In Deep Comedy Feeds

Fresh experimental comedy from BBC Three.

'It was a city with eight million stories. This is ours.

'Two maverick cops on a dark and dangerous quest for the truth...

'..who broke the rules, risked everything, and ended up...

'in deep.

'Bruv, what does that even mean?

-'In deep?

-I thought it sounded kind of cool.

'Mate, it sounds like a porno. Look, cut the bullshit.

'This is a story about us. Two bored constables going nowhere.

'And it started...in a Hyundai.'

# Watch us wreck the mic Watch us wreck the mic

# Watch us wreck the mic Psyche

# Let's get ready to rumble Let's get ready to rumble

# Get ready, get steady, get ready Everybody rumble. #

Show me some action.

My eight-year-old son whines less than you.

But it's been months since we've even had a stabbing.

And that didn't even kill the guy!

-You sure you don't want a chip?

-I'll have one.

Whoa there, Jessie J Jr, keep your head out the window.

I don't want vomit on my seats, thank you very much.

Can I have my bag back, please?

Just a routine search, angel. What's this?

I wouldn't bother, to be honest.

It's just girls stuff, really.

You know, tampons, tissues and...

Oh-oh.

..talcum powder?

The white stuff.

HE SNIFFS

Sweet Uncle Charlie.

Snowy day at Grandma's house.

Oi. Give me that. Fill that out.

Your turn, Scarface.

This has got to be the worst case ever!

How comes everyone else get all the fun stuff

and we're left on the shitting beat!

Reality check, Jimmy. This? This is us. You work your way up.

You garner experience.

Even if that means having to deal with 15-year-old girls

who broke their boyfriend's nose with an iPhone.

It was a Samsung Galaxy!

Maybe, just maybe, if we do the job right for long enough,

we'll be on a murder case some day.

But until then, the best you can do is keep your head down,

your nose clean and

your car exactly how it was given to you.

WRETCHING

Sorry.

Wow. It's so sad, you know?

Yeah, this should have been our case.

I meant the dead woman.

Oh, yeah. She is so fit.

Oh, you're sick, you know that?

Not her, HER - The DI.

Jennifer Wong. We had a little thing during training.

I'll get us on this case.

You just watch and learn, my friend.

Jimmy, it's cool!

Neighbour said her name's Grace Summers.

Looks like she jumped to escape the fire.

Damn, girl, long time. What's the dealio?

Jimmy Swann?

Jesus, are you still on this beat?

Listen, I was thinking maybe we could...

Crack this case together then fuck like bunnies to celebrate?

-Really?

-Absolutely not.

You're a constable, Jimmy. You're not working on this case.

-Yeah, but...

-Just because I flew easyJet once

doesn't mean I have a loyalty card.

This - this wasn't an accident, all right? This was murder.

Other side of the tape.

The calluses on her fingertips mean she was a writer.

Probably a journalist, judging by the charred remains of that

Dictaphone on her sofa.

She was working on a story so damn hot that someone...

someone wanted to keep her quiet for good!

No, it was a fire started by a kettle.

-But, just...

-Other side of the tape.

I think she's really into you.

Shut up.

Look smart, people, DCI Lehane's here.

Oi, Briggsy, I want the DNA report done properly, yeah?

No fuck-ups. And tell your mum to stop calling me.

If I wanted a posh tart I'd go to Waitrose.

And just try not to jizz all over the evidence for once, yeah?

Knobhead, you phone this in?

Yes, sir,

and I would have taken notes...

but your mum...

asked...

if I wanted...

to have sex.

A woman has died.

I did draw a diagram...

Look. Lamppost. Vehicles. Onlookers.

I'm not really that good at faces, I'm afraid.

I probably went a bit overboard with the shading.

If you take a closer look, that's supposed to be a dog.

Artistic licence.

I did art GCSE so...

That might be a splash of vomit, actually.

Don't touch that!

You'll see I've tried to, you know, capture the shock of the moment...

All right, Picasso, that's enough.

Why's my time being wasted

with Blue fucking Peter and domestic fires?

'OK, I know it looks bad but I am not a perv.

'I just spotted some vital evidence

'that the so-called real detectives missed.

-'You're feeling up a corpse.

-In a professional capacity.

-'Perv.

-Professional.

-Perv!'

Yep, definitely dead.

At least someone round here had the balls to make sure.

So...we better get our young drug suspect back to the station for...

..swabbing.

Let's go! Let's go!

Are you off your nut?

What were you doing fiddling with a dead girl's..

Urgh!

Call me Dr Dolittle

because the pussy talked.

Oh, you found that up a dead girl's kiki. Nice!

Kim - 13A White Post Lane.

Is this evidence stolen from a crime scene?!

Nathan, don't you know how these things work?

I mean, have you never seen a film? It's called a clue.

-A clue she hid in the only place she could.

-Sick!

-Quiet!

-And if we don't follow it, that girl will have died for nothing.

Does this count as work experience for my UCAS?

You better be taking us back to the station.

I am. It's a short cut.

This is just like Beverly Hills Cop!

Stamford Hill Cop, more like.

White Post Lane. Oh, my God.

-Have you actually gone insane?

-Maybe I have.

But I've got a hunch, and I live by my hunches.

-That's how I get results.

-Results?

Last week you had to let a shoplifter go

because you ate the evidence!

Jimmy, you can not search a private property without a warrant.

You'll get reported.

We need to go undercover!

-What?!

-Yes!

I'll pretend to be...Shayne.

Shayne Dixon, a gas repair man with an eye for the ladies.

-No way.

-Even the drunk girl sees sense.

What kind of gas man works at this hour?

My dad works for EDF and no way are they paying for that kind of

overtime this late in the tax year.

-There's no other option - you've got to go gay.

-Huh?!

You're going to a girl's apartment in the middle of the night.

Look at the state of you.

You look more like a sex pest than a gas man - she's going to freak.

-I don't know. It's sort of...

-A sackable offence?!

-..out of my comfort zone.

It's easy - Shayne was Grace's BFF.

It's the perfect non-threatening alter-ego.

Gay best friend?!

A minute ago you were in Beverley Hills Cop

now you're in some shit '90s sitcom.

I ain't finished. He also works as a sports psychologist.

See? Masculine, modern, complex.

All right, and don't tell me - he's lactose intolerant and gluten-free.

I love it. I'm in. Nate, you can be...

His new boyfriend, Tyrone.

You met on Grindr, but you're totally soul mates.

There's no way we are doing this.

Fine, don't be my boyfriend.

-Boom!

-Let's do this!

Right...

Even before you break rank and assume a false identity,

you've stolen evidence from a crime scene.

Now you're going to abandon your beat without permission?

-Chill out, Robocop.

-This may be a joke to you but I have a son.

-I cannot afford to get fired!

-Look, Nathan...

Jimmy Swann, I am arresting you for perverting..

What are you doing, Nathan? This is not a joke, all right?

Yes, we might bend some rules tonight

but tomorrow we'll go into that station with our heads held high,

knowing that we've done something real.

Let's be heroes. Plus you look kind of scary...

which might help.

You're on your own.

Nathan!

Oh, don't leave me with the boring one!

MUSIC: "Sunglasses At Night" by TIGA

Hi, Kim, honey, it's Shayne. Grace told me to speak to you.

No. Mentioned you? No.

Just go in, suss her out, see what she knows.

Macho, modern, complex.

KNOCKING

Kim?

Kim, it's Shayne.

Shayne Dixon.

I'm a friend of Grace's.

I know it must be scary

having a strange man at your door in the middle of the night

but I can assure you I'm totally non-threatening, hon'.

OK, I'm going to have to come back another time

to tell you the news about Grace.

TOILET FLUSHES

Kim?

You know being a responsible person doesn't make you a boring one?

Mm-hm.

For your information, I used to be pretty wild.

Uh-huh.

But, you know, being a parent, you can't just...

I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm telling you all this.

Hold up, Chiara, baby, my man in uniform's having a meltdown.

Call me back in ten.

I can't believe she's dead.

There you are, Shayne.

Soy Macchiato, strictly no lactose.

So you and Grace seem pretty close?

Not really, no.

Friend of a friend.

She went to school with Penny, who I'm sure you know.

Penny! Yes.

I mean, who doesn't know Penny, right?

Right.

Well, I used to work at a software company with Penny's flatmate, Greg.

You know, Greg with the...

Moustache.

Motor neurone disease.

Of course. That Greg.

It's just that, you know, Grace really seemed to trust you

as a source of information.

Mm.

-Actually, that makes sense.

-Really? Why?

Well...

-I probably shouldn't tell you this but...

-No, look, it's fine, Kim.

Remember, I'm Shayne Dixon - sports psychologist.

Patient confidentiality.

OK.

I taught her

how to illegally download TV shows...

She was really into Game Of Thrones.

Look, honey, all relationships go through a rough patch.

In some ways, you're the brave one for sticking to your guns

and taking me downtown.

-RADIO:

-'All units from Oscar Lima.

'Further information on the deceased Grace Summers.

'Forensics is now pointing to a suspected murder.

'Will all units please report to...'

I mean, someone's got to do the paperwork, you feel me?

TOILET FLUSHES

Yeah, I should probably head off soon.

Tyrone's at home waiting for me now.

Where did you say you met Grace again, Shayne?

Grace? We were in the same...

the same drama club.

You don't strike me as much of an actor.

No? You know, I was...I was mainly in charge of refreshments.

Orange squash, biscuits. That...that kind of thing.

Are you lying to me, Shayne?

No. I'm just a non-threatening gay guy in a long term relationship...

You're gay, I get it. So what?

I'm just saying! Look, please, don't hurt me, Kim!

-I just fancied a slice...

-I thought you said you were gluten-free?

You better be his dietician.

-Walk away.

-Listen, cuz...

..I've got a five-zone Oyster with unlimited top-up

so unlucky for you

I ain't walking anywhere.

Cos, son,

no-one picks on my boyfriend.

'Wow. You really saved the day(!)

Who keeps a gun in a pizza box?!

-'Expect the unexpected!

-You expected Kim to be a hot girl.

'Whatever.

'And so we were in deep.

'Still sounds like a porno.'