Episode 4 Ask Rhod Gilbert


Episode 4

Fern Britton, Adam Hills and Katy Brand join Rhod Gilbert, Greg Davies and Lloyd Langford in the comedic search for answers to some more of the world's most intriguing questions.


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Transcript


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'Tonight on Ask Rhod Gilbert, our special guests are:

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'she's quite a character - it's Katy Brand!

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'And Australia's finest - Adam Hills.

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'They're here every week - it's Greg Davies.

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'And Lloyd Langford.

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'Ladies and gentlemen, Ask Rhod Gilbert!'

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello! Welcome. Yes, my name is Rhod Gilbert and I find the answers to questions that keep us all awake.

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Questions like why don't pubs and restaurants leave chips alone?

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Chips work just fine. Stop messing with them. "Triple-cooked."

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So what? Get a better chef who can nail it first time.

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"Hand-cut." No, they're not, unless you have Bruce Lee and Edward Scissorhands!

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And if they are hand-cut, who does your curly fries? Abu Hamza?

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Just because you arranged my chips like a game of Jenga, don't think I haven't noticed there's only four.

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I'm not an idiot. Do you think I'd be happy with only 15 peas in a mini-snooker triangle?

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I've got nothing against thick-cut chips, but we'll have to cut them up to make potatoes! On with the show.

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APPLAUSE

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In a world full of uncertainty, we need someone with credibility to help us find answers.

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As always, we begin by asking who is tonight's authenticator?

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She got her fingers all green when she hosted That's Gardening.

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LAUGHTER

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She was the first host of Ready, Steady, Cook.

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APPLAUSE

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She's the high priestess of daytime television. Text us if you know the answer to today's big-money quiz

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if you think today's authenticator is a) Concorde?

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b) Robert Mugabe's stapler?

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Or c) Fern Britton?

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Yes, if you texted c) you're right! Tonight's authenticator is queen of the comfy couch, Fern Britton!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello!

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Welcome.

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-Thank you for joining us.

-Pleasure.

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I read recently that you are all for growing old disgracefully.

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There's a hell of a lot of life after 35 and just because you're over 50 doesn't mean there's no life left.

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So that's why I'm here, trying to enjoy myself anyway. APPLAUSE

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You've been having tattoos.

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I did, yeah. Why does that cause a stir? Middle-aged woman has tattoo.

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-Yeah, I did it at Christmas.

-Can we...?

-No!

-Right.

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-LAUGHTER

-Really?

-Yeah. Katy's got them.

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I've got them. I've got an anchor and a butterfly.

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-One on each wrist.

-Is that for the butter?

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LAUGHTER

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-Is it a shopping list?

-Yes, it is! A friend of mine...

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-Have you got any tattoos, Adam?

-Nothing. I want to know what Fern's got.

-Yeah, back to you, Fern.

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-Well, you know, Rhod. You've seen them.

-I have. That's why I want you to get them out!

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-Give us a cheer if you want to see Fern's tattoos.

-LOUD CHEER

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No...

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It's only two little butterflies. That was it.

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-How are you going to help us tonight?

-By authenticating

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-and researching any answers to any questions that come up.

-Wonderful.

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When I think we finally have an answer, I will do this.

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-Adam, have you learnt anything recently?

-I have learnt that I am accidentally racist.

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-LAUGHTER

-How can you be an accidental racist?

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I host a music quiz on Australian TV, named after a Bee Gees song - Spicks and Specks.

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It's a song about your memory.

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And iTunes in America censored the title because they decided that Spicks was a racist term

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for Hispanic people, so I host a racist TV show.

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Political correctness gone mad. My quiz show was banned as well - All Australians Are Convicts.

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LAUGHTER

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Katy, have you learnt anything recently?

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Apparently, in an average bar of chocolate, there are around eight separate parts of insects.

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GROANS

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Did you see that woman in the paper that had bought something online with an unidentified spider in it?

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-Nobody knows what it is.

-My nightmare. An unidentifiable surprise spider in something.

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-It wasn't a surprise spider.

-Wasn't it?

-It goes...

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LAUGHTER

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I'm not sure it'd be necessarily that camp, a spider. "Hiya!"

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Right, let's crack on with the show. Who wants to know what? Who have we got? Rupert Murdoch.

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LAUGHTER

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England's cricketers. Let's have a question.

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Jamie Oliver.

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Oh, no...!

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Well, no, it's not true. She's never actually used breast milk.

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Getting your breasts in a picture of Beef Wellington doesn't count.

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You could photograph your old boy next to a sponge pudding, but it wouldn't make it a Spotted Dick.

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Let's look at what's next. It's our A Famous Face Asks round. Who wants to know what tonight?

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Oh, it's little Warwick Davis! What does he want?

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Hi, Rhod. Human beings are a very diverse race,

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from people like myself to massive, tall, ugly, weird freaks like Greg Davies.

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So, can you tell me, have we stopped evolving?

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The first reference to me being disgusting. Good(!)

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Could you introduce Warwick Davis in a slightly more patronising way?

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"It's little Warwick Davis!"

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-That's a very good question. Have we stopped evolving? Fern, find out for us.

-Yes, I will.

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Thank you. What do we think, panel? If you could evolve one thing, what would you evolve?

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-Lloyd?

-I would evolve gills.

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-Mm, you're nodding, Katy.

-I'd say the same - gills.

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-Why?

-To breathe under water! >

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Yes, to breathe under water. LAUGHTER

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-APPLAUSE

-Fair enough. Fair enough.

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-What would you evolve, Adam?

-I'd evolve a little pouch on my body for carrying a mobile phone.

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-Really.

-God!

-I've got one of those.

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LAUGHTER

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In a limitless world of possibilities, what would you evolve? A belt clip, essentially.

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It's cos I'm Australian. I just went, "Pouch!"

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-What would you evolve, Fern?

-Torches on the end of my fingers.

-That's more like it!

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-Of all the things...?

-I'm always losing things. Under the bed, down the side of the car.

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Just where you can't see. A source of light in those nooks and crannies.

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But if you had a pouch on your body, you wouldn't have lost them.

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Just saying. I'm just saying.

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Young people now are replacing... The thumb is the new forefinger.

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Young people are pointing with their thumbs.

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-Young people press doorbells with their thumb, not their forefinger.

-No, they don't.

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I have to put my spoke in here and back you up, Rhod.

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Thumb dexterity has improved so much in recent years that some teenagers point with their thumbs,

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ring doorbells with their thumbs

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and it seems the increased use of hand-held gadgets is prompting rapid changes

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-that would normally occur over many decades.

-Kaboom!

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LAUGHTER

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-I've never seen anyone point with their thumb.

-You don't hang out with kids on street corners.

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They go, "Hey, look over there."

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Here's a question for you. Why are there still monkeys if we've evolved from monkeys?

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-Because some monkeys...

-Some didn't evolve.

-Will these monkeys ever become humans?

-No.

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And if they become humans, what will become monkeys? Crows?

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No, because there's one strand of primate or ape that became human,

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but some of the apes didn't develop human characteristics, so they didn't evolve as humans.

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-They were quite good at being apes.

-Get to the point - will a crow become a monkey?

-No!

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Never. Crows will never be monkeys.

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-Can we have another fact?

-Yes. If you're somebody who forgets people's names...

-I am.

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According to the theoretical physicist Dr Michio Kaku,

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-100 years from now we will have...

-Belt clips!

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..the internet embedded in contact lenses with face recognition software

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so when we meet someone, the lenses will remind us who they are

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and show us their biography and translate their words into subtitles.

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So all conversation will disappear? You go on a date. "Hello." "Hello."

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-"I know everything about you."

-LAUGHTER

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You get a slow internet connection. "Hello."

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"Sorry. Still downloading."

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"What are you doing?" Buffering.

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I think we should do that now. Everyone in the world should have a name badge on permanently.

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That is not the same. This vision of the world is not simply B&Q.

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This is the internet in your eyes, not somebody with a name badge.

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-- No, but it's small steps. - It's quicker.

-Very small steps.

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-In 100 years, everyone will have a name badge. That's not...

-I mean now! Not in 100 years.

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-I always forget people's names, right?

-I do, too.

-If everyone wore a name badge, that would help.

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What if you don't want people to know your name? Have a protective flap...

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LAUGHTER

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..controlled by a lever. If you want them to know your name, pull the lever...

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-Fern, do you have any more information?

-I've got the answer here.

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You can talk to a Fellow of the Royal Society, Professor Mark Pagel from the University of Reading,

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and he is on the line for you now.

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-Hello.

-Hello. How are you?

-Well, thank you.

-Thanks for coming on.

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We're discussing whether evolution continues or has ceased.

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-Can you shed any light on it for us?

-The answer is that we are still evolving, definitely.

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-There's probably strong selection for physical attractiveness.

-We'll get better looking?

-Yeah.

-Cool!

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-In my lifetime?

-Em... We can hope.

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There's every reason to believe we're becoming less violent...

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-Have you ever been out on a Saturday night?

-It's the people in jail.

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-Cos of people in jail?

-Well...

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Society increasingly punishes anti-social behaviour. Probably over the last 1,000 years we've become

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-less aggressive, less violent.

-Because people are in jail, they're not reproducing, so...?

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Exactly. You can't reproduce. You don't find many women in jail.

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Doesn't that make us, in evolutionary terms, at risk of... alien attack?

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LAUGHTER

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-The pressing question in the studio is...

-Will a crow ever become a monkey?

-Yes!

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I've an answer for that one - definitely not.

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Thank you very much, Prof Pagel. I'll take that as an answer.

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APPLAUSE

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So, Warwick Davis, you asked, "Have we stopped evolving?" No!

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I'm going to award that round to Katy because she sounds like she knows what she's talking about.

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-I get a point?

-You're well in the lead.

-Thank you.

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-Can I get a point as well?

-Yeah.

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-My point is somewhat devalued.

-I'll just give you another point.

-Oh, good!

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2-1. Let's see who else has a question for us tonight.

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Oh, it's Andy Murray! Scotland's favourite.

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Scotland's favourite. Let's have a look at what he wants to know.

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-Yes, I have - Ticketmaster.

-LAUGHTER

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I was going to give him a tip - take those oranges out of his mouth.

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No, that's where he keeps the...

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-Before they serve, they get two.

-He's just spat one out, look!

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LAUGHTER

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-Adam, in a previous life you were a tennis coach, weren't you?

-I was a tennis coach.

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-What would you say to him, then?

-Yeah.

-Let's role play. I'll be him.

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-If you were Andy Murray, this is what I'd say to you.

-Oh?

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You're number four in the world. That's pretty freaking good.

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-People should get off your back.

-APPLAUSE

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-Yeah, everyone!

-LAUGHTER

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Emile Heskey? I don't know anything about football.

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Michael Phelps. What does he want to know?

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Well, by the expression on your face, just long enough.

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Louis Walsh.

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Oh, hang on. I can see our friend of the show Kim Jong-il coming up! We always have a question.

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What does he want to know?

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It's time to see what we've got next. Questions from around the world.

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Let's see who wants to know what. A pipe band. What do they want?

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Hi, Rhod. Playing bagpipes is hard work. You need stamina and skill.

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My question for you is what's the easiest job in the world?

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My question for you is why are you Australian?!

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I was not expecting that!

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In Scotland, a guy with a wobble board is going, "This is grrreat!"

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Adam...

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-Yes?

-What did you want to be when you grew up?

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Honestly, I couldn't decide whether to be a clown or a journalist.

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Those were honestly my two choices.

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I know. And now, thanks to Rupert Murdoch, you can do both.

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Fern, what did you want to be?

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I wanted to be a dolphin trainer.

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- Weren't you born in West London? - There aren't many dolphins.

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And that is what thwarted me.

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-What did you want to be, Lloyd?

-I wanted to be an actor.

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Seriously? I'm not sure you've quite got any emotional range, have you?

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That was the thing. I can't sing or dance.

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And you haven't got any expressions in your face whatsoever. You're like a child stuck under a frozen lake.

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LAUGHTER

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I... LAUGHTER CONTINUES

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You've lived in my flat for seven years. Every day I look at you and think, "What does he look like?"

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It's a child looking up from under a frozen lake.

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I was hoping to convey my emotions by a name flap.

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Lloyd, I've got a game for you. Katy, look away. An expression will come up on the screen.

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Lloyd must communicate it to you using his face.

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-Lloyd, learn what it is.

-It's only one word. I think I'll remember.

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LAUGHTER

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He's cocky. He's confident, ladies and gentlemen.

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Right, learn your word. Those are your lines.

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You have to communicate it with your "expressiony" face to Fern and Katy.

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-Can I chip in?

-By all means, yes.

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"Mum, help me! I'm stuck under the ice!"

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Is it "happy"?

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-APPLAUSE

-Oh, one out of one!

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OK, let's have expression two

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for Lloyd to communicate to Katy, please.

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I'm like John Gielgud.

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Stuck under a frozen lake!

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-Oh, um...

-Cold?

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LAUGHTER

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Is it "grumpy"?

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Are you having a poo?

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But apart from that, with the face?

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You're having a sad poo. Is that it? APPLAUSE

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-Sad? What was it, Lloyd?

-Sadness.

-Sadness, OK. Expression number three.

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Off you go, Lloyd.

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If you were in a bar and Lloyd was doing that, what would you think?

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I would think he was saying, "Let's go up on the roof and do it."

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Not far off. "In a hotel bar you meet two women

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"and would like to invite one of them to your room, but not the other one."

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-Lloyd's acting, ladies and gentlemen. Very well done.

-APPLAUSE

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Let's have another fact, Fern.

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If you had to pick the easiest job in the world and you saw the following,

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you might think you'd hit the jackpot. Take a look.

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LAUGHTER

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That's pretty straightforward.

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I met a guy who I reckon had the easiest job in the world.

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He was working as a photographer's assistant on a fashion photo shoot

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and all his job was for this particular day was to put tape over the nipples of the models,

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so they weren't erect during the photos.

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That's not a full-time job.

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No, you'd have to take time off every three and a half minutes.

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-I've got an easier job than that.

-What?

-Doctor on Death Row.

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If you make a mistake, what's the worst that can happen?

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Fern, are we any closer to finding an answer?

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Yes, this is an answer. According to the job agency CareerCast,

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the easiest job in the world or the least stressful is an audiologist

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who is someone who treats hearing problems. The most stressful job is an airline pilot.

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-I will take that as an answer.

-APPLAUSE

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You asked what the easiest job in the world is - it's an audiologist,

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but we all know that the easiest job in the world really is a Geordie cloakroom attendant.

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And I'm awarding that round to Lloyd for his wonderful acting skills.

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APPLAUSE

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Next it is time for my quick-fire round, The Audience Asks.

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I'll get through as many questions as I can before we hear this noise.

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'Three, two, one, stop cooking!'

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You don't get the answer button with this round. We just get this bell.

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RINGS

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So it is the quick-fire round.

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Who's first? It's Gabby Lovatt. Where are you, Gabby Lovatt?

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-Stand up, so I can see you. Hello!

-Hi!

-Hello!

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If you put boiling hot water into a thermal flask, then put it in the freezer, does it stay hot or freeze?

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What ultimately happens is your boyfriend leaves you.

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-BELL RINGS

-"Your boyfriend leaves you."

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Avril Kinsella. Hello, Avril. What's your question?

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What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

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LAUGHTER

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Rhod, I think I can demonstrate this.

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For those who don't know what's going on, I have an artificial foot.

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-You can demonstrate this?

-Your chair would face the other way.

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You'd sit down on it like this

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and your foot would stick up.

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There's not many shows where that demonstration could have happened. Claire Brown, what's your question?

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What do the French say when something seems familiar?

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I think someone asked that last week.

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What do the French... What do you mean, what do the French say when something familiar happens to them?

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-We say "deja vu".

-So do they. They're French. What are you on about?

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Philip McFeally. Where is Philip McFeally? Hello, Philip.

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-The question is...

-Have you stolen my Phillip Schofield wig?

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-How many ants would you need to take out Lennox Lewis?

-To take out Lennox Lewis?

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Say we're in a nuclear bunker, Lennox Lewis is going to press the button,

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no-one can get in, but there is an anthill. How many?

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That's quite a specific scenario you've painted there.

0:23:150:23:20

Ants are remarkably strong, probably the strongest, pound for pound, in the animal kingdom.

0:23:200:23:25

How many would it take to carry out Lennox Lewis?

0:23:250:23:29

One of my aunts is 25 stone. She'd take him out.

0:23:290:23:32

'Three, two, one, stop cooking!'

0:23:330:23:36

Time is up, but I think we did pretty well there.

0:23:360:23:39

I'm going to award that round to Adam for a remarkable demonstration.

0:23:390:23:44

APPLAUSE

0:23:440:23:46

We've answered nearly all our questions for this week, but there is time for one more.

0:23:500:23:56

It's Our Special Guest Asks round.

0:23:560:23:58

-Katy, do you have a question for us this week?

-Well, I do.

-Good.

0:23:580:24:03

You know, I go to meetings from time to time and I like to shake hands in meetings.

0:24:030:24:10

It's got me thinking - why do we shake hands at all? What is the history to it?

0:24:100:24:15

-Why do we shake hands, Fern? See what you can find out.

-Yeah.

0:24:150:24:19

When politicians have to do a lot of hand-shaking, they get incredibly painful sores on their hands.

0:24:190:24:26

-And the Queen...

-The Queen has shaken hands over a million times.

0:24:260:24:30

She always wears gloves. You never see the Queen out without gloves.

0:24:300:24:34

She does not want to have skin-to-skin contact with so many people.

0:24:340:24:39

Also, she's an amateur snooker referee.

0:24:390:24:42

Do you know what? I'm meeting her tomorrow.

0:24:420:24:45

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

0:24:450:24:48

-Are you meeting the Queen tomorrow?

-I am. At Buckingham Palace.

-How come?

0:24:480:24:52

-There's a reception for Australians in England. I'm genuinely...

-Whoa!

0:24:520:24:57

I've put in 42 years in this country and you, just for being over here, get to meet the Queen.

0:24:570:25:03

He's organised a snooker match at her house!

0:25:030:25:06

-What do you mean, Australians in Britain?

-A specific reception tomorrow for Australians in Britain.

0:25:060:25:12

How many of you? Thousands? Are all the bars going to shut?

0:25:120:25:16

It's a trick, you know. It's to get you all back in prison.

0:25:180:25:22

-I've actually met her before.

-Oh, you're old friends!

0:25:220:25:26

Whatever! She had come round, then Prince Philip came round directly after her.

0:25:260:25:32

-She came round to your house?

-It was a royal line-up and she came all the way round.

0:25:320:25:37

Then Prince Philip came up to me, looked down at my feet and went...

0:25:370:25:42

HE SNIGGERS

0:25:420:25:44

I love him for this. He just had this big grin on his face that said, "I've got one. I've got a good one."

0:25:440:25:50

"You fly home tomorrow?" "Yes, Your Highness."

0:25:500:25:53

"You could smuggle something out of the country in that leg of yours."

0:25:530:25:58

-Really?

-Really.

-APPLAUSE

0:26:000:26:03

-Really.

-I'll tell you an interesting one about greetings as well.

0:26:030:26:07

In Papua New Guinea, they don't shake hands.

0:26:070:26:11

When you walk into a meeting, you tickle each other's genitals.

0:26:110:26:16

-Really?

-And which particular genitals are you tickling?

0:26:170:26:22

If you went to a meeting, you'd go, "Hello, how do you do," then you go round the room and...

0:26:220:26:28

-This is clearly one of your made-up facts.

-No, it isn't.

0:26:280:26:32

I'll back you up, Rhod. It says here, "There are other alternatives to the handshake.

0:26:320:26:38

"In Papua New Guinea, some tribes exchange greetings by clasping each other's genitals."

0:26:380:26:44

You were wrong. It's not a tickle. It's a firm clasp.

0:26:440:26:47

Not in the meeting I was in.

0:26:480:26:51

John McCririck shakes hands with women like this. I'll show you with the left hand.

0:26:510:26:57

-Who does this?

-John McCririck.

0:26:570:26:59

As he comes at you with his hand, he tucks this hand in the palm

0:26:590:27:03

and when he gets your hand in his, he tickles the palm of your hand with his finger.

0:27:030:27:08

-That's a Masonic handshake.

-Is that Masonic?

-It's just McCririck!

0:27:080:27:12

-Did you know that "hello" didn't exist before telephones?

-Yes.

-That's true.

0:27:140:27:19

-Alexander Graham Bell wanted it to be "ahoy-hoy".

-Yes.

0:27:190:27:23

-Thomas Edison wanted it to be "hello".

-Before that, nobody said anything.

0:27:230:27:27

They picked the phone up and they were silent for so long...

0:27:270:27:31

Lionel Richie's first hit was...

0:27:310:27:34

LAUGHTER

0:27:340:27:36

Why do we shake hands? Lloyd, what do you think?

0:27:360:27:40

I think in the olden days you shook hands

0:27:400:27:43

to check how many fingers the other person had.

0:27:430:27:47

If they only have two fingers, then you instantly know they're, uh...

0:27:470:27:52

careless.

0:27:520:27:54

You can tell a lot about people from the amount of fingers they've got.

0:27:560:28:01

They're either careless or accident-prone.

0:28:010:28:04

So, for example, if you're, if you're...

0:28:040:28:08

LAUGHTER

0:28:090:28:11

Hang on. There's a question from Mr Clumsy.

0:28:110:28:15

-How did you lose your foot, just out of interest?

-It was a shark.

0:28:170:28:22

-It wasn't a shark.

-No, it wasn't a shark.

0:28:220:28:24

-No, I just lost a foot. There's no...

-You were born without it?

0:28:240:28:29

-Yeah.

-How clumsy are you!

0:28:290:28:32

LAUGHTER

0:28:320:28:34

Dear God!

0:28:350:28:37

Here's one theory that makes a bit of sense, but it doesn't really when you interrogate it.

0:28:390:28:45

I have heard the one that people say, "You shake hands because it comes from the olden days

0:28:450:28:51

"when it was a way of finding out whether the other person had a weapon."

0:28:510:28:57

Surely, going like that would be a much better way of establishing if the other person had a weapon.

0:28:570:29:03

When the police surround a house, you never hear them shouting, "Come out and shake hands with everyone!"

0:29:030:29:09

I don't think you'd be able to work out if someone was carrying a weapon just from shaking their hand.

0:29:100:29:16

You just know. I just know when someone's up to no good.

0:29:160:29:20

Ever since I was a teacher, I know when a kid or anyone walks into a room,

0:29:200:29:25

and they're up to no good, I know!

0:29:250:29:28

-You think you've got a sixth sense?

-I genuinely do.

0:29:280:29:31

-We can test this spurious boast of yours.

-Yeah? How?

0:29:310:29:35

Let's go to the lab.

0:29:350:29:38

Greg, welcome to the lab. Tonight, we have a very scientific experiment

0:29:420:29:47

to determine whether you do, as you boldly claimed, have a sixth sense.

0:29:470:29:52

Four panellists are stood around this circle. Two of them will have a weapon and two won't.

0:29:520:29:57

You have a 50/50 chance of getting it right.

0:29:570:30:00

-If you do, you hear this noise...

-FANFARE

0:30:000:30:03

-..and receive a point. If you get it wrong, you'll be punished.

-Right.

0:30:030:30:08

-I'm going to start spinning you now.

-Hey!

0:30:080:30:11

-Agh!

-Do you think this person has a weapon?

-No, I don't.

0:30:130:30:18

-You're absolutely right. One point.

-APPLAUSE

0:30:180:30:21

You get one point and we're off.

0:30:210:30:24

-Do you think this person has a weapon?

-Yes, I think this person has a weapon.

-You're absolutely right.

0:30:240:30:30

-APPLAUSE

-He has got the sixth sense.

0:30:300:30:34

We have two of you with weapons. Do you think this person has a weapon?

0:30:340:30:38

-Yes, I think this person has a weapon.

-You're wrong.

0:30:380:30:42

-He doesn't have a weapon.

-Eugh!

-Oh, no.

-What?

0:30:420:30:45

It's a terrible thing, this. The sixth sense left you for a brief moment there.

0:30:450:30:51

-Do you think this person has a weapon?

-No, I don't.

0:30:510:30:54

-What...? Oh!

-Unlucky. You were wrong, Greg.

0:30:550:30:59

The vibe left you for a minute. Do you think this person has a weapon?

0:30:590:31:04

-Yes, they have a weapon.

-Correct.

0:31:040:31:07

APPLAUSE

0:31:070:31:09

-Reload. Do you think this person has a weapon, Greg?

-No, I don't think this person has a weapon.

0:31:090:31:15

APPLAUSE

0:31:150:31:18

Unlucky, Greg.

0:31:180:31:20

-The feeling left you. Do you think this person has a weapon?

-No, they haven't.

0:31:200:31:26

-APPLAUSE

-Yet again they did have a weapon, Greg. They did have a weapon.

0:31:270:31:32

Do you think this person has a weapon, Greg?

0:31:320:31:35

No, they haven't got a weapon.

0:31:350:31:38

Again you're absolutely...

0:31:380:31:40

wrong!

0:31:400:31:41

APPLAUSE

0:31:410:31:43

They did have a weapon. Do you think this person has a weapon, Greg?

0:31:440:31:49

-No, they haven't got a weapon.

-Oh, God!

0:31:490:31:52

-Once again...

-APPLAUSE

0:31:520:31:55

Now, ladies and gentlemen, do you think Greg does have a sixth sense?

0:31:570:32:02

LAUGHTER

0:32:020:32:04

Like a man who has any special powers? Unless you're Trifle Man!

0:32:040:32:09

To be fair, he was blindfolded.

0:32:090:32:11

-And you're not normally blindfolded in real life.

-No, I'm not.

0:32:110:32:15

You did say when you walked into a room, you could see if a child was misbehaving in your teaching days.

0:32:150:32:21

We'll give you one last chance. Let's take somebody in the audience.

0:32:210:32:25

Do you think that woman with the red hair has a weapon?

0:32:250:32:29

-Think carefully.

-I'll play this logically as if this was scientific and fair.

-It is.

0:32:290:32:34

She's a member of the audience. Of course she hasn't got a weapon.

0:32:340:32:38

I'm afraid, Greg...

0:32:380:32:40

Oh, God, you're completely wrong there. I'm afraid you're wrong.

0:32:410:32:46

She does have a weapon.

0:32:460:32:48

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:32:480:32:52

So, the question was - why do we shake hands?

0:33:050:33:09

Oh, yeah, I think we've got an answer to that(!)

0:33:110:33:14

And according to Professor William Chaplin from St John's University in New York,

0:33:150:33:21

a handshake is often the very first impression a person makes on us,

0:33:210:33:26

so we shake hands because it provides a quick first assessment of the person we meet.

0:33:260:33:31

There's your answer, Greg.

0:33:310:33:34

-Press the answer button.

-Certainly.

0:33:340:33:36

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:33:380:33:40

And I am awarding that round to...

0:33:400:33:45

to Lloyd. I'm awarding that round to Lloyd

0:33:450:33:48

-because I just can.

-APPLAUSE

0:33:480:33:50

That's pretty much it for tonight.

0:33:520:33:55

If you've got a question, you can tweet #AskRhod on Twitter,

0:33:550:33:59

but for tonight, it's thanks to Katy Brand,

0:33:590:34:03

Adam Hills, Greg Davies and Lloyd Langford and, of course, our authenticator Fern Britton!

0:34:030:34:10

-I'm Rhod Gilbert and you can ask me literally anything. Good night.

-APPLAUSE

0:34:100:34:16

Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd 2011

0:34:380:34:42

Email [email protected]

0:34:420:34:45

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