Episode 12 WHOOPS I MISSED THE BUS


Episode 12

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Transcript


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Hello, CBBC fans.

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It's me Dodge T Dog, and this is Whoops I Missed The Bus.

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I'm in charge this week, so listen up.

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We've got loads of great stuff coming your way,

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like this weird monkey man.

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I am the doctor. BOOMING VOICE: Dr Brain!

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Do you know what an AMBO point is? I don't.

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And the winner of the AMBO is...

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And what's been making you well livid?

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It drives me crazy!

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Livid.

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I mean, I don't really know what's going on, cos I'm just a little dog.

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But apparently Lauren and Myles are going to tell you

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about some of the best shows on CBBC.

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You're right there, Dodge.

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DODGE LAUGHS

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Ooh!

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Right, can anybody tell me what a vlog is?

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Cos apparently this geezer's well good at 'em.

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Pop Slam.

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On Pop Slam, they battle two musical artists together

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to see who's the best. It's not an actual battle, though.

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Don't be expecting Taylor Swift to be having a sword fight

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with One Direction. That'd be weird. Interesting, but weird.

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Who do you think's going to win?

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Taylor, she is one of the highest-selling artists of all time.

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Well, so is One Direction. It's a tough one.

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Is it a tough one? I'm not really bothered.

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If they're going to use the word battle,

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they should do Pop Slam between a bear and a shark. That'd be better.

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I don't know who'd win.

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I imagine the bear and shark would just put aside their differences.

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They wouldn't fight. They'd walk into the sunset, holding hands.

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They're both the winners.

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Don't ask me how the shark's walking into the sunset.

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On Pop Slam, they talk about the artist's fans.

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A lot of One Direction's fans cry when they meet them,

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which seems a bit odd.

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Oh, no, wait! It's One Direction.

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SHE SQUEALS

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Imagine if you cried meeting anyone.

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Milkman drops of the milk, you open the door.

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"Oh, my, wow. It's the milkman."

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Then the milkman's confused, he doesn't know what's going on.

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You've got a T-shirt with his face on it.

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He just backs away into his milk carriage.

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Not called milk carriages, are they? What are they called? Milk cars?

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Milk vans? Doesn't matter.

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One thing I'm not too sure about on Pop Slam

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is when they focus too much on how much money Taylor Swift

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or One Direction earned from their music.

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It's no surprise that Taylor's rolling in the cash.

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She sells tons of music.

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Check this out - when she released her album Red,

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it sold 1.2 million copies in one week.

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Kerching!

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Have three AMBO points for some mega sales success.

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I think what they should be challenged on, really,

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is just how good they are at everyday normal stuff.

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Making toast, walking the dog. Who's best there?

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Toast Slam. Taylor Swift puts the toast down, butters it.

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She gets the points there.

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One Direction couldn't even get into it.

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Simon Cowell had to get a slice out.

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Want to know what makes me livid about CBBC?

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My brother Hacker and his annoying TV show. Yeah.

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Oh, anyway, what's been making you livid?

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What makes me livid about CBBC is that,

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when you go to a country out of the UK, you just can't watch it.

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It drives me crazy.

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Livid.

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What makes me livid about CBBC is The Worst Year Of My Life...Again.

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It repeats itself over again, over again, over again.

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THEY SCREAM

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Well, that's that, then.

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The thing that makes me livid about CBBC is that,

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when Chris is presenting, he shouts a lot and it gets really annoying.

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Do you mean, Whoops I Missed The Last Post?

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-SHOUTING:

-The CBBC show Whoops I Missed The Bus!

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SILENCE

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Do you mean, Whoops I Missed The Ferry?

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-NORMAL VOICE:

-We'll see you later.

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Now, why don't you tell us what makes you livid.

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Just get on to the CBBC website thingy and search the word livid.

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Now it's time to go behind the scenes of brand-new

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Ultimate Brain, and meet a...

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A guinea pig. Well, that's what it says here.

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You'll need to run your brain at full power to become the Ultimate Brain.

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Hello. Guinea Pig here. Welcome to the Guinea Pig diaries.

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Everyone, it's my pet - the guinea pig.

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CHEERING

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Eh, that's not a guinea pig.

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That's just a man in a funny costume, doing experiments.

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Get on with it, then.

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Oh, I see. That's why they call him a guinea pig. Yeah, nice hat, mate.

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DR BRAIN HOWLS

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THEY HOWL

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I'm scared. What are you making me do today?

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Today's challenge is going to involve lemons.

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Not limes, but lemons.

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'I have no idea what they're planning for me to do,

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'but I do know this -

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'it's going to be humiliating and it's probably going to hurt a lot.'

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Now stick it in.

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Squeeze it!

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That did not go as well as I'd hoped.

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That's time up.

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Good work, Guinea Pig. That's it, get it down you. It's lovely.

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THEY LAUGH

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Another challenge that I'm involved in involves a spinning chair

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and walking in a straight line.

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I'll be sat in a chair, essentially, and be spun round at incredible

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speeds like I'm an astronaut training for a mission to Mars.

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HE SCREAMS

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MUSIC: "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" by Dead Or Alive

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Somebody call my lawyer.

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Thank you very much for coming to the backstage tour

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of the Guinea Pig's world.

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This is the crazy stuff that I get up to on Ultimate Brain.

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Please come next time. See you.

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Ultimate Brain.

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Ultimate Brain. It's a brand-new science-based game show hosted by...

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BOOMING VOICE: Dr Brain!

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A monkey. Standard.

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Yeah, this is Dr Brain,

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and he has got plenty of challenges up his sleeve.

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Sort of like a monkey sleeve. Do monkey's have sleeves?

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What the teams have to do in order to win the game is answer

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a series of scientific questions.

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So, important questions like...

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How can you overcome a bad case of wind?

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Well, that's easy.

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To overcome a bad case of wind,

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all you need to do is avoid baked beans, Brussels sprouts and cabbage.

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Or, you know, simply let it all out. Go on, let it out.

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I mean, believe me, I do.

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I mean, em...

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In this show, there's also a human guinea pig, who takes

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part in the crazier experiments.

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Mr Guinea Pig!

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Look at him, eh? Rolling around in balloons. I bet he's well fun.

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A right barrel of laughs.

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How's it even meant to work? Why don't you do it?

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So when it goes wrong, it's all your fault.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa, human guinea pig.

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Who's ruffled your furry, giving it all this.

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What seaside have you been to and seen crabs that look like this?

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Shield, yeah. A great bit of spin-doctoring there, a shield.

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Real doctors, are you?

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I wouldn't have made this ridiculous space crab.

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That's right, people.

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The guinea pig tends to get a little bit grumpy, now and then.

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But who can blame him when he's doing such ridiculous challenges?

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Do you like it, Guinea Pig? Do you think it's going to work?

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Absolutely not.

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Luckily, my pet guinea pig isn't grumpy at all, are you, Squiffy?

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HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Oi, you, shut it!

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-You what?

-Always harping on about CBBC shows and whatnot.

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I'm sick of it!

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Oh, and another thing. You stink. Ha-ha!

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Imagine if you did actually have an ultimate brain.

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All the things you could do with a massive brain.

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All the things you could do with a massive brain.

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-ECHOING:

-All the things you could do with a massive brain...

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Nah, I can't think of anything.

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My Team - The Cheerleaders is a show about, you guessed it, cheerleaders.

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Is it cheerleaders? It is. It's cheerleaders.

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On the show, every team says they're the best team.

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They can't all be right.

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And the winner is... All of you. You're all good, really.

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Just cut the trophy in half. I just got a handle.

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A lot of people probably don't view cheerleading as an actual sport,

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but it is, definitely. It's very physical.

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It's too physical. I got tired watching it.

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Stunts are the showpiece of any cheer routine and can mean tons of points.

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A group of basers on the ground throw or lift the flier into the air,

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allowing them to perform different shapes.

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To pull off a great stunt, teamwork is key.

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A lot of people think cheerleading is just pompoms.

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I know I did. I was disappointed.

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I'm a cheerleader now, lifting people up every week.

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Still waiting for the pompoms.

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In the show, I don't know how the cheerleaders do some of the stunts.

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-Can I show you my ham stretch?

-Yeah, sure.

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Let me help you first. Yay.

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I'd be worried if I tried to do something like that.

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And now I'm stuck here for ever,

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just going around day-to-day life with a leg up here.

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Ignore that, I tried to do some cheerleading.

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It feels like you're actually flying.

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You're in the air and sometimes you don't feel

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like you're ever going to come down.

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If I had to be in that group that threw someone up in the air,

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I mean, I don't know why I would be in that group.

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"Get Myles on the phone." "Myles, help us cheerlead, boy."

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I'd by worried I'd throw them too high. Lift them up, there they go.

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Whoosh. They just keep going up into the sky.

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They don't stop. Into the moon.

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That's why I shouldn't cheerlead. Too strong.

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Opened a jam jar yesterday.

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If I was the person being thrown,

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I'd want to have a meeting beforehand.

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"All right, guys. So, you are all throwing me up in the air today.

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"One question that's just on my mind.

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"Will you catch me?

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"Now, you're nodding, you're saying you will,

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"but you can't even catch a bus in the morning."

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Give me a P. Give me an E. Give me a T.

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It's time for my favourite bit of the show, it's...

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One demands a throne to sit on whilst watching CBBC

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with one white blanket and one solitary salad leaf.

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That is all.

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What's this? Slammer is it, eh? Making a joke about prison?

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Let me tell you, sunshine, prison ain't no joke!

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Rachel's mum said she can't have a dog, so they've got me.

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I'm much better than the real dog, plus there's no need for me

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to go lav-lav.

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Oh, I just love Strange Hill High. I just love it.

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Sit down, you mutt!

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As I was saying, I just love Strange Hill High.

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It's brilliant, innit?

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If you want to hear your pet talk,

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then get onto the CBBC website thing and search the word pet.

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You know what? Doing this job has made me realise

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that CBBC is like an overflowing bin in a heat wave.

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Smells good, baby.

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If you don't believe me, then chew on these best bits.

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Which song will be representing the nation?

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I know where these songs started and I know how far they've come

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and how much crafting and working that's taken.

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Really pleased. Thank you.

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Right...

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It's crunch time.

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The song we've chosen is...

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This is the very high school that Taylor went to.

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Did you know back then that she was going to be something special?

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She had a little star quality about her that we thought that there

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might be something, but, you know, you never know.

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I'm actually feeling a little bit down at the moment, Hacker.

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Oh, right.

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Hang on, that's the wrong voice, sorry.

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Come on, put an end to this nonsense, it's a shambles.

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I'm feeling down in the mouth.

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It was worth it in the end.

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Talking time is done.

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Kenny is a top American cheerleading coach,

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and he's not feeling cheerful.

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Five, six, seven, jump. One and three.

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Stop.

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Can you guys sit down for a second?

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I don't know what pace you're used to working at, but for me

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to get stuff done, I need you to snap out of the Lala Land you're in, OK?

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I'm not here for you to love me, want to come back

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and coach you every day, I'm here so we can get stuff done.

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You belong with us now.

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I've never belonged with anyone before.

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You do now.

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ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS

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Wow.

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She's on to us.

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What?

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'I don't know how Emily found out about us,

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'but I don't want her to know yet.'

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I'm not ready yet.

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'We're in big trouble.'

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Time for one last selfie from her. From me.

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CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

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GLASS SHATTERS

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Oh, no, he's done it again. Camera down, camera down.

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I'm not paying for that camera. No, no. Not after last time. Come on.

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-LAUREN:

-Guys, I need to be quick.

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I have made one of the most important discoveries

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of the 21st century.

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SIRENS SOUND

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Find me that tape and find it now.

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SHE WHISTLES

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I haven't got much time.

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CBBC are monitoring me and they could cut me off at any point.

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But I just had to tell you guys The Next Step is coming back

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and the first episode will be on, on the...

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BEEP

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Right, then, that's all you're getting. I've got to go lav-lav.

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What? I've been holding on for ages.

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Look, if you want more wicked CBBC stuff,

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then go over to the CBBC iPlayer.

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Now, does anybody know when the next bus is?

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Huh? Oh!

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