Episode 3 Have I Got News for You


Episode 3

Another edition of the popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host Robert Webb and guest panellists Marcus Brigstocke and David Threlfall.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

-The first ever debate between the leaders is on - now.

-Yes.

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-On the other side.

-Yes, let's see what's happening.

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So you could switch over and watch the interesting bits now.

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Welcome back!

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APPLAUSE

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Good evening.

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Welcome to Have I Got News For You. I'm Robert Webb.

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In the news this week, at a concert in London,

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there's an uncomfortable moment for Ricky Martin

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when he spots his stalker in the audience.

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LAUGHTER

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After the sad death of the world's smallest man,

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someone enquires whether his clothes will be on eBay.

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LAUGHTER

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And after enjoying a gaffe-free start to the campaign,

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Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg relaxes at his last photo op of the week.

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LAUGHTER

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On Ian's team is an actor from the Channel 4 drama series Shameless.

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He plays a character who lives somewhere absolutely dreadful -

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the north!

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Please welcome Manchester's third most famous Gallagher, David Threlfall.

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APPLAUSE

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And on Paul's team is a comedian

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who recently hosted the confessional chat show

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I've Never Seen Star Wars on late-night BBC Four,

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which is probably why I've never seen I've Never Seen Star Wars.

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Please welcome Marcus Brigstocke.

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APPLAUSE

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And we start with the bigger stories of the week.

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Ian and David, take a look at this.

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-Oh, yes.

-The Prime Minister meeting the voters.

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-"I am Gordon..."

-In front of a cornfield!

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There's that stalker again.

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-Oh, there's a midget on Penny Lane.

-It's Clegg.

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# We are the three amigos... #

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"And this is Paul's skin I got in the settlement as well."

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This is the election.

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-Isn't it?

-Yes, it absolutely is, and it's all go.

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-They're wheeling out their top supporters - Heather Mills...

-Ah!

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-..for the Lib Dems.

-Oh!

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She's being paid by the other two parties.

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-LAUGHTER

-It's true!

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You feel incredibly sorry for the Lib Dems. Who else is coming up?

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It's...Dr Crippen!

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But apart from wheeling out the celebs,

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they brought out the manifestos?

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Right. Yes, indeed. We've got a cover of the Labour manifesto.

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It's lovely. Who wouldn't want to live there?

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-Yeah...

-Bang!

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It does look like a nuclear explosion!

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They're going, "I remember when all this was banks!"

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LAUGHTER

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It's socialist realism, isn't it?

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Indeed, a bit of socialist realism.

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It's an attempt by Gordon to suggest

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-that the future is going to be socialist.

-Yes.

-Which it isn't.

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In fact, some papers have noticed the similarity

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to this Chairman Mao poster.

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LAUGHTER

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Not quite sure if that was the message we were hoping for.

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I think the message is the sun shines out of the leader's bottom...in both cases.

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-In fact, we've made a little special thing...

-A special thing?

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-We've made a little special thing.

-Lovely.

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-You treat us!

-A special thing.

-A special thing!

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-Not for the last time tonight, Paul.

-Oh, really?

-A special thing...

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-How exciting! I might stay up!

-LAUGHTER

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The other thing it reminds me a little bit of...

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Yeah, OK.

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LAUGHTER

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Where's the rest of the Cabinet?

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Dipsy, Laa-Laa, Po - there's quite a lot of him about.

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Time for Tubby bye-byes, I suspect.

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Gordon's speeches are going down terrifically well on the campaign trail. Let's have a look at one.

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And we've got a situation where unless you have a global financial agreement

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about how you're going to tax the banking system...

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LAUGHTER

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Gordon Brown began the week in his home county of Fife.

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His wife Sarah got on the campaign trail persuading voters

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that her husband is a nice, normal sort of guy.

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Unfortunately, she made the mistake of taking him with her.

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LAUGHTER

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What's he sat on?

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Something hilarious!

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How did Lord Mandelson describe the Labour manifesto?

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He said it was "Blair plus" -

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it was what Gordon wanted,

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plus what Tony used to want, and it equals...

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..nothing!

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It's like Imodium Plus, really.

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You take it...

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if there's a massive amount of shit running through it,

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that's the one you take then.

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-Yeah.

-If the shit just absolutely won't stop.

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That's a lovely image to leave!

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There was a lovely and touching moment - here's a press conference

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where Gordon is asked about his wife Sarah.

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She's the love of my life, and we work well together,

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and we like going round the country together,

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and I'm looking forward to the campaign.

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There you are. Isn't that nice? Thank you very much indeed.

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LAUGHTER

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He's just so patronising.

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It's like he's a ventriloquist, isn't it?

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"That's enough about people that aren't ME!"

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And which celebrities have come out in support of Labour?

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-David Tennant.

-Oh, yes.

-They've got Dr Who.

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With a Time Lord on their side, surely anything is possible!

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Meanwhile, who's come out for the Lib Dems?

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Is it the Daleks?

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It's the Daleks - both the Daleks, and, of course,

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the much-loved national treasure, Heather Mills.

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What about the Tories?

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They've got Michael Caine.

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We're doing that in a bit, but we could do that now. Is that what happens?

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-Is that where we all do the impression of Michael Caine?

-Yeah.

-Great.

-We'll look forward to that!

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The Baron of Bedwellty made an appearance on the Andrew Marr Show.

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Lord Kinnock!

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Yes. Let's see what he said.

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Now, talking of attractive politicians, of course,

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Gordon has got a radio face.

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LAUGHTER

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Does that mean he'll be going digital in two years' time?

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Yeah, the big switch-off.

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You would think with friends like that...

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I mean, he gave the man a peerage!

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He gave his wife a job in Europe - so ungrateful.

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"You're not much of an oil painting!"

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"Yeah, ugly! Thanks for the peerage!"

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That's how he talks at home!

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LAUGHTER Yeah!

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Now, some constituencies have got a celebrity actually standing...

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Esther Rantzen in Luton?

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Esther Rantzen, absolutely.

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I spent four weeks learning French with Esther Rantzen in Provence.

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Could you not have done the community service instead?!

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The week started badly for Labour thanks to this man.

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What did he do that people found offensive?

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-He Tweeted.

-Yes. Does anybody know exactly what he said?

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He swore a lot on his texts?

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It's even better.

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And did he mention chavs?

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-He may have done, but that's not the answer on the card, Paul...

-Ian.

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AUDIENCE: Oh-h!

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Ian, Ian! It's worth us getting badges. I've always said that. Ian, Ian, Ian.

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Stuart MacLennan, a Labour candidate for Moray

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who was sacked for Tweeting offensive things. He said...

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And having secured the elderly vote,

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he moved on to ethical issues...

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But to be fair, he did show some depth of thought when it came to current political leaders.

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That's a bit pot and kettle for me!

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Anyone want to say anything about Nick Clegg and the Lib Dem campaign?

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No? OK!

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Well, according to The Times, at a care home for the elderly in Cardiff,

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84-year-old Ken Stacey was asked what he thought of Clegg.

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What did he say was making his head spin?

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Osteopath?

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That would make more sense.

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Was it an exorcist?

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-No.

-No? OK.

-In an interview with The Observer, Nick Clegg said...

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All those years of people saying the Lib Dems are indecisive!

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According to The News Of The World,

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four in ten Lib Dem voters are prepared to vote tactically.

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The other six are just going to waste their vote, as usual.

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Paul, Marcus, here's yours.

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Right.

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-I was at school with him.

-Were you?

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David Cameron, obviously. "Where did you get those jackets from?"

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-And there's a...

-Hey!

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And that's maybe the Conservative Party Manifesto,

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which is a nice sturdy blue. You could leave it on your mantelpiece

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-if the Archbishop of Canterbury came for tea.

-Exactly.

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-Who wrote the Tories' manifesto?

-Oliver Letwin.

-Yes, it was.

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Guttenplan, Emmanuel. Bzzt!

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We've got a lovely picture of Oliver Letwin.

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-Yes!

-There we go!

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Haven't seen that for a while!

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MARCUS: Those are really working for him, aren't they?

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DAVID: Should have gone to Specsavers!

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-What was the main message of David Cameron?

-Time for change.

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This is what opposition parties have to say when they've been in opposition for a while.

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His change is basically, "We can't think of what to do. You do it".

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That's what he's suggesting.

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If we don't like, you know, a local hospital or whatever,

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we'd have to run it.

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-That's fair enough.

-You and I.

-I can do that.

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-I can't do Sundays.

-Oh, OK.

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Who's running the police and the school?

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-Oh, I'll do them.

-He'll do those.

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The good thing is that so many of the children are now criminalised,

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we can just merge the police and the schools...

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Get rid of the teachers. APPLAUSE

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Just put the police in the classroom.

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Do we want "people" running things, really?

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I've met some people, and oh, blimey!

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How did Nick Clegg describe this "power to the people" manifesto?

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Did he say, "I don't want to run the country.

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-"That's why I'm a Lib Dem"?

-Er, no.

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It's the only bias you're allowed to show nowadays,

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is against the third party.

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Do we have to be equal on this, then, and give equal time to...?

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Absolutely. All parties.

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What if people switch off before the end of the programme?

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-You have to go round their house and tell them what you said.

-Really?

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That's why I can't visit on Sundays.

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David Cameron said he wants to encourage anyone to empower themselves...

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Unless you're a gay couple and you want to stay in a B&B.

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Is that what Chris Grayling said? This is what he...?

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-Chris Grayling, who's the Shadow Home Secretary...

-Yes.

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He said that he thought if you owned a B&B,

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you could turn down a gay couple who wanted to come and stay,

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but you are running a public business and it's against the law.

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There are laws about that.

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He fell victim to it

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cos they misheard when he said he was a "homo-secretary",

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and they kicked him out of one, and it's always pissed him off.

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There was a fantastic letter to one of the newspapers.

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Someone said, "Writing as a homosexual man,

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"I want to know what any gay couple are doing checking into a B&B

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"when they should be moving into a boutique hotel."

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Fair play to him!

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How has Cameron been trying to row back

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from Chris Grayling's comments about B&B owners?

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He said it's Conservative policy that you can,

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and if you're a B&B owner and you turn down gay couples,

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then that's a lot of the Shadow Cabinet.

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You can't say that, which is just ludicrous,

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so he said, "No, we're not doing that".

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-Yes.

-Are there a lot of gay couples in the Shadow...?

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There's Alan Duncan, which I consider a lot!

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LAUGHTER

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He's not likely to stay in a B&B

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because he's got so many houses of his own, but...

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Yes, David Cameron did an interview with the Pink News, in which he said...

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Adding, "Especially if any gays have touched it".

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I think... I think that's what he said. I think that's right.

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Here is David Cameron recently, making it absolutely clear

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what the Tory policy is on gay issues.

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When you often say you have free votes in this Parliament,

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the Parliament for which you're responsible,

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if you accept, as you did at the beginning of the interview,

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that gay equality is basically...

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No, sorry, you're right.

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-Should it be a free vote?

-The answer about...

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Sorry. Sorry. Um... No, you're right.

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The two... Sorry, the two... Um...

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Ahh... LAUGHTER

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-You say it's a free vote.

-Yeah.

-You want us to vote for you.

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No, I think... Hold on...

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-If we vote for you, we want you to vote for us.

-I do...

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Can we stop for a second?

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I really want to answer these questions. It's really hard. I'm finding...

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Either can we do a television interview or a press interview?

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I'd almost like to start completely from scratch.

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-He looked like he was having an Eton flashback there.

-Yes.

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Being asked questions by an angry homosexual.

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LAUGHTER

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What has David Cameron been using as a backdrop for photos

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to show he's in touch with the common folk?

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I don't know.

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-The Labour Party have got a big wheat field.

-Yes.

-It's not that?

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To show they're in touch with...wheat.

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-It's actually beer and bread.

-Oh.

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There he is with some loaves.

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He visited a bread factory. That's not just a backdrop.

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The first thing he said to the workers, who depend on selling bread, was,

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"I've got a bread-making machine at home".

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-LAUGHTER

-Yeah.

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There was a report this week that said white bread is cancerous

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and all that as well, it's not a good choice.

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Are you saying he gives you cancer?

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Er, yes, hypothetically.

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In terms of balance,

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we have to suggest that also, the leaders of the Labour Party

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and Lib Dems will also give you very serious illnesses.

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Nick Clegg will give you a mild...

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-A Chinese burn or something?

-Yeah.

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-But Gordon will give you AIDS, so...

-LAUGHTER

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You heard it here first.

0:15:170:15:19

It's nearly time for the Michael Caine Impressions round.

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Who has been roped in to support the Conservatives?

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-MARCUS: Is it Michael Caine?

-Yes, it's Michael Caine!

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He said...

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Yes, cos it's middle-income earners like Sir Michael Caine

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who've really struggled.

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Still, at least he's not Heather Mills.

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Not to be outdone, Dave chipped in with a gag.

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As a project, I hope it does more than just blow the bloody doors off.

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Bang! He's on fire. "Yes, I'll take a question".

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- I'm here all week. - Crunch!

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-Can anyone do a Michael Caine impression?

-Yes.

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Michael Caine, he's backstage at the Woodstock Festival in 1968

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and he's organised a load of prostitutes to look after the bands.

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When he comes back, he says, "What did you do for this band?

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"Oh, look, for the Doors,

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"you're only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off!"

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DAVID CHEERS

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Top of my head.

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Later on, it was Lulu

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and hundreds of other impersonators,

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and he shouted, "Lulus! Thousands of them."

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LAUGHTER

0:16:340:16:36

That was just as good.

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If that's the standard, we can all have a go!

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Elsewhere, the UKIP leaders have got together

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and come up with a brilliant new poster.

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It used to be a catchphrase in the Catholic Church.

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LAUGHTER

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I think that's "tot", isn't it?

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-"Sod the tot"? Um...

-AUDIENCE GROANS

0:17:000:17:04

This is the first British election to feature leader debates

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and right now ITV are hosting the first one,

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showing the other broadcasters how it should be done.

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Louis Walsh is currently moaning about being given Nick Clegg to mentor.

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And so to round two, Strange But True.

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Buzz when you know what it is.

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BELL

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It's a new starter home.

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Is this a man who tried to post himself?

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-Yes.

-Is it?

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-Yes, it is.

-LAUGHTER

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This is the news that a burglar

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has been posting himself to businesses in order to rob them.

0:17:480:17:52

Fantastic. Fantastic!

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-How does he get out with the loot?

-How does he get himself delivered?

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Does he get into the box outside a Post Office with an address on it

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and hope the postman will go, "I must have missed that earlier, a 15-stone package"?

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-Unsurprisingly...

-Is that him there?

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He looks like he's been very good to pose for photographs!

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Maybe the police, to take the piss out of him,

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got somebody to come along to an identity parade

0:18:140:18:17

and said, "Everybody has to sit in a box".

0:18:170:18:19

Did you know what ruined the plan in the end?

0:18:190:18:23

-Wrong postage.

-Not enough.

0:18:230:18:25

This isn't a British story, though, is it?

0:18:250:18:28

No, he's Polish.

0:18:280:18:29

Yeah, cos you'd just die in the box, wouldn't you, waiting to be sent?

0:18:290:18:34

They force him through the letter box!

0:18:340:18:36

"Do not bend"! It specifically said!

0:18:360:18:40

He had an accomplice

0:18:400:18:43

whose job was to deliver him to courier firms

0:18:430:18:46

but instead, decided to tip off the police.

0:18:460:18:49

-The accomplice went...

-"POLISH" ACCENT:

-"This is bullshit."

0:18:490:18:52

Nice Polish accent there, Rob(!)

0:18:520:18:55

Thanks! You're the proper actor, I'll leave it to you.

0:18:550:18:58

-Why don't you say it?

-No! No!

0:18:580:19:01

OK, don't start what you can't finish!

0:19:010:19:03

The police came to the thief's house to arrest him

0:19:030:19:06

but in the end just left a card saying,

0:19:060:19:09

"We called but you were out, please go to your nearest prison."

0:19:090:19:13

What crimes have Cambridgeshire Police been accused of this week?

0:19:130:19:17

Were these the police

0:19:170:19:19

who went into people's homes, broke into people's homes,

0:19:190:19:22

to show that their homes weren't safe from being burgled?

0:19:220:19:25

-Oh, I read about that, but no.

-No, OK.

0:19:250:19:28

They've been accused of printing a leaflet containing...

0:19:280:19:31

This is by the Plain English Campaign.

0:19:310:19:33

-Any idea what it might have been?

-"Have you got this leaflet?"

0:19:330:19:38

It was in fact...

0:19:400:19:42

Fingers on buzzers, teams.

0:19:450:19:48

BUZZER

0:19:530:19:54

-Ah, this is pornography for blind people.

-Yes.

0:19:540:19:57

Yes, this is a new pornographic magazine for the blind

0:19:570:20:00

which has been launched complete with Braille text and raised pictures of naked men and women.

0:20:000:20:04

Are they still on the top shelf? That would seem a bit churlish.

0:20:040:20:10

It would say in the newsagents, "No feeling."

0:20:100:20:15

Can anyone guess what some of the images are of?

0:20:150:20:20

-There's got to be a bit of "wha-ha-ha" in there somewhere.

-And some "phwoar"!

-"Woah-ah"!

0:20:200:20:25

A bit of "wha-aa-aa"! A bit of "brr-rr-rr"!

0:20:250:20:27

And a bit of "hey-hey-hey"!

0:20:270:20:29

-I think, actually, this is pornography for the deaf.

-Yes.

0:20:290:20:33

According to the Daily Mirror...

0:20:360:20:39

Thank you, Prime Minister, now get back to your campaign.

0:20:400:20:43

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:20:430:20:47

Time now for the Odd One Out round.

0:20:480:20:51

Tony McCoy, a motorist in the bus lane in Southwark, Pepper Pig

0:20:510:20:56

and Joan Hall of Derbyshire.

0:20:560:20:58

Tony McCoy won the Grand National at the weekend.

0:20:580:21:01

-Well, the horse did, really.

-Oh, the horse did, yeah.

0:21:010:21:04

On the way out from the Grand National,

0:21:040:21:06

he got a speeding ticket, I think.

0:21:060:21:08

He was caught driving whilst talking on his mobile, which resulted in a £30 fine

0:21:080:21:12

and three points on his licence.

0:21:120:21:14

And the pig, she was recently in trouble.

0:21:140:21:16

She's one of these characters in a BBC cartoon series

0:21:160:21:18

-and she was in a car and wasn't wearing a seat belt.

-Correct.

0:21:180:21:21

They weren't fussed about just the idea of a pig driving a car?

0:21:210:21:25

LAUGHTER

0:21:250:21:27

That was fine.

0:21:270:21:28

There was a squeal of brakes and off she went!

0:21:280:21:31

LAUGHTER

0:21:310:21:33

So, it's about people breaking traffic laws

0:21:340:21:36

but I don't know who the woman is at the bottom.

0:21:360:21:39

I presume she is the odd one out, cos I don't know who she is.

0:21:390:21:42

Correct. They've all been accused of motoring offences

0:21:420:21:45

apart from Joan Hall,

0:21:450:21:46

who is a blameless motorist, and had nothing to do with her car ending up crushed.

0:21:460:21:50

-Shall we just see what happened?

-Mmmm.

0:21:500:21:52

I was on my way back from the post office and I saw a neighbour coming down our passageway

0:21:520:21:57

and he said to me, "A rock has hit your car".

0:21:570:22:00

I thought it would be a little stone.

0:22:000:22:02

When I saw the size of it, it was a five-ton boulder.

0:22:020:22:06

LAUGHTER

0:22:060:22:07

Those Top Gear boys really are out of control.

0:22:070:22:10

I thought it was a Tim Vine joke.

0:22:100:22:13

Someone says, "Something's hit your car".

0:22:130:22:15

"What? Boulder?"

0:22:150:22:16

SOMETHING'S HIT YOUR CAR!

0:22:160:22:19

LAUGHTER

0:22:190:22:20

Plucky Joan reacted to this very lucky escape. What did she say?

0:22:200:22:24

-It's my husband you'll feel sorry for. He's in the front seat.

-LAUGHTER

0:22:240:22:27

They managed to get him out via the glove compartment.

0:22:270:22:30

She said...

0:22:300:22:32

Blimey. Derbyshire sounds intriguing.

0:22:360:22:38

LAUGHTER

0:22:380:22:40

Pepper Pig came under criticism earlier this year for not wearing a seat belt.

0:22:400:22:44

Can anyone name any of the other characters on the show?

0:22:440:22:47

Mummy Pig, Daddy Pig...

0:22:470:22:49

There's an exhaustive list, actually. There's...

0:22:490:22:51

LAUGHTER

0:23:040:23:07

The motorist in the bus lane in Southwark, faced with a £120 fine,

0:23:070:23:11

offered up a rather unusual excuse.

0:23:110:23:13

-Is this about the aliens?

-Yes, it was about a UFO.

0:23:130:23:15

He told an appeal that, while he never normally strays into bus lanes,

0:23:150:23:20

he was forced to take...

0:23:200:23:22

LAUGHTER

0:23:250:23:26

Does anybody know other excuses

0:23:260:23:28

that motorists have given Southwark Council? There's no reason why you should.

0:23:280:23:32

"I was pissed". That usually works.

0:23:320:23:34

One driver tried to get out of a parking fine by claiming...

0:23:340:23:38

LAUGHTER

0:23:420:23:45

Excuses for speeding have included...

0:23:450:23:47

LAUGHTER

0:23:540:23:56

Speaking of UFOs, which politician has reportedly had a bit of trouble with UFOs?

0:23:580:24:03

-No, who is it?

-It was Michael Howard.

0:24:030:24:06

-Oh, yes.

-Released MoD files have revealed reports of...

0:24:060:24:09

LAUGHTER

0:24:110:24:12

Eyewitness reports describe the craft as...

0:24:120:24:15

LAUGHTER

0:24:180:24:20

Now, I'm no expert, but that might be...a jumbo jet.

0:24:200:24:26

Or Ann Widdecombe. LAUGHTER AND DISAPPROVING NOISES

0:24:260:24:29

Meanwhile in Oxford, a learner driver's lesson ended like this.

0:24:310:24:35

The instructor told the learner driver, "When I hit the dashboard with my forehead,

0:24:370:24:42

-"I want you to call an ambulance".

-LAUGHTER

0:24:420:24:44

Time now for the Missing Words round,

0:24:440:24:47

which this week features as its guest publication,

0:24:470:24:50

At Your Fingertips - the newsletter of the Dorset Thimble Society.

0:24:500:24:54

Yes, the publishers like nothing more

0:24:540:24:56

than playing a game of Hunt The Reader.

0:24:560:24:59

And we start with...

0:24:590:25:01

-Crumble under pressure.

-LAUGHTER

0:25:030:25:05

-Caught hobnobbing.

-LAUGHTER

0:25:050:25:08

MARCUS: Arrest disproportionate number of Bourbons.

0:25:080:25:11

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:25:110:25:13

The answer is...

0:25:170:25:18

Next...

0:25:210:25:22

-Chinese restaurant.

-LAUGHTER

0:25:240:25:28

MARCUS: It's not the transport union, is it?

0:25:290:25:32

LAUGHTER

0:25:320:25:34

-Is it Van Gogh?

-It's not Van Gogh.

0:25:340:25:37

-Isn't it?

-No.

0:25:370:25:38

-No, it's Van Go.

-That's a removal firm, isn't it?

0:25:380:25:40

LAUGHTER

0:25:400:25:43

-The answer is GMTV.

-Oh, yeah.

0:25:430:25:45

This is a quote from Emma Crosby, apparently the main anchor on GMTV,

0:25:450:25:49

who said...

0:25:490:25:50

Yes, because they are, what, 20 years behind the rest of television? Next...

0:25:520:25:57

DAVID: And you are? LAUGHTER

0:25:590:26:02

It's actually...

0:26:050:26:06

It's a fridge-freezer that can record and play back voice messages such as,

0:26:080:26:12

"We are out of milk", or, "Get more butter", but in Eamonn Holmes' case,

0:26:120:26:16

-it'll be reduced to repeating the words, "Not so fast, fatty".

-LAUGHTER

0:26:160:26:21

Finally...

0:26:210:26:23

-Extreme sexual deviancy.

-LAUGHTER

0:26:250:26:29

I'm going again next year.

0:26:290:26:31

MARCUS: Is it, "The crushing futility of existence"?

0:26:340:26:37

We're orbiting in to the next spectrum there, aren't we?

0:26:370:26:40

The answer is...

0:26:400:26:41

The final scores are - Ian and David have five,

0:26:430:26:47

-Paul and Marcus have nine!

-Nine, yeah.

0:26:470:26:49

APPLAUSE

0:26:490:26:51

But before we go, there's just time for the caption competition.

0:26:550:26:58

LAUGHTER

0:26:580:27:01

MARCUS: Lib Dem manifesto launch a success.

0:27:010:27:03

LAUGHTER

0:27:030:27:05

MARCUS: Not in my B&B.

0:27:050:27:06

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:27:060:27:08

I don't know what the crime was, but this is a hell of an identity parade.

0:27:110:27:16

On which note, we say thank you to our panellists, Ian Hislop and David Threlf-f-f...

0:27:160:27:21

LAUGHTER

0:27:210:27:23

MARCUS: Say, "Off of Shameless".

0:27:230:27:25

The bloke off of Shameless, Paul Merton and Marcus Brigstocke.

0:27:250:27:29

I leave you with news that in central London, as David Cameron finalises his lines of attack

0:27:290:27:34

for the leadership debate, a suspicious character is spotted inside a nearby white van.

0:27:340:27:39

LAUGHTER

0:27:390:27:41

Germaine Greer's reputation is shattered by the publication

0:27:420:27:45

of a photo of her with her first boyfriend.

0:27:450:27:48

LAUGHTER

0:27:480:27:49

Before taking to the podium for the leadership debate,

0:27:490:27:52

David Cameron has one last try at sincere.

0:27:520:27:55

LAUGHTER

0:27:550:27:57

And during filming for the latest episode of Who Do You Think You Are,

0:27:590:28:02

the guest celebrity discovers he is a direct descendant of Hungarian Jews.

0:28:020:28:06

LAUGHTER

0:28:060:28:09

-Goodnight.

-APPLAUSE

0:28:090:28:12

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:210:28:25

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0:28:250:28:28

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