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This programme contains strong language and adult humour. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:06 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:14 | |
# She's Mrs Brown | 0:00:14 | 0:00:18 | |
# That's Mrs Brown | 0:00:18 | 0:00:21 | |
# Oh, Mrs Brown. # | 0:00:21 | 0:00:24 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:00:24 | 0:00:26 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:00:26 | 0:00:31 | |
PHONE CONTINUES RINGING | 0:00:34 | 0:00:37 | |
CONTINUOUS TONE | 0:00:39 | 0:00:42 | |
Ya bastard! | 0:00:42 | 0:00:43 | |
HAMMERING | 0:00:43 | 0:00:46 | |
-What do you want, Granddad? -Who was it? | 0:00:46 | 0:00:48 | |
I don't know. It stopped before I got to it. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:51 | |
-Was it for me? -I don't fuckin' know! | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
What do you think I am, a psychopath? | 0:00:55 | 0:00:57 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:01:00 | 0:01:03 | |
PHONE CONTINUES RINGING | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
Hello? | 0:01:09 | 0:01:10 | |
-CONTINUOUS TONE -Feck it! | 0:01:10 | 0:01:13 | |
BANGING | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
-What? -Who was it? | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
Murphy's Funeral Home. They want to know what height you are. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:21 | |
Right, I'm going... | 0:01:32 | 0:01:33 | |
..out the back to hang out clothes. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
Goodbye now. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:40 | |
They can fuck off. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
C'mon, Thomas, I'll put the kettle on. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
Actually, there's no need to make tea. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
I just want to ask you something important. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:21 | |
-In private... -Sit down, Thomas. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
What's so important that you needed to talk to me on my own? | 0:02:23 | 0:02:26 | |
I want to ask you something. It's...rather a big thing. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:29 | |
-Go on. -Well, I'm not getting any younger | 0:02:29 | 0:02:33 | |
and, well, time comes for...change. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
I understand. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:37 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
Hello, Mrs Bro... | 0:02:40 | 0:02:41 | |
Hello? How do you do? | 0:02:46 | 0:02:47 | |
No, he's not here. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
OK, I'll tell him. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:52 | |
You thought you'd fuckin' had me, didn't ya? | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
Hello, love. Hello, Thomas. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:00 | |
Hello, Mrs Brown. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
Perhaps we should do this another time. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:03 | |
-But, Thomas... -No, no really. Another time. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:06 | |
You spoilt it again. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
Why do you have to embarrass me every time? | 0:03:13 | 0:03:16 | |
Me embarrass you? | 0:03:16 | 0:03:18 | |
How do you think I feel when the neighbours say, | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
"Is that your daughter with Worzel fuckin' Gummidge?" | 0:03:20 | 0:03:24 | |
Hello. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
Come into the kitchen. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:30 | |
I don't know what's wrong with Cathy. | 0:03:34 | 0:03:37 | |
She's besotted with this Thomas fella. Professor... | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
..Clown. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:43 | |
You know, you'd think if she had somebody that she likes, | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
you know, she wouldn't be as jumpy as she is. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
I don't like him, not one feckin' bit. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
He's too into himself. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
You know, I can see him strolling down Lover's Lane, | 0:03:57 | 0:04:00 | |
hand in hand with himself. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:02 | |
Cathy needs to understand that...love is like snow. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:08 | |
You know, you don't know if its going to stick. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:13 | |
And you never know how many inches you're going to get. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
Who's getting inches? | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
Not yours truly anyway. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
-So how is everybody? -Ah, grand. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
Cathy's still cavorting with ya man Professor Clown. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:28 | |
Well, at least Cathy does something about a boyfriend. My Sharon does... | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
-Everybody! -..nothing. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
Nothing. That's what I meant, nothing, yeah. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
I often wonder, will she ever lose her virginity? | 0:04:36 | 0:04:40 | |
I mean, she's such a... | 0:04:40 | 0:04:41 | |
Bike. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
..shy girl. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
Shy girl, that's what I meant. Yes. Shy, yeah. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:47 | |
Look, I don't know what's going on with Sharon's relationships | 0:04:50 | 0:04:53 | |
but Cathy's just like a bag of feckin' cats. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
-She nearly bit the head off me just then. -Sharon's the same. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
I asked her when she was going to get a better job | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
and she just nearly devoured me. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
But she likes that job she has in Foley's. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
She speaks four languages, Agnes. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
-And she can't say no in any of them! -What? | 0:05:07 | 0:05:11 | |
Nothing. Nothing. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
Great news. Mammy. Me and Dino are getting a condominium. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:18 | |
That's fantastic. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:19 | |
Rory, be careful. They're not a 100% safe. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:22 | |
Your Mammy's right, Rory. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
Sharon's friend wore one of them and got run over by a bus. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:28 | |
Well, shows you. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
We've got an apartment. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:34 | |
Con-do-minium. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
All-fuckin'-right. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:37 | |
It's gorgeous. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
Fuckin' flies. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
We're only hoping now that it will be ready | 0:05:43 | 0:05:45 | |
before Dino gets turfed out of the bedsit. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
Ah, well, I'm happy that yous are happy. Where is it? | 0:05:47 | 0:05:50 | |
In Kil... | 0:05:50 | 0:05:51 | |
BUZZING | 0:05:54 | 0:05:57 | |
I'm sorry, love, where is it? | 0:06:05 | 0:06:08 | |
-It's in Kilbride, Mrs Brown. -Oh! -Oh, it's beautiful. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:12 | |
Oh, that's very far out, Rory. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
I mean, that's going to be a long trek in and out of Wash & Blow. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:18 | |
That's why I'm doing this. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
Driving lessons. Oh, Rory, I don't know. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:23 | |
Remember the first time you drove? | 0:06:23 | 0:06:24 | |
Oh, God, you cried so much I had to go into the shop | 0:06:24 | 0:06:27 | |
and ask the man to pull out the plug. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:29 | |
I'd be grand. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:31 | |
The instructor said, if I do the course, I'd pass me test no problem. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:35 | |
That's what the last instructor said. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
You had lessons before? | 0:06:37 | 0:06:38 | |
-Tell him, tell him! -Well, I put the car into gear | 0:06:38 | 0:06:41 | |
and when it started, the instructor started shouting, "Stop! Stop!" | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
The man hadn't got into the car yet! | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
I couldn't stop it. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
I said to Mammy, "How do I stop this thing?" | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
What were you doing in the car, Mrs Brown? | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
I was feckin' praying, son. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
-So what happened? -Well, you know the flower shop on Rathmore Street? | 0:06:58 | 0:07:02 | |
There is no flower shop in Rathmore Street. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
Exactly! Not now! | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
Don't do it, Rory. It's too dangerous. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
No, I am doing it. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
Danger is my middle name. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:16 | |
Bond. James Bond. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
Off. Fuck off. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:24 | |
Do you know, at first I was really nervous about this, | 0:07:27 | 0:07:30 | |
but now I'm excited. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
Excited about what? | 0:07:32 | 0:07:33 | |
Driving lessons. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:35 | |
Why would you get driving lessons when you haven't got a car? | 0:07:35 | 0:07:37 | |
I don't say anything when you buy a bra. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
-D'you want tea? -Yes, please, Mammy. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
-Fine. -Look, I'm sorry for snapping earlier. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:54 | |
It's all right, love, that's what dinosaurs do. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:58 | |
-Argh! -Thanks, Mammy. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:00 | |
-How is? -Dermot is not here. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:04 | |
-Actually I'm looking for you, Mrs Brown. -I don't want any. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
Dermot tells me you're looking to get your kitchen done. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
-Yes, so? -Well, I don't know if you were aware, Mrs Brown, | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
but I have a lot of experience in renovations. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
No, I wasn't aware. Because you don't! | 0:08:16 | 0:08:19 | |
Look, all I want is a chance to quote for the job. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:24 | |
Fine, you can quote. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
Seven and a half grand. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:29 | |
-For what? -For me. That's my quote. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:34 | |
Buster, to put in a quote, | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
you have to show Mammy what you're going to do, | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
take measurements and that, | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
decide how long it's going to take and then how much. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:44 | |
Seven and a half grand. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
HE SNORES | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
What the feckin'! What are you doin'? | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
Mammy, I want to talk to you about something important. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:02 | |
That's what ad breaks are for. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:04 | |
-What? -Mammy, what did you do to impress Daddy? | 0:09:06 | 0:09:10 | |
-What do you mean impress him? -You know, when you were dating. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
What did you have to do to keep him interested? | 0:09:13 | 0:09:15 | |
Fuckin' turn up! | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
Why, what's on your mind? | 0:09:19 | 0:09:20 | |
I was thinking about getting a boob job. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:23 | |
And what's wrong with the job you have? | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
No, Mammy, a boob job! Breast enlargements. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
Oh, yeah... | 0:09:30 | 0:09:31 | |
I have enough money saved. What do you think? | 0:09:31 | 0:09:35 | |
I think you should do whatever you want to do, love. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
Thomas is always looking at women with big breasts. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
A man looking at women with big breasts. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
Wonders will never cease. | 0:09:43 | 0:09:44 | |
Mammy, would you change anything? | 0:09:45 | 0:09:47 | |
Never, no. I was always very proud of my body. | 0:09:47 | 0:09:51 | |
I used to just strip naked and stand in front of the mirror. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:54 | |
I'd go, "Hm-hm-hm-hm! | 0:09:54 | 0:09:56 | |
"Go on, you good thing." | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
Everybody else in the butcher's would just stare at me. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:03 | |
But they weren't getting their mince for 40 pence a pound. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:09 | |
Seriously, Mammy, if you had had access to plastic surgery, | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
what would you have gotten done? | 0:10:14 | 0:10:17 | |
I might have got a couple of inches put onto your father's penis. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
That's just me being feckin' greedy now! | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
Listen, Cathy love, you get a titty job, that's your own business. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:32 | |
But I think it might be much better for you | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
if you found somebody who loves you just the way you are. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:38 | |
It's not like that any more, Mammy. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:40 | |
It's not enough to just turn up. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:45 | |
-Well, maybe it is... for the right man! -Uh! | 0:10:46 | 0:10:50 | |
What's a mother to do? | 0:10:52 | 0:10:54 | |
END MUSIC PLAYS | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
Ah, bollocks! | 0:10:58 | 0:10:59 | |
Mrs Brown, this is the best draughtsman in the city. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:11 | |
He's the best there is? | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
Hello. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
-Hello, Mr... -His name is Giddyeye. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
-Giddyeye. -Pleased to meet you, Mrs Brown. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:25 | |
Now, can you show us the kitchen? | 0:11:25 | 0:11:27 | |
We're in the fuckin' kitchen. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
Oh, yeah of course. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:35 | |
First thing we need to do is better lighting. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:39 | |
It's almost pitch black in here. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
