Episode 12 WHOOPS I MISSED THE BUS

Hello, CBBC fans.

It's me Dodge T Dog, and this is Whoops I Missed The Bus.

I'm in charge this week, so listen up.

We've got loads of great stuff coming your way,

like this weird monkey man.

I am the doctor. BOOMING VOICE: Dr Brain!

Do you know what an AMBO point is? I don't.

And the winner of the AMBO is...

And what's been making you well livid?

It drives me crazy!

Livid.

I mean, I don't really know what's going on, cos I'm just a little dog.

But apparently Lauren and Myles are going to tell you

about some of the best shows on CBBC.

You're right there, Dodge.

DODGE LAUGHS

Ooh!

Right, can anybody tell me what a vlog is?

Cos apparently this geezer's well good at 'em.

Pop Slam.

On Pop Slam, they battle two musical artists together

to see who's the best. It's not an actual battle, though.

Don't be expecting Taylor Swift to be having a sword fight

with One Direction. That'd be weird. Interesting, but weird.

Who do you think's going to win?

Taylor, she is one of the highest-selling artists of all time.

Well, so is One Direction. It's a tough one.

Is it a tough one? I'm not really bothered.

If they're going to use the word battle,

they should do Pop Slam between a bear and a shark. That'd be better.

I don't know who'd win.

I imagine the bear and shark would just put aside their differences.

They wouldn't fight. They'd walk into the sunset, holding hands.

They're both the winners.

Don't ask me how the shark's walking into the sunset.

On Pop Slam, they talk about the artist's fans.

A lot of One Direction's fans cry when they meet them,

which seems a bit odd.

Oh, no, wait! It's One Direction.

SHE SQUEALS

Imagine if you cried meeting anyone.

Milkman drops of the milk, you open the door.

"Oh, my, wow. It's the milkman."

Then the milkman's confused, he doesn't know what's going on.

You've got a T-shirt with his face on it.

He just backs away into his milk carriage.

Not called milk carriages, are they? What are they called? Milk cars?

Milk vans? Doesn't matter.

One thing I'm not too sure about on Pop Slam

is when they focus too much on how much money Taylor Swift

or One Direction earned from their music.

It's no surprise that Taylor's rolling in the cash.

She sells tons of music.

Check this out - when she released her album Red,

it sold 1.2 million copies in one week.

Kerching!

Have three AMBO points for some mega sales success.

I think what they should be challenged on, really,

is just how good they are at everyday normal stuff.

Making toast, walking the dog. Who's best there?

Toast Slam. Taylor Swift puts the toast down, butters it.

She gets the points there.

One Direction couldn't even get into it.

Simon Cowell had to get a slice out.

Want to know what makes me livid about CBBC?

My brother Hacker and his annoying TV show. Yeah.

Oh, anyway, what's been making you livid?

What makes me livid about CBBC is that,

when you go to a country out of the UK, you just can't watch it.

It drives me crazy.

Livid.

What makes me livid about CBBC is The Worst Year Of My Life...Again.

It repeats itself over again, over again, over again.

THEY SCREAM

Well, that's that, then.

The thing that makes me livid about CBBC is that,

when Chris is presenting, he shouts a lot and it gets really annoying.

Do you mean, Whoops I Missed The Last Post?

-SHOUTING:

-The CBBC show Whoops I Missed The Bus!

SILENCE

Do you mean, Whoops I Missed The Ferry?

-NORMAL VOICE:

-We'll see you later.

Now, why don't you tell us what makes you livid.

Just get on to the CBBC website thingy and search the word livid.

Now it's time to go behind the scenes of brand-new

Ultimate Brain, and meet a...

A guinea pig. Well, that's what it says here.

You'll need to run your brain at full power to become the Ultimate Brain.

Hello. Guinea Pig here. Welcome to the Guinea Pig diaries.

Everyone, it's my pet - the guinea pig.

CHEERING

Eh, that's not a guinea pig.

That's just a man in a funny costume, doing experiments.

Get on with it, then.

Oh, I see. That's why they call him a guinea pig. Yeah, nice hat, mate.

DR BRAIN HOWLS

THEY HOWL

I'm scared. What are you making me do today?

Today's challenge is going to involve lemons.

Not limes, but lemons.

'I have no idea what they're planning for me to do,

'but I do know this -

'it's going to be humiliating and it's probably going to hurt a lot.'

Now stick it in.

Squeeze it!

That did not go as well as I'd hoped.

That's time up.

Good work, Guinea Pig. That's it, get it down you. It's lovely.

THEY LAUGH

Another challenge that I'm involved in involves a spinning chair

and walking in a straight line.

I'll be sat in a chair, essentially, and be spun round at incredible

speeds like I'm an astronaut training for a mission to Mars.

HE SCREAMS

MUSIC: "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" by Dead Or Alive

Somebody call my lawyer.

Thank you very much for coming to the backstage tour

of the Guinea Pig's world.

This is the crazy stuff that I get up to on Ultimate Brain.

Please come next time. See you.

Ultimate Brain.

Ultimate Brain. It's a brand-new science-based game show hosted by...

BOOMING VOICE: Dr Brain!

A monkey. Standard.

Yeah, this is Dr Brain,

and he has got plenty of challenges up his sleeve.

Sort of like a monkey sleeve. Do monkey's have sleeves?

What the teams have to do in order to win the game is answer

a series of scientific questions.

So, important questions like...

How can you overcome a bad case of wind?

Well, that's easy.

To overcome a bad case of wind,

all you need to do is avoid baked beans, Brussels sprouts and cabbage.

Or, you know, simply let it all out. Go on, let it out.

I mean, believe me, I do.

I mean, em...

In this show, there's also a human guinea pig, who takes

part in the crazier experiments.

Mr Guinea Pig!

Look at him, eh? Rolling around in balloons. I bet he's well fun.

A right barrel of laughs.

How's it even meant to work? Why don't you do it?

So when it goes wrong, it's all your fault.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, human guinea pig.

Who's ruffled your furry, giving it all this.

What seaside have you been to and seen crabs that look like this?

Shield, yeah. A great bit of spin-doctoring there, a shield.

Real doctors, are you?

I wouldn't have made this ridiculous space crab.

That's right, people.

The guinea pig tends to get a little bit grumpy, now and then.

But who can blame him when he's doing such ridiculous challenges?

Do you like it, Guinea Pig? Do you think it's going to work?

Absolutely not.

Luckily, my pet guinea pig isn't grumpy at all, are you, Squiffy?

HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Oi, you, shut it!

-You what?

-Always harping on about CBBC shows and whatnot.

I'm sick of it!

Oh, and another thing. You stink. Ha-ha!

Imagine if you did actually have an ultimate brain.

All the things you could do with a massive brain.

All the things you could do with a massive brain.

-ECHOING:

-All the things you could do with a massive brain...

Nah, I can't think of anything.

My Team - The Cheerleaders is a show about, you guessed it, cheerleaders.

Is it cheerleaders? It is. It's cheerleaders.

On the show, every team says they're the best team.

They can't all be right.

And the winner is... All of you. You're all good, really.

Just cut the trophy in half. I just got a handle.

A lot of people probably don't view cheerleading as an actual sport,

but it is, definitely. It's very physical.

It's too physical. I got tired watching it.

Stunts are the showpiece of any cheer routine and can mean tons of points.

A group of basers on the ground throw or lift the flier into the air,

allowing them to perform different shapes.

To pull off a great stunt, teamwork is key.

A lot of people think cheerleading is just pompoms.

I know I did. I was disappointed.

I'm a cheerleader now, lifting people up every week.

Still waiting for the pompoms.

In the show, I don't know how the cheerleaders do some of the stunts.

-Can I show you my ham stretch?

-Yeah, sure.

Let me help you first. Yay.

I'd be worried if I tried to do something like that.

And now I'm stuck here for ever,

just going around day-to-day life with a leg up here.

Ignore that, I tried to do some cheerleading.

It feels like you're actually flying.

You're in the air and sometimes you don't feel

like you're ever going to come down.

If I had to be in that group that threw someone up in the air,

I mean, I don't know why I would be in that group.

"Get Myles on the phone." "Myles, help us cheerlead, boy."

I'd by worried I'd throw them too high. Lift them up, there they go.

Whoosh. They just keep going up into the sky.

They don't stop. Into the moon.

That's why I shouldn't cheerlead. Too strong.

Opened a jam jar yesterday.

If I was the person being thrown,

I'd want to have a meeting beforehand.

"All right, guys. So, you are all throwing me up in the air today.

"One question that's just on my mind.

"Will you catch me?

"Now, you're nodding, you're saying you will,

"but you can't even catch a bus in the morning."

Give me a P. Give me an E. Give me a T.

It's time for my favourite bit of the show, it's...

One demands a throne to sit on whilst watching CBBC

with one white blanket and one solitary salad leaf.

That is all.

What's this? Slammer is it, eh? Making a joke about prison?

Let me tell you, sunshine, prison ain't no joke!

Rachel's mum said she can't have a dog, so they've got me.

I'm much better than the real dog, plus there's no need for me

to go lav-lav.

Oh, I just love Strange Hill High. I just love it.

Sit down, you mutt!

As I was saying, I just love Strange Hill High.

It's brilliant, innit?

If you want to hear your pet talk,

then get onto the CBBC website thing and search the word pet.

You know what? Doing this job has made me realise

that CBBC is like an overflowing bin in a heat wave.

Smells good, baby.

If you don't believe me, then chew on these best bits.

Which song will be representing the nation?

I know where these songs started and I know how far they've come

and how much crafting and working that's taken.

Really pleased. Thank you.

Right...

It's crunch time.

The song we've chosen is...

This is the very high school that Taylor went to.

Did you know back then that she was going to be something special?

She had a little star quality about her that we thought that there

might be something, but, you know, you never know.

I'm actually feeling a little bit down at the moment, Hacker.

Oh, right.

Hang on, that's the wrong voice, sorry.

Come on, put an end to this nonsense, it's a shambles.

I'm feeling down in the mouth.

It was worth it in the end.

Talking time is done.

Kenny is a top American cheerleading coach,

and he's not feeling cheerful.

Five, six, seven, jump. One and three.

Stop.

Can you guys sit down for a second?

I don't know what pace you're used to working at, but for me

to get stuff done, I need you to snap out of the Lala Land you're in, OK?

I'm not here for you to love me, want to come back

and coach you every day, I'm here so we can get stuff done.

You belong with us now.

I've never belonged with anyone before.

You do now.

ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS

Wow.

She's on to us.

What?

'I don't know how Emily found out about us,

'but I don't want her to know yet.'

I'm not ready yet.

'We're in big trouble.'

Time for one last selfie from her. From me.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

GLASS SHATTERS

Oh, no, he's done it again. Camera down, camera down.

I'm not paying for that camera. No, no. Not after last time. Come on.

-LAUREN:

-Guys, I need to be quick.

I have made one of the most important discoveries

of the 21st century.

SIRENS SOUND

Find me that tape and find it now.

SHE WHISTLES

I haven't got much time.

CBBC are monitoring me and they could cut me off at any point.

But I just had to tell you guys The Next Step is coming back

and the first episode will be on, on the...

BEEP

Right, then, that's all you're getting. I've got to go lav-lav.

What? I've been holding on for ages.

Look, if you want more wicked CBBC stuff,

then go over to the CBBC iPlayer.

Now, does anybody know when the next bus is?

Huh? Oh!