Malone's Your Uncle Wingin' It

-Move out of my way.

-Serge, the hallway's almost empty.

You heard me.

-That girl was checking me out.

-She was looking straight ahead.

-Her peripheral vision was all over me.

-No, it wasn't.

Her left eye was talking to me.

Ever since I broke up with Denise, I've been on a hot streak.

I held the door open for a girl and she smiled at me.

I sank a three pointer and gained a new fan.

Hi. I'm Carl. I'd offer to hold your books, but you have a firm grasp.

-Are you pulling my leg?

-You're from England?

-Yes. Tinsley Pumfield.

I'm visiting my uncle whilst my parents are working on a project.

-What are doing at Bennett High?

-Keeping up with school work.

One mustn't neglect one's daily education.

Do you want to hang out, see a movie, whatever you're into?

Well, Carl, how can I be sure you're not mad bonkers.

No. No bonkers here. I had a radical bonkerectomy.

You wouldn't mind asking my uncle for permission?

-Sure. No problem. Uncles love me.

-Brilliant. There he is.

Hey, Tinsley.

Your uncle's Principal Malone?

# Let's give it one more shot

# Let's give it everything we've got

# Cos if we get it right

# We will surely conquer the world

# Hey! I've got my wings

# From an angel

# Now we're wingin' it all the time

# I'm giving wings to an angel

# Always an angel

# Now we've got to learn to fly. #

-Rejected, huh?

-No, not technically. Her uncle is Principal Malone.

He'll never give me permission to date her.

I can't get permission to go to the dentist.

You could floss more. Back to class.

The first step in getting permission is to ask.

-Talk to Principal Malone.

-She's cute and her accent is intriguing.

Quick. Your destiny awaits.

Yeah, yeah. All right.

Fate awaits.

Actually, fate can wait.

-Principal Malone!

-Carl Montclaire.

-Principal Malone.

-Carl Montclaire.

-Principal...

-We could do this all day. Come on in.

-Someone has a case of the doodles.

-Is that why you smell so bad?

-That kind of remark is why we're not BFFs.

-Yeah, that's why.

-OK. I'm going to ask what you're drawing.

-I'm drafting designs,

right out of my brain.

-So, what's that?

-That is a tank top with sleeves.

-You mean a shirt?

-And those are pants with no legs.

Also known as shorts.

And this is a half scarf, half purse.

Also known as a...

Wait. That's actually very original.

And I need a product to market for my business class assignment.

-This is a guaranteed A plus.

-I don't DO A pluses.

-Why not?

-Because, where do you go from there? Downhill!

-I try to keep it at a C.

-Anyway, what do you call it?

Neckypurse? Scarfsack? Throatbag?

I was going to call it a Neckalopursiack,

but I couldn't spell that, so I call it a Scurse.

-Scurse it is. How do you spell that?

-No idea.

What can I do to make your day a brighter one?

-Well, sir, I just wanted to talk to you...

-Yeah.

-About something important.

-Aha.

It's a...a...

Oh, this is about the strange smell on the third floor.

I have Janitor Jenkins investigating.

HE SNIFFS

It's time for my monthly shower.

-That's not why I'm here.

-OK.

-See, I just wanted to ask you

-for permission...

-Aha.

-To go out...

-Yeah.

..To...

-OK...

-Go out with a bang this year and be your Junior Vice Principal.

Absolutely! I'm in a great mood, I'd probably say yes to anything.

-You would have said yes...?

-To anything.

Let's get you suited up.

Look on the bright side - that blazer looks more...British.

-Carl, did you get my uncle's permission?

-You know what?

-I actually never even asked.

-Really?

-That's so cool.

-Cool?

-That was my test to weed out soft boys.

I don't care what my uncle thinks. I want to date a bad boy,

even if he doesn't dress the part.

This thing?!

I...

I stole it from the teachers' lounge.

Yeah, you know, stolen blazers...thug.

Oh, and a North American bad boy to boot.

I don't need to ask permission. If I want to date a girl, I date her,

just like that, poof!

-Ooh, poof!

-BELL RINGS

I must be off, but I'll catch you later, bad boy.

-So you're going to be a bad boy and Junior Vice Principal?

-Yes.

Small problem, I agree, but that's why I'm giving you an opportunity

to help, so what you got?

When you want to change back, just tap the crest.

VP... Rebel! This is great. You really came through for me.

I'm going to be the nicest bad boy at Bennett High.

-TANNOY:

-Carl Montclaire to the Principal's office.

Or I'll be the baddest nice boy! Duty calls!

Wow! Time flies when I'm creating genius!

You mean when I'm creating genius and you're updating your status.

How do you know I'm not getting my followers

-pumped about the Scurse?

-Were you?

I'm letting everyone know I'm getting my teeth whitened.

Anyway, the Scurses are done. Time to market them.

-Let me update my status.

-To tell your friends about the Scurses?

Nope. I'm writing winter boots on tiny dogs. Hilarious.

I'm carrying a purse and a scarf. How can I juggle all these things?

Now you can, with the Scurse.

You'll always have a hot neck and free arms. Everything a girl wants!

