Episode 7 I Love My Country

# No hate, no fight Just excitation

# All through the night

# It's a celebration

# Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

# Yeah

# Give us your hands Give us your heart

# We're ready

# There's only one direction

# One world and one nation

# On television

# One plan, one star, one day

# Just gimme, gimme, gimme. #

Whoo!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Good evening, and welcome to I Love My Country,

the show which pays tribute to everything that makes Britain great,

from cold weather to warm beer.

And making the temperature soar this evening is our house band,

led by the wonderful Jamelia. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# One plan, one star, one day

# Just gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme

# Yeah! # CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Tonight we'll find out just how much our teams love this glorious nation

through a series of Great British challenges.

But to do that requires leadership,

which comes in the form of our two team captains.

More British than sausages and sunburn,

it's Frank Skinner and Micky Flanagan!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Joining Micky tonight, all the way from Walford,

but she's no square, it's the lovely Natalie Cassidy.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The wild man of CBBC's Deadly 60, Steve Backshall.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And a man who's done it all, from soap opera to Spandau Ballet.

Ladies, control yourself, it's Martin Kemp.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE That's Micky's gang.

And making up Frank's merry band this evening,

he ain't heavy, he's my Big Brother, it's Brian Belo.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Bending it like Beckham, it's the England striker

with over 100 caps, Kelly Smith. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And a rugby international with over 70 caps for Scotland,

who scored an incredible 20 tries,

but he never puts out the bins.

It's my husband, Kenny Logan! That's Frank's team.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Brian, you won Big Brother 8. Yes, Big Brother 8, in 2007.

Oh, that was a golden age, wasn't it? Golden years.

In case don't remember Brian, I'm sure you do,

what he's probably most famous for

is that you didn't know who William Shakespeare was.

Thank you for bringing that up. LAUGHTER

Have you Wiki-ed him since you came out the house?

Yes, I've found out certain things about him. OK. Like what?

He liked to wear a big collar. LAUGHTER

Now, as we know, a team is nothing without its supporters,

and tonight is no exception.

They'll be clapping, cheering and singing their hearts out

all in the hope of winning one of these.

It's the I Love My Country commemorative plate.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Look at that. Oh, yeah.

It's a thing of beauty.

Can I just say?

I'm loving having you two on the show. It's so cute.

No, he keeps looking at you.

Just like this. Ahh! Only because she told me to.

Jamelia, he's waiting to be told what to do.

That's what we do at home.

Rugby players love being called cute, don't they?

Really gees them up, that does.

Before the game they all go, "Oh, you look cute, you do."

LAUGHTER "Oh we're going to get right stuck in."

In the scrum, "All right, gorgeous?"

LAUGHTER

Kenny, I know nothing about rugby.

Excellent. Move back to your place.

OK. But I know you're a massive big star, because the host told me.

Yeah. She talks a lot of sense. She does. She's a fabulous woman.

You did well. I'm a bit confused, because red and white isn't...

You know, that's really my colour over there.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But Scotland have got an away jersey that looks a bit like this.

So I feel quite like I'm on both sides today. I'm feeling lucky.

Well, we're representing Britain here, so we're all...

I know you lot are trying to break away... Not me. Just stay with us a little longer.

I'm here forever.

If you do go, will you take the Royal Bank of Scotland?

Cos we can't afford it. LAUGHTER

OK, right. It's time to buckle up

and get this show on the road, literally.

This first round is called Celebrity SatNav,

where our guest must identify the names of three places in the UK,

before trying to locate them on our I Love My Country map.

Now, all that travelling is likely to work up an appetite.

So to help pinpoint the locations this week,

what better marker to use than this scrumptious Cornish delicacy?

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much, Tiffany. There you go.

This is the stargazy pie. Mmm.

It's called, I can tell you, the stargazy pie,

as the pilchards are poking out, looking up,

as if looking towards the stars.

I think the stargazing pie

was designed as a tribute to the late Patrick Moore

and when it's properly decorated, they each have a monocle.

LAUGHTER

What's the strangest thing you've ever eaten, Frank?

I had, um, scorpion. I had deep-fried scorpion.

Can you match that, Micky? I had live scorpion.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I had live squid, and they chop it up on the board

and it's all wriggly, like that, on the board.

Yeah, I know. I feel terrible about it now.

Hey, it's a great story. LAUGHTER

And when you eat it, you have to dip it in oil,

otherwise, on the way down, it gets a grip on your throat.

