Announce of Prevention Wingin' It

'Good morning, students.'

Today is the fifth day of the month,

and a full moon will arrive in 12 days.

Does that make it a gibbous moon?

Wow, I'm surprised I'm still awake.

If it was any more boring, I would die of boredom.

'Also, we'd like to say a fond farewell'

to the drama department's mascot, Hamlet the hamster.

'Now, some study tips.'

And study tip number four,

remember to not listen to these announcements

if you want to stay alert! You do one.

Ooh, ooh...

I'm Principal Malone and I'm really boring.

And I don't have a car but I do have a hideous haircut...

Blah-da-blah-da-blah...

Aargh!

But...Principal Malone?!

How are you here? You're doing the announcements.

'Another study tip for you geography students...'

Yeah, I tape those beforehand.

'Now on the wall...'

You're listening to my seventh and, sadly, best take.

That was your best take? Eesh!

Doing announcements is a lot harder than you think!

Way to go, Carl. You just broke Principal Malone.

Wh...I...?!

# Let's give it one more shot

# Let's give it everything we got

# Cos if we get it right

# We will surely conquer the world

# Hey!

# I've got my wings from an angel

# Now we're wingin' it all the time

# I'm giving wings to an angel

# On the wings of an angel

# Now we've got to learn to fly. #

HE WAILS

Hey, Porter. Thanks for getting here so fast.

-What's up?

-Principal Malone is in his office.

-And?

-And he's crying like a little baby.

-I need you to use some magic to unlock the door.

-You got it.

HE WAILS

Principal Malone?

Are you OK, sir?

No.

An actual Educational Evaluator's going to visit Bennett High

to see how well I'm doing as principal.

But you're doing a great job, sir.

No, no, no. It's all a ruse.

You've all been duped by my blue suits,

my patent shoes, my breath mints.

This place is a disaster. Look at you three, right!

You're talking to me, you should be in class learning!

After this evaluation, I'll probably get fired!

Oh, is that why you're going on and on and on about studying

during the announcements?

-HE WAILS

-Keep it together, sir.

Yeah. Hey, why don't you get Carl to do the announcements?

He'll jazz the students right out of their apathy.

Yeah, yeah, sure, you know. Whatever I can do to help

motivate them to study harder.

I could do them too! People love the sound of my voice.

You'd do that for me, really?

As long as you stop crying.

Yeah, I can do that.

HE CRIES

...and that's all for club news.

And for birthdays,

a very happy birthday to Hamlet the Hamster.

Hamlet's no longer with us.

..who would be five if he were still alive.

(And you're supposed to promote studying.)

Er...so let's all read a book about hamsters in his memory.

We'll miss you, little guy.

For Brittany and Carl, I'm Carl.

And for Brittany, I'm Brittany.

Great job, guys.

It is electric out there.

The students are actually listening to announcements again!

Awesome.

For the next segment, I think we should focus on substance.

Facts, figures, fun stuff...

Bo-ring, Carl. Nobody wants to listen to that.

It's all about the flash!

We just did this great thing,

and there's Brittany trying to steal my thunder.

She doesn't appreciate my factoids.

That's right, I said "factoid".

That Carl! Trying to ride my flashy coat-tails.

Nobody rides my coat-tails

except the people I pay to ride my coat-tails.

And why do they ride them? For the flash!

And because I pay them.

Have a voice-off. See whose announcements fire up the students.

And can we remember just one thing?

What? That the best man should win?

No, that my job is on the line.

'Mr Dolby, geometry can be found in everyday life.'

When like.. Serge liked Madeline and Madeline liked Pete

and Pete liked Madeline. A love triangle.

'Inspired, equating geometry to a triangle of love.'

These are the Carl Montclaire announcements.

Here to update you with the current events is Jane Casey.

Good day, Mr Montclaire.

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

The Bennett Newshound. Edited by Jane Casey. Page one.

"Hallway Floors Need Polishing."

'Bennett's hallway floors need serious polishing.

'I don't mean to WAX poetic,

'but a dull floor is a poor REFLECTION on the school.'

SPEAKS HOARSELY

If you could see this comic, you would see that Yappy the Dog

'is wearing a hat that's far too big for him, and he's saying,

'"Ain't no place in this town for a dog."'

Then Melissa was like, "I totally did not say that."

Then Miranda was like, "You totally did."

And then I was like, "I totally did not."

So much drama, this is such story structure.

Gossip is an ancient form of storytelling.

'You need a killer opening, a cool hook and a twist ending

'that leaves somebody in a heap of their own shame.'

'So true. Gossip is good.'

..and that's the whole newspaper.

'Copyright Bennett News Corp.,

'all rights reserved.

'The end.'

Thank you, Jane, for that flashy and compelling segment.

Thanks Jane, that was the best nap I've had in my life.

Carl, you made this an easy choice.

I'm going with Brittany's flashy and effective study announcements.

You're officially cancelled.

But why? that segment had substance and flash. Right, Jane?

-SPEAKS HOARSELY

-Yeah...I...

Seems like the cancellation has left you both speechless.

Hey, Jane. What's with the scarf and hot fluids?

I got laryngitis from all that reading.

You should be glad Jane got you cancelled.

Now you don't have to deal with Brittany's crazy competitiveness.

-But now I want to beat her more than ever!

-Why?

She won't stop teasing me.

And now, a very special announcement for Carl Montclaire.

Na na-na na-NA naaa!

STUDENTS LAUGH

Take her down.

You take her down hard.

Na na-na na-NA naaa!

-BLOWS RASPBERRY

-Hi, Porter.

I know exactly what to do.

If you don't let me do the announcements instead of Brittany,

I'm afraid I'll have to show everyone this.

In this scene, the swamp monster is breaking into the school at night.

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

Oh.

Oh, sweet juju beans.

I'm breaking ALL the rules!

I'm a roller skating, music-listening,

gum-chewing, hall-texting rebel!

Whoo!

Ohhh!

So, about doing those announcements...

Carl, you put me in a very precarious position here.

If the students don't improve before the evaluation, I'll be fired.

Look, if you give me just one more chance, I promise I will do better.

And, hey, if I beat Brittany along the way, that's just a bonus.

Deal. But don't let me down.

Don't let me down.

Hello? Mrs Lennox?

Carl...Montclaire! Huh?

Take a load off.

Have a seat. Huh? Huh? Huh?

So, you come today.

The day before my hamster's funeral.

Huh? On this day of sadness and reflection? Huh?

On this day of...

I need advice on how to be more dramatic.

Ooh! Why didn't you say so?

Right. I really need to wow the students over the announcements.

You know, something that's really going to grab their attention.

Play to your strengths, Carl. You're a science fiction fan, right?

-Have you ever heard of War Of The Worlds?

-The movie?

No, no, no - the radio play.

It was a story about an alien invasion told so vividly,

so realistically, that everyone listening thought it was real!

-Thank you, Mrs Lennox.

-Glad I could help.

Oh, hammy. Oh...

I need my voice back.

Mrs Lennox asked me to deliver the eulogy

for Hamlet the hamster in drama class.

-I don't want to let anyone down.

-No problem.

How's your voice now?

# Testing, testing, this is most arresting.

# I can only sing I don't have a speaking voice

# Of all the things you could do, this is the worst choice! #

That can't be right.

Porter, I need you to summon the angel textbook for me.

I can't summon it myself until I'm an official AIT.

You really have to stop beaming me in, every time you need...

Don't worry, there'll be something in here to explain what's going on.

-All right, I'll need a little bit of help for this one.

-You got it.

Good day, students. I'd like to begin this announcement

with a list of club meetings.

The Abacus Club will be meeting in Room 217,

The AV Club... One moment please,

I have just been handed a late breaking news announcement.

There have been reports of electrical disturbances

'on the roof of the school.

'Oh no, what was that?'

-HUMMING NOISE

-It seems to be coming from the roof!

I'm going up to investigate.

-I am now walking up the stairs.

-FOOTSTEPS

I have reached the second flight of stairs.

'I am now on the second floor.

-I'm opening the door to the roof.

-CREAKING

It's bright outside...

-DOOR SLAMS

-'I'm just letting my eyes adjust.

'Oh, no!'

'This doesn't seem right...

HUMMING NOISE

'Oh, my stars!

'There seems to be some sort of otherworldly spacecraft'

or space-pod, if you will,

probably from the Andromeda Galaxy,

which is approximately 2.5 million light-years from Earth.

The doors are moving.

-The doors are now opening.

-CREAKING

'Something is emerging from the pod...'

I knew this day would come! No-one would believe me!

I believe!

(That you're a nutjob.)

'It's an extraterrestrial biological entity.'

It's probably a carbon-based life form!

Carbon being the fourth most abundant

'element in the universe, behind helium, hydrogen and oxygen.

'Remember that, kids, it's an important lesson.'

He, or she -

I can't tell if it's a he or a she -

is now boring through the roof with some kind of laser.

STUDENTS GASP

STUDENTS SCREAM

LASERS FIRE

'I'm getting word now that these aliens can only be repelled

'by a thorough understanding of scientific principles!

'Our only hope...'

..is to study for our lives!

You heard what Carl said. Knowledge is power! Take a textbook.

Read chapter three, OK? Tin foil is your friend.

Good. Everyone got one? OK.

What the dickens is going on here?

This could be my third abduction this year!

What is on your head?

# Everyone learn your science facts

# Or you'll end up as alien snacks! #

So much for Bennett High getting a decent evaluation. I'm doomed.

# Doo-oo-oo-oomed. #

HE SIGHS

Mr Montclaire, your fake alien scare was way over the line.

Yeah. Way, waaay over.

-The school was in a state of total chaos.

-Yeah, total chaos.

With a capital "K". And a capital "Oss".

I was just trying to motivate the students. I had flash and substance.

He's going to cancel me again.

Don't worry, I got you covered.

Carl, I have no choice but to cancel you...again.

If you cancel the show, Principal Malone, I quit.

-OK.

-I tried.

Hey, Carl.

Na na-na na-NA naaa.

BLOWS RASPBERRY Big news!

-Science marks are up!

-So is interest in reading!

The library's entire section of sci-fi books are checked out!

All thanks to that alien invasion scare.

Is there nothing our friends from the cosmos can't do?

"Nothing they can't do" - that's a double negative.

-I was not unaware of that.

-Ooh, you did it again!

Because I was aware!

This is great! Your unconventional methods are motivating the students.

Which is why I'm giving you even more time for announcements!

Next time, way bigger.

Really?! Thanks!

-Hey, Brittany?

-Yeah?

Na na-na na-NA naaa!

You deserve that.

WHISTLE BLOWS

Hey, Dr Cassabi.

Hey. What's up?

Jane can't stop singing and I can't find anything

in the Angel Textbook to explain why.

-Did you use Vocal Amplification Magic?

-No.

-Voice Training Magic?

-No.

Semi-Permanent Singing Magic?

Would I use Semi-Permanent Singing Magic?

OK, OK. Maybe I used Semi-Permanent Singing Magic.

I'm afraid there's nothing to do but wait for it to wear off.

It takes about a week. Ow.

Nice pass, Rachael.

-What?

-I'm just glad it's not me this time.

Hey, there you are! I need you to magic yourselves into zombies.

It's totally going to scare the students into studying harder.

All right, two zombies coming up.

MOURNFUL ORGAN MUSIC

It's time to say goodbye to our beloved Hamlet the hamster.

You should've seen the little guy on a wheel!

He could run all night long.

Around and around and around.

If I'd had a few more like him, we could've won the nationals.

HE SOBS

Don't cry, Dr Cassabi. Hamsters aren't that expensive.

-That's cold, son.

-Show some empathy!

Ahem! Jane, if you please.

# Some words of tribute must be said

# For our poor hamster now lies dead

# It came too soon, he wasn't old

# But now he is all stiff and cold

# He will not squeak, run or jump

# Because he's just a furry lump. #

That was an odd but beautiful tribute.

-Beautiful?! That was terrible!

-I know, I was just being polite.

How could you make light of such a sad situation? I'm horrified.

Although I must commend you on your very fine singing voice.

May I suggest we restore a bit of dignity to this memorial

with a moment of silence?

'Zombies! Zombies in the gym, zombies in the cafeteria,

'zombies on the second floor.'

-Oh, no!

-Eulogy is over.

-Everybody run!

THEY SCREAM

'There's been an infestation of knowledge zombies in the school.'

Zombies!

Aargh! Run for your lives.

The knowledge zombies have an appetite for uneducated brains,

so you can save yourself by brushing up on your math.

Or science. Or English.

Or any subject, for that matter!

Good luck out there!

-That should motivate the students.

-That's a good idea, Carl,

but I don't know how it's going to top the alien invasion.

You somehow got the entire building to shake with that.

Don't worry about the students buying into this one, sir.

I'm going to arrange for some "zombies" to roam the halls.

Oooh, that will really sell this idea. Zombies.

-Look out!

-Principal Malone?

-Yeah?

-I'm the evaluator.

Oh, I hate my life.

# I don't want to lose my job

# But it looks bad

# I am one unlucky slob

# And that's so sad

# Just a slob with no job

# That's too bad

# That's so sad. #

Actually, I was wondering if we could just

hold off on that evaluation, just for a moment?

There's this tiny little thing that I'd like to clear up first.

Oh, my, whoa! Look at those eager students.

They can't wait to get to class. I'll be right back.

Carl! Stop the zombies! Stop the zombies, Carl!

What kind of a school is this?

HE GIBBERS

Survival tip 12. A zombie in transition may show little or no

signs of infection. Proceed with caution.

Lazy brains!

Aargh!

Carl, there you are! Carl.

Hey, Principal Malone. Zombie attack's a-go.

These students' marks will be through the roof!

We've got to stop the zombie attack.

The Evaluator has showed up here early,

The presence of your fake zombies is sure to destroy any hope

I have of staying at my beloved Bennett High!

Oh, Principal Malone, I'm sorry. I was just trying to help.

OK, I'll go do an announcement to stop the panic.

Don't let me down, Carl!

# Zombie attack, we're being infested

# I, for one, am not interested

# In my brain being eaten by the undead

# I'd rather keep it inside my head! #

I have inconclusive evidence that leads me to hypothesise

that this zombie infestation is a direct result

of yesterday's alien invasion! They might be killing hamsters.

I'm looking for two angels. Have you seen two angels?

They look like students. Who the heck are you?

Malone!

I just want to say... Please don't fire me.

Principal Malone, why are you kneeling?

Oh, please don't fire him.

I'm only 29 years from my retirement!

What is the meaning of this?

Zombie attacks, singing students,

alien invasions...

HE GIBBERS

..crazy teachers?!

Malone...

..you deserve a medal.

-What?

-You've somehow managed to keep this insane place together.

You know, I think I'm going to name you Principal of the Year.

What are you doing on the floor?

He's cleaning a scuff.

You diligent so-and-so.

Get up, man, I'm going to give you a hug.

You're a hero, man. Good, good, good, good.

You're a prince among principals!

High fives.

'Good morning, students.'

And today for lunch, we are having...

..the same thing as yesterday.

And the same thing tomorrow. And the day after that.

MICROPHONE FEEDBACK

Well, sounds like order is restored at Bennett High.

It seems the cook ordered 3,000 orders of lasagne.

So, bueno appetito!

Nobody rides my coat-tails except

the people I pay to ride my...

Oh, he's...

Oh! Ah! Aargh! Ow!

Oh, this team's getting restless.

And really bad shots.

Rachel, you've got to aim more for the...oh!

Mrs Lennox asked me to deliver the eulogy...

SHE LAUGHS

What am I doing?

Please don't fire me!

Oof!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd