Chez Mammy Mrs Brown's Boys
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Transcript
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This programme contains some strong language and adult humour | 0:00:04 | 0:00:10 | |
SHE CACKLES | 0:00:10 | 0:00:11 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys! | 0:00:11 | 0:00:16 | |
# She's Mrs Brown That's Mrs Brown | 0:00:16 | 0:00:21 | |
# Our Mrs Brown. # | 0:00:21 | 0:00:24 | |
I wonder who Mammy does be talking to here in the mornings? | 0:00:31 | 0:00:35 | |
Is she doing a Shirley Valentine? | 0:00:35 | 0:00:38 | |
Hello, wall. Hello, mug... | 0:00:38 | 0:00:42 | |
-DOORBELL RINGS -Hello, doorbell... | 0:00:42 | 0:00:45 | |
Doorbell! | 0:00:45 | 0:00:46 | |
Can I help you? | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
-Is this the home of Mrs Agnes Brown? -Yes, it is. Why? | 0:00:55 | 0:00:57 | |
Come along, Missus. | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
Good God, Mammy, what's wrong? Come in! | 0:01:02 | 0:01:07 | |
We found her wandering around town in the cold. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:10 | |
She said she could remember her address but couldn't remember how to get here. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:14 | |
She seemed very confused, so we thought it best to bring her here. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
Thank you, Guard. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
-Come on Mammy, let's get you out of that coat. -I'm fine. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:23 | |
Can you just leave them in the kitchen? | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
-Maybe you should lie down? -I'm fine, Dermot. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:31 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
Wrong house! | 0:01:47 | 0:01:50 | |
-Thanks again, Guard. -No problem. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:56 | |
By the way - Buster Brady called. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
Hello! Oh, God, it's cold out there! | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
By the way, don't mind me. I'm fine. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:13 | |
Just it was freezing cold and snowing and I couldn't get a taxi | 0:02:13 | 0:02:15 | |
and I'm fucked if I'm carrying all that shopping home on my own! | 0:02:15 | 0:02:20 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:02:22 | 0:02:26 | |
Leave it! Step away from the phone! | 0:02:28 | 0:02:31 | |
Hello? | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
Oui. Bonjour, Gaston! | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
-SHE GIGGLES -Tres bien... | 0:02:38 | 0:02:42 | |
Oh, merci! | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
"Ooh, merci!" | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
Pardon, mon amour... | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
I'll take this upstairs, thank you! | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
Eddie bee-dee, bom-bom, bom-bom! | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
What's that all about, do you think? | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
-Hiya, Mammy! -Hello, Rory! | 0:03:01 | 0:03:03 | |
I just slipped out for a quick cuppa... Get a bit of peace. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:06 | |
-Peace from what? -Dino. He's doing me head in - about the insurance claim. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:11 | |
What about it? | 0:03:11 | 0:03:12 | |
There's paperwork to be done and he's just keeps going on and | 0:03:12 | 0:03:16 | |
on and on... | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
I swear sometimes he's like a whingeing little girl. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:22 | |
Am I? | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
Am I a whingeing little girl? | 0:03:24 | 0:03:27 | |
I see! | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
HE WAILS | 0:03:29 | 0:03:33 | |
-APPLAUSE -Dino... | 0:03:35 | 0:03:39 | |
Hello, Betty... Hello, Mark! | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
Is this the rest of the stairlift? | 0:03:44 | 0:03:47 | |
That's the rest of it. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:48 | |
Grandad coming home from hospital. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
I don't want him clomping up and down the stairs - you know, | 0:03:50 | 0:03:53 | |
-after surgery. -No. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
Cup of tea, Betty? | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
SHE MAKES POPPING NOISES One, two, one, two. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:06 | |
-SHOUTING: TEA, BETTY? -What? Oh, yeah, thanks. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
Yeah, all seems straightforward. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
I'll fit it tomorrow, shouldn't take more than an hour or two. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
Good man. WHISPERS: What's wrong with her? | 0:04:18 | 0:04:22 | |
School thing... Bono. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
-Bono? At school? What - what is it? -Nothing... she gets too involved... | 0:04:24 | 0:04:27 | |
I can hear youse, I'm sitting right here! | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
It was him - it was him! | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
Right, Betty, let's go. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
No, you go on ahead. I'm meeting Maria here. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
-We're going into town. -See you later! -See ya. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
-See you, Ma. -I'll see you, love. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:43 | |
So, what's this about Bono? | 0:04:43 | 0:04:44 | |
Mrs Brown, what do you know about bullying at school? | 0:04:44 | 0:04:48 | |
Bullying? Well... I was very good at it. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:52 | |
-What? -I'm only joking! | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
I was just trying to lighten the mood... | 0:04:54 | 0:04:58 | |
SHE CACKLES Not fuckin' easy! | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
-Joking about what? -Nothing. -Tell us what's going on. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
I think Bono's getting bullied at school. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:06 | |
-You think? -He's not saying...but... | 0:05:06 | 0:05:09 | |
You know, I read that kids who are being bullied do that. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
Well, they don't tell their parents they're being bullied because they don't want their parents | 0:05:12 | 0:05:16 | |
to interfere in case it gets worse. You could be right. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:19 | |
Well, he mightn't tell you, but he'll tell me. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:22 | |
Why don't you let me pick him up from school today? | 0:05:22 | 0:05:24 | |
-I'll have a chat with him. -Oh, would you? -Yes! | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
-Great, more time to spend in town. -Ah, I feel better now! | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
Good. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:31 | |
Oh, and wait till I tell you what Dermot wants us to do... | 0:05:31 | 0:05:34 | |
-The Flintstones - it's going to be great fun! -What?! | 0:05:34 | 0:05:37 | |
-Come on, I'll explain on the way. -Well, what, well, tell me! What? | 0:05:37 | 0:05:41 | |
Oh, and one more thing, Mrs Brown. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
-My mother - she's on the school board. -Yeah... | 0:05:43 | 0:05:45 | |
She's...um...what's the word? | 0:05:45 | 0:05:48 | |
Bitch? | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
-She's the secretary. -Oh, right. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:53 | |
Anyway, if Bono names a boy - don't get involved with them, OK? | 0:05:53 | 0:05:56 | |
Of course not. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
Just give the name to me and I'll pass it on to her. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:01 | |
Mummy will sort it out! | 0:06:01 | 0:06:03 | |
Thank you, Maria. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
"Mummy will sort it out!" | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
I don't need Higglary or anybody else! | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
AGNES! | 0:06:20 | 0:06:21 | |
Agnes, are you here? | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
Ah, she must be out. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
-Are you Betty? -Yeah, I am. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
-Well, I'm Billy Curtain's mother. -Whose mother? | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
Billy Curtain... He's in your son Bono's class. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:47 | |
Right. So? | 0:06:47 | 0:06:48 | |
Don't you EVER threaten my son again! | 0:06:48 | 0:06:51 | |
What are you talking about? | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
Billy told me...when you picked Bono up from school today, | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
you called him a bully, and threatened him... | 0:06:56 | 0:06:59 | |
Today? | 0:06:59 | 0:07:01 | |
-Well, is he? -What? | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
-Is your son a bully? -How dare you! | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
Ladies, this is not the place... | 0:07:08 | 0:07:11 | |
-Did you just touch my breast? -OK, I'm out! | 0:07:11 | 0:07:16 | |
You have not heard the last of this, Betty Brown. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:19 | |
-I am going to the school board. -Bring it on! | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:07:23 | 0:07:26 | |
So, Mrs Brown. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
She's alleging that you threatened to stab young Billy. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:35 | |
-That is a lie. -What DID you say to him? | 0:07:37 | 0:07:40 | |
I said, "I have skills..." | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
"Don't close your eyes when you sleep tonight... | 0:07:46 | 0:07:51 | |
"or I'll stick you like a pig." | 0:07:51 | 0:07:53 | |
-WHAT?! -I'm joking. | 0:07:53 | 0:07:56 | |
I told him not to bully Bono or anybody else in school. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
I said it's not good and I told him | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
he'd make more friends if he was nicer... | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
or I'd stick him like a pig. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:08 | |
For God's sake! What are we going to do now, Father? | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
I think we need to get Betty and Mrs Curtain together | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
and then try talk this out... | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
I could speak to Mother, | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
she's on the school board and she knows Mrs Curtain. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
MIMICS MARIA: "I could speak to Mother!" | 0:08:20 | 0:08:22 | |
I've an idea. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:24 | |
Why don't we get her up here for tea and that way her and | 0:08:24 | 0:08:27 | |
Betty can talk things through? | 0:08:27 | 0:08:28 | |
That's not a bad idea and it keeps it away from the school and it would be very informal. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:32 | |
And maybe it would break the ice if we start the night by you apologising, Mrs Brown. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:37 | |
Right then, I'll speak to the school and tell them I'm handling it. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
I'll ask Mother to speak to Mrs Curtain. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
Right, that's that, then. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:50 | |
Mark, are you done there? | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
Just about, I'll follow you out to the car. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
-Ah! Very nice. So when's Grandad home? -Tomorrow. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:58 | |
Lovely. Right, God bless, Mrs Brown. | 0:08:58 | 0:09:00 | |
Yeah, God bless you, Father. Go easy on those skates! | 0:09:00 | 0:09:04 | |
Right, Ma. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:06 | |
It's fairly simple, the up arrow for up, the down arrow for down. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:10 | |
Thanks son, thank you very much. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
I don't think Betty's too pleased with me. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:15 | |
Do you blame her? Why didn't you just leave things alone? | 0:09:15 | 0:09:19 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Aww... | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
SHE SNIGGERS | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
"Man with five willies says his underpants fit him like a glove." | 0:09:29 | 0:09:34 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:34 | 0:09:37 | |
