Practical Romance Wingin' It

Isn't that your third bottle of water this morning?

I don't know if you know this, but the average human is 74% water.

-No, I didn't.

-I mean, I don't mean to brag but I'm 79.

80.

DREAMY MUSIC PLAYS

Wow! Sarah Davies!

-Are you doing slow-mo magic on her?

-No, man. That's all you.

Why don't you go ask her out?

Porter, there's no way I'm going to ask...

Not cool, Porter.

Hi, Sarah. I'm Carl.

I know. I sit behind you in math class.

Yeah, but I figured you'd only recognize the back of my head.

Definitely you. I know that cowlick anywhere.

-So, what's up, Carl?

-Well, let me get right to the point.

-I like that in a...

-Man? Were you going to say man?

-Person.

-Oh, men are people too.

-So they are.

-So they are.

-So they are.

-So they are.

-So they are.

-So they are.

So this is you getting to the point?

Right, um,

would you maybe be interested going out with me sometime?

Sure. That'd be fun.

Yeah, you know what, some other time, that's fine.

Really?

I mean, right, right, of course.

I did just ask you out, right?

Yes, you did. And I said yes.

OK. How about tomorrow? I'll call you with the deetes.

You mean details?

I call them deetes. Get right to the point. Saves a syllable.

-She said yes, Porter.

-Of course she did.

-Wait. Did you have anything to do with that?

-No. It was all you, dude.

Really? All me? Wow. This calls for some slow-mo.

Carl, no slow-mo in the hallways. You'll be late for class.

# Let's give it one more shot

# Let's give it everything you got

# Cos if we get it right

# We will shine, top of the world

# Hey, I got my wings from an angel

# Now we're wingin all the time

# I'm giving the wings to an angel

# The wings to an angel

# Now we got to learn to fly. #

Congratulations, Montclaire.

-Word on the street is you got a date with One-Date Davies.

-Who?

Sarah Davies.

Anybody could take her out on a first date,

but no-one's got a second date with Sarah including me.

Or me. She told she's got a thing called standards.

What kind of date are you planning?

Um, I don't know. Usual dating stuff.

-Little of this, little of that.

-That's minor league, Montclaire.

-What did you do?

-Serge brought his A game.

Normally it'd be a Serge-themed date.

Read from a football playbook, chug some sport drinks,

show her some of Serge's trophies, just the big ones.

Thanks for a wonderful date, Serge.

Perhaps Serge would be able to win a second date.

Oh, that's so sweet, but I don't think so.

Serge. Serge.

-Yo, Serge!

-Right. Got to stop reliving my flashbacks.

Sounds like a pretty rough date.

I'm still selling my sport memorabilia to pay for it.

By sports memorabilia,

I mean next season I'm playing hockey without the stick.

Attention, everyone!

I have been networking with a real live theatre director.

Isn't that exciting?

THEY APPLAUD

And there's a chance that I am going to be in a play.

The director wants me to do a dramatic monologue to see

if I've got the goods and let me tell you, I have the goods.

THEY APPLAUD

Therefore I am planning a Brittany Hanson showcase,

so the director can see my spectacular uber talent.

Don't be shy. Sign up here. Auditions are at lunch and remember,

the better you can make me look, the better I look.

If anyone can get a second date with Sarah, it's you.

You just need a practice date to get ready.

I'm curious what kind of solution Porter's going to come up with here.

As one of our top AITs,

he always brings something innovative to the table.

All right here's my plan.

I turn myself into a girl and Carl takes me out on a fake date.

If you can date passed this,

you're ready for anything.

Ew. Maybe not.

Should be with a girl who can completely objective.

Someone who has absolutely no feelings for you whatsoever.

BOTH: Jane.

THEY PLAY STRANGE MUSIC

I like where you guys are taking music

and I only want one band opening for me so you're in.

THEY WINCE

The Listern sisters are taking music to a new place,

-But what if they weren't available?

-Why's that?

-Detention!

Yes! They've got a detention on... When's the show?

-Tomorrow.

-Oh, all day tomorrow.

Well into the evening detention.

Well, I...

BAGPIPES SQUEAL

If the Listerns can't make it then

-I guess I'll go with your band.

-Yes!

I'm going to practice my hot licks.

And now I'm going to treat you all to a very rare, sneak preview

of my dramatic monologue.

Prepare your hankies, people.

It aches to be a widow

when the light fades

and the dawn breaks

and you have not yet slept, left awake,

just dreaming of all that could have been.

How can you not be crying?

I only cry when I'm sad. 'And I'm not that sad.'

It didn't really seem to come from the heart, Brittany.

Yeah, no motivation.

You're right. I'm Brittany. I'm perfect. I'm not sad.

How could I possible be sad with teeth like these?

THEY APPLAUD

Your only chance with Sarah is to have a great first date.

Besides, I need a subject for my human interaction project, you'll do.

If you change the names to protect the innocent, I'm your guinea pig.

You're not going to do that on the date, are you?

No. I don't do rodents on the first date.

OK, let's start at the beginning. Give me a proper greeting.

Sup?

Try again.

Hey, Jane, how you doin'?

What's crackalackin? Did you not hear me? I said what's crackalackin?

H to the E to the double L-O.

Konichiwa!

OK, greet me with a hug.

No, no.

-Oh!

-Aye!

OK, well, that's a good start,

but you know me, I love a challenge!

You that ride at the fair that spins you around and flips you upside down

and change falls out your pocket then it's over and you're dizzy

but you want to go on it again?

-Yeah.

-Dating a girl's just like that.

Thank you for letting me go to the bathroom Miss Casey.

On to lesson 23, determining which date is right for you.

Serge, can you make me sad?

Easy-peasy. Serge watched a sad movie last night.

This guy gets a love letter from someone he hasn't seen in 20 years.

The letter was lost at the post office.

I like where this is going.

There are four kinds of dates.

The adventure date.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Aren't we moving a bit fast?

The parachute won't open!

THEY SCREAM

No adventure dating for me. Too much adventure.

The romantic date.

More vanilla yogurt?

That's not vanilla yogurt, is it?

THEY SCREAM

I think romantic dates are for the birds. What else you got?

The sports date.

I'll catch this ball for you, Sarah.

I think sport dates are a little too concussiony.

Yeah, I don't know why I put that one on the board.

Do you know me at all, Jane?

I do, and that is why I think you'd be perfect for the classic date.

That sounds like me.

Actually, I could take Sarah to Yolanda's for Brittany's showcase.

Perfect! OK, go find Sarah and give her the deetes.

BOTH: It saves a syllable!

Even after the infection from the letters paper cut had healed,

he could never play football again!

SHE SNORES

He could never play football again!

Not even touch football!

I didn't need a nap! I need to be sad!

And now that I've had a little bit of a beauty rest, I'm even happier.

Thanks for nothing!

-Porter! Can you make me sad?

-Who can be sad around me?

You're right, everybody loves you. Hey, you should be my MC tonight.

Done. Why don't you try Mr Telson?

Mr Telson, I need you to make me sad because...

I don't need a reason, I'd love to make you sad. Where do we begin?

There's a lot of choices, you know. You're shallow, there's that.

I keep my best qualities on the surface for everybody to see.

SUBSTANDARD! AS USUAL!

And when people tell you the truth about yourself you don't get it

because you're too obtuse.

-I used to be obtuse and then I started going to the gym.

-Obtuse!

-It means...never mind.

-Please, Mr Telson, don't give up on me.

Dig deep, sir. HE LAUGHS

All right. Buckle up.

You are a delusional, vapid,

egomaniacal, vacuous, self-absorbed, dizzy,

completely narcissistic celebrity wannabe!

I do want to be a celebrity and I will!

You have not helped me at all! I feel better than when you began.

There's two hours till showtime and I still have no motivation.

I give up!

That's why I don't let people in.

OK, I get it. You're sad. Now quit showing off!

Did you hear my band is gigging for Brittany's showcase?

-I heard you were opening for her.

-Actually she's closing for us.

Yeah, word.

Heh!

Aah!

SCARY MUSIC

Ah!

Aah!

OK. Detention cancelled!

And you can be in my band.

HE WHIMPERS

-Oh. Hey, Sarah. Wait up.

-And you are?

Erm, C-C-Carl Montclair.

-I'm just kidding.

-OK. Yeah, I was just kidding too.

HE GIGGLES

-I've been thinking about our date.

-Really?

-Yeah.

I've been working hard to make sure it's perfect.

I was thinking we could go to Yolanda's.

Brittany's got an audition showcase tonight.

Great. I'll meet you there.

That went well. I saw her, I approached her, said hi.

"Hey, it's Carl." Shared a laugh, gave her the deets.

Yeah!

Now I'm standing here talking to myself but who cares? Hah!

OK, I really hope this place is to your liking.

It did receive a four star rating in the Bennett Newshound.

I know. I wrote that review.

"No-nonsense Art Deco Asian fusion bistro

"that caters to the student on a budget."

-Aw, you remembered!

-My lady.

Excellent small talk, Carl.

OK, so on your date with Sarah you'll need some go-to

conversation pieces.