-Pitch black? -He's very cheap. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:47 | |
He can't see! | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
Of course he can see! Just not very well. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:53 | |
He can make out shapes close to his face. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
Can you make out that shape? | 0:11:57 | 0:11:58 | |
-Hey, who are you? -Jesus Christ! | 0:12:01 | 0:12:04 | |
-What are you doing? -This sink is far too big. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:06 | |
What? | 0:12:06 | 0:12:08 | |
Hello, Blondie. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
Buster, get Helen Keller out of here. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
C'mon Giddyeye, we're going. | 0:12:18 | 0:12:20 | |
Looking forward to seeing you again soon, Mrs Brown. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:22 | |
I'm looking forward to you seeing me for the fuckin' first time! | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
Lying bastard! | 0:12:29 | 0:12:31 | |
Shit! Shit! | 0:12:33 | 0:12:34 | |
"Wedding dress for sale. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
"Worn once... | 0:12:39 | 0:12:40 | |
"..by mistake." | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
-Tea, love? -Yes, please, Mammy. | 0:12:58 | 0:13:00 | |
Well, what do you think? | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
What do I think of what? | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
-You got it done already? -No, I'm wearing a size decider. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:10 | |
-What? -The clinic want me to be sure I get the size I want, | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
so they gave me this to try out different sizes. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
It adjusts, watch. | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
HISSING | 0:13:18 | 0:13:21 | |
Inflatable titties! | 0:13:29 | 0:13:30 | |
-It's amazing! -I'm going to try it out on my date tomorrow night. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:35 | |
Hope Thomas reacts the way I think he will. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
-I wonder will he notice it? -Oh, believe me, he'll fuckin' notice. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:41 | |
How do you get them to go down again? | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
I'm not sure. The instructions are upstairs. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:47 | |
And what do you two want? | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
Tell her, will you, Dermo? | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
Mammy, Giddyeye isn't going to design your kitchen. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:58 | |
-Buster knows what he wants. -Seven and a half grand. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:01 | |
But to get it past the council, | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
he has to get a draughtsman's signature. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
That's all he needs Giddyeye for. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
So Giddyeye is going to sign it? How? In Braille? | 0:14:08 | 0:14:11 | |
It's just to cover meself and you. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:14 | |
Look, I'll trust him this time, but I'm telling you, Buster, don't you push me! | 0:14:14 | 0:14:18 | |
How did Cathy get on at the clinic? | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
-How did you know about Cathy and the clinic? -Maria was telling me. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:23 | |
Well, it's private and personal and it's not to be discussed. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:26 | |
They gave her blow-up titties. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
It all goes different sizes | 0:14:30 | 0:14:31 | |
because she has to decide what size she wants, | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
cos some women are different, you know, you don't want to get... | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
Get 'em too long and you're in the shower trying to fuckin' wash them... | 0:14:38 | 0:14:41 | |
-Oh, right. -Is Cathy sick, Dermo? | 0:14:47 | 0:14:49 | |
No, she's getting a boob job. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:50 | |
That's none of his fuckin' business. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:52 | |
You're right, Ma. Buster, you never heard that. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
You'll have to speak up, Dermo. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
Ssh! You two, don't open your fuckin' mouth. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:00 | |
I don't know where it is. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:03 | |
Oh, hiya, Dermot. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:04 | |
Hiya, Cathy. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:09 | |
Hel-lo, Cathy! | 0:15:09 | 0:15:11 | |
-Hello, Buster. -I heard you're getting your tits blown up? | 0:15:13 | 0:15:16 | |
Buster, out! | 0:15:18 | 0:15:19 | |
And who told him? | 0:15:23 | 0:15:24 | |
Nobody! But in fairness, you know... | 0:15:24 | 0:15:28 | |
I suppose. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:29 | |
Would you like a cup of tits... tea, love! Tea, cup of tea. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:32 | |
I should have known better than trusting you with a secret. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:38 | |
Well, I meant PG tits... Tips! | 0:15:38 | 0:15:40 | |
PG...tips. | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
I'm so disappointed with Cathy. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
I think she's beautiful just the way she is. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
-Why, what's wrong with her? -She's talking about getting implants. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:53 | |
Don't talk to me, I went about them. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:56 | |
Never been so embarrassed in me life. | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
I didn't know that. When? | 0:15:58 | 0:15:59 | |
Oh, a long while ago. Ten years now. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:02 | |
I thought I'd go and ask if implants would be any good. | 0:16:02 | 0:16:05 | |
I was only in there five minutes and he started feeling me jing-jangs. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:09 | |
Well, I let out a scream. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
Worst dentist I've even been to. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:15 | |
Winnie, I was talk... Oh, it doesn't matter. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
I can see where Cathy's coming from, getting a boob job. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
It's all down to how you feel about yourself. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:26 | |
Its all about S-E-K-S. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:29 | |
Sex! | 0:16:30 | 0:16:32 | |
No, Mrs Brown, Betty's right. A woman needs good self-esteem. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:37 | |
Does she? | 0:16:37 | 0:16:38 | |
When was the last time a man asked to feel your self-esteem, Winnie? | 0:16:38 | 0:16:42 | |
No, the world's gone sex mad. I see young boys now | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
and they're dressing like they're feckin' Chippendales. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:51 | |
I hear young girls now talking like adults, and they're only 12. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
I don't remember even thinking about sex at that age. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:56 | |
It's different for men, Maria. Sex is a big thing to them. | 0:16:56 | 0:17:01 | |
My Jacko can remember the first time he had sex. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:04 | |
He still has the fuckin' receipt. | 0:17:04 | 0:17:06 | |
-Hiya's! -Hiya! -So, what's the conversation? | 0:17:08 | 0:17:11 | |
Ah, don't you know? Men and sex. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
What do they say? You can't have one... | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
ALL: ..without the other. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:18 | |
Yes, you can. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:19 | |
Winnie, you stay away from that tumble dryer. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:28 | |
You know, I'd rather clean me oven than have sex. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:32 | |
-Really? -Yes. If I'm going to be on my hands and knees for 15 minutes | 0:17:32 | 0:17:35 | |
I want something to fuckin' show for it! | 0:17:35 | 0:17:38 | |
No, Cathy, don't order, I have to go home and let Dermot out for a pint. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:44 | |
-Come back to my place and I'll open up a bottle of wine. -Great. Betty? | 0:17:44 | 0:17:48 | |
Have you only got the one bottle? | 0:17:48 | 0:17:49 | |
What are you smiling at? | 0:17:54 | 0:17:56 | |
-You know the inflatable titties that Cathy got? -Uh-huh. | 0:17:56 | 0:17:59 | |
I'm wearing them! | 0:17:59 | 0:18:01 | |
You are not! | 0:18:03 | 0:18:06 | |
Here, show me. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:07 | |
There's a gizmo here, takes a second. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
Hello, Father Damien. | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
Mrs Brown. I just wanted to tell you your Mark was out was out with me today. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:26 | |
Thank you. Winnie, get the switch! | 0:18:26 | 0:18:28 | |
He was looking for a reference from me for his emigration application. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:32 | |
I don't know him that well, but I gave him a good one. | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
Oh, thank you, Father. Winnie, for fuck's sake! | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
My pleasure, he's such a fine young man. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
He'll be a great loss to the community. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
Winnie, do something! | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
Mrs Brown, are your tits swelling? | 0:18:43 | 0:18:46 | |
I beg your pardon? | 0:18:46 | 0:18:47 | |
-It's just that... -Winnie, do something now! | 0:18:47 | 0:18:51 | |
HISSING | 0:18:51 | 0:18:54 | |
Right then, I'll... I'll leave you two with it. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:06 | |
Have you got everything you need? | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
That's nearly everything. | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
Birth, baptism certificate, stamped letter from the police. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:28 | |
Just a couple of references to get now, | 0:19:28 | 0:19:30 | |
send them all off to the Australian embassy. And that's it. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
And when will you know... | 0:19:36 | 0:19:37 | |
When will you know if you have the visas? | 0:19:40 | 0:19:43 | |
-A few weeks, I'd say. Then we do medicals. -That quick? | 0:19:43 | 0:19:46 | |
So when do you think you'll be going? | 0:19:53 | 0:19:55 | |
No complications, I'd say a few weeks. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:57 | |
Well, I won't lie to you,. I wish you weren't going. | 0:19:57 | 0:20:01 | |
Neither do I, but I have to do what's best for me family. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:05 | |
Anyway, you can come out and visit. | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
To Australia? Oh, no, love, nobody out there knows me. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:10 | |
We do and that's all that matters. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:16 | |
-Yes, love. -Right, I'm off. I'll see you tomorrow. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:20 | |
Oh, by the way, what's happening with the kitchen? | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
Buster says he's got a couple of pieces to put in place, | 0:20:22 | 0:20:25 | |
before he can give us a quote. But he'll get back to us. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:27 | |
I'll be here to keep an eye on him for most of it. See ya. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:30 | |
-Bye love. -Hey. Rory. | 0:20:30 | 0:20:32 | |
Hello, love. Cup of tea? | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
No, thanks, Mammy. Have you got anything for a headache? | 0:20:34 | 0:20:37 | |
Me head is pounding. | 0:20:37 | 0:20:38 | |
How did the driving lesson go today? | 0:20:38 | 0:20:40 | |
Not great. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
Mammy, what do you do when a policeman does that? | 0:20:42 | 0:20:45 | |
You slow down. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:48 | |
What do you do when he does that? | 0:20:48 | 0:20:49 | |
You stop. | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
And what do you do when he goes, "Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck?" | 0:20:51 | 0:20:55 | |
You drive on as quick as you feckin' can! | 0:20:56 | 0:20:58 | |
Oh, Rory, sounds like you had a rough day. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:04 | |
I can't get the hang of this parking thing. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:07 | |
Now, the instructor was very nice about it. | 0:21:07 | 0:21:10 | |
He said, "It's OK, I'll get out your side." | 0:21:10 | 0:21:13 | |
He told me to bring a crash helmet next time. | 0:21:13 | 0:21:17 | |
You'd look stupid driving around in a crash helmet. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
No, for him! | 0:21:20 | 0:21:21 | |
How are ya? I've got the designs. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:27 | |
Do you know something, Buster? | 0:21:31 | 0:21:33 | |
I do - bats always turn left when they come out of a cave. | 0:21:33 | 0:21:37 | |
Do you know, this is very good. It's perfect. | 0:21:40 | 0:21:44 | |
I just need to make a couple of changes. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:46 | |
Mark and Betty, they're going to Australia. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:49 | |
So fly away, Mark, fly away, Betty. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:51 | |
And it's all going to be good quality. | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
I'm getting it from that Scandinavian company with the small name. | 0:21:53 | 0:21:57 | |
-IKEA. -Lego. | 0:21:57 | 0:21:59 | |
Just kidding. It is, it's IKEA. | 0:22:03 | 0:22:05 | |
Buster, this is good. | 0:22:07 | 0:22:09 | |
OK, Buster, you have the job. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:13 | |
Ah, thanks, Mrs Brown. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:15 | |
Cancel the Lego. | 0:22:16 | 0:22:18 | |
It's a great idea, a night at the bingo. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:24 | |
Imagine if we won the jackpot? | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
Yes, then maybe Mark wouldn't have to emigrate to Australia. | 0:22:26 | 0:22:29 | |
Mrs Brown, we don't want to emigrate, but what can we do? | 0:22:29 | 0:22:32 | |
Cathy is meeting Clown after the bingo. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:36 | |
Do you think he's going to pop the question soon? | 0:22:36 | 0:22:38 | |
-Oh, wouldn't that be lovely. -Gorgeous. | 0:22:38 | 0:22:41 | |
Excuse me...do any of you like Clown? | 0:22:41 | 0:22:45 | |
God, no, he's a boring old shit! | 0:22:45 | 0:22:47 | |
Hello?! Why would you want him to marry Cathy? | 0:22:49 | 0:22:52 | |
-Well... -It's a wedding. -I love a wedding. | 0:22:52 | 0:22:55 | |
And who knows, he might make her very happy. | 0:22:55 | 0:22:57 | |
If he dies at the reception. | 0:22:57 | 0:22:59 | |
Do any of yous have any idea what it's like to live with a man | 0:23:01 | 0:23:05 | |
who's a complete bore and has no personality? | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
Tell them, Winnie. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
Well... | 0:23:12 | 0:23:13 | |
Hold on now, Agnes, Jacko does have his moment. | 0:23:16 | 0:23:20 | |
When? | 0:23:20 | 0:23:21 | |
April 8th 1985. When Sharon was little. | 0:23:21 | 0:23:25 | |
Ha-ha-ha! Sharon...little! | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
I said to her, "Would you like your daddy to make you toasted soldiers?" | 0:23:29 | 0:23:33 | |
And quick as a flash he said, "Daddy won't, but Mammy will." | 0:23:35 | 0:23:39 | |
Oh, it still makes me laugh today. | 0:23:41 | 0:23:44 | |
And that's what you want for Cathy? | 0:23:48 | 0:23:50 | |
So, how do I look? | 0:23:51 | 0:23:53 | |
-You look lovely. -Stunning. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:55 | |
I'm wearing my tester boobs. I thought I'd try them out on Thomas. | 0:23:55 | 0:23:58 | |
-But I bit... -Ha-ha! Winnie! | 0:23:58 | 0:24:00 | |
Toasty soldiers, I get it now! | 0:24:02 | 0:24:04 | |
Shut your fu... | 0:24:05 | 0:24:07 | |
Here, Cathy, give us a demonstration. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:10 | |
Yeah, show us how it works. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:12 | |
This mightn't be the right time now. | 0:24:12 | 0:24:13 | |
-Because I bit... -Winnie! | 0:24:13 | 0:24:15 | |
Hello, Thomas. What are you doing here? I was just heading out. | 0:24:18 | 0:24:22 | |
Could I have a moment...in private? | 0:24:22 | 0:24:25 | |
Sure, we'll go on ahead. | 0:24:25 | 0:24:26 | |
Follow us down, Cathy. C'mon, let's go. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:29 | |
Sit down, Thomas. I'm glad you called. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:40 | |
Actually, I have a surprise for you. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:43 | |
Oh, shit! | 0:24:43 | 0:24:44 | |
A surprise, really? | 0:24:46 | 0:24:48 | |
What do you think of this? | 0:24:48 | 0:24:49 | |
PFFFRRRRTTT! | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
Look, Cathy, I've been trying to ask you something all week. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:03 | |
I know, it's difficult to get some privacy in this house. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:07 | |
But we're alone now, Thomas, so what is it? | 0:25:07 | 0:25:09 | |
Wait... | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
Does this turn you on? | 0:25:13 | 0:25:15 | |
PFFFRRRTTTT! | 0:25:15 | 0:25:17 | |
-Well, not really, no. -Go on, Thomas. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:25 | |
Well, Cathy, love is a strange thing. | 0:25:26 | 0:25:29 | |
Yes, it is. | 0:25:29 | 0:25:30 | |
PFFFRRRTTT! | 0:25:30 | 0:25:32 | |
And one can never foresee who or what we will love. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:36 | |
No, we can't, Thomas. | 0:25:36 | 0:25:37 | |
I mean, I never dreamt I'd meet anyone as warm and as gentle as you. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:42 | |
-Hiya! -Oh, piss off, Rory! | 0:25:42 | 0:25:45 | |
Go on, Thomas, warm and gentle is me. | 0:25:46 | 0:25:48 | |
PFFFRRRTTT! | 0:25:48 | 0:25:50 | |
Well, to get to the point, Cathy, | 0:25:50 | 0:25:52 | |
I've been offered a wonderful position in a university in America. | 0:25:52 | 0:25:56 | |
That's fantastic. | 0:25:56 | 0:25:57 | |
And I was wondering... | 0:25:57 | 0:25:59 | |
-Yes? -Will you...m... | 0:26:01 | 0:26:03 | |
mind my dog for me? | 0:26:03 | 0:26:05 | |
Oh, Thomas, I've never even considered marriage and now... | 0:26:05 | 0:26:10 | |
Your dog? | 0:26:12 | 0:26:13 | |
Yes, just for a year. | 0:26:13 | 0:26:15 | |
Thomas, I have been a loyal and faithful girlfriend. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:20 | |
PFFFRRRTTT! | 0:26:20 | 0:26:22 | |
I am an attractive and intelligent woman. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:27 | |
PFFFRRRTTT! | 0:26:27 | 0:26:29 | |
With more to offer than any man knows. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:32 | |
PFFFRRRTTT! | 0:26:32 | 0:26:34 | |
For the last year, I have been a loving and caring partner... | 0:26:35 | 0:26:40 | |
PFFFRRRTTT! | 0:26:40 | 0:26:41 | |
And now you want me to mind your dog?! | 0:26:41 | 0:26:47 | |
I'm not so sure now. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:48 | |
Thomas, good luck in America. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:54 | |
And as for your dog? | 0:26:54 | 0:26:56 | |
Why don't you cover him in butter and shove him up your arse! | 0:26:56 | 0:27:01 | |
PFFRRTT! PFFRRTT! PFFRRTT! | 0:27:05 | 0:27:08 | |
Now get out! | 0:27:09 | 0:27:10 | |
PFFFRRRTTT! | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
Well, it's been a hectic week. | 0:27:27 | 0:27:29 | |
But you know, not everything has to be a feckin' drama. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:32 | |
Cathy's heart is broken, but that can be fixed. | 0:27:32 | 0:27:34 | |
And Rory did damage the car for the driving school, | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
but that can be fixed. | 0:27:37 | 0:27:39 | |
You'd be surprised what can be fixed with a little love and tender care. | 0:27:39 | 0:27:43 | |
And a puncture repair outfit. | 0:27:44 | 0:27:46 | |
SHE CACKLES | 0:27:46 | 0:27:48 | |
OK, I've got to stop... stop the fuckin' thing! Stop it! | 0:27:50 | 0:27:53 | |
Stop it! Good night! | 0:27:55 | 0:27:57 | |
# Say hello to the queen of Dublin town | 0:28:00 | 0:28:04 | |
# As the best mum of all She wears the crown | 0:28:05 | 0:28:10 | |
# Mother hen watching all her chicks | 0:28:11 | 0:28:15 | |
# Sassy old lady full of tricks | 0:28:15 | 0:28:17 | |
# It's a safe bet she'd never let life get her down | 0:28:17 | 0:28:23 | |
# She's Mrs Brown | 0:28:23 | 0:28:26 | |
# That's Mrs Brown | 0:28:26 | 0:28:29 | |
# Oh, Mrs Brown. # | 0:28:29 | 0:28:32 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:28:32 | 0:28:34 | |
Heh-heh-heh-heh! | 0:28:34 | 0:28:37 |