Cuckoo in the Nest Young Dracula


Cuckoo in the Nest

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Transcript


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Morning, Renfield.

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Your breakfast, Master Vlad... And the post.

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This screen shows the position of every person in this school.

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-Even you.

-Even me?!

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So, who's this?

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Bertrand was right. There is a shape-shifter in this house...

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..and it's with Malik.

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That's me!

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The fun's nearly over.

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Just two more deaths and you will sit on the Dracula throne.

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-I'm well aware of that, Mother.

-Don't take that tone with me!

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-We've got her.

-Who?

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-You can't back out now.

-We came here to destroy the Draculas.

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You did. I've finally found my father.

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Have you any idea what a big deal this is?

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Your father's the cheating rat who abandoned us.

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If you hurt my dad, I will dust you.

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You'll regret this.

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Who was that?

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My mum.

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That...thing was Elizabeta? Well, she really hasn't aged well.

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She's a shape-shifter, he's been working with her -

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trying to dust us all.

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It's true, but I changed my mind.

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You can't trust him.

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He's a ruthless killer with no morals.

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That is why you need me on your side.

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With Mum after your blood,

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you're going to need all the help you can get.

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BELL RINGS

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-Bertrand knew about dark forces.

-Mmm. Shame somebody staked him.

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Actually, that was me. Well, me and Mum.

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Bertrand was on to us so we tricked Vlad into staking him.

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-What? It's a classic wind-up.

-He's completely psychotic.

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He's a chip off the old stake, all right.

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So, what's your plan?

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Bertrand had books on shape-shifting.

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Right. We need to find the most boring tome.

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Oh! Fantastic At 500.

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An Illustrated Guide To Transylvanian Bong Maggots. Oh! Ha-ha!

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Doing The Bite Thing: Morals And Ethics For Vampires.

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-This is impossible to decipher.

-Put it down.

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"On the dark of shape-shifting." Vladdy, you're a genius!

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It was written by an ancient slayer who fought a shape-shifter and won

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by developing an alchemical formula which trapped it in one body.

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What's the formula? Crystallised porphyrium.

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-These are very rare ingredients.

-Just do it.

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You and you, help him. Do exactly as he tells you.

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Not him. I'm not having him anywhere near it.

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This is no time for bickering. We need that formula

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before she strikes again.

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-I'll help you.

-No. You stay with me.

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-But I can protect you.

-At times like these, I need Vlad by my side.

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Keep going. Another few hours till it's reduced. Coming along nicely.

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I think the Master will be pleased with my progress report.

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Uh-uh-uh-uh!

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You keep stirring. Whatever you do, don't allow it to boil.

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Vlad's still the Count's right-hand man and you're just the kitchen boy.

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Not for long.

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You may be the eldest son, but you'll never be Count Dracula.

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Not until you take down Vlad.

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And I know something that would crush him, like that!

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Do we have to play this game?

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Yes, because I only play on the winning team.

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As soon as the anti-shift's ready, we wait for her to show herself

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then I go out and trap her.

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-All you need to do is stay here and tell me where she is.

-Yes.

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We could be waiting here for hours.

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How's the anti-shift coming along?

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Well, it needs to be stirred on a very low heat...

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Would you just tell us when it'll be ready!

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Everyone's so touchy this morning.

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-What's this?

-Your post. I did mention it.

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-Renfield, this is marked urgent!

-Yeah, well, I was...

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"Dear Vlad, by mind-wiping the Slayers,

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"you failed me and our friendship. Why should I trust you again?"

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I need to go out. I won't be long.

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Oh, yes, don't worry about me(!)

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I'm only under attack from a murderous nemesis who's been

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plotting revenge for the last 400 years.

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We can't do anything till the anti-shift is ready.

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You'll be safe here.

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You'll know as soon as she makes a move.

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Just sit tight and don't trust Malik.

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Miss McCauley! Hmm!

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What are you doing here at this hour?

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Hi, Mr Count. Preparing for the practical Year 11 chemistry exam.

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Oh, practical chemistry - my favourite subject.

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Well, it's not mine,

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but I've got to cover until Mr Bertolini gets back.

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Mr Bertolini? Well, didn't he tell you? He's gone home...to Italy.

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-Italy?

-Mmm.

-Well, he didn't say anything.

-No.

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No letter of resignation.

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I expect he blames me for his accident.

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These Mediterranean types are so...passionate.

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-He might have called, or...

-Yes.

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I'm sure we'll find another science teacher and if there's anything...

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'Come in, come in. Over, over. Master!'

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-That start-of-the-art...

-'Come in. Over. Master!'

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-..photocopying thing.'

-Master! Come in! Master! Master!'

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-Excuse me.

-'Come in. Master.'

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-'Master!'

-What?!

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The shapey-shifty thingy.

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It's...it's coming after me.

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'All right. All right. Stay where you are.'

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Oh!

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It's in the room.

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Save yourself, Renfield. I'll take care of it. Go, go, go!

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-Over and out.

-Go!

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EVIL CACKLING

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I don't know how to use this thing. I've never used it...

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I told you... I told you to stay put.

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No, you told me to go out, save myself and you'd take care of it.

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-What are you doing here?

-What?! Talk sense, you dribbling flunky.

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-No, no, no. You were in there... and now you're here.

-Yes.

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CRACKLING

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What? What? What part of the word "shape-shifter" don't you understand?

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She could be anyone or anything and now, thanks to you,

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we have no way to track her down!

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What do we do now?

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What Draculas do best.

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Run away?

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Well, second best. We hide.

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Master! Master!

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Master!

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Stay where you are.

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I got your letter.

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I've come to help, if you'll let me.

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I know what I did was wrong. But we were on the verge of total war

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and I was desperate to save the peace.

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-You're trying to defend what you did?

-I made a monumental mistake.

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In a world without slayers, vampires are too dangerous.

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We need you.

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Please, let me reverse the mind-wipe.

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I trusted you once. I don't like making the same mistake twice.

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You're not.

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Let me start with your mum.

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All right.

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Mum.

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Mina. Look into my eyes.

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Balance must be restored. Light to darkness.

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I like watching you fail.

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Life to death. Slayers to vampires.

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I can even feel your suffering.

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Light to darkness.

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Brought down by a girl.

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HISSING

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This is your fault. You linked us for eternity.

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Get out of my mind.

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Awaken

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and know the truth.

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Jonno? What's he doing here?

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It's all right, Mum. Thank you.

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Don't thank me. The balance is restored.

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Dad?

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The anti-shift's ready.

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Is that all we've got?

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I did say the recipe can reduce considerably.

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I'll reduce you considerably...

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Master! The shape-shifter grabbed me!

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Well, I think we've found our shape-shifter.

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She threw me in the slime pit!

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She's the shape-shifter, Master.

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Let's kill them both, just to be on the safe side.

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-Yes, Master.

-Yes, Master.

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There's not enough potion to waste on them both!

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No need we can just do a simple test.

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Renfields - clean your master's boots.

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Where's the boot polish?

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ALL: Shape-shifter!

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Thank you!

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Father, quick! In here.

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Where did she go? Where did she go?

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-Ah! Renfield...

-Hmm?

-how many fish do you have?

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Just Kirsty.

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Well, now you've got two.

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Oooh, hello! Look at you, then. What are we going to call you?

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Bubbles!

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Keith!

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-Aargh! Shape-shifter! Shape-shifter.

-Give me the anti-shift.

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Trapped for ever. Well done, my son.

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I think you should leave.

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It's not up to you.

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Why would you want to stay anyway?

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I told you. I love to watch you suffer and fail.

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It's over. The mind link is broken.

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You have no power over me any more.

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You think?

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JUDDERING

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Yes. We managed very well without you...

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I told you not to go after her until I came back.

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..thanks to Malik.

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Luckily I've got one son who sticks around when I'm in immortal danger.

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It wasn't Master Vlad's fault. He had a very urgent summons.

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What? You think little things like that are more important than me?

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I don't think so.

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Miss McCauley...