THEY GROAN Yeah.

OK, this is how it works.

Letters are going to appear on the screen.

You just buzz in when you know the UK location that's being spelt out.

Let's see where our SatNav is taking us first.

BUZZER Frank.

W-w-wors...Worsley. AUDIENCE GROANS

No. Too late, too late, too late.

BUZZER Yes, Steve.

Carlisle! It is Carlisle!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK, that's one point.

If you come over here, though, because for two extra points,

Steve, come here and get the pie.

You've got until the music stops, OK.

On you go. Good luck. Steve, look at this man.

MUSIC PLAYS Higher! Higher! Lower! Lower!

Down! Down!

Stop, Steve.

OK. No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

We don't have cheating in my house.

Come on, back up here. I'm feeling quite firm tonight.

So is Steve. OK, let's have a little look.

GROANING AND APPLAUSE We're going to give it you.

CHEERING Is that right?

So, ironically, by stopping you from cheating,

I helped you get the point there.

I thought I could see a bit of green in between the...

No, no, no.

Can't you do the old snooker referee thing?

Get out of town.

OK, Her Majesty's Theatre in Carlisle was the first theatre ever

to be lit by electricity in 1880.

How did that gig go in the end, Frank? LAUGHTER

Well, it started off all right,

but they didn't like my live squid material.

LAUGHTER

OK, let's have a little look at where we're going next.

BUZZER Steve?

Ballymoney. Yes, Steve!

Oh, you've been everywhere. You're really good. Well done.

OK, Steve. You know how it works.

My money's on you knowing where Ballymoney is.

Belfast.

MUSIC PLAYS

Up! Up! Keep going up.

Further up!

Up, up, up! Further! Yes!

There? There, OK.

You're there. All right.

Let's have a little look and see how you've done.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very good. Very impressive.

Ballymoney is a small town in County Antrim, Northern Ireland,

home to the world's oldest licensed distillery.

It's famous for producing Black Bush,

which is what Micky's barber calls his hair.

I wondered where you were going with that.

LAUGHTER

OK. We're heading for our final destination.

Let's see where we're going. Come on, Frank's team.

BUZZER Great Snoring.

CHEERING It is Great Snoring.

Do you snore, Gabby? Yes.

LAUGHTER Where is it? Where is it?

Micky, no! No more cheating, Micky. Come on.

I'm not cheating. You said they could help.

Yeah, when you get over here. Come on. Come on.

Oh, this is getting a bit... Getting a little bit...

It's the company way. We don't hang about, babe.

What's the matter with ya?

If you get a bit of info coming, you get it in early.

Don't hang about. The man might keel over.

Go on, Micky. Go and place Great Snoring on the map.

MUSIC STARTS

Come on!

CHEERING

There you go. Oh, quite a lot of pressure on that.

It turns out, we've got the Ordnance Survey annual do out tonight.

LAUGHTER Let's have a little look.

AUDIENCE: Oh!

Don't ever get a job with Eddie Stobart, will you?

God bless his soul.

So, after that pie-based excursion, the scores are as follows.

Frank's team yet to get off the mark, sadly.

Micky's team ahead on 7 points.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's early days. There's plenty of time to make it up.

You doing all right there, Kenny? Nice to get off to a good start, innit?

Kenny played for Scotland. He's used to being behind early on.

OK. LAUGHTER

OK, we've got some more music coming up now,

but there are still points to be won

in a very quick game we're cryptically calling Guess The Song.

In a moment our I Love My Country band are going to play a UK number one,

and the job of our teams is to buzz in

as soon as they've identified both the song title and the artist.

If you buzz in too soon,

then the points will automatically go to the other side. OK.

Let's hear it. MUSIC PLAYS

BUZZER It's me.

I know, I'm just amazed

cos I expected the answer to come from over here.

I meant because I thought Martin would get this.

Does she do this every time it's you, Kenny?

It was Gold by Spandoo Ballet.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hang on, hang on, hang on. It's called Spand-ow Ballet.

Spandau. That's what I said, Spandau Ballet.

Tomorrow I'm going to put on a video for my little boy

and it's going to be called Scooby Dooby Dow.

LAUGHTER

Indeed, it was Spandau Ballet's classic hit Gold. Well done, Brian.

During the '80s, Spandau Ballet were famous for their flamboyant

hairstyles and big hair, remember it? And the clothes, Martin.

Yeah. AUDIENCE: Woo!

Oh, yeah.

A friend of mine, his mate had a big mullet, you know the way it's cut,

and he always used to say,

"Business at the front, party at the back." LAUGHTER

OK, we're going to hear the rest of the song now,

and there's a bonus point on offer

for the supporters who Jamelia thinks sing the best.

So, you all up for it? AUDIENCE: Yeah!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I can never hear that too many times of an evening.

It was spoiled for me by the fact that

I was really doing the big swaying and the woman at the front

I heard say to her mate, "Sweat patches."

LAUGHTER

I was sort of watching their team and then glancing back at mine and

I don't think there's any point in even going to Jamelia for this one.

CHEERING

You were all fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.

But Frank's team, I'm sorry.

CHEERING

So I didn't even win with my own song? No.

Can I just say that some of my audience, fair play,

some of my people were sort of doing that Thunderbird type wave.

You know, like...

I'll have you know, Micky, that is the new, like, move.

Oh, well, I shall be doing it later.

I mean, I know how to paint the floor red and all that.

Paint the FLOOR red?! Paint the TOWN red.

Listen, you're either a party animal or a decorator.

Which one is it? LAUGHTER

OK, our next round is called Great Britons.

We've taken a selection of celebrities and mixed them together,

like a fame cocktail, to make just one person.

For example, if we took the face of the beautiful Natalie

and mixed it with the rugged good looks of Martin,

we'd end up with this.

LAUGHTER

How can someone so beautiful, like Martin, end up like that?

Every time I look at Natalie,

I think about the time on EastEnders when you gave birth.

LAUGHTER In front of 20 million people.

Yeah, that's true. And I struggle to go to wee in front of one.

OK. Frank, your team are going to go first this week.

I want you to identify the faces of these Great Britons.

LAUGHTER Coleen Rooney and Rylan.

Coleen Rooney and who?

Rylan. It looks like Rylan. John Barrowman.

Oh, John Barrymore. Is it? John Barrymore?!

Oh, John Barrowman. LAUGHTER

It couldn't be Wayne and Coleen, could it?

Isn't that Wayne's nose and ears? Oh, yeah.

Are you going for a Rooney mash-up? Is that what you're going for?

We think it... We think it's a Mr and Mrs Rooney mash-up.

Let's have a look and see if you're right.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well done, you got two points there.

Now, Kelly, you are a football superstar, aren't you? Erm...

No, you are. Come on. Sometimes.

She's a legend! You played for Seton Pirates. Seton Hall.

And you were so brilliant, they retired your number when you left.

Yeah, it's a thing that they do in America.

Yeah, they did it with Pele. The idea is that you were...

you're so irreplaceable, no-one else should wear your number.

I think that's fab. It's quite an achievement, right? It is!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And it's a bit of a coincidence, because they retired my number

at Smethwick Supplementary Benefit Office when I got work.

Now, you played for Arsenal Ladies.

CHEERING And I feel actually quite at home,

because I've got red and white behind me.

I feel like I'm in the stadium. My team, my fans are behind me.

CHEERING

Do you think it's a bit old-fashioned that they're called Arsenal Ladies?

"Ladies" sounds like such an old fashioned word, instead of Arsenal Women.

Somebody said to me... No, I think I prefer "ladies".

Do you? Yeah, it's more proper.

If someone said to me, "Have you seen Arsenal Ladies?"

I'd say, "Yes, it's the third door on the left, mate."

LAUGHTER See? Doesn't seem right.

I love Kelly, she's great. APPLAUSE

OK. Our next cunning fusion, Micky's team.

LAUGHTER

Right, we know one definitely. Definitely.

We know one's definitely Paul Daniels.

Got it? We're good. I think we're ready.

Yeah? Oh, yeah. I think we're ready, yeah.

Tommy Cooper. Right. And Miranda.

OK. Let's have a look and see if you're right.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Tommy Cooper and Miranda Hart.

What a midwife she'd make.

She'd deliver the baby "just like that!"

Frank, this is your next pair.

It's Micky! Oh, it's Gary Barlow.

Gary Barlow. Yeah, Gary Barlow. Is that Gary Barlow?

So it's Cheryl Cole and Gary Barlow. You break it up.

Yeah Cheryl Cole and... My team, Kelly in particular,

are convinced that it's Gary Barlow and Cheryl Cole.

Let's have a little look and see if you're even close.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK, over to you, Micky's team.

Let's have a little look at your beauty.

Julie Goodyear, that's the hair.

Or it could be... Who's the fellow who plays...

Paul O'Grady? Paul O'Grady.

No, it's definitely Julie's eyes, isn't it?

Yeah. Paul O'Grady and Julie Goodyear.

OK, Let's have a little look. Come on!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Frank's team. It's your final pair.

LAUGHTER Now, that's brilliant.

Is it Trevor McDonald? Trevor McDonald.

Trevor McDonald and Moira Stuart.

Moira Stuart, yeah. You're going for Trevor and Moira.

Yeah. Come on, Moira.

Trevor McDonald and Moira Stuart.

OK let's have a look and see if you're right.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And finally, Micky, this is your Great British pairing.

LAUGHTER

HE IMPERSONATES BRUCE FORSYTH I think we've got an answer...

Once I go Brucie, we'll be here for hours.

HE IMPERSONATES BRUCE FORSYTH

You know what's scary, though? It actually looks like...

no mash-up at all but Richard Branson a little bit.

LAUGHTER Yeah.

Well, Brian saw the collar and thought it was William Shakespeare.

LAUGHTER

OK. We are going to go for Camilla Parker-Bowles and...Brucie.

Let's have a look and see if you're right.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK. At the end of that round, let's see what it's done to the scores.

Frank's team have 9 points.

Micky's team are ahead on 16 points.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 16 points!

Time for some more music now.

Jamelia is going to sing a well-known Take That song.

Teams, buzz in when you know both the song

and the name of the British romance fantasy film it was written for.

Jamelia, over to you.

# You light... #

BUZZER Too early.

Natalie! Hot fingers!

It's...it's If I Ruled the World, Rule The World.

And it's Stardust, the film.

She's spot on. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I think it's a lovely song.

Do you like Take That? No? No, I despise Take That.

Really? Oh, you're not going to like tonight's mystery guest.

LAUGHTER

I wouldn't go and see Take That if they were playing in my kitchen.

And I live in an open-plan flat. LAUGHTER

I love Take That.

And whenever I come back into London on the train,

as I get off, I always start singing,

# Never forget where you're coming from. #

That was really good. Yeah, it's not bad, is it? Yeah.

If this don't work out, X Factor, man.

OK, well, I like it

so I think we should hear a bit more of the song, Jamelia.

And, teams, there's an extra point on offer

for the supporters who sway along the best.

Right, come on.

APPLAUSE

OK, Jamelia. I could see your eyes darting around.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Who were the best swayers? Micky's or Frank's?

There was a lot of... I don't know what you call it,

a lot of friction going on over here.

You didn't really get it together. Our of sync? Out of sync, yeah.

Yeah, out of sync. So definitely Micky's team this time.

CHEERING

Can I say, I'm really proud of my people

for not being able to sway to Take That?

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

"My people"? Yeah. They're your people?

They're my people, aren't you? CHEERING

The People's Republic of Frank.

I like it. Yeah, maybe we can # Rule the world. #

LAUGHTER

Now, Britain is famous for its parties,

from the Jubilee to the Monster Raving Loonies.

And here on I Love My Country, we're no different.

It's time to play The Party Game.

# Let me entertain you

# Let me entertain you. #

We're having a lovely time at our party, aren't we?

Oh, it's marvellous. Perhaps not Kenny, though.

Because on Kenny's lap is the present nobody wants.

In three minutes and 19 seconds

the whole thing is going to self-destruct.

I'm going to ask a series of questions.

Get the question right and you just pass it on - it's as simple as that.

Get it wrong and you're stuck with it until you get a question right.

The team who are left at the end holding the present

when it self-destructs will get nothing.

The other team get all the points.

It's a massive round.

Let's start the clock.

In Scotland, a Tam o'Shanter is usually worn on what part of the body?

Head. Yes. Moving on. Harry Styles is a member of which boy band?

BOTH: One Direction.

In 2006, Belfast City Airport was renamed after whom?

George Best. George Best. Moving on.

APPLAUSE

What does this road sign mean, Brian?

Erm, motorbikes overhead. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I don't drive, I can't. It took me seven attempts to pass my theory.

Motor vehicles prohibited.

Who was the first Englishman to circumnavigate the globe?

Erm, Christopher Columbus.

No, Sir Francis Drake.

Where was rugby invented?

It's in the name, it's in the name, it's in the name.

When? No, where? Where? Wales.

LAUGHTER No.

In the nursery rhyme, Rub-a-dub-dub, who were the three men in a tub?

Pass, Brian! Pass.

The butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker.

What does the abbreviation PAYE stand for?

Oh, that's payment. Pay.

Pay? Pay as you go.

LAUGHTER

Pay as you earn.

Go on, Gabby. Hurry up.

It's all right, Brian, you're good at this.

Who came runner-up in the first series of Pop Idol?

Oh! Gareth Gates! Yes!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

According to legend,

which 18th century highwayman rode a horse called Black Bess?

Dick Whittington. No, Dick Turpin.

In an emergency, what number do you call for the coastguard?

Pass. 999. Is it?!

What is JK Rowling's first name?

Oh, my God...

No, it's not. It's Joanne.

Whip-Ma-Whop-Ma-Gate is the shortest street in which Yorkshire City?

I DON'T KNOW!

LOUD BANG

APPLAUSE

Honestly, that is the most panicking thing.

Did your brain just completely...? It just goes.

I'm just thinking, "It's going to go at any minute."

And the JK Rowling one, that was obviously Joanne.

Even I knew that.

Brian, Brian! What's even worse is that he beat me.

I've got to live that one down, haven't I?

I did and all. LAUGHTER

OK, Natalie got caught with the present,

so all the points go to Frank's team.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Let me entertain you. #

Kenny, you haven't looked as surprised as that

since I told you I was pregnant with twins.

That was a good look.

OK, let's have a little look at the scores so far.

Frank's team has 15 points

and Micky's team just ahead on 16 points.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

My lot have stopped cheering and they're just...

They're in despair.

Come on, Frank's supporters.

We want to win the plates!

These are people that don't have plates!

OK, let's have one more bit of music.

Buzz in when you know the song

and the name of the British band that made it a hit.

BUZZER

Everybody In Love by JLS.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

How did you know that? You know nothing about music.

Also, you said earlier you were dyslexic

but you were all right with JLS.

LAUGHTER

Frank, Frank, that's because he got his sofa from there.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK. Television is full of repeats,

but the truth is, some things are worth watching again

and again and again.

Which is part of the reason for the next round, As Seen On TV.

We play in a clip of a great British television moment

and players have to answer a question about what they've just seen.

We're going to start with the youngsters, Brian and Natalie.

I want you both to take a little look at this clip. OK?

I like the Geordie accent and I think you should never be ashamed

of your accent or where you come from.

Howay. He's a worky ticket. A worky, worky ticket.

If they can understand Simon Cowell, they can understand her.

I can't even understand meself speak, so that makes sense.

LAUGHTER

OK. Your question, Brian and Natalie,

is what news story were those people...

BUZZER Natalie.

You've got to get in there. Sorry, Gabby. Yeah, go on.

I believe they were talking about Cheryl Cole

going over to US X Factor, and the rumour being that her Geordie accent

couldn't be understood.

You couldn't have said that more precisely. Thank you.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK. Let's move on to Kelly and Steve.

I want you both to have a little look at this clip.

It's from The Weakest Link, featuring our very own Brian Belo.

In prisoner-of-war camps during World War II,

what T was the kind of underground passage

that was frequently dug as a means of escape?

Herbal tea. LAUGHTER

Nearly. Tunnel.

LAUGHTER

That was The Weakest Link presented by Anne Robinson.

But for two points, Kelly and Steve, who did Anne Robinson

try to banish to Room 101 for being irritating and annoying?

BUZZER Yes, Steve.

The Welsh. You are absolutely correct.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Can I just say that Jamelia was on Room 101.

I was. And what did you put in?

I put... I put mornings in. It was...

Morning? Mornings, yeah.

Because, basically I was just saying,

who decided that we had to...

Like, that morning had to be morning?

Like, that it had... OK. Let me start again.

For instance, why can't we start everything at, like, 12?

Wouldn't that be easier for everybody?

Yeah, it was a tough night that night on Room 101.

LAUGHTER OK. Let's stay with the Welsh theme.

Kenny and Martin, I want you to take a look at this clip

of former Welsh Secretary John Redwood

singing away to the Welsh national anthem.

# Ei gwrol ryfelwyr

# Gwladgarwyr tra mad

# Dros ryddid collasant eu gwaed. #

LAUGHTER

That was John Redwood singing the Welsh national anthem,

Mae Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau.

But for two points, can you tell me what that translates to in English?

BUZZER Yeah. Kenny? No, don't look to them.

Erm, happiness. That means happiness, does it? OK.

The Ken Dodd song?

That would be brilliant with the Welsh team!

# Happiness, happiness

# The greatest gift that I possess. #

LAUGHTER Why not start it like that?!

Kenny, believe it or not, that's incorrect.

I know it now. It's come back to me. It's called Land Of My Fathers.

Oh, well, it's... Hang on a minute. Hang on a minute.

APPLAUSE It's all coming back to me.

Hang on, hang on. Did somebody tell you that? No.

I mean, "It's all coming back to me now"?!

Jamelia. Sometimes I have an issue that I can't resolve myself.

I suspect a little bit of foul play has gone on over here. Yeah.

What would you do, Jamelia? Well, in all honesty...

Oh, well, actually, let me just backtrack first.

I really love you. I really do. LAUGHTER

There's a "but" coming now, isn't there?

No, no, no. But he is an actor.

Like, a professional actor. So I wouldn't trust him. APPLAUSE

So would you just not give anyone the points?

No, I just... Yeah, just not give.

But the longer it took, the more it was coming back.

And I just thought, Land Of My Fathers.

As you said, it is Land Of My Fathers.

But the way you achieved that answer is not legitimate for the game.

So no points anywhere.

Finally, in this round, it's the turn of our captains,

Frank and Micky.

Now, we all know that over the years

Wimbledon has been unkind to us Brits.

From the trials of Tim Henman

to the agony of Andy Murray losing the final.

But nothing has been more painful than this.

We're going where the sun shines.

# Going where the sun shines... #

Going where the sea is blue.

# We're going where the sea is blue

# We've seen it in the movies

# Let's see if it's true. #

THUNDERCLAP

It looks like rain's stopped play. Oh, no!

So, Frank and Micky, I want you both to put on Cliff Richard costumes.

Oh, no! And lead your teams in a sing-song...

No, no, no! ..to keep us all entertained here.

Why don't I get Kurt Cobain or Elvis? Cliff!

You're going to be singing Summer Holiday. The lyrics...

Do you know the life I've led? I cannot be Cliff.

David Dickinson!

Cheap as chips. Ooh!

Jamelia, you're going to award the two points

to your favourite Cliff lookalike, OK?

We'll all join in too.

# We're all going on a summer holiday

# No more working for a week or two... #

Come on! # Fun and laughter on a summer holiday

# No more worries for me and you

# For a week or two. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Can I just say that when I was on the Graham Norton Show,

I met Cliff Richard backstage,

and you never know what to say to people, do you?

And I looked at him and I said,

"So where did you go on that holiday in the end?"

LAUGHTER Jamelia, you were judging that.

Who was the best Cliff? Micky, I thought you were fantastic.

Yeah?

I was also paying attention to your supporters. Oh, here we go.

And you've got a real grumpy-guts on your team there.

He didn't want to participate.

He was really letting your side down. So I'm saying...

Frank's won. ..that Frank has won.

CHEERING AND BOOING

Let's have a little look at how that has affected the scores.

Well, Frank's team are on 17, but Micky's are ahead now on 23 points.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But now that can all change because it's time to play The Big Wheel.

# You spin me right round, baby

# Right round

# Like a record, baby Right round, round, round. #

Gabby, can we stop calling it The Big Wheel?

You know, it's hardly the London Eye over there.

On the wheel there are lots of points up for grabs.

If your team gets a question right, your captain will then get

to spin the wheel for a chance to win some of those points.

Micky's team, you're leading, you're going to answer first.

And the question is, how many rooms are there in Buckingham Palace?

Ah. Oh, let me think. How many times have I stayed there?

What room does she put me in?

Martin, have you been? Yeah, I've been.

Is there anyone here who works at the palace? Martin's been, Micky.

I've been, but I can't tell you how many rooms there are there.

Ever been there? Ever met the Queen?

No. I've met the Queen. I have met the Queen.

When? When I was 11, I met the Queen.

She came to Basildon Council to open up our new clock.

I was sitting in Basildon Council with all the other councillors

and she came through and then she went to me, "Oh, hello," like, "How are you?"

And she went, "Oh, I'm very nice."

And she was like, "Oh, are you a councillor?" I was like, "I'm 11."

LAUGHTER

We're still working out how many rooms are in Buckingham Palace.

We've come up with an answer with the assistance of a kind gentleman in the building.

Who's that? With the yellow hat here.

He's the man here. Oh, yeah.

He claims to believe that it's 620.

Right. And who am I to challenge a man in a yellow hat?

They're going 620, Frank. Where are you going?

More or less?

I've found a lady in our team.

If you pass that along to the lady in the spectacles

she was very confident.

So what's your name? Rebecca.

How many rooms are there in Buckingham Palace? 872.

APPLAUSE

I'm thinking maybe we should save the applause until we get the answer.

But that's... We're saying higher.

Frank's saying more. You're saying 620.

I can tell you there are...

775 rooms in Buckingham Palace.

APPLAUSE

It's, of course, now Frank's turn to come and spin the wheel.

Give it a huge spin, Frank.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

FAIRGROUND MUSIC PLAYS

A measly three, which I believe ties the scores.

With two more questions left...

We're going to move on to our second question now

and, Frank's team, you get to answer this first this time.

Now, earlier we saw Cliff Richard singing on Centre Court

at Wimbledon back in 1996.

But tell me how many portions of strawberries

were eaten at Wimbledon in 2012?

Rebecca? Portions of strawberries..

How many people go? It must be more than that.

A day, a day. A day, so you're looking...

But it's a fortnight. So that's... So it's 280. 280.

That's what you are saying. 280,000 people.

Frank, how many? We think... We think...

320. We think 320,000.

You think 320,000. OK.

What you talking about? Er...

Micky's team, I'm going to have to get an answer.

More or less? We are going more. You think more.

More than that, yeah.

The people of Wimbledon love their strawberries, yeah.

When Cliff starts singing, you go and get strawberries.

LAUGHTER

I can tell you, the correct answer was...

142,000 portions of strawberries.

Come and spin the wheel!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Frankie, Frankie, Frankie, Frankie!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Don't despair, Micky's team.

People dreaming of plates.

Because to keep things interesting for the last question,

we've introduced two new possibilities to the Big Wheel,

as you can see this time.

You can score 100 points, or you could end up losing everything.

AUDIENCE GROANS

Because Frank's team are leading going into the last question,

your team gets to answer first.

But it's a question, as always, with a difference.

Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome tonight's special guest, Lloyd Scott MBE.

APPLAUSE

Lloyd, tell everybody here what you're famous for.

Completing the 2002 London Marathon

wearing this 140lb deep-sea diving suit.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

140lb, this.

There you are. And you did it all for a very good cause, didn't you?

Yes, yes, I did it for a children's cancer charity.

Have you been underwater in it?

Yeah, I actually did an underwater marathon in Loch Ness.

The world's first underwater marathon.

Took me 12 days to walk from one end of Loch Ness to the other.

And did you see anything suspicious in there?

Only two fish, which means something might have eaten them all.

So there's something big killing them off, yeah.

LAUGHTER

How many people were doing that marathon, or was it just you?

Funnily, just me on the day, yeah. OK.

LAUGHTER

How much did you raise? In total, with all the things I've done,

I've raised over £5 million now for charity.

£5 million!

Well done, Lloyd.

OK, so Frank's team are in the lead on 43 points.

Micky's team on 23.

So, Frank's team, you get a chance to go first with this question.

The question is... In 2002, how long did it take Lloyd Scott

to complete the London Marathon in his 140lb diving suit?

How many? 42?

22? I don't think it would take... I don't think it would take that long.

You think? 12. 12 days.

Let's split the difference. No, 12. 13.

We've decided to fly in the face of superstition and say 13 days.

You're saying 13 days?

13 days, Micky. Higher or lower?

AUDIENCE CHATTER

What do we think, guys? Does anyone know this?

Does anyone know? Let's go higher.

OK, um... Let's go higher, go higher. OK.

After much discussion, we're going to go higher.

Lloyd, tell us, how long did it take you?

No, I absolutely whizzed round in five days, eight hours,

29 minutes and 46 seconds.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a lot of love to Lloyd Scott.

Thank you very much.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Come on, Frank. Come on, Frank's supporters. Spin the wheel.

WHOOPING AND CHEERING

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Lucky seven.

Which means Frank's team are the winners on 50 points!

They pick up the coveted

I Love My Country commemorative plate this week.

That's it for tonight's show.

Thanks to Jamelia and our house band, Brian, Kelly, Kenny, Natalie,

Steve, Martin, Frank and Micky, and all the supporters in the studio.

And, of course, you at home.

We ALL love our country! I'm Gabby Logan.

Thank you and good night.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd