Episode 6 Gavin and Stacey


Episode 6

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Are you coming with me or going with them?

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-Don't be like that.

-It's OK, Gav, it's just the way it is now.

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-What is?

-Us.

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This is Dave. Do you know Dave?

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I don't, no. Hello, mate. Smithy. All right?

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Who's this Dave? What's going on?

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Smithy, are you jealous?!

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No! Feel for the bloke!

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Hello, Jason.

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Well, you could have warned me!

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He's my brother, he should be here.

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I can hear them whispering.

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Four times I've heard the words "fishing trip".

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I feel like I'm all on my own.

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-What?

-I'm really lonely. I don't want to live there any more.

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I'm moving back home.

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Hiya. All right?

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Yeah, how are you?

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Fine. I'm good.

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-You?

-Yeah, thanks.

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-So what...?

-So when do you...?

-Sorry...

-No, go on.

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-I just wondered what you're doing.

-Well, I'm at work, aren't I?

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Oh, right. Yeah.

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Thanks for sending those clothes.

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-No worries.

-I was just about to run out of pants.

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-So I'll call you later, then.

-Yeah.

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-Promise?

-Yeah.

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-I love you.

-I love you.

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For goodness' sake, nobody will see that, there's a bloody great bush out there.

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Do you care that they are putting a phone mast just 68 feet from your back garden?

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Do you even care about the fact that we're all gonna die?

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Well, we ARE all gonna die eventually.

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Yeah, not of brain cancer and tumour brains - brain tumours - cos that's what will happen.

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I never had you down as an activist.

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Someone's got to do something, Mick. Big Fat Sue's on the case already cos her conservatory overlooks the field.

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So as soon as she sees anyone arrive, we're all gonna rush over and sit on the site in a silent protest.

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-And how's she gonna let you all know?

-By text.

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But some people haven't got a good signal. They go round the back of the house to use their mobiles.

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Yeah, shame that. A lot of bad signal round here.

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We are the lucky ones cos Roy and Catherine only get reception in the bathroom! Ridiculous.

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-What's with all them signs in the window?

-Oh, my little prince...

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-It's your mother's campaign.

-All right?

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Are you back for lunch?

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-No, I'm meeting Smithy at the pub. I forgot my wallet.

-Oh, that's nice.

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-Did you speak to Stacey today?

-Yeah.

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-How is she, all right?

-Yeah. Right. See you later.

-Bye!

-See ya.

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-I don't like seeing him like that.

-I know.

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-Mick... Ring Gwen.

-Pam...

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Just to check she's all right.

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-Just to check she hasn't gone cos we've pushed her out.

-No, it's not.

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I want to know what's going on.

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He doesn't tell us anything!

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It's nice having you both around.

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I wish we were all under the same roof.

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Stacey's at Bryn's, you're on an airbed.

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-And there's us thinking when Dad died you'd be clattering around on your own.

-No chance!

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-PHONE RINGS

-See? It doesn't stop.

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-Hello?

-Hi, it's Mick. Is your mum there?

-Oh, God, it's Stacey!

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-Hang up! Just hang up!

-Hang on!

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Jason, sorry, how are you?

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Thanks. Yeah.

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Hello, Gwen, it's Mick.

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-Hiya, Mick. How's things?

-Well, we're all right, you know?

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-We're just a bit worried about the kids.

-I know. How's Gavin?

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He's gone into his shell. I've never seen him like it.

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-(Has she lost any weight?)

-What?

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(Has she lost any weight?)

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Has she lost weight, Stacey?

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Well, no. If anything, she's eating too much but I think that's the boredom.

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(What did she say?)

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-(What?

-She's stuffing her face.)

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Hello? Mick?

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(Has she mentioned us?)

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-Yeah, yeah.

-(Is Gavin coming down?)

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-What?

-I didn't say anything, Gwen.

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Hang on.

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-Look, why don't you talk to her?

-(No! I'm not here!)

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How's Pam bearing up? Is she all right?

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Well, she's obviously very worried.

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It's all she can think about, to tell you the truth.

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MOBILE PHONE BEEPS AND VIBRATES

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Yeah, yeah.