Morning, Mammy. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
Buongiorno, Catalina! | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
That's Italian. He's French! | 0:09:45 | 0:09:47 | |
Well, how do you say in French, "that's nice"? | 0:09:47 | 0:09:51 | |
I'm not sure, Mammy, but I know how to say | 0:09:52 | 0:09:54 | |
"Mind your own business" - two words and the second one is "off". | 0:09:54 | 0:09:59 | |
-DOORBELL RINGS -Ouvrez la porte! | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
You mind your own porte! | 0:10:02 | 0:10:05 | |
It means "open the door" in French. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:07 | |
Well, if he gets his key in the lock, you make sure you have your safety chain on! | 0:10:07 | 0:10:11 | |
Johnny keeps you safe! LAUGHTER AND LIGHT APPLAUSE | 0:10:13 | 0:10:17 | |
Ah, welcome home, Grandad. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
Mammy, it's Grandad! | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
Hello, Grandad, welcome home! | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
Come on, let's get you into your favourite chair. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
Actually, Mrs Brown, | 0:10:28 | 0:10:29 | |
I think straight to bed would be the best thing... | 0:10:29 | 0:10:32 | |
Oh, come on - just as well we got the stairlift. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
You're going to love this, Grandad, come on. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:38 | |
I'll bring you up a cuppa, Grandad. Tea, Doctor? | 0:10:38 | 0:10:40 | |
-Oh, I wouldn't mind a quick one. -If it's a quick one you want, | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
you're going to have to get a Frenchman's arse out of the way! | 0:10:43 | 0:10:47 | |
-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE -What? | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
Don't mind her. Thanks for bringing him home, Dr Flynn. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:53 | |
Ah, it's no problem, Cathy. I'm just glad it wasn't anything serious. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:57 | |
He looks well, Doctor. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
Ah, he's still in a lot of pain, but this might help. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:05 | |
Bring ID when you're getting that. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
Why would I need ID for a prescription? | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
-It's marijuana! -The gangee? | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
Medical marijuana. Most of my patients find it very good. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:19 | |
He's Grandad Brown, not Bob Marley! | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
-He doesn't even smoke! -He doesn't have to smoke it. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:26 | |
I mean, you can try him with a smoke but if that doesn't work, just | 0:11:26 | 0:11:29 | |
stir it into some yoghurt, or bake it into cup cakes... | 0:11:29 | 0:11:32 | |
Well, I bow to your superior knowledge of narcotics! | 0:11:34 | 0:11:37 | |
-Right, I'm off. -Thank you, Doctor. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:41 | |
Mammy, I'll pick that up in town for Grandad later. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:44 | |
Ah-ha, are you going in to meet Crouton? | 0:11:44 | 0:11:48 | |
It's Gaston! And no. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:52 | |
-When are we going to meet him? -Let me think... | 0:11:52 | 0:11:55 | |
Eh...NEVER! | 0:11:55 | 0:11:59 | |
-I'm going - that cuppa's there for Grandad. -All right. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
-Ah, hiya, Winnie. -How are you, Cathy? | 0:12:04 | 0:12:06 | |
-I just saw Dr Flynn pulling away... -You should report that. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:12 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
I see Grandad's home, then? | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
Yes, he looks well, but he's in a lot of pain. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
Oh, I know what that's like. My Jacko had a bad back for years! | 0:12:21 | 0:12:25 | |
I think the only thing wrong with your Jacko's back was if | 0:12:25 | 0:12:28 | |
somebody mentioned work, he couldn't get it off the bucking bed. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:31 | |
Ah, Grandad, have you gone up and come back down again? | 0:12:31 | 0:12:35 | |
-No. -Are you stuck? -No, it's just moving so feckin' slow! | 0:12:35 | 0:12:39 | |
There has to be some way of speeding it up... | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
Don't touch it! | 0:12:42 | 0:12:45 | |
All right, all right, all right! | 0:12:47 | 0:12:49 | |
I'll get Mark to look at it tomorrow. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
He can't go up at that speed. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
At that rate he'd be only up and it'd be down again. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:57 | |
Just like my Jacko... | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
And then he falls asleep. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:03 | |
He was never like that with me! LAUGHTER | 0:13:03 | 0:13:07 | |
I can't get Grandad to take this stuff. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
I tried putting into yoghurt. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
No, he says he hates yoghurt so I'm going to try and do this - | 0:13:18 | 0:13:22 | |
bake it into chocolate brownies. | 0:13:22 | 0:13:24 | |
Add a soupcon? What the hell is a soupcon? | 0:13:26 | 0:13:31 | |
Ah, that's close enough! | 0:13:31 | 0:13:34 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:34 | 0:13:37 | |
I even tried putting it into his tea. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
No, it just sank to the bottom of the mug. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:42 | |
So this is my last resort. Chocolate brownies. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:46 | |
Ah well, we'll see! | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
I even have Buster rolling it into cigarettes but it's | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
a waste of time - Grandad won't smoke them. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:56 | |
Still, I'm prepared to try anything. Any luck, Dermot? | 0:13:56 | 0:14:00 | |
I don't know, Ma. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
I'm after tweaking a few switches and stuff, | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
-but I think I'm better getting Mark to have a look at it. -Hmm. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:07 | |
-How many of these do you want, Mrs Brown? -Just one or two, Buster, | 0:14:07 | 0:14:09 | |
I don't think he's going to smoke them anyway. | 0:14:09 | 0:14:11 | |
Right, Buster, let's go. Bring your club. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
-See you, Ma. -See you, love. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:16 | |
Yabba dabba doo! | 0:14:16 | 0:14:19 | |
Yabba dabba DON'T! | 0:14:20 | 0:14:21 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:14:22 | 0:14:28 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:34 | 0:14:38 | |
I don't get it. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:57 | |
They don't have any... | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
LAUGHING: They don't have any effect on me! | 0:14:59 | 0:15:03 | |
SHE CACKLES | 0:15:03 | 0:15:06 | |
CACKLING | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
Please, Gaston, sit down. Coffee? | 0:15:20 | 0:15:23 | |
-Oui, but in a CLEAN cup. -DOORBELL RINGS | 0:15:23 | 0:15:27 | |
SINGSONG: Someone's at the door! | 0:15:27 | 0:15:32 | |
So? | 0:15:32 | 0:15:33 | |
SLURRED: Well, open it and let them in! | 0:15:33 | 0:15:36 | |
Excusez-moi, Gaston... | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
I forgot me club! | 0:15:50 | 0:15:51 | |
Looks real, doesn't it? | 0:15:52 | 0:15:54 | |
It's plastic. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:55 | |
Mammy! | 0:16:00 | 0:16:02 | |
It's Betty... | 0:16:02 | 0:16:04 | |
..and Father Damien. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:08 | |
SHE COUGHS | 0:16:08 | 0:16:10 | |
Hello, Father. Hello, Father Damien, do sit down, do sit down. | 0:16:10 | 0:16:16 | |
-Gaston is in the kitchen. -Oh, can I meet him? | 0:16:16 | 0:16:19 | |
Come on. Now, his English isn't great. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:22 | |
It'll be better than my French! | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
So, Mrs Brown... Mrs Curtain is on her way with Mrs Nicholson. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:29 | |
That's nice. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
I'm hopeful we can have a calm discussion and resolve this... | 0:16:32 | 0:16:35 | |
Yes... | 0:16:35 | 0:16:37 | |
Well, what we need... | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
what we need to resolve, Father... | 0:16:40 | 0:16:42 | |
is the bullying. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:45 | |
The bullying needs to be resolved. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:48 | |
Well - well, yes, Mrs Brown - let's try resolve the animosity | 0:16:48 | 0:16:51 | |
with the parents first and then we'll go from there... | 0:16:51 | 0:16:55 | |
Yes... Father...I'm trying to stay very, very calm... | 0:16:55 | 0:17:01 | |
My nipple's on fire! | 0:17:02 | 0:17:05 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:17:07 | 0:17:10 | |
-So, what are you doing in Ireland? -I am minding my own business. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:17 | |
He means he's looking after his own business... | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
Kitty...les chiottes...bathroom? | 0:17:20 | 0:17:24 | |
Just in there on the left. | 0:17:24 | 0:17:26 | |
He doesn't seem very nice. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
Ah, he is...it just takes time to get used to him. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:37 | |
AGNES YELPS AND GIBBERS | 0:17:39 | 0:17:43 | |
This one! This one! This one! | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
SHE GIBBERS | 0:17:48 | 0:17:52 | |
-It's just in there... -I'm fine... | 0:17:55 | 0:17:58 | |
Thank you, Father. I'm just getting Father Damien a cup of tea. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:06 | |
Hello? | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
Who the fuck are you? | 0:18:10 | 0:18:12 | |
Mammy, this is Gaston. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:15 | |
Oh, Crouton! | 0:18:15 | 0:18:17 | |
Lovely to meet you! | 0:18:19 | 0:18:21 | |
Qui est cette femme affreuse avec les seins qui fument? | 0:18:21 | 0:18:25 | |
Oh, stop it! | 0:18:25 | 0:18:29 | |
He said...erm, what a pleasure to meet such a lovely lady. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:33 | |
Ha-ha-ha! That's very nice of you. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:35 | |
I have to say Gaston, it's a pleasure to meet you. | 0:18:36 | 0:18:39 | |
We've heard a lot about you. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
She said... MIMICS BETTY: It's a pleasure to meet you. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:44 | |
Mammy! | 0:18:44 | 0:18:45 | |
Sorry! | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
You're not as handsome as I thought you'd be. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:54 | |
GASTON SCOFFS | 0:18:54 | 0:18:56 | |
Cathy, he has the personality of a buckin' speed bump! | 0:18:56 | 0:18:59 | |
Kitty... Cafe! | 0:19:01 | 0:19:04 | |
Coffee? Of course, Gaston. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:07 | |
Did he just click his buckin' fingers? | 0:19:09 | 0:19:12 | |
I'll tell you what, Gaston...let's get a coffee in Foley's... Come on. | 0:19:14 | 0:19:18 | |
Ooh-la! DOORBELL RINGS | 0:19:18 | 0:19:21 | |
DID he just click his fingers at Cathy Brown? | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
-It doesn't matter... -It does matter, he buckin' got away with it! | 0:19:23 | 0:19:28 | |
-Hilary and Mrs Curtain are here. -Ah, not these two! | 0:19:28 | 0:19:31 | |
I'll make tea. Don't you mess this up. | 0:19:31 | 0:19:34 | |
Why is it always assumed that I'll mess it up? | 0:19:34 | 0:19:37 | |
Why is it never her? | 0:19:37 | 0:19:39 | |
They're always picking on me and I wouldn't mind, I'm a lady. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
She's a vicious, vicious c... | 0:19:42 | 0:19:44 | |
Hello, Higgley... | 0:19:44 | 0:19:47 | |
-Agnes. -Hello. -Hello. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:51 | |
Now, ladies, let's agree to begin this discussion in | 0:19:51 | 0:19:54 | |
a congenial and respectful way. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:57 | |
We should all hold hands and sing Kum Ba Yah. | 0:19:57 | 0:20:00 | |
# Kum ba yah, my Lord Kum ba yah... # | 0:20:01 | 0:20:05 | |
-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE -Father! | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
Listen. Mrs Brown, I didn't have to come here. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:10 | |
No, and I appreciate that - I do. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:14 | |
Please call me Agnes. Hmm. And you are? | 0:20:14 | 0:20:17 | |
Annette. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:18 | |
Annette. | 0:20:18 | 0:20:20 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
Annette. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
Yes. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:25 | |
Annette Curtain? | 0:20:31 | 0:20:33 | |
HOWLS OF LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:20:33 | 0:20:36 | |
AGNES LAUGHS | 0:20:36 | 0:20:38 | |
Annette Curtain! | 0:20:38 | 0:20:42 | |
I can see right through you! | 0:20:42 | 0:20:46 | |
Annette Curtain! SHE LAUGHS | 0:20:46 | 0:20:49 | |
Tea? | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
Now, ladies... | 0:20:51 | 0:20:53 | |
Betty, Betty! | 0:20:53 | 0:20:54 | |
Annette Curtain! | 0:20:54 | 0:20:57 | |
No frills! Ha-ha-ha! | 0:20:57 | 0:21:00 | |
Mrs Brown, PLEASE! | 0:21:00 | 0:21:04 | |
So... Betty, what do you think the cause of this conflict is? | 0:21:04 | 0:21:08 | |
Her son's a little shit. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:11 | |
I will not stand for that! You don't even know my son! | 0:21:11 | 0:21:15 | |
No, it's you that doesn't know your son's a little bully! | 0:21:15 | 0:21:18 | |
-Oh, ladies, please! -Stick him like a pig! | 0:21:18 | 0:21:22 | |
Mrs Brown! We'll get nowhere with this attitude. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:27 | |
-HILARY EXHALES DEEPLY -Right. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:31 | |
AGNES EXHALES | 0:21:31 | 0:21:34 | |
AGNES MAKES FARTING NOISE | 0:21:38 | 0:21:42 | |
I have an idea - who'd like some chocolate brownies? | 0:21:42 | 0:21:47 | |
Oh, this came in the post today. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:57 | |
It says "The Owner - Wash and Blow". | 0:21:58 | 0:22:01 | |
Oh, so YOU'RE the owner, are you? | 0:22:01 | 0:22:04 | |
Fine, Bette Davis, you open it, so. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:08 | |
No, no! | 0:22:08 | 0:22:09 | |
-Fine, well, I'm not opening it. -Fine! | 0:22:09 | 0:22:13 | |
"Please find enclosed..." It's a cheque from the insurance company. | 0:22:17 | 0:22:22 | |
Ah, Dino...you filled out the paperwork. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:27 | |
-I love you... -AUDIENCE: -Aww... | 0:22:27 | 0:22:30 | |
Hiya, Sharon. | 0:22:32 | 0:22:33 | |
Hiya. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
Is that...it? | 0:22:35 | 0:22:36 | |
-That's Gaston. -Sorry. | 0:22:38 | 0:22:42 | |
-Drinks here, servant woman! -AUDIENCE: -Oooh... | 0:22:42 | 0:22:46 | |
Gaston, let's sit down. | 0:22:48 | 0:22:50 | |
I'll come back for the drinks, Sharon. | 0:22:50 | 0:22:53 | |
Sit here. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:56 | |
Winnie, this is Gaston. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:59 | |
Lovely to meet you, pet! | 0:23:03 | 0:23:05 | |
Yes. I'm sure. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
Here's one for ye... Who has two thumbs and likes chocolate eclairs? | 0:23:08 | 0:23:14 | |
-Me! -SHE LAUGHS | 0:23:15 | 0:23:19 | |
Kitty...hurry, please! | 0:23:21 | 0:23:24 | |
I'm sorry, Sharon...he's French. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:26 | |
Cathy, I know lots of French men - lovely men. HE'S just a dick! | 0:23:26 | 0:23:31 | |
AUDIENCE CHEERS | 0:23:32 | 0:23:33 | |
-Hiya, Cathy. Who's that? -It's Gaston! | 0:23:33 | 0:23:37 | |
-The French fella? -Yeah. | 0:23:37 | 0:23:39 | |
RORY HOWLS WITH LAUGHTER | 0:23:40 | 0:23:44 | |
Ooh, so sorry... | 0:23:44 | 0:23:46 | |
I don't understand it, Barbara... I didn't do any paperwork... | 0:23:47 | 0:23:52 | |
I know, I did. | 0:23:52 | 0:23:55 | |
Now maybe we can go back to doing hair. | 0:23:55 | 0:23:57 | |
Oh, thanks, Barbara... I owe you. | 0:23:57 | 0:24:00 | |
Oh, you DO - big time! | 0:24:00 | 0:24:04 | |
I know, I had onions for me lunch. | 0:24:05 | 0:24:09 | |
Anyways, I said to him, | 0:24:09 | 0:24:11 | |
"How dare you call me a slut? | 0:24:11 | 0:24:14 | |
"Now get out of my bath and take your mate with you!" | 0:24:14 | 0:24:19 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:24:19 | 0:24:21 | |
THEY GIGGLE | 0:24:23 | 0:24:24 | |
Sometimes I say things. And out the other. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:28 | |
You have to go to the back of the bus because if your ears | 0:24:28 | 0:24:30 | |
aren't pierced, you just can't sing, you know? | 0:24:30 | 0:24:33 | |
To Donegal and beyond! | 0:24:33 | 0:24:36 | |
My mother had a liver transplant | 0:24:40 | 0:24:42 | |
because the doctor didn't even have a watch! | 0:24:42 | 0:24:45 | |
MRS CURTAIN LAUGHS | 0:24:45 | 0:24:47 | |
What is wrong with you people? | 0:24:47 | 0:24:49 | |
Have a brownie, Mrs Nicholson. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:51 | |
I told you, no, I don't eat chocolate! | 0:24:53 | 0:24:56 | |
-Where's Mammy? -I'm upstairs! | 0:24:56 | 0:24:59 | |
What are you doing up there? | 0:25:01 | 0:25:03 | |
I have no idea. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
Looking for popcorn, I think. | 0:25:07 | 0:25:10 | |
Well, come down here right now! | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
OK, I'm coming! | 0:25:12 | 0:25:14 | |
I'm on my way... | 0:25:14 | 0:25:15 | |
Aaaaah! | 0:25:15 | 0:25:17 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:25:20 | 0:25:23 | |
I've got to go and put manners on my son. | 0:25:23 | 0:25:26 | |
Now, now, Annette. Don't be so hard on him. | 0:25:26 | 0:25:29 | |
Sure, tomorrow they'll be best friends... He's a good wee boy. | 0:25:29 | 0:25:32 | |
I love you, Betty! | 0:25:32 | 0:25:34 | |
I love you, Annette! | 0:25:34 | 0:25:37 | |
-Goodnight, Agnes. -Ah... G-g-goodnight... | 0:25:46 | 0:25:49 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:25:52 | 0:25:54 | |
Goodnight, Annette Curtain! SHE SNIGGERS | 0:25:54 | 0:25:58 | |
-Great night, Mrs Brown! -See you later, Father... | 0:25:58 | 0:26:01 | |
Just go! | 0:26:01 | 0:26:03 | |
Goodnight, Higgley! Ooh, no knickers! | 0:26:03 | 0:26:06 | |
Betty, WHAT is going on? | 0:26:09 | 0:26:12 | |
I need chocolate and lots of it! | 0:26:12 | 0:26:14 | |
Have you thought about having a personality transplant? | 0:26:18 | 0:26:21 | |
GASTON SCOFFS | 0:26:21 | 0:26:23 | |
-Mammy, please... -Kitty...stop! | 0:26:23 | 0:26:25 | |
It's Cathy - C-A-T-H-Y - Cathy! | 0:26:25 | 0:26:29 | |
-Kitty! -Cathy! -Kitty! -Cathy! -Cathy! -Kitty! | 0:26:29 | 0:26:31 | |
Huh? | 0:26:31 | 0:26:32 | |
Your family is a disgrace and I will not put up with it any more! | 0:26:36 | 0:26:40 | |
This woman is lower class than an olive farmer's concubine! | 0:26:40 | 0:26:45 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Oo-oo-ooh! | 0:26:45 | 0:26:48 | |
-Is that bad? -Yes... | 0:26:48 | 0:26:50 | |
-Argh! -CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:50 | 0:26:54 | |
How dare you! You, you... | 0:27:00 | 0:27:03 | |
camel's scrotum! | 0:27:03 | 0:27:06 | |
-Gaston. -Yes, Kitty? | 0:27:06 | 0:27:08 | |
-Argh! -AUDIENCE WHOOP AND CHEER | 0:27:08 | 0:27:12 | |
Goodbye. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
And arrivederci! SHE LAUGHS | 0:27:16 | 0:27:18 | |
Here, did you hear the joke about the bully? | 0:27:24 | 0:27:27 | |
No, you didn't - cos there's nothing funny about bullying. | 0:27:27 | 0:27:31 | |
Being bullied isn't nice - it doesn't matter if it's in work, | 0:27:33 | 0:27:35 | |
in school or in a relationship or in the social media. | 0:27:35 | 0:27:39 | |
It's ugly and it hurts. | 0:27:40 | 0:27:41 | |
If you even think you're being bullied, tell someone - anyone. | 0:27:41 | 0:27:45 | |
Doesn't matter - tell someone. | 0:27:45 | 0:27:47 | |
Every day's a new day | 0:27:47 | 0:27:48 | |
and you're entitled to face that day with a big smile. | 0:27:48 | 0:27:52 | |
He-he! | 0:27:52 | 0:27:54 | |
I used to look at Redser beside me when I'd wake up | 0:27:54 | 0:27:57 | |
and I'd just piss meself laughing! | 0:27:57 | 0:28:00 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:28:00 | 0:28:02 | |
I think did it again! | 0:28:02 | 0:28:03 | |
Make yourself a promise - from today, | 0:28:07 | 0:28:11 | |
don't let anybody take away your smile. | 0:28:11 | 0:28:14 | |
Goodnight! | 0:28:14 | 0:28:15 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:28:15 | 0:28:17 | |
# Say hello to the Queen of Dublin town | 0:28:17 | 0:28:21 | |
# As the best mum of all she wears the crown | 0:28:22 | 0:28:27 | |
# Mother hen watching all her chicks | 0:28:29 | 0:28:32 | |
# A sassy old lady full of tricks | 0:28:32 | 0:28:35 | |
# It's a safe bet she'd never let life get her down | 0:28:35 | 0:28:41 | |
# She's Mrs Brown | 0:28:41 | 0:28:44 | |
That's Mrs Brown | 0:28:44 | 0:28:47 | |
# Oh, Mrs Brown. # | 0:28:47 | 0:28:50 | |
AGNUS CACKLES | 0:28:51 | 0:28:53 |