Fantastic Beats & Where to Find Them Comic Relief


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Fantastic Beats & Where to Find Them

Jonathan Ross and Noel Fielding join forces to look back at some very special Red Nose Day musical memories from the past 30 years.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

Hey, Vinyl Pimp, great name for a record store.

:00:00.:00:09.

But unfortunately we sold our only copy

:00:10.:00:17.

I've been cataloguing all the records.

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Welcome to Fantastic Beats Where To Find Them.

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For the next 90 minutes, we'll be looking back at over 30 years of

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great music from the Comic Relief archives,

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bringing you not only the most brilliant performances

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but some of the more frightening moments as well.

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And all that Noel and I ask in return is that you text

:00:44.:00:47.

Every pound really makes a huge difference.

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I like it a lot, but what about Beauty And The Beats?

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Anyway, think of us as your DJs for the evening.

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And this show as like a jumbo red nose jukebox.

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But instead of popping in a quid for three songs, we want

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you to text and give us as much as you can,

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and in return here's what you can look forward to.

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Coming up tonight on Fantastic Beats Where To Find Them, we look back

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at the best tribute acts Comic Relief has ever seen.

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As well as those odd pairings only Red Nose Day could put together.

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There's the best of Peter Kay's musical contributions.

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Live performances from Adele, Sam Smith,

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Tonnes of great sketches featuring Coldplay and the

:01:33.:01:37.

The brilliant French and Saunders in Mamma Mia.

:01:38.:01:45.

You know, they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

:01:46.:01:52.

I'm not sure about that. I think it might be stalking.

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But first, Comic Relief has a fine tradition of tribute acts.

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Let's have a look at some of the very best copycats in action.

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Wait, wait, what's the first line again?

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No, wait. Sorry.

:02:12.:02:17.

# I never needed anybody's help in any way

:02:18.:02:37.

# Help me if you can I'm feeling down

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# And I do appreciate you being round

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# Help me get my feet back on the ground

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# When it gets tough gotta fight some more

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# We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love #.

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You know, if Cheryl ever wanted to call it a day,

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I think Rufus could take over for her.

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Not so much the singing, but the modelling.

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He's got the lips, the hips, the look.

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# And they checked my pulse and it gave them hope

:03:56.:04:19.

# That there was no truth to what was wrote

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# Give me half as much but twice as fast today

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The thing is, Robert Webb gets all the credit,

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but anyone who knows them knows that the real dancer

:05:43.:05:44.

I don't want you to embarrass yourself in front of the kids.

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You've embarrassed yourself in front of the kids.

:06:06.:06:09.

# You're swelling out in the wrong direction

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# You've got the bug, superstar you've been bitten

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# Your trumpet's blowing for far too long

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# Climbing the snake of the ladder, but you're wrong

:06:19.:06:22.

# I said who do you think you are

:06:23.:06:27.

# Swing it, shake it, move it, make it

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# Trust it, use it, prove it, groove it

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# Swing it, shake it, move it, make it

:06:46.:06:49.

# Trust it, use it, prove it, groove it

:06:50.:06:53.

# I'll state my case, of which I'm certain

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# I've travelled each and every highway...

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I was moved, but not as much as I would have been moved by almost

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any other combination of people doing that song.

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Saving the best till last, and I'm using the word

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Before we get carried away, let me just remind everyone.

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We're not just looking at fantastic beats.

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I know, but you're so excited, it's odd.

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So, we're looking at fantastic beats but there's also been one or two

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questionable numbers over the years.

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One or two, are you joking? I've picked out a whole top ten.

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It's going to be so exciting, this bit.

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Every good clip show needs a countdown.

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So here's my top ten I Can't Believe Comic Relief Put That On TV.

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At number ten, it's Jo Brand and Ruby Wax performing

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How did they remember all those lyrics?

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And at number nine it's Vanessa Feltz serenading Jack Dee

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with a twist on the Elvis Costello classic She.

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As he increasingly thinks falling to his death might

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At number eight, can Gareth Malone really teach anyone to sing?

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# A full commitment's what I'm thinking now

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# You wouldn't get this from any other guy

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We have more fantastic beats just around the corner, but first we need

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you all to do a little something for us.

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It's time for a short film that shows just how important it is you

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Well, I'm back on Comic Relief and what a journey it's been.

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A youngish man with a lush coloured beard and a very peculiar shirt.

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Today, ladies and gentlemen, I finished my first novel.

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It's taken me a long time to read a book, but there you go.

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Seem to remember I cracked a joke or two.

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Quite fun there, as well, but I saw some terrible things, too.

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Standing beside me just now, this is Sophia.

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Just over a year ago she was playing in a field with her sister.

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She jumped over a wall and landed on a landmine.

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Sophia lost her legs and her sister lost her life.

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I was glad to do my bit, just to pass on to the British public what

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it was actually like in tough places like that.

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And I went back there again a few years later.

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And saw the amazing things your generosity pays for.

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That girl being reunited with her dad for a day.

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And then, of course, I made a bloody fool of myself,

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running naked around Piccadilly Circus.

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I think it made a million quid, but who knows?

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Certainly frightened some poor innocent pedestrians.

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Then back to Africa, worst hospital I've ever seen.

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Would you like a wee glimpse of hell?

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But I don't know if if I would have ever have guessed

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this, the latest version of me on Red Nose Day.

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So it's time for me to bring it home and ask you to spare a

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few quid for the work you and Comic Relief support in the UK.

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So let me seem a bit selfish and say, it would be great

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if you could give a bit of thought and a bit of cash to the oldies.

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Life can get very hard for old people.

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If they're not well and they're completely on their own.

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It's an amazing thing, Red Nose night.

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Utter generosity changing the lives of millions of strangers.

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If you've got some spare cash, spare it for someone not very

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different from your granny or your grandfather.

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Because if you don't give ?1 million, I'm

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off again, and you wouldn't like that.

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And then, who knows, maybe back on the show, maybe not.

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But very proud of the stuff we've done together.

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Please call 03457 910 910 or go to bbc.co.uk/rednoseday.

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# But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

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# I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

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# Never mind, I'll find someone like you

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# I wish nothing but the best for you too

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# Don't forget me, I beg I'll remember you said

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# Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead

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That was the sensational Adele performing on Red

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Now, please, spare anything you can to help make

:15:57.:16:01.

And we've made it ridiculously easy to hand over your money.

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All you have to do to give ?10 is text the word yes to 70210.

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Or, and this is the one that we'd really like,

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to give ?20 please text yes to 70220.

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Texts cost your chosen donation amount

:16:17.:16:19.

plus your standard network message charge.

:16:20.:16:21.

And the whole donation goes to Comic Relief.

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You must be 16 and over and please ask the bill payer's permission.

:16:25.:16:28.

For more information and terms and conditions go

:16:29.:16:30.

When a band like Coldplay have achieved everything the music world

:16:31.:16:35.

has to offer, there's only one thing left to do.

:16:36.:16:37.

Take the world's biggest TV show and turn it into a musical.

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Game of Thrones, which, surprisingly, is what they did in

:16:41.:16:48.

the first part of this special sketch from Red Nose Day USA.

:16:49.:16:52.

Thinking about it, Antiques Road Trip...

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I mean, we should get the rights to that,

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People are not going to want to see that?

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# And Kardashians in the... there are Lannisters

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# Some unknowns and of course there's

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# Welcome to the crazy, wacky world of Game of Thrones.

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LIAM NEESON AS NARRATOR: In an exclusive Red Nose Day revelation,

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we've discovered that the British band Coldplay

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are secretly working on a musical of TV

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This is the best idea we've ever had.

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It's just been the most amazing creative outpouring.

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NARRATOR: The band had been long-time fans of the show.

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And bearded drummer Will Champion actually

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took time off at one point to act in the famous Red Wedding episode.

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recording studio in Los Angeles to work up

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the 16 songs required for a full Broadway stage production.

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# Around the world my heart had to roam

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Well, when I first heard about it I was

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a little bit skeptical, but now I'm completely convinced...

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It's the worst idea I've ever heard.

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One word that springs to mind when I'm thinking about this

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But not in terms of the successful movie -

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Finally, after months of writing and planning,

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Chris has invited along the entire cast

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of Game of Thrones, to recruit them into

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I had a moment of inspiration, it was

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a flash of genius - get the whole cast to come in.

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Everyone thought it was a brilliant idea,

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NARRATOR: All the actors are gathering

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to hear the songs performed for the first time.

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I was told Sean Bean was gonna be here.

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Well, no, I don't think there's quite as many of us

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as the band would have hoped, but ...

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This is called "Rastafarian Targaryen."

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# I got some dragons and they're pretty scary-in'

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INTERVIEWER: So Chris, how do you think it's going?

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Well, the funny thing is, they can sing.

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# Lots of stabbing and a bit of beheading ...

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Well, with these things it's always step by step.

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Um, 50 percent of the cast seemed really into it, so, um ...

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I think we're onto something really special.

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NARRATOR: It's been a slightly disappointing day.

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NARRATOR: It's day two of the workshop...

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And suddenly things take a turn for the better.

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With a phone call from Jon Snow, and the offer of free food,

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a huge chunk of the cast have arrived.

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NARRATOR: It's been a very emotional morning.

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I sense this choice will not end well for you.

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Oh, well, drumsticks it is, then, apparently.

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Find out later if Chris Martin finishes his musical

:22:39.:22:52.

Now, Noel, you know how sometimes in life some very unlikely

:22:53.:22:57.

ingredients can collide and it just seems to work?

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Well, next up we celebrate the odd couples who are

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better together than any of us could have imagined.

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Actually, have you got any Chewits on you?

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# I met her in the first-class lounge of a jumbo jet

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# It was love at first sight, Romeo and Juliet

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# He looked pretty rich and I was down on luck

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# For crying out loud a fortune for a flying...

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# So I love you, do I want you

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# Would I sacrifice my life to you if I could

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# Is the Pope Catholic, is Luxembourg small

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# Living Doll sleeping, walking living doll

:24:04.:24:19.

# Got to do my best to please her

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# Just cause she's a living doll

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# Fies my soul she satisfies my soul

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# Got a roving eye and that is why she satisfies my soul

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# I've got the one and only walking, talking, living doll

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# I got the one and only walking talking living doll #.

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# Yeah, we's the match made JLS, BA to JFK, LAX

:25:06.:25:44.

# Got me looking forward to it like a Saturday

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Actually, I'm going to be honest, I thought Miranda was the

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They should utilise her when they reform

:25:50.:25:53.

# And the yearning started for a short-term affair

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# You're the man, you're the boss

:26:12.:26:13.

# When I find you right there

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# Cleaning our silverware lost

:26:16.:26:17.

# You took me to the kitchen hell with the cost

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# Your hands kind of started twitching I felt so shy

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# Nothing could stop what followed

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# Islands in the stream Islands in the stream

:26:41.:27:33.

# That is what we are That is what we are

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# No one in between No one in between

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# How can we be wrong wrong

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# Sail away with me Sail away with me #.

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He fell on me once like a big mahogany wardrobe.

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# I wanna be elected in a gold Rolls-Royce

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# Kids want a saviour, don't need a fake

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# Well I'm going to rock to the rules that I make

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I think after all that, it's time for a little reminder

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With your help, the number of children dying from malaria each

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But malaria is still one of the biggest killers of children

:28:36.:28:43.

Even though it is preventable and treatable.

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This is the children's ward

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in one of Malawi's biggest hospitals.

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Most of the children here are suffering from malaria.

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The problem is so consuming that there aren't enough beds

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This little girl is Atanduwata. She's just 13 months old.

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She laughs, cries and, like many children of her age,

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Her mother, Mary, is desperately poor.

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There aren't any malaria testing kits in her village,

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so she's had no choice but to walk for three hours carrying her

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All the time, her little girl's blood was being destroyed

:29:34.:29:46.

Dr Columbo is doing everything he can to save her.

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If only Atanduwata had been diagnosed even a day earlier,

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she might not now be fighting for her life.

:30:29.:30:51.

Children like Atanduwata don't have to die this way.

:30:52.:31:00.

?30 you give will pay for 100 children to be diagnosed.

:31:01.:31:34.

Call 03457 910 910 or go to bbc.co.uk/rednoseday.

:31:35.:31:41.

# I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight

:31:42.:32:37.

Sam Smith and John Legend there from Red Nose Day 2015.

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Please pick up the phone and give whatever you can to help

:33:31.:33:32.

You're probably sat there right now with your phone

:33:33.:33:42.

But if you can spare it, we'd love you to text "YES" to 70220.

:33:43.:33:50.

You have no idea, the difference that extra ten pounds could make.

:33:51.:33:58.

When David Brent offers to write a song for Comic Relief, then, well,

:33:59.:34:01.

You literally bite his hands off like a rabid puma?

:34:02.:34:05.

Well, yeah, anything to take the guitar away from him.

:34:06.:34:08.

But unfortunately, he still produced this number from 2013 in which David

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managed to unite people of all creeds and colours

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# Let me take you down Equality Street

:34:14.:34:17.

# At the end of the street is a golden gate

:34:18.:34:24.

# It let in love, it don't let in hate, no

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# Walk with me down Equality Street

:34:27.:34:42.

# Books have no covers, just look right in

:34:43.:34:48.

# You're judged by your words, not the colour of your skin

:34:49.:34:51.

# Oh dayo, dayo, dayo, me say dayo

:34:52.:34:55.

# Biddly biddly biddly biddly biddly biddly bong yo

:34:56.:35:02.

# Except I do imagine there's a heaven

:35:03.:35:06.

# Or maybe like some other countries that you might ignore

:35:07.:35:19.

# Tonga, never thought of in my life before

:35:20.:35:22.

# But if I met a guy from Tonga then we stop and we speak

:35:23.:35:25.

# In fluent Tongalese on Equality Street

:35:26.:35:28.

# Come with me down Equality Street

:35:29.:35:31.

# At the end of the street is a golden gate

:35:32.:35:37.

# It lets in love, it don't let in hate, no

:35:38.:35:42.

# Biddly biddly biddly biddly biddly biddly bong

:35:43.:35:52.

Just one of the many musical phrases never used to describe him.

:35:53.:36:02.

We've lost some big musical legends this year.

:36:03.:36:04.

Prince, Leonard Cohen and, of course, Bowie.

:36:05.:36:08.

Yep, all gone but not forgotten, of course, which brings us to this.

:36:09.:36:11.

Very deep in the Comic Relief archive, a seminal performance

:36:12.:36:16.

by my personal hero, the legendary David Bowie, which,

:36:17.:36:18.

to this day, has never been played in full and there's a very

:36:19.:36:21.

Hello, boys and girls, I'm David Bowie, and I'm talking

:36:22.:36:28.

Tonight, I thought I'd do something a little bit different.

:36:29.:36:34.

I'm going to play a new composition for you that

:36:35.:36:36.

It's called Requiem For A Laughing Gnome.

:36:37.:36:43.

It has some choreography that I picked up from a Navajo indian

:36:44.:36:53.

that I met last week in the Croydon chapter.

:36:54.:36:55.

Probably, I should begin with the first movement.

:36:56.:37:00.

The threat, though, to keep playing that track still stands, by the way.

:37:01.:37:44.

We still have the entire clip and we will play it unless,

:37:45.:37:47.

Take your phone and give ?10 by just texting "YES" to 70210 although,

:37:48.:37:53.

to be honest, we'd rather you text "YES" to 70220 because that

:37:54.:37:56.

People don't realise how hard comedy is.

:37:57.:38:05.

Yeah, because, for example, Eddie Izzard ran 27 marathons just

:38:06.:38:12.

We've been extremely fortunate at Comic Relief that one of our best

:38:13.:38:18.

loved comedians has done so much to raise a tonne

:38:19.:38:21.

Here are just some of the greatest musical moments from Peter Kay.

:38:22.:38:30.

# Looking back I could have played it differently

:38:31.:38:34.

# Won a few more moments who can tell

:38:35.:38:40.

# But it took time to understand the man

:38:41.:38:47.

# Now at least I know, I know him well,

:38:48.:38:53.

# But in the end he needs a little bit more than me

:38:54.:39:12.

# I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next you

:39:13.:39:35.

# When I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be

:39:36.:39:39.

# I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you

:39:40.:39:43.

Ladies and gentlemen, The Proclaimers!

:39:44.:39:50.

# Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles

:39:51.:40:00.

# Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da

:40:01.:40:11.

# Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da.

:40:12.:40:18.

# Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da

:40:19.:40:20.

# I get knocked out, but I get up again

:40:21.:40:22.

# I get knocked out, but I get up again

:40:23.:40:26.

# You're never gonna keep me down

:40:27.:40:28.

# I get knocked out, but I get up again

:40:29.:40:30.

# I get knocked out, but I get up again

:40:31.:40:35.

# We sell whiskey drinks, we sell vodka drinks

:40:36.:40:50.

We sell two-for-one selected shorts for a limited time only down

:40:51.:40:59.

# I get knocked out, but I get up again

:41:00.:41:03.

First he was in a stairlift, then he's in a wheelchair.

:41:04.:41:09.

It's just that he charges more for walking.

:41:10.:41:14.

He'll be singing out the show a little later with one

:41:15.:41:21.

There's still so much more to come on Fantastic Beats and to be honest

:41:22.:41:34.

it's a bit ridiculous how many things we have coming up that

:41:35.:41:37.

Live performances from Elbow and Labrinth.

:41:38.:41:40.

The greatest Comic Relief pop moments ever as well as

:41:41.:41:44.

Find out what takes the top spot as we continue to count down the top

:41:45.:41:48.

ten "I can't believe Comic Relief put that on TV" moments,

:41:49.:41:51.

and the conclusion to Coldplay's attempts to create Game

:41:52.:41:53.

But before all of that, a reminder of why we've assembled

:41:54.:41:57.

these fantastic beats for your viewing pleasure.

:41:58.:41:59.

You sing one then I'll sing one, yeah?

:42:00.:42:03.

It's been over three years since the outbreak of ebola killed

:42:04.:42:33.

There aren't any live cases of it here now but you still come

:42:34.:42:39.

across the after effects of it everywhere.

:42:40.:42:41.

When was the last time you went to school?

:42:42.:43:21.

The thing that's stopping her getting her dreams is, you know,

:43:22.:43:31.

'The last thing I always wanted this trip to be was to be the celebrity

:43:32.:44:28.

'who comes over to Africa, cries on TV, send your money over.'

:44:29.:44:36.

I really wanted to come and like be everything's positive, it's great.

:44:37.:44:40.

I don't know, just singing with that girl, and she was all really smiling

:44:41.:44:44.

She just got really choked up about it.

:44:45.:45:04.

You know, I watch Comic Relief every single year and this is always

:45:05.:45:12.

what celebrities do and I always think, "Oh, is it really that bad?"

:45:13.:45:15.

And then I sort of turn up and, yes, it is.

:45:16.:45:18.

That's just one story and it's the one girl that came up and talked

:45:19.:45:23.

There's so many kids out here I've gone up to and tried

:45:24.:45:27.

If she's the smiliest and she's got that story, god knows

:45:28.:45:31.

# The moon is out looking for trouble

:45:32.:46:47.

# The moon wants a scrap or a cuddle and everyone's here

:46:48.:47:09.

A truly magical performance from Elbow back in 2011.

:47:10.:47:11.

Now, as I'm sure you know, you can do something right now,

:47:12.:47:14.

it's quick, it's simple and it could help save lives.

:47:15.:47:16.

Not just in Africa but right here in the UK.

:47:17.:47:19.

So please text "YES" to 70210 to give ?10 right now.

:47:20.:47:23.

Now, when you hear the words Mamma Mia, you think of only

:47:24.:47:32.

Well, no, they were good but most of us think of the smash-hit musical

:47:33.:47:37.

that went on to become the smash-hit movie and in 2009,

:47:38.:47:40.

Comic Relief were fortunate to gain exlusive access

:47:41.:47:42.

to the behind-the-scenes making of that film, Mamma Mia.

:47:43.:47:44.

I've no idea what you're talking about.

:47:45.:47:46.

I like dancing nude to ABBA in my kitchen.

:47:47.:47:51.

Oh, maybe we'll see that later as well.

:47:52.:47:54.

I just wanted to check that this is a tribute to the film

:47:55.:48:03.

because I love this film, as does everyone I've ever met.

:48:04.:48:07.

Just that you both seem a little bit bitter about it.

:48:08.:48:11.

Perhaps because it was such a great hit, made so much money and brought

:48:12.:48:15.

so much joy and you weren't in it, maybe because you're both too old?

:48:16.:48:24.

I don't know what script you've read.

:48:25.:48:31.

Three, two, one, one, one, one, good.

:48:32.:48:49.

What I've done is, I've been very strict.

:48:50.:49:04.

I've kept the style to Summertime Special 1978.

:49:05.:49:07.

When I know which one is my father, everything will fall into place.

:49:08.:49:13.

I knew your mother when she was a real goer and I was a right rebel.

:49:14.:49:21.

# Walks along the Seine, our last summer

:49:22.:49:47.

He's massive in Scandinavia and Meryl Streep's in it.

:49:48.:50:16.

# Well, I can dance with you honey if you think it's funny

:50:17.:50:29.

# Does your mother know that you're out?

:50:30.:50:31.

# And I can chat with you, baby, flirt a little maybe

:50:32.:50:34.

# Does your mother know that you're out?

:50:35.:50:40.

# Take it easy, take it easy, better slow down, boy

:50:41.:50:43.

# Take it easy, take it easy, try to cool it, boy

:50:44.:50:50.

# I've played all my cards and that's what you've done too

:50:51.:51:15.

Would you like some tarasaramalata for you?

:51:16.:52:04.

# If you change your mind, I'm the first in line

:52:05.:52:12.

The actors would like to make it clear that the characters depicted

:52:13.:53:37.

bear no resemblance to anyone living or dead.

:53:38.:53:50.

I can't stop thinking about Antiques Road Trip: the Musical.

:53:51.:54:29.

Great ideas like that only come along once in a lifetime, Noel.

:54:30.:54:32.

Don't let it go, but you should go now because it's time for more

:54:33.:54:36.

"I can't believe Comic Relief put that on TV."

:54:37.:54:38.

# Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk.

:54:39.:54:56.

# I'm a woman's man, no time to talk.

:54:57.:54:58.

# I've been kicked around since I was born.

:54:59.:55:02.

At number seven, a medley from Saturday Night Fever

:55:03.:55:11.

where Jeremy Paxman demonstrates how to hit a high F without the aid

:55:12.:55:14.

At number six, stick a red nose on your conk.

:55:15.:55:26.

# And now here's some great stonkers of our time.

:55:27.:55:40.

At number five, it's Dame Edna's permanently silent sidekick Madge,

:55:41.:55:46.

finally allowed to steal the limelight and demonstrating

:55:47.:55:48.

# When I walk up the stair, I gambol like a lamb.

:55:49.:55:54.

At number four, it's the time the Righteous Brothers were joined

:55:55.:56:08.

by Postman Pat for the classic You've Lost That Loving Feeling.

:56:09.:56:11.

# You've lost that loving feeling, now it's gone...

:56:12.:56:17.

And a bit later, I'll be revealing the top three,

:56:18.:56:19.

One of the great institutions of Comic Relief is that the biggest

:56:20.:56:24.

pop stars of the day record a single.

:56:25.:56:26.

In the 32 years since it started, your generosity has created,

:56:27.:56:29.

can you believe it, 13 number ones, sold nearly eight million records

:56:30.:56:32.

and finally given me the chance to dress up as Kate Bush.

:56:33.:56:35.

Yeah, like you hadn't dressed up as Kate Bush before?

:56:36.:56:38.

He arrived dressed as Kate Bush, and here are just a few of those

:56:39.:56:47.

# One way or another, I'm gonna see ya.

:56:48.:56:52.

# I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya, meet ya, meet ya, meet ya.

:56:53.:56:55.

# One way or another I'm gonna win ya.

:56:56.:56:57.

# I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya.

:56:58.:57:00.

# One way or another I'm gonna see ya.

:57:01.:57:04.

# I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya, meet ya, meet ya.

:57:05.:57:07.

# One way or another I'm gonna win ya.

:57:08.:57:10.

# I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya.

:57:11.:57:13.

# I gotta get it through to you

:57:14.:57:34.

# Walk this way with an Uptown girl #.

:57:35.:58:14.

# Word up got to get it under way

:58:15.:58:42.

# No matter where you say it, you know that you'll be heard #.

:58:43.:58:47.

# You're like an angel and you give me your love

:58:48.:58:49.

# I just can't get enough seem to get enough

:58:50.:58:53.

# When evening falls so hard, I will comfort you

:58:54.:59:26.

# Like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind

:59:27.:00:11.

I've come to the children's ward at Redemption Hospital in Liberia.

:00:12.:00:42.

I had some idea of what I might experience, but nothing prepared me

:00:43.:00:47.

for seeing a child desperately ill, suffering from malnutrition.

:00:48.:00:57.

This is Tabitha, and her father, Alexander.

:00:58.:01:11.

Tabitha's mum is seriously ill, so her father

:01:12.:01:13.

It's just awful to think that this still happens.

:01:14.:01:22.

That there's a little girl who's so malnourished that her dad had

:01:23.:01:24.

One in every three children in Liberia

:01:25.:01:36.

Put simply, they're not getting enough of the right food.

:01:37.:01:55.

But when we first got here,

:01:56.:02:06.

her little stomach was just going like the clappers.

:02:07.:02:10.

How they're as composed is amazing to witness, you just sort

:02:11.:02:28.

of see incredibly skilled people saving a girl's life.

:02:29.:02:34.

If her dad hadn't brought her today,

:02:35.:02:36.

Yes, yes, if he'd delayed for 30 more minutes...

:02:37.:02:42.

Something bad could have been happening.

:02:43.:02:48.

All Tabitha's father can do now is comfort his little girl.

:02:49.:03:00.

# One for the master, one for the dame

:03:01.:03:06.

# One for the little boy who lives down the lane #.

:03:07.:03:14.

When I left Liberia, I thought Tabitha was going to be OK.

:03:15.:03:18.

But when I got back we actually found out

:03:19.:03:20.

Despite everything that happened, her dad insisted

:03:21.:03:26.

And it's incredible, isn't it, to think that

:03:27.:03:33.

in 2017 there are still children in the world that are dying

:03:34.:03:37.

If you donate money, we can get emergency

:03:38.:03:46.

food to children like Tabitha, and they won't die.

:03:47.:03:49.

So if you can spare some money, then please,

:03:50.:03:53.

Another musical legend we sadly lost recently was George Michael.

:03:54.:04:17.

Now, George gave a huge amount of time to help many charities,

:04:18.:04:20.

including, of course, comic relief.

:04:21.:04:22.

And in 2011, George joined forces with Gavin and Stacey's

:04:23.:04:25.

Smithy in a special sketch that saw them celebrate the pure joy

:04:26.:04:28.

of singing along to your greatest hits with a mate in a car.

:04:29.:04:31.

Look, we really need your help with Comic Relief.

:04:32.:04:34.

I can't, I'm spending the day with a mate,

:04:35.:04:39.

All right, I'll come in now, but this is the last time.

:04:40.:04:45.

Comic Relief, they need me to go in now.

:04:46.:04:52.

You said we were going to pick up my photos.

:04:53.:04:54.

So, can I come to Comic Relief, then?

:04:55.:04:57.

Oh, come on, let's be honest, you don't want me to come

:04:58.:05:04.

with you because you don't want to be seen with a gay man.

:05:05.:05:07.

I've seen you, the way you look at that

:05:08.:05:11.

Such a pair of closet bummers, it's ridiculous.

:05:12.:05:16.

Excuse me, listen, what you get up to in your spare time

:05:17.:05:19.

Then why can't I come to Comic Relief?

:05:20.:05:22.

Because you're a joke, George! It's embarrassing.

:05:23.:05:24.

I can't walk into Comic Relief with you.

:05:25.:05:28.

Comic Relief's about helping people like you.

:05:29.:05:35.

# Call me anything you want to baby

:05:36.:05:57.

# And I know that you're sad

:05:58.:06:00.

# With the one thing that you never had

:06:01.:06:06.

# If you're gonna do it do it right, right

:06:07.:06:23.

# If you're gonna do it do it right, right

:06:24.:06:26.

# If you're gonna do it, do it right, right

:06:27.:06:30.

Don't go wandering around looking for trouble.

:06:31.:06:39.

Sir Macca's doing the appeal film, Gordon Brown's rapping with JLS,

:06:40.:06:58.

# Do do do do doo do do-do-do-do-do-do.

:06:59.:07:15.

# Every day I hear a different story #.

:07:16.:07:22.

The much missed George Michael there with James Corden.

:07:23.:07:26.

A special moment that was, of course, the inspiration

:07:27.:07:32.

Here, but it was also the inspiration for those adverts he

:07:33.:07:36.

does for car insurance, so yin, yang, you know?

:07:37.:07:38.

Anyway, we're nearly at the end of our musical journey

:07:39.:07:40.

through Comic Relief's most fantastic beats.

:07:41.:07:42.

But there's still time to revisit

:07:43.:07:45.

some of our most memorable live performances.

:07:46.:07:48.

What you're about to see perfectly illustrates that old showbiz maxim.

:07:49.:07:50.

Yeah, never work with children, animals or Lenny

:07:51.:07:53.

# I'm a four course meal, not a small hors d'oeuvre.

:07:54.:08:03.

I'm a soul food man, come and get my love.

:08:04.:08:07.

# And when it's over you'll be glad you stayed

:08:08.:08:15.

# Especially for you that's going to get laid #.

:08:16.:08:25.

# I wanna let you know what I was going through

:08:26.:08:31.

# I want to tell you I was feeling that way, too

:08:32.:08:35.

# And if dreams were wings you know

:08:36.:08:38.

# Forget the loneliness and the sorrow

:08:39.:08:54.

# And now we're back together, together

:08:55.:09:05.

# I want to show you my heart is oh so true #.

:09:06.:09:19.

# Heathcliff the man with the child in his eyes

:09:20.:09:34.

# It's so cold I've come home now

:09:35.:09:37.

# Let me into your window oh-oh

:09:38.:09:40.

# So cold now

:09:41.:09:49.

Partridge stole all those Kate Bush moves from me.

:09:50.:09:54.

To know your face as you were leaving...

:09:55.:10:36.

# She said never in your wildest dreams

:10:37.:11:12.

# And we danced all night to the best song ever

:11:13.:11:15.

# We knew every line now I can't remember

:11:16.:11:19.

# How it goes but I know that I won't forget her

:11:20.:11:23.

Having a home is something that many of us take for granted. Imagine not

:11:24.:12:00.

having that home, no telly, no comfort, no safety. That's the

:12:01.:12:05.

reality for an estimated 80,000 young people who become homeless in

:12:06.:12:07.

the UK each year. Comic Relief is committed to

:12:08.:12:24.

spending at least 40% of everything raised tonight on projects in the

:12:25.:12:29.

UK. A key part of this is to prevent young people becoming homeless in

:12:30.:12:32.

the first place. One of those is David. How long have you been in a

:12:33.:12:39.

hostel for? 78 months. I got kicked out by my mum. I felt like I was not

:12:40.:12:44.

really involved, I was getting pushed out of the family. Was your

:12:45.:12:50.

dad ever there? No. I had the same situation, it was hard for me

:12:51.:12:53.

because my dad was the one I bonded with. He was there for a year at a

:12:54.:12:58.

time, then he would go away. Yes, that's what happened. He would come

:12:59.:13:04.

back and then go. That doesn't make it easy. You don't understand your

:13:05.:13:09.

emotions, you don't know how to cope with things. You're young, you

:13:10.:13:16.

don't. But now I know, so it is easier to cope with it. And how much

:13:17.:13:22.

of a part has this place played? A Huish Park, even things like boxing,

:13:23.:13:27.

that helps. It is a place to make you a better human. Without this,

:13:28.:13:34.

what do you think would have happened? I would probably still not

:13:35.:13:39.

care about life, just kept on going down, spiralling, and then... Now, I

:13:40.:13:44.

feel like I have a chance. You feel like you're on the way up? Yes. As

:13:45.:13:49.

well as a bed for the night, young people here can get healthy,

:13:50.:13:52.

mentally and physically, and use it as a springboard to build themselves

:13:53.:13:57.

a future. And they deserve it, these kids are the future of our country

:13:58.:14:06.

and it is up to us to support them. There isn't always a lot of spare

:14:07.:14:09.

cash, I know that, but I am not asking you for a lot, just whatever

:14:10.:14:15.

you can afford. Pick up the phone, go online or text us, however you

:14:16.:14:19.

want. The details are on your screen. Thank you.

:14:20.:14:49.

# Oh, as I die here another day, yeah

:14:50.:15:07.

# Cos all I do is cry behind this smile

:15:08.:15:12.

# But I always thought you'd come back

:15:13.:15:39.

# Tell me all you found was heartbreak and misery

:15:40.:15:45.

# Hard for me to say I'm jealous of the way

:15:46.:16:03.

That was Labyrinth from the last Red Nose Day.

:16:04.:16:16.

So, OK, this is it, this is crunch time, this is the last

:16:17.:16:19.

time this evening I'm going to ask you, I'm going to beg you to pick

:16:20.:16:23.

up that phone and send one text that could help change lives all across

:16:24.:16:26.

If you're sat there and you haven't given yet, then this one

:16:27.:16:30.

If everyone watching could text YES to

:16:31.:16:40.

70210, or YES to 70220, which would mean you give

:16:41.:16:43.

And you would know that you played a part in making real change

:16:44.:16:49.

We are now at the end of our epic quest to locate

:16:50.:16:54.

But there's still time to return to Coldplay's epic Game of

:16:55.:16:58.

Thrones musical to see if the cast mates could pull off one of the most

:16:59.:17:02.

ambitious and foolish musical projects ever undertaken.

:17:03.:17:04.

You're still thinking about your Antiques

:17:05.:17:05.

# I wanna take you into that cave and kiss you, baby, down there

:17:06.:17:57.

# Wildling it before, yeah!

:17:58.:18:14.

Really good, really, really, really good.

:18:15.:18:27.

Just one tiny thing, on the -lings, just be careful, going a

:18:28.:18:30.

# If there's one thing Theon might have taught you

:18:31.:18:42.

# You will be tortured

:18:43.:18:52.

# Old ones are healed as new songs are revealed

:18:53.:18:56.

# A little more mean A little more mean

:18:57.:19:03.

# Ever seen, ever seen, ever seen, ever seen...

:19:04.:19:13.

OK, so, Red Wedding, we're all passionate about this one,

:19:14.:19:16.

# You don't mess around with Walder Frey

:19:17.:19:25.

# You don't mess around with Walder Frey?

:19:26.:19:33.

Every style in the musical canon is captured in one day of blazing

:19:34.:19:36.

# If you're here for the wedding of Robby Stark

:19:37.:19:45.

# Keep the car running, there''s no need to park

:19:46.:19:47.

# He's not going to make it, through the night

:19:48.:19:50.

# Keep that wedding cake in the fridge

:19:51.:19:52.

# He didn't pay me back for using the bridge

:19:53.:19:54.

# I'm afraid this wedding won't be white

:19:55.:19:56.

# Red wedding, red wedding Lots of stabbing and a bit of beheading

:19:57.:20:02.

# Red wedding, dead wedding are here to stay

:20:03.:20:08.

# A head, shredding, bloodshed wedding

:20:09.:20:10.

# There will be no wedding bedding, hey

:20:11.:20:14.

# You don't mess around with Walder Frey!

:20:15.:20:18.

News of the success of the workshop spreads like

:20:19.:20:25.

Do you know what, I've never been prouder to be in anything.

:20:26.:20:32.

I always knew it was going to be a triumph.

:20:33.:20:35.

George R R Martin meets Chris Martin, what could go wrong?

:20:36.:20:38.

# Call me Daenerys Targaryen when you wanna reach me

:20:39.:20:46.

# And if you feel the love then you can call me Khaleesi

:20:47.:20:49.

# Got so many names I'm Queen of the Andals

:20:50.:20:51.

# I know it's like the musical, but I can also hear it like,

:20:52.:21:03.

I can hear it on the radio, I can hear it everywhere.

:21:04.:21:06.

Raw emotion pours out from every corner of the globe.

:21:07.:21:14.

# I was his uncle I was also his dad

:21:15.:21:27.

VOICEOVER: It's the first romantic ballad about incest

:21:28.:21:29.

# Around the world my heart had to roam

:21:30.:21:36.

# With a branch of our own a little closer to home

:21:37.:21:55.

VOICEOVER: The greatest rock opera of all time is

:21:56.:21:58.

# Remember Ned Stark, he was a lot of fun

:21:59.:22:14.

# But he didn't make it past Season One

:22:15.:22:20.

# Not me, not me, not me just ain't that long

:22:21.:22:27.

Everything's coming together, everyone's on

:22:28.:22:38.

board, we just need George R R Martin's permission and then we're

:22:39.:22:41.

And Chris was right, George R R Martin did

:22:42.:22:48.

Little bit of this, little bit of that, changed

:22:49.:22:55.

# Bum, bum, bum bappa dippi dum other brilliant ideas.

:22:56.:23:00.

LIAM NEESON: That's not bad, actually.

:23:01.:23:10.

What a guy that Chris Martin is, though I'm a

:23:11.:23:19.

little bit disappointed that he wasn't tarred, feathered and

:23:20.:23:22.

That's usually what happens, isn't it?

:23:23.:23:26.

Jonathan, why are we back at the bar?

:23:27.:23:29.

I'm glad you asked, we're here for a very good reason.

:23:30.:23:32.

It's the moment everyone's been waiting for.

:23:33.:23:33.

It's our top three in our I Can't Believe Comic Relief Put

:23:34.:23:36.

# At first I was afraid, I was petrified...

:23:37.:23:48.

At three, it's Craig Revel Horwood without his paddle,

:23:49.:23:51.

#...how you did me wrong with the words to I Will Survive.

:23:52.:24:00.

# But I grew strong and I learned how to get along

:24:01.:24:02.

# I'm not that chained-up little person

:24:03.:24:07.

# With that sad look upon your face...

:24:08.:24:10.

I heard the end of Len Goodman's leaving do

:24:11.:24:13.

# Clean your teeth with your feet on a bus or two.

:24:14.:24:19.

At number two, Right Said Fred with Stick It Out.

:24:20.:24:25.

# Take a sprout for a walk, make a sand igloo

:24:26.:24:27.

# And you can't fail to see, stick it out so they can feel it #.

:24:28.:24:35.

# Old Macdonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O...

:24:36.:24:42.

And topping the chart to be named the number one

:24:43.:24:45.

I Can't Believe Comic Relief Put That on TV

:24:46.:24:47.

Phil Collins's star-studded version of Old Macdonald.

:24:48.:24:51.

# Old Macdonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O

:24:52.:24:53.

# Old Macdonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O

:24:54.:24:59.

# E-I-E-I-O cow

:25:00.:25:05.

Apparently, Collins is going back on tour.

:25:06.:25:27.

He's got a really long tour bus so he can fit all the cows on it.

:25:28.:25:32.

Well, we hope you've enjoyed this Festival of fantastic beats

:25:33.:25:34.

But no celebration of Red Nose Day would be

:25:35.:25:40.

complete without a final contribution from Britain's

:25:41.:25:42.

Who brought us the phenomenon that was Amarillo back in 2005.

:25:43.:25:50.

Interestingly, despite not even being the official

:25:51.:25:51.

it spent seven weeks at number one and raised over ?1.5 million.

:25:52.:26:03.

Enjoy it again and thanks for watching.

:26:04.:26:04.

# With Marie, who's waiting for me there

:26:05.:26:13.

# Ain't as half as pretty as where my baby's at

:26:14.:26:27.

# Dreaming dreams of Amarillo been hugging my pillow

:26:28.:26:38.

# Hear the song of joy that it's singing

:26:39.:27:04.

# For the sweet Maria and the guy who's coming to see her

:27:05.:27:10.

# Just beyond the highway there's an open plain

:27:11.:27:17.

# And it keeps me going through the wind and rain

:27:18.:27:24.

# Dreaming dreams of Amarillo been hugging my pillow

:27:25.:27:35.

Animals - must we really stop eating them now

:27:36.:28:53.

Jonathan Ross and Noel Fielding join forces to look back at some very special Red Nose Day musical memories from the past 30 years. Hysterical performances, exclusive collaborations and some very silly songs fill this unique and mostly harmonious journey through the vast Comic Relief archives.