A Brief Encounter ‹ Series 3

Line	From	To
Hello.	0:00:02	0:00:03
I'm not going to lie, I'm a bit down.	0:00:03	0:00:05
I've been in hiding since I blurted out that I love Gary.	0:00:05	0:00:09
I'm such a dweeby blurter.	0:00:09	0:00:11
He just wants to be friends.	0:00:11	0:00:13
I must duvet cocoon.	0:00:13	0:00:14
LAUGHTER	0:00:15	0:00:17
That's better.	0:00:17	0:00:19
I was so down that Mum came to stay, and that just made it worse.	0:00:19	0:00:23
-Is that the baddy or the goody? -Goody.	0:00:23	0:00:25
He looks baddy.	0:00:25	0:00:27
Oh!	0:00:27	0:00:28
Of course, I saw him in Spooks.	0:00:28	0:00:30
Why can't the elderly ever just watch television?	0:00:30	0:00:33
LAUGHTER	0:00:33	0:00:34
Ooh, sex scene. Reminds me of Brighton '72.	0:00:34	0:00:37
We played this amazing game of naked Twister...	0:00:37	0:00:40
Unacceptable!	0:00:40	0:00:41
So I'm home alone and coping fine.	0:00:41	0:00:46
# On my own pretending he's beside me	0:00:46	0:00:54
# All alone I walk with him till morning	0:00:54	0:01:01
# I love him... #	0:01:01	0:01:03
# But when the night is over, he is gone. #	0:01:05	0:01:11
I'm fine.	0:01:11	0:01:12
No, I'm fine, and I've now got a family to get over Gary.	0:01:12	0:01:16
So this is Larry, Barry, Carrie, Harry, Glengarry,	0:01:16	0:01:21
and this is Sheila.	0:01:21	0:01:24
So...	0:01:24	0:01:25
Yeah, I'll be fine now.	0:01:25	0:01:27
I did think about going away, but even the travel agent was stressy.	0:01:27	0:01:32
We've got nice breaks in Lanzarote for two.	0:01:32	0:01:34
-Oh, it's for one. -For one?	0:01:34	0:01:36
Er...	0:01:36	0:01:38
Ooh, Madeira.	0:01:38	0:01:39
No, two sharing. Hefty...	0:01:39	0:01:42
-..single supplement. -Single supplement!	0:01:42	0:01:44
Why? If anything, WE should be compensated	0:01:44	0:01:47
for the amount of times we've had to send ourselves Valentines cards.	0:01:47	0:01:50
Not that I've done that.	0:01:50	0:01:52
(I have done that.)	0:01:52	0:01:53
And we use less linen, less shower gel and much more minibar.	0:01:53	0:01:57
Maybe if you used more shower gel, you'd be less single.	0:01:57	0:02:01
HE LAUGHS	0:02:01	0:02:02
Just trying to storm out.	0:02:15	0:02:17
Sticky hinge there.	0:02:19	0:02:20
Who needs relationships when kittens,	0:02:23	0:02:26
the culinary phrase, "Pierce film lid,"	0:02:26	0:02:29
and this bad boy are in the world?	0:02:29	0:02:31
I give you...	0:02:31	0:02:32
the cushioned lap tray.	0:02:32	0:02:34
Oh, yes. Cue titles.	0:02:34	0:02:36
Oh! What please caller is happening please thank you?	0:02:49	0:02:52
Thank you to you for asking please.	0:02:52	0:02:54
I have made an executive life decisione.	0:02:54	0:02:57
In fact, go ahead, please, caller, thank you to you please.	0:02:57	0:03:00
STEVIE CLEARS THROAT	0:03:00	0:03:01
# What have you done today to make you feel proud? #	0:03:01	0:03:05
Today, Heather, hello to you...	0:03:05	0:03:07
I have begun a Gary-free life.	0:03:07	0:03:10
Happy in singleness.	0:03:10	0:03:11
Well, apologies, but we cannot hop aboard your life decisione.	0:03:11	0:03:15
We still think you should talk to him.	0:03:15	0:03:18
Don't we? # Yes. #	0:03:18	0:03:19
LAUGHTER	0:03:19	0:03:20
He's been busy on restaurant recces all week,	0:03:20	0:03:23
neither of you has had the chance to really talk.	0:03:23	0:03:25
I can't.	0:03:25	0:03:26
Well, ending on an administration note,	0:03:26	0:03:28
please use the skip outside for this nonsense.	0:03:28	0:03:31
Morning, darling. Hello, Stevie, how are you?	0:03:31	0:03:33
-Well, I'm all... -Back to me.	0:03:33	0:03:35
I have an important announcement.	0:03:35	0:03:37
Your father and I...	0:03:37	0:03:38
-I can't come. -You don't know what it is.	0:03:38	0:03:40
Already sounds awful.	0:03:40	0:03:42
On Saturday morning, your father and I are having a ceremony.	0:03:42	0:03:45
Where's it going?	0:03:45	0:03:46
To renew our vows!	0:03:46	0:03:48
Even the notion!	0:03:48	0:03:49
LAUGHTER	0:03:49	0:03:50
As I say, I can't come.	0:03:50	0:03:52
-Why not? -Well, I will be...	0:03:52	0:03:54
washing the Queen's cheese.	0:03:54	0:03:57
Right, the timetable.	0:03:58	0:04:01
I've booked a dress fitting here in an hour,	0:04:01	0:04:03
then you can help me write my vows.	0:04:03	0:04:06
I'd rather deep fat fry my face.	0:04:06	0:04:07
The florist is coming...	0:04:07	0:04:09
Hola les peepsicles!	0:04:09	0:04:12
Arretez immediatement what you are doing for the Tilly O'Clock News.	0:04:12	0:04:17
Dong!	0:04:17	0:04:18
LAUGHTER	0:04:18	0:04:20
We're just on me, Tilly, so...	0:04:20	0:04:21
Dong!	0:04:21	0:04:22
And the headlines tonight...	0:04:23	0:04:27
I think I'm in love!	0:04:27	0:04:28
I'm on a cloud Nine-gella!	0:04:28	0:04:31
Smashing, now back to me.	0:04:31	0:04:32
No, no, Pen-pen, back to me.	0:04:32	0:04:34
So I'm going to bring him over later for proper introductiones,	0:04:34	0:04:37
and then we can talk about...	0:04:37	0:04:38
-Talk about my vows ceremoniones. Back to me. -Back to me!	0:04:38	0:04:42
Excuse me!	0:04:42	0:04:43
I am getting over a man who I've been in love with	0:04:43	0:04:45
for the last 14 years,	0:04:45	0:04:46
who if I saw I would literally die of embarrassment.	0:04:46	0:04:49
And today is the beginning of my life as a committed spinster,	0:04:49	0:04:53
so if anything, back to me-ioniones...	0:04:53	0:04:55
thoth-oth-oth-th!	0:04:55	0:04:57
Committed spinster? She's already one step away from being the...	0:04:57	0:05:01
ALL: Local weirdo.	0:05:01	0:05:02
LAUGHTER	0:05:02	0:05:05
I am not weird.	0:05:05	0:05:06
LAUGHTER	0:05:07	0:05:08
ALL: Oh, no!	0:05:08	0:05:10
I'm going it alone. OK? I can manage.	0:05:10	0:05:13
I'm fine.	0:05:16	0:05:17
LAUGHTER	0:05:20	0:05:21
OK, no, it's fine. I'm absolutely...	0:05:24	0:05:27
If I just...	0:05:27	0:05:28
LAUGHTER	0:05:28	0:05:30
Sorry. I'll be fine.	0:05:32	0:05:33
I'll be fine. Just...	0:05:33	0:05:34
LAUGHTER	0:05:37	0:05:38
No, that's, er...	0:05:38	0:05:39
Don't help me. Don't help me.	0:05:40	0:05:42
I've got it now.	0:05:45	0:05:47
LAUGHTER	0:05:47	0:05:48
APPLAUSE	0:05:48	0:05:49
SHE GASPS	0:05:55	0:05:56
LAUGHTER	0:05:56	0:05:58
Just tell the driver not to move off, please.	0:06:05	0:06:08
You said you were going it alone.	0:06:08	0:06:09
TILLY LAUGHS	0:06:09	0:06:10
Tell him there's an inadvertent passenger in his load, please.	0:06:10	0:06:14
THEY LAUGH	0:06:14	0:06:17
Well, I really enjoyed the landfill site.	0:06:25	0:06:28
MIRANDA GASPS	0:06:28	0:06:29
Oh, isn't she fabulous?	0:06:29	0:06:31
I bet she's a cool, not weird spinster.	0:06:31	0:06:33
Look at her sort of swishing.	0:06:33	0:06:35
Ooh, I instantly want her to be my new best friend.	0:06:35	0:06:38
Yeah. Oh, hang on, I saw her first.	0:06:38	0:06:39
No, but she's more my kind of person.	0:06:39	0:06:41
-Oh, wrong, because you... -BOTH: Ooh!	0:06:41	0:06:44
BOTH: Yoo-hoo!	0:06:44	0:06:45
Would you mind putting some postcards in here	0:06:45	0:06:47
to advertise my painting and designing?	0:06:47	0:06:49
BOTH: OF course, yeah.	0:06:49	0:06:51
Ow!	0:06:52	0:06:53
THEY LAUGH	0:06:57	0:06:58
-Oh, they're stunning. -Oh, wow, you're so clever.	0:06:58	0:07:00
Oh, thank you.	0:07:00	0:07:01
Yeah, that was a view in Morocco,	0:07:01	0:07:04
when I was living with a tribe for three months.	0:07:04	0:07:06
Oh, just living with a tribe for three months.	0:07:06	0:07:09
Oh, I had you pegged.	0:07:09	0:07:11
Don't touch her.	0:07:11	0:07:12
LAUGHTER	0:07:12	0:07:14
Creative, your own woman, travel, yeah, I identify.	0:07:14	0:07:17
yeah, well, I try to be open, you know, go with the flow.	0:07:17	0:07:19
Hallelujah, sister.	0:07:19	0:07:21
Go with the flow.	0:07:21	0:07:23
You, flow?	0:07:23	0:07:24
She doesn't flow, I flo...	0:07:24	0:07:26
LAUGHTER	0:07:26	0:07:28
Yeah. No, I flow, you know, break conventions.	0:07:28	0:07:32
I mean, last night,	0:07:32	0:07:33
I had an After Eight at quarter past seven.	0:07:33	0:07:37
We're of the same elk.	0:07:38	0:07:40
Not elk, that's a deer. Ilk.	0:07:40	0:07:42
Ilk. Yeah.	0:07:43	0:07:45
So you've been single a lot?	0:07:45	0:07:46
Well, it's important to be a free spirit.	0:07:46	0:07:49
-Have you been to Morocco? -HAVE I?	0:07:49	0:07:51
-Have you? -No.	0:07:51	0:07:52
I don't swish like you, I sort of stress like a constipated meerkat.	0:07:53	0:07:59
LAUGHTER	0:08:00	0:08:01
Miranda.	0:08:01	0:08:03
Oh, Miranda. I'm meeting your mum.	0:08:03	0:08:05
I'm designing the dress for her ceremony.	0:08:05	0:08:07
I'm Helena.	0:08:07	0:08:08
Helena, my new best friend.	0:08:08	0:08:11
-I'm Stevie. I love you. -(OK...)	0:08:11	0:08:12
Helena, I'm so sorry I'm late.	0:08:15	0:08:18
Bumped in to Bunty Lumley-Kendall.	0:08:18	0:08:20
She's had the most wonderful what I call idea.	0:08:20	0:08:23
It is an idea.	0:08:23	0:08:24
Tomorrow night at yours, Miranda, a Penny shower!	0:08:24	0:08:28
Ah! Such fun!	0:08:28	0:08:31
I'd rather be pecked to death by an angry blue tit.	0:08:31	0:08:34
Jennifer Truss-Funde is on eats.	0:08:34	0:08:36
She's thrilled with the distraction,	0:08:36	0:08:38
because she's in the throes of a personal summer.	0:08:38	0:08:40
As in (ghastly) MENOPAUSE.	0:08:40	0:08:43
Now, I've nearly finished my vows. Listen to this bit.	0:08:43	0:08:47
All I have on, I drop to the floor.	0:08:47	0:08:50
-TILLY: -Gang, gang!	0:08:50	0:08:52
I intro my beau.	0:08:52	0:08:55
Now! Now, now! Entree, entree, entree!	0:08:55	0:08:57
Surprise, surprise, what?	0:08:57	0:09:00
APPLAUSE	0:09:01	0:09:02
You and Ping Pong Charlie?	0:09:02	0:09:04
Totes amazeballs!	0:09:04	0:09:06
Feeling Tipsy, La-la and Po.	0:09:06	0:09:10
BOTH: Teletubbies!	0:09:10	0:09:11
LAUGHTER	0:09:11	0:09:12
And it's 100 percenter-tentacles	0:09:14	0:09:16
not because the single pool is so teeny weeny.	0:09:16	0:09:18
Ahhh...	0:09:18	0:09:19
By the by, it's Cucumber Charlie now.	0:09:21	0:09:24
Funny story. In the mess kitchen,	0:09:24	0:09:27
stealing cucumber for illegal Pimmsy drinkus,	0:09:27	0:09:31
chef comes in, cucumber down trousers,	0:09:31	0:09:33
chef grabs, and the second time, he gets the cucumber!	0:09:33	0:09:36
TILLY LAUGHS	0:09:36	0:09:37
LAUGHTER	0:09:37	0:09:39
Smashing. Now back to my vows.	0:09:39	0:09:41
-No, no. Wait, wait, wait. -How did this happen? -Yes!	0:09:41	0:09:43
BOTH: In Cyprus.	0:09:43	0:09:45
Long story or short?	0:09:45	0:09:46
BOTH: Short! CHARLIE: Sambuca, donkey, rumpy de pumpy!	0:09:46	0:09:51
-Eee-awww! -Ooh!	0:09:51	0:09:52
THEY LAUGH	0:09:52	0:09:53
I'm loving it. Loving the loving.	0:09:56	0:09:59
You don't need it, Miranda. You just embrace aloneness.	0:09:59	0:10:03
Yes. Correctomundomisinusacouscous.	0:10:03	0:10:06
LAUGHTER	0:10:06	0:10:07
I shall be a free spirit now.	0:10:07	0:10:09
Yeah, dine alone. That proved it for me.	0:10:09	0:10:12
Dine alone! I will accept that challenge, sister.	0:10:12	0:10:15
Yeah! I will swish through life now.	0:10:15	0:10:19
This is me miming wearing a long skirt.	0:10:19	0:10:22
Yeah.	0:10:22	0:10:23
Ooh, it's gone a bit flamenco, hasn't it?	0:10:23	0:10:26
SHE FARTS	0:10:26	0:10:27
Ooh, sorry, sorry.	0:10:27	0:10:28
No, sorry, that was just the stamp movement. Sorry.	0:10:28	0:10:31
Swishing and flowing...	0:10:34	0:10:37
Hello. I've got a reservation. Miranda - table for one.	0:10:37	0:10:40
Oh, yes. Table for one!	0:10:40	0:10:42
Ooh, can we keep a bit low key? Is that all right?	0:10:42	0:10:45
Ooh!	0:10:48	0:10:49
LAUGHTER	0:10:49	0:10:50
Pick me, I come with cream or custard!	0:10:50	0:10:52
Ooh!	0:10:52	0:10:53
Sorry about that.	0:10:53	0:10:54
Thank you so much...	0:10:54	0:10:55
Oh, right. Ooh!	0:10:59	0:11:01
You sweep me up. That's always an unnerving moment, isn't it?	0:11:01	0:11:04
Good evening.	0:11:07	0:11:09
(Feel a bit conspicuous.)	0:11:09	0:11:10
Fake phone admin.	0:11:12	0:11:13
LAUGHTER	0:11:16	0:11:18
(Important person.)	0:11:18	0:11:20
Oh, hi babe, are you stuck in traffic?	0:11:22	0:11:25
Yeah the modelling job went on a bit, did it? Yeah.	0:11:25	0:11:28
Boyfriend.	0:11:28	0:11:30
PHONE RINGS	0:11:30	0:11:31
LAUGHTER	0:11:31	0:11:33
What can I get madam?	0:11:36	0:11:37
Madam would like a glass of Prosecco,	0:11:37	0:11:40
and, er... ooh, I think the seafood medley.	0:11:40	0:11:44
Which I presume means...	0:11:44	0:11:46
they'll be singing songs from the shows.	0:11:46	0:11:49
LAUGHTER	0:11:49	0:11:50
No, they don't.	0:11:50	0:11:51
No, I know. 'Twas a little joke.	0:11:51	0:11:54
MOUTHS	0:11:54	0:11:55
Well, I wouldn't want to be seen by anyone,	0:11:58	0:12:00
but madam's beginning to feel OK.	0:12:00	0:12:04
-Gary! -How you doing? -I'm good, how are you?	0:12:05	0:12:07
-Very well, thank you. -Good to see you! -This is lovely, isn't it?	0:12:07	0:12:10
Ooh! That's a hearty moustache.	0:12:14	0:12:16
-What are you doing? -I'm just hiding from someone.	0:12:16	0:12:18
Yes, but you can't stay here.	0:12:18	0:12:20
Just for one moment, my furry friend.	0:12:20	0:12:22
Ooh! It's a bit sudden but, er...	0:12:23	0:12:25
OK, I do!	0:12:25	0:12:26
CUSTOMERS APPLAUD	0:12:26	0:12:27
Right.	0:12:31	0:12:32
Well...	0:12:32	0:12:34
You HAVE to laugh about all this!	0:12:34	0:12:36
It's really funny, no?	0:12:39	0:12:41
I think any minute now, you'll think,	0:12:42	0:12:44
"How funny that she ruined the best moment of my life."	0:12:44	0:12:48
So funny, isn't it?	0:12:48	0:12:50
He finds it hilarious!	0:12:52	0:12:55
OK!	0:12:55	0:12:56
Now is it funny?	0:12:58	0:12:59
Is it funny? No.	0:12:59	0:13:01
Now?	0:13:02	0:13:04
Is it... I'll just go.	0:13:04	0:13:06
Er, where have you been all morning?	0:13:09	0:13:11
Estate agents.	0:13:11	0:13:12
I have made an even bigger life decisione.	0:13:12	0:13:15
I'm going to sell the flat, Stevie.	0:13:17	0:13:19
-I'm going away. -What?	0:13:19	0:13:21
Well, I'm always going to bump into Gary, and it's always going to be too painful.	0:13:21	0:13:24
Are you serious?	0:13:24	0:13:25
No, you won't really go away.	0:13:25	0:13:27
You're all mouth and no trouser on the travel front.	0:13:27	0:13:30
Sometimes literally, if you remember Marbella '96?	0:13:30	0:13:33
Stevie, Stevie.	0:13:38	0:13:40
Belt stuck. Belt stuck on the travelator.	0:13:40	0:13:43
Stevie!	0:13:43	0:13:45
Stevie!	0:13:45	0:13:46
LAUGHTER	0:13:46	0:13:48
-CHANTS: -I am going to Marbella! Marbella!	0:13:51	0:13:55
I am ready to sow some travelly oats. So...	0:13:55	0:13:58
Look at my free spirit, yeah.	0:13:58	0:14:00
What place springs to mind?	0:14:00	0:14:03
Harpenden.	0:14:03	0:14:04
-Harpenden? -Yes.	0:14:04	0:14:06
You've got me all wrong.	0:14:06	0:14:07
No, I can be a Helena.	0:14:07	0:14:09
SHE GASPS	0:14:09	0:14:10
I know!	0:14:10	0:14:11
Morocco!	0:14:11	0:14:13
Yes, Miranda in Morocco.	0:14:13	0:14:15
They'll rename it Miracco.	0:14:15	0:14:18
LAUGHTER	0:14:18	0:14:19
I won't have to go to mum's vows.	0:14:19	0:14:20
Don't tell her I'm going. I won't tell anyone.	0:14:20	0:14:22
-SHE GASPS -Will you take the kittens?	0:14:22	0:14:24
-Of course, but are you really doing this? -Yeah.	0:14:24	0:14:26
I am out of here, Stevie.	0:14:26	0:14:28
I shall maraca to Miracco. Yeah?	0:14:28	0:14:34
-CHANTS: -How is this, Harpenden?	0:14:34	0:14:37
This...	0:14:37	0:14:38
This, my friend...	0:14:38	0:14:40
is exotic.	0:14:40	0:14:42
Nay, erotic.	0:14:42	0:14:44
Ah, three, four, five, six.	0:14:44	0:14:45
LAUGHTER	0:14:45	0:14:47
Well, it's less good with just the stick, but, er...	0:14:48	0:14:51
I can rock it.	0:14:51	0:14:52
Percussion!	0:14:52	0:14:54
-Ahh... -MOROCCAN MUSIC PLAYS -This is better.	0:14:56	0:14:59
Gary who?	0:14:59	0:15:00
MUSIC STOPS	0:15:02	0:15:03
Well, don't judge me.	0:15:03	0:15:04
No, I know we've been here before,	0:15:04	0:15:06
but you know how much I love a hotel room.	0:15:06	0:15:09
I just went to the bathroom.	0:15:10	0:15:12
The loo roll had a pointy tip!	0:15:12	0:15:14
Is there a random spare pillow in the top of the cupboard?	0:15:16	0:15:19
Yes, there is!	0:15:20	0:15:22
Hotel slipper. Brilliant.	0:15:22	0:15:25
-KNOCK AT DOOR -Ooh...	0:15:25	0:15:27
Although always too small and hard to walk in, the hotel slippers.	0:15:27	0:15:31
Friction-tastic.	0:15:31	0:15:33
-You ordered extra milk. -Yes, do come in, thank you.	0:15:33	0:15:36
I always find it takes at least 20 what I call milklets	0:15:36	0:15:40
to make a cup of tea.	0:15:40	0:15:42
We've met before.	0:15:42	0:15:44
Yes.	0:15:44	0:15:46
LAUGHTER	0:15:46	0:15:47
Oh, well, nice to see you again...	0:15:47	0:15:49
Jason.	0:15:49	0:15:50
You are lovely.	0:15:50	0:15:52
LAUGHTER	0:15:52	0:15:53
Youthful, yet rugged.	0:15:54	0:15:56
Now I wanted...oh!	0:15:57	0:15:59
Hi, yes, I wanted to order an early turn-down.	0:16:03	0:16:06
Thank you.	0:16:06	0:16:07
Oh, Jason!	0:16:09	0:16:11
THEY SCREAM	0:16:11	0:16:13
I knew it!	0:16:15	0:16:16
You say you've gone abroad. You're at the Hamilton Lodge.	0:16:16	0:16:19
Gary's been looking for you.	0:16:19	0:16:21
-Oh, no! -He says your phone's off.	0:16:21	0:16:23
-No! -I knew there was hope.	0:16:23	0:16:25
You're coming back!	0:16:25	0:16:26
Get out of my duvet!	0:16:26	0:16:28
LAUGHTER	0:16:28	0:16:29
I want to duvet cocoon.	0:16:29	0:16:31
Oh, stop cocooning! I'm stuck!	0:16:31	0:16:33
OK, well, hold still, and I'll mount out.	0:16:33	0:16:36
Turn-down service...	0:16:36	0:16:37
LAUGHTER	0:16:38	0:16:40
I'll come back.	0:16:40	0:16:41
She was just mounting.	0:16:41	0:16:43
Don't say that.	0:16:43	0:16:44
You're blocking my exit!	0:16:44	0:16:46
OK, everything you're saying.	0:16:46	0:16:47
-Look, I'll go. -No, no, no. Stay, stay, stay. I think I can... -Ohh!	0:16:47	0:16:51
-That's better. -No!	0:16:51	0:16:54
Sorry. There we go.	0:16:54	0:16:55
Just, er...	0:16:55	0:16:56
Just turn me down, thank you.	0:16:56	0:16:58
It's 11 o'clock in the mo...	0:16:58	0:16:59
Oh!	0:16:59	0:17:00
Wow!	0:17:00	0:17:01
LAUGHTER	0:17:01	0:17:02
You're a bit...	0:17:02	0:17:03
Sorry.	0:17:03	0:17:05
Why do you even want a turn-down?	0:17:05	0:17:07
Why do I want a turn-down?!	0:17:07	0:17:09
Because you slip in, roll over, there's a chocolate!	0:17:09	0:17:13
She doesn't need a turn-down service.	0:17:13	0:17:15
Just turn me down.	0:17:15	0:17:16
I might just go.	0:17:16	0:17:17
Turn me down!	0:17:17	0:17:18
I'm going to start a new life...	0:17:19	0:17:21
With Jason.	0:17:21	0:17:23
MESSAGE TONE	0:17:23	0:17:25
It's from Gary. He says,	0:17:26	0:17:27
"If you're with Miranda, please tell her to come and talk."	0:17:27	0:17:30
Right, you're not selling the flat or going anywhere	0:17:30	0:17:32
without talking to him.	0:17:32	0:17:33
You'd regret it.	0:17:33	0:17:35
You're right.	0:17:35	0:17:36
Well...	0:17:37	0:17:38
We'll always have room 24.	0:17:38	0:17:40
LAUGHTER	0:17:40	0:17:42
I could slip in to the turn-down.	0:17:42	0:17:46
BOTH: Oh, dear.	0:17:46	0:17:48
BOTH: We're cougars! THEY GROWL	0:17:48	0:17:51
LAUGHTER	0:17:51	0:17:52
BOTH: Sorry.	0:17:52	0:17:53
Sorry. We've let ourselves down.	0:17:53	0:17:55
OK.	0:17:55	0:17:56
So sorry. Quick!	0:17:56	0:17:57
BOTH: Last look.	0:18:02	0:18:03
LAUGHTER	0:18:03	0:18:05
BOTH: Ohhh...	0:18:05	0:18:06
LAUGHTER	0:18:06	0:18:07
-Free stuff! Get free stuff! -Free stuff! -I want a sewing kit!	0:18:07	0:18:09
-No... -A tiny little... -I'm taking a kettle!	0:18:09	0:18:12
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE	0:18:12	0:18:15
Oh, hi!	0:18:19	0:18:20
Oh, I'm so relieved. I thought you'd gone away.	0:18:20	0:18:22
So...	0:18:22	0:18:24
I need to say...	0:18:24	0:18:25
LAUGHTER	0:18:27	0:18:28
What?	0:18:28	0:18:30
Oh, sorry.	0:18:30	0:18:31
I'll be in room 24. Phwoar!	0:18:31	0:18:34
LAUGHTER	0:18:34	0:18:35
Miranda, please don't go away.	0:18:37	0:18:39
I can't imagine you not being around,	0:18:39	0:18:40
and I know I said just friends, but...	0:18:40	0:18:43
-HE SIGHS -But what?	0:18:45	0:18:46
But...	0:18:46	0:18:47
You can't say any more, Gary.	0:18:49	0:18:51
You don't have a but.	0:18:51	0:18:52
I mean, you have a physical butt.	0:18:52	0:18:54
Your physical butt is second to none.	0:18:54	0:18:56
Sorry. But, um...	0:18:56	0:18:58
Well, you'll never man up for your emotional but.	0:18:58	0:19:01
So...	0:19:01	0:19:02
This lady has a-flown. She is a-sailing.	0:19:02	0:19:05
I swish now. That's a chair.	0:19:05	0:19:08
(That's a chair.)	0:19:08	0:19:10
I swish now.	0:19:10	0:19:11
LAUGHTER	0:19:11	0:19:12
APPLAUSE	0:19:12	0:19:13
Right. Is that all of you?	0:19:16	0:19:18
Now, Stevie's taking me to the airport,	0:19:18	0:19:20
and then she'll come and get you, OK?	0:19:20	0:19:23
MIRANDA SIGHS	0:19:23	0:19:24
Well, at least we had a great last round of our favourite game.	0:19:24	0:19:28
Where's Miranda..?	0:19:29	0:19:31
'Unidentified item in the bagging area.'	0:19:31	0:19:33
LAUGHTER	0:19:34	0:19:36
Unidentified item. BOTH: Funny!	0:19:36	0:19:40
Bye, flat.	0:19:40	0:19:42
I'm sorry I had to sell you, but I hope you have some lovely new owners.	0:19:42	0:19:45
I'm talking to a flat.	0:19:45	0:19:46
LAUGHTER	0:19:46	0:19:48
AUDIENCE: Aww...	0:19:50	0:19:51
'Please hold the handrail, and disembark safely.'	0:19:51	0:19:54
Health and safety gone mad! It's just an escalator.	0:19:54	0:19:56
Ooh!	0:19:56	0:19:57
BOTH: Surprising!	0:19:58	0:19:59
Ooh!	0:19:59	0:20:00
THEY HUM "LEAVING ON A JET PLANE"	0:20:02	0:20:05
-MIRANDA SIGHS -Right, this is it.	0:20:07	0:20:10
I'll miss you so much.	0:20:10	0:20:12
BOTH: Bye.	0:20:12	0:20:13
Why the zigzag when there's no-one here?	0:20:20	0:20:22
LAUGHTER	0:20:24	0:20:25
STEVIE SCREAMS	0:20:28	0:20:29
-Is this your bag, madam? -Yes, is there a problem?	0:20:35	0:20:37
It is now a suspicious package, madam.	0:20:37	0:20:39
Excuse me.	0:20:39	0:20:40
I do not have a suspicious package.	0:20:40	0:20:42
Well, it looks like a pretty suspicious package to us.	0:20:42	0:20:44
Well, if you don't pardon the euphemism,	0:20:44	0:20:46
you're more likely to have a suspicious package.	0:20:46	0:20:48
LAUGHTER	0:20:48	0:20:50
Do you want to let the cat out of the bag?	0:20:50	0:20:52
Open the case, please.	0:20:52	0:20:53
AUDIENCE: Ahh...	0:20:55	0:20:56
Someone needs to let the cat out of the bag...	0:20:58	0:21:01
HE LAUGHS	0:21:01	0:21:02
I'll need to report this.	0:21:05	0:21:07
Well, she obviously just got in there when I was packing.	0:21:07	0:21:09
Can't you put her in a taxi to my home? Because I've got to get a flight.	0:21:09	0:21:12
I'd get in to trouble if I didn't let the cat out of the bag about letting the cat out of the bag.	0:21:12	0:21:16
-HE LAUGHS -You may not have noticed,	0:21:16	0:21:18
but I didn't find the cat in the bag joke funny the first time.	0:21:18	0:21:21
-Someone needs to let the cat out of the bag. -THEY LAUGH	0:21:21	0:21:24
Terry, did you hear what I said?	0:21:24	0:21:25
Because she's got a cat in her bag.	0:21:25	0:21:27
Oh, yeah, look.	0:21:27	0:21:29
Someone needs to let the cat out of the bag.	0:21:29	0:21:31
HE LAUGHS	0:21:31	0:21:32
Someone needs to let the cat out of the bag.	0:21:32	0:21:34
THEY LAUGH	0:21:34	0:21:35
If I hear cat in the bag one more time, I will blow.	0:21:35	0:21:38
I swear, I will blow!	0:21:38	0:21:39
Ooh!	0:21:39	0:21:40
LAUGHTER	0:21:40	0:21:41
Oh!	0:21:42	0:21:43
Well, in some ways, this has ended how I'd like it.	0:21:44	0:21:47
Tena pads!	0:21:52	0:21:54
Oh, there you are, darling.	0:21:55	0:21:58
You've just missed Pass the HRT Parcel.	0:21:58	0:22:00
Now it's time for Pin the Tail on Carol Vorderman's rear of the year.	0:22:00	0:22:05
STEVIE GASPS	0:22:06	0:22:08
Oh, big one!	0:22:08	0:22:09
What are you doing? I'm on an emotional rollercoaster here.	0:22:09	0:22:12
Sheila was in my bag.	0:22:12	0:22:14
-STEVIE LAUGHS -Don't laugh.	0:22:14	0:22:15
Oh, Stevie, I was so ready to go.	0:22:15	0:22:17
-Grab the globe. Wherever it lands, you go. -Right.	0:22:17	0:22:20
I bloody love Vorders!	0:22:20	0:22:22
Ooh!	0:22:22	0:22:23
BOTH: Wick?	0:22:25	0:22:27
Tippety top of Scotland.	0:22:27	0:22:29
In the UK, can go by train.	0:22:29	0:22:31
No suntan lotions, no bikinis, lots of batter.	0:22:31	0:22:35
Look up times, my petite amigo.	0:22:35	0:22:37
With my body I honour you as often as you need a good honouring.	0:22:37	0:22:41
THEY LAUGH	0:22:41	0:22:42
There's one at 9:00am... But you'd miss the vows.	0:22:42	0:22:45
Book it, book it!	0:22:45	0:22:47
BOOK IT!	0:22:48	0:22:50
Right.	0:22:53	0:22:54
This is it.	0:22:54	0:22:55
SWELLING PIANO MELODY PLAYS	0:22:55	0:23:00
MUSIC OVER HEADPHONES	0:23:00	0:23:02
I'm sorry, but I'm leaving home and there was swelling music, so...	0:23:13	0:23:17
Tyrone!	0:23:17	0:23:18
Look what this woman done!	0:23:18	0:23:19
LAUGHTER	0:23:19	0:23:20
PIANO MUSIC RESUMES	0:23:20	0:23:24
Wait!	0:23:34	0:23:35
I'm on the wrong train. I'm on the wrong bleeding train.	0:23:43	0:23:46
Wait!	0:23:49	0:23:50
-Ooh! -LAUGHTER	0:23:51	0:23:53
Stevie told you.	0:23:56	0:23:58
And I came straight away.	0:23:58	0:23:59
I've got something to say.	0:23:59	0:24:01
Oi! There she is.	0:24:01	0:24:02
-Youths! -Youths? -Run! -Oh, Miranda, what have you done now? -Run!	0:24:02	0:24:05
-Wait for me! -Come on!	0:24:05	0:24:07
They won't be able to run for long. Their trousers will trip them up.	0:24:07	0:24:11
Come on!	0:24:11	0:24:12
And you were right, I needed to... Need to man up.	0:24:15	0:24:19
I'm just sorry it's taken me so long.	0:24:19	0:24:21
So...	0:24:22	0:24:23
When Stevie told me that you were leaving,	0:24:23	0:24:25
I knew what I had to do.	0:24:25	0:24:27
I had to let you go.	0:24:27	0:24:29
-But... -There's a but.	0:24:29	0:24:31
Yeah, I'm manning up for my but.	0:24:31	0:24:33
Don't!	0:24:33	0:24:34
But...	0:24:35	0:24:36
I realised...	0:24:38	0:24:39
I can't let you go.	0:24:40	0:24:42
Cos it's...it's always been you.	0:24:42	0:24:44
Nice but.	0:24:45	0:24:47
LAUGHTER	0:24:47	0:24:48
Are you sure, Gary? Cos I sculpt fruit and call them names.	0:24:48	0:24:52
And when my breasts are bra-free, I can fit not just a pencil under them	0:24:52	0:24:55
but both remote controls - it's where I keep them.	0:24:55	0:24:57
AUDIENCE CHEERS	0:24:59	0:25:01
APPLAUSE	0:25:01	0:25:03
Wow!	0:25:05	0:25:07
Was the remote control thing that sexy?	0:25:07	0:25:10
GARY CHUCKLES	0:25:10	0:25:11
No-one can match up to you.	0:25:11	0:25:13
I love you.	0:25:13	0:25:15
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE	0:25:15	0:25:17
What are you doing?	0:25:20	0:25:21
-Bored of you already! -What..?	0:25:21	0:25:22
-I've got to go to the restaurant. -Oh!	0:25:22	0:25:24
-They're going to be back from the ceremony in like ten minutes. -OK.	0:25:24	0:25:27
-Er... -I'll change and come over. -OK.	0:25:27	0:25:29
LAUGHTER	0:25:33	0:25:34
I forgot to say...	0:25:37	0:25:38
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE	0:25:40	0:25:41
And we need the survey done as soon as possible.	0:25:45	0:25:47
-BOTH: Found it! -Oh!	0:25:47	0:25:49
You?!	0:25:49	0:25:51
You're buying the flat?	0:25:51	0:25:52
Well, I'm sorry, but actually, it is no longer for sale.	0:25:52	0:25:56
But we...	0:25:56	0:25:57
Oh, sorry, it's not just you that's all loved-up.	0:25:57	0:26:01
BOTH: Bye.	0:26:03	0:26:04
AUDIENCE CHEERS	0:26:06	0:26:09
-Listen, I've really, really... I've got to go. -OK.	0:26:09	0:26:12
-I'll just, er... I'll see you in a sec. -See you later. -OK.	0:26:12	0:26:16
AUDIENCE CHEERS	0:26:16	0:26:18
MUSIC: "Together In Electric Dreams" By The Human League	0:26:18	0:26:21
Hello.	0:26:28	0:26:30
Hi!	0:26:30	0:26:32
Mmm!	0:26:32	0:26:33
-This is so weird. -I know!	0:26:33	0:26:35
Shall we tell everyone?	0:26:35	0:26:36
Oh, let's just wait for a bit.	0:26:36	0:26:38
I don't think I can.	0:26:38	0:26:39
Today? Everyone's here. I mean, let's just wait and then...	0:26:39	0:26:43
What?	0:26:43	0:26:44
Well, the thought of telling everyone and you froze.	0:26:44	0:26:47
OK, I'm scared.	0:26:47	0:26:48
I think, can I meet your needs? Can I...	0:26:48	0:26:50
Yeah, you see, I know that you think that I'm needy but I'm not actually.	0:26:50	0:26:53
I am with you because...	0:26:53	0:26:55
you never affirm, Gary.	0:26:55	0:26:58
If a man says, "I love you,"	0:26:58	0:27:00
then that's all she needs.	0:27:00	0:27:02
I can't go for this if you're holding back.	0:27:03	0:27:06
-GARY SIGHS -Just be patient, please, for me?	0:27:06	0:27:10
Ooh!	0:27:11	0:27:13
You've had more farewells than Cher.	0:27:14	0:27:17
LAUGHTER	0:27:17	0:27:18
Are you staying?	0:27:18	0:27:20
I don't know.	0:27:20	0:27:21
CHEERING	0:27:21	0:27:22
That was quick, you're back!	0:27:22	0:27:25
Oh! Darling!	0:27:25	0:27:28
Oh, there's someone here who'll be delighted. Where's he gone?	0:27:28	0:27:31
Mike!	0:27:34	0:27:35
What are you... are you back for good?	0:27:36	0:27:38
Well, that depends on...	0:27:38	0:27:40
Well...a few weeks in Africa was enough for me to know.	0:27:40	0:27:43
Miranda...	0:27:43	0:27:45
Will you marry me?	0:27:46	0:27:47
MIRANDA GASPS	0:27:47	0:27:49
What do you say?	0:27:49	0:27:50
Well?	0:27:52	0:27:53
What DO you say?	0:27:53	0:27:54
What do YOU say?	0:27:54	0:27:55
Miranda?	0:27:55	0:27:57
Er...	0:27:57	0:27:58
OK.	0:27:58	0:28:00
AUDIENCE CHEERS	0:28:01	0:28:03
Miranda...	0:28:03	0:28:04
Will you marry me?	0:28:04	0:28:06
THEY GASP	0:28:06	0:28:08
You're just saying!	0:28:08	0:28:09
Just say yes!	0:28:09	0:28:11
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE	0:28:11	0:28:13
To who?	0:28:14	0:28:15
It doesn't matter!	0:28:15	0:28:17
Miranda?	0:28:19	0:28:20
PIANO MUSIC SWELLS	0:28:20	0:28:24
ORCHESTRAL CRESCENDO	0:28:34	0:28:37
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd	0:28:45	0:28:48

A Brief Encounter Miranda

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Series 3

Miranda

Three Little Words

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