Episode 7 Mock the Week

This programme contains some strong language.

# Read about the things that happen throughout the world

# Don't believe in everything you see or hear

# Read all about it Read all about it

# News of the world News of the world

# Read all about it Read all about it

# News of the world News of the world. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello and welcome to Mock The Week. I'm Dara O Briain.

Joining me this week are Andy Parsons, Katherine Ryan and Ed Byrne,

Rob Beckett, Hugh Dennis and Stewart Francis.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH

We start with a round called If This Is The Answer, What Is The Question?

On the board are six categories. Rob, which category would you like?

-Politics, I'll have a bit of that.

-Your category is politics.

The answer is 13. What is the question?

Is it the number of people on X Factor's first episode

with dead relatives?

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Is it if Wayne Rooney went to Real Madrid instead of Gareth Bale,

how many months would it have taken him

to manage the Spanish for "hello"?

LAUGHTER

Is it, I know what it is, is it

when Louis Walsh goes over to One Direction's house to play ping pong,

how many little white balls are in the room?

LAUGHTER

-That's what it is.

-Actually, spot-on, mathematically.

Is it on which day of Christmas

do Wonga.com come and repossess everything?

LAUGHTER

Is the number of BBC programmes currently hosted by Dara O Briain?

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Is it how many times did I have to watch that Miley Cyrus video before

I could really consider myself to be well-informed on the subject?

LAUGHTER

Is it in fact how many times a day does Oscar Pistorius think,

"Well, I suppose I could just have knocked"?

LAUGHTER AND GROANS

Is it the number of feet required by the restraining order that

I have on Brian Blessed?

LAUGHTER

-IMITATING BRIAN BLESSED:

-Stewart, I know you want some!

LAUGHTER

Is it the number of soldiers France will actually send to Syria?

LAUGHTER

-A bit of politics there, mate.

-Yeah.

At what age do you realise that One Direction might be shit?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Can we have a correct answer, please?

What is the atomic number for unluckium?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Very good, very good. You slipped it under the wire. Nice, yeah.

Correct answer?

It was by how many votes

did the Government lose the crucial vote on Syria?

Yes, it was, thank you very much, Hugh Dennis, well done.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes, the question I was looking for was,

by how many votes was Prime Minister David Cameron defeated

in Parliament last week on the proposed military strike on Syria?

This is the news that, after recalling Parliament early,

the coalition lost the vote by 272 votes to 285.

39 members of the coalition voted against the motion.

Nothing, after a really funny round, gets the mood up in a room

like Syria being mentioned,

a situation of deep political complexity

and huge humanitarian sensitivity,

the kind of stuff that Mock The Week does so well historically.

I heard that some of the ministers missed the vote

because a bell wasn't functioning. I don't understand that

because everyone in Parliament is a functioning bell.

LAUGHTER

I guess a number of them didn't actually... Justine Greening,

who's the International Development Secretary

and the Foreign Office Minister Mark Simmonds said they didn't

-hear the bell because they were in a room discussing Rwanda.

-Wink, wink!

LAUGHTER

That old chestnut!

Let us not deliberately imply anything other...

A-ha-ha!

LAUGHTER

I'm with you, Dara.

We should just legally point out that it's perfectly reasonable

for the International Development Secretary

and the Foreign Office Minister to discuss Rwanda at any stage.

Boing-oing-oing-oing!

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Parliament, I think, you know, the vote went against Cameron

because Parliament were very worried that going to war

is like a mobile phone contract.

It's very easy to start, it's impossible to leave

and it's very expensive when you're abroad.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

It's a bit rich, though, that Labour have come out

so heavily against any kind of action though, isn't it?

Labour are rather like,

"Oh, we shouldn't be, not without UN support and not if it's illegal."

-Memories are kind of short, aren't they?

-Yes.

-Don't you remember Iraq?

It just seems a bit much,

Labour taking this hard line with the Tories on this.

It's a bit like Madonna phoning up Lady Gaga and going,

"For God's sake, put some clothes on."

LAUGHTER

Well, the thing is, with Assad, you know,

the way they're stopping him killing innocent civilians

is probably not sending cruise missiles which are liable to

kill innocent civilians, but we need to send him something to make him

think twice about using chemical weapons again.

Something surprising.

I'm thinking Atomic Kitten. They've just reformed.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-The thing is...

-Do you know what?

Of the many criteria on which you judge that I think surprise,

it definitely rates very highly.

Which line-up of Atomic Kitten are you planning to send in?

Well, if you send in Kerry Katona with a credit card,

she will bankrupt the country. LAUGHTER

Kerry Katona would bring more chemicals in, though, so...

LAUGHTER

According to Obama now this is going to harm the special relationship

and John Kerry as well has said that the special relationship

is now in jeopardy, which I think is good,

because I think the special relationship

has always been a bit creepy,

especially when you consider the age difference between the UK and the US.

LAUGHTER

The special relationship fell apart about ten years ago,

didn't it, in Love Actually, when Hugh Grant was in charge.

LAUGHTER

Is this why you chose Politics as a choice?

I always think, you know, if you're not sure on something,

give it a go, it might be for you. Um...

LAUGHTER

-How has Obama reacted to this then?

-Oh, very badly.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

He's done his homework.

Yes, yes, in fact there's a picture of him here in one of the most

brash political photographs I've seen in a long time.

Essentially... Essentially going, "I'm not happy

"and I've got my ass-kicking shoes on right here."

He's essentially saying, "I'm just giving my balls of it of air."

LAUGHTER

He's on the phone going,

"Yes, the desk is doing that thing of floating off the ground again.

"I've got it under control for the moment

"but if you can send somebody with some weights or something."

Joe Biden is of no help in this situation. He's just looking on.

I heard they were discussing Rwanda as well.

Doing-oing-oing!

LAUGHTER

If that was a photograph of Bill Clinton,

you'd think they'd just airbrushed Monica Lewinsky out of it.

LAUGHTER

This is a power move.

One power move is to sit and eat

when you're in a tete-a-tete with someone.

Another is lunging, like look how you feel now,

we're kind of having an argument.

What about now?

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

Then you know karate's on its way.

-Was it to eat, was the other one, was it?

-Good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, OK.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Why's he got three phones?

I know he's the President - he's got three phones.

He might have three phone calls.

Fair enough.

In fairness, you'd think, though, he might have a secretary,

or one phone that was capable of taking many lines.

Yeah. It does seem unusual that he's going,

"I don't know, I-I-I'll try to find out.

"Mm, er, I've got somebody else on this phone here.

"Wait a minute, wait on the line, both of you wait on the line!

"I'm going to ring the other number. Argh! This isn't working for me!"

LAUGHTER

Obama's foot on the desk, I think it would be funny

if a comedian on a panel show were to say, "It's Barack here,

"I'm going to put you on SNEAKER-phone."

I think that would be funny if a comedian on a panel show...

LAUGHTER

I think it would be funny.

Speaking of the continent, what is France's position...?

Doggy style.

LAUGHTER

-I've been...I've been there.

-OK. But...

Next topic.

Yeah, cos that's that topic settled.

LAUGHTER

In other news.

What has Cheryl Cole spent a reported 50 hours doing?

She has had a new tattoo done all over her back.

It's all over her bum as well. There we go.

You know, now, she doesn't look bad, does she, it looks good,

having four roses tattooed on your arse.

You're thinking, "That's a mistake though."

In ten years' time that is going to look like Kew Garden, isn't it?

LAUGHTER

-Everyone's hacking on her, harshin' on her, as the kids say.

-ED LAUGHS

-Thanks, Ed. Um...

-LAUGHTER

They get into the regional stereotypes.

She's from Newcastle, she is a Geordie,

so there's a good chance - once, twice a week -

she's going to take a shit outside, right?

-LAUGHTER

-It's what they do.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

So she can squat in a rose garden,

twist one off, Bob's your uncle.

LAUGHTER

-Well done, Cheryl.

-It apparently took 50 hours.

50 hours to get it done.

But you're thinking, well, you know,

while she was having the tattoo done she wasn't making

or releasing music, so it's not all bad news, is it, you know?

APPLAUSE

When she does sex the naughty way, is it called botany now?

LAUGHTER

I guess her real worry is she'll get stalked by Alan Titchmarsh

with an aphid spray.

If you're going to have your entire arse done as a tattoo,

have something a bit more practical.

Maybe like a pair of shorts or something like that.

LAUGHTER

When the weather's a bit hot, you know, you think,

"Down we go, nobody'll notice."

LAUGHTER

I think if I was going out with Cheryl Cole, I would definitely get

a picture of some secateurs tattooed on my penis.

LAUGHTER

-She actually...

-That would look quite funny.

-Like a little...?

-It'd look like you're pruning a bush.

LAUGHTER

Also, you wouldn't use a condom, would you?

You'd use a Fisons grow bag.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

OK, at the end of that round, the points go to Rob...

Oh, you're not bringing it to an end, are you?

I'm SO bringing that to an end.

You just get like a watering can tattooed all here.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

How cool would that be? A whole watering can!

APPLAUSE

Surely...

That would look awesome.

..you would get a bee tattooed on your cock.

That would be a bit ridiculously large bee, though.

APPLAUSE

And you'd go, "Daddy want pollen."

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

At the end of that round, the points go to Rob, Hugh and Stewart.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now we play a round called School Of Hard Mocks.

This game involves Rob, Andy and Stewart,

so if you could make your way to the performance area, please.

This round is a stand-up challenge.

I'll launch the Wheel Of News and wherever it chooses to stop,

one of our performers must step forward and talk about that subject.

The winner is whoever I think is the funniest.

OK, here we go, let's spin the wheel.

Your first subject is consumerism. Who wants to come in on that?

Andy Parsons.

So, we always like to have a go at politicians, don't we,

for getting us into debt, but we, we're also addicted to debt, aren't we?

People waste their stuff.

On loads of nonsense, isn't it,

things like personalised number plates, don't ever do it.

Anybody can get a personalised number plate, yeah?

You can change your name by deed poll for a tenner, right?

LAUGHTER

Just change your name to your car registration number.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

And it's the same people going, "Oh, yeah, look, I've got a new watch,

"I've got a new watch, I have, yeah. It's a diver's watch, yeah?

"Goes down to a depth of 200 metres, this does."

200 metres is the depth of the North Sea.

If you find yourself at the bottom of the North Sea, you're not diving.

LAUGHTER

The ship has sunk, the air bubble is running out

and it's going to be little consolation

you know what the bloody time is.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much, Andy Parsons.

OK, let's spin the wheel again.

The next subject is food.

Who wants to come in on that? Rob.

I like food. I eat it most days. Um...

LAUGHTER

And the thing is I've moved out of my Mum's now,

so I go home and see my Mum and Dad and I'm excited to see them,

but I'm more excited to see the contents of the fridge.

LAUGHTER

She's on a diet, my mum, right?

She got all the brothers round, my brothers around for a Sunday lunch.

Do you know what she did the whole family for Sunday lunch? Couscous.

For lunch, right?

I rung ChildLine, they didn't want to know.

LAUGHTER

I don't trust couscous, to be honest with you.

Anything you put in your mouth that feels already chewed

should not be in there.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

It's fat sand, I don't want any part of it, right?

She served it with toasted pitta bread.

Have you ever toasted pitta? Why is it so hot?

LAUGHTER

It's only a bit of folded bread, what's its problem? LAUGHTER

A bit of toast pops out warm and toasty. The pitta's on fire!

Once you get past the outer,

you've got the dragon breath inside to deal with.

There's only two things in the world hotter than toasted pitta bread.

One's the sun, yeah?

And the other's a cheese and tomato toasted sandwich.

LAUGHTER

What's that prick's problem, right?

What's its problem, do you know what I mean?

The cheese, I've not got a problem with the cheese.

The tomatoes, they're little slices of lava.

LAUGHTER

I put it in a toasted sandwich maker, not Dante's Peak, what are you doing?

LAUGHTER

You bite into it, anchor on to the slice, you pull the sandwich away,

the slice stays, slaps you on the face, burns your face off.

Three days, I had a big red circle like that.

I looked like a thirsty dog!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Well done, Rob.

OK, that leaves us with Stewart. Let's see what you've got.

Let's spin the wheel.

And the topic is jobs. Away you go.

Was my French teacher into golden showers?

Oui.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I'm a Canadian comedian, but if people think I'm Russian,

So-vi-et.

LAUGHTER

As a gynaecologist, I was terrified of vaginas.

I won't go into it.

LAUGHTER

Very sad, I've just come back from the funeral of my coke dealer.

HE SNIFFS

LAUGHTER

HE SNIFFS AGAIN

I was fired as a Boy Scout leader.

I wasn't prepared for that.

LAUGHTER

I used to be a sarcastic high jump coach.

Get over it!

LAUGHTER

I used to be a professional table tennis player

in Southeast Asia, and recently I went back for a big party.

Oh, it was a real Hong Kong ping-pong ding-dong.

LAUGHTER

And then someone fired up the old karaoke machine. Oh!

It was a real Hong Kong ping-pong ding-dong sing-song.

LAUGHTER

Then someone rang the door bell.

LAUGHTER

Cops.

It was the cops.

I used to be a cop.

One night, a guy asked me if he could urinate on my wrist, I said,

"Not on my watch."

LAUGHTER AND GROANS

Thank you very much! Good night!

Thank you very much, Stewart Francis.

Points there for Stewart and Rob.

And Andy, what the hell, everyone gets points.

APPLAUSE

Now we'll play a game called Picture Of The Week.

I show the panel a topical image

and ask them to tell me what's happening.

So what's going on here?

Have Newcastle United signed three new players?

LAUGHTER

Is it badgers protesting against the possible culling of Brian May?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I hope nobody blows on his hair,

cos there'd be a field of dandelions.

LAUGHTER

Is Brian May supporting a charity for black dogs

that have been run over by road-marking lorries?

LAUGHTER

That's Brian May and the Pepe Le Pew Appreciation Society.

LAUGHTER

The guy on the right's like, "I couldn't find me badger costume,

"so I just painted stripes on me Womble mask."

LAUGHTER

Does anyone know what it actually is?

It's part of Brian May campaigning to save the badgers from the cull.

Absolutely. Thank you very much, Ed Byrne.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes. Of course, this is the news that protests have begun

in the wake of the badger cull in the West of England.

Trained marksmen, including farmers, have been granted a licence

to shoot up to 80 badgers each night

in the first of the government's controlled pilot schemes

to destroy up to 5,000 badgers

in a bid to tackle the spread of bovine tuberculosis.

People have objected to this, though, have they not?

Well, the thing is that people love badgers,

and people love hedgehogs, but people don't know

that badgers eat hedgehogs, so the government have got it all wrong.

Instead of campaigning to kill the badgers,

campaign to save the hedgehogs, and then the same people

dressing up as badgers would be dressed as hedgehogs,

going "Save the hedgehog!"

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Cutest. Cutest.

Yes, they eat hedgehogs, and bizarrely, hedgehogs and skylarks.

That is a...

That's a bit of hunting that I never thought the badger

would be capable of, just flying behind a skylark,

on a set of improvised wings, with a skylark mask.

You know when they're in that "V", when they migrate,

and it's eating the last one in the line and moving forward one,

and they're going, "Is there something behind us?"

And there's a badger, floating.

LAUGHTER

"Don't mind me! I'm another Skylark! Bwakawk!"

It's going to make Springwatch more interesting,

cos it will be a bit like it's been

directed by Quentin Tarantino now, won't it?

It'll certainly make it very tense.

"Oh, we join them outside the sett. And they slowly..."

Boom!

"Well, it's an explosive end to tonight's Springwatch...

"Waited eight hours to see that badger."

I mean, even the coverage around it,

this is how the Sunday Telegraph ran the story about the badger cull.

It's just an unfortunate conjunction of photograph and headline there.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Implying that it's essentially the Crimean War at this stage.

And badgers, they eat eggs.

And they just complain and they eat like rotten fruit

and they get drunk off it.

They're basically the elderly. We don't need 'em.

LAUGHTER

Yeah, but, you do feel a bit sorry for them,

because the whole Syria thing is about we need more evidence before

-we take action, there is no evidence that culling badgers works.

-Yeah.

And the badgers, presumably, are thinking,

"Why are you attacking us without a UN mandate?"

Who has joined forces with Brian May in protest of the badger cull?

-Brian... Brian Blessed?

-Yes, Brian Blessed has, as well.

There he is.

Yes, they have released, there's a single,

which has become quite popular because of shows like this,

for example, going on about it because it's great.

We even have a clip of the video, which is

the Badger Badger Badger, Save The Badger song.

# Oh, no! A cull!

# Badger badger badger Badger badger badger

# Badger badger badger Badger badger badger

# Save the badgers!

# Badger badger badger Badger badger badger

# Badger badger badger Badger badger badger

# Save the badgers! #

BADGERS PLAY QUEEN-STYLE GUITAR RIFF

BRIAN BLESSED: Keep the badgers aliiiiiiiiiive!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Clearly, that's how they catch the skylarks.

Moving on, what's up with this sad fellow?

AUDIENCE: Aww! Oh, no.

When I saw this photo, it reminded me

of a conversation I had with Dara, before he went in to make-up.

And that is...

LAUGHTER

And that is... Thank you.

Why does the comedy on television have to be so hurtful?

-This is Dara just after he...

-LAUGHTER

I'm not doing it!

APPLAUSE

Dara, Dara,

you've got a little something coming out of your lip there.

Oh, sorry, that was the other one.

I'm sorry, are we only doing this round so that you can do a lingering

comparison photograph with me and a blobfish? Are we...?

Any way we can move on from this?

That looks like William Hague

has swum too close to the Fukushima plant.

LAUGHTER

I think it's what most people on Match.com actually look like.

LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE

Has a badger sneezed itself inside out?

LAUGHTER

Does anyone know why he's in the news, the blobfish?

Is it because... Is this why fish normally comes in batter?

Is it Nemo checking into the Priory?

LAUGHTER

Did fame get to his head?

-Is it, in fact...?

-"Oh, man, I lost MYSELF!"

LAUGHTER

I think it's quite worrying,

because is it one of Jordan's implants that have become sentient?

"I wrote most of the first book myself."

LAUGHTER

No, it's been nominated,

the blobfish has been nominated by a organisation

called the Ugly Animal Preservation Society,

which is a conservation society that basically highlights the fact

that we tend to want to conserve cute, cuddly animals,

not delightful creatures like the blobfish.

Or the Titicaca water frog, which is not...

Which looks actually quite cool, to be honest.

-HUGH:

-It's not ugly at all, is it?

The pig-nosed turtle.

-AUDIENCE: Aww!

-He's OK, you know?

It just looks like a normal turtle with a gas mask.

LAUGHTER

And a perennial favourite, which is the proboscis monkey.

They're trying to save the pubic lice.

Why do you want to save the pubic lice?

Because pubic lice are dying out because of topiary...

-Brazilians, isn't it?

-Brazilians, and just general tidiness.

-Cleanliness.

-Are Brazilians going around killing pubic lice?

LAUGHTER

Yes. Because they spread...

You'd think they'd have better things to do, protecting their rainforest.

It's a bit weird having, like, ugliest animals, but it would

be even weirder if it was like, "Let's save the fittest ones."

Like, "Oh, this deer's got really nice horns."

LAUGHTER

At the end of that round, the points go to Ed, Katherine and Andy.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now we come to Scenes We'd Like To See,

so if everyone can

make their way over to the performance area,

I'll read out this week's topics and then we'll see

what our panellists can come up with. OK, here we go.

The first subject is...

..Extracts From DVDs That Would Never Sell.

Welcome to exercise for manic-depressives.

Down, up.

-LAUGHTER

-Down, up.

BUZZER

APPLAUSE

Welcome to this how to use a DVD instruction DVD.

LAUGHTER

First, put this DVD in the slot for the DVD.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

APPLAUSE

Steven Spielberg's Circumcision.

The Director's Cut.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

BUZZER

Welcome to the suffragettes' story with me, Miley Cyrus.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

SHE SIGHS DEEPLY

Ready to get fit, ladies?

It's Johnny Depp,

Pilates of the Caribbean.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

BUZZER

The main point of this self-help DVD is that only YOU can help you.

No need for me then, thanks for the 20 quid.

BUZZER

Hello, welcome to funeral etiquette.

When's the right time to fart?

BUZZER

We are in Africa, filming the continent's biggest predator -

Madonna in Malawi.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

Welcome to the best of German Who Do You Think You Are?

So, your grandfather was a...

OK, we'll leave it there.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

BUZZER

Welcome to the Best Of Test Match Special.

That one works...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

BUZZER

You have to do this. That really helps.

This is the DVD you've been waiting for,

all the tweets of Alan Sugar

read out loud by Stephen Hawking.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

Welcome to Filthy, Dirty Nurses 2,

The Rise Of MRSA.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

Hello, I'm Ed Byrne. Welcome to Wank Yourself Skinny.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

BUZZER

Work yourself thin with me,

teen sensation Stewart Francis.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

It's the DVD we've all been waiting for,

two politicians discussing Rwanda.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

OK, the next topic is...

Unlikely Things To Hear On A Motoring Programme.

Listen to that deep, throaty roar...

of the man I've just run over.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

George Michael says he's never driven a car

that's handled so well on the pavement.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Now, I would describe this car as being very nippy,

but apparently I'm not allowed to say that,

I have to say it's "made in Japan."

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

I'm about to shag a bloke...

Welcome to Ride My Pimp.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

Women everywhere have come together to announce their favourite car.

It's the red one!

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

This car has a fail-safe anti-theft device.

It's a Vauxhall Corsa.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

First, second, third, fourth,

yes, all my wives have divorced me

because I'm such a twat about cars.

Yay! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

BUZZER

It's just a car, innit, who gives a shit?

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you!

This car is actually owned by Jeremy Clarkson,

which is why I'm running my key along it now.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

My first impression is that the dashboard layout

is actually quite unorthodox and very minimalist.

There doesn't seem to be a steering...

Actually, I'm sitting in the back.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

HE SNIFFS

Ah! It still has that new hitchhiker smell.

AUDIENCE GROANS

BUZZER

I don't know about you,

but I think it would be quite nice to walk today.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

BUZZER

The sales have been surprisingly low for the new Renault Bellend.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

This car has been modified for the American market.

It's got six cup-holders, a sandwich stand,

and a small rotisserie attached to the dashboard.

LAUGHTER

BUZZER

This week on Top Gear we're going to be talking about some penises. Cars!

We're talking about cars! Cars! Ah! It's cars we're talking about.

BUZZER

This car's personalised management system remembers who you are

and how you drive.

This morning, it locked me out and told me to fuck off.

LAUGHTER BUZZER

Well done.

At the end of that, the points go to Ed, Katherine, and Andy!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And that's the end of the show.

This week's winners are Andy Parsons, Katherine Ryan,

and Ed Byrne!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Commiserations to Rob Beckett, Hugh Dennis and Stewart Francis.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you for watching. I'm Dara O Briain. Good night.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd