Ay Carumba Being Eileen


Ay Carumba

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Oh, hiya. We've come in about Ethan.

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He hasn't been spiking the dinners with laxatives again, has he?

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-No.

-Clingfilm over the toilet seats?

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-No.

-Embalming the guinea pigs?

-Let him talk, Mand.

-It's about...

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Well, it' quite surprising.

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Nothing surprises us.

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Well, look at him now.

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-Exactly.

-I'm sorry about that.

-You see...

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isn't he brilliant?

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-Terrorising his sister?

-Tripping her up?

-No. Judo.

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You what?

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We call that fighting in our house.

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The Olympic legacy team's been going round schools

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trying out children with different sports.

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They discovered Ethan is a natural at judo.

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Could be a future Olympic champion.

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-Is this a wind up?

-No, no. They'd like him to go for regional training.

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That's judo, not fighting?

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Well, yeah.

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Now, that IS fighting.

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-Dad! Mum's having one of her funny turns.

-Shall we call an ambulance?

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-Just having a little dance. Leave me alone.

-You're a weirdo.

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-Is there something I should know?

-No! Just...

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enjoying meself. It's ages since I've had a dance.

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OK.

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I picked that up. What do you think?

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-"Run Ay Carumba classes..."

-Yeah.

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"Make money, friends and get fit."

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What's Ay Carumba?

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It's that Brazilian salsa-dance fitness thing.

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It's like that Zumba they do, but newer.

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You run them yourself as a franchise.

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They're like Tupperware parties, without the plastic boxes.

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If this works out, we could have a chain of them.

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You could leave that boring job. We could manage them

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and we could have staff to run classes right across the country.

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We could retire to Rio De Janeiro.

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Maybe just go and see if you like it first.

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I think I'll be brilliant.

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Hi, love. Thanks.

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Hiya.

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I haven't seen you for years.

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Just thought I'd try this new bus route, see what it's like.

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Free bus pass and all.

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It goes all round the world now. Used to go straight into town.

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Now you're going round parts of Birkenhead you never knew existed.

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As soon as you get used to it, they change it and it goes somewhere else.

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48's nice too. Goes down by the docks and the river.

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I just go for a ride round if there's nothing to do.

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It's either this or staring at the four walls.

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Tell me about it.

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I heard about Ted. So sorry.

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Oh, thanks. I haven't seen you since Eddie. I was sorry to hear.

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You know, me and some other women in the same boat meet every week

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for coffee round at Maureen Morrison's. Why don't you join us?

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Yeah. She was always such a laugh.

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Well, yeah.

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Breaks up the week. You'll know everyone.

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I'd like that.

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Where the hell are we going now?

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What do you think you're doing? Give it some, lad. That's rubbish.

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You're rubbish. Do you hear me? Rubbish.

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Bloomin' heck.

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He really responds well to aggressive encouragement. You know, tough love.

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Oh, I can't watch any more. Wimp. Who's the wimp?

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I am.

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We've tried him on everything.

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We think this might be the sport for him.

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Fitness runs in our family.

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I knew it. Beaten again.

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Useless. What are you?

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Useless.

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Is it Ethan? Does he want to have a go?

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-What do you reckon, son?

-Yeah, sure.

-Come on, lad.

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He can't do it against that big bloke. How old is he?

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He's only 15, is Vlad.

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Vlad? Vlad the Impaler.

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From Russia.

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But if he lives here for a while, he'll become British

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then join our team.

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Oh, my God. I can't watch.

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-You all right, son?

-Fine.

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That's enough. Get him out of there.

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HE WHISPERS

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Get in. That's brilliant.

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Well done, Ethan.

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What did you say?

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-Imagine that's your sister.

-Dad!

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Well, I'd just like to welcome Eileen to our little gathering.

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Great you could make it.

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Thanks for asking me.

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We used to go to different houses but just come to mine now

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because I've got the most chairs.

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Did you hear about Frankie Fisher?

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-Oh, no.

-Is he dead?

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-Nearly.

-ALL: Ah!

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-They don't think he'll make it to the weekend.

-ALL: Ah!

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I've got my phone here and she's going to text me

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as soon as it happens.

