Episode 4 Detectorists


Episode 4

Similar Content

Browse content similar to Episode 4. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript


LineFromTo

-TV:

-'It was when he checked the hole again -

0:00:020:00:04

'the metal detector gave another beep - that Kevin Beale's fortune

0:00:040:00:07

'was about to change. 'Well, he's here with us now.

0:00:070:00:10

'Um, Kevin what happened next?

0:00:100:00:12

'Well, I dug down again and found a gold coin, Roman.

0:00:120:00:16

-'It was very exciting.

-And it didn't end there, did it?

0:00:160:00:19

'No, it didn't, Chris.

0:00:190:00:20

'I checked the hole again and another beep,

0:00:200:00:23

'another gold coin.

0:00:230:00:24

'Fantastic. Well, I can tell you that, in fact, Kevin ended up

0:00:240:00:27

'unearthing 350 silver and gold Roman coins

0:00:270:00:31

'worth in the region of a million pounds.

0:00:310:00:34

'What's happening to the money?

0:00:340:00:35

'Oh. Well, the British Museum bought the coins,

0:00:350:00:39

'and then I'm splitting it with myself and the land owner.

0:00:390:00:42

'Now, am I right in thinking that you're very, very new

0:00:420:00:44

'to this hobby of metal detecting?

0:00:440:00:47

'Yes, indeed. Yes, it's actually only the second time I've been out.

0:00:470:00:50

'I would imagine, after this, you're pretty hooked on it all.

0:00:500:00:53

-'Absolutely, yes.

-'Really got the bug.

0:00:530:00:55

'Before you go, I must ask you this,

0:00:550:00:56

'is it true that when metal detectors find gold,

0:00:560:01:00

'they do a bit of a celebratory gold dance?

0:01:000:01:03

'Yes. Yes, they do, yes.

0:01:030:01:05

'It'd be great if we could see it. Can you do it?

0:01:050:01:08

'I don't...I don't think so.

0:01:080:01:10

'All right. OK, well, maybe another time.

0:01:100:01:13

'Thank you very much, Kevin.'

0:01:130:01:14

This programme contains some strong language.

0:01:140:01:20

Fucking bastard.

0:01:200:01:21

# Will you search through the lonely earth for me?

0:01:290:01:34

# Climb through the briar and bramble?

0:01:340:01:39

# I'll be your treasure

0:01:390:01:44

# I'm waiting for you

0:01:440:01:48

# I'm waiting for you. #

0:01:480:01:52

I haven't been to a job interview in years.

0:01:580:02:01

In fact, I've never been to a job interview.

0:02:010:02:03

I suppose I should just be myself?

0:02:030:02:05

You joking?

0:02:050:02:07

Don't do that, mate, that won't help.

0:02:070:02:09

Who shall I be then?

0:02:090:02:11

Someone else. Someone better.

0:02:110:02:13

Cheers.

0:02:130:02:15

Try to be a bit more...

0:02:150:02:16

What's that?

0:02:190:02:20

Sparky! A bit less...

0:02:200:02:24

-What's that?

-Morose.

0:02:240:02:27

Bloody hell, it's going to be a disaster.

0:02:270:02:29

Told you Becky's handed in her notice at work?

0:02:290:02:31

Three times.

0:02:310:02:33

If I don't get this job, we'll be homeless.

0:02:330:02:35

We'll have to move in with her mum.

0:02:350:02:36

That'll be nice. That's bound to go smoothly.

0:02:360:02:39

I know.

0:02:390:02:40

So you been doing any reading up?

0:02:430:02:45

As much as I can, there's not much information out there.

0:02:450:02:48

Oh, they play a lot of bridge in Botswana.

0:02:480:02:52

Apparently a national sport.

0:02:520:02:54

Right, well, that's useful. That'll come in handy(!)

0:02:540:02:57

And there's a big death metal scene, mention the band Crack Dust.

0:02:570:03:01

Right, so bridge and Crack Dust.

0:03:010:03:03

Job's yours.

0:03:040:03:05

-You seen Kate?

-No.

0:03:080:03:11

Coming to the flat on Wednesday.

0:03:120:03:14

Big day.

0:03:150:03:16

What you worried about?

0:03:180:03:19

Well...

0:03:190:03:20

She'll be seeing me in my natural habitat, won't she?

0:03:220:03:25

The real me.

0:03:250:03:27

Want to make a good impression.

0:03:270:03:29

Hide the signed Linda Lusardi photo.

0:03:290:03:32

It's already gone.

0:03:320:03:33

Can't believe you've got a grown-up daughter.

0:03:370:03:40

Did she call you Lance or Dad?

0:03:400:03:42

Well, she's skilfully avoided calling me anything up to now.

0:03:420:03:46

Obviously, I'd like her to call me Dad, but, you know...

0:03:470:03:51

I've got to give her space.

0:03:510:03:53

I can't imagine it, out of the blue like that.

0:03:540:03:57

Well, it's not out the blue for me, is it?

0:03:570:04:01

I've been thinking about this for the last 20 years.

0:04:010:04:04

How it'll pan out, good or bad.

0:04:040:04:07

Just hope it's one of the good ones and I don't muck it up.

0:04:100:04:13

BEEPS What you got?

0:04:170:04:19

Some sort of brooch.

0:04:220:04:24

Hm.

0:04:240:04:25

Nice condition.

0:04:270:04:28

It's got the enamelling and...

0:04:290:04:31

and the original pin on the back.

0:04:310:04:34

-Yeah?

-Yeah. Hang on, there's an inscription...

0:04:340:04:38

in Latin!

0:04:390:04:41

What's it say?

0:04:410:04:42

Status quo.

0:04:430:04:45

RADIO PLAYS 80S POP MUSIC

0:04:570:05:01

Did you see that guy who found a Roman hoard in Warwickshire?

0:05:020:05:05

No.

0:05:050:05:06

A million pounds, they reckon.

0:05:060:05:08

Whatever.

0:05:080:05:09

-And it was his first time detecting.

-Second, whatever.

0:05:090:05:12

SHE LAUGHS MOCKINGLY

0:05:120:05:15

You did see it!

0:05:150:05:16

Are you jealous?

0:05:160:05:18

No, why should I be?

0:05:180:05:19

You are, you're jealous.

0:05:190:05:23

God, I can't stand it when other people find good things.

0:05:230:05:26

Can't turn on the news these days without hearing somebody else

0:05:260:05:29

has stumbled upon a hoard of ancient treasure.

0:05:290:05:31

Some of them aren't even looking.

0:05:310:05:33

Everyone else is sliding around in Roman coins.

0:05:330:05:36

I can't even watch Time Team any more because I'm jealous of them.

0:05:360:05:38

Well, you'd be safe in Africa.

0:05:400:05:42

They don't have Time Team in Botswana.

0:05:420:05:45

I need to get the job first.

0:05:450:05:47

To be honest, Becks, I'm bricking it.

0:05:470:05:49

You'll be fine.

0:05:490:05:51

And if I'm not?

0:05:510:05:52

Maybe I can retract my notice and carry on working.

0:05:530:05:57

They'll probably just ask you about your CV and

0:06:000:06:03

see if you've got any questions.

0:06:030:06:05

I don't have a CV.

0:06:050:06:07

Oh. I wrote you a CV.

0:06:070:06:09

Did you?

0:06:090:06:11

Yeah. So you might want to make yourself familiar with that.

0:06:110:06:14

I can't ride a horse.

0:06:170:06:18

Well, they're not going to ask you to ride a horse, are they?

0:06:180:06:22

They're not going to have a horse with them.

0:06:220:06:24

-Why did you put I could ride a horse?

-Forget about the horse!

0:06:240:06:27

And this palaeontology course that I attended on the Jurassic coast?

0:06:270:06:30

-Yeah?

-It wasn't so much a course.

0:06:300:06:32

-You got qualifications.

-It was a badge...

0:06:320:06:34

-You learned a lot.

-..for Cubs.

0:06:340:06:35

Well, to be honest, I was struggling.

0:06:370:06:39

Oh, well, I'm feeling so much better about this now.

0:06:390:06:42

Relax, you'll be great!

0:06:420:06:45

No, I'm all right. I'm going to give it my best shot, for all of us.

0:06:450:06:48

I've heard you talk so passionately about archaeology,

0:06:510:06:54

they will see that passion if you let them, and I'm sure

0:06:540:06:57

that'll make up for your lack of experience.

0:06:570:07:00

Yeah, definitely.

0:07:000:07:01

You're so ready for something like this, Andy.

0:07:010:07:04

We both are.

0:07:040:07:05

It's time to make decisions, get our lives kick-started,

0:07:060:07:10

to really grab life by the horns, don't you think?

0:07:100:07:13

Andy?

0:07:150:07:17

Yeah?

0:07:170:07:18

Are you listening?

0:07:180:07:19

Sorry, I can't decide whether to wash the salad or not.

0:07:190:07:22

Ugh!

0:07:220:07:24

Do you think I should wash the salad?

0:07:240:07:25

Do you know what?

0:07:280:07:29

That's a decision you're going to have to make for yourself.

0:07:310:07:34

Pardon? Was that a yes or a no?

0:07:340:07:37

'Of sentimental value, yes. We're thinking...'

0:07:420:07:44

How's your tea?

0:07:500:07:52

Really horrible.

0:07:520:07:53

Yeah?

0:07:530:07:54

Really horrible.

0:07:550:07:57

It's got a flavour I can't quite put my finger on.

0:07:570:08:00

I can't describe it.

0:08:000:08:01

Sorry, it's the kettle.

0:08:010:08:04

-I use it for...

-Please don't tell me.

0:08:040:08:06

HE LAUGHS

0:08:060:08:07

I was thinking about those guys that came into the pub.

0:08:090:08:12

-Dirt Sharks.

-Yeah?

0:08:120:08:13

What do you think they were after? Do you think they know something?

0:08:130:08:16

No, they're idiots, they're just being nosey.

0:08:160:08:20

I was wondering if I should go see them.

0:08:200:08:22

Honestly, they're always hanging about,

0:08:220:08:24

they're just afraid they're missing out on something.

0:08:240:08:27

Yeah, but I feel a bit rude. Wouldn't mind to say sorry.

0:08:270:08:30

-Do you know where I can call them?

-No.

0:08:300:08:33

But they meet at the WI on a Thursday night.

0:08:330:08:36

Have you got a detector?

0:08:410:08:42

Yeah, I got one second-hand.

0:08:420:08:45

It's a really good one.

0:08:450:08:47

Yeah, got a good deal.

0:08:470:08:49

Do you know how to use it?

0:08:490:08:50

I'll figure it out.

0:08:500:08:52

So what are you going to do once you find the plane?

0:09:030:09:06

-You going to go home?

-Well, no. Actually, I was thinking of taking

0:09:060:09:10

-the detector on a tour of duty.

-Where?

0:09:100:09:12

Don't know, just drive around, maybe visit some historic sites.

0:09:120:09:16

Oh, that sounds nice.

0:09:160:09:18

Come with me.

0:09:190:09:21

-Really?

-You got plans for the summer?

0:09:210:09:24

-Not really.

-Come with me, then.

0:09:240:09:27

OK.

0:09:280:09:29

-No, you give it to him.

-You found it, I'm not touching it.

0:09:350:09:38

I'm not very good with authority figures.

0:09:380:09:41

The mayor has no authority

0:09:410:09:42

unless he's wearing his necklace, so don't hand that over

0:09:420:09:44

until he gives you permission to detect on his land.

0:09:440:09:47

We're doing this for the club. We're on a mission.

0:09:470:09:50

I can't get the image of the mayor out of my head...in the woods.

0:10:010:10:05

I know, try not to think about it. Try to imagine him fully clothed.

0:10:050:10:08

Yes?

0:10:100:10:11

Um... Hello, sir.

0:10:130:10:15

We're...we're the detectorists.

0:10:150:10:17

The what?

0:10:170:10:18

Metal detectors, we found your necklace.

0:10:180:10:21

-WHISPERS:

-It's called a chain of office, you took your bloody time.

0:10:260:10:30

Is it all there?

0:10:300:10:31

It might need some fixing, I think some of the links are broken.

0:10:310:10:35

It must have been flung off with quite some abandon.

0:10:350:10:37

It got caught on a branch.

0:10:370:10:39

That's right...

0:10:390:10:41

Good. Well, I'll phone Terry about the reward.

0:10:410:10:45

Actually, Your Worship,

0:10:450:10:46

instead of a reward, we were wondering

0:10:460:10:48

whether or not you might grant us permission to detect on your land.

0:10:480:10:52

No, absolutely not, out of the question.

0:10:520:10:56

Oh.

0:10:560:10:57

No, nothing to find there.

0:10:570:10:59

No, no.

0:10:590:11:01

-Well, we won't take up any more of your time.

-Good.

0:11:010:11:04

Oh, there's just one more thing.

0:11:040:11:06

-What?

-Well, it's just that the local papers have been in contact asking

0:11:080:11:11

if we have any interesting stories, and we thought they'd be very

0:11:110:11:14

interested to hear about your necklace and...where you lost it.

0:11:140:11:18

It could get a lot of attention, or could go global,

0:11:180:11:21

or make the local TV news.

0:11:210:11:23

Terry said they like a quirky story.

0:11:230:11:25

Especially one with a happy ending.

0:11:250:11:28

LAUGHS: So to speak.

0:11:280:11:30

I see.

0:11:330:11:34

Well, Terry's idea, was this?

0:11:360:11:38

Always knew Terry was bent.

0:11:390:11:41

Even when he was in the Force, he didn't play by the rules.

0:11:410:11:44

And this...

0:11:440:11:45

There is a word for this.

0:11:460:11:48

Is there?

0:11:480:11:49

Hm.

0:11:510:11:52

Fine. Have your permission.

0:11:590:12:02

I know what you're up to, I've been warned about you.

0:12:040:12:06

Have you?

0:12:060:12:07

But he's one step ahead of you, you know.

0:12:070:12:09

Who is?

0:12:090:12:10

Well, thank you!

0:12:140:12:15

You might want to give that a wipe.

0:12:160:12:19

RUSS GROANS

0:12:190:12:21

Hello, I've got an interview at 10.30, Andrew Stone.

0:12:370:12:40

They're running about half an hour behind, you OK to wait?

0:12:410:12:44

-Yeah, sure.

-Take a seat.

-Thank you.

0:12:440:12:46

-I'm just going to get some fresh air.

-OK.

0:13:240:13:26

Morning.

0:13:550:13:56

-Andrew Stone?

-Yes.

0:14:140:14:16

Sorry to keep you waiting, do you want to come through?

0:14:160:14:19

Come in, come in.

0:14:240:14:25

I'm Robert Kingsnorth and this is Dr Tendai

0:14:300:14:32

from the University of Gaborone. Have a seat.

0:14:320:14:35

Dr Tendai is overseeing the excavation at Toutswemogala.

0:14:360:14:40

Right, yes.

0:14:400:14:41

Is there another...?

0:14:430:14:45

No, that's it, I'm afraid.

0:14:450:14:46

Right.

0:14:460:14:47

-Nearly qualified, I see.

-Yes.

0:14:500:14:52

Not much experience in the field.

0:14:560:14:58

No, not yet.

0:14:580:14:59

Right.

0:15:000:15:01

How much do you know about Botswana?

0:15:030:15:05

Um...

0:15:060:15:07

I believe that bridge is very popular.

0:15:090:15:12

The card game.

0:15:160:15:17

I meant archaeology in Botswana.

0:15:190:15:22

Yes.

0:15:220:15:23

Sounds fascinating.

0:15:230:15:25

What does?

0:15:260:15:28

Archaeology.

0:15:280:15:29

Yes.

0:15:300:15:31

How much have you studied the Iron Age?

0:15:330:15:35

Well, I wrote a thesis on the Sterling hoard.

0:15:350:15:38

Sterling hoard, the gold torcs?

0:15:380:15:40

That's right, yeah.

0:15:400:15:41

Found by a metal detector.

0:15:410:15:43

Yes.

0:15:430:15:44

What are you views on metal detectors?

0:15:440:15:47

Um...

0:15:500:15:51

I think as long as they stick to a strict code of conduct,

0:15:510:15:55

then metal detectors...

0:15:550:15:57

people using metal detectors provide a valuable service and recover

0:15:570:16:00

a lot of archaeology that would otherwise be lost to the plough.

0:16:000:16:03

I mean, hobbyists get a very bad press, but the vast majority are

0:16:030:16:07

law-abiding experts in their field

0:16:070:16:09

and absolutely passionate about history.

0:16:090:16:11

You're not a metal detector, are you, Mr Stone?

0:16:110:16:15

Detectorist.

0:16:160:16:17

No.

0:16:190:16:20

Oh, God, and then I asked him if he was into death metal!

0:16:210:16:25

Curse Lance and his pub quiz trivia.

0:16:250:16:28

I know, but, baby, it was awful.

0:16:280:16:31

When I shook their hands at the end,

0:16:310:16:32

they recoiled because mine was so cold and clammy.

0:16:320:16:35

I mean, they physically recoiled.

0:16:350:16:37

Hang on, babes, hang on a second. Dr Tendai?

0:16:370:16:40

-Yes?

-Um...

0:16:400:16:41

Sorry, I just wanted to say, I wasn't picking up cigarette butts.

0:16:410:16:44

Excuse me?

0:16:440:16:45

Earlier when you saw me, I wasn't picking up cigarette butts.

0:16:450:16:49

-Oh.

-Clay pipes.

0:16:490:16:52

Pardon?

0:16:520:16:54

I saw just bits of clay pipe in the flower bed, I...

0:16:540:16:57

What are they?

0:16:580:16:59

Broken bits of pipe, you know, that people used to...smoke.

0:16:590:17:05

How old are they?

0:17:060:17:07

Well, these ones are Victorian,

0:17:070:17:09

-but that one's early 18th, maybe late 17th century.

-Hm.

0:17:090:17:14

How can you tell?

0:17:140:17:16

The older ones are thicker and they had a much smaller bulb

0:17:160:17:19

because tobacco was so expensive.

0:17:190:17:20

OK. And you found these just here?

0:17:200:17:23

Yeah, just... Yeah.

0:17:230:17:25

Can I keep these?

0:17:260:17:28

Yeah.

0:17:280:17:30

Thanks. Bye.

0:17:300:17:31

Bye-bye.

0:17:310:17:32

Oh!

0:17:320:17:34

What was the name of the band you said you like?

0:17:340:17:36

Crack Dust.

0:17:370:17:39

Crack Dust.

0:17:390:17:40

I'll check them out.

0:17:420:17:43

-SHE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

-Oh, God!

0:17:470:17:50

A maverick, yeah?

0:17:500:17:51

He didn't actually use the word maverick, no.

0:17:510:17:54

He said you never did play by the rules.

0:17:540:17:57

Yeah, he's basically saying I was a maverick.

0:17:570:18:00

Sometimes you've got to throw away the rule book and go with a hunch.

0:18:000:18:03

I wasn't in the business of bureaucracy and red tape.

0:18:030:18:06

I was in the business of catching criminals.

0:18:060:18:09

That was back when I had my Cortina.

0:18:100:18:12

Eh, Sheila?

0:18:130:18:15

What's that, love?

0:18:150:18:16

The old Cortina.

0:18:160:18:18

Oh, yes!

0:18:180:18:21

And your leather jacket.

0:18:210:18:22

HE CHUCKLES NOSTALGICALLY

0:18:220:18:25

Right.

0:18:250:18:26

I don't know how many of you heard that, but we've got some good news.

0:18:260:18:31

Thanks to the brave efforts of Russell and Hugh,

0:18:310:18:33

we now have permission to detect on the mayor's land.

0:18:330:18:37

Whoa. Has that land ever been searched before?

0:18:370:18:40

Never. Virgin land.

0:18:400:18:42

How many acres?

0:18:420:18:43

500.

0:18:430:18:44

Get in!

0:18:440:18:45

So the rally's on?

0:18:450:18:46

Can't think of any reason why not.

0:18:460:18:48

Well, hang on, aren't we forgetting something?

0:18:480:18:51

This was about finding Peter's grandfather and the crash site.

0:18:510:18:54

Well, it's funny you should mention that.

0:18:540:18:57

Has anyone seen Peter?

0:18:570:18:58

Yeah, I saw him this morning.

0:18:580:19:00

RUSS CHUCKLES TIMIDLY

0:19:000:19:02

-Is he coming this evening?

-Said he was.

0:19:020:19:05

Because I have in my hand a piece of paper

0:19:050:19:08

that needs some explaining.

0:19:080:19:10

What's that, Tel-boy?

0:19:100:19:11

This is the license to excavate the crash site

0:19:110:19:14

-from the Ministry of Defence.

-Bloody hell, that was quick.

0:19:140:19:17

Exactly. Why?

0:19:170:19:20

Because they have got a full record of the crash,

0:19:200:19:24

and there is no mention of any human remains being onboard.

0:19:240:19:30

What, it's already been excavated?

0:19:300:19:32

No. No-one's touched the plane. There was no need.

0:19:320:19:36

The crewmen all parachuted to safety

0:19:360:19:38

and were captured two days later

0:19:380:19:40

trying to steal a boat from South Woodham Ferrers.

0:19:400:19:43

So what I want to know is...

0:19:430:19:44

-What's he up to?

-What's he looking for?

0:19:440:19:47

Gold.

0:19:470:19:48

What's that, Varde?

0:19:510:19:52

Well, there's always rumours on the internet, conspiracy theories,

0:19:520:19:55

most of which are completely spurious.

0:19:550:19:58

But one persistent story is of a German bomber carrying gold bullion

0:19:580:20:02

that's supposed to have crashed in Essex in 1941.

0:20:020:20:05

There's no real evidence that it ever existed, but the more

0:20:050:20:08

the theories are repeated, the more credence they have and...

0:20:080:20:10

Yeah, all, right Varde, let someone else get a word in.

0:20:100:20:13

Who else has heard this gold bullion story?

0:20:140:20:17

So, hang on, is he lying?

0:20:190:20:21

Is he a treasure hunter?

0:20:210:20:22

No! It's rubbish.

0:20:220:20:25

Varde just said it's completely untrue.

0:20:250:20:27

No, she didn't say it was untrue, she said there was no real evidence.

0:20:270:20:30

Didn't you, Varde?

0:20:300:20:31

You lot are obsessed with gold.

0:20:320:20:35

Here we go.

0:20:350:20:36

Come to think of it, the mayor was acting suspiciously,

0:20:360:20:38

like he knew something we didn't.

0:20:380:20:41

So is that it?

0:20:410:20:43

Are we being taken for a ride?

0:20:430:20:45

Um, hello?

0:20:480:20:50

So!

0:20:500:20:51

You don't want us to disturb your grandfather, do you?

0:20:510:20:55

What's that, Terry?

0:20:550:20:56

Your grandfather, want him to be left in peace?

0:20:560:21:00

Yes, that's right.

0:21:000:21:01

Why is that? Been watching the telly?

0:21:010:21:04

-Sorry, I...

-I don't think he knows, Terry.

0:21:040:21:07

What, there's a spot of Sudoku, doesn't want to be disturbed?

0:21:070:21:10

-What are you talking about?

-Terry, I don't think he knows.

0:21:100:21:13

-What?

-Knows what?

0:21:130:21:15

That your grandfather...

0:21:150:21:16

Didn't die in the plane crash?

0:21:160:21:19

What?

0:21:200:21:21

Oh. OK, well, um...

0:21:230:21:27

Congratulations,

0:21:270:21:29

your grandfather isn't dead.

0:21:290:21:30

Well, of course he may be...by now.

0:21:330:21:35

But he didn't perish in an air crash.

0:21:350:21:38

Not this one anyway.

0:21:400:21:42

This is a cause for celebration!

0:21:420:21:46

Oh, is it, Sheila? Anyone else in the mood for a party?

0:21:460:21:49

This isn't necessarily good news for me.

0:21:500:21:53

If my grandfather survived the war, that means he made

0:21:530:21:55

the conscious decision not to come home to his family.

0:21:550:21:58

No. Yeah. Right.

0:21:580:22:01

Didn't think of that.

0:22:010:22:02

Hm.

0:22:020:22:03

Anyway!

0:22:030:22:04

Means we need to get the plane now...for the rally.

0:22:040:22:07

-Peter, he didn't realise.

-I know, I know. God,

0:22:110:22:13

but I came asking for help and it's turning into some stupid circus.

0:22:130:22:17

He didn't know he was going to discover that.

0:22:170:22:19

I know, but I need to figure out what I want to do, OK?

0:22:190:22:21

I need to think.

0:22:210:22:23

Well, do you want me to come?

0:22:230:22:24

No, I'll call.

0:22:240:22:26

You're a what?

0:22:370:22:38

A detectorist.

0:22:380:22:40

Are you on some sort of register? HE CHUCKLES

0:22:400:22:43

It's a hobby.

0:22:430:22:45

We go out looking for...for metals.

0:22:450:22:47

Buried metals.

0:22:490:22:51

-Gold and stuff.

-Treasure.

0:22:510:22:53

-Well, we wouldn't put it like that.

-Pirate treasure.

0:22:530:22:55

No. Pirate treasure, no.

0:22:550:22:57

Have you found any?

0:22:580:22:59

-What, gold?

-Yeah.

0:22:590:23:01

No.

0:23:010:23:03

OK, what's the best thing you have found?

0:23:030:23:05

Let's, um...

0:23:050:23:06

Why don't we...?

0:23:060:23:08

I've got a surprise for you.

0:23:090:23:11

I've been meaning to give you this.

0:23:130:23:14

I bought it for you when you were born.

0:23:190:23:21

Or when I thought you were born.

0:23:230:23:25

It's a bit late, I've been saving it.

0:23:260:23:29

Oh...

0:23:300:23:32

Thank you.

0:23:320:23:34

I think you might have appreciated it more back then.

0:23:340:23:36

No. No, I like it, thanks.

0:23:360:23:40

And here, this is for...

0:23:400:23:43

for Christmas that same year.

0:23:430:23:45

It's not much, I was a bit skint.

0:23:470:23:49

Wow. Oh!

0:23:490:23:51

I just can't believe you've saved them all these years.

0:23:520:23:55

Oh, that's not it.

0:23:550:23:57

Here's...

0:23:580:24:00

This is for your first birthday.

0:24:010:24:04

And this is for your second.

0:24:040:24:05

And...

0:24:070:24:08

..this is for

0:24:090:24:11

Christmas those years.

0:24:110:24:14

-And here...

-OK, wait, wait. Lance.

-This is for your third birthday.

0:24:150:24:18

-And here's your fourth.

-OK, slow down a bit. Lance.

0:24:180:24:20

Lance wait, wait.

0:24:200:24:22

You've bought me a birthday and a Christmas present ever year.

0:24:220:24:26

Yes.

0:24:260:24:27

That...that's over 40 presents.

0:24:280:24:30

Yes.

0:24:320:24:34

Lance, this is amazing, but I'm freaking out a bit.

0:24:340:24:37

What do you mean?

0:24:370:24:38

I... Oh, I don't think I even own 40 things.

0:24:380:24:42

Oh, fine.

0:24:420:24:44

Well, open this at least.

0:24:440:24:47

The presents can wait.

0:24:470:24:48

-What is it?

-Open it.

0:24:540:24:56

It's your child maintenance.

0:25:030:25:05

I put it aside every month till you were 18.

0:25:050:25:09

It's been gathering interest ever since.

0:25:090:25:12

I can't accept that.

0:25:120:25:14

What do you mean? No, it's yours already. It's always been yours.

0:25:140:25:17

I'm not giving you anything you didn't already own,

0:25:170:25:20

-you just didn't know about it.

-No, Lance I just ...

0:25:200:25:22

-No, no call me Dad.

-No!

0:25:220:25:24

I can't yet, I'm sorry. Um...

0:25:240:25:26

This is all just a bit much. I'm going to go. I'm sorry.

0:25:260:25:28

No, no, you don't have to. You're not supposed to go yet.

0:25:280:25:32

No, but... I've got all the...

0:25:320:25:35

'Postman's coming. You might hear about that job today.'

0:25:460:25:49

Yeah, I wouldn't hold your breath.

0:25:490:25:51

Should've seen the beards on the other applicants.

0:25:510:25:54

'A beard and BO doth not an archaeologist make.'

0:25:540:25:58

Sure goes a long way towards fitting in, though.

0:25:580:26:00

-Is that it?

-No.

0:26:120:26:14

It's a magazine subscription thing.

0:26:140:26:17

Have a nice day with Daddy. Say hello to Uncle Lance.

0:26:190:26:23

Don't listen to any of their bullshit.

0:26:230:26:25

We don't talk bullshit.

0:26:250:26:26

Yes, you do.

0:26:260:26:28

We talk about all manner of philosophical issues.

0:26:280:26:31

Arts, religion, science, you name it.

0:26:310:26:35

Life.

0:26:350:26:36

Did you hear about old Rod McClin?

0:26:380:26:41

-What about him?

-Dead, mate.

0:26:410:26:43

How?

0:26:430:26:45

Fell in a vat of boiling soup.

0:26:450:26:48

-What?

-Well,

0:26:480:26:50

he was working over at Billingsgate Foods

0:26:500:26:52

in charge of the soup,

0:26:520:26:54

fell in.

0:26:540:26:55

Bloody hell!

0:26:550:26:57

Ah, I know. Grim.

0:26:570:26:59

Do you know what flavour?

0:27:050:27:07

Dunno.

0:27:080:27:10

For some reason, I'm imagining tomato.

0:27:100:27:13

Yeah. Me too.

0:27:130:27:15

He was a legend, Rod McClin.

0:27:160:27:18

Didn't people say he had metal detector shoes

0:27:200:27:22

so he was constantly detecting?

0:27:220:27:24

There's lots of stories about old Rod.

0:27:240:27:27

Yeah, he used to go detecting at the end of each day for loose

0:27:280:27:31

change on Wimbledon Common.

0:27:310:27:33

ANDY SNICKERS

0:27:330:27:36

What?

0:27:360:27:38

Wimbledon Common.

0:27:380:27:39

What about it?

0:27:400:27:42

Well, it's not real.

0:27:420:27:43

Not real?

0:27:430:27:45

No, it's fictitious. It's made up for the Wombles.

0:27:460:27:49

No, it wasn't.

0:27:490:27:51

Yes, it was.

0:27:510:27:53

# Underground, overground

0:27:530:27:55

-# Wombling free... #

-No, no.

0:27:550:27:56

I know the Wombles lived there,

0:27:560:27:59

but that doesn't mean it's not a real place.

0:27:590:28:01

You believe in Wombles?

0:28:010:28:03

Course I don't.

0:28:030:28:04

Look, the fictitious Wombles lived fictitiously

0:28:040:28:09

on the real-life Wimbledon Common.

0:28:090:28:12

-Really?

-Google it.

0:28:120:28:14

No signal.

0:28:230:28:24

Google it later.

0:28:250:28:26

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS