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Monday, eight o'clock. | 0:00:03 | 0:00:05 | |
Pucks. Bye-bye. | 0:00:05 | 0:00:07 | |
I like Pucks. | 0:00:07 | 0:00:08 | |
-No... -I'm sorry. I say we give it one more chance. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:12 | |
I got to get off the show. I'm sorry. | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
I can't quit, but if you kill me... | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
-We can't kill you. -Sure, you can. You created me. | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
Don't you think if we could kill you, we'd have done it by now? | 0:00:20 | 0:00:22 | |
What did you say? | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
What did you say? | 0:00:28 | 0:00:31 | |
Maybe we should try...adjusting your medication again. | 0:00:31 | 0:00:34 | |
Maybe. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:37 | |
This programme contains very strong language and adult humour. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
What's going on? | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
More news from Peru. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
Oh, God. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
-So awful. -I know. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
Unbelievable. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
You keep thinking... there's people under there. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:49 | |
Makes me want to cry. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:50 | |
-Is that the new iPad? -Yeah. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
-Like it? -Well... -It's not that different. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:02 | |
I hate my phone. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
You ready? > | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
Mm. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
Er, may we, er, have everyone's attention, please? | 0:02:08 | 0:02:12 | |
Hello! If, er, everyone could, um, gather round. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
We actually have a piece of good news. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:19 | |
The network has decided, in its infinite wisdom, | 0:02:19 | 0:02:23 | |
to move our little show to a different night | 0:02:23 | 0:02:26 | |
so we will no longer be opposite the much-reviled talking dog! | 0:02:26 | 0:02:30 | |
THEY ALL CHEER | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
-Do we know what night yet? -Saturdays at eight. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:35 | |
THEY ALL GROAN | 0:02:35 | 0:02:36 | |
Hey, this is still good. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
OK, fine, Saturday is shitty. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
But at least they're giving us a chance. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:43 | |
Don't be dicks. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
Well, thank you, Morning. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:49 | |
Words to live by. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
Don't be...dicks. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
So...that's our good news. | 0:02:55 | 0:02:59 | |
Yay. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:03 | |
That'll totally work. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:09 | |
-May we see you for a moment? -Yeah. Sure. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:12 | |
What's up? | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
Er, apparently, the network booked you on Jay Leno to promote the new night. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:18 | |
-Yeah. -And they're saying you're refusing. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
Right. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:21 | |
Um...why? | 0:03:22 | 0:03:25 | |
Seriously? | 0:03:25 | 0:03:26 | |
Last week I asked you to kill me off the show. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
-What did you say? -No. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
And now you're asking me to promote the show. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
-Yes. -Uh, no. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:34 | |
Look, I don't know if I mentioned it, but I just want this thing to fucking die. | 0:03:34 | 0:03:38 | |
Perhaps you can tell Jay you want it to die Saturday nights at eight. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:42 | |
Cute. Listen, I'm hardly in it. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
Now they're moving us to the worst night of the week? | 0:03:44 | 0:03:47 | |
Why should I do anything to make this shit last longer? | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
Why do you have to be such a selfish prick? | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
Look around. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:53 | |
There are 150 people here whose jobs hang in the balance. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:57 | |
For once in your life, it's not just about you. | 0:03:57 | 0:04:01 | |
Think about the other people. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
That seems unfair, but all right. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
I can't stop thinking about that whole Peru thing. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:21 | |
All those people. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
Horrible. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:24 | |
I don't know if I could survive something like that, I really don't. It's my worst nightmare. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:28 | |
You want to talk worst nightmares? | 0:04:28 | 0:04:30 | |
-Guess who's coming in to pitch tomorrow. -Who? | 0:04:30 | 0:04:34 | |
Merc La-pi-dus. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
No. Pitch what? | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
-Shows. -Merc Lapidus is pitching shows to you?! That's insane. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:43 | |
That's like Henry VIII pitching to Anne Boleyn's head. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:47 | |
See, stuff like that is probably why you don't have a lot of friends. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:52 | |
And why do you have to do this? | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
We've got a first-look deal with him. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
It was part of his exit package. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
Sounds awful. Just the two of you in a room. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:03 | |
Oh, God, no. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:04 | |
Andy and Myra will be there, plus Castor. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:08 | |
Even so, I am dreading it, just seeing Merc again. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:14 | |
It's like the thing that wouldn't die. SHE SHUDDERS | 0:05:14 | 0:05:18 | |
You know the scariest part? | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
What if I see him and all these feelings come rushing back? | 0:05:20 | 0:05:25 | |
Let me just say this. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
If you get back together with Merc Lapidus, | 0:05:28 | 0:05:31 | |
I will lose every shred of respect I have for you. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:34 | |
-You have respect for me? -Eee! | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
Hey. You know this thing tomorrow night? | 0:05:45 | 0:05:48 | |
You guys want to go together? | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
Uh, first of all, no. And what thing? | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
The telethon for the Peru thing. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:54 | |
-There's a telethon? -Yeah. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
George Clooney's doing it, Matt Damon, Taylor Swift, Jay-Z. | 0:05:56 | 0:06:00 | |
-And you? -Uh-huh. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
Fuck me. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
My publicist is trying to get me next to Jennifer Garner. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:07 | |
Got to get me some camera time, right? | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
Figure Ben Affleck comes over, I'm in the shot. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:12 | |
Whole thing's pretty cool. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
Not for the 20,000 people that were killed. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:17 | |
Where? | 0:06:17 | 0:06:18 | |
Peru? | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
Oh. Yeah. Right. Totally. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:23 | |
So, you guys, uh, done one of these before? | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
Uh, yeah. I did 9/11. AND Katrina. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:29 | |
-Nice. -I did the Exxon Valdez and Three Mile Island. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:32 | |
Huh. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
Anyway, so this is my first one, it's kind of a big deal. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
So here's my question... | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
Sport jacket or no sport jacket? | 0:06:42 | 0:06:44 | |
Just like an open shirt? What do you think? Like, tie? No tie? | 0:06:45 | 0:06:49 | |
Uh...I don't fucking care. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:52 | |
OK, so, no jacket. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:53 | |
And I figure they can't see my pants, so that doesn't matter, right? | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
I'd still wear them. | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
Exactly. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
-Also, -I -don't have to give money, do I? | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
What? | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
Did you do the one for the Hindenburg, too? | 0:07:14 | 0:07:16 | |
Dick. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:17 | |
So, how are the new meds working out? | 0:07:21 | 0:07:24 | |
Better, I think. Yeah. I'm not hearing so many... | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
-Voices? -Yeah. Not as much. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
And the rage? | 0:07:31 | 0:07:32 | |
Pretty good. Pretty good. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
Well, that's encouraging. Side effects? | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
Dry mouth, constipation, discoloured urine? | 0:07:36 | 0:07:40 | |
Everything makes me hard. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
-Talk about that. -Everything. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
This morning, when I was getting gas, | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
I got a boner putting the nozzle into the tank. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
Huh. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:49 | |
-Does masturbating help? -Eventually. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
But it takes fucking for ever. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
I'm getting calluses on my fingers. I might as well take up the guitar. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:57 | |
Huh. | 0:07:57 | 0:07:58 | |
Look, I understand this is difficult, | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
but I would like to ask you to hang in there just a little bit longer. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:05 | |
You're kidding, right? I can't roll over at night! | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
I hear you, but other than that, the meds seem to be working. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
Hopefully, with time, this particular side effect will, uh... | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
..abate. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
Cut. That's a wrap. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:21 | |
-Well, good luck tonight on Leno. -Oh, thanks. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:24 | |
Thanks. Hey, you guys want to come? Jamie's going to be there. We could all go out after. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:28 | |
-Sorry. We have to work. -What work? We're wrapped. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:31 | |
Maybe you're wrapped. We've still got hours yet. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:34 | |
Doing what? | 0:08:34 | 0:08:35 | |
-The writing. -Is it stuff for me? | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
No, but other people have to say words. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:42 | |
-Are the words ABOUT me? -No. -Then fuck it. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:44 | |
Let the other writers cover for once. Come on. They can do it. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:48 | |
Do you even KNOW the other writers? | 0:08:48 | 0:08:49 | |
Yeah, I know the other writers. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
-I ran into one at a club this weekend. -Who? | 0:08:51 | 0:08:54 | |
I want to say...Alex? | 0:08:55 | 0:08:58 | |
We don't have an Alex. | 0:08:58 | 0:08:59 | |
The kind of twitchy Jewish one. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:01 | |
-That's all of them. -Whatever. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:03 | |
Come with me. You want to meet Jay? | 0:09:03 | 0:09:04 | |
Not especially. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:06 | |
Might be fun. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:07 | |
We have so much to do. | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
-You can have my gift bag. -Do I have time to change? -There you go. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
I just want to get this over with. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
I know. It's like waiting for Santa... | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
if Santa was a bullshitting, two-faced asshole who fired me once. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
Merc Lapidus is here. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
Ho, ho, ho. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:33 | |
OK. Bring him in. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
And please tell Castor so he can join us. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:38 | |
Got it. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
You OK? | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
Absolutely. I'm fine. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
TV: 'Rescuers worked feverishly through the night, | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
'searching for any signs from inside the tunnel, | 0:09:48 | 0:09:52 | |
'and then suddenly, About 45 minutes ago, a miracle. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:57 | |
'A faint tapping sound from deep under the rubble. | 0:09:57 | 0:10:01 | |
'Using the latest audio equipment, | 0:10:01 | 0:10:03 | |
'rescuers established contact with a woman. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:06 | |
'According to sources, she is trapped in a space | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
'not much bigger than a coffin. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:15 | |
'One can't help but imagine what it must be like for her, | 0:10:15 | 0:10:19 | |
'buried in this dark, dank hole | 0:10:19 | 0:10:23 | |
'deep in the ground | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
'not knowing if she will ever see daylight again. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:30 | |
'We're told she's barely able to move, | 0:10:30 | 0:10:34 | |
'her body pinned beneath the debris. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
'A prisoner encased in stone and twisted steel. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:42 | |
'Rescuers are hoping to snake a tube through the wreckage | 0:10:42 | 0:10:48 | |
'to bring this woman much-needed hydration. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:51 | |
'Presumably, she's gone over 36 hours without water.' | 0:10:52 | 0:10:56 | |
-INTERCOM: -'They're ready for you for the Merc Lapidus meeting.' | 0:10:56 | 0:10:59 | |
I'll come as soon as I can. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
TV: 'And, of course, very...' | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
There they are. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:05 | |
Ha-ha-ha! You see? | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
You don't get rid of me that easy. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:09 | |
Come here! | 0:11:09 | 0:11:11 | |
That's O... OK. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
There's my queen of comedy! | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
Mr Button! Come here. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
Why don't we all sit down? | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
-No. That's me. -Whoops! | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
So, how is everybody? | 0:11:26 | 0:11:29 | |
-Miss me yet? -We might if you didn't come back. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:32 | |
Castor is stuck on a call. He'll join as soon as he can. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:37 | |
Oh, that's fine. It'll give us all a chance to catch up. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:40 | |
Great(!) Hmm... | 0:11:41 | 0:11:44 | |
Look at this. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
Other than a Tonight Show mug, which I'll never use... | 0:11:51 | 0:11:54 | |
men's cologne... | 0:11:54 | 0:11:55 | |
..a tie... | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
Tonight Show cuff links. This is all crap for men. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:06 | |
It was meant for me. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:08 | |
Tell them you want a girl's bag. | 0:12:08 | 0:12:10 | |
Yeah. I'm not doing that. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:11 | |
-If you don't want it, I'll take it. -I didn't say I didn't want it. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:14 | |
Hey, you made it. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
Thank you. Sorry I'm late. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:18 | |
I was working the phones, raising money for Peru. | 0:12:18 | 0:12:21 | |
Now they're saying it's the third-worst natural disaster | 0:12:21 | 0:12:24 | |
in the history of Latin America. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:26 | |
A comb! | 0:12:26 | 0:12:27 | |
Who still uses a comb? This is bullshit! | 0:12:27 | 0:12:31 | |
-Hey, Matt. -Hey. | 0:12:32 | 0:12:33 | |
-So, Jay is fine with the mosquito story. -Great. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
There may not be time for the thing about your kids. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
Ah. What if I don't talk about Pucks? | 0:12:38 | 0:12:41 | |
Hopefully we'll have time for all of it. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
OK. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:44 | |
Oh, uh, by the way, um, I'm fine staying on the couch for Zac Efron's segment. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:48 | |
Um, actually, Zac's up first, and then he has to take off, | 0:12:48 | 0:12:53 | |
so we're good. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:55 | |
Uh, wait a minute. I'm second? | 0:12:55 | 0:12:57 | |
Uh, yeah. | 0:12:57 | 0:12:58 | |
Uh, no. | 0:12:58 | 0:13:00 | |
-Yeah. -No. That's wrong. I'm always first, | 0:13:00 | 0:13:03 | |
I'm...I'm never second. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
Uh...not sure what to tell you. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:07 | |
Well, there's got to be a mistake. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
It's not. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:11 | |
Does Jay know about this? | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
And did you see the pictures of that church? Oh! | 0:13:20 | 0:13:23 | |
I'm telling you, my heart breaks for those people. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:26 | |
Those poor, poor people. | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
Peru. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:31 | |
Never been there. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:33 | |
Not going now. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:35 | |
Mm... | 0:13:35 | 0:13:36 | |
I don't know what's keeping Castor. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
-Why don't we start without him? -No! It's OK! | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
I can wait for the big guy. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:44 | |
O-K! | 0:13:44 | 0:13:46 | |
Peter, please find out how much longer Castor's going to be. | 0:13:48 | 0:13:52 | |
TV: 'Although rescuers can still hear her moans, | 0:13:54 | 0:13:57 | |
'they are definitely getting weaker. | 0:13:57 | 0:13:59 | |
'For now, all that any of us can do is pray...' | 0:13:59 | 0:14:03 | |
-Oh, please, God... -'..that these rescuers...' | 0:14:03 | 0:14:05 | |
-INTERCOM: -'They're asking again about the Merc Lapidus meeting.' | 0:14:05 | 0:14:08 | |
I'm not coming! | 0:14:08 | 0:14:10 | |
TV: '..And dig this former...' | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
Ah. Thanks. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:15 | |
Ah. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:18 | |
Apparently, Castor just got called away to an emergency meeting out of the office, | 0:14:18 | 0:14:24 | |
so it looks like he's not going to be joining us after all. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:28 | |
Yeah. Screw him. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:30 | |
Everyone knows you've always run this place anyway. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
SHE SIGHS | 0:14:34 | 0:14:35 | |
So, what have you got? | 0:14:35 | 0:14:37 | |
All right. | 0:14:37 | 0:14:38 | |
The first one is a one-hour | 0:14:38 | 0:14:40 | |
with a bit of a fantasy/horror slant. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
Ooh! OK. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
In a word... | 0:14:45 | 0:14:46 | |
gargoyles! | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY | 0:14:51 | 0:14:52 | |
Um, I don't know if you remember, | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
but right before you left, we actually explored this arena. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:59 | |
-We did? -But I'm eager to hear your take on it. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:04 | |
Well, it's... That's pretty much it so far. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:08 | |
I mean, come on - gargoyles! | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
Right. Um, I think it needs a little more development. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:15 | |
Character, story, themes, a premise. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:19 | |
Fair enough. I-I hear you. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
Also, you should just know... | 0:15:21 | 0:15:23 | |
A concern that I always had with... gargoyles as a concept, | 0:15:23 | 0:15:28 | |
in terms of the jeopardy, | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
it seems like if you just avoid gothic buildings. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:34 | |
Huh. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:37 | |
But maybe there's a reason why the characters have to be | 0:15:37 | 0:15:43 | |
near gothic buildings, | 0:15:43 | 0:15:44 | |
like, um, it's set at a university or something. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:48 | |
Well, there you go! Bing! We solved it. | 0:15:48 | 0:15:51 | |
OK. Well, let's stick a pin in that. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
What else have you got? | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
All right. This one's a comedy. | 0:15:57 | 0:15:59 | |
Up your alley. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:01 | |
Mm... | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
Second? I'm on second?! | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
Why would they do that to you? | 0:16:05 | 0:16:07 | |
It's got to be Jay. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
It's cos I took that fucking Lamborghini. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
It's a limited edition. There was only one left in the country. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
My car guy told me Jay really wanted it but I took it anyway. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:19 | |
This is him getting back at me. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:21 | |
-Would he really do that? -Over a car? Uh, yeah. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
Fucking Leno can be a total... | 0:16:24 | 0:16:25 | |
Total what? | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
Uh, mensch. A total mensch. | 0:16:27 | 0:16:29 | |
Mensch? So "mensch" means "prick" now? I never knew that. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
Hey, uh, this is Sean and Beverly Lincoln. They created my show. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:37 | |
-Hello. -Nice to meet you. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:38 | |
British or just really pretentious? | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
British. | 0:16:40 | 0:16:41 | |
And a little pretentious. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
I don't know why I said that. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:46 | |
-And you know Jamie Lapidus. -Do I know Jamie Lapidus? | 0:16:46 | 0:16:49 | |
-Hello, beautiful. -Hi, Jay. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:51 | |
I am so sorry to hear about you and Merc. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:53 | |
Oh, don't be. I'm not. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:55 | |
-And now you're with this guy, huh? -Yeah. | 0:16:55 | 0:16:57 | |
It's a good thing you can't see, cos he got really old. | 0:16:57 | 0:17:00 | |
-Hey, Jay, um, here's the thing. -Yeah. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:02 | |
I just found out I'm on second? | 0:17:02 | 0:17:05 | |
-Really? -Really. | 0:17:05 | 0:17:06 | |
-Yeah. Look, I'm not in charge of that. I don't know how that... -Bullshit. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:10 | |
It's cos I took that fucking Lamborghini. | 0:17:10 | 0:17:12 | |
That was you? You fucking jizz bag. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:14 | |
-What, like you didn't know? -Hey, if I knew, you wouldn't be on at all. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:17 | |
So why am I on second? | 0:17:17 | 0:17:18 | |
Look, it's not Friends anymore. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:22 | |
It's Pucks. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:24 | |
-Still. -"Still". | 0:17:24 | 0:17:26 | |
There's no "still." | 0:17:26 | 0:17:28 | |
Shit...changes. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
Believe me. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:33 | |
Enjoy the show, folks. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
So, how do you know Jay? | 0:17:44 | 0:17:46 | |
Every year he hosts my Easter egg hunt for children's cancer. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:49 | |
Asshole. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:50 | |
Wow. I'm batting 0 for 5 here. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:55 | |
But that's cool. I got another one. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
OK. Now, I haven't given this one as much thought. | 0:17:57 | 0:18:01 | |
Is that scientifically possible? | 0:18:01 | 0:18:03 | |
It's about this guy who loses his job and has to move home with his parents. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:07 | |
Um, can I stop you right there? | 0:18:07 | 0:18:10 | |
Again, it's an area we explored when you were here. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
Uh, did we like it? | 0:18:14 | 0:18:15 | |
No. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:17 | |
-Ah. -In fact, you were the one who said, "it's been done to death." | 0:18:18 | 0:18:23 | |
Well, you know me. I never remember what I say. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:26 | |
We do. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:28 | |
All righty. | 0:18:32 | 0:18:33 | |
This was so great. You've given us a lot to think about. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:37 | |
Let us talk. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:38 | |
Uh-oh! I know what that means. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:41 | |
Okey-dokey. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:42 | |
Hey, kids, could I have a moment with Mom here? | 0:18:44 | 0:18:47 | |
Mm. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:51 | |
Bye-bye. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
Hate him. Hate him like Hitler. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:58 | |
-So, this was different. -I'll bet. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:03 | |
Myra's still a hoot, I'll tell you. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
It's no picnic being on the other end of that squirrel face. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:08 | |
I'm sure none of this is easy. | 0:19:10 | 0:19:12 | |
What, are you... Are you kidding me? | 0:19:12 | 0:19:14 | |
This is the part I love. The pitching and the schmoozing. | 0:19:14 | 0:19:16 | |
I tell you, this is the best thing that could've happened to me. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:19 | |
It's like a wake-up call. You know, just to recharge my batteries. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:23 | |
Seriously, you've got to buy fucking SOMETHING! | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
-I... -Now, come on. I need this! | 0:19:25 | 0:19:28 | |
If I can't sell something here, no-one in this town is even going to talk to me. | 0:19:28 | 0:19:32 | |
Look, there's nothing here I can even bring to Castor. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:36 | |
Buy something? What am I buying? | 0:19:36 | 0:19:39 | |
You're buying five years of us! Of love. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
OK. I-I can't do this. You've got to go. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:47 | |
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:49 | |
That was shitty. I'm sorry. Please. Please wait. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:52 | |
I'm not...not in a very good place right now, | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
I'm not...doing a very good job handling it. | 0:19:56 | 0:19:59 | |
You know how hard it is to be 52 and... | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
realise you fucked yourself out of everything you ever...ever wanted? | 0:20:06 | 0:20:10 | |
I'll bet it's even harder at 58. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:13 | |
How are you? | 0:20:23 | 0:20:24 | |
Are you OK? | 0:20:25 | 0:20:27 | |
I'm OK. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:28 | |
How is it, uh, here with the new guy? | 0:20:28 | 0:20:31 | |
W...we're still feeling our way, but... | 0:20:31 | 0:20:35 | |
I think it's going to work out. | 0:20:35 | 0:20:37 | |
I'm glad. | 0:20:37 | 0:20:39 | |
You deserve good things. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
Well... | 0:20:42 | 0:20:43 | |
How's the divorce going? | 0:20:45 | 0:20:46 | |
Oh, great. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:48 | |
By the time her lawyer's done with me, I might not even have the one ball left. | 0:20:48 | 0:20:51 | |
Ooh! That's not what you want. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:20:54 | 0:20:55 | |
And she's still with that asshole LeBlanc. | 0:20:57 | 0:21:00 | |
He's probably hanging in there just to piss me off. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:03 | |
Or it's not about you. | 0:21:03 | 0:21:06 | |
Euh. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:07 | |
Hey, I started taking pilates. | 0:21:07 | 0:21:10 | |
-No! -Yeah, yeah. I fucking hate it. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:13 | |
Don't fold me! | 0:21:13 | 0:21:14 | |
We should get a drink sometime. Dinner... Something. | 0:21:19 | 0:21:22 | |
No. | 0:21:24 | 0:21:25 | |
I'm just talking dinner. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:27 | |
And I'm just saying no. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:29 | |
OK. That's fair. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:33 | |
I get it. | 0:21:34 | 0:21:36 | |
All right. So, this was...great. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
Thanks again for coming in. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
My pleasure. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
Maybe next time, the big kahuna will grace me with his presence. | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
I know he wanted to be here. I'm sorry he got called away. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:50 | |
-Next time. -We don't need to do the goodbye hug. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
Whatever you want. | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
-It's going to be OK. -How is it going to be OK? | 0:22:08 | 0:22:10 | |
I-I can't even back out now. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:12 | |
I'm sorry, but so you're on second. I don't get what the big deal is. | 0:22:12 | 0:22:16 | |
I don't know how it works on the little island where you come from, | 0:22:16 | 0:22:19 | |
but here it sends a message! | 0:22:19 | 0:22:21 | |
Something as stupid as coming out second says everything. | 0:22:21 | 0:22:24 | |
You're over. You're on your way out. | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
-Viewers aren't stupid. -Some of them are stupid. | 0:22:26 | 0:22:28 | |
Some of them are stupid but most of them get it. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:30 | |
I didn't even want to do this fucking thing in the first place. | 0:22:30 | 0:22:33 | |
Thanks(!) | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
What the... | 0:22:48 | 0:22:50 | |
Motherfucker! | 0:22:51 | 0:22:53 | |
-He's here! -What? | 0:23:00 | 0:23:02 | |
-That bastard's here, isn't he? -Who? Oh, no... | 0:23:02 | 0:23:04 | |
Now, don't bullshit me! Meeting out of the office?! I saw his goddamn car! | 0:23:04 | 0:23:08 | |
-Hang on. You don't want to... -Is he in there? -I'm sorry, who are you? | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
Hey! Asshole! | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
If you're going to piss on me, at least do it to my face! | 0:23:12 | 0:23:15 | |
-Please don't do this. -Yeah, I need security. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:17 | |
You don't even have the common courtesy to open a door?! | 0:23:17 | 0:23:20 | |
You listen. You listen to me, you prick! | 0:23:23 | 0:23:25 | |
Someday you're going to be the one standing out here, | 0:23:25 | 0:23:28 | |
and I hope whoever is in there treats you with a little more respect than you are treating me! | 0:23:28 | 0:23:33 | |
-You hear me?! -HE BANGS ON THE DOOR | 0:23:33 | 0:23:35 | |
You little shit! | 0:23:35 | 0:23:37 | |
You little shit! | 0:23:37 | 0:23:39 | |
You goddamn weasel hiding in your little hole! | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
I made this network number one for four years! | 0:23:42 | 0:23:46 | |
Four years! | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
Let's see how long you last! You'll be gone before the coffee gets cold! | 0:23:48 | 0:23:51 | |
Y-y-you're a blink. You're a footnote! | 0:23:51 | 0:23:54 | |
And you, what have you done? You came out in digital, for God's sake! Digital! | 0:23:54 | 0:23:58 | |
What the fuck is that?! You're nothing! | 0:23:58 | 0:24:00 | |
You're nobody! | 0:24:00 | 0:24:01 | |
Fuck you! | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
Fuck you, you cocksucker! | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
Fuck you! | 0:24:06 | 0:24:08 | |
Just saw Zac Efron. | 0:24:29 | 0:24:31 | |
He's losing his looks. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:32 | |
How fast? | 0:24:32 | 0:24:34 | |
Sorry about tonight. | 0:24:39 | 0:24:41 | |
It is what it is. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:43 | |
It is what it is. | 0:24:43 | 0:24:44 | |
-You're wrong about one thing. -Yeah? | 0:24:47 | 0:24:49 | |
You are far from over. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:51 | |
Mm. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
I think I've been over for a while and no-one bothered to tell me. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:57 | |
It's not like they send you a thing in the mail. | 0:24:57 | 0:25:01 | |
You don't know. Pucks could catch on. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:05 | |
New night. | 0:25:05 | 0:25:06 | |
No? | 0:25:06 | 0:25:07 | |
Nah. | 0:25:07 | 0:25:09 | |
What kills me is I knew when to quit. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:13 | |
I could've gone out on top. | 0:25:13 | 0:25:15 | |
It's like Vegas. When you hit it big, walk away. | 0:25:16 | 0:25:19 | |
Don't...stay at the fucking table till it's all gone. | 0:25:19 | 0:25:23 | |
The good news is you don't actually have a gambling problem. | 0:25:23 | 0:25:26 | |
-No, I do. -Really? -Kind of. -Oh. | 0:25:26 | 0:25:28 | |
There you are. We've been looking for you. | 0:25:30 | 0:25:33 | |
What's that? | 0:25:33 | 0:25:35 | |
It was for Zac Efron. | 0:25:35 | 0:25:36 | |
What? Like he needs more fruit. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:40 | |
He's out here. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:43 | |
Hey... | 0:25:43 | 0:25:44 | |
-What's up? -Bad news. No show tonight. | 0:25:46 | 0:25:49 | |
-What? -Sorry. They're pre-empting us. We just heard. | 0:25:49 | 0:25:52 | |
They're doing a special on the devastation in Peru. | 0:25:52 | 0:25:55 | |
Yes! Thank you, Peru. | 0:25:55 | 0:25:58 | |
I have Carol here to see you. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:03 | |
'OK.' | 0:26:03 | 0:26:04 | |
Oh! Uh, I didn't realise you were... I can come back. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:13 | |
Stay. I'll be done in 22 seconds. | 0:26:13 | 0:26:16 | |
All right. | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
Hand me a towel. | 0:26:19 | 0:26:21 | |
No! Not that one! | 0:26:23 | 0:26:24 | |
In the bathroom. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:25 | |
This one better? | 0:26:28 | 0:26:29 | |
I, uh... | 0:26:34 | 0:26:35 | |
I just wanted to apologise for Merc. | 0:26:36 | 0:26:39 | |
-Yeah, what the hell was that about? -I know. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:42 | |
I've never seen him like that. Well, not quite like that. | 0:26:42 | 0:26:47 | |
-He's got issues. -You think(?) | 0:26:47 | 0:26:49 | |
I know he seemed like a lunatic today, but... | 0:26:49 | 0:26:52 | |
..he's not a bad guy. | 0:26:53 | 0:26:55 | |
He's just going through a...really hard time and... | 0:26:56 | 0:27:02 | |
And what? | 0:27:02 | 0:27:03 | |
He makes me sad. | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
Oh, Jesus. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:08 | |
Sorry. | 0:27:08 | 0:27:10 | |
You OK? | 0:27:10 | 0:27:12 | |
I'm fine, really. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:15 | |
Thank you. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:22 | |
So embarrassing. | 0:27:22 | 0:27:24 | |
I-I never cry at work. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:28 | |
Well, I'd hug you, but, uh, obviously, I'm all sweaty and... | 0:27:29 | 0:27:34 | |
That's OK. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:37 | |
I don't mind. | 0:27:37 | 0:27:39 | |
Yeah, OK. | 0:27:40 | 0:27:42 |