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Mick, get off the phone! They're here!

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-It's Sue. The bastards are here!

-Hey?

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Where's my fleece? Grab that banner.

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Gwen, I'm gonna have to go, send our love to Stacey.

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Mick! Will you get OFF the PHONE?!

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OK. Goodbye. Goodbye.

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-MOBILE VIBRATES

-For goodness' sake, that was really rude, Pam.

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False alarm. False alarm.

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It's just someone come to read the meter.

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LOUD ROCK MUSIC

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-All right?

-£19 I've put in here. I've only been in the feature twice.

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Maybe it's time to walk away.

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Then I've really lost the money, haven't I?

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Come on, I've only got an hour and I've got to eat something.

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Hang on. I've got four nudges.

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Absolute joke. Brian, is this machine taking the piss?

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Shut up, Smithy.

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I love that guy!

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-No pretence with him.

-Yeah, he's lovely.

-Right.

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That's gone off.

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This is Gavlar time.

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Lay it on me.

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Well, there's nothing really to say.

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She's down there, I'm up here. It's not over, just...

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-Not a marriage any more.

-She's still my wife!

-On paper.

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This is really cheering me up!

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Hey, I'm no Jeremy Kyle, but I've known heartache, I know what it's like to lose the one you love.

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-I haven't lost her.

-And what did I do?

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I got by with a little help from my friends. You need a night out. The boys are all in.

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-No, I just don't fancy it.

-Two words. Foam. Party.

-No.

-Why?

-Where?

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-Ritzy's.

-Definitely not.

-What?!

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But you used to love the foam!

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We even drove to Visage once, which is over an hour away, just cos you loved the foam so much!

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That was eight years ago! Why do you still like it?

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-You know why.

-So you can touch up girls and they don't know who it is?

-Exactly.

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-Yes, please.

-Can I just get the fish and chips?

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I'll have a tuna baguette, with onion rings instead of fries.

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-OK.

-Hang on a minute, whoa.

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-Yours comes with onion rings anyway, so give his chips to me.

-What?

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Put his chips on my plate, and just leave him with the onion rings.

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So you want fish and chips, and chips?

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Yeah. But two actual portions.

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Don't just put a couple of chips on the top cos I'll know.

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-I want two full portions.

-Right.

-Look, it's simple, right?

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Basically plate it up as you would, with a baguette, the onion rings, the chips, right?

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And then JUST before you come out, put his chips on my plate, got it?

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-Yeah.

-Great.

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-What?

-Sometimes I think if we met now, we would never be friends.

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TELEVISION IS ON

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-DOOR BANGS

-Ah. Good morning!

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Or should I say good afternoon?

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-Hiya!

-I didn't want to wake you this morning.

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You looked very peaceful. Did you sleep all right?

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-Yeah, it was fine.

-It's just every night since you've been staying,

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I go up to my bed wracked with guilt that you're down here on that!

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It's fine. Honest. I got the telly, it's quite comfy really.

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You know where the bed is if you want to swap.

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Now I'm not being funny, and it is no odds to me, but are you at any point today planning to get dressed?

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Oh, you're just as bad as Pam, you are.

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Hey, hey, hey! I'm only asking!

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I mean, as far as I'm concerned you can stay there as long as you like.

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I just think it might do you good to have a little wash, that's all.

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Clean body, clean mind, as my drama teacher used to say.

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I'm sorry.

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I will get up now.

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How are you doing really? On the inside.

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-I'm fine.

-Deep down.

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-I'm fine.

-In here.

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-I'm OK. Really, I am.

-Are you missing him?

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Cos I know that I am.

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Every single day.

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I don't want to talk about it, to be honest.

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Right, you need something to occupy your mind.

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Now, have you been online yet today? Cos there's a cracking new website.

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It's called the You...Tube.

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And you can watch all manner of thing on there, some of it quite cheeky.

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The other night, for example, I watched three episodes of Desperate Housewives,

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season one, back-to-back!

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I've got the box set, of course I have,

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but I dunno, I think there's something magical about watching it live.

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Now, have you seen your mother today?

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She called by with Jase. They're going to see Nessa in work.

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-Is that the arcade?

-No, in town. She's performing today.

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Tidy.

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Hiya, Ness.

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-All right, Gwen? Jase?

-Good, thanks.

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How long have you been here?

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What time is it?

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-20 past one.

-Three hours and 20 minutes.

-Well, are you stopping for lunch?

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Oh, Gwen, I'm not being funny, but stick some money in the hat and I can talk to you proper then, like.

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Yes! Of course.

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Shake it.

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Cracking.

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So, what's occurring?

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Oh! I'm on a break, all right?!

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Don't take the piss!

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Jase, when you back on the road?

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Couple of days. It's been great being home, though. I missed the place.

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I know, it does that to you, Barry does. Gets under your skin.

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No matter how far away you go, it'll always pull you back.

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Look at Stace.

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-How's she doing?

-She's not too good.

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She don't want to talk about it, or anything else!

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We're going to the bingo tonight. You coming?

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-Can I bring Dave?

-Yeah.

-You two are quite an item now, aren't you?

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We're enjoying each other's company, Gwen, I'm not gonna lie to you.

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He's a genuine bloke. Simple as.

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And while I remember...

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..happy belated birthday.

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Just a little something from the both of us.

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-Oh, thanks, Ness!

-No worries.

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I owed it you anyway for that Chinese, so it's not really a present.

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But times are hard with a baby on the way.

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-Well, it's the thought that counts.

-I know.

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OK, well, we'll see you later.

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-Unless you fancy joining us for lunch?

-Munchies.

-My treat.

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No. I gotta get back to work.

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Right, well, we'll see you later, then.

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-Great. See you then.

-Bye!

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# Imagine there's no heaven

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# It's easy if you try

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# No hell below us

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-# Above us only sky... #

-Gavin! Gav! Over here!

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-What's going on?

-Did you get my note?

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-Yeah, is everything all right?

-Yeah! Fancy a burger?

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-A couple of minutes for onions.

-Mum, I was worried!

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-Why?

-Look, it's Pete's fault!

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Cos the note says, "Gavin, come to the hill now.

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"I'm with your father. Come here urgently."

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They are on their way. The mast.

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-Yeah, but I thought something had... Smithy, what are you doing here?

-Gavlar!

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Pete, this burger is a dream.

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See? He's not missing the onions.

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I had a text off Big Fat Sue.

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Shh! Don't call her that!

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Her name's Su-san.

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But you always call her Big Fat Sue!

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-Not to her face.

-Everything all right?

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Yes, thank you, Susan.

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-See?

-Hi, Gav! Can I get you a drink?

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We're going out. What time?

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-Have one, go back to yours, get changed, go out.

-OK, I'll have a beer, thanks.

-Yeah?

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-Sue? Big Fat Sue? Can we get Gavin a beer?

-Dawn! Don't call her that!

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Why? Everyone else does. She loves it.

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I always call her Susan.

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Yeah, but it's like we call Japanese Margaret "Japanese Margaret".

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That's because there's two Margarets, we do it to differentiate.

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-All right, son?

-Yeah.

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I thought this was meant to be a silent protest.

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I've been through it all with your mother, but if you can't beat 'em...

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Every single one of them sausages has gone. Did you try one, Gav?

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-I didn't.

-Will you stop going on about those bloody sausages? Yes, they're organic.

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Yes, the butcher made them with his own hands.

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And yes, you can really taste the tarragon, but could you be any more boring?

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Why do you always get like this after a couple of drinks?

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-Dawn, they were a triumph!

-You're an embarrassment!

-Me?!

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I'm an embarrassment? Take a look in the mirror, you pre-op!

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-Dawn, there's no need for that!

-Come on!

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Mum, aren't these the guys?

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-Right. Positions, everyone!

-Shh! Come on! Shh!

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-What you wearing tonight?

-Shhh!

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-That it?!

-It's just a sign, Mum.

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All this for a sign?

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-Right!

-Bloody hell, Pam!

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Well, that showed them, Pam! Up the revolution!

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Mmm.

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I never get tired of these omelettes, Gwen.

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Good, cos sometimes I feel like it's the only thing I ever cook!

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Mum? Have you seen my...phone?

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Uncle Bryn.

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Jason.

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-By the telly, love. That's a nice shirt.

-Thanks.

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Is it Rocha. John Rocha?

0:14:550:14:56

Yes.

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Are you sure you don't want anything?

0:15:000:15:02

No, I'll get something down there.

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Right, well, I'd better get changed.

0:15:040:15:06

-Girls?!

-Yeah?

-Dave will be here in a minute!

-Oh, whoa!

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Dave? Dave? No-one mentioned Dave was coming.

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Yeah. He's giving us a lift.

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-Ohhh.

-What's the matter?

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You're letting him in, Gwen.

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Getting his feet under the table.

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Oh, Bryn. Do you know, sometimes I cannot work you out!

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Jason, I need to talk to you.

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-What's wrong?

-Oh, God.

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-Uncle Bryn?

-It's about Dave.

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-Nessa's Dave? Dave Coaches?

-Yes.

-What?

-He knows.

0:15:420:15:46

-What?

-He knows everything.

-How?

0:15:460:15:50

-I told him.

-Bryn!

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-I'm sorry.

-Why?

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I was on the island.

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Alone.

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I was playing crazy golf.

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It was raining. I only stayed out there cos the rain covered my tears.

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When was this?

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Six months...after....

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I'd just finished the last hole, the one with the bridge and the little windmill.

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I was heading back to the kiosk.

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Dave worked there then. He could see I was upset.

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-All he did was ask me what was wrong and I told him!

-For God's sake.

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Boy, did I tell him, everything.

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-What? Even about...

-Yes! Everything!

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And now he's back in our lives, sitting in our house, eating our food,

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drinking our squash, taking us the bingo in his bus, and I am freaking out!

0:16:310:16:36

I can't take it any more! I feel SICK!

0:16:360:16:39

Bryn! Pull yourself together, man!

0:16:390:16:42

Now, listen.

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Do you think he's told Ness?

0:16:450:16:47

-No.

-Anyone?

-No.

-Are you sure?

-Yes. He was sickened by the whole thing.

0:16:470:16:53

Right. Well, I tell you what we're gonna do.

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We're gonna do nothing.

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-Cos what happened out there was perfectly legal in this country.

-Yes.

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We're gonna have to hope and pray that Dave is as good as his word and keeps it to himself.

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CAR HORN

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Right.

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Come on.

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It'll be fine.

0:17:150:17:17

Jason?

0:17:200:17:21

Do you ever think about it?

0:17:220:17:24

-Hey, gorgeous.

-Dave.

0:17:380:17:40

Did you miss me?

0:17:490:17:51

-Always.

-Good boy.

0:17:510:17:54

-All right, Gwen?

-Hiya, Dave.

0:17:570:17:59

Stace, you're looking nice. How's it going?

0:17:590:18:01

-Oh, you know.

-Hi, Jason, all right?

0:18:010:18:04

Yeah, good, thanks.

0:18:040:18:05

Bryn! What a treat!

0:18:070:18:09

I didn't expect to see you, well, both of you, like, together, on the same trip, like.

0:18:090:18:14

-Everything patched up then, is it?

-Yeah, yeah, everything's fine.

0:18:140:18:17

Right, welcome to Dave's Coaches.

0:18:170:18:19

Dave's the name, bingo's the game, so sit back, everybody, and enjoy the ride.

0:18:190:18:24

Eh, Ness?

0:18:240:18:25

What's Gavin up to tonight?

0:18:270:18:29

I dunno. I think he's going out with Smithy and the boys.

0:18:290:18:34

Oh, there we are, then.

0:18:340:18:35

Whey-hey!

0:18:460:18:49

But wait! Wait! Wait!

0:18:520:18:54

Wait, wait, what's it say?

0:18:570:18:59

-"Back from the dead"?

-Yeah.

0:18:590:19:02

-Was this your idea?

-Yes!

0:19:020:19:04

-Well, it's not very funny.

-It's just a joke.

0:19:050:19:08

What, so my marriage is a joke now, is it?

0:19:080:19:11

Oh, don't... It's just a bit of fun!

0:19:110:19:14

Well, it's not funny.

0:19:140:19:15

Deano, you weren't even at the stag!

0:19:150:19:17

-I know.

-Where'd you get the T-shirt?

0:19:170:19:20

-I got it made.

-Right, well, take them off, all of them.

-What?!

0:19:200:19:24

Seriously, it's not funny. Take them off.

0:19:240:19:26

Told you, Smithy.

0:19:270:19:30

Sorry, Gav.

0:19:330:19:34

Someone order a Chinese?

0:19:390:19:41

Not now, Alan.

0:19:410:19:43

Take the T-shirt off.

0:19:430:19:44

-But I haven't got anything else to wear.

-Take it off!

0:19:440:19:47

Do you know, I've not been here for years.

0:20:000:20:02

-I love a bit of bingo, me.

-Do they play bingo in Spain?

0:20:020:20:05

-I think so. They've got a version of it, I don't know what it's called.

-Bingo.

0:20:050:20:09

Yeah, but what I'm saying is...

0:20:090:20:11

No. It's called "bingo". The Spanish as a nation really enjoy it.

0:20:110:20:15

With theirs, the numbers are pushed through the card rather than crossed off with a pen.

0:20:150:20:20

Other than that, it's exactly the same. Right, Stace?

0:20:200:20:23

-Yeah, we cross them.

-They push them through!

-All right here?

0:20:230:20:25

Yeah, it's as good a place as any to set up camp.

0:20:250:20:28

I mean, base. I wasn't, you know...

0:20:300:20:33

All right, Bryn?

0:20:360:20:38

All right there, Dai?

0:20:380:20:39

-Out with the family tonight, is it?

-Well, and Dave. Do you know David?

0:20:390:20:43

Oh, he's part of the family now, Bryn, come on!

0:20:430:20:45

Actually, he's not, Gwen.

0:20:450:20:47

All right, Dai? How's it going?

0:20:470:20:49

Dave. Dave Coaches Dave!

0:20:490:20:51

I don't know you, but you know my wife, Maria. From the clinic.

0:20:510:20:53

I'd send her your love, but we all know where that gets you.

0:20:530:20:56

Let's get this show on the road.

0:20:570:20:59

I mean, technically, Nessa's not family either.

0:21:000:21:03

But I'm happy to let that one go.

0:21:030:21:05

-What is the matter with you tonight, Bryn?

-It's yours and mine, 69.

0:21:050:21:11

So the ball comes in, shook him off, brought it down, and twat, right in the stanchion.

0:21:200:21:25

-I wish I'd been there.

-Where was ya?

0:21:250:21:27

I was on the phone to Stacey for about three hours, wasn't I?

0:21:270:21:30

-Oh, mate. What's the latest?

-Hey! You told him about your goal?

0:21:300:21:33

-Sounds incredible.

-Unbelievable, Gav.

0:21:330:21:36

He's chested it down, shook him off, rifled it, and bang!

0:21:360:21:38

-Right in the stanchion.

-Have you seen Chinese?

-What?

0:21:380:21:42

He didn't have another shirt.

0:21:420:21:44

Or a coat. So he's wearing a bin bag.

0:21:440:21:46

-It's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life!

-Really?

-Yeah.

0:21:460:21:50

The bouncer's saying it's not proper clothing, and he's saying it is, and he's standing out there

0:21:500:21:56

wearing a bin bag! People are walking past, just looking at him wearing a bin bag!

0:21:560:22:01

Someone said, "Chinese, you're wearing a bin bag!"

0:22:010:22:04

Funniest thing I've ever seen in my life!

0:22:040:22:07

Have you told him about your goal?

0:22:100:22:12

DJ: Only half an hour to go before we unleash the foam!

0:22:120:22:17

Danny La Rue, 62.

0:22:350:22:38

Red raw, 64.

0:22:380:22:42

Down on your knees, 43.

0:22:420:22:46

Two and five, 25.

0:22:460:22:50

Cheers.

0:22:500:22:52

Oh, Stace, I'm not being funny but that's the fifth time in the last 20 minutes.

0:22:520:22:56

-What?

-Checking your phone.

0:22:560:22:58

Talk to him, or don't talk to him. Cut the dicking around, you're married.

0:22:580:23:01

I just don't know if I CAN ring him!

0:23:010:23:04

Like, am I allowed? Does he want to talk to me?

0:23:040:23:07

-I just feel so separate.

-That's what happens when you separate.

0:23:070:23:10

It's like I got this lovely man, we live in a lovely house, with a lovely family.

0:23:100:23:14

-If that doesn't make me happy, what will?

-You haven't got your own car.

-Mmm.

0:23:140:23:18

This reminds me very much of my time with John.

0:23:180:23:21

Prescott.

0:23:210:23:23

I had the lot. Flat in Westminster, full use of one of the Jags,

0:23:230:23:27

didn't even have to cook, had a little Filipino do it for us.

0:23:270:23:31

And a crackin' social life.

0:23:310:23:32

Many a night we'd have Dave Blunkett and his bitch round for dinner.

0:23:320:23:36

But I remember so clearly thinking this was not the life for me.

0:23:360:23:40

And I turned to them and I said, "I don't see the point."

0:23:400:23:44

Dave said neither did he.

0:23:440:23:46

He could be very dry.

0:23:460:23:48

I left that night and I never looked back,

0:23:480:23:51

cos I knew I'd only ever be happy in Barry.

0:23:510:23:53

How did John take it?

0:23:530:23:55

He took it bad.

0:23:550:23:57

He went mad, he did, shouting and fighting.

0:23:570:24:01

Next day he punched a civilian.

0:24:010:24:03

When I saw it on the telly I knew that punch was meant for me.

0:24:030:24:06

I just miss him so much.

0:24:060:24:10

I just miss her so much.

0:24:100:24:11

-Is there no way you could just go and live down there?

-Dunno.

0:24:110:24:14

What would I do for work?

0:24:140:24:16

-Mining?

-I'd never move to Wales.

0:24:160:24:18

-Why?

-I don't like the accent.

0:24:180:24:20

-Budgie, I was just saying to Smithy, and he said the same back, I can't wait for the foam.

-Yeah?

0:24:200:24:27

The foam's coming, the foam's coming!

0:24:270:24:29

-Smithy, I can't wait!

-Nor can I!

0:24:290:24:31

DJ: It's countdown!

0:24:310:24:33

Ten, nine, eight,

0:24:330:24:37

seven, six, five, four,

0:24:370:24:40

three, two, one...

0:24:400:24:42

CHEERING

0:24:420:24:44

# You could be happy and I won't know

0:24:510:24:57

# But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

0:24:590:25:06

# And all the things that I wish I had not said

0:25:080:25:14

# Are played in lips till it's madness in my head

0:25:160:25:23

# Is it too late to remind you how we were?

0:25:250:25:32

# But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

0:25:340:25:40

# Most of what I remember makes me sure

0:25:420:25:49

# I should have stopped you from walking out the door

0:25:510:25:58

# You could be happy, I hope you are

0:26:000:26:06

# You've made me happier than I've been by far

0:26:080:26:15

# Somehow everything I own smells of you... #

0:26:170:26:22

-MOBILE RINGS Gav?

-Stace? Hello?

0:26:260:26:28

-Gav? Gav, I can't hear you!

-Stacey?

-Wait there!

0:26:280:26:32

-Stace?

-Can you hear me?

0:26:340:26:37

-Stace, I miss you so much!

-Me, too!

0:26:370:26:41

This is ridiculous!

0:26:410:26:43

I know, I've gotta see you.

0:26:430:26:44

-I hate this!

-When can I see you?

0:26:440:26:46

I dunno. Whenever you like!

0:26:460:26:49

I love you, Stacey.

0:26:490:26:51

I love you, baby. We're gonna be all right, aren't we?

0:26:510:26:55

Of course we are!

0:26:550:26:57

Of course we are!

0:26:570:26:59

# Tell me tomorrow I'll wait by the window for you

0:26:590:27:05

# I'll wait by the big house for you

0:27:100:27:14

# I'll wait by the squeeze box for you... #

0:27:180:27:23

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0:27:230:27:25

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0:27:250:27:27

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