Episode 5 WHOOPS I MISSED THE BUS

Whoops, I Missed The Bus, CBBC's freshest and finest

crammed like tiny sardines into the fastest 15 minutes ever.

So are you up to date with the latest headlines?

MAN SCREAMS

-And has The Joke Machine made you LOL?

-I'm not pathetic!

-And what are this lot up to?

-I'm after you, aren't I?

It's all a bit hectic.

If you want the answers to these questions then don't ask me,

but our resident CBBC video bloggers Myles and Lauren are ready

and waiting to fill in the gaps.

-We won't be holding back.

-No way.

All aboard. Vroom!

Ding ding! OK, sit down and strap in.

It's time for your first blogger - Myles!

Deadly Pole To Pole, I love it, I'm a big fan.

What, no, this isn't a good joke.

OK, I like the idea of going to new places and capturing it

and sharing it with other people.

So that's why I like Deadly Pole To Pole.

And you're coming with me every step of the way.

In the final episode, Steve finished his journey from pole to pole

and ended up in Antarctica, which is pretty cool.

That's why they had to wear coats.

Steve really wants to swim with a leopard seal.

Don't be thinking a leopard seal is half leopard, half seal,

one's flapping, "I want to go in the sea," the other one's going,

"No, I want to run." It's just a weird-looking seal.

But if you want to swim with them you've got to be careful, because...

Every leopard seal has a different personality.

So if I'm going to go in the water with one, we'll need

a seal that's curious of us.

How do you work out what personality a seal's got? Romantic dinner?

Just go on a date with a seal,

then it eats me in the middle of a restaurant.

Because, yes, we're in the middle of a restaurant,

I had to get to know its personality.

There were candles, music, nice food, then the waiter comes over.

He's not going to get a tip.

The seal's just sitting there, I've been eaten.

"Are you ready to order, Seal? Sir?" "No, I've eaten."

Anyway, how is Steve preparing himself to meet the seal?

This first sight of a leopard seal up close has made us

all a little bit nervous.

I'm not sure I want to get in the water with that.

It's fine, listen, just be yourself, compliment the seal.

-That is a monster.

-Don't say that, though, Steve.

Why... Don't... What...

But Steve finally does get to swim with his beloved seal.

Look at that pair rolling around, pirouetting in front of us.

Something I have waited a lifetime to see.

That is so beautiful, that is so beautiful. That is so beautiful.

I should probably say that a lot of other amazing...

I can't see a thing.

I should probably say that a lot of other amazing stuff does

happen on Deadly Pole To Pole.

It's not just him trying to make friends with a seal every week,

although that would be amazing. I want to see that happen, CBBC.

What I want to know is,

why does Stevie B always get the good gigs, eh?

Makes me livid. But what's been making you livid this week?

What I hate about CBBC is none of the presenters do enough dancing.

-Especially you, Yonko.

-I can't... I can't do this. Turn off the music.

CBBC, this is what makes me livid. That you stop at seven o'clock.

Come on, can't you just have half an hour more?

Nine! Nine has been missed...none.

What makes me livid is that Wolfblood hasn't been on for ages

-and me and my sister both love Wolfblood.

-Now I'm livid too.

-When's it going to be back?

-CBBC, it makes you angry, doesn't it?

Anyway, speaking of livid, Dot Com has been calmly dealing

with more e-mails in the CBBC post room.

Dear CBBC.

Why, oh why must the so-called presenters insist on throwing

cream pies in each other's faces?

I'm sorry. Oh!

-Yes!

-Oh, Dodge.

It's not funny, it's just silly.

Who on earth thinks this will make people laugh? It's childish.

Childish and ridiculous. And it makes me sick.

It raises my hackles and infuriates me to the bones.

It should not be tolerated on the BBC. I can't take it any more!

See? Told you she was scary. Right, you lot, climb aboard

for a trip behind the scenes of Friday Download.

MUSIC PLAYS

We're here at the filming of Friday Download.

This is where the magic happens.

So if you can see all around how many people

we actually need to make the production itself.

The most important people, the beautiful Friday Download audience.

Say hello, everybody.

-ALL:

-Hi!

MUSIC PLAYS

We're about to go and film the opening, so we all go on and be like,

"Cel, Shannon, the presenters, we run on and go..."

-Dionne, Cel, Rick, Shannon.

-I go that way, you go that way.

-I'm after you, aren't I?

-It's all a bit hectic.

-Let's get ready to go.

-Five seconds, four, three, two...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh

# Friday Download. #

So here is where we do Hot Or Not and we also do our new download,

Upload Download, and of course we do games here, don't we, Cel?

Yes, we do do games,

so we've got cool toys and gadgets behind me here. This is the screen

-where we play any of the games on. I like this part of the set.

-I do.

This is where we sit and have a nice chat

and we tell you what we think about the world.

Yeah, this is the social communication area for us.

OK, so this is inside the gallery, so everything that's

filmed in the studio and all the sound is sent through to in here.

All the important people along here.

The speech goes through here in our earpieces.

I think here as well is where the director sits.

This is all his controls.

A bit of power when you sit in this seat, actually.

There's just so many buttons.

MUSIC PLAYS

-ALL:

-Hi, we're The Vamps.

You're watching a brand-new series of Friday Download.

# Friday Download. #

That's right, cheeky chumps The Vamps kicked off this series.

-Give it up for The Vamps.

-Yay, The Vamps are on. Yes!

The Vamps, everybody.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The Vamps!

-I know, you just said!

-The Vamps, everyone.

Yeah, I know, you just told me.

-The Vamps are here.

-I know!

-The Vamps.

-I know!

-We're The Vamps.

-The Vomps?

-Vamps.

-Oh, The Vamps. Of course.

-We're The Vamps.

-The Vamps.

-The Vamps.

-The Vamps.

-The Vamps.

-Vamps.

-Vamps.

-Vamps.

-Vamps.

-Vamps.

-The Vamps.

-The Vamps.

-Vamps.

-Vamps.

SHE SCREAMS

Bake Download is a new feature for this series,

where George shows us how to make cakes. Of course he does.

But whoa, whoa, whoa, this is Bake Download,

which means they make baking cool.

He's whisking and dancing and he's break dancing while stuff's in

the oven and best of all he's having ingredients lobbed at his head.

Cool.

MUSIC PLAYS

SHE COUGHS

What I like about Friday Download the most

though is that every presenter has got, like, their own thing,

their own talent, so Shannon, she's into films and fashion

and Dionne, she's obviously the singer and George is a magician.

And a baker, apparently.

But I have always wondered, what's Richard's talent?

I can raise one eyebrow, I can raise two, I can do a little worm,

three eyebrows, you know?

Oh, eyebrow wiggling, of course!

MUSIC PLAYS

I just think Richard's really funny. Like when this happened.

What's everyone been up to 2014?

I've actually been out of the country for most of it.

I was in LA, yeah, working.

Wow. LA. Glamorous.

I went to see Manchester City play Barcelona at the Nou Camp

in the Champions League.

Football in Spain, amazing.

-You are such a celeb, Cel.

-I actually went to a Spanish island, Cel.

I went to Tenerife for a week with the fam.

And what about you, Richard? I bet you've been doing something

equally fabulous - flying to New York in your own private plane, or...

I've been doing a bit of golf.

-Golf?

-Golf.

-Did he just say golf?

-Golf.

But don't forget, you guys, he can do this.

MUSIC PLAYS

The Joke Machine is about a guy. The joke guy.

It's not what he's called, the joke man, the joke, Mr Joke,

Sir Joke, John the joke - what's he called?

He is... The Joke Master.

Did his parents call him that?

"Oh, what a beautiful baby boy. What are you going to call him?"

"The Joke Master."

"No, what are you going to call him?" "The Joke Master." No?

Yeah, that's a good one.

So the Joke Master, master, I'm just going to call him John,

he has a spaceship and he flies all around, picks up kids

and gets them to tell him jokes. He does that all day.

I'm not pathetic!

You know who's pathetic?

I... It's not me.

I don't know if that's his job or if that's just a hobby.

If it is, it's fine. I like hanging out with friends and swimming.

We're all different.

Also, he is pretty harsh to people who tell bad jokes.

It's not going to encourage anybody to go on if every time

you say something and it doesn't get a laugh you get hammered.

Why is that happening? Shall we go on and tell some jokes?

No, did you not hear what happened to Timmy?

BOY SCREAMS

-Start running, buddy.

-I'm a big fan of jokes.

I like looking at something in the world and going, "Hm,

"that's slightly interesting, let's make a joke about it,"

so I thought whilst we're all here watching this I'd show off

some of my own jokes, see what I can do.

-Please be funny, please be funny, please be funny.

-Knock, knock.

Oh, come in.

You're not funny. Sorry.

Joke you later, jokesters.

"Joke you later." Surely not?

Surely that's not what he's going to go for for his catch phrase.

"Joke you later." What does that mean?

He could have had anything, you know, maybe,

"That's enough jokes for today. Those were all the jokes. Goodbye."

Keeps it simple, makes sense. "Joke you later" - what does that mean?

I've got one, I've got one! Why did the chicken cross the road?

To watch CBBC. Don't believe me? Check this out.

What are you thinking, pet?

-IN A SILLY VOICE:

-Oh, look at that handsome creature.

Oh, and that Steve Backshall's not bad, either.

Oh, I mean, if I had to go on a date with one of them, it'd probably be

the peregrine falcon. Oh, but then again that Steve is lovely.

Oh, I can't decide. How's a girl supposed to choose?

I'm off to find them both. Watch out, boys.

Cluck.

-IN A DIFFERENT VOICE:

-Oh, it's CBBC, he's all at sea.

If I was all at sea I'd probably set sail in this little shoe box.

A fine-looking vessel.

Hi there, maties.

-IN A JAMAICAN ACCENT:

-Oh, one of these days

I'll have my own TV show, just like Scooby-Doo.

And I'll be able to get my hair shampooed every day. Oh, fabulous.

So, fancy watching your pet on CBBC watching... Well, CBBC?

Search "pet" on the CBBC website for more information.

DNN, which stands for Definitely Not Newsround - I'm not being funny

but it's a good job it isn't Newsround.

Call me old-fashioned, but you know I'd rather not see Nel do this.

I'm not even remotely surprised.

Sometimes I think the definitely definitely Newsround guys must

get quite jealous of the Definitely Not Newsround guys.

Like, Leah and that, they have to be quite serious

because, you know, what they're doing is proper serious journalism,

where, you know, they nod their heads a lot in seriousness.

Whereas DNN and that lot are messing about taking

selfies of their bums.

Oh, I've got an idea, Jahmene.

Thought I'd do something for Bob.

Good evening. I'm Lauren Layfield. Our top story tonight.

Scandal at DNN as man takes photograph of his own bottom.

We ask why and how.

But mainly why. Why would you ever do that? Why? Why?

However, there was a moment a little while ago on Newsround

where a certain Ricky Boleto took a leaf out of DNN's book

and got a little bit crazy himself.

Newsround's back just before seven.

I will see you then. Bye-bye.

Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh.

Move over, Bob Roberts, we've got a new crazy presenter in town

-and his name's Boleto.

-Bye-bye. Ooh.

In this week's DNN, Jahmene Mann hit the streets in search

of Britain's best scary monsters.

CHILDREN SCREAM

-Hello, mate.

-Hello.

-JAHMENE SCREAMS

CHILD SCREAMS

CHILD SCREAMS

I'd give that a thumbs-up.

Ow!

I mean, if he wanted to find something absolutely terrifying, he

should have just nipped round Barney Harwood's first thing in the morning.

WOLF WHISTLE

That's a joke! I'm joking, Barney Harwood.

It's that time again.

It's this week's highlights and lowlights, from CBBC.

But if anybody's looking for Yonko, could you tell him

I'm not on the bus, driver.

# Rio 2014 Rio 2014

# Rio 2014

# Just watch that trophy gleam

# It's Uggy's greatest dream

# I'm the cat who's got the cream

# Summertime. #

-Katie, what are you doing?

-I'm just playing with my horses, Chris.

KATIE LAUGHS

-This is Mr Confident Leg.

-Nice to meet you.

-This is Mr Fluffy Boots.

Katie, can I just stop you there? You're clearly having a lot of fun.

I hate to point this out, but horses have been banned from the office.

-What?

-Yeah.

-This is an outrage. Since when?

Since I was handed this chart to explain that horses have been

banned from the office, so.

# Hey, hey, that's all the big boy now, that's you I've got to save

# Hey, hey, get through to the light and you will never hurt again. #

What are you doing?

I'm just playing with this watermelon instead,

you know, because the horses are banned.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news once again, Katie, but er...

SHOUTING

Oh, he's got you back, man, go on. Find Nicola.

Oh, go on, do your work. None of it matters.

MUSIC PLAYS

Ah!

MUSIC PLAYS

Stop. Stop. That is supposed to be in sequence, as in all together.

You are acting like J-Troupe. Go back to the beginning.

-Guys...

-Oh!

[email protected], I'm in a panic!

-Delete.

-TENSE MUSIC PLAYS

COMPUTER PINGS

-ELECTRONIC VOICE:

-Record erasure completed.

Mitchell Tanner deleted.

Yes.

Who are you?

And that is it.

You are up to the moment on the world of CBBC.

Don't worry if you miss any of your favourite shows this week

because we'll be back next Saturday to fill in the gaps.

BUS BELL DINGS

Hang on, what's that noise? Oh, whoops, I've missed the bus!