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Mr Count? What's this?

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Dried-leaf infusions. I believe that's what you like to drink?

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Should I be Mother?

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Thank you.

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How is it?

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Thank you.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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Mr Bertolini?! I thought you were in Italy?

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-Really? Why would you think that?

-Well...

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I'll, er, I'll just...

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Agh! ..freshen the pot. Hot pot, hot pot! Come through.

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Renfield!

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Do you mind if I...? Yeah. So...

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-..I, I, um...came to ask you a question...

-Oh.

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..possibly the most important question

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of my life, in fact, Miss McCauley. Do you mind if I call you Alex?

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Whatever you like.

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Alex.

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Alex...

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..would you do the great favour...

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..and allow me to go on a six-month sabbatical?

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What? Why?

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The video I did of Desmodus Rotundus.

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I sent it to the Royal Bat Society.

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Well, they thought it was really exciting.

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Well, you must seize the opportunity of course.

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Alex, you're quite a woman. I'll never forget you.

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Do you want to know a secret?

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Always. What's the price?

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Just promise me you'll use it to destroy Vlad.

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All the slayers?!

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They remember nothing. What, nothing at all?

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Every last one.

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We've been living in a slayer-free world for weeks now.

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-Why? Why didn't he tell me?

-Maybe he wanted to keep

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all those juicy breathers to himself. I don't know.

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Right.

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What's this about mind-wiping the slayers?

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-I removed it.

-No-no-no-no-no!

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You removed the mind-wipe?

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We need slayers. Without them...

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..the most powerful would prevail - as it should be.

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If it ain't broke...

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How can you deny your own heritage?

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I'm not, but we need to evolve beyond endless cycles of biting,

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war and revenge.

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Oh-h!

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Right.

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Look...if you'll just reinstate the mind-wipe,

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we'll forget this whole thing.

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I'm not doing that.

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If you don't, Vladimir...

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..I will never, ever forgive you.

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HE GROWLS

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I see.

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Renfield...

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..make preparation for the Rite of Investiture.

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It's time I formally recognised the heir to the Throne of Dracula.

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Oh, congratulations, Master Vlad.

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Not that one, the other one.

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He...is no son of mine.

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Aggh!

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PLAYS BUGLE VERY BADLY

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Would you please stop?!

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Haven't you got a floor to lick clean or something?

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The writing was on the wall

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from the moment you brought that cuckoo into the nest.

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Do you think I don't know that?

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We are gathered here today to reward loyalty and punish treachery.

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-You're making a mistake.

-Yes, it hurts, doesn't it?

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To be betrayed by your own flesh and blood.

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If you make Malik your heir, you're signing your own death warrant.

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-Do you swear eternal loyalty to your Liege Lord?

-I do.

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Will you guard and protect me from all enemies whomsoever they may be?

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I will.

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Yes, it's about time someone did.

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Do you pledge to uphold the dishonour...of the Dracula name?

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By all that is evil, I promise

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and swear to fight the forces of goodness.

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Never shall I yield to the temptation to do right.

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That milk toddy, Master Vlad?

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Yeah, yeah. Why not?

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-Cheers.

-Cheers.

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Mmm!

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HE BELCHES

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Are you all right?

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HE BELCHES AGAIN

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-Kirsty?

-How could it happen?

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It must have jumped from the tank to the pot?

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I'll save you, Kirsty!

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I don't think CPR works on fish.

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I'll give her the kiss of life!

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It's too late. She's gone.

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Kirsty, my Kirsty!

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Are you sure this is Kirsty?

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-Course I'm sure.

-OK.

-I'd recognise her anywhere...

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with that cute little brown spot on her belly...

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Hold on...that isn't Kirsty!

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Ah, well, waste not want not!

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No, stop. Well, it can't be the shape-shifter, either.

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If it was a vampire, when it died it would have turned to dust.

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What is it, then?

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A decoy. Planted by Malik, to protect his mother.

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We've got him.

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Let it be witnessed by these all here present that

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Malik Hellfire Vaccaria Dracula is my one and only anointed

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successor, and true heir to the throne and title of Count Dracula...

