Grazlax Attacks - Part One Wizards vs Aliens


Grazlax Attacks - Part One

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Transcript


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-There's no such thing as aliens.

-Welcome to the Zarantulus.

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-We're going to die.

-Not while I'm here.

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-How did you do that?

-It was magic, Benny.

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-What is that?

-"What?"

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"What" will be Randal Moon, guardian of the chamber.

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Go, Dad, go!

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It's wizards versus aliens.

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And I'm ready for them.

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Tom!

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-TEAM:

-Boo!

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What is up with you?

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Nothing.

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Nothing? Moose just took the ball off you and scored. Moose!

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They don't call him that cos he's fast on his feet.

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It's just...stuff.

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Stuff? And is this "stuff"

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why you missed the penalty against Middlebank High on Wednesday?

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I can't score every time.

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Never seen you miss one before.

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You've been hanging out with him a lot lately.

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What's the matter? Your footie mates not clever enough for you?

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Don't be a plank, Quinn.

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Look, it's the Cup Final on Monday.

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You'd better dump your "stuff" by then.

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You not playing?

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How am I supposed to play football with the Nekross up there?

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Aliens. I pinch myself every morning.

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Still expecting it all to turn out as some mad dream.

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Everything's changed, Benny. Everything. I know they're up there.

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I know what they're after.

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You might be an apprentice wizard, and the Nekross

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may like magic, but they're still attacking Earth.

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Why don't we tell the Army?

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One missile into space, and bye-bye, Nekross.

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And if it isn't? Who knows what they'll throw back at Earth?

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We have to keep this secret. We have to sort this out.

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Wizards. That's what we're here for, to protect the Earth.

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This is my fight, Benny.

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Fancy coming round mine Saturday?

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-I need a hand sorting out my new lab.

-Your lab?!

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Yeah. Although I suppose you'd have to meet my parents.

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You didn't say anything to them, did you? About the Nekross and me.

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Course. And all about your Gran's friend the hobgoblin.

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And they believed every word.

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No! Of course I didn't.

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Never knew you were such a wind-up merchant.

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-Never knew you were a wizard.

-OK, then, Saturday. Cool.

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TWO RESONANT KNOCKS

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Chamber of Crowe, open to me.

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Reveal yourself on the knock of three.

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I will never get over this.

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Almost convinced myself this was a dream.

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I mean, my brain is telling me it can't be real.

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But it is.

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It's magic, Benny. It'll blow you away every time.

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Ah! Thomas! Very good! And you brought Benny too!

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Pickling piskies! The chamber will be infested by the unenchanted!

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Oh, Moon, don't be a grumpy goblin! Benny is our friend.

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And Randal Moon, mistress, is a hobgoblin! Hob! Hob! Hob!

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He'll have been in service to the magical line of Crowe 500 years,

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beneath neither daylight nor stars, and still you'll be forgetting!

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Of all the things that take flight from my silly old bird brain,

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you will never be among them, my oldest, sweetest friend.

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Apart from anything, you are so much fun to tease!

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Now - the chest!

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There's something you wanted to tell me, Gran.

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Oh, yes! It's Moon's idea.

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A shrouding spell!

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I'm sorry. I'm new here. What's a shrouding spell?

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He's new here, too.

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A shrouding spell will be an enchantment to hide the magic

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of wizards all around the world from the sky ship.

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Wizards will cast their spells with no fear of the unworld ones

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a-spotting them.

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But are you up to this, Gran?

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Of course not. This is a Spell of Three.

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-Spell of Three?

-Three is a special number in magic.

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Like, you only get three spells.

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And a Spell of Three needs three wizards channelling

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their magic into one spell.

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You'll be the third wizard, Thomas Clarke,

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of the magical line of Crowe.

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For me? My own magical robe?

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The time will be here! Quickly! Quickly!

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Be putting on the robe of magic!

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And what do I do?

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Just stand quietly, dear. Maybe over there, a little way.

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Hear us, we'll be calling on the source

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to protect the children of magic

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from those beyond the star-glittery heavens.

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From the frozen wastes to the wooded lands,

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from the mountains that touch the sky

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to the seas that kiss the shores of the Neverside.

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Protect us and shroud our magic!

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ALL: Raa! Shey! Dah!

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Is that it? Are we safe?

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That's it! At least they won't spot us from space.

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But beware - we'll still be vulnerable

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when the Nekross are on Earth.

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I want more wizards!

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Apologies, Father.

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Since our encounter with the boy wizard and his family,

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word has escaped among the wizard-kind of our presence,

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and appetites.

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I should have drained him and the old crone

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when I had the opportunity.

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Do not vex yourself, my father.

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I have a stratagem to end your woes.

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Really, sister? I cannot wait.

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Tom Clarke's scent,

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distilled from surfaces he touched aboard the Zarantulus.

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Hmm!

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And how does this put magic in my belly?

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What we need is something to track Tom Clarke.

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Something that can't be stopped.

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Something determined that will stalk him, trap him,

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suck the magic from his shattered bones.

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And bring it to you, my father.

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Guards - now!

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Sister! You have taken this from the zone of quarantine.

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-It will serve our purpose.

-This is a stratagem of madness!

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Environmental conditions on Earth are safe for its release.

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Then do it! Set the Grazlax on the boy wizard

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and await his screams.

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LAUGHS DEMONICALLY

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RASPY ROAR

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Hey, Tom!

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Katie! What are you up to?

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Just doing a job for my dad. Delivering leaflets. Boredom.

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Not cool.

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Be cooler with two of us.

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I'd like to, but I can't. I'm sorry.

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No worries.

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Wait, you going to Benny's?

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I said I'd give him a hand. He's building a lab.

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What is it with you two? You've got matey all of a sudden.

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Didn't you know? Geeks are cool now.

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The only way Benny will be cool is sat in a snowdrift.

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Watch he doesn't blow you up.

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You must be Tom! I'm Tricia. It's so lovely to meet you!

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Really, I can't tell you!

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VIOLIN SAWING TUNELESSLY WITHIN

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Hello.

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Benny's nearly done. That's him practicing.

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Bless him.

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He's so excited you've come over, Come in, come in!

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Do you play the violin, Tom?

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No. No.

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From the sound of it, neither does Benny.

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VIOLIN SCRATCHES PAINFULLY

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Tom.

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Sorry to interrupt the maestro. Tom, this is Richard.

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Hi, Tom. Good to meet you.

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Are you a musician, Mr Sherwood?

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No, not really, no. And it's Richard.

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And Tricia. Do you play any instruments, Tom?

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I play a bit of electric guitar.

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I hope that's not too noisy for your family.

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Would you like some lemonade, Tom? It's homemade.

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We don't believe in that chemical bilgewater in the shops.

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not good for the grey matter, eh, Benny?

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Or there's fresh orange juice. Or peppermint tea?

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Benny loves his herbal infusions.

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No, thanks, Mrs...Tricia.

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Mum and Dad both work in IT.

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But apres le travail we do enjoy the transition

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from ASCII to accelerando.

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Come on, the lab's out back.

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Yes, we'll do sandwiches later. Our own bread.

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-Organic. You'll love it, Tom.

-Yeah, laters.

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He seems such a nice boy. And he's Benny's friend.

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At last!

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-So, your folks are...

-Embarrassing.

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-I was going to say "all right".

-"Embarrassing" is more accurate.

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No, they're OK. It's you that drinks the herbal infusions.

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Yeah. Funny.

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GRUMBLING AND GROWLING

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I love them, but they drive me mad.

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Everything is organic and chemical-free

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-so it doesn't mess up my brain.

-I need a glass of e-numbers

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before I can even look at my homework!

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And there's all the books and the music lessons. And the quizzes.

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-The quizzes?

-Yeah. We have quiz nights.

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Quiz nights? Seriously?

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It's all to "stimulate" me.

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What?

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I'm supposed to be gifted.

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-What? Like a genius?

-How many times have I blown stuff up at school?

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Haven't you wondered why they don't kick me out? Think about it.

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Welcome to the shed of dread,

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the scene of hideous experiments that could warp the mind. Such as...

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It's a telly.

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To you it's a telly.

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To Mum and Dad it's like the brain cell equivalent of a black hole.

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-They don't let you watch TV?

-Come on, they're not the Nekross.

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They let me watch TV. As long as it's educational.

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So they don't know you've got this,

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and this whole lab thing is really a cover-up

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so you can come and watch Total Wipeout?

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You really are a genius.

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GROWLING, FOLLOWED BY FELINE WAILS OF ANGUISH

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Did you hear something?

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CAT YOWLS

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Next door's cat.

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Mum gets fed up with it messing up her flower beds.

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Are you monitoring the Grazlax?

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Yes. Readings suggest it has found the boy wizard's scent.

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His screams will be loud. And short.

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So your parents - are they rich? I mean, that's a big house.

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Dad's got his own company. He's a software genius.

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Guess that's where I get it from.

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You know, I can be a genius too,

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and put this whole place together with the click of my fingers.

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There's a match on later.

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This is my lab - it's a magic-free zone.

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Not using magic is a real bore. A-shup-ta!

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SNAPPING AND GROWLING

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Nekross or no Nekross, you just can't help showing off, can you?

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Sorry. It was just instinct.

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If the Nekross show up now and you're one spell down,

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don't say I didn't tell you.

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-CLATTERING

-What was that?

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It's just that cat from next door. Stop freaking me out.

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I'm not freaking you out. That is.

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THUMPING

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For a scientist, you can be pretty irrational.

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Must be something to do with having a wizard for a mate.

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It's just a cat on the roof. Scratching is what cats do.

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Doesn't look like any cat to me.

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-What the...?

-Leg it!

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-Tom!

-Get it off, get it off!

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-Don't panic!

-It's got my leg!

-I'm on it!

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I've got it!

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It's strong!

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-What are you doing?! Get rid of it!

-I'm trying to!

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Whatever are they playing at down there?

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Hockey. I think.

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You don't think Benny's friend might be a bit too sporty for him?

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Sport is good for a boy.

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Reminds him how much more comfortable he is in the classroom.

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Pass the piccalilli for me, will you?

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What is that?! One of yours or one of theirs?

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Goblin or alien?

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I can feel magic in anything from the Neverside. That's alien.

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The Nekross have sent it. They must have.

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Boys! Lunch is ready!

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Hurry up!

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Boys.

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Yes, Dad. Coming!

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What are we going to do?

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Come on! Sandwiches are curling!

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I can't think on an empty stomach!

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BANGING AND CLATTERING

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So, Tom, your father is a veterinarian?

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He must be a very smart man.

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Um...never really thought about it.

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What about you? When you leave school, what do you want to do?

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And please don't say you want to be a footballer.

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So many young people these days want to be footballers or actors

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or pop stars. It's as if they've forgotten they have brains.

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I, um...I'm not sure.

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Not sure?

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Tom wants to save the world.

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Ah! An environmentalist! Tom, that's brilliant. Brilliant!

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Yes. We like to do our bit, don't we, darling?

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We have a sustainable multi-fuel boiler in the basement, you know.

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Oh!

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Is everything all right?

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I mean, cool. I mean, great!

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Yeah. It's really...bangin'.

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Plus limonade?

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-Please.

-No!

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Tom?

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I mean, let me.

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Oh, thank you, Tom.

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-You know, we took Benny to look around Oxford last summer.

-Really?

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-Trinity.

-Richard went to Trinity College.

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We'd love for Benny to go there too.

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And we took some photographs. You must see them, Tom.

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Tom doesn't want to see those.

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Yes, I do!

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I bet they're really...distracting.

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Excellent. I'll get them out.

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You should go and help him, Mum. You know what Dad's like.

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He's a mathematical genius,

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but he couldn't match up a pair of socks to save his life!

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-It's going to get out!

-We've got to get rid of your mum and dad.

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-We can't let them see what's down there.

-How?

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Have you got a gran?

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Or someone on the other side of the city that they worry about?

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I've got a great uncle Clarence.

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Why? No. You're not casting spells over my mum and dad.

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Then you give me a better idea.

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Do it!

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Meesch-enfar-dah!

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We've had a call. Your great uncle Clarence has flooded the house.

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-I never even heard the phone.

-You know what he's like.

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You boys can look after yourselves, can't you?

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Don't eat too much piccalilli. You know what it does to your insides!

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Bye, baby boy!

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When they come back

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maybe you can use your last spell of the day to make them cooler?

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-It's out!

-Mum and Dad!

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Don't worry, sweetheart, I'm sure he'll be all right.

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-Look after him, Tom?

-Yeah. Sure.

-Be good, boys.

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At least they're safe.

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It's in the house!

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It's gone upstairs.

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Boy, you really are a genius.

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-Where are you going?

-OK, maybe not such a genius.

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-We need a plan.

-Find it. Deal with it.

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-Football's on the telly at three.

-That's what wizards call a plan?

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Who needs a plan when you've got magic?

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Maybe it's hiding - could be more scared of us than we are of it?

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It didn't look all that scared to me.

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Typical defensive reflex. A dog doesn't bite you because it's mean.

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-It's because it's scared.

-Look, if you want to put it on a couch

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and ask it questions about growing up as an ankle-snapper, fine.

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But first we're going to fix it so it can't bite our arms off.

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CLATTERING

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That was my room.

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Quietly.

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Be careful.

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Watch out!

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Nice one!

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Quick! Under here!

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Not good!

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What now?!

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IT SCREAMS

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Maifash-andwy dah!

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-Gotcha!

-Gotcha?! That thing bit through my tennis racket,

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wrecked my bed! How long will a wicker basket hold it?

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Long enough to call my dad so we can work out what to do!

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He's a vet, not an exterminator!

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I don't believe it! I've got no credit.

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It's getting out! What are you doing?!

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-It's getting out!

-That's a Sugoi Kinzoku Robot!

0:23:010:23:04

-A what?

-It's rare!

-You really are a geek!

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It's no good! It's getting out!

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Run for it!

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-Think that'll keep it out?

-Who knows?

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THUMPING ON DOOR

0:23:250:23:27

FOOTSTEPS PATTER AWAY

0:23:280:23:31

-I think it's gone.

-A thing like that?

0:23:350:23:38

I don't think it just goes.

0:23:380:23:40

I've used up all my spells and it's got us trapped.

0:23:440:23:47

We need help.

0:23:470:23:49

GROWLING AND SNARLING

0:23:520:23:56

-Well?

-It's cut the phone off.

0:23:560:24:00

Whatever that thing is, it's smart. We are in big trouble.

0:24:000:24:03

Mum and Dad won't be at Uncle Clarence's forever,

0:24:030:24:06

not when they find out nothing's wrong. What are we going to do?

0:24:060:24:09

THUMPING FROM THE WALLS

0:24:090:24:11

What was that?

0:24:110:24:13

Whatever it is, it's not good.

0:24:130:24:15

CREAKING AND CRUMBLING

0:24:150:24:19

What's it doing?

0:24:230:24:25

It's in the wall!

0:24:250:24:27

-What? How can it be in the wall?

-Listen to it!

0:24:270:24:31

-It's not in the wall.

-It's in the chimney!

0:24:330:24:36

The chimneys must be connected!

0:24:360:24:39

IT SCREAMS

0:24:440:24:46

Do something!

0:24:460:24:48

-What do we do now?

-I don't know!

0:24:530:24:56

-Come on, then, Nibbles. You want some of this?

-It's just a hairdryer.

0:25:040:25:07

Well, maybe it doesn't know that.

0:25:070:25:10

HAIRDRYER WHIRRS INTO LIFE

0:25:100:25:11

Yes! You don't like that, do you, Nibbles?

0:25:110:25:14

SIREN SOUNDS

0:25:140:25:16

What is happening?

0:25:160:25:17

The body temperature of the Grazlax is increasing. Rapidly.

0:25:170:25:21

What?! I don't understand!

0:25:210:25:23

Nor do I. But I'm reading major metabolic irregularities!

0:25:230:25:27

How's that for a blow-dry?

0:25:270:25:30

Well, let's really turn up the heat.

0:25:300:25:33

The body temperature is intensifying.

0:25:350:25:37

Vital signs are turning critical. I've seen nothing like this before.

0:25:380:25:43

It's backing off.

0:25:430:25:45

It's like the hot air is drying it out.

0:25:470:25:49

Not such a chompy chappy now, are you?

0:25:500:25:52

That should hold him for a while.

0:26:030:26:05

I am reading intense molecular instability.

0:26:070:26:10

Massive biological reactions.

0:26:100:26:12

What is happening to the Grazlax?

0:26:120:26:15

So now we have to work out what we're going to do with it.

0:26:150:26:19

-WAILING AND SQUELCHING

-What is that?

0:26:190:26:22

I don't even want to guess.

0:26:220:26:24

SILENCE

0:26:270:26:29

-Well?

-You've got the enquiring mind.

0:26:290:26:32

-Maybe some things you just don't want to know.

-It's your bathroom.

0:26:370:26:41

-I can't hear anything.

-Come out of the way.

0:26:490:26:52

Do it.

0:26:540:26:55

-I think it died.

-It's like it exploded.

0:27:100:27:14

Or something exploded out of him.

0:27:150:27:18

WHIMPERING AND SNARLING

0:27:270:27:30

It didn't explode. It had kids!

0:27:340:27:37

We must take action immediately.

0:27:470:27:49

The Zarantulus can exterminate the threat

0:27:490:27:51

-with a blast from the ion pulse cannon.

-Destroy the habitation?

0:27:510:27:55

Do it! Put the Zarantulus into full battle mode!

0:27:550:27:59

They're obviously intelligent. Maybe we can reason with it.

0:28:040:28:07

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