Pimento Wingin' It

This is completely and totally your fault!

-But is it entirely my fault?

-Yes!

Completely, totally, entirely absolutely,

unconditionally and utterly your fault!

Thanks, Captain Thesaurus.

But you have no idea what you're talking about.

I am an expert on what I am talking about because

what I am talking about is how you keep interfering with my life!

-Oh, really?

-Really!

Are we a little too close?

Little bit.

You're a little hazy on what actually happened.

It just happened! How could I be hazy?

Look, I didn't need any of your "let me put my angel magic on you" help!

I would have won if you hadn't have stepped in!

You want me to show you?

Cos I would be more than happy to show you.

Oh, please. Nothing would make me happier than to see you happy(!)

So show me.

Carl Montclaire, this is the past three days of your life.

'It's the Carl Montclaire Show starring Carl Montclaire.'

That is so cool.

'And co-starring his beloved best buddy,

'the always-charming, always-angelic and the always-right Porter Jackson!'

Wait! Why is your name so big?

-I have a good agent.

-So, what is this?

In Heaven, our TV channels show everything.

What already happened, what will happen, what might happen.

Our cable bills are huge. But ooh! It's worth it.

You wanted to know exactly what happened,

so I'm going to show you your past three days.

All right. Show me!

Hit play. It's going to be a great show.

Oh, it is!

'# Oh, the Slider Slam's coming soon,

'# Eat so much You look like a balloon...'

# Let's turn Terrendale Into buffoons

# In just two days in the afternoon

# Oh moon, June, spoon, lagoooooon! #

Students of Bennett High,

the annual Slider Slam Eating Contest

against Terrendale High is this Friday.

The Bennett Bears have never won.

This year, with our home field advantage, I think we can...

Well, at least not lose as badly as we normally do.

Who's ready to eat?

You should enter. If there's anything Carl Montclaire

-can do, it's eat quickly.

-Too true, Porter.

All those years of my mum's bad cooking

have trained me to be a fast eater.

-You ready, Becks?

-Yup.

Ugh! That was close.

Yeah. I almost tasted something.

Actually, you know what, Porter?

-I'll do it, Principal Malone.

-Oh, Carl Montclaire!

You have an appetite for victory?

-Uh-huh.

-Are you hungry to win?

-Pshh!

-Can you devour the competition?

-Pff!

# Is Carl Montclaire ready to eat? #

I feel the need.

-BOTH:

-# The need to feed! #

# Let's give it one more shot

# Let's give it everything we've got

# Cos if we get it right

# We will surely conquer the world

# Hey!

# I got my wings from an angel

# Now we're Wingin' It all the time

# I'm giving my wings to an angel

# My wings to an angel

# Now we've got to learn to fly. #

And Carl Montclaire's down to his final slider!

Serge is only one burger behind!

Ohhh!

And the winner of the Qualifying Slider Eating Contest round

is Carl Montclaire!

And that means that Carl will represent Bennett High

in the Slider Slam Competition against Terrendale High.

Go, Carl! Carl!

-EVERYONE:

-Carl! Carl!

'Carl! Carl!'

Why'd you pause it?

To show you that I won the Qualifying Round without your help.

I would have won the whole thing

if you hadn't have got your big magic bobbing head involved.

Let's continue, shall we?

Oh, hey! Can I have some popcorn?

Nope! Apparently, you don't like magical help.

'OK, Carl. It's time for the Pre-contest Cycle.

'Now, I want to see some real psyching outing, OK?'

APPLAUSE

Oh! Hello, Principal Mooser.

Hello, Principal Ma-Loser.

It is my pleasure to introduce to you Bennett High's best eater.

The mouth from the South, the stomach from...

..Lamach.

Carl 'Iron Guts' Montclai-i-ire!

And introducing,

at a weight the scale can't even measure,

Terrendale's own The Dumpster!

-That can't be a high school student.

-Yeah! It's more like a high SCHOOL.

Oh, that's not The Dumpster. That's his little brother, The Trashcan.

THAT'S The Dumpster!

I'll break you! I'll batter you!

I'll put you in a deep fryer! And then I'll eat you!

And then, I'll take my plate to the kitchen!

And I'll scrape it off, like Mama told me to!

Yarghh!

Psyching out went well(!)

'OK.

'Right. Got to go.'

Look at you, scaredy cats!

Look. I admit I was nervous, but I still felt good about my chances.

Yeah. Chances to get eaten, maybe!

I don't think so! Yeah! My friends had a plan.

'Not that I totally don't think you're going to win,

'but I totally don't think you're going to win.'

Gee, thanks Brittany(!)

Just keeping it real.

How's he going to beat a guy that's three times bigger than Serge?

We need to formulate a plan to help Carl win against Terrendale.

How about we feed Carl tasty food and stretch his stomach?

Hmm. That's an idea that's easy to swallow.

Though I wouldn't advise it from a fashion standpoint,

but wearing stretchy pants will help your belly expand.

And I promise not to make fun of you.

-WHISPERS:

-Not to his face.