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So we know.

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Maisie Brooks.

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She died.

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Oh, no.

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Larry Parsons. Dead.

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Oh.

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-And Kenny Smith's mother's brother's died.

-Oh.

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-I don't know him.

-Neither do I.

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I don't think any of us do.

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But it's good to know, isn't it?

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Well, at least we're all still alive.

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I brought along some fairy cakes for us.

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-Oooh. Lovely!

-Wonderful.

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Oooh!

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Isn't the weather terrible?

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Awful.

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I thought it was a bit brighter today.

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-But it's going to get worse.

-It always gets worse.

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Oh, dear.

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-Do you get out and about much?

-Oh, no.

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We don't go out.

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Especially after dark.

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It's too dangerous.

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Did you see on the news that old dear had to fend off

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a burglar himself? No police about.

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He managed to tie the lad to a chair with his dressing-gown cord

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while he waited hours for the police to arrive.

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-78 he was.

-Oh, no.

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I missed that. Was that round here?

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No, China.

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Oh, right.

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-Is it your first time?

-Yeah.

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I've haven't done anything like this before.

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It's easy peasy. It's just like dancing, really.

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-About being free.

-I'm good at that. Being free and that.

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OK, ladies. Into position.

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100% enthusiasm, yeah?

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Five, six, seven, eight.

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We have other kids who are incredibly fit and motivated

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-but don't have half the ability that Ethan's got.

-Great.

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And you need to look at his fitness levels.

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Get him running or down the gym. And his diet.

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Chicken, vegetables, brown rice from now on.

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You might as well call it a day now.

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There's the fitness plans and diet books.

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I know he can do this. We'll work on it together.

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He does eat healthily anyway.

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Where did he get them from?

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Really use those hips. Thrust at the end, yeah?

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Yeah? I think you've got it now.

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Oh, sorry I'm late. Is it OK just to...?

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What are you doing here?

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The girls at work said it was great.

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Hiya.

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You don't mind, do you?

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No, of course not.

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Have you done this before?

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No. First time. It's great, isn't it?

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Yeah.

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That's it. You've got it. Perfecto.

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They're even saying you can get...

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cancer from watching too much telly now.

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Do you go on any trips out at all?

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There's some really great shows on in Liverpool.

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I'd love to go to the Echo Arena.

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Isn't it all loud pop music?

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Well, it can be, but I love some of my grandkids' music.

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Do you know who's on this week?

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-Rihanna!

-Who?

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Rihanna. You know.

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# Umbrella, ella, ella... #

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I don't think that's for us.

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Oh, no.

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A song about rain.

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The weather gets me down enough without hearing a song about it.

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Oh, well.

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Never mind.

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Amazing. Thank you all for a brilliant class.

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Thanks. I feel incredible.

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You looked it. You're a natural.

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It's like you've been Ay Carumba-ing all your life.

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Yeah, she's great, isn't she?

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If anyone would be interested in taking a leaflet about running

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your own Ay Carumba franchise, details are here.

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I've already got one.

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-You're interested?

-Yeah. If that's all right with you?

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Of course. You should take one.

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-No. She doesn't want one.

-You what?

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It's about running your own class. You don't want to do that, do you?

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-Oh, no.

-But you were brilliant. I'd be a shame not to.

-Really?

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-She's just going to throw it in the bin.

-Yeah.

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-Shall I throw it away for you?

-Let me just read it first.

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Hiya, Rita. Everything all right?

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I hope you don't mind me knocking.

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It's just... You know you were saying about that Rihanna girl?

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-Yeah.

-Well, I love that song. You know about her wet-weather gear.

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Oh, yeah!

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But I felt I couldn't say earlier.

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Any road, our Tina had two tickets, but she can't go now.

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She's gone and got another tag on her leg

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and it's past her curfew. but that's another story.

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-Shall we go?

-We could do. When is it?

-Tonight. Now.

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-No?!

-Yeah, come on.

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She's meant to be a bit of a slut in the show,

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but it'll get us out and about.

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Well, I was going to put a coloured wash on.

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But, you know, that can wait.

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I'll just throw something on.

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Hey, I could do with a boogie. Come on!

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Go on, son.

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What have you stopped for?

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Come on, lad. Keep going. Go on. Go on.

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Come on, Ethan. You can do it.

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-I can't run any further.

-You've got to get fit.

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I don't want to.

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HORN BEEPS

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-Do you want a lift?

-Yeah!

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-Mand, we're training.

-He looks knackered. Poor thing.

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-That's the idea.

-You all right, son?

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No. Melissa, open the door and I'll jump in.

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Mandy, leave us alone, will you? Ethan, come on. Don't stop.

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Don't push him too hard.

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It's not a rip off like those pyramid schemes, is it?

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No. At least people are getting something for their money.

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You know, I think it might be a bit cramped doing it in our garage.

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I'd have to move all my tools and my gadgets out of the way.

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-Where would I put them?

-We'll find somewhere else.

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Do you think anyone else round here will be thinking

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-of running a franchise?

-No. No.

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I was the only one who picked up a leaflet.

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-And you'd teach it? So, you WERE good at it?

-Yeah.

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You just picked it up straight away?

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Yeah.

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The teacher said... I was a natural.

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Like I'd been Ay Carumba-ing all my life.

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That's my girl. I've never seen you this fired up.

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This could change our lives.

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Let's do it.

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I'm going to make a poster with the kids.

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Here you go.

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I don't know what's weirder,

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that horrible looking food

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or the fact we're sitting eating at a table.

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Might make it easier if we ate together.

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Look, I'm having it too. We're a team.

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-And you like chicken and vegetables.

-Yeah, when it's fried.

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Why is the rice burnt?

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It's not burnt. It's brown. And it's lovely.

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See?

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Yummy.

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Are you for real?

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What? We've got to eat.

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Whose are those chips?

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Just spare. In case anyone wants them.

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-Ethan. Just try it.

-Mmmmm(!)

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These are the nicest chips you've ever made, Mum.

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Yummy.

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I can't chew it. No more.

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What are you doing?

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He's got to eat something. I don't want him to starve.

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Waste of time.

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Night.

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Well, it was a wonderful night. Thanks.

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I loved it.

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I did tire of her flashing her knickers all the time,

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otherwise, I can't remember the last time I danced like that.

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-We should do it again.

-Yeah.

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SHE BURPS

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Perhaps not have as much lager next time.

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Who next then?

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I'd like to see that Michael Bubbly.

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Isn't it Buble?

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Oh yeah, it is. Michael Bubbly!

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Oh, look. Isn't that...?

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Where the hell did she go?

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-Hiya, Maureen.

-Hello, Eileen.

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What's that?

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Oh, um... The concert.

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Rihanna.

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-You went in the end?

-Yeah, yeah. It was great. Loved it.

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You were on your own then?

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Yeah, looks that way.

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I didn't expect to see you out and about after dark.

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I'm getting some milk. Thought I'd take the risk.

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I've got a rape alarm in my pocket. I'd better get off.

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-OK.

-Bye, love.

-Bye.

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She gone?

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In a puff of smoke. What's that all about?

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She can't see us together. She'd go mad.

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And if she knew what we'd been doing...

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I didn't realise it was a covert operation.

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Quick. She might come back.

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I am going to do this.

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Five, six, seven, eight.

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Ay Carumba. Ay Carumba. Ay Carumba.

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Ay Carumba.

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Oh! Fancy seeing you here.

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-You are joking.

-No.

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-But I'm doing the 4.30 class on a Tuesday.

-So am I.

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-Well, where are you doing yours?

-There.

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-Where's yours?

-There.

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-You'll just have to do yours somewhere else.

-No.

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-But I put the poster up first.

-I was the first one to think about running my own class.

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You know I was the first one to do Ay Carumba.

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Well, I can actually Ay Carumba.

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Well, so can I...now.

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Been practising in the middle of the night?

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Of course not. Who'd do that?

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I was just a little bit ill prepared that first lesson.

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-Are you going to go through with this?

-Hell, yeah.

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I've got all the girls from work coming.

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I'm going to be rammed.

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Well, I've got all the mums from school coming and there's 150 kids in that school.

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So that'll be...loads.

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-Well, we'll see, won't we?

-Yeah. Yeah, we will see.

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So...

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Eileen went to a pop concert on her own.

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Yeah, and I've lived to tell the tale.

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Didn't anyone feel like going to the pop concert with Eileen?

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Oh, no. I took a Quiet Life and went to bed early.

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Anyone else?

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Rita...

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Oh, dear. I've made a mess.

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I don't know what I'm thinking of.

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So...

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any news?

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Frankie Fisher's still not dead.

0:18:440:18:47

-Oh.

-I tell you what, I brought a DVD.

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-I thought we could watch a film.

-Ooh, yeah. That could be...

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..maybe not a good idea.

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It's a great film. Toy Story 3.

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-A cartoon?

-For kids?

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Well, it is a cartoon, I suppose, but I think it's wasted on the kids.

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My grandchildren left it at mine.

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I was going to take it back and then I thought, why not?

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-Well, anyway...

-I love the Pixar films.

-Pixar?

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Yeah, they do films on computers.

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I don't know how they do it. Finding Nemo. Have you seen that one?

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Oh! All about them fish. My grandkids have got that.

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You think, like, you're underwater.

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Shall we watch it?

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Honestly, it's a great story. It'll cheer us right up.

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Do we want cheering up?

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Maybe.

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I think it's time to go.

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We've only just got here.

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I know. But I've just remembered I've got an appointment.

0:19:450:19:48

-So I think it's time for you to leave.

-Oh.

0:19:480:19:52

OK.

0:19:520:19:53

-Thanks, Maureen. See you.

-Bye, Maureen. Thanks for the tea.

0:19:530:19:57

-You're welcome.

-See you next week. Bye.

0:19:570:19:59

Where were you? We were meant to be training.

0:20:110:20:13

I'm training now.

0:20:130:20:15

Watching Kung Fu Panda is not training.

0:20:150:20:17

Kung Fu Panda 2.

0:20:170:20:19

One, two, three.

0:20:230:20:25

Cha cha cha.

0:20:250:20:26

Cha cha cha.

0:20:260:20:28

Cha cha cha.

0:20:280:20:29

Cha cha cha.

0:20:290:20:30

Cha cha cha.

0:20:300:20:32

If he wants to get fit, he should come to my class.

0:20:320:20:35

Why are you doing this? Just to make a point to Paula?

0:20:350:20:39

Do you really think I'd be that petty?

0:20:390:20:42

The instructor said I was amazing, that I had a calling.

0:20:420:20:45

Well, who's this judo malarkey for, eh?

0:20:450:20:47

You or him?

0:20:470:20:49

You're turning into one of those vile pushy parents.

0:20:490:20:51

Right. Come on. Get it right this time.

0:20:510:20:55

Merengue.

0:20:550:20:57

Merengue.

0:20:580:20:59

Merengue.

0:20:590:21:01

Merengue!

0:21:010:21:03

Just stop it there.

0:21:060:21:09

That's it. That's what I do.

0:21:120:21:13

I'm speechless.

0:21:170:21:19

You break it to her, Dad.

0:21:200:21:23

-Is it that bad?

-No, no. There's nothing to worry about.

0:21:230:21:26

When's your first class?

0:21:270:21:29

40 minutes.

0:21:290:21:30

Oh, dear.

0:21:300:21:32

What's his story?

0:21:440:21:46

Just getting him in the zone.

0:21:460:21:47

OK. So we're just going to do a warm up first. Come on.

0:21:470:21:51

Come on, Ethan. Let's have a good session.

0:21:510:21:53

Space out. On your toes.

0:21:550:21:57

On your toes. Up on those feet.

0:21:590:22:01

Backwards and forwards. Hips.

0:22:030:22:06

Forwards.

0:22:080:22:09

-Hiya!

-You all right?

0:22:120:22:15

So, here we are then.

0:22:280:22:30

Moment of truth. How's the Ay Carumba-ing going?

0:22:300:22:34

Oh, it's great.

0:22:340:22:35

But today I'm just going to sit back and enjoy it. Hiya!

0:22:350:22:39

Hola.

0:22:390:22:41

Hey. I thought you were on my side?

0:22:430:22:46

-She's paying me.

-Turncoat.

0:22:460:22:48

Well...

0:22:480:22:49

I've got free mojitos.

0:22:500:22:53

Melissa!

0:22:530:22:54

I'm going to get everyone pissed.

0:22:540:22:57

Well...

0:22:580:23:00

I've got the kids in daft costumes...

0:23:000:23:03

I feel stupid.

0:23:030:23:04

..and Ray as general manager and DJ.

0:23:040:23:07

These are cutting off my circulation.

0:23:070:23:11

Oh! First customer.

0:23:110:23:12

-She's mine.

-She's mine.

0:23:140:23:16

Hiya. I'm looking for the macrame class. Is it round here?

0:23:170:23:20

-BOTH:

-First floor.

0:23:200:23:22

Can I have a rest?

0:23:320:23:33

Please!

0:23:330:23:35

-Come on. Get up.

-I just want to have...

0:23:350:23:37

Ethan, get up.

0:23:390:23:40

What are you playing at?

0:23:420:23:44

Are you a man or a mouse?

0:23:440:23:45

Ethan, wait. Look, I'm sorry.

0:23:530:23:56

-Come on. Come back in.

-I don't want to do it any more.

0:23:560:23:59

-Yes, you do.

-I don't. It's just no fun.

0:23:590:24:01

You're good. You could be in the Olympic team.

0:24:010:24:04

I liked it when it was fun

0:24:040:24:06

and I still want to do it. Just not like this.

0:24:060:24:09

I liked it best when it was with Melissa.

0:24:090:24:11

It's just a bit of training.

0:24:110:24:12

No, it's not. It's everything.

0:24:120:24:14

Just because you wanted to be a footballer and you had chances

0:24:140:24:18

but you didn't train.

0:24:180:24:20

-You what?

-And now you're trying to take it out on me.

0:24:200:24:23

You can't make me do this.

0:24:230:24:25

I'm sorry, son. You're right.

0:24:270:24:29

What's got into me, eh?

0:24:300:24:31

Come here.

0:24:320:24:34

-I'm so sorry.

-Dad...

0:24:340:24:36

Hey, why don't we go for a Maccie Dee's?

0:24:380:24:42

Drive through?

0:24:420:24:43

Of course.

0:24:430:24:44

Oh, go on then.

0:24:470:24:48

DOORBELL RINGS

0:24:500:24:52

-What's the...?

-I know there's something going on here.

0:24:540:24:57

Gotcha. I knew it. You usurped me.

0:25:000:25:04

What?

0:25:040:25:06

Setting up all these secret meetings behind closed doors.

0:25:060:25:10

Underground. Incognito.

0:25:100:25:12

Some of the women wanted to see the film.

0:25:120:25:15

You didn't want to watch it so they came here.

0:25:150:25:17

SHE SOBS

0:25:230:25:26

Not one punter between us.

0:25:390:25:42

We're crap, aren't we?

0:25:420:25:44

What now?

0:25:440:25:46

Mojito?

0:25:460:25:47

Don't mind if I do.

0:25:490:25:50

Cheers.

0:25:530:25:55

Who needs Rio De Janeiro, eh?

0:25:550:25:56

-There you go.

-Thanks.

0:26:050:26:07

I don't know what's happened to me.

0:26:080:26:10

It's OK.

0:26:100:26:12

When Ronnie passed away, I thought, "That's it. My life's over.

0:26:120:26:15

"I can't enjoy myself again."

0:26:150:26:18

And I felt guilty if I was having a good time.

0:26:180:26:21

We know how you feel.

0:26:210:26:22

I'm certainly not skipping down the street every day.

0:26:230:26:27

I find it really hard.

0:26:270:26:29

But I know Ted would want me to live,

0:26:290:26:33

to try and do things, get out there.

0:26:330:26:36

And you're right.

0:26:360:26:37

And it was only a cartoon.

0:26:390:26:41

And it's also all right if you don't want to watch it.

0:26:440:26:48

I think I'd like to.

0:26:480:26:50

Great.

0:26:500:26:51

Yeah.

0:26:510:26:53

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