I Kinda Always Knew I'd Be Your Lex-Boyfriend Wingin' It

Serge, pass the ball! Denise, he was finally going to pass me the ball.

-I have a surprise.

-Wait till I put some deodorant on.

-You smell sweet.

OK, you're a little ripe, but I want to play you something.

# When I think of boyfriends, I only think of you

# Every day it's me diggin' all you do

# You are so complex, you make my heart flex

# I'm under the hex of a guy named Carl... #

-So? What do you think?

-It was...fun.

It didn't 100% rhyme, but I liked the sentiment.

-Is somebody singing my theme song?

-Lex?!

Lex?! Who the heck is Lex?

-Denise's boyfriend.

-Carl, I need a moment.

# Let's give it one more shot

# Let's give it everything we've got

# Cos if we get it right

# We will surely conquer the world

# Hey! I've got my wings

# From an angel

# Now we're wingin' it all the time

# I'm giving wings to an angel

# Always an angel

# Now we've got to learn to fly. #

-What are you doing here?

-Technically, we're still dating.

I haven't seen you in 350 years. That implies we've broken up.

You're the one who disappeared. You got stuck inside a raccoon puppy.

Raccoons are good with their hands. You could have picked up a phone,

-once they were invented.

-Doesn't explain you being here.

-It's my job.

-Say again?

-Mildred Stern insisted I kept an eye on you.

-What?!

-She kind of begged me. True story.

-Ms Stern?

-Mmm...go.

-I think AIT Denise Simmons is up to no good.

-I'd better investigate.

-I'd be happy to be your eyes down there.

I'm authorising you to go in my place. Report anything unusual.

-Lex, please don't tell her about Carl.

-That's my job.

-I'm begging.

-Don't worry about Ms Stern. I got her under my control.

-What are we looking at?

-Trouble.

-Denise can be full of mischief.

-I mean the guy she's talking to.

-Who? Lex? He's an AIT.

-Turns out he's also Denise's boyfriend.

-Really?

-She dropped you already?

-No, no. I don't think so...

I should get that clarified.

Hey, guys.

-Lex, Carl.

-Denise has sung nothing but your praises.

In songs that rhyme with Lex. "You make my heart flex.

-"I'm under the hex of a guy named..."

-Carl!

Whoa, I love that song. I'll let you lovebirds tweet it up.

I'm going to take off.

-I was going to tell you.

-You wrote that song for him.

I tried to write a song for you, but what rhymes with Carl?

Erm... Gnarl?

Snarl!

Darl...ene?

All right, point taken.

Huggsies? The hug plane's coming in! Am I cleared for landing?

Keep circling!

Dad, stop calling me from Honolulu.

They call them roaming charges cos you roam and I get charged.

I can barely pay my cell phone bill. I have to go.

-Brittany, what's going on?

-Isn't it kind of obvious by the poster?

Um...I'm going to say no on this one.

-I lost my expensive necklace.

-Did you retrace your steps?

Yeah, but then I changed my shoes.

"Substandard award"? Substantial reward!

My cell phone bill could use a reward!

There he is, Carl. Just be straight with him. Clear the air.

-Serge, hit me!

-Oh sure. Serge will pass Lex the ball.

-Nice.

-Lex, can we talk for a minute?

-Yeah, sure. Keep flapping.

-Are we competing for Denise?

Why would I want to do that? Denise is so into you.

# ..Montclaire, so fair, nice hair

# Debonair

# Chocolate eclair... #

-Man! I should have just rhymed with his last name.

-Looks like true love!

What kind of AIT would I be if I didn't help?

How about me, you and Denise, clear the air with a few slices.

I am so glad to hear you say that.

Looks like everything's cool between me and Lex. What a relief.

If I were Brittany, where would I lose my necklace?

I'd only take it off if I were replacing it,

so it can't be far from her locker!

Bingo!

Substantial reward, here I come!

-You found it! Where was it?

-At the foot of your locker!

Impossible, I looked everywhere! Right, left, up...

Did you look down?

I don't look down, Jane. Looking down is for sad people.

-Anyway, here's your necklace!

-Thanks ever so much, Jane,

I really appreciate it!

So...

Oh! Good job, kiddo!

My reward!

Where is Carl, by the by?

Lunch hour is half over by now.

-Are you sure he wanted to meet here?

-He said the lunch area.

This IS the lunch area. He's not the type to bail on plans, is he?

I'm sure something just held him up.

Is there somewhere else he might be.

-Mama B's! Let's go see if he's there.

-Okie-doke!

Okie-doke.

-Hey, Carl.

-Hey, Jane.

SHE SIGHS

Either you're bummed out or coming down from a milkshake splurge...

Brittany offered a reward for finding her necklace. I found it.

-Do you think she gave me the reward?

-I think not.

I should have kept the necklace for ransom.

Teach her a lesson. Fake lose a fake necklace and offer a fake reward.

Yeah! I could lose a necklace close to Brittany,

and when she finds it I don't give her the reward!

LAUGHTER

I am totally doing that.

Thanks, Carl!

Woah, you shouldn't see what's going on here. You will not like this

-What's going on here?

-Oh, hey, Denise.

You stood me up for lunch with Jane and that's all you can muster?

Stood you up? I was supposed to meet...

Enjoying a mid-day meal with another girl. That's pretty low down, dude.

What are you talking about? Denise, he...

Lex, what is going on?

Have a seat, kid.

First, I'm going to steal your girl.

Now, I'm going to steal your slice.

Denise, can I talk to you?

I'm here to learn,

not to hear you explain why you blew me off for Jane.

I am not two-timing you with Jane.

But you still blew me off.

It was totally Lex who...

Again with Lex? I've known him longer than you, he's a pussycat.

You need to stop blaming Lex for whatever is rattling around up here.

Take your seats, class.

Today we're going to talk about voting in a democracy.

Yes?

I vote we don't!

Oh, well! This is a pickle!

I'll have to check my teaching guide!

My girlfriend's evil AIT ex-boyfriend is trying to steal her.

That's a bold accusation, my friend.

He specifically said, and I quote, "I'm going to steal your girlfriend."

Can't argue with that evidence.

Denise won't talk to me.

I'll take care of it.

Magic what you just said into a note, change her mind.

Yeah.

Well, well. A note to Denise.

From Carl.

If there's one thing that grinds my goat, it is note passing.

You two relocate yourself to Principle Malone's office at once!

-I say we put it to a vote.

-Get out!

I am a genius!

Shorts, pants, bell bottoms, it's an evolution!

Huh, lost bracelet...

-Oh no!

-Lost bracelet tackled!

Hey, Jane Casey!

Jane Casey as in me, or another Jane Casey?

You. I found your bracelet. A reward, my lady?

Your reward is...a compliment!

You are a great athlete and I wish you the best in future.

I never thought you'd be the girl to break a reward promise.

The reward is fake, and so is the bracelet. It's candy.

Oh...

That was on the ground!

-This doesn't count as my reward.

-This is all Brittany's fault!

She promised a reward when she lost her necklace, but I got nothing!

Serge knows the feeling.

I have a new plan, so we can both get our rewards.

-Denise!

-Put it in a note!

I did! If you read it you'd see that Lex would do anything to get you!

-I know Lex still likes me.

-You do?

But he wouldn't try to break us up! He's a pussycat!

More like an alley cat!

Relax, Carl. I want to be with you.

Really?

I love hearing that.

-Guys, we've got a problem.

-Hold on, Denise is saying sweet things.

Don't worry, Carl. This relationship is solid,

SHE COUGHS

-Miss Stern...

-How are things...?

Can it like Tuna, Carl.

Who has a solid relationship, Denise?

-Oh, um...

-Carl, Denise are you two dating?

-Oh, pft...

-What?

-Oh, that guy?

-Of course not!

If you were, there would be severe consequences.

AITs dating humans is strictly against the rules.

Well, we are definitely not dating.

We are just enjoying our spare period.

Oh, really? Because spare period is for independent study, silence

and enjoying the occasional healthy snack.

Now disperse!

BELL RINGS

Well, I guess Lex tipped her off that we're dating.

I'll go see if I can smooth things out with Ms Stern.

Urgh!

Looks like I need a magical recharge.

SHE BURPS

I should have known.

It's probably best if we just act like we don't even know

each other, at least until this Ms Stern thing blows over.

Yeah, let's just be casual.

Ms Stern was Lex in disguise.

-I saw him transform.

-What?! No way.

-I knew it.

Actually, I didn't know it at all but I knew you knew it.

This guy's capable of anything.

I've never heard of an AIT impersonating a full angel.

I told you he was bad news, Denise.

All this time I stood up for him and he's nothing but a fake,

phoney fraud.

We need to get back at him.

Revenge is a dish best served totally awesome.

How are we going to get past Brittany's lock?

Brittany thinks locks are ugly

-so she uses a ribbon tied in a bow.

-Huh.

-Oh, that one's not edible.

-Oh.

Brittany, we have your prized necklace -

we demand a ransom or you'll never see it again.

I'll sign it anonymous so she won't know it's you, Serge.

You better spell "anonymous" wrong so she doesn't know it's you.

Gather round, kids, behold - the amazing Malone.

Abracadabra!

Oh!

-Who would like to see a rabbit...

-Principal Malone, Bennett High has been overrun by thieves.

Energy thieves, you are correct.

People don't turn off lights, they waste water, they don't recycle.

No, I mean actual thieves who have necklace-napped my actual necklace.

-Brittany, an accusation like that needs some serious proof.

-NECKLACE RATTLES

-Serge!

-Oh, wassup? Hey, are you going to the...whoops.

Serge, hand it over.

-Serge, I thought we were tight.

-Uh, tight, no...uh.

One month's detention. My office.

I can't help but feel slightly responsible for all this.

-Oh, Jane, it's not your fault that Serge is so dumb.

-Yeah.

Hey, there's Lex. Let's teach him a little lesson.

-Hey, Sternburger.

-We've got something to tell you - this is my boyfriend.

We're together and nothing you can do is going to break us up.

Denise, save some smack-talk for me.

What she said!

That was a good one.

And we've been secretly dating for two weeks.

We're so official. What do you think about that?

You are in deep trouble, busters.

Ooh, I'm shaking. I'm shaking.

-This is how much I'm shaking.

-Yeah, we're shaking in our boots.

-Hey guys, what's going on?

-Hey, what's going on? We were just...

Hey, Ms Stern.

I'm going to enjoy punishing you both immensely.

You two know full well that AITs dating humans is strictly forbidden.

I'm afraid you've asked for this.

What'd you do? What'd you do? Am I a toad?

I can hear my voice, am I a talking toad?

Any time you or Denise have romantic feelings for each other

you will turn a brilliant shade of blue

and I'll be notified upstairs by this alarm.

ALARM BUZZES

If I am called back down here I will be forced to remove

Denise from its immediate area FOR EVER.

OK, no romantic feelings, we can do this.

But I don't want to.

Me neither, but I'd rather have you here than not here, or anywhere!

OK, Ms Stern, we understand.

Great, let's get this break-up started.

To opposite sides of school with both of you.

I know things are tough

but you've got to try to not think about Denise.

Yeah, it'll help if I don't see her.

Denise out of sight, Denise out of mind.

Hang in there, buddy.

Serge was a mere pawn in my quest to show Brittany what it's like

not to get something you've been promised.

Ah-ha, you see, I knew there was some brains behind his brawn.

-Yes, I'm the evil genius behind the whole thing.

-Jane, don't say that.

You're right, I'm not evil.

No, I mean "genius", people use that word to liberally these days.

Ah! Oh! I'll tell you what,

you give the necklace back to Brittany,

along with a sincere apology and you'll only get one month's detention.

SQUEAKING

A punishment which I will gladly cut in half if you help me

-find the necklace I just lost.

-You lost the necklace?

Well, it serves me right for wearing the jacket I use for magic tricks.

-How's the whole forgetting Denise thing going?

-Terrible.

-Oh, yikes.

-Looks like you got your hands stuck in an airplane toilet.

I didn't realise how much I like Denise.

I'm seeing her face everywhere.

On posters, on trophies, even on Serge's body.

-Dude, that's creepy.

-How do you think I feel?

Is there such thing as eye detergent?

Carl, is that really you?

-Yes, it's me.

-Because I've been seeing your face everywhere.

-Me too.

Guys, this is all Lex.

He must have used magic so you guys would imagine each other

everywhere, turn blue and set off the alarm.

Lex may have used magic to make us miss each other,

but it was going to happen eventually anyway.

We can't change what's in our hearts.

If I wasn't the colour of a blueberry you'd see I'm blushing.

I'm surprised you think you can beat me when century after century

you lose and lose and lose.

ALARM SOUNDS

This has to stop. Ms Stern is going to come down and separate

-you two permanently!

-I guess we "blue" it!

Almost a full blue alarm.

Carl picks his nose and wipes it on the back of the couch.

-Carl, Denise has to trim her ear hair with nail clippers and one gets this long.

-Ew!

I pick my teeth with a pen and it makes my teeth black.

-I turn my socks inside out so I can wear them five times.

-It's working.

'Cancelled.'

Those two are lucky!

It's good that you have repulsed each other to get rid of the blue.

Yeah, well, I may not look blue but I still feel pretty blue.

Me, too.

What's crack-a-lacking, Lex?

If you're loving life right now, bro, holler!

Don't you love how these kids talk these days?

I wanted to say I admire an AIT who can impersonate a full angel.

I can't even do that.

Quit busting your own chops, you'll get there

I wanted pointers from an expert.

My transformation skills are getting there.

I can do two right now.

I can do pirate.

Yargh!

And I can also do dog.

Woof!

Not even a real dog?

A dog costume? Pfft, that's weak.

Yeah, I need your help.

We could transform together, pull crazy pranks.

I'm a lone wolf but I'm willing to lay a little demo on you.

Check this.

Wow. Impressive.

Yeah, and I can do her voice, too.

Boom.

ALARM SOUNDS

The blue alarm. I have to go.

Come on, Lex, do her voice.

Check it.

"Hey, I'm Ms Stern.

"I'm so bossy cos I'm super insecure.

"Yo, silence!"

Silence!

Impostor!

Reveal yourself.

I heard the blue alarm and I came here for Carl and Denise

but Lex pretending to be a full angel is a FAR GREATER crime.

Not to mention a very insulting impersonation of me. What?

I'll be back to check up on you two. Don't think I won't.

(Denise, call me.)

Never going to happen!

Denise, this kills me but we have to.

I know.

Porter, could you give us a second?

Look, I am crazy about you

but I don't want you to be banished otherwise you'll never

get your official AIT assignment and you'll never get your angel wings.

So, it's either being with you or being a full angel?

How can I make that choice?

You don't have to.

I will.

I'm going to walk away now and not turn around, but erm,

turn around in case I do.

I'm not looking back.

Up, up, up - there!

Yes.

Stop wasting paper, chumps.

The necklace has been returned. I found it wrapped in this handkerchief.

What a relief and I believe that's my hanky.

Oh. Oh.

What the(?) Oh!

And I believe you offered a reward for that.

But it's your necklace.

500 or I'll scream.

-Brittany, we don't have 500.

-Screaming.

Erm, we could offer you a shiny new necklace.

Ooh.

This necklace does look fantastic on me.

OK, I'll accept.

There's a weird spot on this bead.

Do something!

Jane, Serge, if you find all the beads I'll cancel your detention.

-We'll do it.

-Quick, the beads.

-Oh! Ooh, lookie.

Found one.

-That's 15 minutes off your detention.

-Keep looking.

-Yes!

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