Still Swayze's After All These Years Hebburn


Still Swayze's After All These Years

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Transcript


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Look at that - the first chapter of my book

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published in a national newspaper.

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I did a photocopy for me dad this morning, he was so chuffed.

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This is one of the most important supplements going.

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Nah, it's cod-liver oil you're thinking about, mate.

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-So, happiest day of your life?

-No, scariest day of me life.

-How?

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Cos that's about his missus going mental cos she's up the duff, isn't it?

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-When she finds out, she's going to go fully psycho, like.

-Really?

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Oh, aye, Sarah's going to cut his knackers off.

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Or a more polite way of saying it may be that my pregnant wife's

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hormone imbalance has caused her to become somewhat unpredictable.

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So, discovering I've published her every move with our real names

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may well exacerbate her situation...

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..causing her to cut me knackers off.

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The Telegraph. So, what's all that about then?

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Hold on, you work in newspapers and you've never heard of it?

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I work in newspapers, I've never heard of it neither.

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Of course. No-one in Hebburn bothers with the broadsheets.

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Sarah might never find out.

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I mean, no-one bothers with our paper and it's about them.

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I had to order this one in! I bet you no-one around here

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would even dream of reading it.

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Show us page three and I'll tell you.

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"Environment Secretary questions new EU ruling."

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Nah, I'll give it a miss, like.

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"Week four and Sarah's mood's in direct proportion to the

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"amount of melted Haagen Daz she's able to drink from a pint glass."

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Ho-ho!

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DOORBELL RINGS

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I'll get it!

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Aye, aye.

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-Hi!

-Hiya, Sarah.

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Oh, look at you, all lovely and fat.

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-Pregnant.

-Well, pregnant's just an excuse, though, isn't it?

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Howay in, pet.

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Dad! It's our Sarah.

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Oh, man! No pockets.

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Right, burn it.

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-Do I smell burning?

-Burning? I don't know, can you? I can't.

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Coffee?

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-Erm, tea, please.

-Good.

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Coffee?

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Erm... Tea, please.

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Good.

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Hope you don't mind me just calling in.

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It's just since handing in my PhD, I've been so bored.

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Waiting for this little one to stop kickboxing my bladder

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and make his or her appearance.

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You want to enjoy the boredom, flower,

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it'll all change when the baby's here.

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This is the calm before the storm.

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Before the tsunami of crying, nappies, potty training...

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"Daddy's got me toy." "Dad, can I have a pound for me pocket money?"

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"Dad, can I have ten quid for the cinema?"

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"Dad, I've just met this lovely lad. He's lush and he's a singer..."

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Until eventually...

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Dad, can I have 20 quid for the pub later on?

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Aye, me wallet's over there, you know the combination.

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-Can I smell burning?

-No.

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-No, I think I can.

-You can't.

-Are you going to college?

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No, I'm going to the recording studio.

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We're doing the final mixes for Gervaise's album.

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The sound engineer says he's done everything

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he can to make it sound decent and he can't do any more.

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Surely you don't need to turn up?

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Dad, I'm the executive producer.

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Turning up is the main thing that I do.

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-What if I want to go down the pub?

-Well, you can't, can you?

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Remember what the doctor said.

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You can only go to the pub

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when you're able to walk there on your own.

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-Ta-ra!

-Aye, the being on me own part's

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the thing I'm looking forward to the most.

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I reckon this is the thing that I'm most proud of.

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Gan get it shredded, man.

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I can't. I can't just destroy it.

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If you ask me, your biggest achievement was convincing

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that posh lass to marry you. That's what you don't want to destroy.

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Thanks for that, Jolly Green Geordie.

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-I suppose you're right, like.

-Get it shredded, man.

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The first rule of a happy marriage - destroy all incriminating evidence.

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OK.

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Nah, I cannae do it, I cannae do it.

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You want to get some product on that, boss.

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Look, Jack, with all due respect, it's a bit distracting,

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-we're trying to get something done here.

-Aye, I'm about the do his mouth.

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One false slip and he'll give us Bell's palsy.

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OK. Here we go.

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Say goodbye to the only copy in Hebburn.

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HE MOUTHS ALONG # There's something deep up Inside of me

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# Won't you reach in and touch it? #

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Yeah, well, it's blatantly fabulous.

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-Don't you think it sounds like you've got prostate cancer?

-What?

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"There's something deep up Inside of me

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"Won't you reach in and touch it?"

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Isn't this a song for proctologists?

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It's a song for people of all nationalities.

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You all right?

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Hey, guys.

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-Oh, God, not this prick.

-Hiya, babes.

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So, how's it going?

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Vicki said that you might value my input in the final mix.

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I don't want to interfere...

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So, what you working on?

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Lips Looks Like Legs, Looks Like Love.

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Sounds like shite.

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-I doubt that, we're making magic here, Gervaise, yeah.

-Oh, yeah.

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"Magic."

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Is this your card?

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Are you being a knobhead?

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I can't handle you being a knobhead today, like.

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I'm sensing that maybe you're needing

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a bit of conflict resolution here,

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so maybe I'll just step out for a minute, yeah?

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Yeah, you take as many minutes as you like

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and don't be afraid to turn them into hours or for ever!

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Gervaise! I'm warning you.

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Right! If you two are having a barney,

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I'm going to take the bins out.

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What's this about? Is it the stress of the album that's getting to you?

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Oh, no, I'm brilliant. Therefore, my album is brilliant.

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I mean, why did you invite Lindsay to my final mix down?

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Because he's an amazing and sophisticated musician.

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And he's bringing loads of studio experience.

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I've asked Denise to come and all, she's bringing...

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crisps.

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Are you jealous of Lindsay? What's bothering you?

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-Is it his talents, his brains or his looks?

-It's all them things.

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Well, not in that order, but, yes.

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-The thing I really don't like is the way he makes you?

-What?

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A bigger person?

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Because if you loved me, Gervaise, you'd be all about a bigger me.

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And I'd appreciate a bigger you!

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So, what you're really saying is you're looking for something

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to make this place stand out, aren't you?

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That's why I am having the stage revamped.

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Oi, Fat Keith, me mural is going to be finished for tonight, isn't it?

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Of course it is. And it's not Fat Keith, it's Big Keith.

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And what's the best way to make this a local hotspot

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while increasing your takings?

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-Set it on fire and claim on the insurance?

-No.

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Competitively-priced cupcakes. Try one.

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That's nice.

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I don't think people are going to have cupcakes with beer, though.

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Really? I wonder...

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-Ramsey?

-Aye?

-Fancy a cupcake with your pint?

-Oh, aye.

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-They are free, aren't they?

-You fancy a cupcake, love?

-Aye, why not?

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See, the market's crying out for it.

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-I'll have one as well, like.

-Thought you might, pet.

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Well, for better or for worse, these are me clientele.

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Go on, I'll take 300.

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300 for tonight?

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That won't be a problem, will it?

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No, no, of course not. I'll get me workforce right onto it.

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I thought you said they were home-made.

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Yes, that's right, it's a home-made workforce.

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Oh...

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Would you let us keep me dinner down just bloody once?

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Oh, lad.

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The little bastard.

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-RELAXATION CD:

-Having a baby is the most natural thing in the world.

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Don't be terrified.

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SHE SOBS

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-Vicki! How did you get in?

-I've got a spare key.

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Don't make a big thing about it! I'm all over the place.

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I've come for a right good cry!

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-RELAXATION CD:

-Everything's good.

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Right, mix faster, faster! It's nearly three and we're not

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-even halfway done yet.

-Oh!

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-Why did you promise her 300?

-Greed, that's why. Going to send me

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to an early grave and all for nothing but a few pennies profit

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on a tiny cake.

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If I'd known that's all it took, I would have done this ages ago.

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Honestly, I bet Mr Kipling doesn't get this much lip off his workforce.

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And go!

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I'm proper torn, like.

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Let's look at Gervaise - his good points and his bad points.

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Well...there's his looks...

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..his sense of style.

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His voice.

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-When are we going to get to his good points?

-Sarah, this

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is important. I've been going out with him on and off and then

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on and off again and then off twice then back on for the last

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three years.

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Bad points.

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He's a mardy little shit if you try to executive produce his album.

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And then, sometimes, when I'm with him...

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..he treats us like I don't even exist.

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So, why are we interviewing Gervaise again?

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Because, on a slow news week, "Pillock Records Album" is

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actually worthy of a few column inches.

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-Aye, well, if he starts singing it, you're on your own.

-How, man.

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If it isn't Tyneside's own Piers Morgan(!)

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-Whoa, now that is slander.

-Run along.

-Right, I'll just go and get

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-myself set up.

-Hmm.

-Stay.

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-Oh! How did you get a copy of that?!

-It was in that bin.

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I was sick all over your face. Reminded me of the good times.

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-Sarah know about this?

-Come on, then, what do you want?

-Oh...

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..girl can want a lot of things, Jack.

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Maybe...one last night of passion...?

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Doubt if Sarah will do all the things I used to do to you.

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I can do them all again tonight.

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Plus two new things. One I learnt at Sexy Zumba.

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-And another I saw on Game Of Thrones.

-Well, if that's me

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only option, then I'm definitely going to tell her.

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Right answer!

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SHE CHUCKLES

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Just a little test, Jackie. You see, me and your lass have become close,

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just as mates. So, I'm not going to tell her what you did.

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-Cos it will break her little heart.

-Oh, thank God for that.

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-You're going to tell her.

-What?!

-You've got to sort things out,

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Jack. I read this - you're making her look like a total psycho.

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Well, maybe I just attract that kind, Denise.

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Are you calling me a psycho? You'd better not be calling me a

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psycho, if you're calling me a psycho I will show you a psycho.

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Now, Lindsay - pros...

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Well...

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..he's good-looking.

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And gorgeous.

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And handsome.

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And he helps us grow as a person.

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And he treats us proper nice.

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And when I'm with him...

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..I know I definitely exist.

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And...

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-..he's posh like you.

-Sorry?

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Well, now I know why our Jack likes being with a posh person.

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I remember him saying...

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SHE SNIFFS

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"It's like putting your Aldi shopping in a Marksie's bag."

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LINDSAY SNIFFS

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So, what are you saying with this album?

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Huh, Jackie, I'm not saying anything. I'm singing.

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Aye, in the loosest sense of the word.

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Right, I'm going for me lunch. Yous better go outside.

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Oh, for God's sake, Eric! Can't you see I'm schmoozing the press?!

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Whoa! Nobody mention schmoozing to me. I don't want to schmooze.

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What's schmoozing?

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If you're not going outside, I'm going to have to lock you in for

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-half an hour.

-Big deal! Just do it, bell end!

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Look, I'm not an idiot.

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I don't think my music can heal all the world's problems,

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but I do think it can make them irrelevant.

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Eric is definitely coming back, isn't he?

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God, I hope so.

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I tell you another thing,

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when I look at Lindsay,

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he really gets me motor running.

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I'm talking proper fizzy knickers, like.

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Oh, that's...

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romantic.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Oh, that will be Denise, we're going to do our antenatal exercises.

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-Oh.

-Hiya.

-How did you get in?

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It's not exactly Fort Knox, flower. Anyway, I rang the bell, didn't I?

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I'm not rude. You all right, Vic?

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Vicki's having a dilemma.

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Well, why didn't you come to me?

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I've always listened to your problems.

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Sorry, Denise, I just thought

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Sarah would be a bit more sensitive.

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Sensitive...? I'm sensitive.

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-Oh.

-I cried at the end of Terminator Two, didn't I?

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Away, tell Denise all about it.

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Well...

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I feel like I might need to choose between Lindsay and...

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Dump Gervaise, get pissed, shag the Scottish lad. Done!

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Denise, it's not that simple.

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-No, actually, it is that simple.

-Right, let's do our pelvic floors.

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And three, two, one...go.

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BOTH EXHALE

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And again. Three, two, one...

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Hey, look at the state of us.

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What would Lindsay think? Denise, have you got any foundation?

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-STIFLED:

-In me bag, help yourself.

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BOTH EXHALE

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Eee, what's this?

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-Our Jack?

-No, it's nowt, man, just put it back.

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Give me that, please, Vicki.

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What is this?!

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So, hold on, you, the man that talent forgot, want to be

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more successful than Michael Jackson and Beyonce put together?

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That's stage one of the plan, yeah.

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-Then, would you move out of Hebburn, like?

-Oh, aye.

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Or Gateshead at the very least.

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PHONE RINGS

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Hello, gorgeous. I'm interviewing a combination of Jacko and Beyonce -

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white man with a big arse.

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Jack, why am I reading about myself in a national newspaper?

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Oh, right, hold on. I can sense that you're getting a little bit

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-annoyed...

-Little bit annoyed!

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Everyone, and I mean everyone we know is going to read this.

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I'm furious, I'm absolutely furious. I'm so angry that...

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WATER RUNNING

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..I've wet myself.

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'Are you happy? You've made me so angry'

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-that I have wet myself!

-Hang on a minute.

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That's not wee. I work in an old folk's home, I know all about wee.

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I think your waters have broken.

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Hah! Did you hear that?

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'My waters have broken!'

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My...my waters have broken?

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No, no, no. They can't. I've still got two months to go yet.

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Oh, my God, Sarah, I'm so sorry! Hold on, baby, I'm on me way.

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I'll ring you back in two minutes.

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The door's locked.

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-HE YELLS:

-The door's locked!

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Aye, do you not remember? Chuckles said he had to lock up.

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I often find this time useful to meditate or work on designs

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-for my stage outfits.

-Meditate! You'll be meditating yourself

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a new set of teeth in a minute, son.

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Get Eric down here and get that door open now!

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What are you doing?!

0:16:520:16:54

What are we going to do? I wish Lindsay was here, he'd know.

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He's given birth to a lamb in a stream.

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Vicki, you're going to have to drive her to the hospital.

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What?! Why me?!

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-Why me?

-Because, genius, you're the only one with a car and

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Aqua Vet isn't here.

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What happens if her waters break again on me upholstery?

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What if I crash? What if she has the baby in the car?

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I haven't got a car seat!

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Vicki...you're me best mate,

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and what I'm going to say to you now

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I've been needing to say since the first day we met.

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Get. Your shit. Together!

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Ah, well said. Now let's go!

0:17:320:17:34

-Right! Open the car, open the car!

-I can't find my keys!

0:17:340:17:38

-Use the clicker, man.

-I took it off because it doesn't go

0:17:380:17:40

with the other keys!

0:17:400:17:41

Right, focus, focus, focus!

0:17:450:17:47

WINDOW BANGS

0:17:470:17:49

-Now open this side, you daft tart.

-Right, sorry.

0:17:490:17:52

-Right, go, go, go!

-I'm doing it, I'm doing it!

0:17:560:17:59

-We're not moving!

-Just start the car and drive, man!

0:17:590:18:03

Will you stop shouting at us?!

0:18:030:18:05

I'm in proper turmoil at the minute!

0:18:050:18:08

-What?

-Well, I'm thinking -

0:18:080:18:10

"Isn't it weird that it would be better if Lindsay was here?"

0:18:100:18:13

-Not Gervaise. What do yous think?

-I think we can all agree that would

0:18:130:18:16

be better if Lindsay was here because he could drive

0:18:160:18:18

and you'd be free to feel my foot up your arse!

0:18:180:18:21

-Ahh! God, it hurts! Can we go?!

-Sarah, Sarah, look at us.

0:18:210:18:25

Everything is going to be all right.

0:18:250:18:28

Please, now!

0:18:280:18:29

Right, well, I'll just have to rush me pre-flight checks.

0:18:290:18:32

Seatbelt, mirror, mascara, boobs looking lush.

0:18:320:18:36

Right, then, let's drive...

0:18:360:18:38

TYRES SQUEAL AND ENGINE ROARS

0:18:380:18:40

Eric, you've got to come back, it's an emergency.

0:18:420:18:45

Yes, I was wrong to call you a bell end. You have no bell-end qualities

0:18:450:18:49

whatsoever.

0:18:490:18:50

Aye...

0:18:500:18:52

Yes, I'm the bell end.

0:18:520:18:55

Come on.

0:18:550:18:56

-And my album is...shite.

-Come on.

0:18:560:19:00

Please come back! He's on his way.

0:19:000:19:02

-I...think.

-Thanks. Thanks.

0:19:030:19:07

Someone get us a doctor! Or yous are all going to need a doctor.

0:19:090:19:13

-In here, in here.

-Reverse.

-Reverse.

0:19:130:19:16

Jack! Where are you now?!

0:19:160:19:18

-I'm...I'm... Oh, I'm still in the recording studio.

-'What?!'

0:19:180:19:22

The door's locked, we can't get out. But don't worry.

0:19:220:19:24

I've got the best brains in Hebburn on the case and they've worked

0:19:240:19:27

out a plan of action.

0:19:270:19:29

SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

0:19:290:19:31

Now, look, you're going to have to push.

0:19:310:19:33

SHE SOBS I don't want to!

0:19:330:19:35

It's not ready yet! I have to keep the baby inside until Jack gets here!

0:19:350:19:41

Look, the baby wants to come out now. One big push.

0:19:410:19:44

Right down your bottom.

0:19:440:19:46

Ahh!

0:19:480:19:50

SHE SHRIEKS

0:19:500:19:51

I'm never, ever coming off the pill, like, ever.

0:19:510:19:55

SOBBING: I'm scared! I want Jack!

0:19:550:19:57

Jack's on his way but look at us,

0:19:570:19:59

look at us. You've got me, all right? And I'm going to

0:19:590:20:03

be with you every step of the way, lass.

0:20:030:20:05

-And Vicki is...

-I need some Cheryl, right now, like.

0:20:050:20:09

-..also in the room.

-OK, one more big push.

0:20:090:20:12

SHE SCREAMS

0:20:150:20:18

Nurse?

0:20:180:20:20

It's me daughter-in-law,

0:20:200:20:21

she's been brought in, she's a bit premature, like,

0:20:210:20:23

-I've got cakes...

-Mam...?

0:20:230:20:26

-How is she? How's the bairn?

-The baby's through there, they've

0:20:280:20:31

-got it in one of those little greenhouses.

-All right.

0:20:310:20:34

I tell you what, seeing that bairn come into the world, it makes

0:20:340:20:37

you think, when I have mine

0:20:370:20:39

I'm going to have all the drugs they've got.

0:20:390:20:42

I might even see about bringing in some of me own.

0:20:420:20:45

-You all right, pet.

-Eee, Dad. For me birthday, can I get me tubes tied?

0:20:450:20:49

-DOOR OPENS

-My wife, my wife's here, where is she?

0:20:490:20:51

Hang on, hang on, I'll deal with this. Where do you keep the babies?

0:20:510:20:54

-Jack, here!

-Mum! Where's Sarah?

-They're through here, pet,

0:20:540:20:57

they're saying they're both fine.

0:20:570:21:00

Kept us waiting, never been offered a cup of tea, flu injection,

0:21:000:21:04

-nothing.

-Right, well, I'd better...I'd better...

0:21:040:21:06

Hang on, Jackie, Jackie. Whoa. Untwist your knickers, son.

0:21:060:21:09

Sarah and that little baby are going to need you now.

0:21:090:21:12

You're right, cheers, mate. Thank you.

0:21:120:21:14

And you were right about not telling Sarah about the book as well.

0:21:140:21:17

No...

0:21:170:21:18

You little...

0:21:200:21:21

Sarah, I'm so, so sorry. I took the book deal out thinking I didn't

0:21:220:21:26

want to upset you cos you were pregnant but I wasn't going to

0:21:260:21:28

keep it as a secret forever, just until you'd had the baby.

0:21:280:21:31

Look...they didn't print any of the positive stuff, just the bad stuff.

0:21:310:21:34

Listen, right, listen...

0:21:340:21:35

"It's amazing watching Sarah begin to blossom

0:21:350:21:38

"into motherhood. Mind, she's become proper mardy about it."

0:21:380:21:41

-That's probably not the best example.

-Shh, shh.

0:21:410:21:44

-Jack...

-What?

0:21:440:21:46

Look...

0:21:460:21:48

..we have a son.

0:21:500:21:51

Is he...is he going to be...?

0:21:570:21:59

They don't know yet.

0:22:000:22:02

See how he goes.

0:22:020:22:04

He's so small.

0:22:050:22:06

I know.

0:22:070:22:09

-It's my fault. It's all my fault!

-Jack, Jack, look at me.

0:22:100:22:14

There's something that I've wanted to say to you for a really long time.

0:22:150:22:19

-Oh, I love you too!

-No...

0:22:190:22:21

What I needed to say is...

0:22:220:22:24

-Get. Your shit. Together.

-What?

0:22:250:22:30

Our son needs someone he can look up to. Not someone who writes secret

0:22:300:22:33

books and feels like he can't share anything with his wife

0:22:330:22:36

because he's worried that she'll get angry.

0:22:360:22:38

-You did go well mental, like.

-Yes, and I probably will again.

0:22:380:22:42

-Will you?

-Loads of times.

0:22:420:22:45

And probably over nothing at all.

0:22:450:22:47

Well, that's something to look forward to, then!

0:22:470:22:50

Come here.

0:22:500:22:51

Here's to Jack's new bairn!

0:22:580:23:00

CHEERING

0:23:000:23:01

Aren't the parents supposed to be here when you do that?

0:23:010:23:04

I'm not a stickler for tradition, mate.

0:23:040:23:06

DOOR OPENS

0:23:060:23:07

Where have you been? I've been phoning you all day.

0:23:090:23:12

I've been helping to give birth to Jack and Sarah's new baby.

0:23:120:23:15

Well, sort of.

0:23:150:23:16

WOMAN CLEARS THROAT

0:23:160:23:18

Welcome, everybody, to the unveiling of our new stage

0:23:180:23:22

here at Swayze's!

0:23:220:23:25

CHEERING

0:23:250:23:27

Look, we need to talk...

0:23:280:23:31

I'm not a talker, I'm a singer.

0:23:310:23:33

Thanks to Pauline Pearson for the delish cupcakes!

0:23:330:23:38

CHEERING

0:23:380:23:40

Listen, I've been doing a lot of thinking...

0:23:400:23:44

..and growing as a person.

0:23:450:23:47

-Oh! That's Lindsay talking!

-No, it's me.

0:23:470:23:50

I'm talking.

0:23:510:23:52

The new centrepiece of Swayze's!

0:23:520:23:55

CHEERING

0:23:550:23:56

I need to say something to you. I just think it's time that we...

0:23:560:24:00

Big Keith, will you do the honours, please, flower?

0:24:000:24:03

..broke up.

0:24:030:24:05

DRUM ROLL

0:24:050:24:07

CHEERING

0:24:070:24:09

I'm sorry.

0:24:110:24:13

MUSIC: "S Club Party" by S Club 7

0:24:140:24:16

Vicki...

0:24:190:24:20

..wait...

0:24:220:24:23

-Lindsay, what are you doing here?

-I thought I'd just pop down for a...

0:24:270:24:32

Hey, hey, what's wrong?

0:24:320:24:35

I've done it.

0:24:350:24:37

I've dumped Gervaise.

0:24:380:24:40

God, are you OK?

0:24:400:24:42

I'll be fine.

0:24:420:24:44

I think I can feel myself growing some more.

0:24:440:24:47

Listen...

0:24:480:24:50

Er...if you are single...

0:24:500:24:53

I couldn't live with myself if I didn't say that after you've

0:24:530:24:57

had some time and done the relevant healing, it be my honour...

0:24:570:25:00

Shut up, man!

0:25:000:25:02

Get on this...

0:25:020:25:04

Oh...

0:25:080:25:11

He's absolutely gorgeous.

0:25:110:25:15

(You can't stop staring.)

0:25:150:25:16

Oh, me first little grandbairn.

0:25:180:25:21

And, more importantly, my first great-grandbairn.

0:25:230:25:28

Howay, they've had enough tears today, these two.

0:25:310:25:35

Have you decided on a name yet?

0:25:350:25:37

Mam, Dad...meet Anthony.

0:25:400:25:42

Anthony!

0:25:420:25:44

Oh, that's lovely!

0:25:440:25:45

Anthony Joseph.

0:25:460:25:49

Joseph?! Aw, they've named him after you, Joe!

0:25:490:25:52

-Aye, great.

-Now, now, no tears!

0:25:520:25:56

They've had enough today, haven't they?

0:25:560:25:58

SHE CHUCKLES

0:25:580:26:00

I know I did you wrong, Vicki. I know I let my talent get in the way

0:26:100:26:14

of the magic that we shared but I vow this - I shall win you back.

0:26:140:26:18

HE SPITS

0:26:230:26:25

So, how does it feel being a dad?

0:26:260:26:28

I didn't want to say anything in front of Sarah, but

0:26:280:26:30

I'm terrified. I mean...

0:26:300:26:33

what if he doesn't make it? What if something happens to him?

0:26:330:26:36

JOE CHUCKLES

0:26:360:26:37

-Oh, that's funny now, is it?

-Son...

0:26:370:26:40

All that that you're feeling now, all that worry and all that dread...

0:26:400:26:44

-Yeah?

-..you're going to feel that every single second for ever.

0:26:440:26:48

Happiest day of me life.

0:26:480:26:50

He'll be the last thing you worry about at night and the first thing

0:26:500:26:53

you worry about in the morning.

0:26:530:26:55

And then, before you know it...you'll be paying for holidays

0:26:550:26:58

you don't want to go on.

0:26:580:27:00

There will be Christmases where you don't get any presents

0:27:000:27:03

and birthdays where you just stand in a corner and watch.

0:27:030:27:06

And the only time he'll truly understand how much you worry

0:27:060:27:09

about him is when you're stood here with him

0:27:090:27:11

like I'm stood here with you now.

0:27:110:27:13

BABY CRIES

0:27:200:27:22

And thank your lucky stars you had a boy.

0:27:220:27:25

Cos girls never leave home and they cost you a fortune.

0:27:250:27:28

Joe?

0:27:280:27:29

I've just had Vicki on the phone - she wants 20 quid for a takeaway

0:27:290:27:32

-for her and Lindsay.

-Very lucky you had a boy.

0:27:320:27:36

Sarah's asleep. They said we should go home and come back

0:27:360:27:39

and do some more staring in the morning.

0:27:390:27:41

Howay, your mum's out front flirting with the taxi driver.

0:27:410:27:44

-I might just stay and stare a bit longer.

-Oh.

-See if he does anything.

0:27:440:27:48

-He won't.

-I know.

0:27:480:27:50

And don't worry about his little face, it'll settle down eventually.

0:27:500:27:54

-Yours did, more or less!

-See you, pet.

0:27:540:27:59

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0:28:340:28:37

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