OK, everybody! Dinner time!

I'm not sure I followed the recipe properly.

It was supposed to be a golden brown.

It's more of a silvery green.

I'm sure it's still edible.

Oh! I forgot the gravy!

I made it with sardines and milk.

There is no way you're going to be able to stretch your stomach

eating your mum's food.

I'll get kids from Home Ec to whip up some stretchy food.

But, for tonight, dinner at Yolanda's?

So, how do you think you're going to win this?

-WITH MOUTH FULL:

-I'm just going to try my best and see what happens.

Hmm. Any advice for the kids at home?

MUMBLES WITH MOUTH FULL

That's great!

Carl, you're a hungry man amongst men.

A hope for all those starving for a purpose.

A shining fork on the place setting of life.

Yeah. It's like I'm carrying everybody's dreams now.

Oh, you are, Carl. Hold them tight.

I will, Principal Malone.

Hey! Call me Principal.

Can I get an autograph?

"Live Big..."

"Carl 'Iron Guts' Montclair".

Oh, I will, Carl.

I will.

APPLAUSE

On your mark...

Get set...

EAT!

Why'd you stop it?

To show you the part where you ruined my life.

Also, watching me eat's making me hungry. Sandwich?

Sure.

Here you go.

This is YOUR sandwich.

Right. You don't love pickle as much as I do.

All right. Fire it up.

Now let's watch the part where you RUINED MY LIFE!

You got it.

-He's so close!

-Yeah, but it looks like he's slowing down.

Maybe it's a strategy. Maybe he's trying to psyche out Dumpster.

I can't eat! My hands are moving too fast!

It's a meat storm! Save yourselves!

Your man's thrown all his sliders away! He's disqualified!

Terrendale wins!

PORTER LAUGHS

You really put the meat in "meteor shower".

No, you did. Your angel magic got me disqualified.

Hey, you shouldn't have given me that look.

-Look! What look? There was no look!

-There was a look.

-Never was there a look!

-Yes, there was.

You know that sad, desperate face when you need magical help?

Dude, that's just my face.

Really?

Ooh, what's that?

What's that?

I'll tell you what it is - the look!

OK, even if there was, what kind of crumby magic was that?!

My hands moved faster than my mouth!

With your mouth I'd figure you'd keep up.

I was so close to being the Slider Slam Champion.

-People were calling me the Slider Slampion!

-What people?

Pshhhhh... Uh... Um... Zum...

OK, look, I was just going to start calling myself that once I won.

But that's never going to happen, Porter! I'll never get to go down that road!

What a glorious road that would've been.

One of the things that Carl needs to learn

is that life is full of bumps and turns in the road.

It's not about wanting to be on another road,

but being cool with the road you're on.

Want to see what would've happened, if I hadn't helped you with magic?

-Do it.

-OK, let's change channels.

Why are we watching from the qualifying round?

-Did you mess up again?

-Just watch you'll see.

And Carl Montclaire is down to his final slider!

RUMBLING NOISES

-You OK there, Carl?

-I don't feel so good.

What's going on with my stomach?

You know those sliders? Pimento infused.

That meat has pimentos in it?

The pimento. It's a mild heart-shaped chili pepper.

Basically it's that little red thing inside of an olive.

I like sucking them out and putting the olives on my fingers,

and pretending I'm a swamp monster. Arrgh!

Look the point is...

How do I put this? I'm kind of pimento intolerant.

When I eat them my stomach gets all bloaty,

and starts making these weird squeaky sounds.

Seriously it's like there's an alien inside of me,

trying to crawl out through my belly button.

Arrgh!

Who cooks burgers with pimentos?

All official Slider Slam meat has pimentos in it.

-Since when??

-Since 1947 - it's in the rule book.

You think the first time I helped you out

in this competition was fast hands magic?

-I helped you out way before that.

-When?

I used magic during the qualifying round to de-pimento the slider meat.

-Oh, who cares, Porter! I still won without you.

-Uh-huh.

-Nervous?

-No, my stomach hurts.

-Don't touch me!

-Take my advice, Carl, always...

I don't care! Do you have anything to settle my stomach?

-No!

-Then what good are you? What good are any of you?

-Gee, Carl, we're only trying to help!

-Get out of my way.

-Carl!

-Ugh, don't have time.

Oh, but it's time for the pre-contest psyche out.

-I'm really hoping you can...

-Ugh!

Wow, someone's a grumpy gus.

Use that anger, Carl, use it!

-You're being mean to everyone!

-Yeah, cos my stomach is killing me!

I've got about 500 pimentos rattling around.

500 pimentos, zero friends.

I will break you! I will battle you! I'll put you in...

Look, man, I don't want to hear it just get out of my way!

I believe my feelings have been hurt. Badly!

We need to formulate a game plan so Carl can win against Terrendale.

I need to go lay down. Guys, I do not care what you do.

CARL GROANS

Why are we even bothering to help him?

He is being a total diva and that's my thing!

Maybe that's his game plan. Stay angry to keep his edge.

He's in that zone, only elite athletes can do that.

But the competition isn't for two days.

Isn't that a long time to be in the zone?

-How can we keep him there?

-Do what my coach does to us. Tough love.

-Yeah, let's get Carl fighting mad!

-So he's hungry for victory.

Then let's make Carl mad!

Keep you mad?! What kind of plan is that, Carl?

A lousy one.

Too bad you weren't there to say so.

-What?

-I didn't magic the pimentos out of your sliders, so you got

tummy ache and went grouchy which they mistook for competitive anger.

Sometimes it's tough to convince a human to be happy

with the path they're on.

Porter's trying a tricky manoeuvre, but he might be able to pull it off.

-You're really enjoying this, aren't you?

-Who doesn't enjoy being right?

Let's continue.

Nice pink frill! Ha, ha!

Oooh, "chump"!

LAUGHTER

How do you think you'll win this?

-I'm going to eat more sliders...

-Oh, question!

Fine! I guess you'll never know my slider-eating technique!

-STOMACH GRUMBLES AND GROANS

-Oh, no.

What do you think, Carl? Have we captured your essence?

Yeah(!)

Woo! Yeah! You're welcome!

No, you're all welcome - to leave me alone.

I don't need any of your so-called help.

Man you've gotta love his technique, the guy's such a pro.

Let's watch some more, shall we?

-Can we skip this and go to the competition?

-You got it.

Oh, just a couple more minutes till the Slider Slam competition!

-How you feeling Carl?

-I'm furious.

Ah, maintaining that hardcore edge. Got it.

-Your friends want me to tell you something.

-What?

They're not coming!

This is what we've decided to do.

We figure by the time Carl shows up for the Slider Slam,

the whole angry focus thing will be ready to come off the field.

So to re-angerify him we'll not show up for the competition.

He'll thank us later.

-Who needs 'em.

-Everybody needs friends.

STRUMS INTRO TO SONG

# If you're looking for a loser - look over there

# Everybody stare! Everybody glare!

# Don't give a care for Carl... Montclaire. #

APPLAUSE

You may not like his lyrics but that tune is catchy.

It doesn't matter. I'm still going to win this thing.

Hey, Carl! Hey, check this out! Dumpster! Dumpster!

CHANTING: Dumpster!

Dumpster!

Your own school's cheering for me?

That's L! Loser!

-Dumpster! Dumpster! Dumpster!

-Porter!

Look, you gotta help me out, man.

-How?

-I don't know, use your magic.

Make me eat really fast, or gimme a giant stomach, or shoot down

The Dumpster. Gimme something to get rid of this

-gas in my stomach.

-No can do.

Why not? You've always help me out!

Yeah, not this time, Buddy.

Dumpster! Dumpster! Dumpster!

CHANTS CONTINUE

Yeah, it doesn't matter, I'm still going to win this thing.

On your mark. Get set! EAT!

CHEERING

Let me guess, there's pimentos in the meat.

Oh, yeah, chock full of pimentos.

Oh, my boy is going to blow!

OK, I don't want to watch anymore, Porter.

All downhill from here, pal of mine.

Look out!

RUMBLING BURPS

Ew! That was just wrong.

Ah, that's better! I actually have some room in my gut now.

-Yes! Ha ha!

-Yep, look who got his second wind.

Slider Slampion! Slider Slampion! In your face!

Oh, no! Watch out, Dumpster, he's gaining on you!

Eat your heart out, Carl!

Yes. Yes, I won!

I am the Slider Slampion! Wow!

I beat the pimento. I destroyed the pimento.

I am pimento man! Ha ha!

-Pretty pleased with yourself aren't you?

-Yep!

Keep watching, Slampion.

Yes, I am the winner!

LOUD CONTINUOUS BURPING

Well, you did it, Carl.

Must feel good.

Yeah, yeah. Feels great.

Looks like you didn't need angel magic to win after all.

Yeah, it doesn't feel as good as I thought.

It happens sometimes. Version one -

you lost but you were happy, and had your friends to support you.

Whereas in version two - you won, but you drove them all away.

Plus I had three days of wicked indigestion.

Yeah, it was hard to share a room with you. I'll tell you what...

I'll give you the choice of what reality you want to be in.

You can do that?

It's not easy but, yeah, I'll do it for you.

So which one do you want?

It's a meat storm. Save yourselves!

Your man has thrown all his sliders away! He's disqualified!

Terrendale wins!

Yes!

Yes! I lost!

Great try, Carl. Or great try at trying.

Anyway, this is as long as I can care about this. Toodles.

Don't worry about it, Montclaire, second place is all right.

Wow, Carl, you're like the whirling dervish of sliders.

Yeah, and I had a blast. I'm glad all you guys were here to see it.

For someone who just lost you're pretty happy.

How about a quote for The Bennett Newshound?

Sometimes when you lose, you win.

-That's perfect.

-Yeah, it is.

So, we need to formulate... Erm...

Don't laugh!

What my brain...

Is there anything Carl Montclaire can do...

So glad you guys appreciate my cooking, my stack is...

falling.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd