Food Badults


Food

Similar Content

Browse content similar to Food. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript


LineFromTo

# Always fooling around When we were young

0:00:020:00:05

# Time flies so fast

0:00:050:00:07

# When you're having fun

0:00:070:00:09

# Don't wanna get old

0:00:100:00:13

# I never wanna grow up. # CRASH

0:00:130:00:15

TV: 'Is your broth coming to the boil?'

0:00:180:00:19

This programme contains adult humour.

0:00:200:00:23

Yes!

0:00:230:00:25

'Then add the prawns and scallops we pan-seared earlier

0:00:250:00:28

-'and season with parsley.'

-Season with parsley. Right.

0:00:280:00:31

Cooking again, Tom? What's for dinner?

0:00:320:00:35

'At this stage you should not stop stirring, even for a second...'

0:00:350:00:38

Shit-balls!

0:00:380:00:39

Shit-balls? Eugh!

0:00:410:00:43

Still, can't taste much worse than your Bolognese.

0:00:430:00:45

Well, I had an exciting day.

0:00:460:00:48

I colour-coordinated my calendar.

0:00:480:00:50

Red for work events, blue for house chores,

0:00:500:00:53

green for socialising.

0:00:530:00:55

Giving blood isn't socialising.

0:00:550:00:57

It's going for a pint!

0:00:570:00:59

With this diary system, I'll never forget anything ever again.

0:01:000:01:04

Did you remember today was your sister's birthday?

0:01:040:01:07

Shit-balls!

0:01:070:01:09

You've been at work with her all day.

0:01:090:01:11

I know - invite her to dinner,

0:01:110:01:14

tell her you planned it as a surprise.

0:01:140:01:16

Brilliant.

0:01:160:01:17

Well, if this is going to be a birthday banquet,

0:01:170:01:20

then this chowder needs to be sensational.

0:01:200:01:23

CHOWDER SQUELCHES

0:01:230:01:25

And I'm already missing the most vital ingredient.

0:01:250:01:28

'OK, now we move on to the dessert -

0:01:280:01:31

'chocolate gateau.'

0:01:310:01:32

The most vital ingredient.

0:01:320:01:34

Whoa! Tom - nice haircut!

0:01:360:01:39

It's a hat, Ben.

0:01:400:01:42

Look, leave me alone - I need to stay focused.

0:01:420:01:45

'Melt half a bar of dark cooking chocolate into the pan.'

0:01:450:01:48

Chocolate?

0:01:480:01:49

Into a seafood chowder?

0:01:490:01:52

All right.

0:01:520:01:53

DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: 'This incredible housefly has found some solid food

0:01:560:02:01

'but, in order to make it edible,

0:02:010:02:03

'it is necessary to spit or vomit saliva directly onto the food.'

0:02:030:02:09

-Well, in for a penny...

-HE GAGS

0:02:090:02:13

'Once the housefly has feasted...'

0:02:140:02:16

"Housefly"?! Ben!

0:02:160:02:18

You just very nearly ruined my seafood and chocolate chowder.

0:02:180:02:21

Don't blame me, blame Matthew.

0:02:220:02:24

He's the one that signed me up to this bloody course.

0:02:240:02:26

"Home Education Course - Insectology"?

0:02:260:02:30

More like bullshit-ology.

0:02:300:02:32

It worked! Tonight, we're hosting a surprise party.

0:02:370:02:40

-I didn't know about this.

-BOTH: Surprise!

0:02:400:02:42

-Is something burning?

-Shit-balls!

0:02:440:02:47

Shit-balls? But we had them for lunch!

0:02:480:02:51

I'm proud of you for doing this course, Ben.

0:02:510:02:53

Finally, you'll have a qualification,

0:02:530:02:55

be ready to face the world, get out the house,

0:02:550:02:57

put all those years of academic failure behind you.

0:02:570:02:59

What do you mean, "academic failure"?

0:02:590:03:02

Time's up.

0:03:050:03:06

Time's up.

0:03:190:03:20

Time's up.

0:03:280:03:30

HE SIGHS WITH RELIEF

0:03:320:03:35

You get 30 insects, you observe them for a week and record your findings.

0:03:470:03:50

-The tank arrived this morning.

-I get to drive a tank?!

0:03:500:03:54

Oh.

0:03:540:03:55

Still, how hard can it be to just look at something?

0:03:550:03:59

Where are they?

0:04:030:04:04

Stick insects.

0:04:050:04:07

Masters of disguise!

0:04:070:04:08

Good luck, buddy!

0:04:100:04:12

Pfft.

0:04:120:04:13

"Masters of disguise."

0:04:130:04:15

Don't give me that. See, there's one.

0:04:150:04:18

Oh, no, that's a twig.

0:04:180:04:21

Oh! No, that's a twig...

0:04:210:04:24

I'm not going to be able see them with all these bloody sticks in the tank!

0:04:240:04:28

That's better.

0:04:280:04:29

Oh!

0:04:320:04:33

That's the banner. Now for some music.

0:04:470:04:49

How can we only own two CDs?

0:04:510:04:53

Coldplay or Christmas Hits?

0:04:530:04:56

No choice there.

0:04:560:04:57

# Rockin' around the Christmas tree... #

0:05:000:05:03

-It is July but I'm not a

-BLEEP.

0:05:030:05:05

# Mistletoe hung where you can see Every couple tries to stop

0:05:060:05:13

# Rockin' around The Christmas tree... #

0:05:130:05:16

The disco zone is open for business!

0:05:160:05:19

Argh!

0:05:210:05:22

I've found 29 but I think there's one still on the loose.

0:05:220:05:26

I'll keep an eye out. Good work, David Shattenborough.

0:05:270:05:30

How's the food coming along, Tom?

0:05:320:05:33

It tastes awful.

0:05:330:05:35

I don't understand, I followed that cookery show to the letter -

0:05:350:05:38

prawns, scallops,

0:05:380:05:40

chocolate, cherry lip balm.

0:05:400:05:43

-Cherry lip balm?

-Think that bit might have been an advert.

0:05:430:05:46

Look, Rachel's going to be here any minute.

0:05:460:05:49

A single perfect ingredient can utterly transform a dish.

0:05:490:05:51

Just find one of those.

0:05:510:05:53

A single perfect ingredient.

0:05:530:05:56

Right.

0:05:560:05:58

Er...

0:05:580:06:00

Half a can of super-strength cider?

0:06:000:06:03

Lard?

0:06:040:06:06

But if I use those, what are we going to have for dessert?

0:06:060:06:09

Hang on! What's this?

0:06:090:06:11

A cinnamon stick?

0:06:110:06:13

Perfect!

0:06:130:06:15

Oh, and Ben's lost one of his stick insects, so keep an eye out, yeah?

0:06:150:06:19

DOORBELL RINGS

0:06:220:06:23

I knew cinnamon sticks didn't have legs.

0:06:230:06:26

Come on in, birthday girl! Step into the disco zone.

0:06:260:06:30

This is so sweet of you, Matthew. I genuinely thought you'd forgotten.

0:06:330:06:37

-Cocktail?

-Oh, thanks!

0:06:370:06:39

Why are you playing Christmas music?

0:06:390:06:41

It's the only CD I could find apart from Coldplay

0:06:410:06:43

-and I'm not playing that.

-Yeah, you're not a

-BLEEP.

0:06:430:06:46

Thanks for planning a party.

0:06:460:06:48

Andrew's away on a conference but this is perfect.

0:06:480:06:51

Hey, good-looking, check who's cooking.

0:06:510:06:54

-Almost perfect.

-Rachel, happy birt!

0:06:560:07:00

I bought you a present.

0:07:010:07:02

-Aww.

-It's a photo frame.

0:07:020:07:04

Oh, that's really quite...

0:07:040:07:06

Tom, there's a picture of you in it.

0:07:080:07:10

That was in there when I bought it.

0:07:100:07:12

Ah. Found it!

0:07:130:07:16

Ah, no, that's a cinnamon stick.

0:07:160:07:18

Wow. You guys have really made an effort.

0:07:200:07:23

Ben, are you tidying?

0:07:230:07:24

No, I'm trying to observe these bloody stick creatures.

0:07:240:07:28

They don't even look like insects.

0:07:280:07:30

Ben, that's a bowl of Twiglets.

0:07:300:07:32

Damn it!

0:07:330:07:35

You know what, boys? This is going to be fun.

0:07:350:07:38

Just good food...

0:07:380:07:41

-Ta-dah!

-Eugh!

0:07:410:07:42

...a nice drink...

0:07:420:07:44

One hollowed-out orange, filled with gin.

0:07:440:07:47

DOORBELL RINGS

0:07:470:07:49

Basically, a night away from the stresses of work.

0:07:490:07:51

So, no mention of Mr Carabine or Carabine Promotions, OK?

0:07:510:07:56

Happy birthday, Rachel!

0:07:560:07:59

Mr Carabine!

0:07:590:08:00

Look who I invited! Surprise!

0:08:000:08:03

-Can I fetch you a drink, sir?

-Do you do cocktails?

-Of course.

0:08:040:08:07

Then I'll have a hollowed-out orange filled with gin.

0:08:070:08:09

Rachel, I got you a present.

0:08:120:08:15

Oh, you burned me a CD.

0:08:150:08:18

Yes. Coldplay.

0:08:180:08:20

Have you heard of them? They're very good.

0:08:220:08:25

You like Coldplay. What a surprise(!)

0:08:250:08:28

(Tom, surprise.)

0:08:290:08:31

Well, wait just one minute because I've got a big surprise for you.

0:08:310:08:35

-Ooh!

-Now you know how you love ponies?

0:08:350:08:38

Matthew, I'm allergic to ponies.

0:08:400:08:42

SHE SNEEZES

0:08:490:08:51

Ugh. Do you know what? I don't feel so good after all.

0:08:510:08:55

GUNSHOT, PONY WHINNIES

0:08:550:08:57

I think I might just go.

0:09:020:09:05

But, Rachel, this is your party!

0:09:050:09:07

My party?

0:09:070:09:09

Christmas music and dodgy food and my boss?

0:09:090:09:13

You've basically just recreated every horrible office party I've ever been to.

0:09:150:09:19

All I need now is for some sleazy bloke

0:09:190:09:21

to try and get off with me in the stationery cupboard.

0:09:210:09:24

I've got some pencils in my room.

0:09:240:09:26

Sit down, Tom.

0:09:270:09:28

The best present you could have given me today, Matthew,

0:09:320:09:35

was to show you've taken the slightest bit of interest in my life.

0:09:350:09:38

Well, at least stay for us to sing you Happy Birthday. We've been practising!

0:09:380:09:42

# Happy birthday

0:09:420:09:44

# Happy birthday

0:09:440:09:45

# Happy birthday

0:09:450:09:48

ALL: # Rachel... #

0:09:480:09:55

ALL: Ta-dah!

0:09:550:09:58

Well, that was something else.

0:10:000:10:03

Just a pity Rachel didn't stick around to see it.

0:10:030:10:05

Yeah, I still don't get why she left.

0:10:050:10:08

She said it was because you take not a jot of interest in her life.

0:10:080:10:11

Did she? I wasn't really listening.

0:10:110:10:13

Just out of interest, your stick insects, they're not poisonous, are they?

0:10:130:10:17

No. Why do you ask?

0:10:170:10:18

I'm getting fish, I'm getting chocolate, I'm getting cherry lip balm.

0:10:200:10:25

This is... Oh! I love it! This is incredible.

0:10:250:10:27

He's right, Tom, it's delicious.

0:10:270:10:28

Whatever it was you've added, it's transformed the dish.

0:10:280:10:31

There's a secret ingredient, is there? What is it?

0:10:310:10:35

Well, er...

0:10:350:10:36

A good chef never reveals his secr-insects.

0:10:360:10:38

No, no, I mean stick-rets!

0:10:380:10:41

No, I mean secrets.

0:10:410:10:44

You know, I'd go as far as to call this a taste sensation.

0:10:440:10:50

In fact - let me take a sample round for my sister.

0:10:510:10:54

I didn't know you had a sister, sir.

0:10:540:10:55

Oh, yes, yeah, yeah. She writes a food blog, yeah, yeah.

0:10:550:10:58

She's been om-nom-nominated for a Foodie Award.

0:10:580:11:01

Ah, yeah. I'll just zing it round to her now.

0:11:010:11:05

It's a Thursday, so she'll be coming back from netball.

0:11:050:11:09

You see, Matthew, I take time to get to know my sister.

0:11:090:11:13

Yeah? Now, does that make me a better person than you?

0:11:130:11:16

Yes, it does.

0:11:160:11:17

Well, I must away.

0:11:190:11:22

It has been my pleasure. My deepest, darkest pleasure.

0:11:220:11:27

Word up! Goodbye.

0:11:270:11:29

Did you hear that? I know, "Word up"?

0:11:300:11:34

No, "A taste sensation"! Ha!

0:11:340:11:37

I knew my cooking was destined for greatness.

0:11:370:11:40

Well, I suppose I'd better get back to my insects.

0:11:410:11:44

Right, I'll need loads of fish, bags of chocolate,

0:11:440:11:50

tons of cherry lip balm and...

0:11:500:11:53

..about 29 secret ingredients.

0:11:560:12:01

HE LAUGHS EVILLY

0:12:010:12:06

Oh!

0:12:060:12:07

Rachel's right. I don't take enough interest in her life. I just don't know how.

0:12:120:12:16

"You can learn all there is to know about your subject

0:12:160:12:19

"through quiet clinical observation."

0:12:190:12:22

Clinical observation? I could do that.

0:12:220:12:26

I can see you, Rachel!

0:12:280:12:30

-Argh!

-THUD

0:12:300:12:33

"The stick insect will make as little movement as possible

0:12:330:12:37

"in order to blend in with its background and avoid detection."

0:12:370:12:41

Ha. Do you know what, guys?

0:12:410:12:44

I think we've got more in common than I first thought.

0:12:440:12:47

Ben?

0:12:540:12:57

Where's he gone?

0:12:570:12:58

Right.

0:13:190:13:21

Let's take this observation to the next level.

0:13:210:13:23

Rachel's password. Maybe one of our childhood pets.

0:13:230:13:27

"Fluffsy"?

0:13:270:13:29

No.

0:13:290:13:31

"Waffle"?

0:13:310:13:33

No.

0:13:330:13:34

"Password123"?

0:13:350:13:38

-COMPUTER BEEPS

-I'm in.

0:13:380:13:40

Ah, Password123.

0:13:410:13:43

The best goldfish we ever had.

0:13:430:13:45

Now. let's see...

0:13:450:13:47

Brother - Matthew.

0:13:470:13:50

Place of work - Carabine Promotions.

0:13:500:13:52

Yes, yes, this is all good stuff.

0:13:520:13:54

Matthew, what are you doing in here?

0:13:560:13:58

-Can't you see I'm busy?! Piss off!

-OK. Sorry!

0:13:580:14:01

Now, where were we?

0:14:030:14:05

Likes - beach holidays, reading, and her best friends, Helen and Amy.

0:14:050:14:11

Dislikes - being told to piss off.

0:14:110:14:13

-SIGHS

-How was I to know?

0:14:130:14:15

Dude, I think I've made my first scientific observation.

0:14:200:14:24

All of my stick insects have changed colour and grown bulbous red heads.

0:14:240:14:30

Good work, mate, but that tank can't stay there.

0:14:330:14:36

My first customers will be here any minute.

0:14:360:14:38

-Customers?

-Yeah.

0:14:380:14:40

Carabine's sister loved my cooking!

0:14:400:14:43

She gave me five forks out of five on Yumblr.

0:14:430:14:46

So check it out!

0:14:470:14:48

My own pop-up restaurant!

0:14:520:14:55

Pop-up? Like the books you read me at bedtime?

0:14:550:14:58

We'll be serving my signature dish, cherry choc chowder.

0:14:580:15:04

No!

0:15:040:15:05

Whatever you do, do not open that door.

0:15:060:15:09

I'm going to need your help. Go and move your specimens.

0:15:130:15:16

Oh, my stick insects. Dude, they're not just specimens.

0:15:180:15:22

I love those insects. It's like...they're my best friends.

0:15:220:15:26

Apart from you of course, mate.

0:15:280:15:30

Stay strong, Tom.

0:15:330:15:35

You're a top chef now...

0:15:350:15:37

-...and, like all top chefs, you have to be a complete

-BLEEP.

0:15:380:15:43

MUSIC: "Clocks" by Coldplay

0:15:430:15:47

'Right. That's Helen's e-mail hacked.

0:15:490:15:52

'And the tap on Amy's phone line will be up and running in minutes.

0:15:520:15:57

'Now...let me see...'

0:16:000:16:04

'Helen is an old school friend who last contacted Rachel a week ago.

0:16:100:16:14

'Amy took Rachel for lunch on Saturday.

0:16:150:16:18

'The parts of the puzzle are starting to fit together.'

0:16:210:16:25

COMPUTER PINGS

0:16:280:16:30

'What's this? Rachel's got an e-mail.

0:16:300:16:32

'She's going to Zumba tonight!

0:16:320:16:35

'Isn't that in Africa?

0:16:350:16:36

'Ah - it's a keep-fit class.

0:16:370:16:40

'Women only.

0:16:400:16:42

'I guess this is where the trail goes cold.'

0:16:420:16:44

Unless...

0:16:450:16:46

So if we see you in the vicinity of that leisure centre again,

0:16:500:16:52

it will be more than just a caution. Is that clear, sir?

0:16:520:16:55

Yes, yes, I understand.

0:16:550:16:57

Certainly, Mr Edwards.

0:16:570:16:58

I have a lovely table for two by the burst beanbag.

0:16:580:17:01

Ben! Ben!

0:17:010:17:03

Good evening, madam.

0:17:030:17:05

Welcome to the Secret Food Society. Do you have a reservation?

0:17:060:17:10

Ben, it's me.

0:17:100:17:11

I don't care who you are, madam - we're full.

0:17:110:17:15

Although...

0:17:150:17:17

for a good-looking lady like yourself, I may be able to make an exception.

0:17:170:17:21

Matthew! It's you!

0:17:220:17:26

Wow!

0:17:260:17:27

-TOM:

-Service!

0:17:280:17:30

-Ben, get a move on!

-Tom, what's going on here?

0:17:320:17:35

It's make or break time in the kitchen

0:17:360:17:38

and I've got a restaurant full of hungry diners.

0:17:380:17:40

-Who's he talking to?

-He's been like that all afternoon.

0:17:400:17:43

The question is, can I get the food out fast,

0:17:430:17:46

keep the quality high and not lose my temper?

0:17:460:17:49

-(SHOUTS)

-Ben, you arsehole, get to work!

0:17:500:17:53

No! I quit!

0:17:530:17:56

-(SHOUTS)

-Matthew!

-Yes, chef!

0:17:560:17:58

Where are the bowls?

0:17:580:17:59

We only own three bowls.

0:17:590:18:01

Yeah. Real food lovers aren't into bowls, Matthew.

0:18:010:18:06

Ground-breaking food doesn't come in bowls.

0:18:070:18:11

Table three. Go.

0:18:130:18:15

Leave the rest to me.

0:18:150:18:17

Madam!

0:18:190:18:21

You've had your pre-dinner drink.

0:18:210:18:23

Now it's time for the main course.

0:18:250:18:28

Sir, you look hungry.

0:18:320:18:35

Fill your boots!

0:18:390:18:40

Sir, just a ladle bit for you.

0:18:440:18:49

And, madam, you'll be eating out of the palm of my hand.

0:18:500:18:55

Tom, you can't serve food like this!

0:18:580:19:01

Of course.

0:19:010:19:02

I forgot the croutons!

0:19:020:19:04

Croutons!

0:19:060:19:08

Bon appetit!

0:19:080:19:10

-(AS DAVID ATTENBOROUGH)

-I truly feel at one with these incredible insects.

0:19:120:19:17

If only I could communicate with them directly.

0:19:170:19:21

This guy does realise we're only matches, right?

0:19:220:19:24

-Someone should tell the prick.

-BOTH: Oi, dickhead, we're matches!

0:19:240:19:29

What I wouldn't give to know what they were saying.

0:19:310:19:34

All that stick insect slaughter for nothing.

0:19:420:19:45

Tom!

0:19:460:19:48

Ben. Listen, mate...

0:19:480:19:50

...there's something I need to tell you.

0:19:520:19:53

Me first. I've been studying my stick insects all night

0:19:530:19:57

and working on this...

0:19:570:19:59

...Stick Evolution.

0:20:000:20:03

I have witnessed the development of a new breed of stick insect.

0:20:050:20:10

They live in boxes.

0:20:100:20:12

They keep warm by striking their heads against a wall.

0:20:140:20:18

And sometimes they will collect together to make the model of a ship.

0:20:180:20:23

I've finally achieved something with my life.

0:20:280:20:31

I've never been happier. Now, what was it you wanted to tell me?

0:20:310:20:35

-Oh...

-(LAUGHS)

0:20:350:20:37

It doesn't matter. Good work, mate.

0:20:370:20:40

All I want now is a bit of recognition.

0:20:400:20:43

If only I knew a scientist, then I could present my findings.

0:20:430:20:48

Yeah. And if only there was a better way

0:20:480:20:52

to demonstrate to the wider world my culinary ability.

0:20:520:20:56

And if only I could prove to Rachel that I know all about her life

0:20:560:21:00

and her two best friends -

0:21:000:21:01

Helen, a biologist at the National Science Institute,

0:21:010:21:05

and Amy, a respected restaurant critic and Michelin judge.

0:21:050:21:09

ALL: Hmm...

0:21:090:21:11

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

0:21:110:21:13

(THEY ALL GASP)

0:21:130:21:15

ALL: Food fight!

0:21:150:21:16

We'll invite Rachel and her friends for lunch tomorrow, right?

0:21:200:21:23

BOTH: Ahh!

0:21:230:21:26

Better get started on my lecture.

0:21:270:21:29

But first things first - breakfast.

0:21:290:21:33

HE SCREAMS

0:21:340:21:39

We're out of Wagon Wheels!

0:21:390:21:41

Oh, well.

0:21:420:21:44

Guess I'll just have a...

0:21:440:21:45

HE SCREAMS

0:21:450:21:51

DOORBELL

0:21:540:21:56

Ladies! Come on in!

0:21:560:21:59

Make yourselves comfortable!

0:21:590:22:01

Ah!

0:22:010:22:02

Take a seat.

0:22:020:22:03

Thanks for the invitation, Matthew,

0:22:050:22:06

although it was a bit creepy to find this pinned to my front door.

0:22:060:22:10

Anyway, let me introduce you. This is Amy.

0:22:120:22:15

Who gave you a lift here in her 1985 racing-red Porsche Carrera,

0:22:150:22:20

a car that's worth over 40 grand.

0:22:200:22:22

Wow. Yeah.

0:22:220:22:24

OK, and this is Helen.

0:22:240:22:26

Helen, whose work at the National Science Institute

0:22:260:22:28

recently led to the discovery of a new species of British house spider.

0:22:280:22:32

Yes, how did you know...?

0:22:320:22:34

...know all about the Brown Shadow? Which has distinctive yellow dots on its back

0:22:340:22:37

and contains a rare and deadly venom?

0:22:370:22:40

It's common knowledge.

0:22:400:22:42

-Matthew, I'm a bit weirded out...

-By clowns.

0:22:420:22:45

Ever since one fell on you at your tenth birthday party.

0:22:470:22:50

-I must say, I haven't...

-...been this impressed since you went scuba diving on your gap year?

0:22:500:22:54

-What?

-Wow! He really knows...

0:22:540:22:58

About you smoking crack in Thailand.

0:22:580:23:00

Well, food will be ready any minute

0:23:030:23:05

and you're all in for a real culinary treat.

0:23:050:23:07

-TOM:

-Oh, God! That tastes like cat piss!

0:23:070:23:10

I'm going to check on the food. In the meantime...Ben!

0:23:120:23:15

Ben has made some fascinating discoveries in the field of insectology.

0:23:170:23:21

I've made some fascinating discoveries, all right.

0:23:210:23:25

But I won't be needing these.

0:23:250:23:28

I am here today to talk about betrayal!

0:23:280:23:32

-POTS AND PANS CLATTER

-Tom, what's going on?

0:23:340:23:38

I need a new secret ingredient.

0:23:380:23:40

And this cat piss certainly isn't it.

0:23:410:23:43

It tastes exactly how you'd imagine.

0:23:440:23:46

Why aren't you sticking to your signature dish?

0:23:470:23:50

I had a change of heart about my secret ingredient.

0:23:500:23:53

I couldn't cook any more of Ben's stick insects.

0:23:530:23:55

You've been cooking Ben's stick insects? How could you?

0:23:550:23:57

Well, first you lightly grill them, then you add a little pepper...

0:23:570:24:01

Never mind, just make sure this food is delicious - we've all got a lot riding on this.

0:24:010:24:05

Tonight, the world of stick will rise above the world of food!

0:24:050:24:11

Oh, God! What's he saying?

0:24:110:24:13

If only there was another insect I could replace it with.

0:24:140:24:18

Ah-ha!

0:24:180:24:20

And when helpless innocents are being snapped in two like twigs and boiled alive?!

0:24:200:24:25

Revenge. Revenge!

0:24:270:24:29

Um...thanks, Ben. Shall we adjourn to the dining table?

0:24:290:24:34

-What did he tell you?

-I honestly have no idea.

0:24:360:24:39

-Ladies!

-SINGS A FANFARE

0:24:390:24:43

This is my signature dish.

0:24:430:24:46

-LADLE CLATTERS

-Hopefully, it is to die for!

0:24:460:24:51

You monster!

0:24:510:24:53

HE SCREAMS

0:24:530:24:56

STOPS SCREAMING

0:24:580:25:00

CONTINUES SCREAMING

0:25:000:25:04

Now, Amy, I am open to criticism

0:25:050:25:08

so don't be afraid to give me compliments,

0:25:080:25:11

rave reviews, a Michelin star.

0:25:110:25:14

Actually...

0:25:180:25:20

this is really good.

0:25:200:25:21

It is?

0:25:210:25:23

Mmm!

0:25:230:25:24

-BEN:

-Savages!

0:25:240:25:25

-THUDDING

-What's he doing?

0:25:290:25:32

Why is he chopping down a tree?

0:25:330:25:35

-BEN:

-This tree will fall directly on to the kitchen,

0:25:350:25:38

ending Tom's reign of tyranny.

0:25:380:25:41

Sometimes you have to chop down a big stick to save some little sticks.

0:25:410:25:48

-Oh, no!

-BEN:

-Timber!

0:25:480:25:50

CREAKING

0:25:500:25:52

LOUD CRASH AND SMASHING GLASS

0:25:520:25:55

-BEN:

-Shit-balls!

0:25:550:25:56

Ah! Don't worry. He chopped the wrong side.

0:25:570:26:01

It's fallen the other way. Ha!

0:26:010:26:03

Anyway, he didn't have to do that. I'd stopped cooking with stick insects.

0:26:040:26:08

-So what's the new secret ingredient?

-Well...

0:26:080:26:10

I found another insect, a little brown spider with yellow spots.

0:26:100:26:15

Oh, my God!

0:26:150:26:16

Oh, my God!

0:26:180:26:20

Um...

0:26:220:26:23

I don't suppose anyone owns a 1985 Porsche Carrera?

0:26:230:26:28

My car!

0:26:290:26:31

Oh, my God!

0:26:310:26:33

And, Tom! Brown and yellow spider? You used a Brown Shadow!

0:26:330:26:36

And, according to the National Science Institute, the Brown Shadow...

0:26:360:26:39

Contains a rare and deadly venom.

0:26:390:26:42

HELEN GASPS

0:26:440:26:45

HELEN AND AMY COUGH

0:26:480:26:50

THEY BOTH GAG

0:26:500:26:52

THEY BOTH COUGH AND SPLUTTER

0:26:550:26:58

Is now the right time to ask if you think I'm a good brother?

0:26:590:27:02

Well, that was the hospital.

0:27:080:27:11

Don't tell me - it's not as serious as it first looked and they're going to be fine.

0:27:110:27:15

No, no - the venom liquidised their kidneys.

0:27:150:27:17

They're both in comas!

0:27:200:27:22

Anyway. Listen, mate, I'm sorry about the whole stick insect thing.

0:27:240:27:28

Ah, it's fine.

0:27:280:27:29

In the end, you decided to put a Michelin star second

0:27:290:27:32

and our friendship first.

0:27:320:27:33

Hey, you think Matthew and his sister are going to be OK?

0:27:350:27:38

Do you know what?

0:27:380:27:39

I think they're going to be just fine.

0:27:390:27:42

No, tell me, tell me, tell me...

0:27:420:27:44

Well, Helen lied on her CV about having a biology degree.

0:27:440:27:47

And Amy slept with Helen's boyfriend.

0:27:470:27:49

SHE GASPS Oh, I want all the details.

0:27:490:27:51

In fact, let's go for dinner next week.

0:27:510:27:53

I don't think I can do next week.

0:27:530:27:56

-Yeah, I'm socialising.

-"Socialising"?

0:27:560:27:59

Hm. "Date Night."

0:27:590:28:01

Oh, wow. I'm impressed. Date Night?

0:28:010:28:04

Well, after the success of Prune Afternoon...

0:28:040:28:06

Did you manage to replace those stick insects, Ben?

0:28:100:28:13

A new batch of my sticky pals arrived today.

0:28:130:28:15

Hey, guys, what's for dinner?

0:28:150:28:18

You tell me, Michel Roux-ining-our-food.

0:28:180:28:21

I've given up on fine dining.

0:28:220:28:23

From now on, I'm all about fast food and snacks.

0:28:230:28:27

Ah! Twiglets!

0:28:270:28:29

ALL: No!

0:28:290:28:32

MUSIC: "Clocks" by Coldplay

0:28:320:28:34

# The lights go out and I can't be saved

0:28:340:28:37

# Tides that I tried to swim against

0:28:370:28:39

# Have put me down upon my knees

0:28:390:28:42

# Oh, I beg, I beg and plead singing

0:28:420:28:47

# Come out of things unsaid

0:28:470:28:50

# Shoot an apple off my head

0:28:500:28:53

# And a trouble that can't be named

0:28:530:28:57

# A tiger's waiting to be tamed Singing. #

0:28:570:29:02

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS