Job Absolutely Fabulous


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Job

Has Edina still got it? Will a new client destroy her relationship with Saffy, or make it stronger?


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# Wheel's on fire

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# Rolling down the road

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# Best notify my next of kin

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# This wheel shall explode. #

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Why don't you have your meeting here today? Just call your people...

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Alarm, alarm, CCTV!

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-..and call your people and have the meeting here.

-What colour was that colour?

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Speed, speed, Patsy. Speed today.

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Ah, well, look who it is.

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Miss Lazy, Lazy, Lazy Woman.

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And her scrawny friend.

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Stopping in at the spa because you think you deserve it.

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Just like all the other women that come in here.

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Lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy women needing time out from their privileged lives.

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Spoilt, stupid...

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and lazy!

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What!

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Is your little daughter out of prison now?

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Yes, she is.

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Are you working today?

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I'm working now, thank you. I'm always working.

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Oh.

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Fat woman.

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Come in here and you stuff your rich face with naughty cupcakes

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and then cry, "Oh, I have to go for a detox."

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Well, there's not enough herbs and lemon can take the poison out of you.

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Look at the yummy mummies come in here.

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Soft, skinny women come in and have their sad little bones massaged.

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So tired, so stressed from having two children and a big house.

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And then telling me how poor they are and how I've made them sane again.

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"Oh, do you know the Cotswolds?"

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I want to kill them. Kill them!

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Get me the Harper's and Tatler.

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Ooh, hey.

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-What?

-You've mellowed.

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-Yeah, I like these nails.

-Fabulous.

-Although I quite like gels, I might have mixes.

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I don't know what to have next time. Are you working, darling, today?

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-Yeah, I've got my office set up.

-Oh, working here?

-Yeah. A little Chanel, ha ha ha!

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-Well, not all day. I'll see you for lunch.

-No, no, I'll see you at lunch.

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So, January issue.

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Bulimic.

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Foetus.

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I can see a pube.

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SHE SNIFFS

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-Right, so...

-No, don't panic. We don't have to work yet.

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No, the intern's not here yet.

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Oh, fabulous.

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Oh, darling, what's happened? A little bit of a Princess Margaret?

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No, well...

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Oh, go on, tell her. It's hysterical!

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-It's not hysterical. In fact, it's very painful.

-No, really, it's very funny.

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Look, just tell me what happened.

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Well, I...had a fish pedicure.

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Which is not what it sounds because fish don't have feet.

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No, it's where they nibble off all the hard bits and one nibbled

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on a soft bit and once one had drawn blood it was a feeding frenzy.

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Where is that bloody intern? I want to finish this before lunch.

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I thought we might run something on the credit crunch.

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The what?

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The credit crunch.

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The what?

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The credit crunch.

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-The what?

-The recession.

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Oh, don't be an idiot. Our super-rich readers are untouched by the recession.

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This magazine is the Argos catalogue for the fabulous,

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diamond-studded whores of the oligarchs.

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Darling, they know nothing of the breadline.

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They don't do carbs, they do caviar.

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Sorry.

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-I've been waiting.

-Sorry.

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So, did you meet the advertisers?

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-Um, yeah.

-And did you check out this month's productions?

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Yeah.

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-Did you talk through the layouts?

-Oh, yeah.

-Did you do all the returns?

-Yes.

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And, oh, I had lunch with Karl Lagerfeld.

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Why?

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He's this month's main feature.

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-Oh.

-I love Karl.

-Adore.

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But what's happening with his ponytail?

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Oh, he's thinning.

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He's bald! Darling, he's got a comb-over from a nose hair.

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Genius!

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-I need more fags.

-Wha... But...

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Don't "but" me, you little snotrag, just go.

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THEY LAUGH

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Why am I doing this?

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It's work experience.

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Right, here we go, here we go...

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Oh, ah, ooh, ah, ah, ooh, darling? I need this table.

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Mum, I'm having a meeting about the charity.

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-Oh, God, is this a new one?

-Who?

-That.

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Just don't speak to me, please, Mum. Leave me alone and get on with your own useless existence.

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-Oh...

-SHE SNORTS

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Right, agenda. Now, we need to talk about the Keecha Project and Wellgild

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and I need a field report on fundraising activities. How was it?

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-Really hard.

-SHE SOBS

-Oh, sorry.

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For heaven's sake.

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All right, I've got ideas. Take down my ideas.

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-Here we go, here we go, here we go. Brainstorm.

-Stop it!

-What?

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-She's writing on it.

-On the pad.

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-No.

-That's ridiculous.

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Why are you doing that?

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It's a pad!

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She's an idiot. She knows nothing.

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No, I know too much. That's why I'm here.

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Yeah, all right.

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-Shall I do it?

-No, you just do what you're paid to do.

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-I don't get paid.

-All right, do what you're not paid to do.

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Do the mid-morning lunch run. Go on, two sushis and a bacon sandwich now!

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Have you got a report?

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Day one, welcome songs and speech.

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Day two, drive into Kasumu City buying materials for the chicken coop.

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Day three, thought I had malaria but it was just sunstroke.

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SHE SOBS

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God, stop it. Will you stop it?

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All right, just...stop it now, just send it to me.

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I should've gone. I know Africa. I'm married to an African.

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I have a child in Africa.

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-Yeah, child in Africa, mm-mmm.

-Just go.

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But what about the fundraising, the bring-and-buy, the car washathon?

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Just go, please.

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The car washathon?

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Shut up.

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A car washathon, darling?

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How much is that going to raise? Sixpence, is it, sweetheart?

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Actually, I could get you people who could fill your coffers, darling.

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-I could get you Liz Hurley. Get Liz Hurley.

-Elizabeth Hurley?

-Yes.

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Eeh, come on, old girl.

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SHE NEIGHS

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Someone muck her out whilst I take her down the red carpet.

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Clip, clop, clip, clop. It's only another charity do, Lizzy.

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-Take her out, take her out. Take her upstairs.

-Come on, let me put you out to grass.

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-Can you manage these stairs with your Gucci hooves?

-Oh, just...

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Clippety clop, clippety clop. Neigh, neigh, neigh.

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Darling.

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Shall I rub your marma points, marma points, marma points?

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It's a Kabbalistic tool.

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All right, Mum, I was just... I was just thinking about Jane.

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Oh, Lola, darling? Is she going to come back from Africa soon, darling?

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Why would I want Jane to have anything to do with you?

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A sad, fat woman who contributes nothing to this world?

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-I work, darling, I work.

-No, no, you don't.

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You have spent all morning having your nails done.

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You live off other people. You invent a purpose for yourself.

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That is not a real job.

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You only have two clients and they both hate you.

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You're a sad, useless failure that nobody wants to know.

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Now why would Jane want to know you?

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You were a terrible mother and you're an even worse grandmother.

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With very good nails.

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Oh, cheer up, Eddy. Don't let the little tick get to you.

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Darling, from the mouths of little ticks sometimes come little tick truths.

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Are you eating?

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No, I got it for you.

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Darling, I'm trying not to eat. I don't want two lunches.

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But I like doing things for you, Eddy.

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-Just chew and spit. Don't waste it.

-All right, I won't waste it.

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I'm sorry, madam, you can't smoke in here.

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Mais avez-vous aucune idee qui suis-je? Mmm?

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-Eddy, Eddy, Eddy, Eddy?

-Yes, Pats, Pats?

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Eddy, do you know who that is?

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-No.

-Christ, it's Jeanne Durand.

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-Jeanne Durand?

-Yeah, it's THE Jeanne Durand.

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THE Durand.

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I go for a cigarette, you make a decision.

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-Imagine who she's worked with.

-Yeah.

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Truffaut, Chabrol, Polanski.

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Names, names, names.

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French names, French names, French names.

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Jeanne Durand. Saffy likes Jeanne Durand.

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-She's got her poster in her room.

-Well, I like Jeanne Durand.

-Yeah, you do.

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The look that speaks volumes and the mouth that says nothing.

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-Yeah. She looks good, doesn't she?

-Yeah. Well, she's French.

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Yeah, I know, darling, but you know, Bardot?

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Well, if you can't save the face, save the animals.

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Whose idea was this?

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Come on. Let's get out of here before she comes back.

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Jeanne Durand.

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Darling, imagine how proud Saffy would be, and Lola, darling,

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if I knew Jeanne Durand. "Come over for lunch because Jeanne Durand's going to be there.

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"Come over for dinner, meet Jeanne Durand."

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I would be the person who had Jeanne Durand.

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-Darling, I could represent her.

-Whoa, steady, darling, steady.

-What, what?

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-Well, the woman's not...

-What?

-She's not an idiot.

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So, what is the decision?

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I'm not happy, I can tell you.

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Oh, dear.

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Can we make you happy?

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You see, why can't you understand?

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I don't want to be heavy, I want to be light.

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-I've always been a comic actress.

-Yeah, yeah.

-I'm laughing now.

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But really, I want to sing.

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I only have ever wanted to sing.

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Of course, of course. Like Marlene, like Piaf.

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Le Petit Filou.

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Oui, absolument.

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A singer, singing, yes...

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FORK CLATTERS

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Darling, darling, darling, can she sing, can she sing?

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-Of course she can sing. She was one of the Singing Umbrellas Of Cherbourg.

-Perfect.

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Yes, of course, Miss Durand. I mean, what would you like to sing?

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Gainsbourg, Piaf, Brel. Light, light.

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Go for it, Eddy.

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Yes, well, I'd be very proud to represent you in a tour of singing.

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La Durand, Carnegie Hall.

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Yes, perfect.

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J-j-je suis tres... (happy, happy, happy...)

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-Heureuse.

-Heureuse! And... (grateful, grateful...)

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Gras.

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Je suis tres heureuse et tres, tres gras.

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Oui.

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Oi, garcon. Champagne.

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PIANO PLAYS

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What have you got on here at the moment?

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The Proms.

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Oh, yes, I love the Proms.

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So do I. It's been so popular that we've actually had to stop people clapping between movements.

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At the Proms? Anyway, I want it for Jeanne Durand.

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Yeah, Jeanne Durand. THE Jeanne Durand.

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An Evening With. Singing.

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I'm just going out here. Can you say something? I'll see if I can hear you.

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-Oh, all right, darling.

-I absolutely adore Durand.

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-This couldn't be a more perfect venue.

-Well, we'll see, frankly.

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Can you hear me, Eds?

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Yes, I can hear you, darling. Can you hear me?

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Yeah. Sing something.

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She will be using microphones, presumably?

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-Yeah, have you got mics?

-Yes.

-Good.

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Sing, Eds.

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What should I sing, what to sing, what to sing, what to sing...?

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SHE HUMS TUNELESSLY

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# Walking down the road

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# Walking down the road

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# Walking down the road

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# Looking at the trees

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# People passing by

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# They say, "How do you look so great for your age today?"

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# I dunno, I dunno...

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Hello? Hello?

0:13:590:14:01

What?

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So, when did you want to book the hall? I have dates in 2015.

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2015?! No, soon.

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Don't give me 2015 or I'll have you clapping between movements for the rest of your life.

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We only have one night in the next four years

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and that's this Sunday night. Someone died.

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Good.

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Book us in. Durand Sings.

0:14:240:14:27

I've just been on the phone to the Albert Hall, darling. It's all booked.

0:14:290:14:32

-I've struck a pretty good deal - 70/40 split. What do you think?

-Oh, well done, Eddy.

0:14:320:14:37

Did you check on her this morning?

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-Yes, darling, she's alive, she's alive.

-Is she staying here?

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-Yes. She's upstairs.

-Who is, dear?

-Jeanne Durand.

0:14:420:14:45

Oh, I'm a huge fan.

0:14:450:14:47

-Which one is here, dear?

-What?

0:14:470:14:50

-Well, is it Simon Le Bon?

-No.

0:14:500:14:52

-Or is it the pretty one who still puts his face on?

-No, no.

0:14:520:14:56

Not Duran Duran, Jeanne Durand!

0:14:560:14:59

Lots of..."Oui! La belle de nuit!"

0:14:590:15:01

She was Julia's Knee.

0:15:010:15:02

-MUFFLED:

-She was Julia's Knee.

-Jeanne Durand?

0:15:020:15:05

Oh, not her, Eddy! Can't we keep this just to ourselves?

0:15:050:15:07

Yeah, darling, Jeanne Durand.

0:15:100:15:12

She's upstairs.

0:15:120:15:14

I represent her now, darling.

0:15:140:15:16

We're working up a little set for the Albert Hall.

0:15:160:15:18

"Durand Sings."

0:15:180:15:20

That's shut you up, hasn't it? Hmm?

0:15:210:15:23

Shut you up, hasn't it?

0:15:240:15:26

Bubble, have you called all the people?

0:15:260:15:29

I want it in all the national papers, all the gay press. We'll have a listening party -

0:15:290:15:33

a private soiree for the critics round at my house.

0:15:330:15:35

Worldwide coverage, television interviews. Stop press!

0:15:350:15:38

Or shall I just Twitter?

0:15:380:15:40

Yeah, that should do it.

0:15:410:15:43

-Oh, dear.

-Darling, darling, darling.

0:15:430:15:45

She's here, she's here, she's here. Jeanne Durand, Jeanne Durand.

0:15:450:15:48

CRASH!

0:15:480:15:50

Miss Durand.

0:15:520:15:54

Here, Miss Durand, Miss Durand, Miss Durand.

0:15:540:15:57

Miss Durand, Miss Durand.

0:15:570:15:59

Saffy, this is Jeanne Durand. Saffy.

0:16:020:16:04

This is my daughter, Saffron. Jeanne Durand.

0:16:040:16:07

Madame, vous etes magnifique

0:16:070:16:09

et j'ai tous vos films sur une etagere speciale dans ma chambre.

0:16:090:16:13

Go away, go away.

0:16:130:16:16

This is...this is my mother who's just leaving.

0:16:160:16:19

-Of course, it's Nick Rhodes!

-It's not Nick Rhodes.

0:16:200:16:23

-He'll be wearing that eye shadow till the day he dies.

-Stop it.

0:16:260:16:29

Go, go, go.

0:16:290:16:30

-Patsy, get her something, get her something.

-French breakfast.

0:16:300:16:34

-Yes.

-Nicotine macchiato.

-There we go.

0:16:340:16:36

-So, dites-moi...

-Yes, dites-moi.

0:16:390:16:41

When do we work? I like to work. How long do we have?

0:16:410:16:44

-Just under a week.

-Nearly a week.

0:16:440:16:45

-Good, good, so we must work hard.

-We must work hard.

0:16:450:16:48

-Work, work, work.

-Work, work, work.

0:16:480:16:50

I love to work.

0:16:500:16:51

-I love to work. Yes, we must work.

-DOOR BUZZER

0:16:510:16:54

-Who's that?

-Pianist's here.

-Work, work. Oh, pianist is here!

0:16:540:16:57

We could work now. Let's work.

0:16:570:16:58

Later, later.

0:16:580:17:00

-I'm not a machine.

-OK. She's not a machine.

0:17:030:17:05

She's not a machine. Anyway, je suis tres, tres gras, tres gras.

0:17:050:17:09

-No, Mum, don't speak French!

-She is French! That's why I'm speaking French.

0:17:090:17:12

Yes, but you're telling her you're a fatty.

0:17:120:17:14

Even in French, the truth will out.

0:17:220:17:25

Oh, thank you very much(!)

0:17:250:17:28

Ah, one of my favourites.

0:17:290:17:33

PIANIST PLAYS: "La Vie En Rose"

0:17:350:17:37

SHE MUMBLES

0:17:450:17:48

PIANO STOPS

0:17:560:17:57

No, no. I will try again. I think it was the wrong key for me.

0:17:590:18:03

PIANO STARTS AGAIN

0:18:060:18:08

(Saffy, Saffy, Saffy, get out, get out, get out, get out.)

0:18:100:18:14

Get out of here. What are you doing? Jeanne is singing.

0:18:140:18:18

-I can't hear anything.

-Well, she's...she's warming up, darling.

0:18:180:18:22

Get out. Get out, get out, get out.

0:18:220:18:24

JEANNE MUMBLES

0:18:240:18:27

Wonderful lyrics.

0:18:340:18:37

Uh-oh!

0:18:380:18:41

Pats, you said she could sing.

0:18:420:18:44

JEANNE MUMBLES

0:18:490:18:51

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

0:18:510:18:54

What now?

0:18:540:18:56

Well, go on, tell her, tell her. She'll take it from you.

0:18:560:19:00

-Jeanne, this is Baby Bunton.

-Emma.

0:19:000:19:03

This is Emma Bunton.

0:19:030:19:06

-Jeanne...I can't hear you.

-Can't hear you.

0:19:060:19:09

That's because I've stopped singing.

0:19:090:19:12

-No...

-No, when you were singing, we couldn't hear.

-Couldn't hear you.

0:19:120:19:18

Well, you know why.

0:19:180:19:20

You are young.

0:19:200:19:21

You spend your life like all the young people with the headphones.

0:19:210:19:25

Whaa, whaa, whaa, whaa, whaa!

0:19:250:19:27

Loud music, everyone walking down the streets starring in their own movie.

0:19:270:19:32

-Oh, God.

-Nobody listens.

0:19:320:19:35

Are you a singer?

0:19:350:19:36

Yes, she's a sort of singer, aren't you, sweetheart?

0:19:360:19:39

I am a singer!

0:19:420:19:44

She is a singer. Well, sing her one of your songs. Go on.

0:19:440:19:47

# Promise I made Promise I made... #

0:19:470:19:50

That...that is Girls Aloud.

0:19:510:19:53

Well, sing her one of your Spicies.

0:19:530:19:55

-DOOR BUZZER

-# Mama, I...

0:19:550:19:58

Oh, no, no. You're shouting at me! That's not singing.

0:19:580:20:01

Oh, for God's sake. Oh, thank God, it's Lulu!

0:20:010:20:05

Thank God for Lulu.

0:20:050:20:08

Thank God!

0:20:080:20:09

-Oh, God.

-You said you had a job for me, right?

0:20:090:20:13

Yeah, darling, this is the job. We've got to get her to sing.

0:20:130:20:17

Yeah, but what do I make out of this?

0:20:170:20:19

Darling, you get champagne. Champagne for Lulu. Get champagne.

0:20:190:20:22

-Cupcakes for Lulu!

-EDDY CHUCKLES WEAKLY

0:20:240:20:27

Money for Lulu.

0:20:270:20:28

-Ah!

-Ah.

0:20:280:20:31

-OK.

-Come on, come on, let Lulu through.

0:20:310:20:34

She needs volume.

0:20:340:20:35

-Oh, I can do that.

-She can do volume.

0:20:350:20:38

Now, let me see. You have to project.

0:20:380:20:40

-You have to push your voice right into the mic.

-I've tried that.

0:20:400:20:44

Will you let me take care of this?

0:20:440:20:46

I am a little bit more experienced and just a little bit older.

0:20:460:20:49

Uh, a lot older!

0:20:490:20:52

So, darling, darling, darling, darling,

0:20:530:20:56

Lulu, Lulu...I've just got to get her to hold the mic closer to her mouth, all right?

0:20:560:21:01

Call yourself professionals, you two! Come on! Come on.

0:21:010:21:04

Can you not smoke? I don't want to die young.

0:21:040:21:07

-Why not die young? Life is so overrated.

-Oh.

0:21:070:21:10

Do you see what I'm working with? Lulu, Lulu,

0:21:100:21:13

I've booked the Albert Hall for her! Yes!

0:21:130:21:17

Jeanne, Lulu is a singer.

0:21:170:21:19

-Yes.

-Shall I sing?

0:21:190:21:21

-Yeah go on.

-All right. Listen.

-LULU BREATHES IN

0:21:210:21:24

Oh, actually, no, no, no, don't, don't.

0:21:240:21:26

No, don't, no, don't.

0:21:260:21:28

-I tried that as well.

-Yeah, we tried that, we tried that.

0:21:300:21:34

-OK.

-Just... Go on.

-Look, look, look, Jeanne,

0:21:340:21:36

they want to hear you,

0:21:360:21:38

-you know? So you've got to give yourself to them.

-No, no, no.

0:21:380:21:41

-When I sing, they come to me.

-Oh, God.

0:21:410:21:44

They'd have to be sitting on your dentures to hear you, that's for sure.

0:21:440:21:47

Look, you've got to sing up.

0:21:490:21:51

You just grab the mic, you sing right into the mic, make a noise.

0:21:510:21:54

-A noise.

-Sing, woman!

-Sing...voice.

-Use your voice and sing!

0:21:540:21:59

-No, no, no, no, no, no. You are killing my muse.

-Oh.

0:21:590:22:02

-What do you think I am, an entertainer?

-Oh, for God's sake.

0:22:020:22:06

Jeanne, Jeanne, Jeanne, Jeanne, Jeanne, Jeanne...

0:22:060:22:10

What?

0:22:100:22:11

You know what. She can't sing, can she?

0:22:110:22:13

Darling, this is work in progress, all right?

0:22:130:22:17

-I think she's deaf.

-Well, I think you're deaf!

0:22:170:22:20

-And I think she's an idiot.

-Well, I think you're an idiot!

0:22:220:22:26

Mum, what are you going to do? You can't let her do this.

0:22:280:22:31

Darling, I'm doing this for you, aren't I? After all you said.

0:22:310:22:34

I'm doing this to make Lola proud. You love Jeanne Durand

0:22:340:22:37

and if I've got Jeanne Durand, I can't be a failure, can I?

0:22:370:22:40

Granny must be doing something right.

0:22:400:22:42

Mum, stop it now.

0:22:420:22:43

No. Where did she go?

0:22:430:22:47

-She's in the cupboard.

-Oh, God.

0:22:470:22:49

Jeanne, it's a cupboard!

0:22:520:22:54

Oh, dear.

0:22:550:22:57

Shut up! Anyway, darling, she'll be all right tomorrow. I've put her to bed now.

0:22:570:23:01

No, she won't.

0:23:010:23:03

Well, then I'll change the name of the show.

0:23:030:23:05

Oh, to what?

0:23:050:23:07

Jeanne Durand Talking Songs.

0:23:080:23:10

You'll be a laughing stock.

0:23:100:23:13

-No, I've got till tomorrow evening, sweetheart.

-Afternoon.

0:23:130:23:16

-Evening.

-Afternoon.

0:23:160:23:18

You've got the listening party

0:23:180:23:20

with all the big critics tomorrow here in the afternoon.

0:23:200:23:23

-Oh, shit.

-Eddy, darling...

-What?

0:23:230:23:26

-I'm your best friend and I've never let you down...

-No, never.

0:23:260:23:29

-..and I've never asked you to do this before. But, no, Eddy, don't do it.

-Oh!

0:23:290:23:33

PIANIST PLAYS

0:23:340:23:36

LOW MURMUR OF CONVERSATIONS

0:23:360:23:38

Cheers, cheers.

0:23:480:23:51

It's amazing that nobody has had this idea before.

0:23:510:23:54

-"Durand Sings."

-Durand Sings, yes.

0:23:540:23:57

Because of course we all remember her as one of the Singing Umbrellas Of Cherbourg.

0:23:570:24:02

Oh, Cherbourg. Yes, yes.

0:24:020:24:03

So, Mark, do you like Jeanne Durand?

0:24:030:24:06

Yeah, I think I first fell in love with her bouche.

0:24:060:24:09

-You've seen her bouche?

-Of course.

0:24:140:24:17

I thought you were a happily married man.

0:24:170:24:19

Ladies and gentlemen, Edina Monsoon presents...

0:24:350:24:40

Miss Jeanne Durand.

0:24:400:24:43

PIANO PLAYS

0:24:430:24:47

Thank you. Thank you.

0:24:520:24:55

Well, let me just say...

0:24:550:24:59

I'm not an actor.

0:24:590:25:00

I am.

0:25:010:25:03

I'm not a singer.

0:25:030:25:05

I am song.

0:25:050:25:07

I don't smoke.

0:25:120:25:13

I am a cigarette.

0:25:140:25:16

Yeah, all right, all right. Jeanne, Miss Jeanne Durand.

0:25:160:25:20

-I'm not a photograph...

-Oh, for God's sake.

-..I'm a painting by Matisse.

0:25:210:25:25

Just start, just start.

0:25:250:25:27

# Ne me quitte pas

0:25:310:25:35

# Il faut oublier

0:25:350:25:38

# Tout peut s'oublier

0:25:380:25:41

# Qui s'enfuit deja

0:25:410:25:43

# Oublier le temps

0:25:430:25:45

# Des malentendus

0:25:450:25:47

# Et le temps perdu

0:25:470:25:50

# A savoir comment

0:25:500:25:53

# Oublier ces heures

0:25:530:25:55

# Qui tuaient parfois

0:25:550:25:57

# A coups de pourquoi

0:25:570:26:00

# Le coeur du bonheur

0:26:000:26:03

# Ne me quitte pas

0:26:040:26:07

# Ne me quitte pas

0:26:070:26:09

# Ne me quitte pas

0:26:090:26:12

# Ne me quitte pas. #

0:26:120:26:16

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:26:160:26:18

< Encore!

0:26:200:26:21

Fabulous, fabulous.

0:26:260:26:28

I know.

0:26:280:26:29

Next stop, Carnegie Hall.

0:26:290:26:31

I'm taking new management.

0:26:310:26:33

BUBBLE SOBS

0:26:330:26:35

Oh, just take it, just take it. I don't care.

0:26:400:26:44

BUBBLE LAUGHS MANIACALLY

0:26:440:26:46

Oh, don't worry. It's all right, I'm not proud of myself, darling,

0:26:530:26:56

-it's all right.

-It's OK.

-What?

0:26:560:26:58

I know what you're going to say, darling! Yeah.

0:26:580:27:00

Why would Lola ever want to know an idiot like this? But I tried, didn't I, sweetheart? I tried.

0:27:000:27:05

Mum, I'm... SAFFY SOBS

0:27:050:27:08

What, what?

0:27:080:27:09

Oh, no, no, sweetheart. Ah, la, la, la. Darling.

0:27:090:27:12

I understand. It's fine, it's fine.

0:27:120:27:15

No, Mum, I'm the one who's not good enough.

0:27:150:27:18

-I'm the one.

-What?

0:27:180:27:19

I just made it your fault because I...

0:27:190:27:22

couldn't cope with the guilt about Jane.

0:27:220:27:25

-I'm a terrible mother.

-Oh...

0:27:250:27:27

-I'm sorry I made it your fault.

-Oh, darling. Come on, sweetheart.

0:27:270:27:31

This is all a bit psychological, isn't it, sweetheart, eh?

0:27:310:27:36

Come on, everything is my fault, darling.

0:27:360:27:38

Everything is my fault, isn't it? No damage done.

0:27:380:27:41

Well, there's a French woman about to give a mute concert at the Carnegie Hall.

0:27:410:27:45

That's all right.

0:27:460:27:47

New York gays are very forgiving.

0:27:470:27:50

They are, they are.

0:27:500:27:52

Oh, darling.

0:27:520:27:54

Oh, sweetheart.

0:27:540:27:56

Oh, hugs, hugs, hugs.

0:27:560:27:58

Oh, darling.

0:27:580:27:59

Awww!

0:28:020:28:05

-Come on, Eddy, we're going to Mahiki's.

-Oh, great.

0:28:050:28:08

EDDY CHUCKLES

0:28:080:28:10

-Is it a club?

-Yes, it...

0:28:100:28:12

Do you want to come?

0:28:200:28:21

-No.

-No.

-No.

0:28:210:28:22

# Wheel's on fire

0:28:260:28:28

# Rolling down the road

0:28:280:28:34

# Best notify my next of kin

0:28:340:28:38

# This wheel shall explode... #

0:28:380:28:45

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:460:28:49

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:490:28:52

In this special episode of the award-winning sitcom, Edina tries to prove that she has still got it. And will a new client destroy her relationship with Saffy, or make it stronger?