Episode 7 Worst Year of My Life... Again

# I'm amazed at the things that you say

# I'd heard it all before

# Just another day

# January, February all the same

# March, April, May's coming back again

# Oh, why?

# Cos it's the worst year of my life again

# It's looped around and pulled me back in

# Now yesterday has come again

# Oh, no

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

# Worst year of my life again. #

ALARM BEEPS

It's exciting.

Grand final!

The big day.

The decider!

I remember when my team made the grand final.

We were on top of the ladder the whole year. Hm...

The hot favourites,

until...

..Ginger Pete grabbed my jumper at kick-off.

Blatant foul. But did the ref send him off?

No! And do you know what happened next, Alex?

He kicked the winning goal!

That trophy should have been ours.

Ginger Pete...

More like Ginger Cheat!

But I'm over it now.

-What?!

-It matches your eyes.

You did this? Why?

Me? Put red socks in with your white shirt

just because it was your turn to do the laundry last night,

but you didn't do it because you needed a good sleep

before the big match - why would I do that?

This is the most important day of my life.

That's not saying much.

The Mad Dogs are finally in the grand final

and we have a chance of winning, and now I'm going to be playing in pink!

Not sure pink's your colour, mate.

Simon, give me your shirt.

-What would I wear?

-Well, you're the substitute.

And? What if something happens to the other guys?

I don't mean anything bad like breaking a leg or getting smallpox,

just something like typhoid or mumps.

I have to go on and kick the winning goal...become a legend.

Definitely need my shirt for that.

I can take you to the sports store.

I mean, there's still time to get a new top.

And I can tell Simon all about that grand final on the way.

-Hi, Mr King.

-Hi, Maddy.

I can't wait for the match. I made a special T-shirt.

Look.

It's a hot dog.

Of course. That's your team, the Hot Dogs.

Mad Dogs, Maddy. We're called the Mad Dogs.

Really?

I've been shouting "hot dogs" at all your games.

Maybe that's why people are asking me for sauce.

You think?

Come with us. Just don't get my dad talking about soccer.

That trophy should have been ours!

Ginger Pete.

Ginger Cheat, more like.

That's why I got my referee accreditation,

and my coach's certificate.

But does anyone ask me to referee these days?

No! They'd just rather players cheat and play dirty!

What's with all this traffic?

Looks like there's a broken down bus ahead.

Oh, well, the store's just down the road.

So, we'll run and pick up a top and if you can pick us up. Come on, guys.

Why? Why did you get him talking about soccer?

Well, I didn't know he'd go on and on and on about it, did I?

He always goes on and on and on about it.

Why didn't you just change the subject? Talk about something else?

I can't. We have absolutely nothing in common.

What about...myriapodology?

Huh?

It's the study of centipedes and millipedes.

Look, we're running out of time so let's just grab the top and go.

Hey, there's Nicola!

-70% off?

-Wow!

-That is so good.

Hey, Nicola, you coming to the grand final? My team's playing.

-Go, Hot Dogs!

-Mad Dogs. I'm the captain.

I'm the vice captain. I'm the substitute vice captain.

Ah, no, I'm going to the designer clothes sale instead.

But this is the big match. Mad Dogs versus Cobras. Me versus Parker.

Everyone's going to be there, aren't they, guys?

-Yeah, sure.

-Definitely!

If they're not somewhere else.

Everyone's going?

Trust me.

If you don't hurry you won't get a seat.

Walker Park, 11 sharp. Catch you there.

Sorry, mate, it's been doing that all day.

They've only got small or large.

But I'm a medium!

Really?

You look like a small.

It's never going to fit. You just don't want me to play.

No, you just need to bulk up more. Drink more water.

That spreads electrolytes throughout your body

and helps build your muscles.

Oi! What do you think you're doing?

Oh, it's just that I'm a medium, and you're...

Sorry, mate. Finders keepers.

But this is the most important day of my life.

Tough.

You do realise if you hadn't stopped to talk to Nicola you would've...

Just saying.

You should call yourselves the Hot Dogs.

I'm going to regret this... Why?

Because I can't draw dogs, even mad ones.

They always end up with way too many legs.

Bit small?

No, I think you look great.

Can't breathe. I'm getting a large.

I know.

You could call yourselves the Centipedes.

-Si, get over here.

-What?

Just help me.

Oh, you're stuck.

-Oh, it's OK, I'll play in your place.

-Just help me!

-Doesn't feel like it's shifting.

-Really?!

-You got it on, how can I get it off?

-I don't know, just...

-Maddy!

-Maddy!

-Maddy!

-Maddy!

Whoa! All right!

All right, three, two, one! Pull!

You little hoodlum!

Si, get my bag!

Maddy, get my bag!

There you go.

Oi! You!

ALARM BEEPS

Hey!

No! No! That was the... That's that kid!

