Episode 2 Live at the Apollo


Episode 2

Stand-up comedy from the world-famous Hammersmith Apollo. Lee Mack, star of BBC One sitcom Not Going Out, presents sets from American comic Rich Hall and Scotland's Danny Bhoy.


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Transcript


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This programme contains adult humour.

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Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host for tonight - Lee Mack!

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MUSIC: "Take Your Mama" by SCISSOR SISTERS

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Hello, Hammersmith Apollo!

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YES! Here we are.

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Welcome to the Apollo for Live At The Apollo,

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and tonight we've got two fantastic comedians for you.

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I must warn you in advance that I'm the host, so my job tonight

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is to throw as many jokes as possible at you and hope that some of them work.

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Like my old mum used to say, "If you throw enough shit, some of it will stick."

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I used to say, "Come on, Mum, can't we get a PlayStation?"

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There'll be different types of comedy tonight.

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There'll be a little bit of observational.

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I don't do much observational. I find it hard to write.

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You're supposed to talk about stuff you've noticed.

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And my problem is I don't notice anything.

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See, cos I don't do anything.

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A lot of comedians will talk about going to the supermarket.

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I do all my stuff online.

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A lot of comedians will talk about their sex lives. Same problem.

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But...

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It is nice to be here. Everyone's out here. All the celebs.

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Everyone's drinking. You can drink in here, can you?

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That's brilliant, mate. Well done, you.

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I like a drink, actually.

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I joined a wine club, recently.

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We meet every morning at nine o'clock in the park.

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I'm obsessed with drinking. I was in the Queen's Head the other day...

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Prince Philip wasn't happy.

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And we were talking about the phrase "pissed as newts".

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Cos you don't get that any more now. Pissed as newts.

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People used to say it all the time.

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I've come to the conclusion that what happened was

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all the newts got together and said, "Right, lads...

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"..we're going to sort ourselves out

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"cos we are getting a terrible reputation."

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And the other one's gone,

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"Well, what are we going to do with all this booze?"

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And the other one's gone, "Oh, I don't know.

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"Pour it down that rat's arse."

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You see, I like the Government's attitude.

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They have decided they're going to stop binge drinking.

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What they're going to do is, they're going to increase the tax on alcopops.

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Cos that's going to work, isn't it? Two fat women lying in the gutter at 2am.

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-GEORDIE ACCENT:

-"Are yous all right, love?" "Aye, I'm really fine.

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"Just go and get us another bottle of Hooch, you daft bitch!"

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"Are you sure yous want one?" "Aye, why not?"

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"I'll tell yous why.

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"You know the Government have raised duty on alcopops by 12.5%?"

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"It's what? That is totally disproportionate to the rate of inflation,

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"especially when you consider the current fiscal quarter!

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"12.5% increase on the average unit price of £2.70 a bottle?

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"That's an increase of almost 33.1 pence

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"on every unit price, and that sort of inflatory rise

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"is not just steep, it's totally unsustainable

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"in a modern western democratic economy."

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"No, forget it! Get us a bottle of water instead.

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"I'm going to go home and have a long, hard look at me life."

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Sorry, before people complain and write in,

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yes, I didn't need to use a Newcastle accent. I'm sorry.

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Have we got any Geordies in tonight?

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I'm not going to take the mickey. I love the Geordies, right?

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Do you know what I read about Newcastle?

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If you took all the chips that were eaten in Newcastle on a Friday night

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and put them in a pile, they would reach out

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and grab those chips back. It's a fact.

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So we've got a plethora, a plethora of stars in tonight.

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And Jim Rosenthal. We've got them all in. Right.

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Adam Woodyatt. Adam Woodyatt's in. Where's Adam? Where are you, Adam?

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Ian Beale from EastEnders, ladies and gentlemen.

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CHEERING AND BOOING

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Wow, he's been in that show longer than Pat Butcher's beard.

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Hasn't he? He's been in it for ages.

