Episode 13 WHOOPS I MISSED THE BUS

Boys and girls, cats and dogs,

CBBC-ers of all ages - congratulations!

You've struck telly gold! It's time for Whoops I Missed the Bus, baby!

I definitely know her from somewhere.

# Is it too late to say I'm sorry now... #

I don't know anything about this.

SHE PLAYS AIR GUITAR

And you guys know a lot about CBBC.

She's really hilarious and funny, and she always solves the problem.

But before we take a quick whizz through CBBC Town,

let me introduce you to the conductors.

-It's our resident vloggers, Laura and Myles.

-Tickets, please.

All aboard. I'm a bus conductor now. I don't... What?

Now, let's check on the goddess of the...vlogess?

She's the queen of the screen - that one works - it's Laura!

It's probably one of the only shows

you'll see a rat dressed as a caveman.

Yes, it's true.

Or in a toga.

It's funny when other people fall over or get bonked on the head.

While I could keep talking about Rattus Rattus's outfit collection,

but let's talk about Horrible Histories.

This week was a Staggering Storytellers special

about how people used to tell stories through the ages.

I guess they told stories cos they didn't have social media

to update everyone on what they were doing.

"Once upon a time, Laura made some beans on toast for her dinner.

"She took a photo of it on her phone to show everyone.

"She wanted lots of people to like her dinner and give it a thumbs up."

It's true! People used to tell stories using pictures.

Mm, pictures, eh? I think I'd be pretty good at this.

Now, I've made it pretty simple so you can guess it.

It's an action story about a heroine named Laura who flies to space

to discover a team of aliens. With her superpowers she... What?

That wasn't clear from my pictures? Hello! Fine.

Maybe I need some tips. Horrible Histories, what have you got?

When I'm struggling to think of something to write,

-I climb a mulberry tree. Naked.

-No, I'm not doing that.

I'm very serious writer George Eliot.

My advice for women writers in Victorian times is,

if you want to be taken seriously, pretend to be a man.

George! You coming to the boxing?

-GRUFFLY:

-I wouldn't miss it for the world, mate.

-GRUFFLY:

-I'm not sure this is working.

One thing the show did teach me was when printing was first invented

the choice of books was a bit limited. Just a bit.

Right. I'm afraid I don't have that one.

But I do have this - The History Of Troy.

Is it worth you checking your stockroom?

No, it's not, because at the moment this is the only book

printed in English in the whole world.

Nowadays we have so much choice.

I wonder if in the olden days

they read books really slowly to drag them out longer?

I must make this last until next year,

before another book is printed.

Horrible Histories: Staggering Storytellers has encouraged me

to start writing my own stories.

Now, let's try and read this picture story again.

It's the end of the vlog. End of the vlog. How is that not obvious?

Bravo! Some historic vlogging there, Laura.

But wait, we have some more vloggers out to make history.

15 Second Fans, do your thing.

My favourite show on CBBC is Dennis The Menace And Gnasher,

and I like it because they're really naughty, like I am,

and they love pranks and mischief like I do.

My favourite show is Diddy TV, because it's so funny

and they've got tiny weenie bodies and a really big head.

I especially like the one

where they eat loads of different disgusting foods.

That's why I like Diddy TV.

My 15 Second Fan has definitely got to be Millie from Milly Inbetween,

because I think all the actors are really, really good.

But she's really hilarious and funny,

and she always solves the problem

and she's always there for her family.

My favourite show is The Next Step,

because of all the lovely dances and everything.

My favourite is Giselle, because she is such a wonderful dancer

and she adds a lot of tricks to her dance.

15 Second Fans? More like 15 Second Legends! That was brilliant!

And if it's inspired you to get vlogging, why not give it a go?

Just upload your short vid to the Whoops web page

and you could end up on CBBC just like that lot. Get in!

I suggest you position your entire body towards the tellybox,

and that includes you, madam! You're not going to want to miss this.

7,4,1, go! APPLAUSE

-Hello, and welcome to Diddy Chat.

-Yes.

It's the chat show where we like to chat to

tomorrow's biggest stars today.

And today's big star is Lauren Layfield

from The Dengineers and CBBC HQ.

-Welcome, Lauren.

-Hiya.

-You're very welcome.

Thank you for having me. What a pleasure.

So, Lauren, how did you get into this showbusiness?

Into the world of showbusiness.

-I used to be a very serious newsreader.

-Did you get fired?

-I didn't get fired, no.

-Why did you leave?

I did try and leave on my own accord, but I...

I think possibly that my voice wasn't newsreader-y enough.

-It sounds very squeaky at the moment.

-Right.

Lauren, our producer's told us that you're half Guyanese.

-Is that correct?

-That is correct.

-Where is this Guyaneseiana-na?

-Guyana.

-Guyana.

-It's Guyana. It's in South America.

Where's South America?

-It's sort of like down from America.

-Where's America?

America's, like, up a little bit, and it's sort of to the left.

If you look at it on the map, it would be to the left of it.

-Ah. Turn left, second on your right?

-Exactly.

Go down for a bit, past the shop, you can't miss it.

-So, Lauren Layfield.

-Yeah.

-We've heard you're an expert at pong-ping.

-Our producer told us.

-Yes, ping-pong.

-And ping-pong.

And ping-ping and pong-pong.

How many years have you been ponging a ping-ping pong?

I haven't done it for a little while, but I did do it for 14 years,

which basically makes me an expert.

14 years of ping-pong?

-Like, constantly.

-What was wrong with you?

-Can we see it?

-We've got a bat and ball for you.

-Yeah, yeah. Bring it in.

Right, lads. Bring on the bat

and the ping-pong-pang-pang-ping-ping-pang-

pong-ping-ping-pang-pong-pang-pong- ping-ping ball.

-Boosh!

-SHE GRUNTS

Oh. Yes! Oh!

-Oh!

-You should be in the Olympics.

-Very good, isn't she?

-Told you. 14 years didn't go to waste.

You're a lady of many talents, cos our producer has also told us

you love doing karaoke.

Sing us a bit of your best hit.

Erm, ahem.

# Is it too late to say I'm sorry now

# Oh Bamma-damma noo

-# Sorry, yeah... #

-She doesn't know the words.

-She doesn't know the words.

-Great.

-What's your favourite football team?

My favourite football team is Manchester City. Whoo!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Lads, lads, lads.

-Why?

-Just cos they're really good.

I heard it's just cos you like the colour blue.

I do like colour gl-...blue. I do like the colour blue.

She said glue blue. Did she say glue blue?

I like the colour blue, but also I like them

because they're quite good and you don't want to support a rubbish one.

Well, it's been delightful having you on the sofa.

You're not coming back.

But before you go, we would like you to build your very own den.

-OK, good. I'm an expert. Hit me.

-Right.

Build something out of this lot.

Right. Yep.

Well, we've got to go now

cos the ice cream van's just pulled up outside.

Mine's an orange lolly. Thank you very much to Lauren Layfield

from The Dengineers and CBBC HQ.

We'll be back next time with another big star here on Diddy Chat.

APPLAUSE

On Blue Peter they were chatting all things books and authors

because this was all about awesome authors.

So to get you in the mood, I thought I'd give you a bit of a flavour

of the lovely lively literature, the perfect poetic publications,

and the fantastically funny fiction fables.

-That was really good.

-Very, very good alliteration.

Radzi has been reading his book. All that alliteration.

You can tell, cos it really inspires you

and gives you a lot more words to be using.

I read a book that inspired me like that.

It was brilliant. It was a thesaurus.

No, it wasn't really that good. There was too many characters.

Sort of got boring after a while.

Not boring. It was, erm... What's another word for boring?

Then Radzi went behind the scenes

of the play version of Gansta Granny,

based on a book by David Walliams.

Oh, maybe he's an authom-... Awesome... Awesome auth-... Awe...

I can't say it. Maybe I need to read more books.

And Radzi got involved with all the work behind the scenes

that goes into making the show what it is.

'I need to rehearse my very own part in the show.

'But before that I need to get to grips with my other job

'as a stage hand.'

-Radzi, there's three props I need you to look after for me.

-Perfect.

One of them is this giant spoon here which I need you to hand to Granny.

"Radzi's here. What do we get Radzi to do?" "I don't know.

"I don't know, give him... Get him to hold the giant spoon."

I mean, Radzi's a great guy, he'll do anything.

-Radzi, can you do some star jumps to help out, please?

-OK.

Oh, wow. He did it. Give him another Blue Peter badge for that.

They had Toby on the show too.

He's been writing letters to lots of countries.

Which is amazing. I love that.

And he's been collecting the letters

and he's been putting them into a book.

-And of course you got a very special response from Blue Peter.

-Yes. Yes.

-Yes, didn't you? Is that one of your favourite responses?

-Yes.

I mean, it's their show, so it's good he said that.

Because of Toby's achievement

he got given a gold badge, which are very rare.

-Oh, my goodness!

-Can we please

have a massive round of applause for Toby?

CHEERING

No amount of star jumps will get you that.

-Especially if you're just sitting down.

-Toby, well done.

Honestly, you've inspired Radzi and I,

and I'm sure you've inspired everyone watching.

-You're incredible.

-Definitely.

I love that idea of sort of connecting

with all these different people around the world

you wouldn't know about.

I might do the same.

"Dear Radzi, I've been inspired to write you this letter.

"I'm asking if you can come round to do my washing up tonight."

And back onto the path of books,

Barney is teaching us how to make a 3-D bookmark.

Thank you, Barney. I've always wanted that.

Put them all into the bowl. You want to add the water gradually.

Might just actually just sort of fold the pages over as a bookmark.

# I thought my life was weird

# And then it appeared

# On CBBC It's a real must-see

# The strangest show around You will ever, ever see

# And if you don't believe me Watch it with your tea

# It's called Odd Squad. #

OK, I'm just as freaked out about my rapping skills as you are,

so, erm, promise me we'll never speak of this again.

Who do we work for?

We work for Odd Squad.

So, if you're fan

of all things oddly, greatly, crazily, promisingly,

truly, amazingly, extremely

and all the other words ending in -ly,

then Odd Squad is definite-ly the show for you.

A villain has been dropping giant nuts all over town.

Take a look.

They've hit the library, the baseball fields, the town square.

-I need you to find out how and why this is happening.

-Solved it!

I mean, kids are in charge of saving the world.

How is this not the best show ever?

Listen, every time I honk my horn, this happens...

QUACKING Whoa!

Whoa, indeed.

Ah-ha. I think we've found the problem, sir.

And I thought I was bad for leaving things in strange places.

Ah! There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere.

Speaking of strange places,

here's a man in a park with a very peculiar problem.

Everybody can see what I'm thinking, which is OK sometimes

but sometimes it's not.

Come again?

It that a bear dressed as a ballerina

riding a shark in outer space?

I'm allowed to think whatever I want to think.

How incredibly awkward would it be

if people could actually see what you're thinking?

SHE PLAYS AIR GUITAR

OK, so maybe that was more like your worst nightmare.

I don't think I'm ready for this!

I think you've found your catchphrase.

I did try and warn you it was greatly, bizarrely, wildly,

all things -ly, crazily, awesomely, extremely just odd.

And, hey, I say if you can't beat them, you may as well join them.

Let's all be odd together. Team odd!

Bit odd, but tremendous, Tee Cee. Thanks very much.

Now, let's move from humans to hamsters and from people to pets.

It's time for...

I literally can't get closer to this TV! I love you, Barney Harwood.

I love you so much!

Watching Marrying Mum And Dad whilst being stroked -

it doesn't get better than this! Wait. What's going on? Ella?

Oh, she's gone. I wonder if I'll ever get married.

Nah, I'll just watch CBBC and wait for my masseuse to return.

Judith. Can I go on the couch, please?

This wooden chair is too uncomfortable

for my little hamster toes. How do I get down? Judith!

Alvin's stuck and wants to watch CBBC on the couch! Now!

Kasey, Mum said it's my turn to choose the programme now.

What are you watching anyway? Oh, it's Naomi. I love Naomi!

You will always have my full attention, Queen Wilkinson.

I could watch you for days.

If you want to jump inside your pet's noodle

and figure out what on earth is going on in there, then we can help.

Just record them watching 20 seconds of CBBC

and upload it to the Whoops web page.

It's ever so funny!

What Are You Thinking, Pet?

Now, if you've had a proper busy week

and missed some of your favourite CBBC telly, you can stop worrying.

Get comfy. It's time for CBBC's best bits.

Have a look at your teeth please, mister. Lovely, lovely teeth.

He's in tip-top shape too, but he's missing a name.

I am going to name you X-ray.

This woman is Hetty Feather's mother.

Hetty?

Dismiss this sinful woman.

No, please.

I know I've done wrong but I'm of good character.

Hetty's all I've got.

Assume your authority, Mr Cranbourne.

At least mine looks good. Yours looks like it's about to fall apart.

-Oh, yeah? A tank could run over this.

-Prove it.

-I will.

-Are you sure that's a good idea?

-No, but it's McKelty.

See? Ah!

-AARGH!

-SHE GASPS

DANCE MUSIC

Whoo!

THEY CHEER

-Tell me what's your favourite book?

-I like books.

Books, books, books. Books are made from chicken.

-Chicken, chicken, chicken. Bok-bok.

-That doesn't make any sense.

OK, tell me this - what is your favourite word?

-Pancake. Pancake is one word, despite what you think.

-OK, right.

OK, we are done. Doesn't time fly when you're having a LOL?

Don't forget we'll be back next weekend

and that you can catch up on all things CBBC

over on the CBBC iPlayer.

Now, is that a bus? Yep, no. Off he goes. Ha-ha-ha! What a joker!