Can you go horseback riding in the cold while carrying marbles?

Now I can. Thanks, Scurse!

Could you drive me to the mall?

In a car? Well, I would, but my car is in the shop.

Ah, Carl. This is my niece, Tinsley. Tinsley, this is Carl Montclaire,

my new Junior VP and the most upstanding student here.

Really?

He...tends...to exaggerate.

-I need to make a few things clear.

-Of course. You're the boss.

(He's not actually the boss. Watch this.)

It's about your duties. Being Junior VP is a huge responsibility.

-Are you ready?

-I was born ready, sir.

-To be your bad boy.

-Your duties will include hall monitoring,

schedule extra curriculars and... taking out the trash.

It's yoga. It's the shy turtle position.

Wait a minute, taking out the trash? Don't we have a guy called Jenkins?

Oh no. Janitor Jenkins sweeps it up. You take it out.

Union rules.

I guess I'm left holding the bag.

Ha-ha! That's funny... cos he's holding the bag.

Tinsley... Tinsley, just wait. Let me explain.

Explain how you and my uncle bonded over a sack of rubbish? Piffle!

-It was all a front.

-You mean a ruse, a bafflry, a bamboozlement?

I'm too much of a bad boy to know what those words mean,

but sure. I was making your uncle think I'm this do-gooder,

trash-taker-outer, but I'm as bad as they come.

Who pretends to be good at dull things, other than my mother?

If I can convince Principal Malone I'm the ultimate Junior VP,

I can take the system down from the inside. Look.

-I'm stinking up the hallway!

-You really are a bad boy.

-Bad enough for you to be my girlfriend?

-Not quite, yet.

At home, when a boy and girl become official,

the girl gives the boy a bracelet.

When do I get it?

When the time's right. Cheerio.

So if Tinsley gives you that bracelet, you're her boyfriend?

-You're an anklet kind of guy!

-You just wish a girl gave you jewellery.

I don't need a girl to give me jewellery.

Yeah, that's much better(!)

We've got a genuine case of Scurse mania!

# Got those old detention blues... #

Alphabetise and three hole punch or three hole punch and alphabetise?

Being Junior VP can be very stressful. You need an outlet.

-I'm going to teach you to play ukulele.

-Oh...why?

Some things don't need a reason.

First finger, third fret, feel the music, go.

Oh, yeah!

THEY WHISTLE

Ah, there he is - the man, the myth, the legend.

Do you have any idea how tiring it is leading a double life?

I am an angel in training, posing as a high school student.

Principal Malone is actually a lot of fun,

but I'm so close to becoming Tinsley's boyfriend.

-Have you had "the talk"?

-Yeah. We've "talked".

"The talk". You don't know what that is.

I do too know what "the talk" is...

"The talk" is when two people who like each other

sit down and talk about...stuff and things...and whatnot.

Did you hear that? Carl has no idea what he's talking about.

When two people like each other, they have to decide

whether or not to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

If Carl doesn't make Tinsley his girlfriend soon,

they'll be stuck in the friend zone.

I can't believe we sold out of Scurses.

This proves I'm the Fashion Queen. Everyone should bow down before me.

-Bowing down before me!

-I want my money back.

My neck kills from this heavy Scurse and I'm not the only one.

We didn't think about how much stuff girls put in their Scurses.

-They're too heavy.

-This is a disaster.

Or an opportunity.

Is your neck like a toothpick trying to hold up a watermelon?

-Then you need Neck Flexer.

-You put it on, you go up, down,

up, down. In reverse - down, up, down, up.

If you're tired, down, down, down!

Neck Flexer your life!

Look at all these noodle-necked customers.

Rebranding as the Neck Flexer was great. We take debit!

So, maybe it's time we decided if we're rolling together or not,

or as squares and nerds say, are we boyfriend and girlfriend?

-Before I give you my bracelet, I want to prank with you.

-What?

Wha... Wha... You're just going to get hurt, Tins!

Tins! Let me say it one more time... Tins!

I'm tired of being good. I want to be part of your world.

-My world? My world...

-And I've got just the thing.

I ran out of spray paint. I was graffiti-ing this large...boat

-last weekend.

-Not a problem. We'll rearrange the letters.

Wee-wooh, wee-wooh. It's the coppers. Run!

I know you're testing to see if I'm a coward,

but I shan't scamper off in fear, now get up there and rearrange.

-That's not nearly rude enough.

-Come on. Tents are hardcore!

No.

No.

No.

No!

-How about that?

-Perfect. Just like this.

The perfect time to give you my bracelet.

-Drat!

-But what about your bracelet? And your heart?

Get bit?! That's a terrible name for a school.

-What's up, sir?

-Mr Montclaire, something you'd like to tell me?

Yes. I'd like to tell you I noticed your new tie. Nice!

Anything else?

Something about... vandalism?

New security cameras. We just had them installed.

That wasn't me.

OK, it was me, but it wasn't "me" me.

Save it. I am so...disappointed!

To think I just got you this. I just returned from the taxidermist.

-"To Carl, the most trustworthy Junior VP."

-Trustworthy! Ha-ha(!)

-That's great. Who's your plaquer?

-I remember it like the other day.

-It was the other day.

-You said, "I'm baiting with a cheese sandwich"

and 'lo and behold did you land this beauty. Why did you do it, Carl?

To impress a girl.

A girl.

It's always a girl.

-Who?

-Tinsley.

-My niece Tinsley?

-Yeah. She said she liked rebels so I pulled a prank.

-Did you only sign on as Junior VP to get closer to her?

-No.

-Or do you mean yes?

-No. I really like being Junior VP.

-You bamboozled me!

-I'll prove it to you.

OK. Now, I'm still working on this, so bear with me.

# Me and you, you and me that's why I like being Junior VP

# Me and you, you and me we're having fun, principally. #

That's all I've got so far.

-Yeah, it's plenty.

-Look, I'm really sorry about all of this.

So why don't you tell me what's going on between you and Tinsley?

-Go ahead.

-I think things between me and Tinsley are over.

-All she responds to is the bad boy act.

-Don't give up, Carl.

-Did you give up when this guy was on the line? No!

-What more can I do?

As the Junior VP, you have all of Bennett High at your beck and call.

Do whatever you want. You get my drift?

Oh!

Sorry about yesterday. I got scared. I'm not used to doing bad things.

But I do enjoy the thrill of them.

Well, good, doll face, because we're about to be bad again.

We're going to pull a diner-dash, eat and run away without paying.

-What do I do?

-See that guy?

He's been giving us the stink eye. As soon as he looks away, we run.

Uno, dos, tres,

Run!

Help, police! I've been robbed by a bad boy!

There's a good tip in it for you, too!

Help, I've been robbed! Help, please!

-Tinsley!

-Oh, that was the most tomfoolery I've had in ages.

I haven't paid for a meal since I was six,

and even then I was a bad tipper.

You're so dangerous.

Boom! Ha-ha!

-Stop right there.

-Oh my! The bobbies.

-I ain't scared.

Montclaire, you're under arrest for dining and dashing.

-Oh, no! Carl?

-Don't worry about me. I'm used to doing hard time.

Let's go, pizza thief.

Now that everyone's necks are stronger, thanks to neck flexers,

they want scurses again.

But it's so hard making these things.

I agree with you there. Unless...

# Scur-scursazzle Scur-scur-scursazzle

# Scur-scursazzle Scur-scur-scursazzler! #

Scursazzler! It is the hippest decorating kit of all time.

Turn your neck flexer into your very own one of a kind customised scurse!

Scursazzler!

BOTH: # Next time you need an outfit dazzler

# Make sure you buy a scursazzler. #

I don't want any trouble, OK? I don't want any trouble.

-I own this hallway.

-Hmmm!

My, Carl, you have such moxy!

Ladies.

I shined your boots for you, sir.

Missed a spot.

I'm sorry, sir.

They'll be ready next Tuesday.

Carl Montclaire.

After your arrest last night, you're not allowed in this school.

This is trespassing.

I'm going to stick around,

and if you don't leave, I'll consider that trespassing.

This is my school.

Golly! You're causing my heart to race.

Don't worry, doll face, this is our turf.

You forced me to do this.

Carl Montclaire, you are expelled!

Take off that respectable blazer and leave the premises immediately.

I'm bouncing out of this hood.

Tinsley? See you on the wrong side of the tracks.

Carl, wait!

-Before you go, take this.

-Yes!

Yahoo! This is the last time

that Carl Montclaire will set foot in these hallways.

The danger he presents to this school is greater

than even he knows.

Ahem, Carl, you're sick, right now.

Sick with bad boyness.

Keep it together, man, keep it together!

I can't do it! I can't disguise my admiration for Carl!

-Carl Montclaire is a good boy!

-What?!

-What is he saying?

-Oh.

I can't keep this charade up any longer.

-Tinsley, this was all staged.

-Who was in on it?

So, everyone!

You were the policeman.

And you work at the pizza parlour.

I should have known you wouldn't polish Carl's shoes.

No, it's for real. I've done it ever since I lost a bet in grade three.

Well, this odd boy aside,

it appears you've got the whole school creating a fiction about you.

Well, what can I say? I'm a good boy.

And I want nothing to do with good boys.

Whoa, whoa, hold that thought. I say Carl actually is a bad boy.

He convinced all these people to lie for him.

Yeah, that is true!

I manipulated the entire school to lie for me to impress you.

-That makes me the ultimate conniving bad boy.

-Yes, it certainly does.

Carl, I think you're too bad for me. In fact, I think you're evil.

No, no, not evil, just bad. I'm a bad boy. Right, everyone?

Mmm-hmm!

Only an evil mind could convince an entire school to lie.

They're all under the spell of Carl, the master manipulator.

I'm not a master manipulator.

Give me back my bracelet. I'm going immediately.

As soon as I buy a scursazzler.

Sorry things didn't work out, bud.

Yeah, I'm sorry, Carl.

Well, I guess it wasn't meant to be.

From now on, I'll stay true to myself.

I know what'll make you feel better.

# Me and you You and me

# We're having fun Principally... # Everyone!

# Me and you You and me

# That's why he likes being junior VP. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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