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Stop!

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Too late.

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Malik lied to you. Look...

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Eugh! Dead fish.

0:22:010:22:03

-Exactly.

-Exactly.

-So what is this supposed to prove?

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It's not a shape-shifter. If it was,

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it would have turned to dust already.

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Desperate. Tragic even.

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I know your mum's still about. I will find her.

0:22:120:22:15

Do what you want. I'll be having a drink with my son...

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..and heir.

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To my new heir apparent.

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To the best dad in the world.

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BOTH: Noroc!

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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Enter.

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Mr Count, can I talk to you, please?

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-About Mr Battabini... No, no, Bertolini.

-Yes.

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I'll, er, I'll leave you two to it.

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No, no, stay, stay! All right, all right.

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Look, it was all a silly mix-up - all I can do is apologise.

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I am so, so sorry.

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-But I know why you did it.

-You do?

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You were trying to stop me making a fool of myself.

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As if you ever could.

0:23:080:23:10

You're too kind. I've been such an idiot.

0:23:100:23:14

-I read the signs wrong.

-Well, we've all done that.

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I can't believe I wasted my time on him.

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Mr Bertolini was only ever interested in himself and bats.

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Yes. He was too blind to see what a special person you are.

0:23:230:23:27

-Well, I think that's something we can all be guilty of.

-We can.

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After all, I've only just realised what a kind

0:23:330:23:36

and sensitive man has been standing before me all along.

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Oh. Well, as they always say, there's plenty more fish in the sea.

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The trouble is this one's proving hard to catch.

0:23:440:23:47

Hmm?

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Me?

0:23:570:23:58

No, no, no, no. You mean...

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You mean...

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..you actually like me?

0:24:070:24:10

-I can't do this.

-What's wrong?

0:24:170:24:19

Everything. Look, I love you, but it would never work between us.

0:24:190:24:25

-I'm a... I'm...too old.

-Of course you're not.

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-And then there's my family...

-Whom I'm extremely fond of.

0:24:280:24:32

I know, I know.

0:24:320:24:33

Look, we're not like everyone else.

0:24:330:24:36

A bit eccentric, perhaps. Dysfunctional even.

0:24:360:24:38

We're...vampires.

0:24:380:24:41

Miss McCauley, I...am a vampire.

0:24:410:24:46

Nobody's perfect.

0:24:510:24:52

We'll run away together - buy a little castle somewhere.

0:25:070:25:10

I'll pretend to be a breather. I'll even give up biting.

0:25:100:25:13

I... I don't feel very well.

0:25:130:25:15

Da-na! It's a bit botched.

0:25:410:25:44

The heat sensor is our only hope to catch Elizabeta.

0:25:440:25:48

-Elizabeta.

-Did you miss me?

0:26:160:26:19

-What?

-Poisoned lipstick...

0:26:220:26:25

..the paralysing venom of the Moroccan fire-spider...

0:26:280:26:32

..an agonising death,

0:26:330:26:35

but a very, very slow one.

0:26:350:26:38

Why? Why?

0:26:390:26:41

Because I want you to watch while I destroy everyone you care about.

0:26:420:26:49

First your precious Miss Alex McCauley...

0:26:490:26:53

..and then your entire family.

0:26:550:26:58

Ah, still playing with your toys, little bro?

0:27:000:27:03

I'd speak with a bit more respect if I were you.

0:27:030:27:05

Soon, Dad will be baying for your dust.

0:27:050:27:07

If he gets the chance.

0:27:090:27:10

What've you done to him?

0:27:110:27:13

A fitting end to our master plan. I think his game might be over.

0:27:130:27:16

Good luck.

0:27:230:27:24

Dad!

0:27:260:27:27

Right on cue. I'll leave you to break the good news. Ciao!

0:27:270:27:30

What happened?

0:27:330:27:34

Poison, poison.

0:27:380:27:39

No, no. No, no, no. Wake up. Don't do this to me. Dad! Dad!

0:27:400:27:47

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0:28:090:28:11

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