Episode 6 Walk on the Wild Side


Episode 6

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RACING CARS ZOOM

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MUSIC: Theme from Formula 1 Racing

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That's not fast! Let me down there

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and I'll be lapping them before you can say...

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-OK, ready, Jenson.

-What? Oh.

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Hello. I'm Formula 1 sheep racing champion, Jenson Mutton.

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And I'm very pleased to be hosting

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today's episode of Walk on the Wild Side.

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There are lots of silly animals coming up,

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some of them probably pretty fast too.

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-But I doubt they're as fast as me.

-OK. That was a good take, Jenson.

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-But we need you to be quite a lot quicker than that.

-OK. Sorry!

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Hello. Hello!

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Hello! Oh, no. Food on laps in front of the telly-box.

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Oh, dear. You should really eat at the table, you know.

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Yes, you shouldn't eat in front of the telly-box.

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We can't because we don't have one.

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But if we did have a telly-box, we wouldn't eat in front of it. No.

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-OK, lecture over. Toodle-pip!

-Tatty-bye!

-Fare thee well!

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# It's Maurice Maurice the miserable fish! #

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I'm so miserable!

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Maurice! It's your birthday! Oh, happy birthday, mate.

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-Are you doing anything nice?

-No! I hate birthdays!

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Oh, come on, Maurice. Give us a smile on your birthday.

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Clear off! I'm still miserable. Even on my birthday.

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# It's Maurice Maurice the miserable fish! #

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Urgh! I hate that theme tune!

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FUNKY MUSIC, RECORDS SCRATCHING

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Night-time... Daytime!

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Night-time... Daytime!

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Night-time... Daytime!

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-Do you ever wonder why you're still single, Gareth?

-Nope. Daytime!

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And I'm not called Gareth any more. Night-time!

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-So what are you called now?

-Night-time Daytime!

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-That'll never catch on, you know.

-Yes, it will.

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Night-time... Daytime!

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Oh, I can't believe this. She's half-an-hour late already.

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I specifically said, by the rocks on the sand. Where is she now?

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Where is that idiot? There's no sign of him at all.

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15 minutes he's kept me waiting here with my lovely new tiara and all.

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This always happens to me, this does. Getting stood up by people.

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"Stand out from the crowd," my mother said.

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"Get people to notice you, Sandy,"

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No, no-one notices me at all.

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Five more minutes, and I'm going home to watch Eastenders.

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Just five more minutes I'll wait... OK, maybe ten minutes.

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You know, that giraffe has never been "it".

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-What?

-In the game of "it", nobody has ever caught that giraffe.

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-But I'm the fastest animal I know.

-I'm not so sure about that.

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Right, watch this. I'm going to go and tag him. Simple.

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Good luck, mate!

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HE PANTS

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Right! You're...

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You're... I can't... Oh...

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HE PANTS

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Extremely fast!

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Oh, well. Guess I'm still "it".

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Three hours I've been waiting now.

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Three hours I've been waiting now!

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Point is... HE SNORES

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Oh! What was that? I must have dropped off.

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Now, what was I saying? So the point of...

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HE SNORES

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It's only happened again! Now, where was I?

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MUSIC PLAYS ON HEADPHONES

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You've got your headphones in. Doesn't matter. I'm used to it now!

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I don't mind. I've given in to the fate.

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HE SINGS ALONG TO MUSIC

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# We're gonna die young

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I don't want to die young!

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# We're gonna die young Dang-nang...

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A little reprieve before the crushing... Oh, me back!

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# We're gonna die young Ooh-ooh... #

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-I'm the Mayor of London!

-No, I'm the Mayor of London!

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No, I'm the mayor.

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-ALL:

-No, I'm the mayor! I'm the Mayor of London!

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No, I'm the bear! What!?

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Come on, you horrible lot! Three, two, one, let's go!

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THEY HEAVE

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MUSIC: "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk

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Come on! Put your backs into it!

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THEY HEAVE

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Keep it up!

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That's enough! Same time tomorrow.

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Walk on the Wild Side Productions proudly presents

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Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

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-Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

-Juliet, I'm over here!

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-What do you want?

-Fancy going out sometime if you're not too busy?

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Can't, too busy. Besides, my family doesn't really like your family.

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I suppose you're right. It'll only end badly. Nevermind. See you around.

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Juliet, parting is such sweet sorrow. See you later, all right?

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Four days I've been waiting now. I'm starting to get hungry.

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Right, I'm off.

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Huh? What was that?

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Might as well keep waiting.

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JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS

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CRUNCHING

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# I'd take a Flake

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# And I'd yoink a Yorkie

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# A bubbly Aero I don't share no Kit Kat Chunky

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# I'd list a Wispa up there with Twix-a

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# A Twirl, a Fudge, a Mars These bars are loved by lemurs

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# Especially me

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# Cha-kee-bow! #

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Mr Carson, is it true the duchess is visiting the lake today?

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Quite so, Joseph. So we must practise.

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Down...and up.

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Well, everything is most impressive here.

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But when will she get here, Mr Carson?

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We don't know, Joseph, so we must be on our webbed toes.

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Down...and up.

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Oh, quite splendid surroundings.

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-Down...and up.

-Oh, thank you.

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I think she's coming, Mr Carson. Shall we bow?

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No, that's not the Duchess, Joseph.

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I think it is, sir. Down...and up.

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Yes, it was. Why didn't you warn me, Joseph? This is all your fault.

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Now, with me now. Let's go. Down...and up.

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TELEPORTING MACHINE WHOOSHES

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At last! We have teleported ourselves onto Planet Earth.

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We are now ready to invade.

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No weapon made by mankind can pass through our high-tech armour.

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We are invincible!

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We shall defeat the humans and then the world shall be ours!

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HE LAUGHS EVILLY

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Eh...I think there might be a problem.

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What's that, Xanthia Turner?

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We are absolutely tiny.

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Oh, blast! Well, back we go.

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TELEPORTING MACHINE WHOOSHES

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Mum and Dad are out. Time to find my birthday present.

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I bet they've hidden it under the ice again. They are so predictable!

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What's that? It looks like a bike. That would be good.

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No, wait, it looks like a Wii U. That's going to be ruined.

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Wait, it could even be the Blu-ray Dark Knight trilogy.

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I don't even like Batman!

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Is it an InnoTab 2? A Furby? Lego: The Hobbit - Attack of the Wargs?

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A Let's Rock Elmo? A weekend for two at Euro Disney? Went there last year.

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Is it an iPhone 5? That is well sick!

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Whoa! Argh!

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That is freezing! Oh, my life. What was I thinking?

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Oh, no - it's fish... Again!

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-Tony!

-What?

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-Tony!

-What?

-Cup of tea! I'm parched!

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Well, you only have to ask!

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-There's no need to shout! Is there, Mum?

-What?

-Mum!

-What!?

0:08:330:08:38

I said to Granddad if he wants a cup of tea, there's no need to shout!

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-No need to what!?

-Shout!

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-I am shouting!

-No, not you, Granddad!

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-What about Granddad?

-Nevermind!

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-What?

-I said nevermind!

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Where's my tea!?

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HE SIGHS

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This tree has really gone downhill since that lot moved in.

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Oi! Speak up!

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Hello, again. Jenson Mutton here.

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Sure, I'm a Formula 1 sheep racing champion,

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but of course that's not all I can do. No. No way!

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I can also do very good impressions of Formula 1 sheep. Check this out.

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HE MAKES RACING NOISE

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And here's the one with engine trouble.

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HE MAKES SPLUTTERING NOISE

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Oh, no! There's someone on my tail!

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HE MAKES RACING NOISE

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Well, personally, I think your impressions are the pits.

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-What!? Well, you try and do a better job then.

-Fine!

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RACING CARS ZOOM

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Oh! Play the next clip then.

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Coming soon to CBBC -

0:09:590:10:00

our new beach drama, Blubwatch.

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MUSIC: Theme from Baywatch

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Help!

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Actually, it might not be coming soon.

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Help!

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Looks a bit rubbish.

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Right. Finally a bit of peace and quiet. No-one around.

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A bit of me time.

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Time to kick back and relax.

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Oh, yes.

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Oh!

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HE BREAKS WIND Oh, that is bad!

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That even smells underwater.

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ROCK MUSIC

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# Oh, yeah!

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# Rock lizard!

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# That's me! #

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Oh, it's a bit lonely out here.

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I think I'll try my new cloning machine out, I think.

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-Hello, meerkat one.

-Hello!

-Nice work.

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-Hey, can I have a go?

-Be my guest!

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-Hello, meerkats one and two.

-BOTH: Hello!

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-Mind if I clone?

-Be our guest.

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-Oh, hello.

-ALL: Hello!

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-Mind if I...?

-Be our guest.

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-Hello!

-ALL: Hello! Be our guest.

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-Hello.

-ALL: Hello!

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I think we should stop now

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and invent a clone recycling machine or something.

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ALL: OK.

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And now it's time for some turkey beatboxing.

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THEY BEATBOX

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-How extraordinary!

-RECORD SCRATCHES

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Respect to the massive turkey.

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Oh, I mean turkey massive.

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There's a daddy...

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Eh...

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..mummy bear...and baby...

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..bear.

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-Ooh! What's in there?

-SHE SLURPS

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Ooh, chocolate milkshake!

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My favourite.

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Still a bit left.

0:13:000:13:02

Ooh, delicious!

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# It's Tony, Tony the easily-impressed chimpanzee. #

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Wow!

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Oh...my word.

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That is amazing. Wow!

0:13:150:13:19

Sheila? Sheila!? Come and have a look at this.

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What is it?

0:13:250:13:26

There's this big, white, fluffy marshmallow thing

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right above our heads.

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-Oh, Tony, that's just a cloud.

-A cloud.

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Wow!

0:13:360:13:40

That is amazeballs.

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Ooh! A juicy rabbit.

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I am starving.

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Now, remember your training, Craig.

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Be stealthy, no sudden movements, slowly-slowly-catchy-bunny.

0:13:500:13:55

Hang on.

0:13:550:13:57

Well, that's odd. Very strange.

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Yes, that is much bigger than it looked from back there.

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HE GRUNTS

0:14:050:14:07

You're not a rabbit, are you? Are those big ears or sharp horns?

0:14:070:14:13

Get out of it!

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Whoa! I really should have my eyes tested.

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Oh... Oh. Look, a juicy rabbit. I am starving.

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-So I said to him, "Don't talk to me like that."

-Yeah.

0:14:240:14:26

-I'll tell my mum, she'll tell your mum. You'll be in trouble.

-Yeah.

0:14:260:14:29

-How dare she say that to me?

-I know.

-It wasn't even my fault.

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-I wasn't even there.

-No.

-She comes up to me and starts accusing me.

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I'm like, "Don't judge, sweetheart, because no-one can judge me."

0:14:340:14:37

-They can't.

-Talk to the hand.

-No.

0:14:370:14:39

She was all up in my face, giving it this attitude.

0:14:390:14:42

-No, that's...

-I was like, "No way are you doing that." What do you think?

0:14:420:14:46

Er... No, sorry, I didn't catch that. Say that again.

0:14:460:14:49

THEY SING IN HARMONY

0:14:510:14:54

Ooh... Oh, I nearly fell!

0:15:110:15:14

Nearly fell off the...

0:15:140:15:17

Oh, no. That's...

0:15:170:15:18

Right. Yeah, funny. Who put butter on the branch?

0:15:180:15:22

Me!

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Oh. I wasn't expecting that.

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Argh! Oh, no. Urgh!

0:15:280:15:31

What's wrong with me? Argh! Somebody help!

0:15:310:15:37

Please. Ow!

0:15:370:15:41

Well, I'm no doctor, but it's probably an allergy.

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Like, with my uncle, he only has to look at a cat and he sneezes.

0:15:460:15:50

A sneeze? This is more than a sneeze.

0:15:500:15:53

I'm turning into some sort of mutant bird.

0:15:530:15:58

HE GRUNTS AND ROARS

0:15:580:16:00

MUSIC: "Thriller" by Michael Jackson

0:16:000:16:03

Yes, well, like I said, I'm no doctor.

0:16:030:16:07

Could be cramp.

0:16:070:16:09

Or maybe tennis elbow?

0:16:090:16:11

HE GRUNTS

0:16:110:16:15

And the moral...

0:16:160:16:19

..is...

0:16:240:16:26

..lock your front door.

0:16:300:16:35

And in at number 563 this week, it's Vulture Club

0:16:370:16:40

with their informative hit, We Are Vultures.

0:16:400:16:44

# Why kill a creature when someone else can do it for you?

0:16:440:16:49

# Leave it alone!

0:16:490:16:50

# Watch out if you are dying because we'll probably come and gnaw you

0:16:500:16:55

# Yeah!

0:16:550:16:57

# Because we are vultures and we're slick and cultured

0:16:570:17:02

# We prey on the sick and damaged

0:17:020:17:06

# Don't judge us, we are famished.

0:17:060:17:09

# Absolutely starving!

0:17:090:17:11

# Little fluffy you

0:17:110:17:15

-# We wee down our legs

-Down our legs!

0:17:150:17:18

# It kills all the germs from wading through the dead

0:17:180:17:22

# Another fact for you

0:17:220:17:26

# We vomit when we're hunted

0:17:260:17:28

# It makes us more light for taking flight...

0:17:280:17:32

I'm going to be sick!

0:17:320:17:34

# ..Yes, we are vultures And we are slick and cultured

0:17:340:17:40

# We prey on the sick and damaged Don't judge us, we are famished. #

0:17:400:17:45

Welcome back, everybody.

0:17:520:17:55

Just having a quick pit stop.

0:17:550:17:58

-Everything OK?

-Yeah.

0:17:580:18:00

Just about done, Jenson.

0:18:000:18:02

Careful! That tickles a bit.

0:18:020:18:04

-There you go.

-Right. Thank you.

0:18:060:18:09

Might as well just stand around here a bit longer

0:18:110:18:14

and watch some other sporting legends.

0:18:140:18:17

And welcome along, viewers.

0:18:210:18:23

We're about to start here

0:18:230:18:25

at the world one-legged balancing championships

0:18:250:18:28

between two of the very greatest contestants.

0:18:280:18:31

We're waiting for... Oh, there we go!

0:18:310:18:33

And we're off. On the right there, we have Long Ron Silver.

0:18:330:18:36

Yes, he is a descendant of Long John Silver.

0:18:360:18:39

And on the left there, all the way from Liverpool, we have John Lean-on.

0:18:390:18:44

Let's see what they've got up their sleeves - or down their trousers!

0:18:440:18:49

Absolutely motionless. This is the most excited I've been in years.

0:18:490:18:53

I was only... Oh, he's moved! He's fallen. John Lean-on has fallen.

0:18:530:18:58

Look at the shock on his face.

0:18:580:19:00

He's trying to continue as if nothing's happened,

0:19:000:19:02

but surely he can't get away with that.

0:19:020:19:05

No, the judge is in there looking at him. He's got to go.

0:19:050:19:07

He was moving his head.

0:19:070:19:09

That's a clear signal for John Lean-on to leave the arena.

0:19:090:19:12

But John's just ignoring him.

0:19:120:19:14

Meanwhile, look at the concentration on Long Ron Silver's face.

0:19:140:19:18

The judge is furious. He's going to get security.

0:19:180:19:20

-ALL:

-Cheat, cheat, cheat!

-The crowd have gone crazy. Look at them.

0:19:200:19:23

They're chanting he's a cheat or something. They're simply disgusted.

0:19:230:19:28

Well, I'm sorry witnessed such disappointing behaviour, viewers.

0:19:280:19:32

We'll see you again next year

0:19:320:19:33

at the world one-legged balancing championships. Goodbye.

0:19:330:19:37

Can I put my leg down, please? Ooh!

0:19:390:19:41

# Oh, we're halfway there

0:19:420:19:46

# Oh, living on a... #

0:19:460:19:50

Living on a... How does that go again?

0:19:500:19:55

Living on a... No, that's gone.

0:19:550:19:59

Living on a bear?

0:19:590:20:01

Ah... Oh...

0:20:020:20:06

Oh, it's gone. I thought I was going to sneeze.

0:20:060:20:10

Oh... No. I'm all right.

0:20:100:20:13

Oh... No.

0:20:130:20:17

No. I'm all right.

0:20:170:20:19

AH-CHOO!

0:20:190:20:22

Oh! Ah-choo!

0:20:220:20:25

Bless me!

0:20:250:20:26

Hello, this is Jumbo Trunksmith for Wild Side Travel News.

0:20:260:20:30

Any would-be travellers should avoid the bit of desert

0:20:300:20:32

with the red leaves and a few scattered branches

0:20:320:20:34

as we've recently received

0:20:340:20:36

this helicopter footage of a mini elephant pile-up

0:20:360:20:39

that was pretty nasty.

0:20:390:20:42

Hopefully the desert will be back to normal soon

0:20:420:20:45

but I'd just go around them until then.

0:20:450:20:47

That's Jumbo Trunksmith reporting.

0:20:470:20:49

Oh, good grief, Terry. What happened to you?

0:20:490:20:51

-Did the dog flip you over or something?

-No.

0:20:510:20:53

-Was there an earthquake, Tel? I never felt an earthquake.

-No.

0:20:530:20:57

Did you trip and fall shell over feet, Terry? Have you been skydiving?

0:20:570:21:01

Did you fall out of a rollercoaster? Tel? Terry? Tel?

0:21:010:21:05

No!

0:21:050:21:07

Tammy, this is just how I'm living now, upside down.

0:21:070:21:12

Why, though? You look stuck, Terry.

0:21:120:21:14

Are you stuck? Cos you look stuck. Terry? Terry? Terry, are you stuck?

0:21:140:21:18

No!

0:21:180:21:22

I'm just fed up of carrying this shell around on my back.

0:21:220:21:24

It's much more comfortable this way.

0:21:240:21:27

How will you get around now, Terry?

0:21:270:21:29

How will you move, Terry? You can't walk. Tel? Tel?

0:21:290:21:32

You can't walk, can you? Tel? Terry?

0:21:320:21:35

No! I can't walk, Tammy,

0:21:350:21:38

but I'm fine. Just give me a bit of peace.

0:21:380:21:41

OK, Tel. Give us a shout if you need anything, mate.

0:21:410:21:45

Yeah, thanks.

0:21:450:21:47

Ooh! All the blood's gone to my head, though.

0:21:470:21:50

And I think I'm stuck. Tammy!

0:21:500:21:53

Tammy!

0:21:530:21:55

TAM-MY!

0:21:550:22:00

FUNKY MUSIC, RECORDS SCRATCHING

0:22:000:22:03

-Oh, no! They've stolen it again.

-Have you got it?

-Yeah, I've got it.

0:22:200:22:24

-Quick, he's coming. Run!

-Oi! I want a word with you.

-Leg it!

0:22:240:22:27

Where is it? Come back here now.

0:22:270:22:29

Don't think I won't... Ow! Who left that there?

0:22:290:22:32

Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

0:22:320:22:34

-Come on. Where are you?

-Quick, get up here.

0:22:340:22:36

No good hiding. You won't escape from me.

0:22:360:22:38

Ow! Another camera. Who's leaving these?

0:22:380:22:41

-I think we got away with it.

-I think he's gone. Has he?

0:22:410:22:43

You can run, but you can't hide. Where is it?

0:22:430:22:46

Ow! Another camera!

0:22:460:22:49

Ooh, those banana bandits,

0:22:490:22:51

they've only gone and nicked Terry's favourite banana.

0:22:510:22:53

I've been awake for days. Weeks.

0:22:550:22:57

Look at my eyes! Look at them!

0:22:570:22:59

They used to be pure white.

0:22:590:23:02

Someone, please, please sing me a lullaby!

0:23:020:23:06

# Frogaby froggy on the frogtops

0:23:060:23:11

# When the frog breaks the cradle will frog... #

0:23:110:23:17

It's not working! I'm never going to get to sleep.

0:23:170:23:21

Oh!

0:23:220:23:24

Ah... No, it's all right. It's gone. it's gone.

0:23:240:23:27

Ah... Oh... No, it's gone. Not going to...

0:23:270:23:31

AH-CHOO!

0:23:310:23:34

Oh. No, that was unexpected.

0:23:340:23:36

Ah-choo!

0:23:360:23:38

AH-CHOO!

0:23:380:23:41

Oh. That's the last one. AH-CHOO!

0:23:410:23:45

AH-CHOO! I think I'm allergic to snow.

0:23:450:23:48

Hey! Have you met the cutest bird in the world?

0:23:480:23:51

# Cutest, cutest, cutest, cutest The cutest bird in the world

0:23:510:23:56

# Cutest, cutest, cutest, cutest, cutest

0:23:560:23:59

# She's so cute, she's the cutest thing you've ever seen

0:23:590:24:02

# Cutest, cutest, cutest, cutest The cutest bird in the world

0:24:020:24:08

# She's got a bright red belly She loves her cake and jelly

0:24:080:24:11

# Cute, cute, cute The cutest bird in the world. #

0:24:110:24:13

Cute, but I once tore the stripes off a tiger, so watch it.

0:24:130:24:17

# The cutest bird in the world! #

0:24:170:24:19

-Darren?

-What is it?

0:24:190:24:21

Do you think buying these magnetic horns was a good idea?

0:24:210:24:24

Oh, yeah. Terrific. Oh, hang on!

0:24:240:24:27

Hey. Hey!

0:24:270:24:30

-No, I can't stop!

-The force is stronger than I thought.

0:24:300:24:35

Personally, I like headbanging.

0:24:350:24:38

-There's only one thing worse than magnetic horns.

-Argh!

0:24:380:24:41

Magnetic bottoms! Come on!

0:24:410:24:45

Oh. I think I'll just e-mail my friend, Siobhan.

0:24:460:24:50

D...

0:24:500:24:51

E....

0:24:510:24:53

A...

0:24:530:24:54

R... That's "dear". Space.

0:24:540:24:58

S...

0:24:580:25:00

H...

0:25:000:25:02

I...

0:25:020:25:03

V... O...

0:25:030:25:06

That's not it. How do you spell...

0:25:060:25:10

Oh, maybe I'll just give her a call instead.

0:25:100:25:13

SHE GIGGLES

0:25:130:25:15

Hungry Hungry Toadies! It's a new game for all the family.

0:25:150:25:18

Just look at Hungry Hungry Toad eat all the termites.

0:25:180:25:21

Is he hungry? You bet! He's Hungry Hungry Toad! Whoa!

0:25:210:25:24

Is it dinner time? It's always dinner time with Hungry Hungry Toad.

0:25:240:25:27

He's hungry. He's a toad. It's Hungry Hungry Toadies!

0:25:270:25:30

Hungry Hungry Toadies! the game everyone can enjoy,

0:25:300:25:33

except termites.

0:25:330:25:34

Hungry Hungry Toadies! In all good jungle shops now!

0:25:340:25:37

Ribbit!

0:25:370:25:38

This branch isn't easy to hold on to.

0:25:380:25:42

Hang on - I think I can taste butter on here.

0:25:420:25:46

Oh, I'm slipping.

0:25:460:25:48

I'm slipping. Oh!

0:25:480:25:50

A-a-rgh!

0:25:500:25:53

That was shocking. There was butter on the branch.

0:25:540:25:58

Who'd do a thing like that?

0:25:580:26:00

Me!

0:26:000:26:02

Oh. All right, Rick?

0:26:020:26:04

-Yeah, not bad, you?

-Yeah, all right.

0:26:040:26:07

-Still putting butter on branches?

-Yeah. Keeps me busy.

0:26:070:26:11

-Anyway, nice to see you.

-Yeah, you too.

0:26:110:26:13

Oh, wasn't expecting that.

0:26:130:26:16

Ready? Let's go.

0:26:180:26:21

# Doo, doo, doo The Frozen Penguin Conga

0:26:210:26:25

# Choo, choo, choo Across the icy floor

0:26:250:26:29

# Doo, doo, doo The Frozen Penguin Conga

0:26:290:26:33

# Choo, choo, choo

0:26:330:26:34

# The Frozen Penguin Conga night for sure... #

0:26:340:26:37

Ooh! Brrr!

0:26:370:26:39

Oh, it's cold!

0:26:410:26:43

Brr!

0:26:460:26:48

I'm sorry to say we've come to the end of our show.

0:26:530:26:56

And I'm also sorry to say I've been joined by Lewis RAM-ilton.

0:26:560:27:00

Well done, mate. You've done a great job.

0:27:000:27:03

Can you just leave me to sign off the show, please?

0:27:030:27:06

As I was saying, it's the end of today's episode...

0:27:060:27:09

Really impressed with your presenting, Jenson. Seriously.

0:27:090:27:12

Right. Lewis, please. Honestly. Just leave me alone.

0:27:120:27:17

Where was I? It's the end of our show and...

0:27:170:27:19

It's just a shame your driving's not as good as your presenting.

0:27:190:27:24

HE LAUGHS

0:27:240:27:25

Oh, Ramilton!

0:27:250:27:28

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:460:27:49

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