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And you're a Twitter fan, Adam. Is that true?

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I'm not going to take the mick.

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I don't do Twitter.

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I hate computers.

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I hate all the little terminology they use.

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I rung up for some help for my website the other day.

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I said, "I'm having troubles getting onto my website,"

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and this bloke said, "Have you tried disabling cookies?"

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I said, "I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man."

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It's great... And Donal MacIntyre.

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Donal MacIntyre's here! Donal MacIntyre!

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Where are you, Donal MacIntyre? Put your hand up.

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Donal MacIntyre with his hand up, and that's why you were

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so rubbish at being undercover.

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"I'm here! Oh, they broke me again."

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I'll tell you what we have started doing, which is weird, me and my wife.

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It's wrong to row in front of kids, isn't it?

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No-one likes to do that, right? We've started doing this weird thing,

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where instead of actually rowing, we started singing the row.

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This started when we went to France. We broke down on the Eurostar, didn't move for three hours,

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and my wife turned round to me and went,

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# Told you we should've got the plane. #

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All right. Oh, no, you don't.

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# You said get the plane

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# Don't tell me what you said

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# Don't tell me you can't remember because of...

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# Don't tell me about my bloody drinking

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# I don't get drunk

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# Don't tell me in front of the kids. #

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We think the kids can't notice. I look in the aisle,

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they've got top hats and canes going,

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# Oh, Dad's such a twat he's such a bloody twat is

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# Dad, he's a twat! #

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So such stars. Sarah Beeny?

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I believe Sarah Beeny's in. Hello, Sarah Beeny!

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You know about property, don't you? Where do you live, then?

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-Streatham.

-Streatham.

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Nice. I like Streatham.

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SCATTERED CHEERS

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Some nice parts of Streatham. Not you, you bunch of...

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You've got to live in a nice area. It's like your mate Kirstie Allsopp

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always says on Channel 4.

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She's always saying "location, location, location",

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but we all know what she's really thinking is

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"biscuits, biscuits, biscuits"!

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"I don't like these bevelled floorboards."

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"Well, they were all right before you came in, princess."

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We're going to bring on the first act, but first,

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I'd like to tell you a story. This is what it's like living in London.

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It's the same everywhere.

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I hate the hard sell. You know you get the hard sell. I got it the other day.

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You know when people ring and say, "Do you want to combine the gas with the electric?"

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and I think, "It sounds dangerous!"

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I hate the hard sell. It's horrible, innit?

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This is a true story. The other day I was lying in bed with a hangover.

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It's awful when your cock's so big it won't stay in the bed?

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I had a stinking hangover!

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And I get this phone call, right?

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And I knew this bloke was trying to sell me something with his opening line, right?

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Cos he said, "Hello, sir. How are you today?"

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I said, "No, thank you."

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And he genuinely got the hump and said, "No, thank you what?"

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I said, "Sorry. No, thank you, please."

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He said, "I'm phoning from EDF." I said, "I'm not interested.

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"He said, "I haven't told you what it is yet."

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I said, "You're ringing to offer me a free season ticket to Wembley

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"plus access to Dirty Brenda's all-night knocking shop

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"with as many chocolate Hobnobs as I can eat."

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He said, "No, I'm not. I'm ringing to talk about your domestic fuel bills."

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I said, "Why didn't you say that in the first place?!

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"Keep talking, son." He said, "Well, sir..."

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cos he didn't get the sarcasm.

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He said, "How would you feel about paying less for your gas?"

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I said, "Honestly?"

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He said, "Yes."

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I said, "I reckon I'd feel exactly the same,

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"but I'd be paying less for me gas."

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He said, "Who's your current supplier?"

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I said, "It's Big Pete. He comes round every Thursday on a moped."

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I said, "Oh, sorry, GAS! I thought you meant electricity."

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I said, "It's British Gas. "He said, "Can I ask why you chose them?"

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I said, "Well, it's a funny story.

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"I needed some gas and I live in Britain, and I don't know

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"what it was, but they seemed to be ticking all the right boxes!"

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At this point, he got the hump and said,

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"I'll ring someone who'll answer less sarcastically."

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I said, "Phone someone else, they'll be less sarcastic, stay on the phone longer,

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"but they'll still end up saying no to you anyway."

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I said, "I don't know who's providing your current rejection,

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"but if you switch to me, I would combine the rejection

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"with the sarcasm and save you up to 15% on your cold-calling time!"

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Do you know what he did? He tried to offer me Nectar points!

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Let me tell you something about Nectar points.

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I spent the last two years collecting them.

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Do you know how many I've got? Enough for a tiny jar of honey.

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I'd have been better off collecting bloody nectar!

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I'm glad you laughed at that joke

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cos when I did it a month ago in Ireland, it got nothing.

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I did a gig, two nights in Ireland.

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I did that joke about the Nectar points, got nothing.

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I walked off and the bloke that travels with me...

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I went, "Why did that joke not get a laugh?" He went, "I know.

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"They don't have Nectar points in Ireland."

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What are you telling me now for, after the gig?!

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He said, "Don't worry. Tomorrow night, say Tesco's points."

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I don't know what's worse, the fact that he suggested that

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or the fact that half of you are now looking at me and going, "What happened? Did it work?

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"What about Lidl points, Asda points?"

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Well, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to bring on the first act.

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It gives me great pleasure to bring on this act.

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There's comedians that are brilliant

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and there are comedians that are very close friends,

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and I can honestly say that this bloke is neither.

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No, he's brilliant.

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One of my favourite acts and you're going to love him.

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Please welcome back to Live At The Apollo the amazing Rich Hall!

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Thank you! God bless you.

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Look at you, look at you, look at you.

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Riding the big wave of comedy, are you, fella?

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Snapped off your tie and came straight from the office, did you?

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You got that look of comic desperation in your face,

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like maybe you've had a rough day at the office.

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Don't...

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He's probably wanted by the law. Get that camera out of his face.

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I've seen the guy on Crimewatch. Get it out of here!

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The man wants to sit in the front row

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with his hot girlfriend and have a little privacy.

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I read an article recently, ladies and gentlemen,

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that said that stand-up comedy killed folk music.

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Really? Because it's a better form of protest and dissent.

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I reckon probably what killed folk music was the day that folk musicians

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realised that practically everybody on the planet owns a hammer.

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What are you hammering out there, Mr Folk-singer?

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Well, I'm hammering in the morning. Really?

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I'm hammering in the evening. No shit. I've been hearing you.

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I'm hammering out danger,

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a warning,

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the love between my brother and sister. Really?

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Whatever's going on with your brother and sister really doesn't need to be hammered out, OK?

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I'm pretty sure that was illegal AND immoral.

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Why don't you put down that hammer before I shove it up your banjo-playing ass?

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I think that the reason that Brits appreciate comedy is because,

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you know, the darker things get, the more you need to laugh.

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You know what I'm saying?

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And this is a dark country, ladies and gentlemen.

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Brits love it when someone dies in a joke. That's hilarious.

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If a big stage truss hit me on the head right now, I'd have my own series by Monday.

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What about the Irish? They have a wonderful sense of humour.

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They do, but they can't handle morbidity.

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I did a six-city tour of Ireland and I'm thinking, great, the Irish.

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Woo-hoo! They don't even need comedy.

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They're perfectly self-entertaining.

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I'm on a train travelling to the south

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and I'm reading the Irish paper, the Times, and this is what the headline said -

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"Cork man drowns."

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Thanks, Britain, for actually getting that because...

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that was handed to me on a paper plate.

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Look at that. "Cork man drowns."

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I've got to read the rest. If this guy's name is Bob,

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I'm going to eat a bug. And it was.

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The guy's name is Bob.

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So I get to Cork, look at that, "Cork man drowns." Not a peep.

