Episode 6 Worst Year of My Life... Again

# I'm amazed at the things that you say

# I'd heard it all before

# Just another day

# January, February all the same

# March, April, May's coming back again

# Oh, why?

# Cos it's the worst year of my life again

# It's looped around and pulled me back in

# Now yesterday has come again

# Oh, no

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

# The worst year of my life again. #

What's happened to the alarms?

Son, wake up! We're late!

Wake up!

Alex, the power's off.

-None of the alarms have gone off.

-Hm?

You're going to be late for school!

Norris! Oh, no!

Nice of you to join us, King.

I can't wait to hear an excuse for being late this time.

Late?

Um, I'm not late. I've been here the whole time.

Really? Well, perhaps you'd like to repeat the announcement

I made at the start of class, then?

Um, we're going to have a maths test?

No. I said the art teacher's off sick,

so you'll be back with me this afternoon.

But a maths test, you say? Hmm, not a bad idea.

I think we'll have one straight after lunch.

And, as an added bonus, anyone who gets under 50%

can join me in holiday classes.

Very good idea.

Thank you, Mr King.

"A maths test, sir?" Idiot!

Shut up. This is your fault.

What is this supposed to be?

-It's painting. It's obviously painting.

-Sh!

That's not painting. This is painting.

-That's conducting.

-That's not conducting!

Sh!

It's only a practice test.

Supposing we nick the answer sheets. Norris keeps them in his cupboard.

No cheating, OK?

Don't you think we're in enough trouble already?

I cheat all the time and never get caught.

You cheat? How?

Whenever I'm taught something in class, I secretly remember it.

OK, no cheating.

All we have to do is learn a term's worth of maths in one lunch hour.

-What's a trapezium?

-It's a Russian acrobat.

And why would a Russian acrobat be in my maths book?

Will you be quiet?! I won't tell you again.

Who are we kidding?

Maths in an hour? It's not possible.

"Master Maths In An Hour."

Give me it!

I saw it first!

Well, actually Maddy saw it first and she's closer to me.

And Maddy's my best friend, so that's why...

Right, that is it! The three of you, out.

Now!

Can I borrow this?

Oh, nice going. Well done!

Now what are we going to do?

Now, we fail the maths test and spend the entire holidays with Norris.

Oh, now I feel sick.

You do look sort of pale, and pasty, and clammy, and dry and...

He always looks like that.

Do you think we should take him to the sick bay?

Might as well. Half the class want to beat him up.

He'll probably eventually end up there anyway.

-I could get a sick note.

-Get sent home.

I do have a little mm-hmm in my throat.

Yes, I've got a bit of a hrmmm myself.

We can't both be sick. That looks too sus.

One could get away with it.

Two? No chance.

Ah!

You broke my wombat!

King. Loser.

Enjoy the maths test.

We're off home. Sick notes.

Yeah, joy. Sick notes.

But...we were going to do that!

Tough luck, King.

If I wasn't so injured I'd give you a punch for getting us

-the test in the first place.

-I'll do it.

Howe, no!

What?

Ahh. Ow.

You really are going to beat us up after school, aren't you?

No, King, we're not.

We're going to beat you up now.

First you get us a test.

Then you lose us our sick notes.

You two are toast.

Well, technically, both of those things were Alex, so...

-Shut up!

-I'm just saying.

I'm not spending my school holidays stuck with Norris.

Yeah, me neither.

Mum was meant to be taking me to that petting zoo.

They've got a pony.

So...what are you going to do about it, King?

Well, there's nothing I can do.

We could always nick the answer sheet.

No way.

OK, the coast is clear. You go get the answer sheets. I'll be lookout.

I don't think so.

You go get the answer sheets and I'll be lookout.

-Why should I have to do it? This was your idea.

-Exactly.

I'm the brains of the operation. You're the, er, the feet.

I don't think you should be doing this, Alex.

We're not really ill, Maddy.

Then why is Simon shaking?

I'm not. But sick or not, we'll both be needing an ambulance

-if one of us doesn't go get those papers.

-All right! Fine.

-Rock, paper, scissors.

-OK.

What is that?

That is dynamite. Beats paper.

Actually, it pretty much beats everything. It's dynamite.

He's right, Alex. Dynamite would definitely beat paper.

All right, fine. I'll do it.

But you keep watch. Both of you.

There, see?

No, I think Alex is right. That's not painting.

Painting would be more like this.

No. No, that's ridiculous.

It looks like you're shaving a cat. OK, look...

This is painting, see?

Can you see the difference?

And what would shaving a cat be?

I don't know. Something like...

Meow, meow! Wa-push!

Vrrrrr!

Rraa! Rraa!

Zhhh!

Should I even ask?

Or will the answer be as stupid as I suspect?

Um, we...

We were...um...

I thought as much.

BELL RINGS

Isn't it going to be hard for Alex to get those papers out

while Mr Norris is in there?

Do you think?

Come on.

Right, shut up.

I've got a lovely big pile of test papers for you in my cupboard.

-Where...is...he?!

-I don't know.

The sooner you all sit down, the sooner I can fetch them for you.

Oh, sir, I don't have a pen.

Oh, I've got some spares in the cupboard.

Or a ruler.

In the cupboard.

Or a...

..football.

Will you be needing a football for this test, Kent?

Um, I don't know, sir. I haven't seen it yet.

No. Sit down.

I haven't got a football, either.

Right... Birch...

Parker... Howe.

Kent...

Davey...

HE GRUNTS

Carlisle...

RATTLING FROM CEILING

And Watson.

Ugh...

OK, get to work!

HE GRUNTS

LOUD BANG

THEY MURMUR

Right, shut up!

Somebody in this room better have a good explanation

for what THIS was doing out there.

Hmm?

Nobody?

Because if I don't find out who...

What about you, King?

Any idea?

-No, sir.

-No?

Are you sure?

Well, King?

I've been here the whole time.

Alex! Power's off! None of the alarms have gone off.

Huh?

Power cut!

Morning!

Right, so there definitely won't be a test this time?

Nope, I'm not late.

Which means I won't get caught by Norris sneaking into class,

which means we won't have the conversation

that gives him the idea in the first place.

-So, we won't need this, then?

-Where'd you get the answer sheet?

I nicked it out of his cupboard yesterday.

Well, you know, you've gone on and on about holiday classes

and how awful they've been.

Figured I'd do a pre-emptive strike.

The universe isn't going to like this, is it?

Probably not.

You're putting it back? Why, what's the point?

What if there's a test next week, instead?

Simon, you know how this loop year stuff works by now.

-You can't tempt fate.

-He's right.

So, just keep watch... Properly this time.

And don't mime shaving a cat.

Why would I do that?

I have no idea.

But that was your excuse for blowing it last time.

Stay alert and if Norris comes,

make a noise or something.

What sort of noise does he expect us to make?

We could do a siren beetle?

How do they go?

Sort of...woop-woop! Click-click!

Brilliant. What's a cat got to do with anything?

Well, it had something to do with shaving a cat.

I know I'm not supposed to name names,

but I definitely think this is...

I'm just saying that if I was going to mime shaving a cat,

I'd probably do it better than you.

Where's Alex? He should be out by now.

Woop-woop! Click-click!

Well?

I, um...

I was looking for some mock test papers.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Yeah, I really enjoyed maths this term,

-so I thought I might do some extra study.

-You don't say.

-BELL RINGS

-Go and sit down, King.

-Sorry.

-Thank you.

Right... Shut up!

The art teacher is off sick today.

Is it contagious?

I highly doubt it, Kent.

But it does mean you're all back with me this afternoon.

And as King here has just pointed out,

I have a lovely big pile of test papers in my cupboard over there.

So...a maths test straight after lunch.

And as an added bonus,

anyone who gets under 50% can join me in holiday classes.

Very good idea.

Thank you, Mr King.

Bet you're glad I stole the answer sheet now, huh?

At least we won't fail the test.

But we wouldn't have had a test if you hadn't nicked it.

It's a thingy, isn't it? What do you call it, Maddy?

-A paradox.

-A paradox. You've created a paradox, Simon.

Have I? Cool.

You're not going to cheat, Alex? The universe won't like it.

Hey, I tried to do right by the universe and I tried to return this.

Not this time. I'm going to bring my A-game.

I'm going to pass this test, I'm going to beat the universe

and nobody will get hurt.

Ah!

BUMPS DOWN THE STAIRS

Oh, you broke my wombat! Ow...

You were saying?

What's going on?

These two knocked me down the stairs.

And what's up with you two?

We fell down the stairs and I really hurt my arm, and he hurt his...

Oh, we probably can't use that one now.

Which one should use, Parker?

Come on, that was not even my fault this time.

Simon, tell them...

-Quick, Maddy, move!

-What are you doing?

-Keep your voice down.

-Sh!

"Master Maths In An Hour."

-Look, Alex, this is better than cheating.

-Sh!

-You two are toast!

-Sh!

You can't beat us up in here because you have to be quiet.

Well, then, we'll just have to beat you up quietly.

Yeah! How do we do that?

First, you get us a maths test.

Then, you ruin our chances of being sent home sick.

So, what are you going to do about it, King?

There's nothing I can do.

Well...

..you could always give him the answer sheet.

Great. That's just great.

Without the answer sheets, we're doomed.

Holiday classes with Norris, again.

I feel ill.

It's a figure of speech.

Then why do you look so pale, and pasty, and clammy?

I always look like that.

Oh, you know what we could do?

We could use one of these.

-The answers!

-Yeah.

Photocopied them. Was planning on selling them,

about 10 each.

Only you had us running around all lunchtime.

You're not going to use them, Alex?

Please, can't you see the universe keeps trying to tell you it's wrong?

I'll tell you what's wrong, Maddy...

My punishment last time. That's wrong.

And I'm about to go through it all again even though

I tried to put the answer sheets back.

And that's wrong, too.

The universe isn't playing fair, so why should I play fair?

How else am I meant to pass the test?

-Studied for it.

-Apart from that?

No, never mind her, mate. Doing the right thing.

That'll be 10, please.

BELL RINGS

All right, five.

Not going any lower than four.

OK, get to work.

You have exactly one hour to answer every question

on the sheet in front of you.

There will be strictly no talking, and when you are finished,

stay quietly in your seats until the time is up.

See, Maddy? He cheated and the sky hasn't fallen down.

Yet.

-Anyway, Maddy, you cheat all the time.

-I do not!

-Oh, please.

You think I don't see you secretly remembering

everything you're taught in class?

Don't tell anyone.

Anyway, I don't know why you bothered. The test was easy.

-The one with the triangle was so simple...

-Uh, triangles?

Maddy, what were you doing with triangles?

It was a trigonometry test.

That is what we've been studying all term.

No, it wasn't, it was algebra, wasn't it?

You stole the wrong answer sheet?

You stole the wrong answer sheet!

Isn't it going to look a bit funny if four people hand in

identical algebra papers instead of trigonometry?

You think? We have to get our tests back.

Zhh...mmm...

That's rubbish. Looks like you're painting.

You obviously don't have much experience in shaving.

He's locked the cupboard. He never locks the cupboard!

-That's because I was there earlier.

-Oh...

Well done.

We're finished, then.

Holiday lessons,

detentions and beat downs from Parker and Howe.

Maybe not.

There is another way in, but it's not easy.

Remember to get ours, Parker's, and Howe's.

I'm not going. You go.

What?!

Fine! Rock, paper, scissors.

What is that?

That is a bomb defusal expert.

Beats dynamite.

Yeah, that makes sense. A bomb defuse expert...

All right! Fine, I'll do it. Just keep watch. Both of you.

And no mimes!

Ah...

Please.

Oh, come on.

Good job.

HE BANGS ON SCREEN

-Alex?

-Yeah, I'm in the vent.

-Well, come out.

-I can't open it. It's stuck.

She did it. I was trying to put it in really gently,

-but she made me force it.

-Help me.

The holes are too small to fit my fingers in.

Even I can't shift it, Alex.

-You'll have to find another way out.

-Brilliant.

You could pass my test paper through, if you like.

CLATTERING

CLATTERING

OK, it's moving. I think we're going to be all right.

Woop-woop! Click-click!

-What are you doing?

-Siren beetle.

Sounds nothing like a siren beetle. This is a siren beetle.

Woop-woop! Click-click!

A siren beetle's more at the back of the throat with the phlegm.

Like 'wooch', click-click!

Sounds like a toad. A beetle is more high pitched...

-Woop-woop! Click-click!

-Oh, high pitched? Want to go high pitched?

Might as well go brr-ping!

Should I even ask?

Or will the answer be as stupid as I suspect?

Um...

-We were just, um...

-Thought as much.

METAL CREAKS

And where exactly have you just come from, King?

I've been here the whole time.

Right, shut up.

One month's detention.

And for cheating, you will attend all my holiday lessons.

But at least you'll have some company.

Isn't that right, Birch?

Parker?

Howe?

Looking forward to spending the entire holiday

with your friends, are you?

Well, Mum was going to take me to that petting zoo.

They've got a pony.

Get out!

The lot of you!

You're going to beat us up every day of those holidays, aren't you?

No, King, we're not.

We're going to beat you up now.

Simon, te...

Great idea, Simon! Never would've thought that.

Get back here, King. You are toast!

-Toast!

-Keep running!

-I could get a sick note.

-Get sent home.

I do have a little mm-hmm in my throat.

Starting to get a bit of a hrmmm myself.

We wouldn't have the conversation that leads us to having the...

that gives him the idea in the first place.

Yes, thank you. Thank you.