First start with the sweet story about your childhood.

Actually, there was this one time I found a bunny.

-Ready for your showcase?

-No.

I'm not going to find motivation in time for my monologue.

-Is your director here?

-Not yet.

When she sees my happy, happy monologue,

my life is going to be over, over.

So when the bunny's leg healed,

I let go and he scampered back to the woods.

I go back sometimes and he'll come up and say hi.

-Last year he even brought his little baby bunnies.

-Oh! Baby bunnies!

That was such a sweet story.

I didn't know you were good with animals, Carl.

I even got Serge to eat out of the palm of my hand.

THEY LAUGH

-I've got to start the show so break a leg, Brittany.

-Oh!

I could break my leg! That would make me sad.

Get back here, Porter, and kick me in the leg.

HE LAUGHS

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to Brittany Hanson's Showy Show-off Showcase.

APPLAUSE

I'd like to welcome our first act, the strong Serge Delvecchio.

APPLAUSE

Serge is going to start his act with some push-ups.

HIP HOP MUSIC

One and a-two and a-one, two...

One, two...

I think this is the point in the date where I ask about you.

Correct! This date is going so well, Carl.

All right, let's see.

I know you love journalism and you love things to be organised

but if you had to pick between the two, which would it be?

That is a very interesting question!

So in keeping organised, I'll be able to be a better journalist. Wow!

I'd never thought about it like that. Thanks, Carl.

Yeah, yeah. Anytime. So why don't I buy you some dessert?

I hear they've got some really good deep-fried ice cream.

-Mm! Sounds delicious.

-ROMANTIC MUSIC

One, two, three, four!

MUSIC: "Scotland the Brave"

-Carl.

-I've got to stay hungry for my date with Sarah.

SHE LAUGHS

SHE SQUEALS

I must be a great teacher because Carl is an amazing student.

I'm having such a great time!

Looks like we have just enough time to practice the official walk home.

-Shall we?

-We shall.

I had a great time tonight, Jane.

I'm sure Sarah's going to have just as much fun as I did.

So the last step is Sarah's kiss good night.

All right.

Don't be shy, Carl.

Erm, right. That was, erm...

Erm, yeah.

We should do this again sometime. Shall we do this again sometime?

Erm, yeah. Sure. I'd love a second date, Sarah.

Oh, I meant...yeah.

Sarah would love a second date.

She really would.

You should go. You're running late for your date with Sarah.

Erm, right.

Sarah. Running late.

MUSIC: "Scotland the Brave"

Thank you very much! We have been Sound Soup. Good night.

Hi Carl. You're a little late, aren't you?

Yeah. Uh-huh.

I've never had anyone be late before. Curious.

Kiss? What kiss?

I didn't say kiss.

Good.

I have been practicing and prepping and perfecting my date with Sarah

and suddenly, I don't seem to care.

After that great date with Jane and that kiss,

I mean, that was some kiss!

Want a menu? Let me get you a menu.

So, what do you recommend?

Kiss? What kiss?

No, I meant to eat.

Huh? Oh, I don't know.

I don't have much of an appetite.

Carl is the first guy who isn't totally in to me.

I've never met anyone so casual. I'm so into that.

What are you going to do now, Alex?

I'm gonna drink some water and sing a song.

That sounds stupid.

Don't call me stupid.

The theatre director is going to be here any minute.

She needs to see genuine emotion and feelings,

and I don't even know how to spell genuine.

Text! It's the director.

You read it.

Oh... She's not coming.

What?!

My whole future is ruined!

I'm never going to get over this sadness.

Sadness. Yes! I found my sadness.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,

and now the moment you've all been waiting for.

It aches to be a widow.

When the light fades and dawn breaks,

you have not yet slept.

Left awake, just dreaming of all that could have been.

This as been the best date I've ever been on.

Would it be all right if I walked you home?

Whatever you need.

At the fading light of dawn,

the streetcars stop...

..the subways begin.

I had a really, really good time tonight, Carl.

I've never been on a date with anyone as cool as you.

You're just so different.

Yeah.

I've got to go. School night.

High five!

Save that for later.

So do you think maybe we could do this again sometime?

Why don't we play it by ear?

Oh, OK. I'll call you.

I'm still reeling over the news that you kissed Jane.

Yeah, me too.

I feel like I could high five the world.

Hey, are you high fiving because you got a second date

with one-date Davies?

-Nope. There will no second date with Sarah.

-I knew it!

I know, you were right.

Don't worry, Montclaire. Better men than you have failed, like me.

And worse men have tried and failed too, like me.

So have you talked to Jane?

No.

So what now?

I guess we'll see.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd