Episode 10 Worst Year of My Life... Again

# I'm amazed at the things that you say

# I'd heard it all before

# Just another day

# January, February all the same

# March, April, May's coming back again

# Oh, why?

# Cos it's the worst year of my life again

# It's looped around and pulled me back in

# Now yesterday has come again

# Oh, no

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

# Worst year of my life again. #

ALARM BUZZES

-You ready?

-Yes.

Huh? Huh? Am I going to rock this Halloween party or what?

Clowns aren't scary.

I thought you were going as a vampire.

Well, I couldn't get the make-up to work.

You mean you were too scared of the blood.

I am not scared of blood.

You are when it's your own.

I heard you called an ambulance once cos you got a splinter.

No, I didn't. Anyway, clowns are scary.

Scarier than wearing a dress.

It's not a dress.

I'm death, and death does not wear a dress.

No, but your Auntie Ethel does and that's who you look like.

Yeah, yeah, very funny.

Have a look at this.

Every time Nicola throws a party, she sticks the photos on her blog.

Look at it.

It's like a Who's Hot list of everyone at school.

Not seeing you in any.

I'm in this one here.

That's me.

What are you doing on the floor?

Trying to get her stupid dog off me.

I was dressed as a sausage.

But they're not in fancy dress.

No. It wasn't a fancy dress party. Apparently.

Smooth. Really smooth, Alex.

But this party is.

And in this costume I'm guaranteed to get photographed.

Everything will change then, Si, you'll see.

Getting on Nicola's blog is like an instant pass to A List cool-dom.

-Look at Stinky Stew.

-Who?

You know, his mum's an aromatherapist.

-He always smells like lavender and patchouli.

-Oh, him.

Exactly.

They don't call him Stinky Stew any more.

Not since he got photographed break-dancing

at Nicola's Christmas party.

Now they call him Stewart The Moves Radcliffe.

He still stinks, though.

Well, maybe he does, but thanks to Nicola's blog,

he's stinking in all the coolest parties in town.

And pretty soon, Si, that'll be us.

Apart from the stink, obviously.

Well, obviously.

Anyway, I thought you didn't care about being cool.

Well, you know, not that you ever had much choice, but...

I don't. But it's my in with Nicola, isn't it?

After Stew got his photo in that blog

he ended up going out with Loren for a bit.

HE ended up dumping HER.

So you think getting snapped will make Nicola want to date you?

It might.

-What are you doing?

-Oh!

I can't move!

Oh, pre-night jitters, that's all. Nothing to worry about.

Once you start getting invited to as many parties as me,

you'll learn that.

Seriously, I'm stuck.

Don't, you'll rip it.

Well, give us the key, then.

I don't have my keys cos I don't have any pockets.

My parents will be home when I get back.

You're not wearing any trousers?

No.

It's really hot in the cloak.

Why do you think I left my bedroom window open?

I need you to climb up there.

Ahh. I don't think so.

No, no way. I am not climbing up there.

And it's not that I'm scared of heights or anything,

if that's what you think,

because it's definitely not that.

It's, um, my shoes.

Clown shoes aren't safe for climbing in.

They aren't clown shoes. They're just normal trainers.

Oh, OK, Alex. And your scythe isn't real. It's plastic.

But I don't go around breaking your illusion, do I?

Fine, I'll do it myself.

Well, close your eyes, then!

Happy Halloween!

Why are you covering your eyes?

Because Alex doesn't want me to see him.

Oh, is he going as an invisible man? That's clever.

Although if he gets everyone to cover their eyes

it does seem like he's cheating a bit.

WOOD CREAKS

Ah!

Ohh...

Alex, are you all right?

The Invisible Man is a lot quieter than that, Alex.

Nice undies!

You didn't have to go through the window, Alex.

You knew my mum had a spare key. Did you forget?

No, no, I remembered. I just like climbing half naked over roofs.

And what are you wearing? It's meant to be a costume party.

I am in costume. I'm the screaming schoolgirl.

You must have heard of the urban legend?

She died years ago and still haunts the school corridors

to this very day.

You're just wearing the school uniform.

Of course I am. That's what she would have been wearing.

The uniform hasn't changed much over the years.

Then how are people supposed to know you're the screaming schoolgirl?

Because I'm carrying this!

It's really, really old.

It kind of puts your dress to shame.

It's not a dress!

CAT MEOWS

That's meant to be bad luck, isn't it?

Maybe we should go the other way.

You don't actually believe in that black cat stuff.

What do you think is going to happen?

No, Alex is right.

You can't take this stuff for granted.

When I was little my grandad squashed a ladybird

and look what happened to him.

Fine, I'll bite. What happened?

Later that day when he got home, none of his shoes fit any more.

That is hardly the ladybird's fault.

Wasn't it, Simon?

Wasn't it?

You're right, it's stupid. Let's go.

Trick or Treat!

Don't you have any treats?

-It's Halloween.

-I haven't got any pockets.

We've been through this already.

Sorry.

Guess you'll have to get a trick, then.

No offence, guys, but I'm not really going to get intimidated

by a couple of seven-year-olds dressed as mummies.

Would you be intimidated by a dozen seven-year-olds dressed as mummies?

-Uh-oh.

-Get him!

-Leave him alone!

-Show them your ruler.

GIRLS SCREAM

Oh!

No fair.

Let's trick him instead!

What have I done?

This would have never happened if you'd stayed the Invisible Man.

Ugh!

See? It's the ladybird incident all over again.

No, it's not.

I still don't know why you insisted we bring him here. He's fine.

You're fine, aren't you, Alex?

Yes, Mum. Are we at Nicola's photo yet?

I want to get my party taken.

See, he's fine.

-No, let me!

-I want to press the button!

BUZZER

Well, I'd better head to the party,

show off my costume, bust some moves, get on the blog.

And leave Alex?

It's what he would have wanted.

He would never leave you, Simon Birch!

He wouldn't have to.

I'm not daft enough to end up in hospital in the first place.

Oh, no, not you again.

Don't tell me, another splinter?

That wasn't me. That wasn't me!

Um, it's my friend.

He's...

um...gone.

Ahh! Ahh!

It's death!

THEY SCREAM AND SHOUT

He's about this tall and he's really muscular and he's quite slim.

And, um...

He's wearing a dress.

Oh, that's him.

It wasn't a splinter, it was a cut. It was a massive cut.

My finger was practically hanging off.

Yes, I remember. You were very brave.

I was very brave.

That's why the doctor gave you a lollipop.

What happened? The party? Did I get my photo taken?

POLICE SIREN WAILS

'407, are you still at the hospital?

'Reports of a young kid terrorising the geriatric ward.'

'About 14 years old, male, wearing a dress.'

-Yeah, got him.

-It's not a dress.

I hate Halloween.

First we have to arrest a werewolf

for thieving a garden gnome, now this.

You'd better come with us.

Come on, mate.

What are you looking at, clown?

ALARM BUZZES

You ready?

Yep.

Huh? Huh?

Yeah, yeah, very good.

-You didn't even look.

-Saw it last time.

Clowns aren't scary.

Scarier than some injured bloke in bandages.

I'm a Mummy.

Oh, congratulations. Who's the Daddy?

Very funny.

But I'll have you know that this costume is guaranteed

to get me on Nicola's wall of cool, because if there's

one thing that last time taught me, it's that mummies are scary.

Really scary.

So, last time round you didn't get to go to the party at all?

No, I told you. I ended up in hospital.

-You took me.

-Ah, course I did. Always got your back.

Did you see Nurse Shadwell? She's really good.

Is she the one that removed your splinter?

It wasn't a splinter. It was this massive, great cut.

My finger was practically hanging off.

It's one of the worst sports injuries I ever endured.

Sports injuries?

You got a splinter off a crate that that Norris was making you carry.

And what was in the said crate? Sports equipment.

I rest my case.

And it wasn't a splinter.

Could have lost my whole arm. That's what the nurse said.

Yeah, yeah, you're very brave. I hope you got a lollipop.

I did, actually.

There. So far, so good.

We've only come out the house. It's not exactly difficult.

You'd be surprised.

Nothing surprises me these days...eh!

What are you doing?

I told you to wear something scary this time.

I have. I'm Doctor Chadwick, our dentist.

Everyone's scared of dentists, Alex.

But Doctor Chadwick wears a big white dentist's coat and stuff.

Yeah, but he wouldn't wear it if he was going to a party.

And anyway, you're not getting the full effect,

because I'm also carrying this!

Brush your teeth!

Hey!

Nice costume.

ALL: Thanks!

Hang on.

We're not going that way. We'll head down Nelson.

That's two blocks extra. Why would we do that?

CAT MEOWS

-That's why.

-Ah, a black cat.

Seriously? Don't tell me you really believe that stuff, do you?

What exactly do you think is going to happen?

What happened?

A miniature army of swaddle-wrapped mummies chased me into a tree.

That's hardly the cat's fault though, is it?

Isn't it, Simon?

Isn't it? Look what happened to Maddy's grandad with the ladybird.

He had to buy a whole new set of shoes.

Exactly. Let's go.

What?

I don't know why you'd want to be on this silly blog anyway.

Most of the photos are just of Nicola.

I know.

Except for this one. Is that your leg?

Never mind that, we're here.

Yeah, we are.

But thanks to you dragging us round the long way,

we're late. The party's already started.

So? Arriving late is cool. Means you get to make an entrance.

Once you've been to as many parties as I have, you'll learn that.

What parties have you been to?

Once my photo's up on nicola.com, plenty.

I seriously think you're overestimating

how scary people think mummies are! Ah!

Clowns! They freak me out.

And what have you come as? Me?

Uh... No.

Great minds think alike, is all.

Your costume's much better.

I really like the toilet paper-y touch.

-Anyway, if we could just...

-I don't think so.

I say who comes in and who doesn't.

I'm on door duty.

Nicola put you on door duty?

No, I just am. And you're not getting in.

Why not?

Cos I don't like you.

So take your freaky red nose friend here, and nick off.

Cos if I see either of you again, you're toast.

Forget it, mate. I don't really want to go back in now.

Not because I'm scared of Parker,

if that's what you're thinking, because that's definitely not it.

It's just I don't want to see my best mate get beaten up.

Only cos you go stupid at the sight of blood.

I do not!

Well, not other people's anyway.

You're still not thinking of going, Alex? You heard what Parker said.

So? I just have to make sure that he doesn't see me.

Of course! You could go as the Invisible Man.

Good thinking, Alex.

Only how are you going to get him to cover his eyes?

I'm not.

This time I am getting into the party,

I will get my photo on Nicola's blog,

and no giant mummy's going to stop me.

You know, I'm really not too sure about this, now.

I mean, this wall is really high,

and it's not that I'm scared of heights... OK!

All right, give me a pull up. Simon!

No... It's high!

Hey Alex, you know how you said that a giant Mummy

wasn't going to stop you getting to the party?

Yeah.

How would you feel about a dozen tiny mummies?

Oh, this is not my night.

Trick or Treat!

Move!

Ah! Ow... That's my spleen.

Treats are very bad for your teeth.

No fair.

Don't forget to floss!

Guess what? The gate was open.

Stop being a baby. He says he cut his finger in the fall.

I did cut it. I probably have tetanus.

It's not even bleeding.

It is. I can feel it.

There's nothing there. A tiny little splinter, that's all.

-Where?

-Oh, Maddy!

-Ugh!

-Oops.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

Come on, Parker's out of the way.

Let's see if you'll be any better inside.

I'm actually getting worse.

I think I'm having smell hallucinations.

No, you're not.

It's just Stew The Moves Radcliffe.

Maybe we ought to take Simon home.

No way! He's fine.

-You're fine, aren't you?

-Yeah, Simon.

-See?

-Well, he should at least lie down for a little bit.

Good idea. I'm just going...

Alex, he would never leave you.

All right, all right!

But let's be quick.

You lie down for five minutes.

Oh, I need an ambulance.

OK, he's good. Can we go and get photographed?

Alex King! Is getting your face on Nicola's silly blog

with all those boring, cool, pretty people really that important to you?

Yeah, it is.

Maddy, it's about beating the universe and making things better.

If I can get my photo on that blog it could fix everything.

I could be...

I could be like Stew The Moves Radcliffe.

Minus the stink, obviously.

-Obviously.

-Obviously.

Perfect!

How are my bandages?

Then they chased me halfway across the town,

but I gave them the slip.

Takes more than a couple of mummies to get the better of this teddy!

Parker!

Ow!

Hey!

Are you Dr Chadwick?

Yes. Are you the screaming schoolboy?

I am!

-'What service, please?'

-Ambulance.

-'Your location?'

-13 Norwood Road.

Please, hurry. I am losing a lot of blood.

-Simon.

-Ohh.

Get up. We've got to get out of here.

Parker's going to destroy us.

Which will really make getting on that blog hard.

Can't move.

I'm too weak.

Oh, for...

Lift, lift!

Right, King, I know you're up here.

King! Come out, come out wherever you are!

Right. We need to find King and give him a beating.

All right. What's he dressed as?

A mummy.

But you're a mummy.

How am I supposed to tell the difference?

He's a lot shorter.

And he's skinnier.

And he's...

Not wearing toilet paper.

He's not in there. Go away.

He's not in...

Grraa!

Ahh!

Parker!

What's happening? Did we go to the party?

Did I get my photo taken?

It was the dead of the night.

Inside her house, the little girl was sleeping soundly.

She had no idea that the horrible, scary monster

was climbing through her bedroom window,

hungry for little girl brains.

Ahh! It's the brain eater!

THEY SCREAM

Oh, you have got to be...

HE SIGHS DEEPLY

I can't believe he just left me.

I would never do that to him.

SIREN WAILS

-Somebody call for an ambulance?

-Me. Me, I did. I'm bleeding really badly.

I hate Halloween. First someone's attacked by an army of mummies

and now it's a clown with a splinter.

All right, come on, mate.

He wanted to eat my brains, Nicola!

Will you be quiet!

I told you to stay in your room.

Why is there an ambulance here?

The monster!

There is no such thing as...

CAT MEOWS

Oh, not you again!

Go away, leave me alone. Shoo! Shoo!

Blimey!

Thank you.

Oh, come on!

CRASH

Photo op?

THEY LAUGH