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There's tumbleweeds from Ireland crossing the stage.

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Don't make fun of Bob, he's dead. Sorry, Ireland.

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I know there's a different approach in Britain to the economic situation.

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America is... Britain is just cut, cut, cut, cut, austerity, cut,

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you're going to suffer, cut, cut, cut, and America is

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"Buy more shit, spend our way out of this!"

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Shooting money out of a dollar cannon

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and every piece of shit gadget that comes on the market.

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I love the subtlety of British TV ads.

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Like unbelievably subtle.

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It's almost like they're not trying to sell you something.

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You watch it, and 30 minutes later... What were they selling?

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What the hell was that? 600 Vikings just waded out of the ocean,

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walked into a pub, and one drove away in a Citroen.

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What were they selling?

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Deodorant. Really?

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American consumerism is based on taking out

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late-night ads and pretending that you're mentally deficient.

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You're screaming at the top of your voice,

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"Come on down to Wally's World of Mortgages!

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"That's right, we've got mortgages.

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"I'm crazy. The boss left with the keys. I'm by the safe.

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"I don't even work here. We'll give you a mortgage.

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"Even if you've never heard of a mortgage, come down and we'll give you one.

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"Can't pay us back, won't pay us back?

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"We don't give a shit, even if you're a crack whore popping babies out of your womb

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"like self-rising biscuits, come on down here now. You're a home-owner."

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People will take advantage of that guy. He seems nuts.

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It's the ad crunch spectacular -

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a whole infomercial devoted to the biggest piece of shit ever perpetrated on the public.

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You can have a washboard stomach in 12...

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Who needs a washboard stomach?

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Are you going to play hillbilly bluegrass music right off your stomach?

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It's shit!

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"Hi, I'm Chuck Norris.

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"I used to pummel vaguely Middle Eastern looking guys for a living.

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"Now I'm selling this piece of shit Velcro nailed to an old ski.

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"Flip it over, it's a canoe. Turn it inside out, it's a ladies' dress." It's shit!

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"You can have it by tomorrow." Course you can cos it's a piece of shit.

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That's what we do in America. We make lots of crap,

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but we deliver it really, really fast.

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Good things come to those who wait,

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but shit pretty much shows up right away.

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Pick up the phone. I'd like the ad crunch... Bing-bong.

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That was fast.

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I'd love to tell you things are better in America, but...LAUGHS

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..I don't...I don't really know. It's, er...

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We have a fantastic president, but most Americans just want to see his birth certificate.

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Show us your birth certificate, Obama?

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I watched the elections here. I kind of watched them.

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I kept an eye on 'em. I didn't get the full brunt of it.

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Basically, I left the country for a while, Gordon Brown was in charge.

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I came back. Now, apparently, the country's being led by two gay antiques dealers.

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I don't know how that happened. But at least they're getting along.

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Let me explain it to you. There's two parties in America.

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There's Republicans and Democrats.

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Republicans are called the red states, Democrats are the blue states.

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The blue states are generally either on the west coast or on the Atlantic seaboard,

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so basically a Democrat is anyone who's seen water.

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If you go to America, find a Republican and take him to the beach.

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Even Republicans hate each other now, so they have a splinter group called the Teabaggers...

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the Tea Party, Teabaggers...

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whose leader is Sarah Palin, future presidential candidate

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who spent two years governing 8,000 square miles of snow

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and would occasionally nip out at lunch

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to blow the head off a moose from 300 yards away.

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That's presidential material. Another woman who's moved to the forefront,

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running for senator from Delaware, named Christine O'Donnell,

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who's running on a platform of anti-masturbation.

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She actually wants to make masturbation illegal.

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I give that law six minutes.

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Cos the Bible says it's wrong. These are her exact words...

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"Well, if my husband has figured out how to please himself,

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"why am I in the picture?"

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I got news for you. You're not.

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No man ever whacked one out of the ball park thinking of his wife.

0:18:270:18:32

You could be thinking of a 300lb-Bavarian-milkmaid

0:18:350:18:39

strapped over a barrel while you bang her with a kayak paddle,

0:18:390:18:42

wearing a Burger-King paper crown

0:18:420:18:44

and making her call you Mr King Big Daddy Spanky Bottom.

0:18:440:18:47

Just as you're about to shoot a ropey parabola of man juice

0:18:480:18:52

onto her ham-hock buttocks,

0:18:520:18:53

David Hasselhoff walks in dressed as a Luftwaffe pilot and says,

0:18:530:18:57

"You've got a tax refund coming."

0:18:570:18:59

And if that's wrong, I don't want to be right!

0:18:590:19:02

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

0:19:090:19:11

Rich Hall! Rich Hall. Marvellous.

0:19:180:19:24

Before the next act, I'll just tell you a few quick things.

0:19:240:19:26

Time for a quick joke.

0:19:260:19:28

I'm on tour at the moment

0:19:280:19:29

and this joke that I'm about to tell you hasn't been working.

0:19:290:19:34

It's been getting nothing so I thought,

0:19:340:19:36

what better thing to do than tell it on national television?

0:19:360:19:39

This hasn't been working. And it's my favourite joke.

0:19:390:19:42

I've always wanted to kidnap the ex-professional tennis player Pat Cash,

0:19:420:19:46

just so after his family have rung up and paid the ransom,

0:19:460:19:51

I can say, "Do you want Cash back?"

0:19:510:19:53

LAUGHTER

0:19:530:19:54

I knew that joke was all right!

0:19:540:19:56

What does Swindon know? The bunch of inbreds.

0:19:560:19:58

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to bring on the next act.

0:20:010:20:04

There's an old saying in comedy, "we always save the best till last."

0:20:040:20:07

Well, tonight, something a little bit different.

0:20:070:20:11

I'm joking! You'll love this man,

0:20:130:20:15

he's fantastic and all the way from Scotland.

0:20:150:20:17

Will you please welcome the absolutely brilliant Danny Bhoy!

0:20:170:20:21

MUSIC: "I'm Gonna Be" by The Proclaimers

0:20:210:20:24

Hello.

0:20:310:20:32

Hello, hello, ladies and gentlemen. Hello.

0:20:320:20:37

It's lovely to be here in London. I'm not from here. I'm from Scotland.

0:20:370:20:41

Well, I'm half-Scottish, half-Indian,

0:20:410:20:43

which means, unlike most Scots, I don't get sunburned watching fireworks.

0:20:430:20:48

We're terrible. We spend all year complaining about the cold.

0:20:500:20:54

"It's cold out there, Danny, it's cold. It's always cold."

0:20:540:20:57

First day we go on holiday, "It's too hot for me.

0:20:570:21:00

"Welcome to Heathrow airport, your flight's over there in 20 minutes."

0:21:000:21:04

But we have no dangerous animals in Scotland.

0:21:060:21:09

It's almost like, when Noah was travelling around the world,

0:21:090:21:12

he didn't come back to Scotland for the drop-off.

0:21:120:21:16

Or didn't go there in the first place.

0:21:160:21:18

Think about his message. He wouldn't have got a great reception in Scotland.

0:21:180:21:22

Hello, Scotland, I am Noah.

0:21:220:21:26

All right, pal, how's it going? All right?

0:21:260:21:28

Yes, I'm all right.

0:21:280:21:30

Scotland, I need two of all of your animals.

0:21:320:21:35

Oh, aye. How are you going to pay for these?

0:21:360:21:39

Is it going to be cash or cheque or what?

0:21:390:21:43

No, Scotland, I'm a messenger of God.

0:21:430:21:46

There is to be 40 days and nights of rain.

0:21:460:21:50

Oh, that's good. Say it again. Say it to him. Please. That's good.

0:21:530:21:58

Listen to this. 40 days and nights of rain?

0:21:580:22:00

We're on 52 at the moment, Noah.

0:22:000:22:03

It's not a great prediction, is it?

0:22:030:22:06

40 days and nights. What a chancer, eh?

0:22:060:22:10

It's one of the things I like about Scotland. No dangerous animals.

0:22:100:22:13

A lot of things I like about Scotland, things that other people don't like.

0:22:130:22:17

I like the brown grass and the rain that hurts your face.

0:22:170:22:20

I like the... I like our national anthem.

0:22:200:22:23

It's the best national anthem in the world, Flower Of Scotland, because it tells a story

0:22:230:22:28

of Robert the Bruce's victory at the Battle of Bannockburn.

0:22:280:22:31

# Oh, flower of Scotland when will we see your likes again? #

0:22:310:22:35

Gets you there.

0:22:350:22:37

It's the only national anthem in the world that I know of

0:22:370:22:39

that makes provision for people with Tourette's to join in.

0:22:390:22:43

In the chorus, we sing,

0:22:430:22:44

# And stood against them... # HE SHOUTS: Against who!

0:22:440:22:47

# Proud Edward's army... # Bastards!

0:22:470:22:52

# And sent them homewards... # Wankers!

0:22:520:22:54

# To think again. # Happy New Year. Aye, Happy New Year.

0:22:540:22:58

I don't know, though.

0:23:020:23:04

I love all that old music.

0:23:040:23:05

I do. I love it all, that lovely hymns and...

0:23:050:23:08

I'm not keen on modern music now.

0:23:080:23:10

I don't get it. I don't like it. I don't like all that club music.

0:23:100:23:14

You know, the oof, oof, oof. Oof, oof, oof.

0:23:140:23:18

You hear it coming out of every single doorway on a Friday night.

0:23:180:23:21

Oof, oof, oof, oof, oof.

0:23:210:23:23

Sounds like a cat trying to be sick.

0:23:230:23:25

Oof, oof, oof.

0:23:270:23:28

That's what cats do. Oof, oof, oof, oof, oof.

0:23:280:23:31

When I go into my living room and the cat's on the sofa going,

0:23:340:23:37

oof, oof, oof, oof, I don't go, "Oh, yeah!"

0:23:370:23:40

You get out of there!

0:23:430:23:45

Cat-owners, you'll know what I'm talking about. That's a moment of panic.

0:23:450:23:49

You know you've only got a few seconds.

0:23:490:23:51

Shit, door, window! Open the door, open a window!

0:23:510:23:54

Hold on. Please hold on! It gets faster...

0:23:540:23:56

Oof, oof, oof. Please open that door quick!

0:23:560:23:59

Jesus Christ!

0:23:590:24:01

Eh? That was close.

0:24:010:24:03

They're so schizophrenic, cats. Ten minutes later, your nice effeminate cat comes in.

0:24:060:24:10

Miaow! That's my cat. I love my cat.

0:24:100:24:12

Come here, you. Are you all right now?

0:24:130:24:16

It comes in...

0:24:160:24:18

Am I all right? What was that all about?

0:24:240:24:27

Am I all right?

0:24:320:24:33

Smashed my face on that wall. Did you know that was there?

0:24:330:24:36

Did you know that was there, did you?

0:24:360:24:40

Straight into it. Tried to get round.

0:24:400:24:42

I couldn't get round.

0:24:420:24:45

You don't believe that "cats always land on their feet" shit, do you? Look at that.

0:24:450:24:49

Look at that. I can't even... I can't even lick that bit.

0:24:490:24:54

I thought you were going to be sick. It was a cough.

0:25:040:25:08

Would you do that to one of the kids if they were going to be sick?

0:25:080:25:11

Chuck them? No, but Mr Tiddles here, that's fine.

0:25:110:25:14

I don't know why cats do that. Cats...

0:25:160:25:18

the whole body goes, doesn't it? When a cat's being sick.

0:25:180:25:22

You know all about it. When dogs are sick, they're almost apologetic.

0:25:220:25:26

Oh, sorry.

0:25:260:25:28

Oh, God, is that me?

0:25:300:25:32

Oh, no, don't clean it up. I'll lick it up.

0:25:340:25:36

Oh, happy to, happy to.

0:25:360:25:40

Anything to get the taste of my balls out my mouth, eh?

0:25:400:25:43

Anyway, the point of that was we have the best national anthem in the world.

0:25:500:25:57

I think so.

0:25:570:25:58

There's a lot of things in Scotland I don't like.

0:25:580:26:01

We have the worst national symbol, the thistle.

0:26:010:26:06

It's a weed. It's a weed.

0:26:060:26:07

I don't know how we ended up with a weed.

0:26:070:26:10

We must've got there at the end of the day in the great garden centre of national symbols.

0:26:100:26:14

Eh? The English, you got there first, didn't you?

0:26:140:26:17

ENGLISH ACCENT: Hello! What?! We'll have the rose.

0:26:170:26:20

The rose is romantic and poetic, just like the English. Ha-de-ha!

0:26:200:26:24

And off you go.

0:26:240:26:25

And then maybe the Welsh turned up.

0:26:250:26:28

WELSH ACCENT: Hello-a!

0:26:280:26:30

I'm hearing a lot of this for the first time as well. You do know that.

0:26:320:26:36

"Hello-a! I'm a Welsh man.

0:26:360:26:39

"And for my national symbol-a...

0:26:400:26:42

"..I'll have a daffodil, I'll have a daffodil!"

0:26:440:26:47

Cos the daffodil is chivalrous and respectful, just like the Welsh.

0:26:470:26:51

Ho-de-ho!

0:26:510:26:52

And the Irish turn up, you know, "Diddly-dee, potato".

0:26:540:26:57

Don't know what this is. Some kind of...

0:27:000:27:03

Some kind of mandolin.

0:27:030:27:05

I'm a story-teller

0:27:050:27:08

and my story must be told.

0:27:080:27:09

What would you like as your national symbol, Irish person?

0:27:110:27:14

"Well, I'll have the shamrock.

0:27:140:27:16

"The shamrock is rare and mystical just like the Irish. Diddly-dee."

0:27:160:27:20

And off he goes into the mist.

0:27:200:27:22

All the countries have their national symbol.

0:27:230:27:25

We must've got there right at the end, the Scots, just as everyone's packing up.

0:27:250:27:29

"How's it going? You all right? Sorry I'm late. Eh, what have we got left?

0:27:290:27:34

"Ooh, not a lot, eh?

0:27:340:27:36

"What's that prickly, shitty-looking thing there? What's that?"

0:27:360:27:39

"That's a thistle, sir. You don't want that."

0:27:400:27:43

"Oh, looks all right to me."

0:27:430:27:45

"No, it's a weed. It's a weed. We were about to throw it out."

0:27:450:27:48

"What, free?"

0:27:480:27:51

APPLAUSE

0:27:510:27:54

"Load 'em up, boys, load 'em up!"

0:27:540:27:57

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. You've been a lovely crowd. Thank you.

0:27:590:28:03

APPLAUSE

0:28:030:28:06

Danny Bhoy!

0:28:060:28:08

Danny Bhoy!

0:28:090:28:10

Danny Bhoy!

0:28:130:28:14

That's the end of tonight's Live At The Apollo. Tune in again soon.

0:28:170:28:20

But first, give it up for both the acts you saw tonight - the brilliant Rich Hall!

0:28:200:28:24

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:240:28:26

And the amazing Danny Bhoy!

0:28:260:28:28

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:280:28:31

My name's Lee Mack. Good night!

0:28:310:28:33

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:360:28:39

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:390:28:42

Stand-up comedy from the world-famous Hammersmith Apollo. Lee Mack, comedian and star of BBC One sitcom Not Going Out, presents sets from American comic Rich Hall and Scotland's Danny Bhoy.


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