Our best chance, our only chance at winning a final...

RUINED because of that Ginger cheat.

Can you imagine a guy grabbing your shirt...

Hey, losers! You got here just in time...

to lose!

Right, gather round! Not yet.

This is the most important game of your lives.

Win, and this joyous, glorious event

will be imprinted on your memory

for the rest of your lives.

Lose...

..and everything in your tiny lives

has been a total, absolute waste.

OK!

-Ooh.

-MOBILE PHONE RINGS

What?

What?!

-The game's off.

-ALL:

-What?

The referee has been arrested, for shoplifting.

What are they so happy about?

They finished top of the ladder.

So if there's no game, they win the trophy.

Oh, come on, that's not fair.

I'll ref. I'm only a substitute and vice captain.

It has to be an accredited referee.

Face it, boys. We've lost.

Alex...an accredited referee.

What?

No! No way!

It's exciting.

It's been years since I've been on the pitch.

Pity about the turnout.

Don't get too carried away, Dad.

You know how you are with soccer.

What are you talking about? I just want a good, clean game.

OK, shake hands.

Shake hands.

CRUNCH

Come on, guys! Woo!

WHISTLE BLOWS

Let's go, boys!

Urgh!

Oh, ho-ho!

WHISTLE BLOWS

WHISTLE BLOWS

-I didn't touch him!

-Alex? Off.

-But, Dad!

-What?

You pulled his shirt. It's a blatant foul. Off.

Gah!

-What's happening?

-No idea.

-You're on.

-I'm on?

-Yeah.

I'm on! My time is now! Can you believe it?

Some plank got injured. I am so sorry...

but with you off, that means that I'm captain.

Just make sure we win.

No worries. I'm your man.

Oi, Mad Dogs!

Listen up to your captain!

No!

Come on, Simon!

WHISTLE BLOWS

12-nil.

12-nil!

And two of them were own goals.

I got confused. Both the ends looked the same.

That was the best chance, the only chance we had

of winning the grand final. Ruined!

It was your own fault.

You know shirt pulling is a blatant foul.

Ginger Pete may have got away with it, but I'm not going to sit back...

I've had enough. Let's just get out of here.

BLOWS WHISTLE

Who's this guy?

You!

HE GROANS

ALARM BEEPS

Ahh! It shrunk!

You. You did this. Why?!

Me? Put your delicate top in the super hot wash.

Why would I do that?

You'd never do something like that to me.

It's exciting. Grand final day.

The big one! The decider!

-I remember when...

-Sorry, Dad, I've got to go.

You go get 'em, tiger!

Oi, Alex. What's this?

"Match of the Year. Mad Dogs against Cobras."

Everyone'll be at the game to watch us win, including Nicola.

I thought you said we lost.

We did. BUT, I know every move.

Every goal has been burned into my memory.

I know who scores, how, and when. All ten goals.

I thought you said there were 12.

Ten, 12, it doesn't matter. I'll stop them all.

Then bam, attack!

And that's when you bring me on.

Sure.

The thing is, we can't lose.

Nicola will watch every second of it.

This is going to be the best day of my life.

Go, Mad Dogs!

You got the name right.

You've been reminding me all season.

I made a special T-shirt.

Is that a centipede?

No, it's a dog. A mad dog.

It has 20 legs.

That's pretty mad, right?

Hey, guys. I'm taking Sam to the store to buy a new top.

-Do you want a ride?

-We're fine, Dad.

I'm not walking anywhere.

How am I supposed to kick the winning goal

if I'm exhausted before the game even starts?

-We'll take the bus.

-Legends do not take the bus!

Listen, legend,

if you get in that car, Dad will go nuts about Ginger Pete.

The ref will get arrested for stealing whistles

and then I'll get red carded and kicked in the guts.

Oh, and then we'll lose 12-nil.

Did you ever have a normal day last year?

Go, Mad Dogs! Put on a show.

You can do it.

You can do it.

What is your problem? Aside from her?

I need to use the toilet. It's your fault.

You keep telling me how drinking water builds muscles.

Yeah, but you've got to do it in little sips.

You've drunk the whole thing.

Try not thinking of running water.

Or fountains.

Or waterfalls.

Or fountains that run into a waterfall.

I wasn't until now, so thanks!

You're welcome.

At least we're going to make it to the game on time.

There was a hold up here last time, but the traffic looks OK.

Hang on.

That's what happened last...

METAL CRUNCHES Oh, no!

Could you please try starting it up again?

Mate, I'm not trying again. I'm telling you, it's dead.

Sorry, mate, it's been doing that all day.

The ground's only 20 minutes away. We can still make it in time.

20 minutes? I can't wait that long.

There's got to be something else here.

Yeah, toilet's stuffed. You'll need to get someone out to fix it.

Finally. Thank you!

-What are you doing?

-Well, I need it too, now.

All that talk of waterfalls and fountains.

Oh, how good is that!

Oh, no!

Oh, we're going to miss the game.

Maddy! Maddy! Maddy!

Oh, how'd you get in there? It's locked.

Well, it wasn't locked when we got in here, was it?

Now help us get out.

But I haven't got the key.

Simon, give me a boost.

THEY GRUNT

Looks like you're stuck.

Really? Maddy, pull. Push, Simon.

I'm pushing!

HE GRUNTS

Look, you're not shifting.

Let go of my leg.

CAR ALARM BLARES

That's weird.

That'll be more course correcting.

Of course.

A car roof opens for no reason.

What's that got to do with anything?

DOG BARKS

Brutus!

I'll deal with you two later!

Brutus!

Simon, you wuss!

Hey, I've got to stay out of trouble before the big match.

Oh, the match! We'll never make it in time.

We could always get that lift off your dad.

It's a bit late now.

Not really. I mean, he's right there.

Bye.

Hey, Sam!

Just don't get him started on soccer.

There's the blue ring centipede, the redheaded centipede,

the Peruvian giant orange leg centipede,

the normal centipede, then there's the purple centipede.

And then there's so many centipedes.

Right, gather around!

OK!

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

What?

What?!

But I didn't get the ref arrested! What...what's wrong?

My Brutus. My poor Brutus.

Some hooligans let my dog escape.

It was an accident.

It had to be an accident. Who would do such a thing?

I'm sure he'll make his way home.

He's out there, defenceless.

Alone. Afraid.

I've got to go find him.

Brutus!

Where's he gone? You can't play without a coach.

If he doesn't come back, we're going to have to cancel the game

and award the trophy to the Cobras.

What? You can't do that. It's not fair.

I'll coach. I'm only a substitute and vice captain.

No, you need to be officially trained and accredited.

Oh, fine!

It's exciting!

It's been years since I've been on the pitch.

Great turnout, hey?

All right. Dad...Dad, don't get too carried away.

You know what you're like with soccer.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I'm just going to sit over there

and I'm going to enjoy a good, clean game.

Yeah! Come on!

You sure he's going to be OK?

Last time around didn't he go a little bit nuts?

No, it's only because he went off about Ginger Pete.

He'll be fine.

G'day, I'm the Cobra's coach.

Good luck. And may the best and fairest team win.

Hey, hang on.

King.

Didn't we go to school together?

Sorry, I don't remember.

How about now?

Ginger Pete!

Alex!

It's our ball, I think.

What are you doing, Alex?

You're defending the wrong side!

Great work, Alex.

That's one goal saved.

Who's the loser now?

Run at him, Alex!

He's never going to kick the long ball!

Or maybe he will!

That's two!

You're free! Shoot!

Three.

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Wo-ho-ho!

-Four.

-Way to go, son!

Way to go, Alex!

How'd you let that loser tackle you?

I don't know. It's like he knew exactly what I was going to do.

Five!

Six!

Seven!

Eight!

Yes!

Hoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah!

-He's amazing!

-Who knew?

Go, Mad Dogs!

I've had enough of this.

BLOWS WHISTLE

Caution.

It was an accident! He should get the yellow card.

He pulled my shirt.

I didn't see anything.

Didn't see anything? Are you blind, Ref? It was a blatant foul!

-Abuse!

-What?

-You're off.

-What?!

That's not fair!

Tough.

Ha-ha! Oh, bad luck!

But then you're used to losing, aren't you?

Oh, little loser!

Once a loser, always a loser.

Loser! Loser!

Loser!

Yes! I am so on. I am sorry, mate, but now that you're off,

it looks like I get to be captain.

I'll handle this.

Dad, what are you doing?

Is that Alex King's dad?

BLOWS WHISTLE

Play the game, Mr King.

Ginger Pete...Ginger Cheat!

BLOWS WHISTLE

Goal!

G-o-a-l!

HE YELLS

Ha-ha-ha!

WHISTLE BLOWS

Disqualified.

Sorry, son, I just... got a bit carried away.

We were going to win and then my own dad ran out onto the pitch

like a complete crazy person and we got chucked out of the game.

Nicola saw the whole thing.

It was quite embarrassing. Lucky I had nothing to do with it.

But still, you came second in the grand final. That's pretty good.

I'm sorry, son. I just couldn't help it.

It was Ginger Pete.

I don't know if you can understand this,

but I just couldn't let history repeat itself.

Actually, I do understand.

You do?

Yeah, I've sort of been going through the same thing myself, recently.

Oh, something in common, eh?

That's them!

Oi, King!

Uh, just drive, Dad.

-King!

-Hey!

-Get back here!

Three, two...!

This is the most important ga...

Ugh, bleh, agh!

Simon, give me your top.

What am I going to play in?

You're the substitute.

Oh, you can't do that!