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This programme contains some strong language. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:07 | |
Describe it to me again? | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
It's the, erm... You know, | 0:00:13 | 0:00:14 | |
it's the big chunky chain that the Mayor wears on special occasions. | 0:00:14 | 0:00:18 | |
It lets everyone know he's the Mayor. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
-And this is where he lost it? -So he says. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
Why would he wear it here? | 0:00:23 | 0:00:25 | |
Your guess is as good as mine. | 0:00:25 | 0:00:27 | |
It's probably best not to think too much about it. | 0:00:27 | 0:00:30 | |
CAR MOTOR HUMS | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
MOTOR TURNS OFF | 0:01:10 | 0:01:13 | |
Do you think that's what the Mayor was doing? | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
Which one? | 0:01:26 | 0:01:27 | |
That one. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:30 | |
Possibly. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:33 | |
Maybe not exactly that but certainly along those lines. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:38 | |
Do you think he was wearing his chain when he was doing it? | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
I suppose so. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
What for? | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
Probably gives him a sense of power. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
-Can we go home now? -Yeah. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:54 | |
Don't want to stick around here any longer than we have to. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:59 | |
She's going to catch her death. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
# Will you search through the lonely earth for me? | 0:02:19 | 0:02:24 | |
# Climb through the briar and bramble | 0:02:24 | 0:02:29 | |
# I'll be your treasure | 0:02:29 | 0:02:34 | |
# I'm waiting for you | 0:02:34 | 0:02:38 | |
# I'm waiting for you. # | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
Oh, Lance. Hello. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
Sophie! Hello. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
-What you up to? -Just, er... | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
Oh, I was just, erm... | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
..picking up a few things. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
Nice flowers. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:28 | |
Yeah, yeah, brighten the place up a bit. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:32 | |
-What kind of...? -Freesias, I think. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:35 | |
And chocolates? | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
Yeah, give myself a little treat. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
Why not? | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
Exactly! | 0:03:42 | 0:03:43 | |
Can you smell the early '90s? | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
Nope. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:52 | |
Anyway, good to see you. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
Yeah, you too. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:57 | |
Enjoy the chocolates. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:00 | |
-Sorry? -Chocolates. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:05 | |
Yeah, yeah. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
PHONE VIBRATES | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
Your phone's ringing. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:23 | |
It's Sophie. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
Can you answer it? I'm up to my elbows. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
Hi, Sophie, it's Becky. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
Yes, he's changing a nappy. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
All right. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:35 | |
Hang on. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
Sophie's just bumped into Lance | 0:04:39 | 0:04:40 | |
and she thinks something's about to go down. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
-Like what? -Like what? | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
She saw him in the supermarket buying all the materials | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
required to make a romantic evening. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
Oh, God, he must have got the instructions off the internet. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
I've got to wash my hands. What was he buying? | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
What was he buying? | 0:04:58 | 0:04:59 | |
Flowers, chocolates, aftershave. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
What kind? | 0:05:03 | 0:05:04 | |
Freesias, Ferrero Rocher, Fahrenheit. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
Christ. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:08 | |
Hello? You still got the suspect in your sights? | 0:05:08 | 0:05:12 | |
All right, follow at a discreet distance and report back. | 0:05:12 | 0:05:15 | |
Oh, and Sophie? Be safe. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:18 | |
You are a bunch of kids. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
We're just concerned about him, | 0:05:20 | 0:05:22 | |
we don't want him to make a fool of himself. | 0:05:22 | 0:05:23 | |
Mm, because you're an expert in that field? | 0:05:23 | 0:05:27 | |
Listen, tomorrow night, shall we go out? | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
Just the two of us? | 0:05:30 | 0:05:31 | |
Yeah, OK. What's brought this on? | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
Nothing's brought this on, I'm only suggesting going to a restaurant. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
Cool. Who'll babysit? | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
-Well, let's face it... -Your mum? | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
-She's free. -Course she is, she doesn't have any friends. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
I meant she doesn't cost anything. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
Oh, yeah, sorry. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:47 | |
She is his grandmother. | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
I just wish we didn't have to rely on her so much. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:52 | |
Well, I think I've | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
got a plan to deal with her. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
Murder? Really? OK. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
-Not murder. -I know someone. I can make a phone call. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
Not murder! | 0:06:01 | 0:06:03 | |
-Oh, look, it's Forrest Gump. -Oh, yeah. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
Hello. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:20 | |
We were just looking for something. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:22 | |
Yeah, I...I...I lost something. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
-I don't think we'll ever find it, do you? -No, no, I don't. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:28 | |
-Was it valuable? -What? | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
The thing you lost. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:31 | |
No, no, very cheap. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
Oh, well, we should just call it a day. I think we're just going to | 0:07:33 | 0:07:37 | |
-call it a day. -Yeah. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:38 | |
Who was that? | 0:07:43 | 0:07:44 | |
Er, I don't know, but they were spying on you. | 0:07:44 | 0:07:47 | |
Oh. Hello. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:51 | |
Hello. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:53 | |
How are you? | 0:07:53 | 0:07:54 | |
Yeah, not bad, good. Yourself? | 0:07:54 | 0:07:57 | |
Good. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:00 | |
Should we...? | 0:08:04 | 0:08:05 | |
Yeah, OK. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:06 | |
-'It's quite reasonable. -No, it's horrible. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:29 | |
'It's not horrible, it can be... Imagine, | 0:08:29 | 0:08:31 | |
'it looks like a white horse.' | 0:08:31 | 0:08:32 | |
About 22, 23, blonde. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
Yeah, that's her. Did he see you? | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
No, but she did. I'm shit at spying. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:40 | |
Well, that's already been established. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
But he dumped the chocolates and the flowers? | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
Yep, but the smell of aftershave was very much still in the air. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:49 | |
It's amazing, isn't it? | 0:08:49 | 0:08:50 | |
All the information at our fingertips these days. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:55 | |
Oh, it certainly is, Sheila. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
The things Terry gets up to on his computer. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:01 | |
-Do you know where he sent an e-mail last week? -Where? | 0:09:01 | 0:09:05 | |
-New Zealand. -Yeah? | 0:09:05 | 0:09:07 | |
Terry! | 0:09:07 | 0:09:09 | |
-Please, Terry. Hugh's cousin is a mechanic. -No. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:12 | |
Terry, tell them where you sent | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
an e-mail last week. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
-New Zealand. -Told you. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
Yeah, easy, really. Just a click of a button. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:22 | |
Friends that we met in the Peak District on holiday. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
Rory and Simone. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
And have you heard back? | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
Not yet. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:30 | |
So, let us show you what we've turned up. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:34 | |
DOOR CREAKS | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
Sorry I'm late. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
Had to, er...do something. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:44 | |
You smell nice. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:47 | |
OK, so we're pretty sure | 0:09:47 | 0:09:49 | |
that this is the same view of the round tower, | 0:09:49 | 0:09:52 | |
because of this window here. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:54 | |
And the photograph would have been taken round about here, | 0:09:54 | 0:09:57 | |
looking in this direction, pretty much | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
-where we parked the cars the other day. -That's the farm, | 0:09:59 | 0:10:01 | |
that's on our permission. We haven't got to that field yet, | 0:10:01 | 0:10:04 | |
but it's definitely on the same farm. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:05 | |
No. No, you're in the wrong place. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:08 | |
No, we're not. What do you mean? | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
-Yeah, you're on the wrong side of the church. -How do you know? | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
Well, look at the motorbike. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
Numbers on the plate back to front. Image has been reversed. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:20 | |
Good God, you're right! | 0:10:22 | 0:10:24 | |
Huh. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:25 | |
Window should be on the other side of the tower. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:28 | |
Need to be here. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:29 | |
But unfortunately, we don't have permission to detect in that field. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:34 | |
-Oh, dear. -What? | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
Russell, did you ever get a chance | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
to look for the Mayor's chain of office? | 0:10:38 | 0:10:41 | |
We tried, but we couldn't stomach it. It's horrible up there. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
Well, I think you're going to have to find the courage to go back | 0:10:44 | 0:10:47 | |
because unless I'm very much mistaken, this land... | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
belongs to none other than the Mayor himself. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:52 | |
So... | 0:10:52 | 0:10:54 | |
Russell, Hugh, your mission is to find the chain, return it | 0:10:54 | 0:10:58 | |
and, in lieu of the afore-promised donation, | 0:10:58 | 0:11:02 | |
see if you can persuade the Mayor to let us detect on his farm. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:05 | |
Do we have to? It is putrid up there. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
Hugh saw some things up there that such young eyes should never | 0:11:08 | 0:11:11 | |
have to witness. He hasn't spoken about it since. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
Oh, come on, man up, Russell. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
You go! | 0:11:15 | 0:11:16 | |
-Wouldn't be seen dead in those woods. -Exactly. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
At least not until you were properly decomposed. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
Russ! | 0:11:21 | 0:11:22 | |
I wouldn't be surprised | 0:11:22 | 0:11:23 | |
if both Hugh and me have caught an infection. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:26 | |
Wear protective clothing! | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
Come on, chaps, steel yourselves, this one's for the club. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:33 | |
I mean, | 0:11:33 | 0:11:34 | |
we could even pop round there now. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:36 | |
We'll go in the morning. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:40 | |
Oh. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:41 | |
What, | 0:11:45 | 0:11:46 | |
where all the cars go and park up after dark, and they go...? | 0:11:46 | 0:11:50 | |
Exactly. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
Well, what was the Mayor doing up there in his chains of office? | 0:11:52 | 0:11:55 | |
Well, maybe that's how he gets his kicks. Takes all sorts. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:59 | |
Terry likes to wear his... | 0:12:00 | 0:12:01 | |
Lance doesn't need to... Nobody needs to... | 0:12:01 | 0:12:04 | |
Ah, here we are. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:06 | |
I'll pay for these. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:07 | |
Now, so we got a JD & C, | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
G and slimline T, three pints of numbers | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
and a Dubonnet and lemonade. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
-How much is that? -24.50. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:18 | |
Keep that. Cheers. | 0:12:18 | 0:12:19 | |
So, Sheila, do you want to get out in the fields with a metal detector? | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
Oh, gosh, no, Peter, I couldn't think of anything more tedious. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:30 | |
Even so, you have a great percentage of female club members. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
Well, I should say we've probably got above average. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:39 | |
And we also got two lesbians and an Asian. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:43 | |
Very proud. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:44 | |
Louise and Varde are also women, Terry, they're not just lesbians. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:48 | |
Yeah, but you know what I mean. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
We've got all the minorities covered. | 0:12:50 | 0:12:52 | |
Are women a minority? | 0:12:52 | 0:12:54 | |
You know what I mean. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
I don't know if we do, Terry. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
Oh, God, it's a minefield! | 0:12:58 | 0:13:01 | |
I'm just going to shut up. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
Hey look, it's these guys. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:04 | |
-SOPHIE: -Oh, shit. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
Ah, evening, ladies. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
Ha, yes, your catchphrase. It's really good, it's very amusing. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:15 | |
Here they are, the Dirt Sharks. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
-The what? -You heard me. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
Yes, we have reformed, we are now known as The Dirt Sharks. | 0:13:19 | 0:13:23 | |
Yuck. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:25 | |
I don't know why everyone has such a problem with that name. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:28 | |
It was unanimously chosen from a very attractive shortlist. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:31 | |
Mm, what were some of the others? | 0:13:31 | 0:13:33 | |
Dirt Surfers. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:34 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:13:34 | 0:13:37 | |
It's Peter, isn't it? | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
That's right. | 0:13:40 | 0:13:41 | |
We wondered if we might have a word with you about your quest. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:45 | |
Plane crash? | 0:13:45 | 0:13:46 | |
Certainly. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:47 | |
In private, please. | 0:13:47 | 0:13:49 | |
These guys are all helping to find the plane. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
Any information you have is very welcome and we'd all like to hear. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:58 | |
You do realise that you'll have to have a licence | 0:13:58 | 0:14:01 | |
from the Ministry of Defence to dig the site, even if you do find it, | 0:14:01 | 0:14:05 | |
don't you? | 0:14:05 | 0:14:06 | |
It's all in hand. Thank you. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:07 | |
And you'll have to have a Finds Liaison Officer present | 0:14:07 | 0:14:11 | |
to record any items of value? | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
Well, we're not expecting to find any items of value. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:16 | |
-Oh, aren't you? -No. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:17 | |
What are you getting at? | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
According to the Protection of Military Remains Act 1986, | 0:14:19 | 0:14:23 | |
any crash site suspected of having... | 0:14:23 | 0:14:24 | |
Everything is done by the book. You don't need to worry. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:28 | |
Thank you for your help. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:31 | |
Goodnight. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:32 | |
Night! | 0:14:32 | 0:14:33 | |
-COUGHING: -Wankers. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:39 | |
Those two give me the willies. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:42 | |
Rival club? | 0:14:42 | 0:14:43 | |
Sophie used to spy for them. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
Really? You didn't tell me about that. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:46 | |
Yes, and they won't let me forget it. | 0:14:46 | 0:14:49 | |
Their methods are...unsound. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:51 | |
Night Hawks. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
You were a Night Hawk? | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
No, I was duped. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:57 | |
We rescued her from the dark side. | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
That's hilarious. I knew there was something I didn't trust about you. | 0:14:59 | 0:15:03 | |
Shut up. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:04 | |
They're getting on well. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:07 | |
What, Sophie and Peter? That'll never work. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:11 | |
Why not? | 0:15:11 | 0:15:12 | |
He's too old for her. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:13 | |
Is he? | 0:15:13 | 0:15:15 | |
I don't know, what's a reasonable age difference? | 0:15:15 | 0:15:17 | |
Well, sometimes ten years. | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
What about 20? | 0:15:19 | 0:15:20 | |
-But he's not 20 years older than her. -No, no. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
But...would 20 be too much? | 0:15:24 | 0:15:26 | |
Yeah, probably. What are you talking about? | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
Nothing. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:30 | |
You walking home? | 0:15:39 | 0:15:40 | |
Erm, Peter's giving me a lift. | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
You only live down the road. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:44 | |
Yeah. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:45 | |
Oh, it... Yeah, no... I know, yeah. See you later then. | 0:15:48 | 0:15:52 | |
-Yeah, see you. -Bye, Andy. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:54 | |
Better get this over and done with. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
DETECTOR BEEPS | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
Russ! | 0:17:17 | 0:17:18 | |
-Urgh! -What is it? | 0:17:24 | 0:17:26 | |
Look. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:28 | |
Oh, yeah. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:32 | |
I've seen a few of those scattered about. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:34 | |
All different colours. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:37 | |
Has that one been used? | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
It looks like it. It's got a knot in it. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
Oh, yeah. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:44 | |
Well, I'm not touching it. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
Neither am I. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:49 | |
Flick it off with a stick. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:54 | |
Can you get me a stick? | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
It was in his hair. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:16 | |
Seriously, it came out with such force, it shot out | 0:18:16 | 0:18:19 | |
the back of his nappy, up his back and it was all matted in his hair. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:23 | |
Had to tease it out with a comb. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
Is this really an after-dinner story? | 0:18:27 | 0:18:30 | |
I've just had sticky toffee pudding. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:32 | |
Do you want another drink? | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
Er, maybe. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:38 | |
Let's have another drink. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:39 | |
Do you remember what we used to talk about before Stan? | 0:18:42 | 0:18:44 | |
HE CHUCKLES You mean we didn't used to talk | 0:18:44 | 0:18:46 | |
about poo all the time? | 0:18:46 | 0:18:48 | |
Hardly ever. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:49 | |
We used to talk about the future and what we wanted to do. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:54 | |
About our hopes and dreams. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:56 | |
-Can I tell you what Gay Martin said about VSO? -Ah. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:01 | |
Please, Andy, don't just close your mind to this, | 0:19:01 | 0:19:05 | |
and don't just clam up. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:06 | |
If you are really against this, I need to know why. | 0:19:06 | 0:19:09 | |
I've told you, I think Stan's too young. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:11 | |
How can we look after a three-month-old baby in Africa? | 0:19:11 | 0:19:14 | |
Africans manage it. | 0:19:14 | 0:19:15 | |
You know what I mean. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:17 | |
I'm so scared, Andy, that now we've had a baby that's it, | 0:19:17 | 0:19:19 | |
we're never going to do anything brave or exciting ever again | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
because we're too nervous about changing anything. | 0:19:22 | 0:19:25 | |
I don't get to see enough of Stan. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
If we don't do this now, we might never do it. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:36 | |
We need to be brave, both of us. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:39 | |
We both need to say, "Fuck it, let's do this." | 0:19:39 | 0:19:43 | |
-Yeah. -Yeah? | 0:19:44 | 0:19:46 | |
Something to finish off? | 0:19:48 | 0:19:50 | |
Yes, please. I'd like a Scotch, double, no ice. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
-Sir? -Erm, | 0:19:52 | 0:19:54 | |
just a decaffeinated coffee, please, quite weak. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:57 | |
Plenty of milk, but cold milk so it's not too hot. Just tepid. | 0:19:57 | 0:20:01 | |
-Would you like a marshmallow with it? -Oh, yes, please. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
Let me show you what I found. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:11 | |
Toutswemogala Hill in Botswana. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:23 | |
They've been excavating an Iron Age civilisation there | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
for the past five years. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:28 | |
They've just received funding for a further year | 0:20:28 | 0:20:30 | |
and are recruiting new graduates as field archaeologists. | 0:20:30 | 0:20:33 | |
And look. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:34 | |
The nearest town is 50km away, so they've begun building | 0:20:35 | 0:20:39 | |
a village close to the excavation site for the workers. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:42 | |
And they've set up a school for the children, | 0:20:42 | 0:20:44 | |
and the school needs volunteers. | 0:20:44 | 0:20:46 | |
Well? | 0:20:47 | 0:20:48 | |
Yeah, it's... I dunno. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:53 | |
Look at it, Andy, it's almost too good to be true. | 0:20:53 | 0:20:56 | |
Who'd look after Stan? | 0:20:56 | 0:20:57 | |
We would. Both of us. | 0:20:57 | 0:20:59 | |
Be difficult without your mum about. | 0:20:59 | 0:21:01 | |
-You always moan when he goes to my mum's. -She helps a lot. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:04 | |
Oh, you are such a hypocrite! | 0:21:04 | 0:21:06 | |
It's...it's not just that. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:08 | |
I mean, wouldn't we be mad to risk it while you've got a job | 0:21:08 | 0:21:11 | |
and a steady income? It's the only security we've got. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:14 | |
I gave in my notice. | 0:21:15 | 0:21:16 | |
What? When? | 0:21:18 | 0:21:19 | |
When I went back to work, I gave in my notice at the same time. | 0:21:19 | 0:21:23 | |
I told them I was only going to be there for one more term. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:27 | |
When were you going to tell me? | 0:21:28 | 0:21:31 | |
I...I didn't want to put pressure on you finding a job. | 0:21:31 | 0:21:35 | |
I was going to tell you as soon as you got work. | 0:21:35 | 0:21:37 | |
But the weeks and months | 0:21:37 | 0:21:38 | |
are passing by and you're still signing on. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:41 | |
Oh, no, wait. Oh, we're too late. | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
Applications closed yesterday. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
I know. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:51 | |
I've already applied for you. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
You've got an interview on Tuesday. | 0:21:53 | 0:21:55 | |
Jeez, any more revelations? | 0:21:55 | 0:21:56 | |
Just go along and do the interview. | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
It'll be good practice. | 0:21:58 | 0:22:00 | |
And if you don't get it, nothing lost. | 0:22:00 | 0:22:02 | |
And if I do? | 0:22:04 | 0:22:05 | |
Then we'll discuss it some more. | 0:22:05 | 0:22:07 | |
Please! Please be brave. | 0:22:08 | 0:22:12 | |
-Madame, double scotch, no ice. -Thank you. | 0:22:15 | 0:22:18 | |
And for you, sir, | 0:22:18 | 0:22:20 | |
weak, mild, tepid, sweet, decaffeinated coffee. | 0:22:20 | 0:22:27 | |
-Enjoy. -Thank you. | 0:22:27 | 0:22:28 | |
What? You don't think I should have the marshmallow? | 0:22:34 | 0:22:38 | |
You think it'll keep me awake? | 0:22:38 | 0:22:40 | |
Africa, Botswana? | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
No, Botswana Upon Thames. | 0:23:00 | 0:23:02 | |
Bloody hell. | 0:23:03 | 0:23:05 | |
Ridiculous, right? You can't take a baby to Botswana. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:09 | |
-How long for? -A year. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:11 | |
It's completely the wrong time, we need to wait until Stanley's older. | 0:23:11 | 0:23:15 | |
Sounds brilliant. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:16 | |
What? Not you as well. | 0:23:17 | 0:23:20 | |
Well, sounds right up your strasse. | 0:23:20 | 0:23:22 | |
Brushing the dirt with little brushes. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:25 | |
Why wouldn't you want to go for that? | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
You can't wait to get rid of me. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:29 | |
Who would you go detecting with? | 0:23:30 | 0:23:32 | |
Oh, don't worry about me. | 0:23:32 | 0:23:34 | |
Anyway, I might not have quite | 0:23:34 | 0:23:36 | |
so much time to go detecting from now on. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:39 | |
Why's that? | 0:23:40 | 0:23:42 | |
Oh, nothing. You know, just...things. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:46 | |
Other things going on. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
Other people. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:51 | |
Hey. You remember old McWiffen? | 0:24:28 | 0:24:32 | |
He used to wear period costumes when he was detecting. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:36 | |
That's it. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:37 | |
Swore he found more from the era of the clothes he was wearing. | 0:24:37 | 0:24:41 | |
Frock coat and periwig, he'd find Georgian buckles and coins. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:46 | |
Pops on a toga, Roman stuff. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:50 | |
You didn't want to see him when he was searching | 0:24:52 | 0:24:54 | |
for prehistoric artefacts, though. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:55 | |
Tiny strip of rabbit fur. | 0:24:55 | 0:24:57 | |
And he was a big bloke. | 0:24:57 | 0:24:59 | |
You see Celebrity Mastermind? | 0:25:01 | 0:25:03 | |
Yeah, general knowledge questions were a joke. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
Oh. I didn't, I was out. | 0:25:05 | 0:25:08 | |
Like children's questions. | 0:25:08 | 0:25:09 | |
Didn't see it. Went out with someone. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:12 | |
General knowledge questions on normal Mastermind | 0:25:12 | 0:25:14 | |
are well difficult. | 0:25:14 | 0:25:15 | |
Nobody you'd know. | 0:25:15 | 0:25:17 | |
Why do celebrities get easier questions? | 0:25:17 | 0:25:20 | |
Mm? | 0:25:20 | 0:25:21 | |
Oh, for Christ's sake, mate, I know you've been seeing someone. | 0:25:21 | 0:25:24 | |
I saw you and Sophie saw you. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
-When? -In a cafe when you said you were going to be at the DIY shop | 0:25:26 | 0:25:29 | |
-and in the park. -So you've seen her? | 0:25:29 | 0:25:32 | |
Yes, mate, so stop being so fucking mysterious. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:35 | |
She's beautiful, isn't she? | 0:25:35 | 0:25:36 | |
I haven't seen her close up, I dunno, is she? | 0:25:37 | 0:25:40 | |
Yeah. | 0:25:40 | 0:25:41 | |
-What's her name? -Kate. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:43 | |
How many times have you seen her? | 0:25:44 | 0:25:46 | |
Three times. | 0:25:46 | 0:25:47 | |
And how old is she? | 0:25:48 | 0:25:50 | |
22. | 0:25:51 | 0:25:52 | |
What? | 0:25:56 | 0:25:57 | |
What do you mean, "What?" You know what. | 0:25:57 | 0:25:59 | |
Isn't she a bit young for you? | 0:25:59 | 0:26:01 | |
Nope. | 0:26:01 | 0:26:02 | |
She's exactly the right age. | 0:26:02 | 0:26:04 | |
Argh! Stop speaking in riddles, tell me what's going on! | 0:26:04 | 0:26:08 | |
-YELLING: -She's my daughter! | 0:26:08 | 0:26:09 | |
Right, thank you! | 0:26:09 | 0:26:11 | |
-She's... -No, no, no! I just need to... | 0:26:16 | 0:26:19 | |
..process. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:22 | |
Your daughter? | 0:26:22 | 0:26:24 | |
Yeah. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:25 | |
That you knew about? | 0:26:25 | 0:26:26 | |
Yes. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
And that you didn't tell me about? | 0:26:28 | 0:26:30 | |
Why should I have done? | 0:26:30 | 0:26:31 | |
No reason, it's just a little thing. | 0:26:31 | 0:26:34 | |
I only met her last week. | 0:26:34 | 0:26:36 | |
She looks just like her mother. | 0:26:37 | 0:26:39 | |
Who's her mother? | 0:26:39 | 0:26:40 | |
I only knew her a couple of months. | 0:26:41 | 0:26:43 | |
She was about the age Kate is now. | 0:26:45 | 0:26:47 | |
I fell for her - hook, line and sinker. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:52 | |
Summer fling. | 0:26:53 | 0:26:54 | |
Met a girl, spent the summer with her. | 0:26:56 | 0:26:59 | |
-Tell me more, tell me more, was it love at first sight? -Mate! | 0:26:59 | 0:27:03 | |
-Trying to open up here. -Sorry. | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
Anyway... | 0:27:05 | 0:27:06 | |
Come to the end of the summer, she found out she was pregnant. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:12 | |
Furious. Sawed my bed in half. | 0:27:12 | 0:27:15 | |
Sawed it in half? | 0:27:15 | 0:27:17 | |
Chainsaw. | 0:27:17 | 0:27:18 | |
Lengthways? | 0:27:22 | 0:27:23 | |
Across. | 0:27:23 | 0:27:24 | |
Disappeared back to Ireland, I never saw her again. | 0:27:26 | 0:27:30 | |
And what? Kate found you? | 0:27:30 | 0:27:31 | |
Yeah, she e-mailed me last month. | 0:27:31 | 0:27:34 | |
I always hoped she would. | 0:27:35 | 0:27:37 | |
Mate, it's a brave new world. | 0:27:38 | 0:27:42 | |
It's time to confront past mistakes. | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 | |
And I think you should take that job. | 0:27:45 | 0:27:48 | |
So did the council come and pick that up then? The bed. | 0:27:57 | 0:28:01 | |
I dismantled it in the end. Took it up the dump. | 0:28:01 | 0:28:04 | |
Took three trips. | 0:28:08 | 0:28:09 |