Episode 4 Epic Win


Episode 4

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From all over the UK.

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Ordinary people with extraordinary abilities.

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Powers so pointless they will rock the very foundations of society.

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Heroes will rise.

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Legends will be born.

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This is Epic Win!

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APPLAUSE

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Please welcome your epic host, it's Alexander Armstrong!

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Thank you very much. Thank you!

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Hello! I'm Alexander Armstrong and this is Epic Win, the show that scours the country

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to find great British heroes with jaw-droppingly senseless superpowers.

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For instance, are you a person with an adhesive forehead?

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Can you recognise a range of kitchen tiles from just their smell?

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Or can you plait your own legs? I see you can.

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These are the types of useless skills that people will demonstrate on this show.

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And it all happens here, in the Epic Centre.

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This is where our heroes come to have their powers tested.

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If they pass the challenge we set them, they'll earn themselves the title of Epic Winner

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and get the chance to win some cold, hard cash. But if they don't,

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they'll leave the studio as a penniless Epic Failures, through our dreaded Fail Door.

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DOOR CLANGS

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With the weird clang.

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Now, this show is way too epic for one man to handle on his own,

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so I have various people helping me. So, tell us, Joe,

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who's joining us on the show this week?

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Gazing in wonder at public pointlessness tonight, our panel are...

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He's the reason they built Hadrian's Wall, it's Scottish stand-up Kevin Bridges!

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When Kevin drops his toast, it always lands butter side up. Epic Win!

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She's the star of the one show we all watch, It's the One Show's Alex Jones.

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Last week Alex thought she'd been clamped,

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but it was somebody else's car. Epic Win!

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And he's tickled Prince Charles' funny bone

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without getting himself arrested. It's comedian Micky Flanagan.

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Micky's just had a haircut, and it's exactly what he wanted.

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Epic Win!

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Joe Lycett, everybody.

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Let's get down to business. Who is our first hopeful hero tonight?

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Einstein, Socrates, Vorderman.

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The greatest minds ever to grace planet Earth.

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But now a new brain has emerged,

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which makes Galileo look like a Gali-loser.

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It's Pridmore.

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Ben Pridmore from Nottinghamshire.

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No, seriously. He's really, really clever.

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Ben possesses a superhuman ability to memorise things

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that would give a normal noggin a migraine.

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A former world memory champ,

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Ben can record a sequence of 27 packs of playing cards.

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That's a whopping 1,404 cards in just one hour.

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The system that I use is known as the Ben System.

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The basic principle is to turn whatever you're trying to memorise

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into vivid mental pictures.

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If I wanted to help somebody remember a PIN number,

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the number 1580, for example, you could imagine

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that a man walks into a bank holding a candlestick, looking like the number one.

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In front of him in the queue,

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there's a snake wrapped around a man's neck, the number five.

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Behind the counter, instead of a cashier,

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there's a big, fat snowman - looking like the number eight.

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And the snowman is holding a balloon that looks like the number zero.

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It's really as simple as that.

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The only thing you do need is to be weird enough to want to do it.

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What this man's forgotten isn't worth remembering.

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What this man's remembered

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also isn't worth remembering. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Ben Pridmore!

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Great to have you here. It's very impressive. How impressive is Ben?

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He's been World Memory Champion no fewer than three times!

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And, guess what? He's a qualified accountant.

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-I know!

-What was it like when you first got crowned World Memory Champion?

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That must have been a moment you'll never forget, eh?

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The funny thing is, that was seven years ago and I've never heard that joke before.

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Never? Welcome to Epic Win!

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-Alex, do you have a good memory?

-I've an OK memory.

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Although I did turn up at work once, pulled my coat off and I'd forgotten to put a top on.

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So I was sitting in my bra.

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-Not a great memory.

-Have you got any pictures of that?

-I haven't got any pictures.

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I've reached the point where, you know,

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I get to the middle of the stairs and I don't know why I'm there.

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You have that battle with yourself.

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You think, "I'm not at that point of my life where I can't remember what's happening halfway up the stairs."

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It happened the other day and I refused to move.

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And I thought, "Ah, I know what I've come up here for - my wordsearch."

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-Very good.

-Are you ready to find out what Ben is going to be doing for his Epic Win?

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-AUDIENCE CHEERS

-Joe, will you kindly fill us in, please?

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Ladies and gentlemen, tonight in this very studio,

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Ben Pridmore will become A Human Barcode Reader.

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Beep!

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We've given Ben a list of 250 supermarket products, just like this one.

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Each one of these products has a price, and a barcode.

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Now, Ben has learned how to read these barcodes.

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That's right. He has memorised 250 of THESE.

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-That's a lot of black lines.

-And white lines.

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That's very clever.

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How do you tell the difference between one barcode and another?

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-It's a lot easier than you'd think. You see this one?

-Yeah.

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White-black, white-black means one. Black-white, black-white black is two.

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Black-white, black-white black is two. 122 for me is a tent.

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A tent with chicken soup. And 52p, for me, is the sun.

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The sun is shining down on chicken soup outside a tent.

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52 weeks in a year. There you are.

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-Simple.

-So reading a barcode is like reading another language? It's just like a language

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that very few people understand? Not unlike Welsh, in fact.

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SHE SPEAKS WELSH

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So, earlier today we randomly selected 50 products from our list.

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For his Epic Win, we've challenged Ben to identify ten of them,

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and their prices, in one minute. There's only one way to read a barcode. Please get inside the till.

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-You all right, Ben?

-Yeah.

-All we need now is someone to operate the till.

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So, cashier to checkout number one, please.

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Wow.

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What are you doing in my shop?

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-So, Ben, are you good to go?

-I'm good.

-Comfortable?

-More or less.

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Confident?

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Then it's shopping at the ready, Joe. Your minute starts now.

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Stock cubes, 99p.

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Rice pudding, 85.

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Very well done, that's two out of two.

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Jelly, 40p.

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Three out of three!

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-You know, those things. Lasagne sheets, 46.

-Four out of four.

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Six more.

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Ravioli, 107.

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Five out of five.

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Um... Gherkins.

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Um, 89.

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Um... Uh...

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-Bleach. 99. No!

-BUZZER

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Oh, forget it.

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Chick peas. 60p.

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Margarine. £1.

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END-OF-ROUND BUZZER Oh, no!

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Epic Fail!

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AUDIENCE GROANS

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Come over here to join our panel.

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You might not have made it to your 10 correct answers,

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-but that was fantastic!

-What did you think about that, Kevin?

-Brilliant.

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Ben, if it's any consolation, I thought you're still more reliable than a self-service check-in.

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Micky, did Ben do it for you?

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Not really, no.

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-Micky Flanagan!

-Wasted everybody's time.

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Micky Flanagan!

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You can't go on a show like this and...

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Aw, you can't say that! Ahh!

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You know, you want to practise a bit more.

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-Would you like to have a go, before we tidy it away?

-It's not my cup of tea.

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I didn't claim to be good at it, did I?

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Ben, it's such a shame. But I'm afraid that is an Epic Fail. So, I'm afraid the panel won't

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be valuing your skill and you won't be playing for the money.

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However, nobody leaves Epic Win empty-handed.

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You will, of course, be wearing this fantastic Epic Fail sticker.

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No expense spared. You can wear that proudly all the way home on the bus.

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But like all Epic Losers, there is only one way out of the studio,

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and that is through the Fail Door.

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Ladies and gentlemen, his answers didn't check out.

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-AUDIENCE GROANS

-Off you go, Ben Pridmore. Begone!

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Might want to duck down, Ben.

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It's a very low door.

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And stay out!

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Here at Epic Win, we search high and low to find the nation's most astonishing spectacles.

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Sometimes, our heroes in waiting bring us something which is simply too epic

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to fit into our stadium of senselessness.

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That's definitely the case for our next contender. Please welcome Mr Colin Furze!

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Welcome. Let's find out a little bit about you. Where are you from?

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-I'm from Stamford in Lincolnshire.

-What do you do there?

-I'm a plumber.

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-You're a plumber?

-Yes.

-A plumber who's here on time, phenomenal.

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-Who wants to see what our plumber Colin gets up to in his spare time?

-AUDIENCE CHEERS

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Let's take a look.

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MUSIC: "Ace Of Spades" by Motorhead

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# The ace of spades!

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# The ace of spades! #

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That's right, Colin Furze is a daredevil.

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But, more importantly, he's an inventor whose creations include a bouncy ball machine gun

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and the world's longest motorbike. On top of that, he can plumb! Fantastic.

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Is there anything you're scared of?

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Swans. I don't like swans.

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Every time I get in the water, they just go for me. They hate me.

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The Queen can have them all, as far as I'm concerned.

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What started you off? When did you first think, "I don't really want to, you know, be here for much longer?"

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I think it must be the plumbing.

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Any other risks you take? Ever give a quote without looking at the job?

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Kevin, are you an adrenalin junkie?

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I'm pretty much scared of everything except swans.

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-You fell off the Wall of Death and you survived.

-I did.

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They should rename the wall then - the Wall of Minor Injuries.

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I'm not much of a risk taker.

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The biggest risk I take is sometimes I put my hand

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in a box of Celebrations

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and pick out one I've not looked at.

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Tell us, Joe, what is Colin's challenge going to be tonight?

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Hoping to secure an Epic Win tonight,

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Colin Furze is going to be riding a mobility scooter.

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I'm still a bit underwhelmed, I have to say.

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-It has a secret.

-What's that?

-I'll show you.

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-Ah.

-ENGINE REVS

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Stop! That is horrible.

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-What have you done?

-It's got a motorbike engine in it.

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-How big's the engine?

-It's a 125cc motocross bike engine.

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Why the mobility scooter? Why not put that on a motocross bike?

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They're so pathetic, aren't they?

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If anything needs pimping up, it's old people and what they travel in.

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I can't wait to see this thing in action. Please tell us the exact details of Colin's challenge.

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On the super scooter, Colin has to hit 70 miles an hour or more,

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and get himself an Epic Win speeding ticket. Ooh!

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-AUDIENCE:

-Oooh!

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That's just totally irresponsible. Totally irresponsible.

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We sent Colin to a track to see if he could top 70 miles an hour as he passed our speed camera.

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It goes without saying, don't try this at home.

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Grandma, don't try this at THE home, either.

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Did Colin break 70 miles an hour and get himself flashed? Let's find out.

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DISTORTED GUITAR RIFF

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ENGINE REVS

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CAMERA FLASHES

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He's done it!

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Epic Win! Fantastic.

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I've never seen anything like that before. You're an Epic Winner. Congratulations.

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You definitely hit 70.

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Do you want to know how fast you were actually going?

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-Yeah, I'm interested.

-Let's see an action replay.

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That's brilliant. That's very good.

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-Here's a souvenir. There is your speeding ticket.

-Brilliant.

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Fantastic. So, Kevin, do you see this catching on?

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I thought it was pretty good.

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Only thing is, he done it on a race track. When do you see pensioners on a race track?

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Do that in Sainsbury's or something, even more impressive.

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It's like Formula One for over 80s.

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Formula 91.

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Alex, would you buy one of those?

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Yes! I LOVE a mobility scooter.

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I'd be interested to see if you could

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soup up a stairlift that shoots up the stairs. That would be good.

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Funny you should say that.

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Colin, what about one of those sit up beds that sends you into orbit?

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Colin, you are an Epic Winner and that means you're guaranteed

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to take home our Epic Win trophy.

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Very impressive. Can you also take some cash home with you as well?

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It's time for you to be valued by the panel in the Epic Centre.

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Let's find out what your win is worth.

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Each of you has up to £1,000 that you can award to Colin according to how well you thought he performed.

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Make up your minds and lock in the money. Lock it in. Lock.

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-AUDIENCE MEMBER:

-Give him the grand, Mickey!

-LAUGHTER

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What do you think I am, a High Court judge?

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-KLAXON

-There it is. It's all locked in. You've seen how this works.

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The panel's total could be anything from £3 to £3,000.

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To take some cash home, you have to hit the button

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before you go over the value the panel have put on your challenge.

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Stop it before it goes over the level the panel have set and it will be, Joe...

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Epic Win!

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If you hold on for too long, how much will he take home, Joe?

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Zero pounds.

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That's right. The total sum of the money the panel's awarded you could be any of the offers,

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including the first offer you see. Are you ready? Step up to the button.

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Joe, let's see if we can turn powers into pounds.

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£475.

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AUDIENCE SHOUTS

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They say more, Colin. They're right.

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£727.

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AUDIENCE SHOUTS

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-They're giving nothing away.

-No, I think I'm worth a little more.

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-£,1820!

-Oh, wow!

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APPLAUSE

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£1,820.

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-I'm not greedy.

-If you have won that money,

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you can just afford to fill it up.

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Have your valued yourself too highly?

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Or are you taking home that money? How do you want me to find out?

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DRUM ROLL

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Epic win!

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Epic win! Take it away, Colin.

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You stopped in time. Very, very well done to you.

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You didn't over value yourself and you are leaving here with £1,820.

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But did you stop at the perfect moment? Or was there more money?

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Let's see what the panel's total was.

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Oh, it goes up!

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-And up!

-DING

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Oh!

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You were £330 out. That's not bad at all, is it?

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-That's a good day, that is.

-That's really a very, very good day indeed.

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Well, let's see how the panel's amounts divided, shall we?

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-The moment of truth.

-Woah!

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LAUGHTER

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Micky, Micky, down again.

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BOOING

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I'm not here to make friends.

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I'm a human being, I'm an individual.

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-I'm not swayed by the masses, the poor, huddled masses.

-LAUGHTER

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-AUDIENCE MEMBER:

-Boo!

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Yeah, go on, Micky, explain yourself.

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Look, essentially it was ridiculous and a waste of time, right?

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But really, all you were doing was sitting down and going like that.

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LAUGHTER

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-He made the scooter...!

-I could have done it, really.

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-I think we should get Micky on it.

-CHEERING

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This brings me nicely to the second part -

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I've done it for your own good.

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This has to stop.

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With that £150, you could buy a chair...

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slippers...

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Computer, maybe.

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With £1,000, I could stick a motor under it.

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LAUGHTER

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Well, Colin, you are definitely an Epic Winner, no question.

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You are taking away £1,820, along with this Epic Win trophy.

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Look at that!

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-There you are, sir.

-Thank you very much.

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Ladies and gentlemen, taking his rightful place on the podium,

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your high street hero, Colin Furze!

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Let's see if our next hopeful hero has got what it takes

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to be an Epic Winner.

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It's the challenge of the century.

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He lives it, he breathes it,

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he goes home smelling of it.

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He's Dave Wilson and he's going to prove that he's the king of cod.

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But the training's been tough.

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-Right, what is it?

-Mackerel.

-Good.

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-What about this one?

-Trout.

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Not good enough. You're slacking! What kind of trout?

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-Rainbow trout.

-Yeah! Discipline, Dave!

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That's what you need, otherwise he'll wipe the floor with you.

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-What about this guy?

-Sardine.

0:22:170:22:19

Yes! You can do this, Dave.

0:22:190:22:22

-You know you can do it.

-Thanks, coach.

0:22:220:22:26

Dave "Sharkbait" Wilson,

0:22:270:22:29

a fishmonger from London.

0:22:290:22:31

It's going to be the ultimate battle.

0:22:450:22:48

Will he stand, or will he fall,

0:22:480:22:50

as Dave Sharkbait Wilson

0:22:500:22:52

risks it all with this Epic Challenge?

0:22:520:22:56

Is it sink or swim for Dave Wilson?

0:22:580:23:00

Welcome to Epic Win. So, Dave, obviously, you're a fishmonger.

0:23:140:23:18

But we know on Epic Win, it's not merely enough just to monger fish.

0:23:180:23:22

Over to you, Joe.

0:23:220:23:23

To Epic Win tonight, Dave has to correctly identify fish

0:23:230:23:27

just by being slapped in the face with them.

0:23:270:23:30

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:23:300:23:33

So, face versus fish is the one the fans will be waiting to see.

0:23:340:23:38

How would you identify a fish with your face? How do you do that?

0:23:380:23:42

It's all down to a bit of smell, bit of touch.

0:23:420:23:46

And hopefully, not too much taste.

0:23:460:23:48

Micky, can you identify things just by being slapped round the face with them?

0:23:490:23:55

I think if you sort of lined up all my ex-girlfriends and asked them

0:23:550:24:00

to slap me round the face, I'd know which ones were which.

0:24:000:24:02

I know the ones I REALLY upset.

0:24:020:24:06

What type of fish would be too big? What type of fish do you think would knock you over?

0:24:060:24:10

Probably a blue whale or something.

0:24:100:24:13

That a mammal, though, isn't it, a whale?

0:24:130:24:16

-That's a mammal!

-Thought this guy knew his fish.

-Sorry.

0:24:160:24:19

Over here, we've got a variety of fish.

0:24:190:24:22

The panel are going to select five of them for Dave to be slapped with

0:24:220:24:25

and he needs to name three of the five fish correctly -

0:24:250:24:28

with his face, obviously - to reel in an Epic Win.

0:24:280:24:32

Now to get things moving, obviously we're going to need a slapper. So please welcome back...Joe!

0:24:320:24:38

Brilliant. Could you give Dave his blindfold, please?

0:24:430:24:46

Do you want me to look after those?

0:24:460:24:48

All right, Dave.

0:24:480:24:51

-Make sure he can't see anything.

-How many fingers am I holding up?

0:24:510:24:56

-10.

-Wrong!

0:24:560:24:58

Dave, you have to get three of them right to win the money.

0:24:580:25:01

Any less than that and it's the Fail Door.

0:25:010:25:03

Yes.

0:25:030:25:05

-Are you ready?

-I'm ready.

0:25:050:25:06

And remember, don't try this at home, for goodness' sake.

0:25:060:25:10

Don't try it at Morrison's, either. They can be quite funny.

0:25:100:25:13

OK, let's reveal the fish and bring on the slaps.

0:25:130:25:17

There they are. There they are.

0:25:170:25:19

-Kevin, please pick a fish number.

-Number seven.

-Number seven.

0:25:190:25:22

-What does that say?

-Shh!

0:25:270:25:29

Oh-h-h!

0:25:300:25:34

-Are you regretting this yet?

-I'm beginning to.

0:25:340:25:36

-This is a haymaker.

-Ready?

0:25:360:25:38

Three, two, one.

0:25:380:25:42

I think I'm going to have to have that one more time.

0:25:460:25:49

That's not a slap - you're rubbing it against his face.

0:25:490:25:51

Oh, this is so weird!

0:25:530:25:55

Three, two, one.

0:25:560:25:59

-Happy?

-Yeah, happier with that.

0:26:010:26:04

-Are you prepared to hazard a guess?

-I'm going to go for an eel.

0:26:040:26:07

BUZZER

0:26:070:26:09

That was the wrong answer. OK, Alex, pick another fish number, please.

0:26:110:26:15

I don't want to. I've never seen anything this disgusting!

0:26:150:26:18

Have you got fish fingers?

0:26:200:26:22

-Is 12 quite...?

-12. You're saying 12.

0:26:230:26:26

-Good choice.

-OK, here it comes.

0:26:260:26:29

And give it a good whack this time. None of this...

0:26:290:26:33

Three, two, one!

0:26:340:26:36

There's nothing right about this.

0:26:400:26:43

Is that a squid?

0:26:430:26:46

BUZZER

0:26:460:26:48

Get it together, Dave, come on!

0:26:480:26:51

Now, listen, you have to get three right.

0:26:510:26:53

-All of these have to be right, Dave.

-Yeah. I'm ready.

0:26:530:26:57

-OK, Micky, a number.

-Can I have a quick look, cos I used to be in the fish business.

0:26:570:27:01

-Did you?

-Yeah, I was the Billingsgate fish porter. I could carry that lot.

0:27:010:27:06

Let's go for this, number 11.

0:27:110:27:13

Subtle.

0:27:130:27:14

OK, here it comes.

0:27:190:27:20

Oh!

0:27:210:27:23

Three, two, one.

0:27:240:27:27

LAUGHTER

0:27:270:27:30

Now, everything is riding on this one, Dave.

0:27:300:27:35

Feel the force, Dave, feel the force.

0:27:440:27:46

You have to get this one right or else it is a fail.

0:27:460:27:50

Was it a whiting?

0:27:510:27:54

AUDIENCE GROANS

0:27:540:27:56

-Epic fail!

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

0:27:560:27:59

Micky, he took it on the chin. And on the cheek, and on the forehead.

0:28:020:28:07

Well, I don't want you going out with a chip on your shoulder.

0:28:070:28:10

I only came here for the halibut.

0:28:120:28:14

-Alex, you looked a bit queasy there.

-Yeah.

0:28:160:28:20

Well, I mean, it was a good effort, but I'm sort of glad it's over.

0:28:200:28:25

You've got a lot of fish juice there, haven't you?

0:28:250:28:28

-Oh!

-Actually, you have got scales on your cheeks there. Maybe they've just fallen from your eyes.

-Yeah.

0:28:280:28:35

Well, Dave, it has been a genuine treat

0:28:350:28:38

but I'm afraid that was an Epic Fail, whichever way you look at it.

0:28:380:28:41

Here it comes, gloat with embarrassment because you can show off your Epic Fail sticker.

0:28:410:28:47

Pop that on you there. Epic Fail. Wear that proudly. There we are.

0:28:470:28:51

There was no avoiding it, there is a door over there with your name on it. I'm afraid...

0:28:510:28:55

CREAKING

0:28:550:28:57

You'll need a very hot shower when he gets home. Dave Wilson, sling your hook!

0:28:570:29:02

# When you walk through a storm

0:29:020:29:09

# Hold your head up high

0:29:090:29:14

# And don't... #

0:29:140:29:20

'And don't come back!'

0:29:200:29:21

We've seen some astonishing skills on the show tonight

0:29:240:29:26

but we've still got one more epic hopeful up our sleeves. Let's find out who it is.

0:29:260:29:30

I'm Amber Greening, I'm 19 years old and I'm from Feltham and I'm a dancer.

0:29:320:29:37

I've been dancing since I was three because my mum is a dance teacher

0:29:370:29:43

so it just came in the family so I've been dancing for 16 years.

0:29:430:29:47

Because I've been dancing so long, I've got so much memorabilia of all the things I've done.

0:29:510:29:57

I've got photos, videos, trophies, medals. Dancing just makes me happy all the time.

0:29:570:30:04

If I'm in a bad mood, I'll go to dance and come back and I'm 100 times better.

0:30:040:30:09

Dancing is my life. I push my body to the limits every single day

0:30:090:30:12

and I've discovered I can do something that I would never have been able to do without dance.

0:30:120:30:17

APPLAUSE

0:30:170:30:19

She's clearly got the moves, but will she Epic Win? Please welcome Amber Greening!

0:30:230:30:28

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:30:280:30:32

So, Amber, welcome to the show. So, you're a dancer, you've been dancing pretty much all your life.

0:30:400:30:47

-Yeah.

-When did you start?

-When I was three.

0:30:470:30:49

Are you doing a dancing challenge, is that what it is?

0:30:490:30:52

No, this is nothing to do with dancing, much sillier than dancing.

0:30:520:30:55

Sillier. OK, well, let's find out how Amber will be using her incredible skills this evening. Joe?

0:30:550:31:01

Ladies and gentlemen, Amber Greening's challenge is to kick herself in the head repeatedly.

0:31:010:31:09

-That sounds completely normal(!) You're going to do what?

-Kick myself in the head.

0:31:110:31:15

Alex, could you do this, do you think?

0:31:150:31:17

-Hello, Amber.

-Hello.

0:31:170:31:20

Well, I found out I could do the splits because I slipped on some egg. It was like...

0:31:200:31:25

You could probably do it, if you can do the splits.

0:31:250:31:29

I don't know if I'd want to hurt myself.

0:31:290:31:31

Kevin, you're from Glasgow, you must have seen plenty of people having their heads kicked in?

0:31:310:31:36

I've seen people who can headbutt their own feet.

0:31:360:31:39

Can you do that, Amber?

0:31:390:31:42

-Yes.

-A lot of men are thinking, I hope she kicks me in the head!

0:31:420:31:45

Let's explain to everyone exactly how this is going to work.

0:31:460:31:50

Amber is going to put on the special helmet and all she has to do is make contact 60 times in 60 seconds.

0:31:500:31:55

-Amber, take the helmet.

-Thank you.

-If you succeed,

0:31:550:31:58

you will be valued by the panel and you will play for cold, hard cash.

0:31:580:32:02

If not, then I'm afraid, it is the Fail Door.

0:32:020:32:04

AUDIENCE GROANS

0:32:040:32:07

-Are you ready to take on your epic challenge?

-Yes, I am.

-Let's pop the helmet on.

0:32:070:32:13

-Can I take my shoes off?

-Let me take your shoes for you.

0:32:130:32:17

I can't believe I have to tell you this, but don't try this at home!

0:32:170:32:21

-I'm going to get to safety.

-Out of the way.

0:32:210:32:23

Five, four, three, two, one, go!

0:32:230:32:28

CHEERING

0:32:300:32:33

60.

0:33:160:33:17

Epic Win!

0:33:190:33:21

CHEERING

0:33:210:33:23

That was fantastic, you did 60 in 52 seconds.

0:33:240:33:28

Good.

0:33:280:33:30

I wouldn't have thought that was possible, but you are an Epic Winner.

0:33:340:33:38

-Congratulations, are you all right?

-Thank you. Yes.

0:33:380:33:41

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:33:410:33:43

Very good. There are your shoes, get your breath back.

0:33:450:33:48

-60 in 52 seconds! That was amazing.

-I'm pleased with that.

-What a rate of kicking.

0:33:480:33:53

Let's just see if the panel were as impressed with you as I was.

0:33:560:33:59

-Alex, what about that?

-I felt quite tired just watching you.

0:33:590:34:03

I'm sure Micky and Kevin agree. You were getting a little bit tired, but you kept going.

0:34:030:34:07

-Very well done, great.

-Thank you.

0:34:070:34:11

-Kevin?

-I thought it was mindless violence.

0:34:120:34:16

I just hate seeing a beautiful girl self-harm like that. Tough to watch.

0:34:180:34:22

Nothing makes sense any more.

0:34:220:34:25

It was just phenomenal because I could see you getting tired, but then you thought,

0:34:250:34:31

"I hate myself, I'm going to keep going". And you dug deep - good work.

0:34:310:34:35

Thanks.

0:34:350:34:37

Amber, you are an Epic Winner and that means you've already won yourself

0:34:400:34:45

-a spectacular Epic Win trophy.

-AUDIENCE WHOOPS

0:34:450:34:48

Quite right. But as an Epic Winner you also get the chance to be valued

0:34:480:34:52

by our panel and hopefully win yourself some cold, hard cash.

0:34:520:34:55

First up, the panel are going to put a cash value on your skill.

0:34:550:34:59

Panel, each of you has up to £1,000 that you can put into Amber's prize fund.

0:34:590:35:05

The question is, what would you give to a woman who can kick herself repeatedly in the head?

0:35:050:35:09

Decide now and key it into your pads.

0:35:090:35:12

It's very exciting, they're putting a value on you right now.

0:35:130:35:17

WHOOSH

0:35:170:35:19

That means the money is locked in. Amber, we've added together the amounts

0:35:190:35:23

the three panellists think that your power deserves and the

0:35:230:35:26

grand total could be anything from £3 if they're being particularly stingy, to £3000.

0:35:260:35:32

Here's how you will win the cash. Joe is going to offer you increasing sums of money.

0:35:320:35:36

You can stop that cash whenever you like with the red button.

0:35:360:35:39

If you stop that money before it goes over the total, it will be, Joe?

0:35:390:35:44

-An Epic Win!

-You'll go home with whatever money you stopped it on. But if you hold back for too long

0:35:440:35:50

and go even £1 over what the panel has awarded you, Joe, how much will Amber go home with?

0:35:500:35:54

Zero pounds.

0:35:540:35:57

That's right. Zero pounds. The total sum of money that the panel has awarded you

0:35:570:36:02

could be any one of the sums of money, it might even be the first number that Joe mentions.

0:36:020:36:07

-Are you ready to play?

-Yes.

0:36:070:36:09

Hands on the big red button and Joe, let's turn powers into pounds.

0:36:090:36:14

Here we go.

0:36:140:36:16

£542.

0:36:230:36:25

AUDIENCE SHOUTS

0:36:250:36:28

No, she's not going to press it. She's holding out.

0:36:280:36:32

£1,335.

0:36:380:36:42

AUDIENCE SHOUTS

0:36:420:36:45

No, she's not going to go for it, that bruise is worth more than that.

0:36:480:36:52

£1,674.

0:36:550:37:00

Amber, you've decided to go for £1,674,

0:37:000:37:04

-but is that what you've won?

-I hope so.

-Have you actually won that

0:37:040:37:08

or have you actually won nothing? Let's find out. Joe?

0:37:080:37:11

LAUGHTER

0:37:150:37:16

It's an Epic Win!

0:37:200:37:22

Very well done. You stopped the money before you went bust

0:37:260:37:29

and that means you will be taking home £1,674.

0:37:290:37:32

-Many congratulations.

-Thank you.

0:37:320:37:34

What we want to know is, could you have held out for more

0:37:340:37:36

or were you right to stop the money when you did?

0:37:360:37:39

Let's just see what the panel thought your win was worth.

0:37:390:37:42

AUDIENCE WHOOPS

0:37:420:37:45

-Oh.

-That's good, I'm happy.

-Let's just see how the panel's money breaks down.

0:37:450:37:52

Here's the moment of truth.

0:37:520:37:53

Look at that, Micky, way out ahead.

0:37:550:37:57

900 -

0:37:570:37:58

only £50 shy.

0:37:580:38:00

Micky Flanagan!

0:38:000:38:02

Only £50 shy of the maximum there.

0:38:060:38:08

I'm not a pushover. It's all immaterial.

0:38:080:38:10

I was going to give her the money the minute she walked down the stairs.

0:38:100:38:15

You are what the show is about, it's utterly pointless.

0:38:170:38:21

You have a brilliant aim and you'll be known as the girl who can kick herself in the head.

0:38:210:38:26

-Yes.

-That's worth money.

0:38:260:38:30

Kevin?

0:38:300:38:32

I know Micky is coming across as the sugar daddy here,

0:38:320:38:35

but I thought it was a unique talent. You're going to inspire

0:38:350:38:38

loads of young people to kick themselves in the head - people who deserve to be kicked in the head.

0:38:380:38:44

Amber, you scored yourself an Epic Win and you are stepping out of here with £1,674

0:38:440:38:50

and the Epic Win trophy. What about that?

0:38:500:38:53

-Thank you.

-You can hold your slightly bruised head up high.

0:38:530:38:56

A big hand for our hero, folks, it's Amber Greening! Very well done.

0:38:560:39:01

There we have it, that's all we have time for this evening.

0:39:120:39:15

Thanks to our panel, Kevin Bridges, Alex Jones and Micky Flanagan.

0:39:150:39:18

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:39:180:39:21

Thanks to the excellent Joe Lycett and thank you for watching.

0:39:210:39:25

Join us next time for more brilliant but senseless exploits on...

0:39:250:39:29

Epic Win!

0:39:290:39:31

Thank you and goodnight!

0:39:330:39:34

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:39:470:39:49

E-mail [email protected]

0:39:490:39:52

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