Episode 5 Just a Minute


Episode 5

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Transcript


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Welcome to Just A Minute!

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APPLAUSE

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Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

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Thank you!

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Hello. My name is Nicholas Parsons,

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and as the Minute Waltz fades away it's my huge pleasure to welcome you

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to this special edition of Just A Minute

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from BBC Television Centre.

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This year Just A Minute turns 45 and as a special birthday treat,

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we've taken over your television screens.

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So without further ado, please welcome to the show

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four talented performers.

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They are seated on my right, Paul Merton and Josie Lawrence.

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And seated on my left, Jason Manford and John Sergeant.

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Please welcome all four of them!

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APPLAUSE

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Players will try to speak for just a minute on the subject I give them.

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They will try and do that without hesitation, repetition or deviation.

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The other panellists can challenge at any time they wish,

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and if I uphold the challenge,

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they gain a point and take over the subject.

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If not, the person speaking gains a point, and keeps the subject.

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The person speaking when the whistle goes,

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which tells us 60 seconds have elapsed, gains an extra point.

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By the way, they can repeat the subject on the card.

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Paul, would you take the first subject?

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Tell us something about that subject in this game.

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60 seconds, as usual, starting now.

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Once upon a time is the traditional beginning of many a fairy story.

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Once upon a time there was a princess

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who lived in a magic forest.

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She was young, 22, nobody else could see her,

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she bathed naked in the lagoon. Her, her...

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BUZZER

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LAUGHTER

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Sorry, I was completely lost it. Where were we?

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Who are these people?

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-You talked about her being naked and you went!

-I was gone.

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-Your own vision destroyed you, didn't it?

-Yes, I'm happy with the vision.

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-Josie, you challenged.

-It was hesitation.

-It was, my darling.

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You have a correct challenge. You get a point for that.

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There are 44 seconds still available.

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Once Upon A Time, starting now.

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Once upon a time always conjures up an idea of magical places.

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When somebody says, in a dulcet tone, "Once upon a time" to me,

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I feel compelled to grab the nearest pillow and suckle on my thumb.

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BUZZER

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LAUGHTER

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-John, you've challenged.

-Technically, you can't suckle on your thumb.

-No.

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I've tried it, and it just does not work!

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LAUGHTER

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Yes, but you're not me, and I can suckle.

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-She's got a thumb full of milk.

-Yeah.

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No, within the rules of Just A Minute in grammar and language,

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I would be inclined to agree with you, John.

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You can suck your thumb but not suckle on your thumb.

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BOOING

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Hooray!

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John, you have a correct challenge and the subject Once Upon A Time.

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There are 28 seconds available, starting now.

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Once upon a time is a phrase I have to use for my four grandchildren

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because they want me to read a story.

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The trouble is once I say...

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BUZZER

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-Josie's challenge.

-Oh, no. Sorry.

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I thought it was a repetition of "once",

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but of course it's in the title. I apologise, John.

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It's in the title, and you can repeat the title or words in the title.

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So, John, an incorrect challenge and a point to you.

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20 seconds still available, starting now.

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When I say, "Once upon a time" to my grandchildren...

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BUZZER

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-There we are. Paul?

-Repetition of grandchildren.

-You've got too many grandchildren.

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I was thrown by the interruption,

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I thought the audience wouldn't understand that I had grandchildren.

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-I don't think that's fair.

-I think they believe you.

-Really?

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But I'm too young, aren't I(?) To have grandchildren.

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It's not fair, it suckles.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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You know what I like to do in this game

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when someone gives a wonderful remark like that and gets applause,

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I give a bonus point for that.

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Paul, you had a correct challenge and you have 16 seconds

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to tell us more about Once Upon a Time. Starting now.

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Once upon a time there was a small girl called Goldilocks

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who was making her way through the woods,

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she came upon a cottage, knocked on the door, walked in,

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saw three bowls of porridge laid out on the table,

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she thought to herself, "I don't think much of this as a buffet!"

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WHISTLE

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APPLAUSE

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Buffet is a good word.

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As I said before, in this game

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whoever is speaking when the whistle goes gains an extra point.

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On this occasion it was Paul Merton.

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And the situation is very fair at the end of the first round,

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Paul Merton, Josie Lawrence and John Sergeant have got two points.

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Jason Manford has yet to speak. Oh, you have spoken!

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I'm just taking it all in, working it out. Wait till I go, my God.

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I'll give you point after point after point.

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That would be repetition. Don't do point after point after point.

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LAUGHTER

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Jason, we'd like you to begin the next round.

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The subject is Turning Into My Dad.

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60 seconds, as usual, starting now.

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Well, over the years

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I've found myself turning into my dad on many occasions,

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whether it be phrases that I'm using around the house,

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such as, "If you're cold then put a jacket on."

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"Turn these lights off, it's not Blackpool illuminations."

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I have found myself only recently sitting in the car

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waiting for my wife to get ready for a night out,

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thinking that would make her move a little bit faster.

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Of course, it didn't, and beeping the horn only annoys the neighbours.

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BUZZER

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-Paul's challenged.

-A bit of a hesitation.

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A definite hesitation I would have said,

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-that's the first time you've actually spoken.

-Yes.

-Very good.

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APPLAUSE

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How long was that?

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Was that about eight seconds?

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That felt about two and a half minutes, was it not?

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-No, it was 31 seconds.

-31 seconds is great.

-I'll take that.

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You've picked him up on a hesitation. Correct challenge.

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-Turning Into My Dad, starting now.

-Turning into my dad is a phenomenon that...

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BUZZER

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Jason challenged.

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I thought it was turning into MY dad?

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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-Er, no, it wasn't, actually.

-Sorry, I thought it was about my dad.

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I thought, "That sounds nothing like my dad."

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I'll tell you what I'll do,

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-because we enjoyed your interruption, I'll give you a bonus point.

-OK!

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I'll take it.

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Paul, you have another correct challenge. 29 seconds starting now.

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Teenagers were only really invented in the 1950s,

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before that you were expected to dress like your parents

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as soon as you could reasonably be expected to do so.

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-So a boy of six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

-Expected, expected...

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BUZZER AND LAUGHTER

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-Jason, you challenged.

-Yeah, for repetition.

-Of expected?

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Of, er, what you said.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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That's what I thought!

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Jason, you may not have played the game much, but you were quick then(!)

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It's funny how quick you pick it up(!)

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So that was a correct challenge of repetition,

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so you have a point for that, 19 seconds,

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and you take back the subject of Turning Into My Dad, starting now.

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One way I know I'll never turn into my dad

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is because he's so good at getting rid of spiders out the bath,

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and I'm still...

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BUZZER

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Spiders AT the bath, I mean, what sort of English is that?

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LAUGHTER

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-I never said that!

-At the BAR, OK...

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-He said, "out".

-I said "out" the bath!

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-Spiders out of the bath!

-I think you're being regionalist, John!

-You said "baff", for a start!

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-Out of the bath! I'm just northern.

-Really(?)

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LAUGHTER

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I've never heard anyone say that before, but I don't travel much.

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LAUGHTER

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You've never travelled north of Watford, obviously!

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You didn't understand the North Country, did you there, John?

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LAUGHTER

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Jason, you have an incorrect challenge.

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-OK.

-So you keep the subject. You've got another point, of course.

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Turning Into My Dad, you've got 11 seconds, starting now.

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When getting rid of insects in our house, I have to shout the wife.

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-Josie?

-I'm afraid he's already said wife.

-Your wife came in before.

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I've got two of them, though!

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LAUGHTER

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-Even if you had four, it would still be repetition.

-OK!

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So, Josie, you had a correct challenge.

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You've got the subject of Turning Into My Dad

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and there are seven seconds, starting now.

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Of course, I am a lady so it would be physically impossible for me

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to find myself turning into my dad, although I have got...

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WHISTLE

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APPLAUSE

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So Josie Lawrence was speaking when the whistle went

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and gained that extra point.

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She's now out in the lead with Paul Merton

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and John Sergeant, we'd like you to begin the next round.

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The subject, I'm sure this is up your street(!)

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LAUGHTER

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60 seconds, starting now.

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BUZZER

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LAUGHTER

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-Hesitation!

-Is that fair?

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AUDIENCE: No!

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-I don't think it's fair, is it?

-You're right(!)

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Let's abandon the way of playing the programme for 45 years,

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so that John can feel comfortable in what's being done.

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-Well, that's very generous of you Paul.

-Absolutely. Let him have it(!)

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To be fair, as a regular TV viewer,

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I definitely would prefer to hear John's version of reggae.

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LAUGHTER

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So, John, they're giving it to you, so you have a point.

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You have Reggae, still.

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You haven't got it yet because you haven't started!

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You have 58 seconds... Are you ready, John? Starting now!

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Reggae was always a rather frightening subject for me,

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I was going through a phase where I was trying to be a West Indian

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tough, cool guy.

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When people said reggae in those days you had to say, "Yeah, man."

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After a bit, I found this rather tedious because I hated the music

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and there was no point in pretending, so what I did then

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was to not say anything like that I would say something like "hmm."

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BUZZER

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Josie's challenged you.

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-A repetition of "say".

-Yes, you said "say" twice.

-Say?

-Yes.

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People say things and they say other things, don't they?

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-In just a minute if you repeat the word.

-Say?

-Yes, S-A-Y.

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I think we should change the rules after 45 years

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and let John keep the subject.

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LAUGHTER

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This is a very tough business!

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LAUGHTER

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-Josie, do you want John to carry on with Reggae?

-Oh, no. I want the part.

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Right, Josie, a correct challenge.

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You have 36 seconds available, still. Reggae, starting now.

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Reggae is such sexy music.

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I think it's the off-beat rhythm that does it for me.

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The twang of those guitars.

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My favourite was always Bob Marley and the Wailers.

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No woman, I didn't cry!

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I was jamming in my kitchen to the rock steady beat!

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Or, going down to Electric Avenue to meet my other friends.

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The trouble with reggae is it's quite difficult to dance to

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unless you are a cool person and I am not.

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You have to have really bendy, soft...

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BUZZER

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-Jason challenged.

-I think Josie is a cool person!

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LAUGHTER

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-It's incorrect.

-She's proving it now, isn't she?

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-Shall we give him a bonus point for speaking?

-Yes!

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Jason, you've not played it before, we'll give you a bonus point,

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-but Josie gets a point because she was interrupted.

-Yes, sorry.

-Five seconds still, Josie.

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With you on reggae, starting now.

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Let's all go to a party and dance to a rocksteady beat!

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-We had rocksteady and dance before.

-Yes, we did, yeah.

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Paul, you got in with two seconds to go.

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You haven't won any friends in the audience, but you've won a point.

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LAUGHTER

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You've got two seconds on Reggae, starting now.

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Bob Marley, Peter Tosh and Bunny Whaler made up...

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WHISTLE

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APPLAUSE

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So, Paul Merton was speaking then when the whistle went.

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That gets him an extra point, equal with Josie in the lead.

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Closely followed by Jason Manford and John Sergeant, in that order.

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Josie, we'd like you to begin the next round.

0:12:160:12:19

The subject is My Nemesis.

0:12:190:12:22

Tell us something about My Nemesis in this game, starting now.

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My nemesis was a girl named Judy.

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Now, please remember that name

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because hopefully it will never be repeated.

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I remember my nemesis being beautiful.

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-Paul has challenged.

-You said remember twice.

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-Remember that name and "I do remember".

-I did!

-You did.

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-Otherwise I wouldn't have pressed the button.

-I don't believe it.

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LAUGHTER

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-I did. I said remember, twice.

-You did, yes.

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Otherwise I wouldn't have pressed the button!

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-All right! Don't play with the point!

-We're caught it a time loop.

0:12:530:12:57

-What did I do?

-I had to press the button!

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Paul, a correct challenge and you have 48 seconds.

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My Nemesis. Starting now.

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My nemesis was a man who had exactly the same name as me at school,

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he went by the nomenclature of Paul Martin

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and that was what I was really called when I was born.

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I had to change the letters

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that acquired the description of me when I...

0:13:180:13:21

BUZZER

0:13:210:13:22

-Jason challenges.

-Was there like a made up name there somewhere?

0:13:220:13:25

-Some sort of hesitation?

-No, Jason.

-It sounded like you went...

0:13:250:13:28

HE BLEATS

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LAUGHTER

0:13:290:13:31

I didn't cross species!

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I was panicking but I didn't cross species.

0:13:320:13:35

There are occasions where I give the benefit of the doubt, and I will give the benefit of the doubt to Paul.

0:13:350:13:40

If I can redress the balance sometime later I will do it for you,

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but right now, Paul, you have the benefit of the doubt.

0:13:440:13:47

You have 33 seconds, My Nemesis, starting now!

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I suppose if you do have a nemesis it's important to realise

0:13:490:13:53

who he or she may be,

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because you could be indulged in normal social chitchat at a party, without realising the person

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is standing in front of you in hu...man form.

0:14:010:14:03

BUZZER

0:14:030:14:05

LAUGHTER

0:14:050:14:07

-In human form.

-Yes, trying to change it from something to something else.

0:14:070:14:12

-Josie, you challenged first.

-Yes, hesitation.

0:14:120:14:14

We'd call it hesitation. Josie, you have 18 seconds.

0:14:140:14:17

You take back the subject of My Nemesis, starting now.

0:14:170:14:21

My nemesis was better at everything apart from acting.

0:14:210:14:25

At school I excelled...

0:14:250:14:27

-Oh, Jason challenged.

-Repetition of "school".

0:14:270:14:30

Yes, you mentioned school when you were talking before.

0:14:300:14:33

SHE SOBS

0:14:330:14:35

I wouldn't cry, darling, you are only one point behind.

0:14:350:14:38

You know what? I bet she's enjoying this!

0:14:380:14:41

LAUGHTER

0:14:410:14:43

Jason, you had a correct challenge.

0:14:430:14:45

You cleverly got in with 13 seconds to go on the subject of My Nemesis.

0:14:450:14:49

Starting now.

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My nemesis was a young man at school called Clifford Frame,

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who had very hairy arms from around the age of 11.

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I was always jealous of, er, these limbs.

0:14:590:15:01

BUZZER

0:15:010:15:03

-Josie challenged.

-Hesitation.

-I think there was.

0:15:030:15:05

-You went "...of, er, limbs".

-And you cleverly got in with two seconds to go, Josie.

-Oh!

0:15:050:15:10

So, two seconds, tell us more about My Nemesis, Josie,

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starting now.

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My nemesis one day, decided to...

0:15:160:15:18

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:15:180:15:19

APPLAUSE

0:15:190:15:22

So, Josie Lawrence speaking as the whistle went,

0:15:230:15:26

gains an extra point and she's now taken the lead

0:15:260:15:29

one ahead of Paul Merton and then Jason Manford and John Sergeant following in that order.

0:15:290:15:34

Paul, we'd like you to begin the next round.

0:15:340:15:37

The subject is...

0:15:370:15:42

60 seconds, as usual, starting now.

0:15:420:15:45

What lives at the bottom of my garden is a secret underground

0:15:450:15:49

network of spies devoted to overthrowing this country.

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I wandered down

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to the end of my garden and listened to their secretive plans

0:15:530:15:56

being hatched under the moonlit sky.

0:15:560:15:59

Their chief ambition is to replace Eamonn Holmes with a huge

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animated puppet that acts like the real thing, but doesn't eat as much.

0:16:040:16:08

LAUGHTER

0:16:080:16:10

This is extraordinary, because the very foundation of British journalism

0:16:100:16:14

is built on the career of this wonderful man.

0:16:140:16:16

If he was to become something else that we couldn't trust,

0:16:160:16:21

then I'm sure, the people of Great Britain would say,

0:16:210:16:24

"The news has changed.

0:16:240:16:27

"It's not what it was. What has happened to our esteemed Ulsterman?

0:16:270:16:31

"There's something about him that isn't the same as..."

0:16:310:16:34

BUZZER

0:16:340:16:36

-Jason challenged.

-I think repetition of the word same.

0:16:360:16:39

-That's right, you did say same before.

-I'm sure I did, yeah.

0:16:390:16:42

-"He's not the same," you said.

-That's right.

0:16:420:16:44

But you went for 50 seconds.

0:16:440:16:47

AUDIENCE: Aahh!

0:16:470:16:49

APPLAUSE

0:16:490:16:53

And you get a point, of course, Jason.

0:16:530:16:56

10 seconds. What Lives At The Bottom Of My Garden, starting now.

0:16:560:17:00

What lives at the bottom of my garden is my brother, in the shed.

0:17:000:17:05

We let...

0:17:050:17:05

BUZZER

0:17:050:17:08

Josie challenged.

0:17:060:17:08

I would say hesitation but there wasn't.

0:17:080:17:10

So, Jason, you're still there, with an incorrect challenge,

0:17:100:17:13

another point to you, Jason,

0:17:130:17:14

and What Lives At The Bottom Of My Garden, starting now.

0:17:140:17:17

My sibling finished university around two years ago

0:17:170:17:21

and decided that he didn't want to actually pay...

0:17:210:17:23

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:17:230:17:25

APPLAUSE

0:17:250:17:26

Jason Manford was speaking as the whistle went,

0:17:280:17:31

gained an extra point for doing so and his situation

0:17:310:17:34

is that he's now equal with Paul Merton in second place.

0:17:340:17:38

Josie Lawrence are still in the lead, one ahead. Jason...

0:17:380:17:41

It's your turn to begin

0:17:410:17:42

and the subject is...

0:17:420:17:44

Oh, a lovely one...

0:17:440:17:46

Tell us something about that great comic and magician.

0:17:460:17:50

60 seconds as usual, starting now.

0:17:500:17:51

Tommy Cooper is one of my absolute heroes in comedy,

0:17:510:17:55

alongside Les Dawson and Dave Allen and Billy Connolly.

0:17:550:17:58

He's a prop comedian, a...

0:17:580:18:01

BUZZER

0:18:010:18:02

-Josie challenged. Hesitation, I'm afraid.

-There was, yes.

0:18:020:18:05

-You tried to remember his props.

-I did.

0:18:050:18:08

-Go on, do him for us.

-I thought about doing him,

0:18:080:18:11

but his phrase is, "Like that, and it's like that," but that's repetition.

0:18:110:18:14

I wouldn't be able to do.

0:18:140:18:16

LAUGHTER

0:18:160:18:17

-Everyone feels like they can do it.

-So, Josie, a correct challenge,

0:18:170:18:21

you get a point for that, of course. You take over the subject,

0:18:210:18:24

Tommy Cooper, 50 seconds, starting now.

0:18:240:18:26

The wonderful Tommy Cooper, the man with the fez. You know,

0:18:260:18:30

a mate of mine, Sandy, who's a make-up artist, used to work on all

0:18:300:18:34

his shows and she said he had one of the biggest faces she's ever seen.

0:18:340:18:38

What a wonderful visage. You only have to look at Tommy and you laugh.

0:18:380:18:43

But his jokes are wonderful and he was a brilliant magician.

0:18:430:18:47

One of my favourite jokes was,

0:18:470:18:49

"I've just been to the dentist. There's nothing wrong with my teeth but my gums have to come out."

0:18:490:18:54

LAUGHTER

0:18:540:18:55

BUZZER

0:18:550:18:57

APPLAUSE

0:18:570:19:01

Paul, you challenged.

0:19:010:19:03

Repetition of ha!

0:19:030:19:04

LAUGHTER

0:19:040:19:08

-You forgot you were meant to keep going!

-I did.

0:19:080:19:11

I love it that you told the joke, you tell it again,

0:19:110:19:15

-and you laughed just as loud.

-I know, I'm stupid!

-No, it's good.

0:19:150:19:19

No, you're lovely. Paul, correct challenge.

0:19:190:19:21

20 seconds still available. Tommy Cooper, starting now.

0:19:210:19:24

I watched Tommy Cooper's last television appearance

0:19:240:19:26

Live At Her Majesty's, I think it was called, 1984.

0:19:260:19:29

I was watching the programme with...

0:19:290:19:31

BUZZER

0:19:310:19:32

John, challenge.

0:19:320:19:33

-Two watchings.

-Two watchings, yes.

0:19:330:19:36

-Watching.

-Two watchings, yes.

0:19:360:19:39

-You were watching him, watching this.

-I was watching you, you watching him.

0:19:390:19:42

It's all wrong, Paul.

0:19:420:19:44

I've got to just... get you back on track.

0:19:440:19:48

John...

0:19:480:19:52

-Can I bring you back into the game?

-Yes!

0:19:520:19:55

And you had a correct challenge. You get a point for that.

0:19:550:19:58

The subject is Tommy Cooper, 13 seconds, starting now.

0:19:580:20:01

Tommy Cooper was a wonderful comedian and a brilliant magician.

0:20:010:20:05

It wasn't just the phrase - "just like that", it...

0:20:050:20:07

BUZZER

0:20:070:20:09

Josie, challenge.

0:20:080:20:09

-Repetition of just.

-Oh, yes, terrible!

0:20:090:20:13

-It wasn't just the phrases, "just like that."

-Well listened, my love.

0:20:130:20:17

APPLAUSE

0:20:170:20:21

And so you've gone back in.

0:20:210:20:24

Was that showing me how to play the game?

0:20:240:20:26

LAUGHTER

0:20:260:20:28

I must... "Just, just..."

0:20:280:20:32

two justs, one after the other, as quick as that!

0:20:320:20:34

That's where me timing's...

0:20:340:20:37

"Just, just..."

0:20:370:20:39

Josie, six seconds still available, Tommy Cooper, starting now.

0:20:390:20:44

One of the best sketches was the hat sketch.

0:20:440:20:47

BUZZER

0:20:470:20:48

-Jason, challenge.

-Sorry, It was the sketch thing, sketches and sketch.

0:20:480:20:53

-That's right.

-I've learned that, now.

0:20:530:20:56

It doesn't matter. Josie gets another point.

0:20:560:20:59

Three seconds still available. Tommy Cooper, starting now.

0:20:590:21:02

What an adorable man...

0:21:020:21:04

BUZZER

0:21:040:21:05

-Paul, challenge.

-You did have man before.

-You did have man before.

0:21:050:21:08

AUDIENCE GROANS

0:21:080:21:11

Do you remember?

0:21:110:21:13

LAUGHTER

0:21:130:21:14

(FEEBLY) Yes, I remember.

0:21:140:21:16

She remembers, she remembers.

0:21:160:21:18

Paul, you've got in with one second to go.

0:21:180:21:20

And one second, Tommy Cooper, Paul, starting now.

0:21:200:21:24

One of the great comedians...

0:21:240:21:26

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:21:260:21:28

Let me give you the situation at the end of that round.

0:21:350:21:38

Josie Lawrence is still in the lead. She's two ahead

0:21:380:21:41

of Paul Merton and more ahead of Jason Manford

0:21:410:21:43

and John Sergeant in that order.

0:21:430:21:47

Josie, the subject is...

0:21:470:21:50

Tell us something about those, starting now.

0:21:510:21:53

In the olden days when a wage could be little more than a farthing,

0:21:530:21:57

pound shops were very expensive establishments.

0:21:570:22:00

But now they're the best places for bargains,

0:22:000:22:03

an Aladdin's cave, a cornucopia of treasures.

0:22:030:22:07

Grab your plastic basket and walk down those brightly lit aisles.

0:22:070:22:11

Cranberry scented candles,

0:22:110:22:14

batteries for my household needs,

0:22:140:22:17

a jumbo roll of clingfilm,

0:22:170:22:19

Christmas decorations,

0:22:190:22:22

a glowing Madonna on laminated cardboard,

0:22:220:22:25

all for a pound!

0:22:250:22:27

I have £20 in my purse. I'm rich.

0:22:270:22:30

Look, over there! Binliners,

0:22:300:22:34

mint flavoured hand wipes,

0:22:340:22:36

toothpaste, shampoo and up there plastic chrysanthemums...

0:22:360:22:40

BUZZER

0:22:400:22:42

APPLAUSE

0:22:420:22:44

I love pound shops!

0:22:470:22:50

I love pound shops!

0:22:500:22:52

Paul, what's your challenge?

0:22:520:22:54

-JOHN:

-You can't get everything you need!

0:22:540:22:56

Sorry, I think John's trying to run a minicab business while we're on air.

0:22:590:23:02

"He's outside, outside the door. He's ringing the doorbell.

0:23:020:23:06

"I'll be with you, Nicholas. He's ringing the doorbell."

0:23:060:23:09

Times are getting hard, are they?

0:23:090:23:11

I thought we were allowed to comment

0:23:110:23:13

on how well Josie had done and what it revealed about Josie's life.

0:23:130:23:16

-I thought that was part of it.

-Go on.

0:23:160:23:19

It did reveal a rather extraordinary interest in these horrible stores.

0:23:190:23:24

LAUGHTER

0:23:240:23:25

-John, she loves them, you don't like them.

-No, I don't.

0:23:250:23:28

That's because he's never been to the north.

0:23:280:23:30

That's where they all are.

0:23:300:23:31

LAUGHTER

0:23:310:23:33

He goes to guinea shops!

0:23:330:23:34

"Everything here's a guinea. Wow!"

0:23:340:23:39

So where do you go to? Harrods? Fortnum and Mason's?

0:23:390:23:42

The very best places! You say, "Here's a pound", I go, "What's that?"

0:23:420:23:46

I've never seen one of those. Cheap!

0:23:460:23:50

John, despite you calling me cheap,

0:23:500:23:52

I still want you to grab my hair and drag me across the floor!

0:23:520:23:56

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:23:560:23:58

I think that deserves a bonus point, don't you?

0:24:020:24:05

AUDIENCE: Yes!

0:24:050:24:07

So, Paul, you challenged. What was it?

0:24:070:24:10

I wrote it down because I was in danger of forgetting it.

0:24:100:24:12

-Repetition of plastic.

-That's right, yes.

0:24:120:24:15

You mentioned plastic before. Paul, you got in, nine seconds to go.

0:24:150:24:18

Pound shops, starting now.

0:24:180:24:21

Josie obviously loves these pound shops. I've wandered in on occasion,

0:24:210:24:24

but I don't actually find much in there that I like.

0:24:240:24:27

I prefer staring through the window.

0:24:270:24:30

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:24:300:24:31

APPLAUSE

0:24:310:24:34

So...

0:24:370:24:38

BELL TINKLES

0:24:380:24:40

That delicate little bell

0:24:400:24:43

is to tell us that we only have time for one more round.

0:24:430:24:46

AUDIENCE GROANS

0:24:460:24:48

Jason, it's your turn to begin.

0:24:480:24:50

The subject is...

0:24:500:24:51

What a wonderful subject. 60 seconds, as usual... oh,

0:24:530:24:55

before we go into the round, you'd like to know the situation.

0:24:550:24:58

Josie's in the lead, two ahead of Paul,

0:24:580:25:00

and she's four to five ahead of Jason Manford

0:25:000:25:03

and even more ahead of John Sergeant.

0:25:030:25:06

And before we go into the final round,

0:25:070:25:09

give John Sergeant a bonus point because he needs it.

0:25:090:25:12

I don't need charity!

0:25:140:25:17

You're probably not going charity shops, either.

0:25:170:25:20

Jason, the subject is David And Goliath.

0:25:200:25:23

60 seconds, starting now.

0:25:230:25:25

David and Goliath, of the Bible,

0:25:250:25:28

two famous chaps who didn't get along.

0:25:280:25:31

They had a massive fight,

0:25:310:25:33

which I would've liked to have seen. David was three-foot-four, Goliath 12-foot-8.

0:25:330:25:37

David had a slingshot with a stone in it

0:25:370:25:40

which he aimed right in the centre of Goliath's head.

0:25:400:25:42

He went down, and David went over and chopped his head off,

0:25:420:25:45

which for me, is a bit harsh.

0:25:450:25:48

He's already won the match and he's ruined it for the spectators.

0:25:480:25:52

David and Goliath could also refer to any sort of situation where

0:25:520:25:56

somebody small is facing somebody big, or...

0:25:560:25:58

BUZZER

0:25:580:26:00

-Paul, challenge.

-Couple of somebody's there.

-Yes.

0:26:000:26:02

Small and big. I loved your interpretation.

0:26:020:26:05

-He wasn't three-foot-nothing, David.

-No, he wasn't.

0:26:050:26:08

-He was five-foot-eight.

-Goliath was a giant,

0:26:080:26:10

-but he was normal size.

-Goliath was six-foot-eight at the time,

0:26:100:26:14

but in the repeated telling of the story he's now eight-foot-three,

0:26:140:26:18

so we keep adding a couple of inches, but that's men for you!

0:26:180:26:22

-I think David was just standard height.

-I think he was.

0:26:220:26:26

But, Paul, you made a correct challenge. You have the subject of David And Goliath,

0:26:260:26:30

26 seconds, starting now.

0:26:300:26:32

Of course in the Bible, David isn't the fancied man at all.

0:26:320:26:36

Goliath is so huge.

0:26:360:26:38

It's about winning against overwhelming odds,

0:26:380:26:40

perhaps we can also see parallels in the story of the tortoise and hare.

0:26:400:26:43

One animal clearly designed for speed

0:26:430:26:46

and the other one ambling along.

0:26:460:26:48

BUZZER

0:26:480:26:51

Josie, challenge.

0:26:490:26:51

-Repetition of one.

-Yes, the other one.

-Oh, yes.

0:26:510:26:54

Well listened, Josie. 10 seconds to go.

0:26:540:26:56

David and Goliath, with you, starting now.

0:26:560:27:00

Now imagine the scene.

0:27:000:27:02

Poor giant, Goliath, has been asked by his mates to go out there

0:27:020:27:06

and fight with a little bloke.

0:27:060:27:09

So he's in a bit of a no-win...

0:27:090:27:10

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:27:100:27:11

APPLAUSE

0:27:110:27:14

So, Josie Lawrence,

0:27:150:27:17

speaking as the whistle went and gains an extra point.

0:27:170:27:21

And now it remains for me to give you the final situation.

0:27:210:27:24

John Sergeant who did very, very well,

0:27:240:27:26

but he did finish in a very strong fourth-place.

0:27:260:27:31

Jason was just ahead, one point ahead, Jason Manford. Did very well.

0:27:310:27:34

He hasn't played the game before.

0:27:340:27:37

Paul Merton, played quite often, in second place

0:27:370:27:39

but three points ahead of Paul was Josie Lawrence.

0:27:390:27:43

So, Josie, you are the winner today.

0:27:430:27:45

APPLAUSE

0:27:450:27:48

It only remains for me

0:27:500:27:51

to say thank you to these four fine players of the game.

0:27:510:27:55

It's goodbye from the delightful audience at Television Centre,

0:27:550:27:58

goodbye from me, Nicholas Parsons,

0:27:580:28:00

and join us again, the next time we play

0:28:000:28:02

Just A Minute!

0:28:020:28:04

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:040:28:05

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:310:28:32

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