The Good, the Bad and the Undead Young Dracula

THUNDERCLAP

68 and seven is...

WIND BLOWS Hmm?

I know I've been cold to you in the past,

but it's only so you wouldn't guess the truth.

The truth?

Something I've been hiding since the day we met.

Please say you're not Mr McCauley?

I've fallen in love with you.

I know it's wrong. I'm the headmistress, you're the owner

but...it feels so right. Tell me if I'm being a fool.

My heart was yours from the moment we met.

But I kept silent because I too have a secret.

A terrible, terrible secret.

If I tell you, your love for me will die.

I'm not scared of secrets, Mr Count.

Or should I say...Count Dracula?

You know who I am? No, WHAT I am?

I want us to be together for ever.

Bite me, my love.

-Yes.

-Bite me.

RECORD SCRATCHES

This is a dream, isn't it?

You were about to bite me. I'd call that a nightmare.

HE LAUGHS CRUELLY

KNOCK AT DOOR

Have you finished the finance projections?

Well, I, er...

-Were you asleep?

-HE YAWNS

No, no, no. Wide awake, wide awake.

-I need those figures on my desk by morning.

-Right.

Chances of Miss McCauley being secretly in love with me...

Zero.

CLICKING

I'm arresting you for criminal damage.

Although I think your bland use of colour's a much greater crime.

You really hate it that much?

I could do it in pink if that floats your boat?

I prefer red myself, but I'm all out of red.

Guess I'll just have to use blood instead.

WHOOSH Stay back!

Oh, watch out, everyone, he's got a stake(!)

Oh, wait a second, panic over. It's got a rounded end.

WHOOSH

I'm arresting you on suspicion of being O positive.

You don't have to say anything, but it is much more fun if you scream.

WHOOSH

Easy. You could've had my eye out.

We know the new rules - no biting, no slaying. Hmm?

Remember nothing. Jog on.

BANG!

WHOOSH

I thought we agreed to play together nicely?

Tell that to chopsticks over there, he dusted one of my gang.

I don't care who started it.

The Vampire High Council and Slayers' Guild

have agreed a ceasefire. Respect it.

You need food, you go to the blood bank at Garside.

-You see biting, you report it.

-Let's pretend this never happened.

From now on, you're going to be friends.

Yeah, I got all the friends I need. Let's go play somewhere else.

He's trouble.

Name's Malik. Flew into town a few weeks ago.

The street fangs love him. He's old school. A biter.

It's just a scratch. You were lucky, he missed the artery.

You should be clean, but I'll do a quick test at the lab to be sure.

So much for vampires and breathers living in peace.

More like resting in peace.

It's working. Biting and slaying are down.

Vampires have hunted breathers for thousands of years.

-They're not going to change overnight.

-Whose side are you on?

Whose blood is that?

A slayer. She was bitten in a fight. She's negative.

Next time this could be you. You're risking too much.

Don't report it.

I'm chair of the Slayers' Guild, I have to report it.

You want this ceasefire to fail, don't you?

Don't make this about me, Jonno. I'm not the one biting innocent people.

Take those out, you look ridiculous.

AB negative.

-Just practising. The master will bite me any day now.

-Oh, dream on.

B positive with a splash of cranberry.

HIGH-PITCH LAUGH

Renfield, this is a blood bank, not a cafe. A Rhesus negative.

There's nothing wrong in tickling their taste buds

with a little sophistication.

B positive with a cockroach frappe.

Where's Dad? He's supposed to be helping.

Working late with Miss McCauley.

Work? He doesn't know the meaning of the word. Hey, off my counter. Off!

Did I give you permission

to stare at the moon like a lovesick werewolf?

Go to the store room, we're out of AB positive.

MOTORCYCLE APPROACHES

I don't remember ordering pizza delivery.

Nice bike.

WHOOSH

RYAN LAUGHS

They're serving the losers ready meals. Next they'll be

pulling out our fangs saying we don't need them any more.

-WHOOSH

-What's your problem?

Aside from your poser bike and the fake leather jim-jams?

No, it's real leather.

That explains the smell. I recommend a breathable fabric.

You want to come for a ride and get some blood the old school way?

Breaking the ceasefire?

You're more stupid than you look - which is going some.

It's never going to last. Vampires are hunters, not house cats.

RATTLING

You really are a bad-boy cliche. What's next? A dragon tattoo?

Interesting. I haven't seen that symbol since I left the old country.

Do you know what it means?

I read that vampires used to draw it to mark out their territory.

Quite the history buff, aren't we? Of course we each drew it differently,

otherwise it would've rather...defeated the purpose.

HISS Ah.

I put mine inside a triangle,

which, if you think about it, is made up of three Vs.

I was once young, arrogant, reckless. It's like looking in a mirror.

Thanks.

So this is your territory, is it?

-No, I was just...

-And do you know what the V stands for?

Vampire?

Veni, vidi, voro.

I came, I saw, I consumed.

THE COUNT LAUGHS

I'm just messing with you. Go, go have fun. Not too much fun.

Remember there is a ceasefire.

Sounds like we need a new motto. I came, I saw,

I coexisted.

MOTORCYCLE REVS

You're so easily impressed.

Do you trust Bertrand?

-Why?

-He tried to betray you.

Well, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Isn't it best to keep your friends close

-and your enemies in a garlic pit?

-Look.

Looks like fresh blood.

-He's hunting breathers.

-We need some bait to lure him out.

What do you prefer, brunettes or redheads?

-Dad?

-Vladdy?

Well, I see I'm not the only one with a two-pronged attack.

Look, you didn't seriously think I was going to play along, did you?

I've been having breathers for breakfast for hundreds of years.

It's too late to change the menu.

You didn't even try. You're supposed to be setting a good example.

I am. It's you that's letting the side down

with all this peaceful coexistence nonsense.

Look at me and Vlad, we prove it can work.

THE COUNT LAUGHS

You two are a joke. Your relationship has no future.

What will you do when you're 100, hmm? Vlad will still be young

and you'll barely have breath to blow out your birthday candles.

Bite her and be done with it. Then you can be together for ever.

Why don't you take your own advice and bite Miss McCauley?

I have no interest in her.

Our relationship is...strictly professional.

You can lie to yourself if you want.

Just don't lie to me again.

You're either with me or against me. What's it to be?

The blood bags have all been slashed. Look like claw marks.

Could be a werewolf.

It wasn't me.

Fangs can do that. Could be a vampire.

Still not me.

You've got to ask yourself, who wants the blood bank to fail?

Oh, well done, Miss Scarlet.

-It was the Count in the cellar with the candlestick.

-Oh!

Why would I waste a perfectly good drop?

Well, there's a clue to our culprit.

Malik, he's all talk and no fangs.

I think you underestimate the boy. He's got potential...

..to be a real troublemaker. No, we don't want that, do we? No.

We need more blood before sunset,

otherwise they'll be a feeding frenzy.

Don't look at me, I'm using all mine.

-OK, fine, hook me up.

-Thanks.

I'll see what Jonno can find at the Slayers' Guild.

-Did you do them figures for me?

-Yes, master.

Are you sure these numbers add up?

Are you sure these numbers add up?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, dear...

-A dog ate the finance ledger?

-Snatched it out of my hand.

Chewed it right up. Most unfortunate.

And that's the best excuse you could come up with?

I was going to say a half-vampire, half-werewolf messed up the numbers,

but I thought better of it.

I'm trying to run a school, here. Your school.

As a professional establishment.

The students deserve better than this, and so do I.

BELL RINGS

But...

It seems too obvious.

What if it wasn't Malik,

but somebody who wants to make it look like him?

It's a simple tag, easy enough to copy.

It could have been anyone.

But, what if it was the person who reported

the crime in the first place.

Bertrand?

-I need evidence. I'm going to search his room.

-Be careful.

I don't want you getting hurt.

Not possible. A stake right here, and I'd live.

Cos you stole my heart.

Really, you're going with that one?

Don't pretend it's not working.

-What am I going to do with you?

-I'll make a list.

Maybe your dad's right.

Maybe we shouldn't be together.

You're not going to feel the same about me as you watch me get old.

Forget what he said, we should live for today,

and not worry about tomorrow.

Doing the whole room, or just that spot?

It was you, not Malik.

What happened to innocent until proven guilty?

Exhibit A.

I found it.

-Why would I wreck the blood bank, I'm on your side.

-Are you?

-You think I'd betray you?

-It wouldn't be the first time, would it?

That was different. I thought you'd chosen the wrong path.

Then why do you still have this?

To remember never to judge a book by its cover.

If you don't trust me, finish me now.

I think there's been enough blood spilt for one day.

Mmm...Miss McCauley...

A strictly professional interest?

Go choke on a garlic bulb, there's a dear.

Interesting that we both think Vlad's plan is nonsense.

Yes, it's mildly intriguing.

What are we going to do about it?

-We?

-Vlad needs re-educating.

I thought, perhaps, we could keep it in the family.

With our history of mutual loathing,

no-one would suspect us working together.

If we can't help Vlad find his evil side, no-one can.

Well, it they do say, blood is thicker than water.

This won't be enough for tonight.

-We'll have to water it down to make it go further.

-It's not a good idea.

If the vampires find out, it'll end badly for all of us.

I don't want to be in the firing line, if it all kicks off.

Ryan, you can serve tonight.

-Good luck.

-You too, Renfield.

Can't you just get more?

Slayer's have been donating 24/7 for the blood banks.

Maybe if you looked after it better, you wouldn't be in this situation?

All right, I'm sorry. This is my problem.

If this place runs dry tonight and they hit the streets,

we've both got a problem.

A negative.

AB positive.

O negative.

Prime suspect, returning to the scene of the crime. Clever move.

-Unless he's innocent?

-Leave this to me, I'll loosen his lips.

No, I'll handle this.

I saw the blood by your tag. You bit a breather.

You got me. Guilty as charged.

The streets are our home.

It's where we live. It's where we hunt.

It's not an easy thing you're asking us to do.

But we're here to give it a try.

Stay away from breathers, and we don't have a problem.

I'll...er...

just go and get some more.

O negative.

What are you trying to pull? This is diluted.

-Would you drink this rubbish?

-No. No, I wouldn't.

Why don't you join us?

Lead the way.

Ryan? Get back to work. Right now.

You're not the boss of me. Do your own dirty work.

I made you. I own you.

You're not leaving.

I came here in good faith.

You promised us blood, not this watered down filth.

-We donated that blood.

-Explains the bitter aftertaste.

You should be grateful for what you're given.

-You should be grateful you're alive.

-So should you.

The council members are hearing

reports of a blood shortage at Garside?

A temporary supply problem, it's all sorted now.

So the ceasefire isn't working?

Your venture is failing?

Vampires are using the blood banks and slayings are down.

That's a good thing isn't it?

They could be lulling us into a trap.

They get us to hang up our weapons.

We lower our guard, lose our edge.

And then, bang!

They wipe us out in a massive attack.

You're being paranoid. The slayers want this to work as much as we do.

-The vampires want the fighting to stop.

-Prove it.

I want to see vampires and slayers in the same room getting on.

Doing what? Karaoke?

You choose the event. We'll come and observe.

You agreed what?

A sporting event. Vampires V Slayers.

Sport? Vampires don't do sport.

Unless the next Olympics now includes synchronised blood sucking?

I just thought it would be a good way to get both sides

into the same room, without wiping each other out.

How about hide and seek? We've both been playing that for centuries.

What? I'm trying to be helpful.

May I introduce Mina Van Helsing, from the Slayers' Guild.

Ramanga. Vampire High Council.

We meet at last.

Well, I can see you two are going to get on like a coffin on fire.

Play nicely with the slayers

and I've got ten litres of pure blood with your name on it.

-If we don't..?

-I'll hand you to the Slayers' Guild myself.

Right, I want a good clean game. So hand over your weapons.

We don't have any weapons.

Don't give me that innocent look - I know you're all carrying.

Yeah.

Thank you, thank you.

WHISTLE BLOWS

-Let's hope it's a draw.

-Let's hope it's football.

-Give me a V!

-V!

-Give me an A!

-A!

Give me a break.

-Give me a P!

-P!

CROWD CHEERS

Why are there no women on the Vampire High Council?

Much like a slayer, you always get straight to the point.

-How are you Ingrid?

-I'm happy.

But I'd be a lot happier with a seat on the council.

I have no doubt you'll find a way.

I only hope it's not my seat you're planning on taking.

Whatever gave you that idea?

CROWD SHOUTS AND CHEERS

Yes!

Yes!

They're cheating!

...Vampires score, you're not winning any more!

WHISTLE BLOWS

-No using your powers.

-We didn't, we're just fast.

It's not our fault you can't keep up, old man.

We've got skills, we've got powers

We can go like this for hours!

Put your foot in!

CHEERING

There's nothing in the rules of football that say

you cannot turn into a bat.

ERIN: What are you doing? Guys, guys, guys!

YELLING AND GROWLING

Great match, although I thought the goal celebrations

a little excessive.

This was a mistake.

The match, or the ceasefire?

We should stick to table football next time.

I don't think there's going to be a next time.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd