

-Talk to the hand.

-No.

She was all up in my face, giving it this attitude.

-No, that's...

-I was like, "No way are you doing that." What do you think?

Er... No, sorry, I didn't catch that. Say that again.

THEY SING IN HARMONY

Ooh... Oh, I nearly fell!

Nearly fell off the...

Oh, no. That's...

Right. Yeah, funny. Who put butter on the branch?

Me!

Oh. I wasn't expecting that.

Argh! Oh, no. Urgh!

What's wrong with me? Argh! Somebody help!

Please. Ow!

Well, I'm no doctor, but it's probably an allergy.

Like, with my uncle, he only has to look at a cat and he sneezes.

A sneeze? This is more than a sneeze.

I'm turning into some sort of mutant bird.

HE GRUNTS AND ROARS

MUSIC: "Thriller" by Michael Jackson

Yes, well, like I said, I'm no doctor.

Could be cramp.

Or maybe tennis elbow?

HE GRUNTS

And the moral...

..is...

..lock your front door.

And in at number 563 this week, it's Vulture Club

with their informative hit, We Are Vultures.

# Why kill a creature when someone else can do it for you?

# Leave it alone!

# Watch out if you are dying because we'll probably come and gnaw you

# Yeah!

# Because we are vultures and we're slick and cultured

# We prey on the sick and damaged

# Don't judge us, we are famished.

# Absolutely starving!

# Little fluffy you

-# We wee down our legs

-Down our legs!

# It kills all the germs from wading through the dead

# Another fact for you

# We vomit when we're hunted

# It makes us more light for taking flight...

I'm going to be sick!

# ..Yes, we are vultures And we are slick and cultured

# We prey on the sick and damaged Don't judge us, we are famished. #

Welcome back, everybody.

Just having a quick pit stop.

-Everything OK?

-Yeah.

Just about done, Jenson.

Careful! That tickles a bit.

-There you go.

-Right. Thank you.

Might as well just stand around here a bit longer

and watch some other sporting legends.

And welcome along, viewers.

We're about to start here

at the world one-legged balancing championships

between two of the very greatest contestants.

We're waiting for... Oh, there we go!

And we're off. On the right there, we have Long Ron Silver.

Yes, he is a descendant of Long John Silver.

And on the left there, all the way from Liverpool, we have John Lean-on.

Let's see what they've got up their sleeves - or down their trousers!

Absolutely motionless. This is the most excited I've been in years.

I was only... Oh, he's moved! He's fallen. John Lean-on has fallen.

Look at the shock on his face.

He's trying to continue as if nothing's happened,

but surely he can't get away with that.

No, the judge is in there looking at him. He's got to go.

He was moving his head.

That's a clear signal for John Lean-on to leave the arena.

But John's just ignoring him.

Meanwhile, look at the concentration on Long Ron Silver's face.

The judge is furious. He's going to get security.

-ALL:

-Cheat, cheat, cheat!

-The crowd have gone crazy. Look at them.

They're chanting he's a cheat or something. They're simply disgusted.

Well, I'm sorry witnessed such disappointing behaviour, viewers.

We'll see you again next year

at the world one-legged balancing championships. Goodbye.

Can I put my leg down, please? Ooh!

# Oh, we're halfway there

# Oh, living on a... #

Living on a... How does that go again?

Living on a... No, that's gone.

Living on a bear?

Ah... Oh...

Oh, it's gone. I thought I was going to sneeze.

Oh... No. I'm all right.

Oh... No.

No. I'm all right.

AH-CHOO!

Oh! Ah-choo!

Bless me!

Hello, this is Jumbo Trunksmith for Wild Side Travel News.

Any would-be travellers should avoid the bit of desert

with the red leaves and a few scattered branches

as we've recently received

this helicopter footage of a mini elephant pile-up

that was pretty nasty.

Hopefully the desert will be back to normal soon

but I'd just go around them until then.

That's Jumbo Trunksmith reporting.

Oh, good grief, Terry. What happened to you?

-Did the dog flip you over or something?

-No.

-Was there an earthquake, Tel? I never felt an earthquake.

-No.

Did you trip and fall shell over feet, Terry? Have you been skydiving?

Did you fall out of a rollercoaster? Tel? Terry? Tel?

No!

Tammy, this is just how I'm living now, upside down.

Why, though? You look stuck, Terry.

Are you stuck? Cos you look stuck. Terry? Terry? Terry, are you stuck?

No!

I'm just fed up of carrying this shell around on my back.

It's much more comfortable this way.

How will you get around now, Terry?

How will you move, Terry? You can't walk. Tel? Tel?

You can't walk, can you? Tel? Terry?

No! I can't walk, Tammy,

but I'm fine. Just give me a bit of peace.

OK, Tel. Give us a shout if you need anything, mate.

Yeah, thanks.

Ooh! All the blood's gone to my head, though.

And I think I'm stuck. Tammy!

Tammy!

TAM-MY!

FUNKY MUSIC, RECORDS SCRATCHING

-Oh, no! They've stolen it again.

-Have you got it?

-Yeah, I've got it.

-Quick, he's coming. Run!

-Oi! I want a word with you.

-Leg it!

Where is it? Come back here now.

Don't think I won't... Ow! Who left that there?

Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

-Come on. Where are you?

-Quick, get up here.

No good hiding. You won't escape from me.

Ow! Another camera. Who's leaving these?

-I think we got away with it.

-I think he's gone. Has he?

You can run, but you can't hide. Where is it?

Ow! Another camera!

Ooh, those banana bandits,

they've only gone and nicked Terry's favourite banana.

I've been awake for days. Weeks.

Look at my eyes! Look at them!

They used to be pure white.

Someone, please, please sing me a lullaby!

# Frogaby froggy on the frogtops

# When the frog breaks the cradle will frog... #

It's not working! I'm never going to get to sleep.

Oh!

Ah... No, it's all right. It's gone. it's gone.

Ah... Oh... No, it's gone. Not going to...

AH-CHOO!

Oh. No, that was unexpected.

Ah-choo!

AH-CHOO!

Oh. That's the last one. AH-CHOO!

AH-CHOO! I think I'm allergic to snow.

Hey! Have you met the cutest bird in the world?

# Cutest, cutest, cutest, cutest The cutest bird in the world

# Cutest, cutest, cutest, cutest, cutest

# She's so cute, she's the cutest thing you've ever seen

# Cutest, cutest, cutest, cutest The cutest bird in the world

# She's got a bright red belly She loves her cake and jelly

# Cute, cute, cute The cutest bird in the world. #

Cute, but I once tore the stripes off a tiger, so watch it.

# The cutest bird in the world! #

-Darren?

-What is it?

Do you think buying these magnetic horns was a good idea?

Oh, yeah. Terrific. Oh, hang on!

Hey. Hey!

-No, I can't stop!

-The force is stronger than I thought.

Personally, I like headbanging.

-There's only one thing worse than magnetic horns.

-Argh!

Magnetic bottoms! Come on!

Oh. I think I'll just e-mail my friend, Siobhan.

D...

E....

A...

R... That's "dear". Space.

S...

H...

I...

V... O...

That's not it. How do you spell...

Oh, maybe I'll just give her a call instead.

SHE GIGGLES

Hungry Hungry Toadies! It's a new game for all the family.

Just look at Hungry Hungry Toad eat all the termites.

Is he hungry? You bet! He's Hungry Hungry Toad! Whoa!

Is it dinner time? It's always dinner time with Hungry Hungry Toad.

He's hungry. He's a toad. It's Hungry Hungry Toadies!

Hungry Hungry Toadies! the game everyone can enjoy,

except termites.

Hungry Hungry Toadies! In all good jungle shops now!

Ribbit!

This branch isn't easy to hold on to.

Hang on - I think I can taste butter on here.

Oh, I'm slipping.

I'm slipping. Oh!

A-a-rgh!

That was shocking. There was butter on the branch.

Who'd do a thing like that?

Me!

Oh. All right, Rick?

-Yeah, not bad, you?

-Yeah, all right.

-Still putting butter on branches?

-Yeah. Keeps me busy.

-Anyway, nice to see you.

-Yeah, you too.

Oh, wasn't expecting that.

Ready? Let's go.

# Doo, doo, doo The Frozen Penguin Conga

# Choo, choo, choo Across the icy floor

# Doo, doo, doo The Frozen Penguin Conga

# Choo, choo, choo

# The Frozen Penguin Conga night for sure... #

Ooh! Brrr!

Oh, it's cold!

Brr!

I'm sorry to say we've come to the end of our show.

And I'm also sorry to say I've been joined by Lewis RAM-ilton.

Well done, mate. You've done a great job.

Can you just leave me to sign off the show, please?

As I was saying, it's the end of today's episode...

Really impressed with your presenting, Jenson. Seriously.

Right. Lewis, please. Honestly. Just leave me alone.

Where was I? It's the end of our show and...

It's just a shame your driving's not as good as your presenting.

HE LAUGHS

Oh, Ramilton!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd