Me Carl, You Jane-ish Wingin' It

Hey, man! You missed breakfast.

My Mom cooked. All right, well, she just threw some frozen waffles

in the toaster, but family took a vote

and decided to log it as an official "Mom cook day".

It's probably way better than Dr Cassabi's

"Welcome back, Denise" breakfast.

-MUFFLED:

-This is great!

She either said this is great, or it's half past eight.

You, uh, got a little something on your shirt.

Thanks! I was looking for that!

Listen, Porter, it's been a long road for Denise.

Remember, she hasn't been in human form for several hundred years.

It could take her a while to adjust.

Denise, I just found out the Angel Training Review Board

is convening to discuss your case.

-MUFFLED:

-So, I can be reinstated as an AIT?

Even I didn't get that one.

So I can be reinstated as an AIT?

Well, first you have to show them

you can pass for a modern, human girl again.

I am done. Finished.

Fini. Terminet. Je suis done.

All right, so she eats like a farm animal.

What does that have to do with us?

Meet Bennett High's newest student.

Hello, boys!

-That's a cheeseburger wrapper!

-From yesterday!

-Old habits die hard!

And I forgot to put on deodorant.

# Let's give it one more shot

# Let's give it everything you've got

# Cos if we get it right

# Then we will surely conquer the world

# Hey! I got my wings from an angel

# Now we're wingin' it all the time

-# I'm giving wings to an angel

-(The wings of an angel)

# Now we gotta learn to fly. #

Dr Cassabi wants me to help Denise act like a normal, human girl.

So she can start her angel in training, training.

I'm going to love, LOVE being a teenager! Cool sunglasses!

Great book bag! When do the teenage mood swings start?

-Right now. I feel like crying.

-Oh, come on, Porter.

-It'll be fun having another angel around.

-Thanks, Carl.

Oh, is purple in?

Denise, you can't just use magic in the middle of the lunch area.

Relax! No-one saw.

Oh, cool!

-Denise!

-I can't hear you.

-You're annoying!

-You're obnoxious!

-You know I can't undo this.

Maybe you're not in a purple mood.

I can't believe I'm stuck watching over a newbie.

I can't believe Denise just turned that kid's mullet into a Mohawk.

On the bright side, it is an improvement.

-Hey...

-Hey, guys.

Hey. So, how's your sad, "hidden" affection for Jane?

You'll be happy to know, I plan to make my affection

-less hidden and sad.

-How do you plan on doing that?

By getting a backbone transplant? Ha-ha! Zing!

All I have to do is make her see me in a different light.

Oh, uh, fluorescent, or neon?

No, I mean a more boyfriend-ly light.

First I'll start randomly giving Jane back massages.

-OK.

-Then I'll start calling her honey.

And yeah, I admit it, I have no idea how people go from friends

to more than friends. Any tips?

Well, girls like acts of chivalry.

Oh! Here, Jane, let me get the door for you!

-And, uh, why don't you let me carry your books?

-OK.

Wow. Even your fantasies are romatically-challenged.

All right. Just do something nice for Jane.

-How am I supposed to know what

-Listen. She'll tell you.

-Hey, Carl.

-Hey!

-You want me to carry your books for you?

-No.

How 'bout this!

Why don't you tell me what's wrong, I'm listening.

The grade 12 class is hosting a seminar

for world-renowned journalist Brock Montana. He wrote about the volcano

that set the forest on fire but the tidal wave put it out.

I want to go to his seminar, but it conflicts with grade ten history.

-Uh huh.

-Mr Telson doesn't let anyone miss class.

-Mmmhmmm. Mmmhmmm.

Uh huh. Mmmhmmm.

Are you just going to mmhmm, mmhmm all day,

-or are you going to help?

-Mmmhmm... Uh.

Uh. That's what I do!

I mmhmm and then I help!

So why don't you go to the seminar

and I'll cover for you for Mr Telson. See? Done! Easy peasy.

I mean, I'm clever, I'm wily, and one day, I plan on earning

a stable income while doing my fair share of the house work.

Thanks, Carl. You're my hero.

I'm holding your books now.

And I'm your hero.

Let's go, people!

History waits for no-one! And neither do I!

I assume Jane Casey's absent today?

No, Sir, she's here. Her books are already on her desk, see?

So, has Jane invented an invisibility cloak?

Patton pending. Ha-ha-ha...

Hmmmm.

Where's Jane Casey?

She... She's, uh, you know, she's out doing that, the thing...

She told me she, where else could she be...

other than the washroom.

Get out your dinner with historical figures presentations, people.

We're doing them today! Surprise!

Those were supposed to be on Friday.

Oh, Mr Montclaire, thank you for telling me how'd you run your class.

Aw, wait a minute! IT'S MY CLASS!!!

First up! Serge and Julian!

Ready, Sir! Same presentation as I did last year in this course.

-Made some improvements, though.

-Oh, good.

Go fetch, Miss Casey. You're next.

Jane!

-Pssst! Jane!

-Hey! How's operation pull a fast one on Mr Telson going?

Better than operation finding a shorter name for this mission.

Great! I can't tell you how awesome this is.

It was so amazing of you to help me.

-You are my hero, Carl Montclaire.

-That's what heroes are for.

-Byeeee, Jane... Whoa!

-Looks like you could use a little help.

No, I don't. I need a lot of help.

-Well, you're in luck. I need to help. A lot.

-I need Jane for history

to do our presentation, but I don't want to pull her out of journalism.

Don't want to disappoint her?

No. After all, I'm her hero.

I have an idea.

No, I don't think Porter's going to...

-There! What do you think about that?

-Two Janes?! That's brilliant!

-Thanks!

My name Jane. Pleasure to meet you.

Why don't you two go and do the presentation

and I'll wait here for the real Jane.

When you're done, snappy snap, goodbye fake Jane.

See how helpful I can be? Be sure to tell Dr Cassabi.

-There you are, Denise. Hi, Carl. Hi, Jane.

-Uggghhhhh.

-Uggghhh...

-Wait up, Jane!

-These kids!

Exciting news! I told the AIT Review Board how well you're fitting in

down here and they're moving up your case!

-That's great!

-Yeah! And guess to when! To right now!

But, I...

So on that fateful day,

after that terrible soccer game, he invented this.

It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr Jock. Thanks again for inventing

that awesome strap that saved my life many times.

Because I don't want to see this presentation again next year,

-your mark is a 'C' minus.

-'C' minus... Yes!

Jock strap saves my life once again!

All right, next up is Carl and Jane.

My name Jane.

I know. You're on the list.

Uh, Sir, this is how, uh, kids in the 1700's used to greet each other.

-Good to see you, Sir.

-And begin.

There are so many important historical figures, right, Jane?

Feet are far away, but still stinky!

And that's why our historical figure is...

Toe jam! Stinky pinky toe jam!

Stinki Pinkaetojam was a famous Japanese poet

and we will now attempt to act out one of his haikus.

-I'm swimming.

-Swimming.

-In air!

-In air!

This is how the, uh, the native Hawaiians used to pray

and ask their Gods for rain and, and corn!

Oh, bah-bah...

I got nothin'.

And that's the end of our presentation.

Where Carl go?

-Oh!

-You know, I didn't think it was possible

-but you've actually made Serge look like a genius.

-Yes!

Your mark is, uh...an 'F'.

An 'F'?!

Aw, Jane's going to be upset.

Porter!

I need help with Jane, man!

Ohhhh, I like petunias with icing.

Icing? How is that relevant?

Smooooochy.

-A Jane double? Gotta be Denise.

-You said that I should help Jane!

She needed to skip Mr Telson's history class

and this is what I came up with!

What Denise came up with. Why go to her?

She came to me! You think I'd ask for this?

-Man, Denise's work is sloppy.

-Yeah, and I need you on cleanup.

Sorry, Carl. I can't undo another AIT's magic.

When Carl has a problem, I'm usually his go-to angel,

but Denise has totally wing-blocked me!

This girl is just so full of attitude, she reminds me of...

Me.

Well, the one good thing about zombie Jane is I can finally

tell her how I feel. About real Jane, not zombie Jane.

-Yeah, right.

-Well, watch this.

Jane, I like you and I want to take you out on a date.

Uhhhh...

That might be real Jane's reaction, too.

Oh, no. The inevitable is happening and inevitably I'm not prepared!

If real Jane sees this Jane, she'll freak!

-Yeah, so get her out of here!

-OK!

Hiyeee, Jane!

I've been out of the loop for way too long

and I'm ready to get back into the AIT programme.

Miss Stern, Denise has been on hold for several hundred years.

-She scares me.

-Dr Cassabi, Denise, the board and I have decided

to give you a new assignment. It's going to be...

Denise, there you are!

Everything's so white!

What's going on? Why is Jane here?

It's like I'm milk...

-That's not Jane, is it?

-Porter Jackson, you are not supposed

-to be making zombie duplicates of humans.

-Denise made her!

-Throw me under the magic bus, why don't you!

-I like worms!

Dr Cassabi, can you explain this recklessness to me?

I apologise, Miss Stern, Porter led me to believe that Denise

was adjusting quite nicely to modern life. I guess he was mistaken.

-Sorry to disappoint you.

-You brought a Jane Doppelganger upstairs!

Doppeldoodle, doppeldoodle, doppeldoodle!

Hey, I never asked to be a role model.

Maybe extra responsibility is exactly what you need.

-That's exactly what I...

-Zip it.

Denise, from now on, Porter will be assigned to you.

-You will answer to him.

-Great!

How long do you expect Porter to be in charge of Denise?

Until I say he's not.

In the meantime, you have two rebel AITs and a zombie high school girl.

Excuse me.

Do you think in your limited abilities

that you could find a way to make this fiasco go away?

Yes, Miss Stern.

-My limited abilities are all over it.

-I'm still here.

What?

-Undo her!

-Sure thing, Dr C.

-Now would be a good time, Denise.

-Get lost, Porter!

You ruined my chances at a new AIT assignment!

I don't care what Stern says, you are not the boss of me.

Did you see that, Dr Cassabi? Denise doesn't listen!

Look, just make sure Denise gets rid of Jane!

Not the real Jane, but the, uggghhhh, zombie Jane.

Oh, you know what I'm talking about.

And then he wrapped up the seminar by saying

as a journalist if you write about a wrong, you can write that wrong!

Well, that was a very detailed recap.

-I feel like I attended the whole seminar.

-Sorry, was it boring?

No, no. I love watching you talk.

So, how was history class? Did I miss anything?

Well! Mr Telson kind of called on us

to do our dinner with historical figures presentation.

-Not good!

-Yeah, but then I told him you were in the washroom!

-Good!

But then he did that twitchy little eye thing and made us do it anyway.

So...(HE MUMBLES)

I'm sorry, what?

HE MUMBLES

-In English!

-We ended up failing.

Ahhh. Very, very bad!

-He can't fail a student just because they were in the washroom!

-I KNOW!

It was totally unfair, but your marks are so good, it won't leave

-a dent in your grade point average.

-That is beside the point!

We have to get Telson to let us do the presentation again!

We lied to get you out the classroom, now we're going to have to lie again,

it's just lies on top of lies!

A mountain of lies! Are you sure that's a mountain you want to climb?

Uh, YES!

This is a matter of principle!

We have to right a wrong! Come on!

Telson has a spare!

Mr Telson, it's not fair that I got an 'F' on a presentation

-when I wasn't there.

-But you were there.

-No, I wasn't!

Can't help you were mentally absent though physically there.

-Physically there?

-Mentally absent.

-Mr Telson! Can I have a word with Jane for a moment?

-Please.

OK, listen. The reason Mr Telson thinks you were there

is because I kind of used a double for you.

What? Why didn't you tell me?

I tried to stop you from running in here, but you were all injustice!

-I'm still approachable when I'm all injustice and stuff!

-Duly noted.

Who did you use as my double?

-Alex!

-This is what I'd look like if I actually dressed up as Jane.

Not too bad, huh?

No wonder we failed!

(Teacher waiting!)

Mr Telson, I agree that I wasn't all there

for the presentation earlier today.

Um, could I redo it now that I'm feeling more like myself?

Based on your spotless record,

I'm going to let you two try it again tomorrow morning.

-Thank you!

-But, be warned, cos you're getting a second chance,

I'll mark you on a much harder scale.

So the best you can hope for is a 'C'.

A 'C'! I break out in hives at anything less than a 'B' plus!

Just don't worry, Jane. I'll figure it out.

You forgotten who your hero is?

What does Brock Montana have to do with this?

Brock Montana.

Hey! Did you get rid of zombie Jane?

-Did you get rid of zombie Jane?

-Did you get rid of zombie Jane?

-I just asked that.

-No, I just asked that.

I wasn't asking. It was just a sarcastic comment.

TANNOY CRACKLES

Knock, knock, who's there?

'Me Jane, I'm there!'

And we have our answer.

Porter, you're supposed to watch her!

Denise, you're supposed to listen to him! You are the worst combinations.

Butterscotch and worms!

You are out of control. Maybe you're not ready to be an AIT yet.

Oh, no, there's Jane! Get rid of Jane!

-Happy?

-Not even close. My office, now!

Hey! You guys ready for your presentation?

Yeah, ready to get nothing more than a 'C'.

Just don't worry. We'll be fine.

Let's get in there.

Downgraded from a hug to a fist bump?

Soon you two will just be winking at each other.

That's gotta hurt. Not making much progress in the boyfriend front?

Yeah, well, on the awesome presentation partner front, I'm...

also not making much progress. Just wish me luck.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hey, how did it go with Dr Cassabi?

How do you think it went? Nobody understands what I'm going through.

Everybody hates me. My only friend in the whole world was a zombie.

That's why I kept her around so long.

Despite what you think,

-I know what you're going through and I am your friend.

-As if.

Any ideas on how to impress Miss Stern

and get back on Dr C's good side?

Well, as an expert at making magical mistakes

and winning back Dr Cassabi, I've got an idea.

All right, you two, dazzle me, but if it's anything like

yesterday's presentation, really, why bother?

Mr Telson, we take you on a magical journey through history!

We are going to describe some important historical figures.

Our first stop, the year 1873.

-You in stealth mode?

-I practically invented stealth mode.

This was the year when the North West Mounted Police was formed.

And they were in the North West.

And they were mounted.

And they were police.

-This isn't going well, is it?

-We can kiss our 'C' goodbye.

They need help. Watch this.

-How did you do that?

-Surprise.

-You hired actors?

-Just roll with it.

Well, look at that! It's one of our country's first cowboys!

Our next guest is one of the country's first fur traders!

I see where you're going with this.

And our next dinner guest is an early prairie school teacher.

Hey, this is fun!

Let's tag-team the next one.

And now we bring history to life.

-He's not following!

-Watch this.

Well, keep working with her.

-I think she'll be OK.

-Excellent, excellent. Very good.

What'd you think?

-I cannot give that an 'A'.

-What?

Not when it so obviously deserves an 'A' plus!

Carl, we did it!

You are my hero!

Off the desk, Denise.

Sorry, you're not in charge of me any more, Porter.

She's right! And off the desk.

I was upstairs, they're happy with how well you two work together.

Miss Stern decided to leave me in charge of you both for now.

Don't worry. You'll find a new assignment.

Yeah, but until then, I'll be here to keep you on your game.

-Pffft. Game on.

-Watch your back.

-Oh, I will. You better watch yours.

Hey! Guys! Everything OK?

-Define OK.

-Hey, Porter, aren't you going to introduce me?

Sure. Denise, this is Jane.

Hi, Denise. Welcome to Bennett High.

-Are you in Dolby's science class with us?

-Yep. Lead the way.

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