Episode 4 Life's Too Short


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Episode 4

During messy divorce negotiations, Warwick asks Ricky and Stephen for personal advice. Meanwhile, he seeks election as chairman of the Society of People of Small Stature.


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Transcript


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Hello, Dwarves for Hire.

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'My name is Warwick Davis.

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'I'm an actor...'

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-He smells.

-I think you'll find it's the bin.

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'An entrepreneur...'

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Signed DVDs of The Office, only 30 quid.

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-'Soon to be divorced...'

-I wanted to be a nurse.

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Do we really need any more nurses?

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'Oh, and I've got a massive tax bill...'

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Would you be better off dead? Yes!

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This programme contains some strong language

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I'm out flat-hunting this morning.

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Got tired of crashing with friends.

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I'm 41 years old, I need a new crib.

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Estate agents will always try and screw you.

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Now, you want them to think they need you a lot more than you need them.

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You know, if they say, "Nice place, isn't it?", you go, "Hmm, not sure."

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Even if it's perfect, always find a problem. You understand?

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Yep.

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This is how we'll play it.

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You're my right-hand woman and you ask all the questions.

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It'll seem like I'm too important even to talk.

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No-one knows what I'm thinking.

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As far as the estate agent's concerned, I'm just some cool dude with short arms and deep pockets.

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Yeah.

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Lovely, isn't it?

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Yeah.

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No.

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No?

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No, but it's him you've got to please.

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What do you think?

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No-one knows what he's thinking. He doesn't even know what he's thinking.

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-I know!

-He knows. For him to know and you to find out.

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And don't charge him too much,

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cos he's got tiny little arms and so he can't reach his pockets.

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That's not what I said. I said that, oh, er...

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I've got short arms and deep pockets.

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-Shall we have a look round the rest of the flat?

-Mm-hmm.

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Problems.

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-What?

-Find a problem, remember?

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Sorry, I can see some problems.

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Problems? Like what?

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Er, oh, um...

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This corner here, sharp corner.

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What if he, um, runs into that while he's playing?

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-Playing?

-Playing.

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Well, no, what, what she means is, is, is that I...

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I'm a player, you know, like a playboy player, yeah?

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But don't worry, there'll be no trouble.

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Settled down now, respectable, no more chasing the girls.

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He was always chasing the girls.

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-Mm-hmm.

-Was he?

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Yeah. But not in a scary little rapey way.

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And he wouldn't do anything if he caught them.

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I mean, there's nothing of any importance he could reach on a girl, anyway.

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Unless they fell over while he was chasing them, then he could touch them everywhere.

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-Weren't we're having a look round?

-Yeah.

-Shall we just...

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-Oh, there's a kitchen.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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It's all mod-cons.

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Fan-assisted oven.

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OK.

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Fridge freezer, very big, lots of room.

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-Is this microwave radioactive?

-Sorry?

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Are microwaves radioactive?

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-What's that?

-That's a drainer for plates.

-Oh!

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Do you like your job?

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It's great, especially when you're showing flats like this.

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-At the point that we do take the house...

-Mm-hmm, the flat, mm-hmm.

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..do you think that, um, at any point we'd be able to have

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some kind of, like, moving in, kind of ceremony?

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Do you mean like cutting the ribbon at the door?

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No, I mean like a ceremony, a kind of blessing of the flat.

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Yes, I'm sure that would be... that would be fine.

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-Here's another problem.

-What?

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-Look, problem. Hey, look, flag it up.

-Oh.

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Um, excuse me, I've found another problem.

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What's that?

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Can you see the problem here? He's, um, too short.

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No, I'm not too short, it, it's too high.

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For you. It's fine for us, look.

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Yeah, well, you won't be living here will you? It'll have to be changed.

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Yeah, sure, sure.

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-Sorry, would you mind if I just use the toilet?

-Yep.

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Thank you.

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Well, go on.

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-Got a nice little communal garden here.

-Yeah, this is really nice.

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It's quite private, nobody comes out here, all busy working.

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I tell you what. You know, um, if we get, um, this place sorted properly?

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Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

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Er, we could get some tracks down and, er,

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we could have a little sports day event for him

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and his friends, for Warwick and his friends.

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-Yeah, that's a great...

-Do some relay races.

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Yeah. Yeah.

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-Um, anything. We could do hopscotch.

-Yeah.

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You don't get any sort of, like, things in here that are going to eat him or anything?

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No, no, no.

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-No.

-It's fine, it's very, very safe.

-But I mean, are you sure?

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-You've got the exit over there.

-It's my job to make sure it's safe.

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Cheryl!

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What?

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Oh! Ow! Fucking, pissing sock now.

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Get here and help me down!

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Jeez, I've been trapped in 'ere ages. Fucking... Oh!

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Oh, I've been trying to get your attention. Get out! Don't look!

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You getting all this? Don't shut the door!

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Oh!

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I'm doing this round table meeting at Sue's request.

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She's started divorce proceedings.

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I can't afford a lawyer, so I'm being represented by my accountant.

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HE SNIGGERS

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-Warwick?

-Mm-hmm.

-Ian Walt. Nice to meet you.

-Hello.

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I'm Sue's solicitor, Ian Walt. And you are?

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He's MY solicitor.

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HE LAUGHS.

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Not really, he can't afford a solicitor. I'm his accountant!

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I have to advise you,

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you really should retain a proper qualified solicitor.

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-He studied law as well.

-Yep, one term at the University of Bolton.

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Haven't heard of that school. Did it used to be a polytechnic?

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No, I think it used to be a launderette!

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No, seriously, it was a shit-hole, but I wasn't cut out for law, anyway.

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Too hard!

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You know what I'd like to do? You know those big rigs you get in America?

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I'd like to get behind a wheel of one of them and just drive across country,

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and sort of imagine myself driving along, and seeing an old shack,

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and driving straight through it, and wood and chickens

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flying everywhere and people shouting, "Hey look at that guy!"

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Sorry, sorry. Can you just put your dreams on hold for now and focus on this?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry.

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Um, so what's the usual split? About half and half?

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Well, that's what we're here to negotiate.

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Yeah, gotcha, yeah. Erm, so...

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'I'm not seeing this as a final chapter.

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'I'm seeing this as a chance to listen to her complaints,

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'make amends and start again.'

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Depending on what the complaints are. If it's leaving the toilet seat up, fine, won't do it again.

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If it's, "Must try harder in the bedroom," forget it. I couldn't.

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I've been working me bloody socks off, love. I'll have a coronary.

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Any more effort on my part and you'll open your eyes to a dead dwarf slumped on you.

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There's loads of jobs I'd like to do before accountancy.

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River police.

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How do you get into being river police? I'd love to do that.

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"Oh, what's that? Dead body."

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Get it out, it's a tramp. "Has he been murdered?

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"Looks like it. He's been raped."

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We don't know.

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-So Sue says you're a famous actor.

-Well, you tell me.

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I've not heard of you. Are you famous?

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-Yes.

-Sue says you've been in some films?

-Some films?

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Have you heard of Star Wars and Return Of The Jedi?

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-Yes.

-Yeah. The Harry Potter films, you heard of those?

-Yes.

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-And, er, have you heard of a film called Willow?

-No.

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-No?

-No, I've never heard of Willow. Were you in that?

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I was the star of that, yes.

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-No, I've never heard of Willow.

-Right.

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-Not many people have. It was not a success.

-It was a success!

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-Not really.

-Return Of The Jedi was a success. I was in that.

-What were you in that?

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-I was an Ewok.

-So your face was covered up?

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-Yes, it was...

-I don't remember seeing you in Harry Potter, either.

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Yeah, I was Professor Flitwick.

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-You couldn't really see his face.

-If you'd seen Willow, my face was in that.

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As I said, I've not seen Willow, or heard of it.

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-No.

-And as I said, no-one has, so don't feel too bad.

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Have you heard of a little show called The Office?

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-Were you in that?

-No, but I was in Extras, made by the same blokes.

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Oh, I didn't see it.

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-Didn't you?

-Oh, I didn't like it.

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It was just a sitcom where famous people popped up as themselves.

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I must be pretty famous or they wouldn't have had me in it.

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Yeah, it wasn't clear if you were supposed to be famous. Did they mention your name?

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You were a prop, basically you were a prop.

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Sorry, why are we discussing my CV?

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Can we just get back to this?

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We are still trying to lobby the Government to fund

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our community outreach programme, and some people have asked me how you can get involved.

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Well, we do need some volunteers to leaflet outside Parliament this Saturday.

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Oh, yeah, that reminds me, actually.

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Never mind doing something for no money, that won't change anything.

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I'm looking for a couple of volunteers, cos my lot

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have got a bit militant lately and, er, I've got a gig this Saturday, Students' Union,

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£150 cash-in-hand.

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Yeah.

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All it is, is you're a human bowling ball, basically.

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You're in your pants, you're greased up, slung along the floor by some pissed-up students.

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-Easy money.

-Warwick, sorry.

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I don't think this is the right place to recruit for that.

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It's perfect, there's loads of dwarves here.

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What I mean is you're the Vice-Chairman.

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You're a spokesperson for little people, yet when we're trying to get things like dwarf-tossing banned

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from rugby clubs and university rag weeks,

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you're the one hiring out those dwarves to be thrown.

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I want people to see a little person, wonder if he's a doctor or a lawyer,

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not wonder which cannon he's going to be fired from today.

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'The trouble with Anthony Braden is he's giving little people false hopes.'

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I've seen him say to young dwarves in there, "Oh, you can be an astronaut or a doctor."

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No, they can't, they're too small. Not going to be a doctor.

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Can be a proctologist, maybe.

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Then he'll be on his high horse again, "No, why can they only be proctologists?"

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Cos the only thing they can reach is the arse. And I'll have all these disillusioned dwarves

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crawling back to me, "Oh, don't want to spend me days doing that, I want to be in the movies."

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Well, no, you're too late, you had your chance, now get back to those arses.

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Warwick, it worries me that maybe you're not

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the best spokesperson for our community and for our needs.

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Maybe you're not the right person.

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Maybe there's a grass roots uprising that says the old guy's lost it,

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let's have some new blood.

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-Maybe I should be the Chairman.

-Everyone's entitled to run for this position.

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Let's do it, then.

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I hereby declare myself running for office

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and I second that.

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You can't second yourself.

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No?

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All right, then, who seconds me? Come on.

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See?

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They don't know what time of day it is.

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I'll second you, Warwick.

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-Really?

-Yes, and we'll let democracy decide

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with a vote next week.

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Well, will they decide, though? I mean, will they remember?

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Are they even awake?

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Sorry to bother you. Can I get a picture?

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Yeah, sure, anything for a fan.

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-Fan?

-Yeah.

-Fan of what?

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Fan of me.

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Why? Who are you?

0:12:400:12:41

Warwick Davis, obviously, famous actor.

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Well, if you don't know who I am, why do you want a picture?

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It's funny, isn't it? A dwarf carrying a box. You don't see that round here.

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-Actually, do you mind if I film you?

-Why?

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-Cos that's even funnier!

-No, it's not funny.

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Oh, yeah, it does look funny, actually. Sorry, um, we're filming.

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-We're not filming.

-Yeah we are, it's running. Are you moving in round here?

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-I'm having second thoughts.

-We'll be neighbours.

-Excellent. Still filming, are you?

-Yeah.

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THEY LAUGH

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Oh, that is so going on YouTube!

0:13:090:13:12

-Definitely!

-Not definitely, no.

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Hello again. Sorry, what's your name again?

0:13:510:13:54

Ian Walt.

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Oh, Ian. Nice to have you here in my house.

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-You don't live here any more.

-It's still my house, though.

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So you enjoying it, then? Enjoying the house? Enjoying my house?

0:14:010:14:05

-It's lovely.

-Good.

0:14:050:14:06

What did you want?

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I just popped round to, er, to get, um...

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my baseball cap.

0:14:110:14:12

Gift from Mr Ron Howard.

0:14:120:14:14

Who's Ron Howard?

0:14:140:14:16

-The director of Willow.

-Oh, I've not seen it.

-Yeah, you said. I'll get you the DVD.

0:14:160:14:20

Sorry, are you wearing slippers?

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Yes.

0:14:270:14:28

Is it normal to be round a client's house doing paperwork wearing slippers?

0:14:280:14:32

Everyone's different.

0:14:320:14:33

What lawyer wears slippers? I've just never seen that before.

0:14:340:14:38

On LA Law they didn't wear slippers. Perry Mason never had slippers on.

0:14:380:14:42

Even in Ironside he never had slippers, and he was in a wheelchair.

0:14:420:14:45

He didn't even need shoes and he still wore shoes.

0:14:450:14:48

You should probably get going, then.

0:14:480:14:50

Yeah. Yeah, I'm going. Um, you leaving, too, Ian?

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No.

0:14:540:14:55

Just "no"? No more information? Just leaving soon or...?

0:14:550:14:59

What difference does it make if he's going now or later?

0:14:590:15:02

Because we're both drivers, so, you know, let's drive.

0:15:020:15:07

Shall I, shall I just wait outside for you?

0:15:070:15:09

No need.

0:15:090:15:12

Shall we...?

0:15:120:15:14

Not forget this.

0:15:140:15:16

-Really haven't got long, I'm afraid, Warwick.

-No.

0:15:300:15:33

We've got a Skype call coming through and it's...

0:15:330:15:36

-Great.

-Well, what can we do for you?

0:15:360:15:39

Advice, really.

0:15:390:15:41

Right.

0:15:410:15:42

I'm a bit worried about my wife and her lawyer.

0:15:420:15:45

I think there might be something going on.

0:15:450:15:47

What, the lawyer who's representing your wife while she sues you for divorce?

0:15:470:15:51

-Yeah, that's the one.

-See my point? I don't know why you care any more.

-OK.

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Slippers.

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In what way?

0:15:580:16:00

-PHONE CALL FROM COMPUTER

-Oh!

0:16:000:16:02

-Hi, Steve.

-Hello.

-How's it going man?

0:16:020:16:05

-(Steve Carell.)

-Thanks for doing this.

0:16:050:16:07

You obviously got my email about the guest appearances.

0:16:070:16:10

I'm not just saying this

0:16:100:16:12

because I've got a financial stake in the show.

0:16:120:16:15

I really think it'd be good for your career to do the occasional guest appearance in The Office.

0:16:150:16:20

Obviously you can still do your films as well.

0:16:200:16:22

Of course. But, you know, if you did agree to even infrequent guest spots,

0:16:220:16:27

the network said they would guarantee two more seasons,

0:16:270:16:32

-um, which is obviously incredibly lucrative, er...

-For everyone.

0:16:320:16:35

Yeah, yeah. Um, you know what, let me think about it.

0:16:350:16:38

I will definitely consider it.

0:16:380:16:40

-Cheers, man.

-Great.

-Brilliant.

0:16:400:16:42

We're in LA Thursday, if you want to do dinner and have a chat.

0:16:420:16:46

Oh, yeah, that sounds great. I'd love to.

0:16:460:16:49

-Brilliant. See you then.

-See you.

0:16:490:16:51

-OK, good, see you later.

-Bye.

-Bye.

0:16:510:16:53

I must say, makes me laugh a bit that he's a household name

0:16:530:17:00

because of the show, and now I've got to beg him to do the odd guest spot.

0:17:000:17:03

He should be begging me. Luckiest fucking actor in the world.

0:17:030:17:07

Yeah.

0:17:070:17:08

You still there, Steve?

0:17:100:17:11

Yeah.

0:17:110:17:13

Sorry, man. I, I thought I'd... I thought I'd hung up.

0:17:130:17:16

No.

0:17:160:17:18

No, you didn't.

0:17:180:17:20

I just turned the screen off, I thought I'd hung up.

0:17:210:17:25

I'm really, um...

0:17:250:17:26

Do you still want to do dinner?

0:17:260:17:28

Mm, no.

0:17:280:17:30

Be awkward, wouldn't it?

0:17:310:17:33

Yeah, it would be.

0:17:330:17:34

-Will you think about the guest appearances?

-Er, no.

0:17:340:17:38

-Dead in the water, that one.

-It is, definitely dead. There's no way that's going to happen.

0:17:380:17:43

-OK, cheers.

-Bye, then.

-Bye.

-Bye-bye, now.

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Why was he listening?

0:17:530:17:55

I'll tell you why he was listening - cos he's an actor,

0:17:550:17:59

and like all actors he's a little, paranoid,

0:17:590:18:04

insecure, little fucker.

0:18:040:18:06

Are you still listening, Steve?

0:18:090:18:11

I am, I am still listening to you talking.

0:18:110:18:15

OK. You shouldn't be listening, not if we're not friends any more, mate.

0:18:150:18:18

-OK.

-Steve, before you go, I'm a big fan.

0:18:180:18:22

Hey, that's really nice, thanks.

0:18:220:18:25

You could always hang up this time, to make absolutely sure.

0:18:250:18:30

-That's true.

-OK. Bye.

0:18:300:18:33

-He's gone.

-Is it off?

-Yeah, definitely. I was pressing the wrong thing.

0:18:330:18:37

-Love Steve Carell.

-Do you?

-He's terrific. Yeah. Everyone loves him.

0:18:370:18:41

-Not really, no.

-Most do.

0:18:410:18:43

Idiotic thing to say. With six billion people on the planet,

0:18:430:18:46

how are they all going to love one person?

0:18:460:18:48

A lot of them do. Look at the American Office.

0:18:480:18:51

What is it, ten million viewers it gets?

0:18:510:18:53

-Ten million...

-Watching him.

-..tune in and see my name on the credits.

0:18:530:18:56

-They watch it for him, though.

-Not really.

0:18:560:18:59

It wouldn't exist without me, and HE wouldn't exist without IT.

0:18:590:19:02

Ipso facto, I don't know what you're talking about.

0:19:020:19:04

Well, he's got likeability, though.

0:19:040:19:06

He's a popular chap. You're more of an acquired taste.

0:19:060:19:09

Not everyone's into everything you do.

0:19:090:19:11

My accountant, right, absolutely hated Extras.

0:19:110:19:14

Just thought it was a sitcom where famous people pop up as themselves.

0:19:140:19:18

I'm just saying not everyone's into everything you do.

0:19:230:19:25

Sorry, I've forgotten why you're here, again.

0:19:250:19:28

Maybe it's the fact that I've just lost 20 million on the new syndication deal.

0:19:280:19:32

But go on, remind me.

0:19:320:19:33

I was talking about my wife and her lawyer. How can I be sure there's nothing going on?

0:19:330:19:37

You can't. You're getting a divorce. Move on.

0:19:370:19:40

I mean, what are you going to do, camp outside the house,

0:19:400:19:43

spying on them like Inch High Private Eye?

0:19:430:19:45

Yeah, you know, you're right. I'm being silly.

0:19:470:19:51

All right?

0:20:110:20:12

Cosy.

0:20:130:20:14

Slippers.

0:20:150:20:17

Warwick.

0:20:170:20:19

-What?

-What are you doing here?

0:20:190:20:20

Just want to get some of my belongings.

0:20:200:20:22

Like what?

0:20:220:20:24

Like my...

0:20:240:20:27

Oh, yeah, my award there, from Guts.com.

0:20:270:20:31

One of the internet's most respected horror movie websites.

0:20:310:20:34

What did you win?

0:20:340:20:36

Best Actor, and Best Supporting Actor in an independently funded British horror movie.

0:20:360:20:40

Is it possible to win Best Actor AND Best Supporting Actor?

0:20:400:20:43

Yeah. Yeah if you play both Midge, the loveable children's clown,

0:20:430:20:47

AND his lycanthropic Siamese twin.

0:20:470:20:49

What, you don't know what that means, do you?

0:20:510:20:53

Lycanthropy, yes, it means he changes into a wolf. You played both parts?

0:20:530:20:57

Yeah, it's easy.

0:20:570:20:59

When they were both normal, I played both characters using a split-screen effect.

0:20:590:21:03

When one of them changes into a wolf they just strapped me to a dog.

0:21:030:21:07

What was the film called?

0:21:070:21:08

-Weredwarf.

-Haven't seen it.

-What HAVE you seen?

0:21:080:21:11

Sorry, just, sorry. Do you really need this award right now?

0:21:110:21:14

Yes, I do.

0:21:140:21:16

-Would you like me to get it down for you?

-No.

0:21:160:21:19

-I can get it.

-No. It's, it's fine, I can manage.

0:21:190:21:24

You all right?

0:21:510:21:54

Mm hm.

0:21:540:21:55

Cool.

0:21:550:21:58

Oh! Ah! Oh, oh!

0:22:220:22:29

Agh!

0:22:290:22:30

Warwick, for goodness sake, just let me get it down for you.

0:22:300:22:34

It'd have been fine if it'd been on that shelf. I don't know why it's that high up, it's ridiculous.

0:22:340:22:39

Would you want me to put it on that shelf?

0:22:390:22:41

Were you going to put it on that shelf, anyway?

0:22:410:22:43

Yes, I was going to put it on that shelf later.

0:22:430:22:46

Well, if you're going to put it there anyway, then put it there now, of course.

0:22:460:22:49

Oh, for goodness sake! I can't reach it.

0:22:490:22:52

Can I ask Ian to get it for me?

0:22:540:22:55

Well, if he just hands it to you, yes.

0:22:580:23:02

Can you just hand this to me, please, Ian?

0:23:020:23:04

Sure.

0:23:040:23:06

-There you go.

-Thank you.

0:23:090:23:10

Right. Put it where you want to put it.

0:23:110:23:14

Right. I'm putting it there.

0:23:140:23:16

Oh, good. It's on that shelf now, that's where it is.

0:23:160:23:20

Go, carry on with your tea.

0:23:200:23:21

Right, good.

0:23:210:23:25

Um, what did I come for?

0:23:250:23:27

Um, oh, yeah. There it is, I'll just take that. Good.

0:23:270:23:31

See you.

0:23:310:23:33

If you re-elect me, one of my main priorities will be to make the SPSS

0:23:390:23:45

a practical resource for training,

0:23:450:23:48

for support, for information.

0:23:480:23:51

And now I urge you to use your votes wisely. Thank you.

0:23:510:23:56

APPLAUSE

0:23:560:24:00

OK, good. Well, you've heard his speech. No comment on that.

0:24:030:24:09

Um, you know I can get you anything you want,

0:24:090:24:12

but let me show you what I can do, right?

0:24:120:24:15

Who remembers Right Said Fred? Yeah? Had a number one.

0:24:150:24:19

"I'm too sexy for that, I'm too sexy for this"?

0:24:190:24:23

Car, cat, whatever. Do you remember? Definitely remember.

0:24:230:24:26

Well, please welcome live, here tonight, it's Right Said Fred!

0:24:260:24:32

SCATTERED APPLAUSE

0:24:320:24:34

Come on.

0:24:340:24:35

There they are. Hello, lads.

0:24:370:24:40

-Great!

-Hiya.

0:24:400:24:43

Here they are. Welcome, you're welcome.

0:24:430:24:45

-Good to see you.

-How's it going? Busy?

0:24:450:24:47

-Yeah, pretty busy, yeah.

-Good, good. We're friends, aren't we?

0:24:470:24:51

-Yeah, we've got mutual friends, for sure.

-Yes, we do. Yes, we do.

0:24:510:24:55

Wow! Any questions about this?

0:24:550:24:58

Right Said Fred, yeah?

0:25:000:25:01

No?

0:25:010:25:03

Good.

0:25:050:25:07

Interesting fact, actually, about Right Said Fred.

0:25:100:25:13

That one's Richard,

0:25:130:25:15

he does all the singing. The other one's Fred.

0:25:150:25:18

Were you worried people might get confused at all?

0:25:180:25:22

No, it's never been an issue for us, no.

0:25:220:25:26

So what's, what's going on tonight? You gigging?

0:25:260:25:30

No, we just, we just thought we'd go home, to be honest.

0:25:300:25:33

Night off for Right Said Fred.

0:25:350:25:37

Are they going to sing?

0:25:400:25:42

-Are you?

-No, you just said, "Pop in, mate." That's what you said.

0:25:420:25:45

Great, yeah.

0:25:450:25:47

Yeah, see, that's what you get from me, just pop ins from famous people.

0:25:470:25:51

So who knows who's going to show up next week if you vote for me?

0:25:510:25:56

Mariah Carey?

0:25:560:25:57

Don't be absurd. So I'm Too Sexy was number one in America?

0:25:570:26:01

Yeah. We were the first British band since The Beatles to get to number one with a debut single.

0:26:010:26:05

-What?!

-Yeah.

0:26:050:26:08

Since The Beatles? Wow! Come on, check...

0:26:080:26:12

Let's vote now, come on. Votes for Warwick Davis, let's...

0:26:120:26:15

Yes, one.

0:26:150:26:16

Any more? Two there.

0:26:160:26:19

Come on, does this count for nothing?

0:26:190:26:21

The Beatles!

0:26:210:26:24

-I think there's a lot of abstentions.

-We don't know that yet.

0:26:290:26:33

And votes for me now, please.

0:26:330:26:36

OK. Seems pretty conclusive. Shall we call it a night?

0:26:360:26:40

-Can I have your autograph?

-Yeah, sure.

0:26:470:26:49

Definitely not. You voted for him. Get his autograph.

0:26:490:26:52

I'm sorry, mate. We'll just shove off, then.

0:26:520:26:55

Yeah, whatever.

0:26:550:26:57

Where do you stand on condoms?

0:27:080:27:10

We don't approve.

0:27:100:27:11

Not a problem for me at the minute. I'm not getting any.

0:27:110:27:14

-Will these johnnies fit a dwarf?

-Why?

0:27:140:27:17

I've got one here.

0:27:170:27:18

-Do you know a John?

-No.

0:27:180:27:20

You don't know a John?

0:27:200:27:21

-Want to go out with me sometime?

-No.

0:27:210:27:23

Is it Jack? Is it Joseph?

0:27:230:27:26

-Do you want to take the card, in case you need a new accountant?

-No.

0:27:260:27:29

Right. Stuart says you're worried about something.

0:27:290:27:32

I'm desperate, lads. Are you not doing any more Extras?

0:27:360:27:38

-We've said we're not.

-The Office, then?

-Definitely not.

0:27:380:27:41

-The American Office?

-Listen, man.

0:27:410:27:43

-Can you write me a film?

-What film?

-I don't know, you have the idea.

0:27:430:27:46

Can we have the idea a bit later? We're snowed under, mate.

0:27:460:27:49

We've got a thousand things to do, and...

0:27:490:27:51

-Yeah, all right.

-You know what I mean?

-Yeah, I understand, right.

0:27:510:27:54

Fuck off, Les.

0:27:570:27:58

Bye.

0:27:580:28:00

During messy divorce negotiations, Warwick asks Ricky and Stephen for personal advice. Meanwhile, he moves into a new apartment and seeks election as chairman of the Society of People of Small Stature.