Intruder Proof World's End

He can't be. He died.

You told us our dad died.

Luke, she lied to us.

Why would you lie about something as huge as that?

He took the words right out of my mouth.

Why did you lie? Why are we here? Why were you arrested?

-Noah, please. Not here.

-Fine.

-Noah!

-Where do you think you're going?

Look, I kept my part of the deal, all right?

So unless you want some trouble, I suggest you get out of my way.

She's right, Lena. Let her go.

-Luke.

-Just be straight with us!

My marriage to Duncan, that's his name. It wasn't...

Well, it wasn't good.

And, so, selfishly, I didn't want either of you two to try

to find him when you were older. I thought that if you didn't think

he was around any more, you wouldn't have any reason to look for him.

And, look, I did work here, OK? That's not a lie.

And I was arrested because I...

I left without permission, which is a military offence.

-What was the deal?

-What deal?

You said, "I kept my side of the deal."

Well, yeah, like I said. I left without permission.

The deal was I come back and serve out the rest of my contract

and there would be no consequences.

Look, I had no choice but to come back here,

I wasn't going to leave you at home.

So, why did you leave here in the first place?

Things weren't working out, you know?

Military life isn't for everybody.

I don't believe you.

Noah, please, sweetheart.

Everything I've ever done has been to protect you.

RADIO: Thank you for hanging around today.

I've got dome driving music coming up, some of which has been

chosen by you.

We'll have a weather update and traffic news, so stay tuned to WE94.

Where's my phone?

Ah!

OK. OK.

There's got to be a logical, stroke, boring explanation.

And right now, I'm a major fan of boring.

-Such as?

-I dunno, it's, it's...

It's Gaia's mum and she's just trying to say, "I love you?"

-But really loudly,

-It can't be. My mum was totally claustrophobic.

There's no way she'd be living inside the walls.

STRANGE NOISE

-What did you do?

-I didn't do anything!

Er, yeah, you did.

"Look at my crystals, let's all meditate, I've got the gift..."

and then it's all,

"Knock, knock, knock, who dares wake me from my peaceful slumber?"

I didn't wake it from its peaceful slumber.

In case you've forgotten, it was already awake

-and hanging out at the twins' place.

-Right, well, yeah.

Now it's hanging out at our place, so, send it back.

I can't. I don't know how!

OK, brain. Engage.

If this was a movie, how would they get rid of the ghost?

Slim, you're a genius.

Why, thank you, AJ, thank you, Gaia.

Get your ghost goggles on. It's time for a horror-thon.

I wish I could just build a time machine.

You think she ever would have told us?

You know, had he not been here...

How could she have lied to us for all those years?

I think the question is, why did she lie?

We have a dad, Noah. A living, breathing dad.

Yeah, biologically. Takes more than that to be a dad.

This is stupid.

No. Stupid is getting my phone broken, losing all our photos...

AKA soul-stealing evidence.

And me winding up...

with this!

I know! It's my mum's just in case phone.

It's like something a caveman would use.

-Cavemen didn't have mobile phones.

-You don't know that.

Maybe they all had phones like this and were so embarrassed, they had to

-keep them hidden in their dreadlocks.

-Anyway. So, like we said...

Course we can't see what the weirdos in the castle

look like from their photos...

You have to describe them to us and we have to draw them.

Simples. So, carry on.

Fine. Gaia. She's kind of sweet, funny,

sort of, er, floaty...

She sounds horrible.

And totally soulless.

You better watch it, Skink, she might suck your soul out

just by drawing her.

Right, who's left?

PHONE RINGS

No. No, Magnus, Lars is fine. That's not why I'm calling.

It's all checking out.

We need you and Astrid to get on to it at your end.

Can I come in?

-Hi.

-Hi.

-Luke.

-Luke. I just wanted to apologise for the way

the truth came out earlier.

Now everything's out in the open, we should get to know each other.

So, how about dinner at mine?

-I don't think that's a very good idea.

-Why not?

-Because, I...

-We'll come.

Great, yeah. I'll see you both at, what? About seven?

-Great.

-Great.

So what about sport? You good at sport?

Mm, I'm OK. Noah's the more...

Ah, you're must be like me, then. I was never very sporty.

I was always more of a reader.

Yeah, well, Noah's like, star player

and a human Encyclopaedia.

Tell him.

Why didn't you try to find us?

Well, it's erm, not always easy to find someone who doesn't want

to be found.

Back in a sec.

What do you do that for?

What? Cut through the, "Let's pretend everything's perfect," garbage?

What are you doing?

Getting to know our dad.

How about you take this.

Seriously?

Well, you come and go at your mum's, don't you?

Seems only right you should do the same here.

Mi Castle es tu castle, whatever that means.

-I even have bad Spanish.

-That's OK.

WOLF HOWLS

ALL: AH!

-THUMPING NOISE

-ALL: AH!

-CRASHING SOUND

-ALL: AH!

I can't take it any more.

OK, in 16 films, they hired someone to get rid of the ghost.

12, the lead girl did it.

Nine, no-one got rid of the ghost and the ghost won. So...

We can't hire someone. None of us is a lead girl...

Uh, hello?

No offence, Gaia,

but you're kind of like the lead girl's friend's friend.

And she's usually done for in the first 20 minutes.

So what does that mean? The ghost wins?

STRANGE NOISE

There was that one, where they wrote a poem about knowing

the ghost's name and after that it went away.

That's it then, it's time to get our rhyme on!

How was it?

I think we've got his eyes. And maybe his ears?

I've got my own eyes and ears. And, unlike you, my own mind.

-What's your problem?

-Boys, please.

My problem is this total stranger turns up and you're all,

"Yeah, I'm exactly like you," and he's given you a key. A key!

-Boys.

-He gave us a key.

No, he gave it to you and you took it. We don't even know him!

Yeah, and carry on like you did tonight?

We won't get to know him, because he won't want to get to know us!

Luke! Noah! Do not let Duncan come between you.

Why not? He might not want a dad, but I do.

And I am not going to let you ruin that for me.

Guess we're both busted.

So, how come you're leaving?

Well, turns out my mum's a liar, my brother's a little suck up,

and my freak of a dad's very much alive.

-OK, that's intense.

-Yeah.

-You?

-I don't belong here.

Give me a leg up.

No. You'll be cut to shreds.

OK, so where's a ghost when you want one?

What are you doing?

Calling it, so that when it comes back,

we can send it away again, for good!

STRANGE NOISE

Quick!

Go away from whence you came, we don't like your spooky game.

If we call you by your name, you cannot come back again.

Ghost, go away!

Pooyah! Result! Who's scared now, Ghosty?

LAUGHTER

It's not that funny.

-That wasn't me.

-Nor me.

LAUGHTER

I think we just summoned another one.

I'll say one thing for this place, it's definitely intruder proof.

Noah. I've got a really horrible feeling.

What?

All this security.

It it's not to keep people out, it's to keep us in.

ALARM SOUNDS