Episode 2 Epic Win

They've come from all over the UK, ordinary people with extraordinary abilities.

Powers so pointless, they will rock the very foundations of society.

Heroes will rise.

Legends will be born.

This is Epic Win!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Please welcome your Epic host, it's Alexander Armstrong!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and this is Epic Win, the show that

scours the country to find great British heroes with jaw-droppingly senseless superpowers.

For example, can you knit spaghetti?

Can you recreate the image of Huw Edwards using only your hair?

Or can you juggle dust?

Well, these are precisely the types of useless skills that people will be demonstrating on this show.

And it all happens here in the Epic Centre.

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

Yes! This is where our heroes come to have their powers tested.

If they pass the challenge we set them, they'll earn themselves the title of Epic Winner,

and get the chance to win some cold, hard cash.

But if they don't, they'll leave the studio as a penniless Epic Fail, through the dreaded Fail Door.

AUDIENCE: Aw!

Now, as always, this show is going to be pretty epic,

so there three panellists who'll be deciding how much our challengers' skills are worth.

So, Joe, in that lovely Saturday night voice of yours, will you please introduce this week's guests?

Gazing in wonder at public pointlessness tonight, our panel are...

She's got more characters than the Japanese alphabet, it's comedian Katy Brand!

APPLAUSE

When Katy fills her car up, the counter always stops bang on the pound! Epic Win!

She knows her way around the Queen Vic's pumps, it's Eastenders' Rita Simons!

APPLAUSE

Rita looked in the fridge this morning and there was still one yoghurt left. Epic Win!

And you can take the man out of London, but ask

first or he'll press charges, it's stand-up Micky Flanagan.

APPLAUSE

Last week at the airport, Micky's suitcase came out first on the baggage carousel. Epic Win!

A big hand for Joe Lycett, please!

OK, well, the panel will be awarding cash to our Epic Winners.

How much money will depend on how impressed they are with our contenders' skills.

So let's meet tonight's first challenger, who's hoping to secure an Epic Win.

My name's Tony Luckhurst. I'm from Ealing, West London.

I've been a butcher 42 years. 42 years, man and boy!

My father was a butcher, my father's father was a butcher, it's in my blood.

What people don't understand is good butchery's like art, and I love art.

Roll it, roast it.

Leg of beef, stew it.

Ring rib, put it in a frame, hang it on the wall.

APPLAUSE

Well, he knows his meat, but does he have the chops to Epic Win?

Please welcome Tony Luckhurst!

APPLAUSE

Tony Luckhurst... Ooh!

He has a butcher's hands.

-What's your favourite meat?

-All of it.

-All of it?

-Yeah.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-You're not fussy?

-No, not at all.

Well, this is Epic Win, which means you really are going to have to put your knowledge to the test.

So, tell us, Joe, what exactly is Tony's challenge tonight?

To Epic Win tonight, Tony Luckhurst has to identify meat with his feet!

AUDIENCE: Wooh!

That is spectacularly useless. Tony will be inspecting plates of meat...

with his... Well, with his plates of meat!

So, Tony, come with me, we will meet the panel, who will be judging your challenge.

I've got a word to say to you, Tony... Quorn.

-Quorn?

-Quorn.

-What's all that about?

-The future.

-The future of...?

-How do you feel about non-meat eaters?

-I love them.

-Braised?

-Yes!

We have a fantastic challenge before us now, and to find out

how it works, let's head over to the Veal of Fortune!

Ooh, look at that.

So, as you can see, on our Veal are ten plates of meat.

We'll ask the panel to pick five plates and if Tony can identify

three of them with his feet, it's an Epic Win and he'll go on to play for the money.

But if not, it's going to be a slightly sticky walk to the Fail Door.

-Tony, it's three out of five for an Epic Win, are you ready?

-I'm ready.

OK. Katy, pick a plate.

Ooh. I'm going to go for number five, please.

OK, number five.

Joe, spin it to number five.

And show everyone what's under the dome.

Oh, delicious.

Best foot forward.

Look at those expert toes, look at them!

Wiggly, wiggly!

Is it still called dexterity when it's feet?

It's spongy. It's...

This is horrible.

I think I know what this is. It's tripe.

CHEERING

-Which wasn't tripe, because it was tripe!

-He's got guts, hasn't he?

It could have been offal!

Sorry! OK, now, Rita?

I think I'm going to choose number two.

Thank you very much, Mr Joe.

Reveal what lies beneath the dome of number two.

A good source of protein.

Like all meat.

OK. Ooh. What are you thinking there, Tony?

I know instantly.

You know instantly what that is?

-I know instantly. That's the great feel of liver.

-Ooh!

No, no, no, no, no.

He knew instantly, but got it wrong instantly.

Kidney. One out of two so far. Here is your third plate.

Micky Flanagan.

I think we all learnt something there, didn't we?

Just think for a second.

Um...

I'm going to go for... I'm going to go for number four.

Number four, says Micky Flanagan.

-Mmm!

-Ooh.

Just feeling to see if there's any bone in it. I can't feel any.

I might use my left foot here, actually for a bit of, er...

-Why not? Go for it. Live on the edge.

-This is very difficult,

-and I'm not 100% on this one.

-This is quite forensic, isn't it?

This is lamb scrag.

CHEERING

Very well done, Tony! He pulled it back with lamb scrag.

It's like a penalty shoot-out.

-One more from you, please, Rita.

-Number ten, please.

Number ten. Ooh! Ooh!

Yummy, yummy, yummy!

Wow, OK, there you are, Tony.

You dive in.

There's a bit of bone on the edge. I'm thinking that it

may be a chop of some kind. So, sort of feeling around

the sides of it...

-You are giving that a lovely tenderising.

-Yes.

I feel that this is a pork chop.

CHEERING

Micky, Micky, Micky, you're so fine! You're so fine, you blow my mind!

Hey, Micky.

You've got very nice feet, if I can say that.

I was really worrying about looking at your... I don't like looking at people's feet.

I want flip-flops banned in zones one and two, to be honest.

Anyway, that's another issue.

No, I was impressed, but I felt that

I wasn't as impressed as I, you know, initially thought I would be, to be honest.

I've got to be honest with you, Tony.

I'm thinking if any of your regulars are watching, they are going to be freaked out right now.

I think your meat sales might drop a little bit.

I think they will be impressed at how well I know my products.

Well, Tony, you are an Epic Winner, that means that you've won the delightful Epic Win trophy!

That will definitely go home with you. But as an Epic Winner, the panel will put a value

on your skill, and you could leave with some cash in your pockets.

So join me in the Epic Centre, we'll find out what your win is worth.

OK, panel, each of can give up to £1,000 to put into Tony's pot, so here's the big money question.

How much is a man who can name meat with his feet worth?

Decide now and lock in the money.

Look at me, Tone.

Look at me!

-Yeah.

-Yeah. We'll see.

-I've got your number.

You just lost a tenner.

OK, the money's locked in. Tony, we've totted up the amounts that our

three panellists think your power deserves, and the grand total could be anything from £3 if they are

being stingy, up to £3,000 if they are being incredibly generous.

Joe will offer you increasing sums of money.

If you stop the money before going over the total, it'll be an...

Epic Win!

And you'll go home with whatever money you stopped on.

But if you wait too long and go even one pound over the panel's total, how much will he go home with, Joe?

Zero pounds!

Yes. Now, ready to play?

Let's turn powers into pounds.

All right, let's do it.

-What's it going to be?

-£673.

-More than that.

-It's a derisory sum. You are right to shun it.

-£769.

-What are you thinking, Tony?

AUDIENCE: More!

They are saying more over there.

Yes.

-£1,674.

-That's the one.

-He's going for it! Wow.

-CHEERING

-OK.

Very well done.

Tony, you've stopped

the money at £1,674. Did you make the right decision?

Or have you overvalued yourself and lost the lot? Let's take a look.

Epic Win!

CHEERING

Very well done. Very well done.

I tell you what, Tony, you cut the money off in time,

so you are going to be leaving us with a pretty impressive sum -

-£1,674. You can't be upset with that.

-No.

But here's the killer question, could you have held out for more?

Or were you right to stop the money when you did? Let's see the panel's total.

It was exactly right!

Spot-on! Let me shake your big butcher's hand! Very well done.

An altogether satisfactory outcome.

Let's see how much our panellists gave you

with the breakdown...

-Top man!

-You see?

-You see what he did there?

-Yes.

-Ooh, Micky, you're a sly one.

-Psyching you out, man.

-Yeah.

Well, congratulations, Tony, you are officially the Master of Meat.

You head out of here with £1,674, plus, let me give you this...

-Oh, wow!

-The Epic Win Trophy! This is what you came for.

There you are, Tony, very well done, you.

-APPLAUSE

-Now... Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, the STEAKS were high, but he didn't put a foot wrong.

He's my hero and yours, Tony Luckhurst!

APPLAUSE

Brilliant. Now, we search far and wide

to bring you the most mind-boggling powers on this show, and every so often, we find something that's just

a bit too huge to fit into our stadium of senselessness. And our next contender is no exception.

Please welcome Hugh Edeleanu!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hugh Edeleanu. Welcome.

Lovely to have you here. So, Hugh's the head of a digger hire company.

He actually lets people loose on them on stag and hen parties.

He's also founded a chain of digger-based adventure parks called Diggerland, officially the most fun

you can have in a hard hat and a high-vis jacket without being a member of the Village People.

So what's the difference between Diggerland and a normal building site?

Certainly families aren't allowed on building sites.

Ah. Very good point.

Joe, please reveal what Hugh's challenge will be tonight.

For his Epic Win, Hugh has to pour two glasses of champagne... using a digger!

-AUDIENCE: Ooh!

-Wow.

Here are the details of Hugh's challenge.

First, he has to select a bottle of champagne from an ice bucket, then remove the foil, wire and cork.

And finally, he has to lift the bottle back up and successfully pour two full glasses of fizz, and all

using a mechanical digger. So let's see how Hugh got on.

So off we go for the Epic challenge.

Look at that concentration, look at those nostrils flaring.

Machine doing everything a man can do, only slower.

More nostril work!

Having said that, there are waiters in Paris who could do that slower.

Obviously, he still needs to develop a machine

that can get the bottle out of the cellar.

Total dominion of man over digger.

Look at that! Beautifully done!

There we go. Precision.

You normally get six glasses of champagne out of a bottle like that.

Not if you pour it like that, you don't.

Now, you only have to drop that bottle and the whole bet is off.

-Whoa! Look at that.

-APPLAUSE

That was astonishing, and you've served yourself up an Epic Win.

Many congratulations. So let's see what the panel made of that. Katy?

I'm completely won over.

From now on, that is how I want my champagne served to me.

Accept nothing less.

What's the little fork thing on the end? Is that normally on the end of a digger?

Because I thought that was a bit cheaty.

-Oh, Rita!

-Are you not happy with the modified digger?

-Really?

-I'm not happy.

-You thought with the teeth that far apart?

-Well, the task is the task.

So, Micky, what are you thinking?

I'm vacillating.

I'm swinging between realising that it is quite a skill, but then I'm sort of...

I don't like it when you start adding things on to something.

Oh. But the precision!

-The flared nostrils!

-Yeah.

We'll see.

OK. Well, Hugh, you are an Epic Winner, and that means you're taking home the Epic Win trophy!

But can you take home some cold, hard cash?

It's time to play our money game and find out what your Epic Win is worth in the Epic Centre.

CHEERING

OK, panel, each of you has up to £1,000.

So how much do you think Hugh's mechanical maitre d' deserves?

Make up your minds and lock it in.

-Katy's doing some maths.

-Just doing a few calculations.

OK. The money's locked in. Hugh, you have seen how this works.

You just have to hit the button before you go bust.

Do that and it will be an...

Epic Win!

CHEERING

But try to take more than what the panel has given you and you will go home with...

Zero pounds!

That's right. Nothing.

Remember, the total sum of money the panel's awarded could be the first offer. Are you ready?

-I'm ready.

-Right. Hands on the big red button.

Here we go.

-£749.

-What do you think?

AUDIENCE: More!

They are saying more. They are saying more.

-More.

-You think more?

-I hope so.

£1,147.

AUDIENCE: More!

-What are you thinking?

-I'm thinking maybe more.

Maybe more, he's going to hold out.

-Maybe more.

-OK.

-Right.

Out he holds.

£1,469.

What are you thinking now?

I'm thinking of a holiday I might be able to go on.

-AUDIENCE: More!

-They're saying more.

-They're saying more. You...

-No!

You're going to go higher?

You're going to go higher, you might be blowing the lot here.

£1,537.

£1,537?

AUDIENCE: More!

-Help me. Help me.

-I'm hearing voices saying stick, voices saying more...

-You're going to go for more?

-I am.

-He's going to go for more!

Could this be recklessness, or could it just be

extremely canny money management?

£1,603!

£1,603. He's hit the red button!

He's hit the red button! OK.

Well, Hugh, how confident are you? You played a...

You played a waiting game there.

-Well...

-He played a WAITING game with the thing as well!

-GROANING

-See? That's why I'm doing this show!

LAUGHTER

Have you valued yourself too highly, or is it time to break open the bubbly?

Let's see, let's see. Come on.

(I think it's higher, by the way.)

(That's better than nothing.)

Zero pounds.

AUDIENCE: Aw!

Oh, you've overvalued yourself.

What was the panel's total? Let's just find out, Joe.

I think I'm going to be getting a tent for my holiday.

Oh, dear. Let's see what our panellists gave you.

See how that broke down.

Wow!

He can't look you in the eye.

Micky, you've made an enemy of a man with a big digger.

-Is that wise?

-I think he's got digger envy.

LAUGHTER

I'm sending out a signal to people who are going to come on this show -

it might be meaningless and ridiculous, but it's serious as well.

We can't have people just coming on here and rewriting the rule book,

fixing a fork on to the end of it, putting a cone down to put the bottle in.

What if the meat bloke had come on, took his shoes off and had a finger grafted on to his...?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK. Thank you, panel. Hugh, I don't need to tell you

but you held on too long, so you won't be leaving here with any prize money tonight.

But on the up side, you still have this Epic Win trophy!

Yay! There you go.

That is yours, my friend.

Raise your glasses, folks. He's a true hero,

It's Hugh Edeleanu!

CHEERING

Very well done.

He might not have won the money but that was a cracking win.

Let's see if our next hero in waiting can match it.

Who is it going to be?

Ordinary streets.

Ordinary houses. Ordinary doors.

But behind ordinary doors live extraordinary people like Sharon.

My name's Sharon and I'm John Travolta's number-one fan.

A woman who takes her adulation of celebrity to a shocking new level.

It was in 1976 in OH BOY! magazine when I first set eyes on John.

That was 34 years ago and I've been hooked ever since.

I've got pillows, cushions, dolls and action figures. There's a lot of stuff built up over the years.

For Sharon, Grease is definitely the word.

I changed my name to Sharon Johnette Travolta on John's birthday...

Excuse me?!

I change my name to Sharon Johnette Travolta on John's birthday, 18th February, 1994.

People thought I was crazy.

It's just more proof that I'm John's number one fan.

It doesn't bother me what people think.

If they don't like it, that's too bad.

The woman who puts the "fan" into "massive fan".

She's more than a woman, she's Sharon Johnette Travolta!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Johnette Travolta. Welcome to Epic Win. Lovely to have you.

-Thank you very much.

-Sharon's been collecting Travolta memorabilia for nearly 35 years.

She saw The Taking of Pelham 123 50 times at the cinema,

and six of those was on the day the film was released.

-You changed your name to Sharon Johnette Travolta?

-Yes.

Why didn't you just go with Johnette Travolta?

I thought I'd keep my original name, because that is my name,

but I thought Johnette as a middle name, you know?

-It sounds not too bad.

-I take your point.

I was this close to going with Alexander Zola Budd.

But do people ever think you're related? They must do.

They do say, they do comment, "any relation?"

-Then I say things like...

-"Yes, I'm married to him."

-Yeah!

-"He's my husband."

-That would be nice.

For anyone who doubts being obsessed with John Travolta qualifies as a superpower,

it's time to reveal the nature of Sharon's challenge. Joe.

To Epic Win tonight, Sharon has to identify John Travolta films just from his hairline!

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

What a surprisingly useful skill that is.

I've got a very good feeling about this one.

To show you how Sharon's challenge is going to work, let's go to the pictures.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Yeah, Sharon, please, take a seat.

-Thank you.

Come round and sit down here.

Oh... Very good indeed.

Oh...my...goodness!

WHOOPING

-Do you want... Do you want some marshmallows?

-In a bunch?

Delicious non-branded drinks?

I'll have a drink, thank you.

-I actually can't, they're sort of glued in.

-Oh.

Can I have some popcorn?

Ooh, Mr Telly, "I want my popcorn!" I'll go and get your popcorn.

We only had a small.

Thank you very much! Would you like some popcorn?

I'll have some popcorn.

I'll pop that down there. OK, look, here's how it works.

On our silver screen, we're going to show Sharon a series of Travolta hairlines.

All she has to do is match each hairline to the film it featured in.

If you can name ten correctly in 60 seconds, she'll be declared an Epic Winner.

If not, she'll be asked to leave through the Fail Door.

OK. Yes. Over to you, Joe.

# Da da da Da da da da da da da da...

# Da da da, da, da da da!

# Da da da, da, da da da!

# Da da, da da... # Your time starts now!

-That's Phenomenon.

-Phenomenon, one.

-Face Off.

-Two.

-Carrie.

-Three.

-Bolt.

-Four!

-Michael.

-Five!

-Erm, Old Dogs.

-Six!

Erm, Get Shorty.

Oh! Six, still.

-Erm, Wild Hogs.

-Seven.

-Saturday Night Fever.

-Eight!

-Erm, From Paris With Love.

-Nine!

Erm, The Taking Of Pelham 123.

Ten! There we are!

EPIC WIN!

Up we get. Oh, my word!

You answered 11 and you got 10 right in 44 seconds.

-Oh, wow.

-Wow. That is...

You are an Epic Winner.

-Congratulations!

-Oh, thank you.

-That was pretty amazing.

-Oh, thank you.

-Were you confident before you went in?

-Fairly confident.

How many did you know, Mr Flanagan?

The Saturday Night Fever one.

-Did you?

-Yeah, because I've watched that quite a lot of times.

-It changed my life, that film.

-Yeah.

Did you realise you should never, ever dance?

Sharon, you're an Epic Winner, so you are taking home a chunk of solid magic.

Yes, it's the Epic Win trophy!

A thing of genuine beauty. But what was your win worth?

The panel's total could be anything from £3 to £3,000,

and to win some cash, all you have to do is hit that button before you go over their combined total.

-But don't be too greedy, like the last man.

-OK.

£579.

SHOUTING

They're all saying more.

What are you going to do?

-Carry on.

-Carry on? Quite right.

£815.

-What are you thinking?

-Carry on.

-She's going to carry on, she's going to carry on.

It was very impressive after all. Don't forget. 44 seconds.

£1,123.

More, they're still saying.

-What are you thinking?

-I'm thinking of stopping there.

-You're going to stay?

-Yeah.

She's going to stop! She's going to stop!

CHEERING

£1,123. Sharon Johnette Travolta, that is a sum you have decided

to stick on, but will you be taking that sum home,

-or have you gone over the top and you'll be taking home, Joe, remind us?

-Zero pounds.

Yeah, exactly. OK. So let's discover.

EPIC WIN!

Yay!

Yes, Sharon Johnette Travolta, you stopped the money in time!

That means you will be taking home not only the Epic Win trophy, but also £1,123.

-Many congratulations.

-Thank you.

-But what we want to know is

were you bang on target, or could you have held out for more?

Let's see what the panel thought you were worth.

-Oh!

-No way!

What have you done?!

-What have you done there?

-I don't believe it.

The total they can award is £3,000.

Look how impressed they are. They're almost tearing up.

I've got chills!

-They're multiplying!

-They're multiplying!

Wow. Wowee. Let's just see what each of our panellists gave you.

Ah! Oh! Micky Flanagan.

There is nothing you can do with this.

We're not going to see anything more ridiculous than this.

It is what the show's about, and you were brilliant...

Exactly the sort of pointless activity that should be rewarded with large amounts of money.

I also appear to look like the meanie here now. I was...

-Yeah, mean!

-Well, I only took £2 off...

-You took £2 off?!

I took £2 off thinking Micky was going to give you nothing.

I thought I'd better give you loads, because he's going to give you...

Don't you worry about my game. You play your own game!

Don't ever get into panto, will you?!

Oh, yes, I will.

Listen, Sharon, you are clearly beyond a shadow of a doubt,

an epic superfan, and you will be leaving here with £1,123 and...

..the Epic Win trophy. There you are.

Please, take it.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

She's the true Queen of the Quiff, ladies and gentlemen.

A heroic victory for Sharon Johnette Travolta!

Very well done.

We've seen some staggering skills on the show tonight

but there's still time for one more slice of Epicness.

Please welcome Robin Wood!

CHEERING

Robin Wood. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Epic Win.

Fantastic. Robin Wood.

You're one letter away from being a folk hero.

And maybe just a few moments away from being a national hero.

You're a wood sculptor, you started as a tree surgeon,

your current project is a wooden panda that you're sculpting for Edinburgh Zoo.

That's nice, isn't it? Got to keep the population up somehow.

Listen, I am hoping for something truly epic here.

What is Robin's challenge going to be?

Hoping to nail an Epic Win tonight, Robin Wood will become the Chainsaw Chef!

Very good.

What exactly does being a chainsaw chef entail?

We're giving Robin some vegetables, a wok, a camping stove, some oil,

soy sauce and a piece of tree trunk and, using his chainsaws,

he has to prepare and serve a tasty stir fry in three minutes.

To make this tricky, we won't give him any crockery or cutlery. He has to make those himself.

Your three minutes will start after your first cut.

I will hide over there in Cowardy Custard Corner with my goggles. Let's get cooking!

CHEERING

OK. Go!

He's got to rustle up a vegetable stir fry plus a way to serve it.

That means a bowl and a fork.

OK, that's the vegetables sliced and diced.

That's the ingredients in place. Oh, quick change of chainsaw.

Robin's been wood sculpting for seven years.

This is fast food as you've never seen it.

Remember, this log will have to produce a wooden bowl

and a pair of chopsticks.

One minute gone.

SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

CHEERING

A big stir there, don't want burnt veg.

One minute left on the clock.

Giving it a polish now. This man's a perfectionist.

30 seconds left!

Almost there. And that's the bowl done.

Just needs to serve up now.

Ha-ha-ha! Well done!

EPIC WIN!

Very, very well done!

Congratulations, Robin. That looks delicious.

It is all right, you know.

You get chips as well, fantastic!

Robin, you are an Epic Winner, and you had eight seconds to spare.

-Uh-huh.

-And you've still got all ten fingers!

Damn, that's me down a tenner.

OK. Come with me and let's find out what the panel thought of that.

Micky, do you want to take your cans off?!

-No, this is how I want to live the rest of my life.

-OK.

Look, it's a beautiful bowl.

-That's lovely. Mmm!

-That is a culinary treat, look at that.

Very good. Very, very good indeed.

-That's very nice, do you want to try some?

-What have you done with it?

Mmm! Ooh, yum! Yeah.

Mmm, I'm getting oaky, I'm getting nutty, I'm getting...

splintery.

-Very splintery.

-Micky, would you try some?

-No, I'm working class, I don't eat that rubbish.

It's a bit samey, I've been watching versions of this all my life.

I've seen ice sculptors, people carving stuff...

But that's just doing ice. He made supper.

That's a world first.

That was proper culinary chopping.

Robin, you are an Epic Winner, no question of that.

That means you are taking home our glorious Epic Win trophy.

AUDIENCE: Wooh!

OK, panel, once again you have up to £1,000 each.

It's up to you to decide how much a man who can

chop up a chop suey is worth.

As you know, the panel's total could be anything from £3 to £3,000.

It's up to you when to hit the big red button.

OK, here we go.

£175.

AUDIENCE: More!

-They're saying more.

-I reckon more, I hope so.

£1,066.

AUDIENCE: More!

It's on 1066, everyone is saying more.

-What are you thinking?

-A bit more.

You're going up? He's going higher.

£1,690.

What are you thinking? What are you thinking?

Oh... Keep going, but...

-You're going to go on, aren't you?

-Yeah.

Robin's going on!

Very popular decision.

£2,031.

INDISTINCT SHOUTING

He's going to take it! Robin has pressed the big red button

on £2,031. So, will you be taking that money home with you

or have you bitten off more than you can chew?

Let's find out. Joe...

Epic Win!

CHEERING

Very well done. Place it right there. Very good.

Well, yes, you stopped the money before you went bust,

which means you will be taking home £2,031. Very well done.

Here is the big question. Did you hit the panel's total bang on?

Or could you have held out for more money?

-Oh!

-CHEERING

Very, very well gauged.

My maths tells me you were £152 out, so that's not bad at all.

-I'm happy.

-Let's see what the panel individually decided you were worth.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

Oh, look at that!

-Thank you!

-Katy Brand.

You've gone the full grand there.

Yeah, well, what can you say about a man who brings me dinner

in under three minutes and carves the bowl?

-That's got to be worth a grand, hasn't it?

-I'll say.

Rita, just the £850 from you.

I was really impressed, especially when I thought you'd really made

a mess of the bowl and you didn't. It was brilliant.

And, Micky Flanagan.

BOOING

No, this is...

BOOING

I'm still getting paid.

LAUGHTER

OK, Robin, you are the Chief of Chainsaws, no doubt.

You are buzzing off with £2,031, but much more important than that,

you are taking this, my friend, the Epic Win trophy.

-Very well done.

-Thank you.

-Very well done indeed.

So, ladies and gentlemen, he came, he sawed, he conquered.

Show some love for the hero that is Robin Wood!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

There we have it, that is all the public preposterousness we have time for. Thanks to our panel,

Katy Brand, Rita Simons and Micky Flanagan.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thanks to the esteemed Joe.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join us next time for more staggering but senseless exploits on...

Epic Win!

Good night!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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