Browse content similar to Sticks and Rope. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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This programme contains some strong language and scenes which some viewers may find upsetting. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:06 | |
Like it or not, this is my world now. | 0:00:06 | 0:00:09 | |
The conflict between the werewolves and the vampires generates such an energy, upon which the Devil feasts. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:14 | |
The Devil has no form of his own, | 0:00:14 | 0:00:17 | |
so will possess the nearest human vessel. | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
I'm fine. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:22 | |
In fact, I haven't felt this good for years. | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
-Your department is to be dissolved. -Then God help us all! | 0:00:24 | 0:00:29 | |
Oh! | 0:00:34 | 0:00:35 | |
-The dodgems! Can we go on the dodgems?! -We don't have time. -Sorry. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:39 | |
Why are you in such a hurry? This place is friggin' mint! | 0:00:39 | 0:00:42 | |
-I told you, I'm meeting someone. -Ah, so that's why you're dressed like a girl. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:47 | |
You know Ryan says this fella must be a right munter. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:49 | |
Well, actually he's dead handsome, has all his own teeth and speaks really nicely. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:54 | |
Whereas Ryan's last girlfriend looks like Chris Moyles. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:57 | |
But hang on, if you're going out tonight, | 0:00:57 | 0:01:00 | |
who's going to make us dinner and do the washing up? | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
I just want ONE night to myself. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
It's my holiday, too. Right. Let's go, Decky... | 0:01:05 | 0:01:08 | |
Just one go! Please! | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
We'll come back tomorrow. OK? We've got loads of time. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:15 | |
Promise? | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
Cross my heart and hope to die. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:20 | |
Come on. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
And HE thought... | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
-the supply teacher was only there for a week. -Mrs Barnes has had another "incident". | 0:01:34 | 0:01:38 | |
-Tom, can you change her sheets? -I'm covering room service. Gary's got the shingles. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
-Then he has to come back, so... -What?! | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
Decky has to keep this going for a whole year. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
Mrs Barnes doesn't have shingles, she needs new sheets. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
-No, Gary has got the shingles. Gary has shingles. -What? | 0:01:48 | 0:01:52 | |
Alex, please! | 0:01:52 | 0:01:54 | |
Do you want me to speak up? | 0:01:54 | 0:01:56 | |
No, could you, sort of... | 0:01:56 | 0:01:59 | |
It's just you're such vibrant and entertaining company, you're distracting us from our work. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:05 | |
Oh, very smooth. Seriously, hats off. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:09 | |
Well, what am I supposed to do? I can't eat, I can't sleep. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:13 | |
What did you do before? | 0:02:13 | 0:02:16 | |
Erm, looked after my brothers. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
Went out on the piss with me mates, got off with inappropriate people. No offence! | 0:02:18 | 0:02:23 | |
-Erm, what else? Played piano. -Really? -Yeah. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:27 | |
-I was going to be a concert pianist. -You can play the piano? | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
No, I can't! That's the really weird thing... Of course, I can play the piano! | 0:02:29 | 0:02:33 | |
You have work to do, Thomas. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
Yeah, it's dead here. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
Well, I'm going to shoot. Heaps to be getting on with. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:44 | |
Don't know where to start! Ooh! | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
Diagnosis Murder's on. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
Oh, they're beautiful! | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
Do you have a secret admirer, Patsy? | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
Captain! | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
No! | 0:02:58 | 0:02:59 | |
No. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:00 | |
I picked them up at the petrol station. Thought they might brighten the place up a bit. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:06 | |
-How are you coping without Sophie? -Oh, the poor girl! | 0:03:06 | 0:03:10 | |
I keep thinking to myself, was it something I said? | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
Oh, Captain! | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
She was devoted to you! | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
Now I'll have no more maudlin from you, mister. It's a new era. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:23 | |
Amen to that! As a matter of fact, I've had an idea. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:27 | |
Just a bit of fun. But it might give us all a bit of a lift. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:31 | |
Then...follow me. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
SHRILL NOTES PLAY | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
BOY GIGGLES | 0:04:10 | 0:04:11 | |
FOOTSTEPS RUNNING | 0:04:13 | 0:04:17 | |
Now, I know we've all been a bit down in the dumps lately, what with things getting a bit... | 0:04:17 | 0:04:23 | |
suicidey. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:25 | |
BUT one of the guests has given me the perfect idea to perk us up! | 0:04:25 | 0:04:31 | |
As of today, I'm going to be watching you all like a hawk! | 0:04:31 | 0:04:36 | |
And whoever impresses me most... | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
You do realise you've stopped speaking? | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
Will be named Employee of the Month! | 0:04:49 | 0:04:53 | |
Now it's just a bit of fun, but it will look terrific on your CV. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:57 | |
So best of luck to you all and may the best man win. | 0:04:57 | 0:05:01 | |
See this, right here. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:08 | |
This is why the world is going to hell in a handcart. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:11 | |
The very idea that you need a competition to motivate... | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
Oh...God! | 0:05:15 | 0:05:18 | |
You'll have your work cut out if you want to beat me, buddy boy! Got to get up pretty early in the morning! | 0:05:18 | 0:05:23 | |
I'm not indulging in this charade! I have no intention of doing anything different. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
Because you know you'll lose. When I hold up the trophy... | 0:05:26 | 0:05:29 | |
-You do know there isn't a trophy? -You'll be like, "I didn't take part, that's why I lost, why I'm a loser." | 0:05:29 | 0:05:34 | |
It would be the easiest thing in the world for me to win this ridiculous competition... | 0:05:34 | 0:05:37 | |
-You don't know who you're provoking here. -Oh, I know who I'm provoking! | 0:05:37 | 0:05:41 | |
-Mr Runner-Up. Mr Silver Medal. -There isn't a medal either. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
When I transform, I should drag you round on a piece of string in the woods. I'm saying you're a chicken. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:49 | |
Thank you. I got the analogy. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:52 | |
Very well, Thomas. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
I accept the challenge. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:58 | |
Let's get to work! | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
MUSIC: "The Good, The Bad And The Ugly" by Ennio Morricone | 0:06:02 | 0:06:07 | |
You ready? | 0:06:16 | 0:06:18 | |
Hello? | 0:06:25 | 0:06:26 | |
FOOTSTEPS RUNNING | 0:06:32 | 0:06:36 | |
Is anybody there? | 0:06:47 | 0:06:50 | |
DOOR SHUTS | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
BOY: Alex! | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
Alex. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:13 | |
Alex! | 0:07:15 | 0:07:16 | |
Alex! | 0:07:20 | 0:07:21 | |
Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex! | 0:07:22 | 0:07:25 | |
Alex! Alex! | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
VOICES SCREAM AND SCREECH | 0:07:28 | 0:07:35 | |
VOICES STOP | 0:07:35 | 0:07:38 | |
Ugh, who left these here? | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
Er, where are my flowers? | 0:07:47 | 0:07:49 | |
Don't you worry, Patsy. It's all under control. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
Oh, so that's 7.99 down the drain. Thank you very much! That's coming out of your wages! | 0:07:52 | 0:07:57 | |
Oh, dear! | 0:07:59 | 0:08:00 | |
I do hope that doesn't mean you're in her bad books. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:03 | |
Don't worry. It's still early days yet. Still a lot to play for. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:07 | |
I think the house is haunted! | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
-Alex, there's no easy way to say this. -No, not me, idiot! There's another one! You have to come home! | 0:08:10 | 0:08:14 | |
Hello! Anybody there? | 0:08:16 | 0:08:19 | |
I swear I heard him. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:21 | |
DOOR SLAMS | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
See! Now do you believe me? | 0:08:28 | 0:08:31 | |
-BOY: See! Now do you believe me? -Who's there? -Who's there? | 0:08:31 | 0:08:34 | |
FOOTSTEPS RUNNING | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
-Who the hell's that? -I don't know. | 0:08:58 | 0:09:01 | |
-What's he doing here? -I don't know! -What does he want? -I don't know!! | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
-But maybe if you keep asking me I'll magically find out somehow. -Go in there and ask him. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:08 | |
Not going to happen! | 0:09:08 | 0:09:10 | |
-I don't believe it, you're scared! -Yes! Yes, I am. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
-Now you go in and ask him. -I can't go in there. I've got a sore... I've got a sore. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:18 | |
Aaakkkhhh! Oooooh! | 0:09:20 | 0:09:23 | |
Hello, Alex. Do you want to play with me? This is the Battle of Sebastopol! | 0:09:27 | 0:09:33 | |
How do you know my name? | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
-Because I've been watching you. -Right. Good, because I thought it'd be something creepy. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:40 | |
Hiding outside are Hal and Tom - the vampire and the werewolf. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:44 | |
Hello! | 0:09:50 | 0:09:51 | |
-And you are? -Oliver Fitzwilliam Pryor, at your service. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:56 | |
-And what are you doing here? -Playing soldiers, you great ninny. | 0:09:56 | 0:10:00 | |
-Come along, sit down. You can be Russia! -Nah, you're OK, thanks... | 0:10:00 | 0:10:03 | |
HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS | 0:10:03 | 0:10:07 | |
Oh, God! | 0:10:07 | 0:10:08 | |
CONTINUES TO COUGH | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
It's ill. It's a child and now it's ill. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:12 | |
Oh, please. He was running around the house five minutes ago. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:15 | |
Carry me! | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
Children and I don't...mix. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:21 | |
Your manservant then? | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
I'm not his manservant! | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
HE COUGHS | 0:10:25 | 0:10:26 | |
-All right then, little fella. Do you want a piggy back then? -Oh yes, please! Rather. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:32 | |
But where did you come from? What are you doing here? | 0:10:32 | 0:10:37 | |
This is my house. I've always lived here! | 0:10:37 | 0:10:40 | |
What and we never knew? Not even Annie? How did that happen? | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
Because I was hiding! Honestly, McNair, you're a beef-witted applejohn sometimes. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:47 | |
-Hiding from what? -From the monsters, of course. From the Men with Sticks and Rope. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:52 | |
-The Men with what and what? -Sticks and Rope, McNair. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:58 | |
Guardians of the afterlife. Ghastly things. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:01 | |
But they can't cross over to this plane. They only exist on the other side of the doors. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:05 | |
I thought it best to keep a low profile, nonetheless. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
This was father's study. We weren't allowed in there. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:12 | |
-Who's "we"? -Mama, of course, myself, nanny and the servants. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:16 | |
We had a staff of four. And Albert, my brother. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:20 | |
-So why have you come out of hiding? -Because I saw you. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:24 | |
I know you're not much to look at but one can't have everything. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:28 | |
What did happen to your hair, by the way? Some sort of industrial accident? | 0:11:28 | 0:11:33 | |
Never mind. Come along, McNair. Clippity-clop! | 0:11:33 | 0:11:36 | |
Where are my manners? I haven't even welcomed you! | 0:11:38 | 0:11:42 | |
Pop me down here, McNair. Please, do make yourselves at home. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:46 | |
OK, housemates' meeting. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
You said, "Housemates' meeting." | 0:11:55 | 0:11:58 | |
Erm, just the grown-ups. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:03 | |
Right, you are. Probably want to discuss the East India Company. Carry on. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:07 | |
How can he have been living here so long and we never knew? | 0:12:10 | 0:12:13 | |
And what are we going to do with him? It's not like we can hand him over to social services. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:17 | |
No, it's down to us. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
Oh...piss right off! | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
But you're dead good with kids. You're always talking about your brothers. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:28 | |
But Little Lord Fauntleroy there is not one of my little brothers. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:32 | |
Oh! | 0:12:35 | 0:12:36 | |
Seriously? Are we playing this again? | 0:12:39 | 0:12:42 | |
Blankie. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:43 | |
Blankie. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
There we are. Is that better? We don't want you getting poorly now, do we? | 0:12:49 | 0:12:54 | |
He's been dead for 100 years, how much more poorly can he get? | 0:12:54 | 0:12:57 | |
HE COUGHS | 0:12:57 | 0:12:58 | |
Nah, that is a classic "I want the day off school" cough! I've heard it 1,000 times! | 0:12:58 | 0:13:02 | |
Thank you all. You've been so very kind. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:06 | |
And if I don't make it... please, don't forget me. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:10 | |
You know, Decky used to look up symptoms online all the time, | 0:13:10 | 0:13:14 | |
except he could never be bothered looking up the diagnosis. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
There was this one time he said he couldn't go to school because he'd just started the menopause. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:23 | |
DOOR SLAMS | 0:13:23 | 0:13:25 | |
Oh, you two are so getting a slap. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:28 | |
Isn't this nice? Just the two of us. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:31 | |
Right, you... | 0:13:31 | 0:13:33 | |
Listen up, OK? You might be able to pull the wool over their eyes, | 0:13:33 | 0:13:37 | |
but they're men and they're idiots. I, however, have seen this all before. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:40 | |
So come on, get up! | 0:13:40 | 0:13:42 | |
-What do you want to do then? Play football? Climb trees? -What kind of low-born ruffian do you take me for? | 0:13:44 | 0:13:49 | |
TV it is! | 0:13:49 | 0:13:51 | |
Oh! Nice of you to pop by. Nice of you to join us. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:56 | |
Sorry, Patsy. We were called away to deal with a domestic emergency. | 0:13:56 | 0:14:00 | |
Hal. I see what you're doing. It's noble of you to try to take the bullet. But I've got the smoking gun. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:06 | |
I saw him on the security camera, sauntering up, bold as brass... | 0:14:06 | 0:14:10 | |
on his own. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
Not good enough, Thomas. You need to pull your socks up. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:17 | |
Come on, that's funny! You've got to admit. Tom! | 0:14:21 | 0:14:25 | |
Of course. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:26 | |
You must have been worried sick. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
As I said, he's fine, just a little disorientated. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:33 | |
Yes, a friendly face would help no... | 0:14:35 | 0:14:38 | |
Excellent. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:42 | |
The car should be with you any minute. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:46 | |
His sister's on her way. I'll prepare our guest. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:51 | |
Mr Crumb. How are we feeling today? | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
Yeah, yeah! Great, great! Great, Great! Yeah, yeah! | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
I need to, er... I need to feed. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:04 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
That needs to happen real blooming soon!! | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
I need to... We need to look into that. It has to be addressed. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:14 | |
Oh, it is, Mr Crumb, as we speak. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
But first - the other day, when we met, do you remember what I said? | 0:15:16 | 0:15:21 | |
I'd given you an idea. You had a job for me and it was a really special job. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:27 | |
That's right. A very special job. A job that demands skill and delicacy. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:32 | |
Oh, I can do that! I can be delicate! I can be so bloody delicate! | 0:15:32 | 0:15:36 | |
Indeed. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:38 | |
That's me all over! | 0:15:38 | 0:15:40 | |
-And do you remember what you said? -Yes! | 0:15:40 | 0:15:44 | |
Remind me. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:46 | |
You said that you were the world's worst nightmare. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:51 | |
The victim who gets superpowers. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
I thought at the time, "Goodness, what a striking image!" | 0:15:53 | 0:15:57 | |
Well...your hour approaches, Mr Crumb. | 0:15:57 | 0:16:02 | |
VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRS | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
VACUUM CLEANER STOPS | 0:16:14 | 0:16:16 | |
-What's that you're doing? -I'm disinfecting the keyboard with pure alcohol and a cotton bud. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:20 | |
I'd never think of doing that. I'm never going to win this competition, am I? | 0:16:20 | 0:16:25 | |
This isn't part of the competition. Doesn't everyone do this? | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
I know Patsy prefers you, but I thought if I worked hard, I could change her mind. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:31 | |
It's just a silly competition, Tom. Why don't we both opt out? I'm really not that bothered about it. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:36 | |
-Well, -I -am! Like Patsy said, imagine having "Employee of the Month" written on your CV! | 0:16:36 | 0:16:41 | |
-Imagine having a CV! -You can have a CV. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:44 | |
I'll type you up a CV as soon as I'm done disinfecting the keyboard. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
I just wanted to better meself, broaden me horizons. This was me chance. This was going to be it. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:53 | |
What if I withdrew from the competition? Perhaps without me "distracting" Patsy, | 0:16:53 | 0:16:57 | |
-she'll be able to see your potential. -No. | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
People should win things because they're good, not because everyone else is more rubbish. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:03 | |
Welcome to democracy. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:05 | |
We are having a party! | 0:17:05 | 0:17:08 | |
SHE LAUGHS MANICALLY | 0:17:08 | 0:17:10 | |
OFF-KEY PIANO PLAYS | 0:17:13 | 0:17:17 | |
-What's all this in aid of? -Don't you like a party? Everybody likes a party! It's the fucking law! | 0:17:17 | 0:17:23 | |
We were rather looking forward to a quiet evening and some supper. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:26 | |
-We've been working all day. -Oh! | 0:17:26 | 0:17:29 | |
And you think this isn't work? | 0:17:29 | 0:17:31 | |
I have been stuck all day on my own with a bloody child. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:35 | |
You try it. One day. I will go to the hotel and you can stay right here. One day. Let's go! | 0:17:35 | 0:17:40 | |
Everybody deserves to have a fuss made of them when they're little. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
OK then, that's agreed! Tonight, we're all going to party like it's 1899! | 0:17:43 | 0:17:49 | |
Ya-haaa! Haaa! | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
You're not "yah-ing", Hal. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
Yaah! | 0:17:54 | 0:17:55 | |
TOGETHER: Tic, tac, toe. Look up high, look down low. | 0:17:58 | 0:18:00 | |
Let's have three in a row. Don't let the butler step on your toe... | 0:18:00 | 0:18:03 | |
Ah! 16-0. Let's go. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:04 | |
TOGETHER: Tic, tac, toe. Look up high, look down low... | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
Let's have three in a row. Don't let the butler step on your toe! | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
-I don't want to play any more. We should play party games! -Oh, pass the slipper! Pass the slipper! | 0:18:09 | 0:18:15 | |
Right, who's first? | 0:18:15 | 0:18:17 | |
Eeny meeny miney mo, catch a ni... | 0:18:17 | 0:18:19 | |
ALL: No! | 0:18:19 | 0:18:21 | |
All right then, I'll go first. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:25 | |
Again, again, again! | 0:18:25 | 0:18:27 | |
I think that's enough excitement for one night, Oliver. | 0:18:27 | 0:18:30 | |
-Just because you keep losing. -Only because you're a little cheat. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:33 | |
How dare you! You great baggage! | 0:18:33 | 0:18:35 | |
-Yeah, whatever, Niles. -Never... | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
have I met a less lady-like LADY! | 0:18:37 | 0:18:41 | |
You can't dance! You can't conjugate Latin verbs! | 0:18:41 | 0:18:45 | |
And your madrigal singing is subpar at best! | 0:18:45 | 0:18:50 | |
Right, that's it. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
Naughty step for you! Come on! | 0:18:53 | 0:18:56 | |
-What's going on? -I've had enough. | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
He's a freak! He can't play football. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:01 | |
He thinks TV is "vulgar" and do not even get me started on the racism! | 0:19:01 | 0:19:06 | |
Right! | 0:19:06 | 0:19:08 | |
And stay there! | 0:19:09 | 0:19:12 | |
OK. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:14 | |
-Right. Go to your room! -Make me, dollymop! Flapdragon! | 0:19:20 | 0:19:24 | |
I think maybe you should do what she says, Oliver. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
Oh, my God! Dead Victorian kids are so annoying! | 0:19:30 | 0:19:34 | |
You don't think you're being a bit hard on him? | 0:19:37 | 0:19:39 | |
Fine! Fine... | 0:19:44 | 0:19:46 | |
EVIL VOICES MUTTERING | 0:19:48 | 0:19:51 | |
Please! I'm doing my best, I swear. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:55 | |
EVIL VOICE: Try again! | 0:19:55 | 0:19:58 | |
EVIL VOICE MUTTERING | 0:19:58 | 0:20:01 | |
Who are you talking to? | 0:20:06 | 0:20:08 | |
No-one. I was talking to myself. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:11 | |
-What, and you answer yourself back? -Just leave me alone. | 0:20:11 | 0:20:15 | |
Oliver, what's going on? | 0:20:18 | 0:20:20 | |
So what's the mission? What's the SP? | 0:20:23 | 0:20:27 | |
That's for you to decide. It's all about instinct. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:31 | |
Reading the room. Gauging the situation. Making a judgment call. | 0:20:31 | 0:20:35 | |
Making the situation. Reading the instincts. I getcha! I getcha! | 0:20:35 | 0:20:39 | |
Alan, are the CCTV cameras all working? We want to record your triumph. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:46 | |
Er, yes, sir. But could I have a word? | 0:20:46 | 0:20:50 | |
And afterwards, you'll feed me? | 0:20:50 | 0:20:52 | |
I give you my word you'll be fed. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:55 | |
-Do I get a badge?! -I'm sorry? | 0:20:55 | 0:20:57 | |
Well, it's just if I'm working for you then... | 0:20:57 | 0:21:00 | |
We don't really do badges. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:03 | |
It's undercover work. A badge would rather give the game away. | 0:21:03 | 0:21:06 | |
That makes total sense. You're smart. You're very smart. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:11 | |
Instead... | 0:21:11 | 0:21:13 | |
you get this...pen. | 0:21:13 | 0:21:16 | |
This very special pen. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:20 | |
-Does it shoot poison gas? Or pellets? Or poison gas pellets? -No. | 0:21:20 | 0:21:26 | |
It's essentially a pen, but... | 0:21:26 | 0:21:29 | |
only our top people get one of these. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:32 | |
Oh, like a talisman! | 0:21:32 | 0:21:35 | |
Like when you defeat the Obsidian King on Flaming Orc. | 0:21:35 | 0:21:39 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:21:39 | 0:21:40 | |
Flaming Orc - the role playing game? You must have heard of it! Won the Golden Joystick award. | 0:21:40 | 0:21:44 | |
I'm sorry, my work takes up so much of my time. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:47 | |
Well, there's this dungeon boss and you have to beat him. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:50 | |
He drops a talisman and it boosts everything, all your powers! You become invincible! | 0:21:50 | 0:21:55 | |
Then this pen, Mr Crumb, is your talisman. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:59 | |
And your destiny lies beyond this door. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:02 | |
Sorry, I need to speak to you. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:06 | |
For God's sake, Alan, what is it?! | 0:22:06 | 0:22:08 | |
She's brought her daughter. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:12 | |
We must... | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
We must be resolute. | 0:22:26 | 0:22:29 | |
We must think... | 0:22:29 | 0:22:32 | |
of the greater good. | 0:22:32 | 0:22:34 | |
HE SHOUTS | 0:22:40 | 0:22:41 | |
POUNDING ON DOOR, NO SOUND | 0:22:41 | 0:22:44 | |
HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALS | 0:22:44 | 0:22:47 | |
POUNDING | 0:22:47 | 0:22:51 | |
SCREAMING | 0:22:57 | 0:23:02 | |
SCREAMING CONTINUES | 0:23:02 | 0:23:06 | |
I need your help. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:09 | |
What's up? | 0:23:09 | 0:23:10 | |
We told you about this ridiculous Employee of the Month thing. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:13 | |
Well, it turns out Tom's got his heart set on it. | 0:23:13 | 0:23:17 | |
At first, I didn't realise just how much it means to him. | 0:23:17 | 0:23:20 | |
But if he's going to stand a chance of winning, it's not enough for him to be good at the job. | 0:23:20 | 0:23:25 | |
I have to be bad. | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
The problem is, I've never been bad at anything in my life. So I was wondering if you could help me. | 0:23:29 | 0:23:33 | |
Oh, what, because I'm the leading expert at fucking things up? | 0:23:33 | 0:23:38 | |
Oh, that's lovely! Yeah, that's really nice! | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
Can you help me? | 0:23:42 | 0:23:44 | |
Yes! Yes, as a matter of fact, I can. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:49 | |
Well, for starters, look how you're sat. It's like you've got a poker stuck up your bum. Slouch. | 0:23:51 | 0:23:56 | |
-Slouch? -Yeah. | 0:23:56 | 0:23:58 | |
I can't slouch, not with my back. I have a dancer's back. | 0:23:58 | 0:24:02 | |
Ha! | 0:24:02 | 0:24:03 | |
Just slide into your seat. Let yourself go all loosey-goosey. | 0:24:05 | 0:24:10 | |
OK. | 0:24:18 | 0:24:19 | |
OK. Put your feet up on that and read that. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:24 | |
-Can't I have a proper paper? -No. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
Now, a customer comes in, you ignore them. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:30 | |
They ask you a question, you shrug. They ask you again, you tut. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:34 | |
Tut? | 0:24:34 | 0:24:35 | |
-Try and work in an eye-roll as well. -This is barbaric. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:38 | |
Welcome to the British service industry. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:41 | |
PATSY GIVING COMMANDS IN THE BACKGROUND | 0:24:41 | 0:24:45 | |
Look at you! | 0:24:52 | 0:24:55 | |
Conserving your energy in case there's a rush later? | 0:24:55 | 0:24:58 | |
Planning ahead. I love it! | 0:24:58 | 0:25:00 | |
-Why would I care if there was a rush later? -Why indeed! | 0:25:00 | 0:25:03 | |
It won't faze you. You'll...you'll lick us into shape. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:07 | |
Shit! | 0:25:08 | 0:25:09 | |
-Bugger! -Captain Hatch! What on earth...? | 0:25:09 | 0:25:12 | |
I'm sorry, Patsy, my colostomy bag runneth over. | 0:25:12 | 0:25:17 | |
-And now I don't have poor Sophie to help, God rest her soul... -Right. | 0:25:17 | 0:25:22 | |
Don't look at me! I'm not doing it! | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
Of course not! The very idea. Thomas! | 0:25:24 | 0:25:28 | |
Captain Hatch needs a hand getting cleaned up in his "toilet area". | 0:25:31 | 0:25:35 | |
-I'm sure you can manage that. -Of course! It'd be a pleasure. | 0:25:35 | 0:25:38 | |
-No, I didn't mean Tom should do it. -Bit more suited to your skill set. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:42 | |
Did you hear that then? Skill set! Skill set! | 0:25:42 | 0:25:46 | |
What in the name of Little Baby Cheeses are you doing? | 0:25:51 | 0:25:54 | |
It's part of my routine. Just because one is dead, doesn't mean one should let standards drop. | 0:25:54 | 0:25:59 | |
Would you mind turning round? I'm going to get out now. | 0:25:59 | 0:26:03 | |
So if you lived here, then how come you don't sound Welsh? | 0:26:07 | 0:26:10 | |
I was born in England, if you must know. We only moved because of father's work. | 0:26:10 | 0:26:15 | |
-What did he do? -He was a magistrate. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:17 | |
-Why all these questions? -I just want to get to know you. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:22 | |
-How you lived, how you died. -How I DIED? | 0:26:22 | 0:26:26 | |
Oh, great idea! Let's start with that one. So, how did you die? | 0:26:26 | 0:26:29 | |
-That's a very personal question. -You said that you were hiding from the Men with Sticks and Rope. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:34 | |
What do they want with you? | 0:26:34 | 0:26:37 | |
They want every ghost who hasn't passed over properly. | 0:26:37 | 0:26:42 | |
They've not come looking for me. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:49 | |
So YOU must be special. Now why's that then? | 0:26:51 | 0:26:55 | |
If I tell you, you'll hate me. | 0:26:58 | 0:27:01 | |
DOOR SLAMS, STATIC | 0:27:01 | 0:27:03 | |
Course I'm not going to hate you. What is it? | 0:27:03 | 0:27:07 | |
-GLASS SHATTERS, RUMBLING -What are you hiding? Oliver! | 0:27:07 | 0:27:11 | |
RUMBLING STOPS, SILENCE | 0:27:11 | 0:27:13 | |
I did a terrible thing. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:16 | |
I killed my brother. | 0:27:17 | 0:27:19 | |
How's it going then, your little competition? | 0:27:25 | 0:27:28 | |
Oh, you heard about that? | 0:27:28 | 0:27:30 | |
It's going all right. I think Patsy has finally started to notice me. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:34 | |
-See what I'm capable of. -Yeah, cleaning up shit. | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
You know he refused to do it - the other fella? | 0:27:37 | 0:27:41 | |
La-de-da Gunner Graham said it was beneath him. Him and Patsy had a right old laugh about it. | 0:27:41 | 0:27:46 | |
Oh well, his loss. Gives me another chance to impress Patsy. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:49 | |
You know what he is? A tart. Excuse my French. | 0:27:49 | 0:27:53 | |
I've seen him, fluttering his eyelashes at her, | 0:27:53 | 0:27:56 | |
opening doors for her, giggling like a tit. | 0:27:56 | 0:28:00 | |
That's playing dirty in my book. | 0:28:00 | 0:28:02 | |
Nah, just healthy competition, that's all. | 0:28:02 | 0:28:05 | |
I worked with a man like that once, swore blind he was my best mate. | 0:28:05 | 0:28:09 | |
Next thing, bastard stabbed me in the back. | 0:28:09 | 0:28:12 | |
Cast me out without a by-your-leave. | 0:28:12 | 0:28:15 | |
He knows how much this means to me. He wouldn't cheat. | 0:28:15 | 0:28:17 | |
Yeah, but what does it mean to him? | 0:28:17 | 0:28:20 | |
See, this isn't about some pissy little competition. | 0:28:20 | 0:28:24 | |
This is about status quo. | 0:28:24 | 0:28:27 | |
Men like him need a hierarchy. | 0:28:27 | 0:28:29 | |
Him on top, us underneath. And he'll do anything to protect it. | 0:28:29 | 0:28:34 | |
He had rickets, he needed metal callipers to help him walk. | 0:28:42 | 0:28:47 | |
Everyone made such a fuss of him. Never had any time for me. | 0:28:47 | 0:28:52 | |
Yeah, I think I can relate to that. | 0:28:52 | 0:28:55 | |
So what happened? | 0:28:56 | 0:28:58 | |
We were playing hide and seek. There was an old water tank in the cellar. | 0:28:59 | 0:29:04 | |
A copper for washing clothes. | 0:29:04 | 0:29:06 | |
He must have climbed in there and with the calliper... | 0:29:06 | 0:29:10 | |
I was the one who found him. | 0:29:11 | 0:29:14 | |
Oh, God! Oliver that's... | 0:29:14 | 0:29:17 | |
Everyone blamed me. | 0:29:17 | 0:29:19 | |
They didn't say a word, but I could hear them whispering. | 0:29:19 | 0:29:22 | |
I couldn't bear it. | 0:29:22 | 0:29:25 | |
I took rat poison, when cook wasn't looking. | 0:29:25 | 0:29:28 | |
See? I told you you'd hate me. | 0:29:31 | 0:29:34 | |
Course I don't hate you. | 0:29:36 | 0:29:38 | |
I know what it's like to lose someone. | 0:29:38 | 0:29:41 | |
When I was 17, my mum walked out on me. | 0:29:41 | 0:29:44 | |
My dad couldn't cope, so all of a sudden I was the grown-up. | 0:29:44 | 0:29:49 | |
Had to look after all my little brothers. What choice did I have? | 0:29:49 | 0:29:54 | |
-Do you miss them? -Oh God, yeah! | 0:29:55 | 0:29:58 | |
Every single day. I'm fine so long as I don't think about it. | 0:29:58 | 0:30:02 | |
What happened to Albert, Oliver, wasn't your fault. | 0:30:04 | 0:30:07 | |
Just as what happened to me wasn't mine. | 0:30:07 | 0:30:10 | |
Do you really believe that? | 0:30:10 | 0:30:12 | |
Neither of us asked for this. | 0:30:12 | 0:30:15 | |
We have both had to pay the biggest price imaginable for things that... | 0:30:16 | 0:30:21 | |
for things that we can't control. | 0:30:21 | 0:30:24 | |
But what's done is done and we have to look forward now. | 0:30:24 | 0:30:28 | |
Or else eternity is going to seem like a very long time. | 0:30:28 | 0:30:32 | |
So, what do you say we go out and we have some fun? | 0:30:33 | 0:30:38 | |
Dodgems! | 0:30:52 | 0:30:53 | |
They've got dodgems! Come on! | 0:30:53 | 0:30:56 | |
Was you ever in the military? | 0:31:21 | 0:31:24 | |
Erm... | 0:31:24 | 0:31:25 | |
Briefly. | 0:31:25 | 0:31:27 | |
-A long time ago. -I knew it! | 0:31:27 | 0:31:30 | |
Soon as I clapped eyes on you I said to myself, "There's a military man." Something in your bearing. | 0:31:30 | 0:31:35 | |
-You're a cut above the rest of this shower. -I don't like to discuss my past. | 0:31:35 | 0:31:40 | |
You see that breaks my heart. That says to me that you're ashamed. | 0:31:40 | 0:31:45 | |
And of what? Cos you know the proper words for something? | 0:31:45 | 0:31:48 | |
Because you went out and got yourself an education? No, no, no. | 0:31:48 | 0:31:52 | |
That says to me that they've won. | 0:31:52 | 0:31:54 | |
Well... | 0:31:54 | 0:31:56 | |
sometimes it's just easier to hide one's light under a bushel. | 0:31:56 | 0:32:01 | |
Time was, people liked knowing their place. | 0:32:01 | 0:32:04 | |
It made them feel secure. But now, everyone's got to be top dog. | 0:32:04 | 0:32:09 | |
It's no wonder we're in the mess we're in. | 0:32:09 | 0:32:12 | |
People like things to be a little more meritocratic these days. | 0:32:13 | 0:32:16 | |
Yeah! See, that's exactly what I'm talking about! | 0:32:16 | 0:32:19 | |
"Meritocratic". Perfect. Beautiful that is. | 0:32:19 | 0:32:23 | |
That's just music. "Meritocratic". | 0:32:23 | 0:32:26 | |
Now why on earth would anyone be ashamed of that? | 0:32:26 | 0:32:29 | |
You're very...congenial. | 0:32:29 | 0:32:32 | |
"Congenial"! I love it! | 0:32:32 | 0:32:34 | |
Mind you... | 0:32:34 | 0:32:37 | |
I'm, erm.... | 0:32:37 | 0:32:38 | |
..very hush-hush about where I've been and things I've done. | 0:32:39 | 0:32:43 | |
People judge. | 0:32:43 | 0:32:45 | |
All I'm saying is, you're better than the lot of them. | 0:32:45 | 0:32:48 | |
And that used to be a blessing and now it's a curse. | 0:32:48 | 0:32:52 | |
The woman is the perpetrator's sister. The girl, her daughter. | 0:32:59 | 0:33:04 | |
And where's he? | 0:33:04 | 0:33:06 | |
Type 2's cannot be seen on cameras. | 0:33:06 | 0:33:09 | |
So he'll be... Yes, that must be him there! | 0:33:09 | 0:33:12 | |
They can't be seen on cameras? I could've done with that on Newsnight. | 0:33:12 | 0:33:15 | |
Clearly there was enormous emotional attachment between the perpetrator and his victims. | 0:33:15 | 0:33:19 | |
Yet, when the beast took over... | 0:33:19 | 0:33:22 | |
And as I said, these civilian deaths | 0:33:22 | 0:33:25 | |
are a result of my department's powers being scaled back. | 0:33:25 | 0:33:28 | |
When we close, the consequences could be catastrophic! | 0:33:28 | 0:33:31 | |
And I appreciate your concern, | 0:33:31 | 0:33:34 | |
but two deaths are nowhere near enough to warrant a U-turn. | 0:33:34 | 0:33:38 | |
-Look, I'm sure Special Branch are... -For Christ's sake, Alistair! | 0:33:38 | 0:33:41 | |
Special Branch haven't got a clue! | 0:33:41 | 0:33:44 | |
After everything I've done, I can't just... | 0:33:44 | 0:33:47 | |
-After all I've sacrificed! -Oh, for God's sake, grow up! | 0:33:47 | 0:33:50 | |
You think you're the only one losing funding, losing a job?! | 0:33:50 | 0:33:54 | |
I have to oversee this, I have to implement it and if I don't, I lose my job. | 0:33:54 | 0:34:00 | |
And that, my friend, is not an option. | 0:34:00 | 0:34:03 | |
Hal. | 0:34:10 | 0:34:11 | |
Hey, Hal! | 0:34:11 | 0:34:12 | |
Wow! This is nice! | 0:34:13 | 0:34:17 | |
This is nice. | 0:34:17 | 0:34:19 | |
I used to stay in places like this when I was a kid. | 0:34:19 | 0:34:22 | |
Me and my mum and me sister. Oops! Sister. That's a sore point. Hello! | 0:34:22 | 0:34:27 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:34:27 | 0:34:29 | |
-Wasn't Rook supposed to be taking care of you? -Yeah. | 0:34:30 | 0:34:33 | |
Yeah, no! Er, yeah. He was, but that's sort of finished now. | 0:34:33 | 0:34:37 | |
So, er... | 0:34:37 | 0:34:39 | |
I got a bit confused and I did some REALLY BAD THINGS! | 0:34:39 | 0:34:42 | |
And now I feel like I'm like I'm on the verge. | 0:34:42 | 0:34:45 | |
Not just of doing more bad things but of NOT CARING! | 0:34:45 | 0:34:48 | |
And the last bit of me, the last crumb of Crumb... | 0:34:48 | 0:34:51 | |
HE LAUGHS MANICALLY He wants you to stop it. To save him. | 0:34:51 | 0:34:56 | |
Listen... Listen to me... Listen to me. | 0:34:56 | 0:34:58 | |
You stay away. Because I will kill you. | 0:34:59 | 0:35:03 | |
There is so much more at stake than you. You are nothing to me now. | 0:35:03 | 0:35:06 | |
You are sediment, you are detritus, you are regret and disgust and nothing more. You stay away! | 0:35:06 | 0:35:12 | |
I have killed men and women and children, so just think how easy it will be to kill you. | 0:35:12 | 0:35:17 | |
Well, that's something we have in common then. | 0:35:20 | 0:35:23 | |
Stay away! No more warnings. | 0:35:26 | 0:35:28 | |
Oh, bravo, bravo, Hal! | 0:35:44 | 0:35:47 | |
That's the spirit. Keeping out the riff-raff. | 0:35:47 | 0:35:51 | |
Hope you're taking notes, Thomas! | 0:35:51 | 0:35:54 | |
-What the hell is this? -What? -Mm? | 0:36:05 | 0:36:08 | |
This is a soup spoon. | 0:36:08 | 0:36:10 | |
This is a dessert spoon. This goes here and this goes here. | 0:36:10 | 0:36:14 | |
And soup, afternoon tea? Come on, Tom, keep up! | 0:36:14 | 0:36:18 | |
-What difference does it make? -One is correct... | 0:36:18 | 0:36:21 | |
The other's the work of an imbecile! Do I have to do everything? | 0:36:21 | 0:36:24 | |
On top of all the other bullshit, now I've got to mop up after you?! | 0:36:24 | 0:36:28 | |
What is this allergy you have to doing things right? | 0:36:28 | 0:36:31 | |
You tell him, Hal. Keep him on his toes! | 0:36:31 | 0:36:33 | |
BOTH: Go away! | 0:36:33 | 0:36:35 | |
Mm! Grrrrrrr! | 0:36:35 | 0:36:37 | |
Hey! Manners, mister. | 0:36:37 | 0:36:40 | |
There's nothing you wouldn't do to beat me, is there? | 0:36:43 | 0:36:46 | |
But it doesn't matter how far you are up Patsy's bum, I'm going win this competition. | 0:36:46 | 0:36:49 | |
If only you could! I've been trying to throw the bloody thing all day! | 0:36:49 | 0:36:53 | |
But no matter how shit I try to be, you find a way of being shitter! | 0:36:53 | 0:36:58 | |
What's your secret? No really, I'm dying to know. | 0:36:58 | 0:37:01 | |
Shall we pop in, surprise them? | 0:37:09 | 0:37:13 | |
They're working. They'll be really grumpy. | 0:37:13 | 0:37:15 | |
Yeah, go on. | 0:37:17 | 0:37:18 | |
Excuse me. | 0:37:19 | 0:37:21 | |
Thank you. | 0:37:23 | 0:37:24 | |
-Boo! -Did we scare you?! | 0:37:28 | 0:37:31 | |
-What's wrong with him? -Nothing a silver bullet wouldn't cure. | 0:37:31 | 0:37:35 | |
You really think you're all it, don't you? | 0:37:35 | 0:37:38 | |
If by "all it" you mean a competent adult, | 0:37:38 | 0:37:41 | |
capable of making independent decisions based on intuition and logic, then yes, I do. | 0:37:41 | 0:37:46 | |
The joke's on you then, ain't it? Because by "all it" I meant a git with a big weird face. | 0:37:46 | 0:37:50 | |
-Is this about this stupid bloody competition? -BOTH: You're stupid! | 0:37:50 | 0:37:54 | |
Table seven, tea and scones, stat! | 0:37:54 | 0:37:57 | |
I can do it, honestly. I had it, so I've still got it. | 0:37:57 | 0:38:01 | |
Fine. | 0:38:01 | 0:38:03 | |
-Tea, madam? -Milk first. | 0:38:11 | 0:38:13 | |
-What? -Milk first, then tea. So you don't damage the china. | 0:38:13 | 0:38:17 | |
-If you pour the tea first, you can decide how much milk you want. -Sorry about him. He's new and an idiot. | 0:38:17 | 0:38:22 | |
You're the boss. You're the boss. | 0:38:23 | 0:38:26 | |
Ooh! D'oh! | 0:38:31 | 0:38:33 | |
Whoopsie! | 0:38:33 | 0:38:35 | |
OK. All right. | 0:38:55 | 0:38:57 | |
-That's cool with me. Everything's fine. -Tom. Tom. | 0:38:57 | 0:39:00 | |
Tom! Tom! TOM! | 0:39:00 | 0:39:02 | |
-Will you stop that! -WHAT? | 0:39:14 | 0:39:16 | |
I'm so sorry, ladies and gentlemen! I do apologise! | 0:39:16 | 0:39:20 | |
Clean this up! And then report to me. | 0:39:22 | 0:39:25 | |
The pair of you! | 0:39:25 | 0:39:28 | |
Get her back to the house! | 0:39:32 | 0:39:35 | |
Alex, I want to go home! | 0:39:37 | 0:39:40 | |
Yeah, good call! We'll see you guys back at the house! | 0:39:40 | 0:39:44 | |
That was brilliant! Did you see the look on Hal's face? | 0:39:47 | 0:39:51 | |
What's up? I thought you were having a good time. | 0:39:53 | 0:39:56 | |
There's something I need to tell you. About why I'm here. | 0:39:57 | 0:40:02 | |
-What is it? -I'm sorry, Alex. | 0:40:02 | 0:40:05 | |
EVIL VOICE MUTTERING | 0:40:14 | 0:40:16 | |
-What's going on? -We need to get out of here! | 0:40:16 | 0:40:19 | |
Yeah. Yeah, let's go. | 0:40:19 | 0:40:21 | |
EVIL VOICE MUTTERING | 0:40:21 | 0:40:25 | |
-What's wrong? -I can't Rentaghost. | 0:40:25 | 0:40:27 | |
Right, it's OK. We're going to have to do this the old-fashioned way. | 0:40:27 | 0:40:31 | |
EVIL VOICE MUTTERING | 0:40:31 | 0:40:35 | |
DOOR LOCK RATTLES | 0:40:35 | 0:40:39 | |
Who are you?! Come on, show yourselves! Who are you?! | 0:40:41 | 0:40:45 | |
Oh, God! Oh, God! | 0:40:45 | 0:40:47 | |
Oliver, Oliver! It's all right! There's nothing there. | 0:40:47 | 0:40:50 | |
-Listen, it's just a trick. See? -Aaah! | 0:40:50 | 0:40:53 | |
Oliver, listen to me! It's OK. Look! See? | 0:40:53 | 0:40:57 | |
Look, it's just a trick. Just a trick. | 0:40:57 | 0:41:00 | |
-Aaaaah! -Oliver! | 0:41:06 | 0:41:08 | |
This isn't fair! I didn't agree to this! | 0:41:11 | 0:41:15 | |
In here. It's OK. | 0:41:15 | 0:41:16 | |
It's OK. I'll look after you. Whatever happens. I promise you, OK? | 0:41:17 | 0:41:21 | |
POUNDING ON THE DOOR | 0:41:21 | 0:41:27 | |
POUNDING STOPS | 0:41:31 | 0:41:33 | |
I just want to play. Please, Oliver! | 0:41:33 | 0:41:36 | |
I've been looking for you everywhere. Why do you keep running away from me? | 0:41:36 | 0:41:40 | |
-Open the door. -What?! | 0:41:40 | 0:41:42 | |
Oliver, you can't keep hiding. | 0:41:42 | 0:41:45 | |
-You have to talk to him, you have to face him. -I can't! | 0:41:45 | 0:41:48 | |
Oliver, you didn't do anything wrong, OK? It wasn't your fault. | 0:41:48 | 0:41:51 | |
I wanted him dead! I wished he was gone! And then he died! | 0:41:51 | 0:41:55 | |
Oliver, I wished my brothers were gone all the time! | 0:41:55 | 0:41:59 | |
I never meant it though and neither did you. | 0:41:59 | 0:42:01 | |
It was a terrible accident and you didn't do anything wrong, | 0:42:01 | 0:42:04 | |
but you have to let go of this. | 0:42:04 | 0:42:07 | |
I didn't make it happen? | 0:42:07 | 0:42:10 | |
I think that's what Albert's been trying to tell you all this time. | 0:42:10 | 0:42:14 | |
I think that's why he's been looking for you. | 0:42:14 | 0:42:17 | |
Come on. | 0:42:17 | 0:42:18 | |
Open the door. | 0:42:18 | 0:42:20 | |
DOOR HINGES SQUEAK | 0:42:34 | 0:42:37 | |
I'm sorry, Albert. | 0:42:52 | 0:42:55 | |
I'm so sorry. | 0:42:55 | 0:42:57 | |
Go with him. It's OK. | 0:43:03 | 0:43:06 | |
Thank you. | 0:43:13 | 0:43:16 | |
AAAAAAH! | 0:43:16 | 0:43:18 | |
AAAAAAAH! | 0:43:18 | 0:43:19 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:43:19 | 0:43:22 | |
AAAAAAAH!!!! | 0:43:22 | 0:43:24 | |
I don't understand! We're back in the attic. | 0:43:32 | 0:43:34 | |
Give him | 0:43:45 | 0:43:47 | |
to us-s-s! | 0:43:47 | 0:43:48 | |
Not going to happen. | 0:43:48 | 0:43:50 | |
One of you is coming with us-s-s. | 0:43:50 | 0:43:53 | |
Well, take me. | 0:43:53 | 0:43:54 | |
You would take his place in hell? | 0:43:54 | 0:43:58 | |
He's just a kid! | 0:43:58 | 0:44:00 | |
-Alex! -No! | 0:44:00 | 0:44:02 | |
No, I promised you that I would look after you, OK? | 0:44:02 | 0:44:06 | |
This is just what big sisters do. | 0:44:06 | 0:44:08 | |
Right... When Hal and Tom get back, tell them exactly what happened. | 0:44:08 | 0:44:13 | |
Tell them that this was my choice, OK? Have you got that? | 0:44:13 | 0:44:17 | |
-OK, let's do this. -No! | 0:44:19 | 0:44:23 | |
This is what they wanted! The whole thing was a trap! That's why they sent me here! | 0:44:23 | 0:44:28 | |
So you want to play with us-s-s... | 0:44:41 | 0:44:45 | |
little girl? | 0:44:45 | 0:44:47 | |
Oliver! Somebody needs you. | 0:44:53 | 0:44:57 | |
-I can't just leave you... -Oliver, just go! | 0:44:57 | 0:45:01 | |
Hello, Oliver. | 0:45:12 | 0:45:13 | |
Hello, Albert. | 0:45:13 | 0:45:15 | |
And remember to close...the door! | 0:45:19 | 0:45:22 | |
DOOR SLAMS SHUT | 0:45:22 | 0:45:25 | |
How you going to get back now, eh? | 0:45:30 | 0:45:32 | |
How long d'you think that you can survive in this world? | 0:45:32 | 0:45:36 | |
Not long, I reckon... | 0:45:36 | 0:45:38 | |
slash hope. | 0:45:38 | 0:45:40 | |
OK, any time you want to start bursting into flames or whatever it is you do, just... | 0:45:41 | 0:45:46 | |
feel free. | 0:45:46 | 0:45:48 | |
You're... | 0:45:48 | 0:45:50 | |
too late. | 0:45:50 | 0:45:52 | |
The end | 0:45:52 | 0:45:54 | |
has begun. | 0:45:54 | 0:45:55 | |
Night | 0:45:55 | 0:45:56 | |
will fall. | 0:45:56 | 0:45:59 | |
And he... | 0:45:59 | 0:46:01 | |
will... | 0:46:01 | 0:46:03 | |
RIIIISSSE!!!! | 0:46:03 | 0:46:06 | |
-I don't know how I can have allowed myself to get dragged into this ridiculous... -No. | 0:46:24 | 0:46:28 | |
I know all too well how it happened, Hal. | 0:46:28 | 0:46:31 | |
It's him! The Svengali! The arch manipulator! | 0:46:31 | 0:46:35 | |
He may look like someone's pulled a monkey from a tree and shaved it. | 0:46:35 | 0:46:40 | |
That's how he drags people into his theatre of lies. | 0:46:40 | 0:46:42 | |
You've met Tom, haven't you? You've spoken to him? | 0:46:42 | 0:46:45 | |
Nah, she's right. | 0:46:45 | 0:46:47 | |
I knew as soon as I seen this place I wouldn't fit in. Who was I kidding? | 0:46:47 | 0:46:50 | |
You've left me no choice, Tom. Pack up your things and get out of here. | 0:46:50 | 0:46:54 | |
-No... Patsy, don't you think...? -I've made my decision. | 0:46:54 | 0:46:58 | |
This whole experience has been incredibly stressful. | 0:46:58 | 0:47:02 | |
So, Hal, if you wanted to give me a back-rub that would be fine... | 0:47:02 | 0:47:06 | |
Now you listen to me. | 0:47:06 | 0:47:09 | |
If you want this place to succeed, then Tom McNair is exactly the sort of employee you need. | 0:47:09 | 0:47:13 | |
The problem with you, Patsy, is that you are an inveterate snob. | 0:47:13 | 0:47:18 | |
You'd rather reward someone who is well spoken and disinterested, | 0:47:18 | 0:47:21 | |
than someone who is a little rough around the edges but utterly committed. | 0:47:21 | 0:47:26 | |
That is not an environment I wish to work in. So if he goes, I go. | 0:47:26 | 0:47:31 | |
Well, that was stupid. Now none of us have got a job. | 0:47:33 | 0:47:35 | |
I think the phrase you're looking for is "thank you". | 0:47:35 | 0:47:38 | |
-What is it? What's wrong? -Where's Oliver? | 0:47:50 | 0:47:53 | |
He's gone. | 0:47:53 | 0:47:55 | |
SEAGULLS CRY | 0:47:59 | 0:48:02 | |
Mr Crumb...? | 0:48:21 | 0:48:22 | |
Sent you to find me, did he? | 0:48:25 | 0:48:27 | |
No. I'm not part of that world any more. | 0:48:27 | 0:48:31 | |
I'd run along if I were you. I haven't had my tea. | 0:48:31 | 0:48:35 | |
That's why I wanted to see you, Mr Crumb. | 0:48:36 | 0:48:39 | |
My work with the Department has compromised me. | 0:48:42 | 0:48:46 | |
I've got very little humanity left to lose now. | 0:48:46 | 0:48:49 | |
I want you to recruit me. | 0:48:49 | 0:48:52 | |
This is another trick. | 0:48:52 | 0:48:54 | |
I would never lie to a player of Flaming Orc. | 0:48:55 | 0:48:58 | |
You are...a Fellow Traveller? | 0:49:01 | 0:49:04 | |
I have been known to drink a flagon of mead at Gedruff's Tavern. | 0:49:04 | 0:49:07 | |
No, the agents of the Spider-King have many disguises and they riddle most prettily. | 0:49:10 | 0:49:16 | |
Your caution does you credit. | 0:49:16 | 0:49:18 | |
Imagine you're in the citadel. | 0:49:18 | 0:49:22 | |
Before you, the diamond dragon, what do you do? | 0:49:22 | 0:49:25 | |
Why, use the invisibility hex, of course. | 0:49:25 | 0:49:28 | |
What, against the diamond dragon?! | 0:49:28 | 0:49:31 | |
Oh no, I'm thinking of the crystal dragon! | 0:49:32 | 0:49:35 | |
Oh my God, you must think I'm a right noob! Ha! | 0:49:35 | 0:49:39 | |
You close your eyes, put your faith in the Flaming Orc... | 0:49:41 | 0:49:45 | |
and roll the dice. | 0:49:46 | 0:49:48 | |
# She's not coming home | 0:49:54 | 0:49:57 | |
# Tonight | 0:49:57 | 0:49:59 | |
# She's says that she's left | 0:50:00 | 0:50:04 | |
# For ever | 0:50:04 | 0:50:05 | |
# And you're staying in the house... # | 0:50:08 | 0:50:12 | |
Love you, Sis. | 0:50:13 | 0:50:15 | |
# Where she's going to live | 0:50:15 | 0:50:17 | |
# For ever | 0:50:17 | 0:50:19 | |
# And the memories grow | 0:50:19 | 0:50:23 | |
# It reminds there's no-one there | 0:50:23 | 0:50:27 | |
# Time is nothing but a lie | 0:50:27 | 0:50:29 | |
# If she's not coming | 0:50:29 | 0:50:32 | |
# Home tonight | 0:50:32 | 0:50:34 | |
# Da-da, da-da... # | 0:50:36 | 0:50:37 | |
Time to say goodbye. | 0:50:37 | 0:50:39 | |
Of course. It's what we expected. | 0:50:41 | 0:50:45 | |
Not to you, you idiot. To them. To this. | 0:50:45 | 0:50:49 | |
Really? | 0:50:49 | 0:50:51 | |
They've started rebuilding their world. | 0:50:51 | 0:50:53 | |
As the distance gets greater and greater, they're just going to get stronger and stronger. | 0:50:54 | 0:50:59 | |
To watch that happen will be like slowly dying again. | 0:51:00 | 0:51:04 | |
I've got to move on, as much as they do. | 0:51:06 | 0:51:09 | |
Come on. Let's go home. | 0:51:13 | 0:51:15 | |
One thing I don't understand. | 0:51:22 | 0:51:24 | |
OK, I get the fact that the Men with Sticks and Ropes were after me, | 0:51:24 | 0:51:27 | |
cos that's what they do - go after ghosts that haven't moved on but... | 0:51:27 | 0:51:32 | |
I thought they couldn't cross into this plane? | 0:51:32 | 0:51:35 | |
They can't. Not in their true form. | 0:51:35 | 0:51:38 | |
Well, they managed it somehow. | 0:51:38 | 0:51:40 | |
And there was something else as well. Before they left, he said, "He will rise." | 0:51:40 | 0:51:46 | |
What does that mean? Who will rise? | 0:51:46 | 0:51:49 | |
It's as if something's changing. As if the barriers between the worlds are becoming weaker. | 0:51:49 | 0:51:54 | |
-And that's not good, is it? -No. That is very not good. | 0:51:54 | 0:51:58 | |
ENGINE STARTS | 0:51:58 | 0:52:00 | |
-ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS -'Hello, it's Patsy. | 0:52:00 | 0:52:03 | |
'I'm just phoning to say maybe you were right, Hal...' | 0:52:03 | 0:52:08 | |
Perhaps I was a little hasty. | 0:52:08 | 0:52:11 | |
And we're short staffed as it is, so let's let bygones be bygones. | 0:52:11 | 0:52:17 | |
I'll expect you both in at the usual time. | 0:52:17 | 0:52:21 | |
You made the right decision. | 0:52:27 | 0:52:29 | |
It's going to be all hands on deck, because, erm... | 0:52:29 | 0:52:34 | |
Come here, sweetheart. | 0:52:34 | 0:52:36 | |
Your blood pressure's about to go through the roof. | 0:52:43 | 0:52:47 | |
But that's modern living for you. The stress. | 0:52:47 | 0:52:51 | |
Oh, you've got something on your... | 0:52:51 | 0:52:54 | |
Do you need a tissue? I've got one somewhere. | 0:52:54 | 0:52:57 | |
I'm sorry! This one's a bit snotty. | 0:52:59 | 0:53:02 | |
There, this one's not too bad. | 0:53:03 | 0:53:06 | |
Oh, now you got something on your face. | 0:53:06 | 0:53:10 | |
Oh! | 0:53:10 | 0:53:12 | |
Oh! | 0:53:12 | 0:53:13 | |
And I'm all out of tissues. Isn't that a nuisance? | 0:53:15 | 0:53:19 | |
Best part of a century I've waited for this. | 0:53:26 | 0:53:30 | |
Stuck in this chair, in this body. | 0:53:31 | 0:53:34 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:53:34 | 0:53:37 | |
And now here they are. | 0:53:37 | 0:53:39 | |
A vampire and a werewolf, | 0:53:39 | 0:53:42 | |
under the same roof! | 0:53:42 | 0:53:44 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:53:44 | 0:53:46 | |
It's as if someone's smuggled in a file in a cake. | 0:53:49 | 0:53:53 | |
And all I have to do is stir them up a bit | 0:53:54 | 0:53:57 | |
and wait for the power to rise | 0:53:57 | 0:54:00 | |
and carry me out of here on a great wave. | 0:54:00 | 0:54:03 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:54:03 | 0:54:05 | |
Trinity though. | 0:54:07 | 0:54:09 | |
I don't like that. | 0:54:09 | 0:54:12 | |
The ghost will have to go. | 0:54:12 | 0:54:14 | |
I sent some of my boys round, but she's a stubborn bit of gristle. | 0:54:16 | 0:54:21 | |
I'll think of something. | 0:54:23 | 0:54:26 | |
I'm getting stronger every day. | 0:54:27 | 0:54:30 | |
And when the time is right, I will rise. | 0:54:31 | 0:54:34 | |
And then... | 0:54:35 | 0:54:37 | |
I'm going to drain the world dry. | 0:54:37 | 0:54:40 | |
I'm going to lap up every drop of hope and love | 0:54:41 | 0:54:45 | |
and feel it run down my chin. | 0:54:45 | 0:54:48 | |
I'm going to turn men into beasts, | 0:54:48 | 0:54:51 | |
and ruin their women and spit poison into their children. | 0:54:51 | 0:54:54 | |
I'm going to scorch the earth | 0:54:54 | 0:54:57 | |
with proper Old Testament despair. | 0:54:57 | 0:55:01 | |
And teach them that the Gods are there to be feared. | 0:55:01 | 0:55:04 | |
And everything you love will die and everything you're scared of will come true. | 0:55:04 | 0:55:10 | |
Ugh! | 0:55:13 | 0:55:14 | |
You're a right old state. | 0:55:15 | 0:55:17 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:55:17 | 0:55:19 | |
You need to freshen up, my love. | 0:55:19 | 0:55:21 | |
Why don't you go take a dip in the sea? | 0:55:21 | 0:55:24 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:55:30 | 0:55:32 | |
Now it's been a while, so I might be a wee bit rusty. | 0:55:34 | 0:55:38 | |
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT AND STARTS TO PLAY | 0:55:44 | 0:55:47 | |
SHE PLAYS A WALTZ BADLY | 0:55:47 | 0:55:51 | |
I've still got it! | 0:55:55 | 0:55:57 | |
This is brilliant. Now I've got all the time in the world to really focus on my music. | 0:55:59 | 0:56:04 | |
Just like falling off a log! | 0:56:04 | 0:56:07 | |
-Certainly sounds like it. -What? | 0:56:07 | 0:56:10 | |
It's lovely! It's beautiful. | 0:56:10 | 0:56:13 | |
HER PLAYING CONTINUES | 0:56:13 | 0:56:17 | |
Time to dust off that bikini and hit the beach. | 0:56:17 | 0:56:21 | |
Larry Chrysler will see you there! | 0:56:21 | 0:56:23 | |
GROWLING | 0:56:25 | 0:56:27 | |
Yeah, there's a new player in town and he's got the skills and the looks and the motivation. | 0:56:27 | 0:56:31 | |
Lady Mary... | 0:56:31 | 0:56:34 | |
allow me to introduce Alex. | 0:56:34 | 0:56:36 | |
I don't have a family. I don't have any hobbies. The job was my life... | 0:56:36 | 0:56:41 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:57:09 | 0:57:12 |