Episode 6 Never Mind the Buzzcocks


Episode 6

Anarchic music quiz. Greg Davies hosts, with Frankie Boyle and Noel Fielding, plus The Only Way is Essex star Amy Childs, Tinchy Stryder, Ian 'H' Watkins and comedian Holly Walsh.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

'It's Jupitus. Listen, I can't make it, mate.

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'I'm at the Gaddafi funeral.

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'Apparently they've got a really, really good comedian hosting.

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'Apparently he's a comedy giant.'

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BOOMING FOOTSTEPS

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LOCK JANGLES, DOOR CREAKS

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Hello, Noel. I'm here for Buzzcocks.

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All right, Greg?

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-Shall we get on with it?

-Never realised you were so tall.

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LAUGHTER

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This programme contains some strong language

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Welcome to Never Mind The Buzzcocks. I'm Greg Davies.

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And I don't want to gloat, but in a recent poll

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of which Inbetweeners characters

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you'd most like to see hosting this show,

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number seven!

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The lovely Phill Jupitus can't be here tonight, so in his place,

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we've booked children's author and family favourite, Frankie Boyle!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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So, on Frankie's team tonight...

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She made her name by dressing up vaginas like Christmas trees.

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In her honour, I have two large baubles hanging beneath my penis.

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Just this morning I made it snow all over the place. It's Amy Childs.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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I had a way of remembering our next guest. Now, what was it? Ah, yes.

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A, B, C,

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D, E, F, G, H...

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-I... It's Ian from Steps!

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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And on Noel's team tonight...

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He's won multiple awards, he's the prince of grime,

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he's got his own clothing line

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and as an added bonus,

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he still gets a sticker when he goes to the dentist!

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-It's little Tinchy Stryder!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Our next guest is the answer to the tedious

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and sexist suggestion that women aren't funny.

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She's a brilliant comedian.

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Except, of course, when she's irrationally grumpy

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because she's a woman. It's Holly Walsh.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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We start with a round called Sorry, No Refunds.

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Frankie's team, take a look at this.

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# Baby, baby, baby, oh... #

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Despite his popularity, some people describe him

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as a revolting saccharine monstrosity.

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I am one of those people. It's Justin Bieber.

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# Thought you'd always be mine... #

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That was Justin Bieber with Baby.

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But which of these objects ruined one of his gigs in Berlin earlier this year?

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Was it a birthday cake, bagpipes, or a little snugly blanket?

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The only thing that could ruin a Justin Bieber gig would be a gun jamming in the darkness.

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A weirdly sort of sexless, genderless...

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Not totally. Obviously if he was in prison

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he'd get thrown around like a dog toy.

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-I would do him in a pinch, do you know what I mean?

-I love Justin Bieber!

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Not necessarily a bad thing to imagine Frankie having sex with him?

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-No, that's disgusting.

-Well, you are in for a long show!

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I can't say anything bad about him.

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-Really? Try - it's pretty easy.

-No, no.

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-Weren't you in Celebrity Big Brother?

-I was.

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And Jedward vajazzled you?

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-Yeah.

-What did they do? Did they pebble-dash it?

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Hang on a minute - you what? Vajazzled them?

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A vajazzle is when you put diamonds on your lady parts,

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-pajazzle is when you put diamonds on your men bits.

-Isn't that dangerous?

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Don't you worry that a magpie will steal your clitoris?

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I saw it happen on Autumnwatch.

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Have you ever done a pajazzle?

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- No, I haven't. - There's always a first.

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I've got a Pritt Stick, so let's make this happen!

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-Slam those babies up on the desk.

-I haven't got no babies, you know.

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People of extreme heights have got to stick together.

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When I went to Thorpe Park, they wouldn't let me on the rides either.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Have you ever seen a porn version, where a vajazzle and a pajazzle meet?

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-No, honey, I haven't.

-It'd be like Aliens Vs Predator.

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Does it have to be jewels, or can you put hundreds and thousands...?

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If I dipped my testicles in glue

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and then dragged them along the floor of a barber's,

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would that be a pajazzle?

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You've stolen that from an episode of Art Attack, haven't you?

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The reason they got you into it is the way you say it.

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They thought it's quite funny every time you say it.

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-Vajazzle. ESSEX ACCENT:

-Vajazzle!

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Do I really talk like that?

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-No, you talk like this.

-POSH VOICE:

-Vajazzle!

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Like Roger Moore. Watch James Bond - that's how you talk!

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-AS ROGER MOORE:

-Anyone for a vajazzle?

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-Can you try and talk like that?

-ATTEMPTS POSH VOICE: Hello. Are you OK?

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-Can I say, I was pupil of the year...

-Well, that's Essex for you.

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Elocution lessons, in Year Six, I come top. I got 95%, the way I spoke.

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LAUGHTER

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"I come top of elocution"?

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H, I haven't spoken to you yet, how are you?

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Great, talking about fannies, great!

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-Are you back on tour with Steps?

-Yeah!

-Do you know what I like about that?

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The fact they've managed to get all your diaries together.

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I know that Lee was in a job

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where he was being used to prop open a door.

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Which of the other members of Steps is the one who's doing it most for the money?

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Who is most desperate?

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Nobody's desperate!

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What's brilliant about that is you could have gone, "Nobody's desperate," but you went

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"NOBODY'S DESPERATE! We're not desperate, stop saying that!"

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It's really nice that we're all friends again, cos we weren't.

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-Did you fall out?

-Yeah.

-Who did you fall out with the most?

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Well you know, Claire and I went off and did our things.

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-So the other three?

-Yeah.

-Who's the one you hate most out of the other three?

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I don't hate any of them!

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It's Lee Latchford-Evans, ladies and gentlemen.

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At the peak of your success, do you know who slagged you off publicly?

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-Who?

-Dido.

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-Really?

-Dido said she found Steps depressing,

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-she thought you were shit.

-Do you know what, she's a two-faced bitch.

-She is a two-faced bitch.

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Back to the game, which of the objects do you think were

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-ruined...

-We don't know, we don't care.

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H, the hope has died in your eyes like a pilot light.

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We're going to go with birthday cake

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and we can't really think of a cogent reason.

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-Yeah I think birthday cake, definitely.

-Unbelievably, that is the correct answer.

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Why don't you do a collaboration together?

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Steps and Tinchy, could you imagine?

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You know what, I don't know, man.

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-No-one's going to make you do that.

-Au contraire, Noel.

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I would like you, Tinchy, to swear that you're prepared to do a duet with Steps.

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Everyone in the audience will think you're really mean-spirited otherwise, won't you?

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ALL: Yes!

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Oh yeah? What's it going to be, Tinchy/Steps?

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No, Steps vs Tinchy Stryder.

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I think this is going to make you want to do it. Ian Stryder.

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Ian Stryder?

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Tinchy, where did Tinchy Stryder come from?

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Tinchy, I've always been the smallest one out of all my friends

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so Tinchy the nickname.

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Some of the researchers got hold of your working book

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when you were trying to make up your stage name.

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Oh yeah?

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They've got the ones you used...

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-I remember that book.

-Do you remember it?

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-Yeah, when I was even smaller than this.

-That's it, yeah.

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So One Pack, that was a good one!

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Not Particularly B.I.G, that was a good one.

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Busta Nursery Rhymes...

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-How tall are you?

-6 foot 8. Don't pick on me about my height.

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It's like the two of you are from different dimensions.

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I thought you were going to say Different Strokes.

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That's really offensive!

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Noel, Tincy and Holly, look at this VT.

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This year he was crowned the wealthiest man in hip hop

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with the a fortune of 500 million.

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But is he happy? Of course he's bloody happy!

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It's captain hip hop, P Diddy.

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# We can't be stopped now cos it's Bad Boy for life. #

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That was P Diddy with Bad Boy For Life.

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But which of these objects caused P Diddy's gig to go sour in 2009?

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Was it a stovepipe hat?

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Some bling, or a toy gun?

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-Do you want some bling?

-I'm all right, I got some.

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You vajazzled your own wrist.

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-What's the most expensive piece of jewellery you've got?

-Probably one of my chains, one of my pendants.

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I never talk about the price but it's about the same price

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-as one of them Range Rovers.

-So about 40 grand?

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-You is good at maths, right?

-No I just know how much Range Rovers cost.

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Rapper hints about the value of his bling. Rappers don't hint!

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I'm not telling you how much my bling costs

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but if you had a Range Rover...

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A Range Rover was about

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the most middle class thing you could have picked!

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I've got a Range Rover that's got room in the back for the kids.

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Do you know what strikes me about each of those props, is that I think

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you're perfectly placed to re-create the death of Abraham Lincoln.

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-Do you think this is strong enough to knock this off the desk?

-Well I want to see if it is.

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Can we not try and knock it off Tinchy's head then?

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LAUGHTER

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I don't mind, you can go for me if you want. It's too big!

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They've done you up, Tinchy, I've got a massive head

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and it's even too big for me.

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-Yeah, your head is big.

-All right!

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Put it on Greg's head.

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Shoot me in the face. No, I don't even want protection,

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I want to be shot in the face by that gun.

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Do it!

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Can I just have this?

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Oh!

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Oh, no, this game's over. Sit down, take that off.

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Tinchy's ruined that for everyone, I'm afraid.

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I have now been shot in the face by a rapper, though, that's pretty fucking awesome.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Have you any idea which one of these might have ruined P. Diddy's gig?

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Tinchy's worked with P. Diddy, haven't you?

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Yeah, I done a remix with him on a track called 'Hello, Good Morning'.

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Hello, good morning.

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-Very polite rap track, isn't it?

-LAUGHTER

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-He's got a bad reputation with handling firearms in public.

-P. Diddy has?

-Yes.

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He went to a light club and let one off - I'm talking about a gun.

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LAUGHTER

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P. Diddy and his butler, called Bentley.

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He's got one called Bentley?

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How much does he cost, about the price of a Bentley?

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Maybe a Bentley and a Range Rover, as well.

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You realise this is a type of autism you've got, you realise that?

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I reckon 10 goes to a cashpoint and it's "A Fiesta...

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..an Espace..."

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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-It's the bling.

-Yeah, the bling.

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You're absolutely right, it was the bling.

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APPLAUSE

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While throwing money into the crowd, he lost a 20,000 ring

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and had the building shut down so each audience member could be frisked.

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A number of people claimed to have seen Diddy's ring,

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but then, he does wear his trousers very low.

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P. Diddy once spent £2,100 on a four-foot cocktail.

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I don't know if you've ever seen a four-foot cocktail,

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but if you don't know what they look like I've got one down here.

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Tinchy, would you like a little?

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Next up it's the Intros round.

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Frankie and H, here are yours for Amy.

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Don't make it hard for me.

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HE GIGGLES

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LAUGHTER

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# Bum-bum, bum-wurrulum wurrulum-bum-bum, bum-wurrulum... #

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-That's not what we rehearsed!

-That's creepy.

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LAUGHTER

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That's definitely not it!

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I know you've not got a musical background, but...

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LAUGHTER

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-You should put a few song words in there.

-That's not the point of the game, is it?

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# Waow waow

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# Bada-wup-wup, bada-wup-badup-wup Bada-wup-wup bada-wup-badup-wup

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# Bada-wup-wup bada-wup...

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# BADA-WUP-WUP BADA-WUP-BADUP-WUP! #

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LAUGHTER

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Amy, I'm going to give you a clue here, because there's no way

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that the second "bada-wup-wup" is that sexually aggressive, right?

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I'd rather listen to Tinchy's music than this music.

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-AUDIENCE: Oooh!

-It's not that bad!

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-Can we have a go?

-Yes, I'm passing it over to you.

-Can we have a go at singing it?

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-I want all three of us to make that noise.

-It's like the Early Learning Centre over here.

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Holly.

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# Baba-lub-ba-bubub bu-ba-blub, Baba-lub-ba-bubub bu-ba-blub...

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# Baba-lub-ba-bubub bu-ba-blub...

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Go on, Tinch, put a beat behind it, son.

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HE BEATBOXES

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Noel, do you have an idea what this song is?

0:14:150:14:18

Is it Michael Jackson?

0:14:180:14:20

-No. Tinch?

-Is it...

0:14:200:14:22

..Michael Jackson?

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LAUGHTER

0:14:240:14:28

What's the music from The Only Way Is Essex?

0:14:300:14:33

# The only way is up... #

0:14:330:14:35

'The Only Way Is Up' is the right answer!

0:14:350:14:37

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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And here's how it should have sounded.

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-SONG: "The Only Way Is Up"

-Frankie, would you like to come in over the top?

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# BADA-WUP-WUP, BADA-WUP-BADUP-WUP!

0:14:450:14:48

LAUGHTER

0:14:480:14:50

Next one, please.

0:14:510:14:53

# Ding-da-ding-ding ding-ding Ding-da-ding-ding ding-ding

0:14:530:14:57

HE WHISTLES

0:14:570:14:59

Maroon 5. Can you sing it little bit?

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LAUGHTER

0:15:020:15:04

Why don't we print out the title and give you that?

0:15:040:15:07

-Sorry.

-Right, I'm offering it to the other team.

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-Is it 'Moves Like Jagger'?

-Yes.

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-Damn right.

-Oh, I knew that one.

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APPLAUSE

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You're absolutely right, and this is how it should have sounded.

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SONG: "Moves Like Jagger"

0:15:200:15:26

That was Maroon 5 with 'Moves Like Jagger'.

0:15:280:15:31

Maroon 5's Adams Levine says he knows when a song

0:15:310:15:34

is going to be a hit if his little sister and brother like it,

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and then go out and buy 75,000 copies each.

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LAUGHTER

0:15:390:15:41

I find if you're listening to particularly bland music such as Maroon 5

0:15:410:15:44

and you want to spIce it up a bit,

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it helps to imagine Antony Worrall Thompson having sex to it.

0:15:460:15:49

SONG: "Moves Like Jagger"

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LAUGHTER

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That was nasty, man.

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Sorry.

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LAUGHTER

0:16:060:16:08

Noel and Tinchy, here are yours for Holly.

0:16:080:16:11

Remember, it's the title of the song we're after, Tinchy.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:16:130:16:18

It's even funnier than I imagined.

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# Neme-neme-neme neow

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# Weow-neow-neow weow-neow-neow weow

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-# Neme-neme-neme neow

-# Neme-neme-neme neow...

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# Weow-neow-neow weow-neow-neow neow

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# Neme-neme-neme neow...

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# Oooh-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo... #

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Yeah.

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LAUGHTER

0:16:440:16:45

-Is it 'Layla'?

-It is 'Layla'!

0:16:450:16:46

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:16:460:16:48

You're Absolutely right.

0:16:480:16:50

Here's how it should have sounded.

0:16:500:16:53

SONG: "Layla"

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That was Eric Clapton with Layla.

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He wrote Layla about his unrequited love for Pattie Boyd

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who at the time was married to George Harrison.

0:17:170:17:19

For the sake of secrecy he changed the song from its original working title,

0:17:190:17:23

I Want To Get Off With George Harrison's Wife.

0:17:230:17:25

At one point Clapton claimed

0:17:250:17:27

he was drinking two bottles of vodka a day.

0:17:270:17:30

That's nothing.

0:17:300:17:31

Some days I'll get through four or five of these bad boys.

0:17:310:17:35

Tinchy would you like a little?

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APPLAUSE

0:17:400:17:44

-Shall we have your final one?

-Yeah.

0:17:450:17:46

One, two, three four,

0:17:460:17:48

BOTH: # Do-do-do-do Do-do-do-do

0:17:480:17:54

# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ah-ah-ah-ah! #

0:17:540:18:01

Yeah!

0:18:010:18:04

-Holding Out For A Hero?

-Yes! Unbelievable.

0:18:040:18:07

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:18:070:18:10

Here's how it should have sounded.

0:18:100:18:13

MUSIC PLAYS

0:18:130:18:16

# Do-do-do-do Ahhh-ahhh

0:18:250:18:31

# Where have all the good men gone... #

0:18:310:18:33

That was Bonnie Tyler with Holding Out For A Hero.

0:18:330:18:35

Bonnie Tyler sang at the wedding of Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas.

0:18:350:18:39

Apparently she sang Catherine's favourite song for Michael - Grandad We Love You.

0:18:390:18:44

Tinchy, have you ever sung at anyone's wedding?

0:18:440:18:46

-I've never actually been to a wedding.

-Never?

0:18:460:18:48

-What?! You've never been to a wedding?

-No.

0:18:480:18:51

-You guys should get married.

-Me and Amy.

0:18:510:18:54

-OK.

-That was easy!

0:18:540:18:56

You think it's easy. Wait till you're married to her.

0:18:560:19:00

Thanks a lot, Frank.

0:19:000:19:01

Do you know what I wonder about those shows, The Only Way Is Essex

0:19:010:19:05

and the Geordie one, is why are people always so drunk and wasted?

0:19:050:19:09

The Only Way Is Essex, we weren't allowed to drink at all.

0:19:090:19:11

I remember when to shag a teenager I'd have to get them drunk.

0:19:110:19:14

Nowadays I've got to sober them up!

0:19:140:19:17

Nice to see the controversies of the past have blunted you, Frankie!

0:19:170:19:21

At the end of that round Noel's team have four

0:19:230:19:26

and Frankie's team have two.

0:19:260:19:28

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:19:280:19:31

Round Three is the Identity Parade.

0:19:350:19:37

Frankie, H and Amy, what about some turn of the century UK Garage.

0:19:370:19:43

For the audience only here is DJ Luck and MC Neat??

0:19:430:19:47

MUSIC: "With A Little Bit Of Luck" by DJ Luck And MC Neat

0:19:470:19:50

That was DJ Luck and MC Neat with A Little Bit Of Luck.

0:20:020:20:05

Which of our line up is DJ Luck aka Joel Samuels?

0:20:050:20:09

Is it number one, A Little Bit of Luck?

0:20:090:20:12

Number two, A Little Bit Weird?

0:20:120:20:14

Number three, A Little Bit Of Rough?

0:20:140:20:17

Number four, A Little Bit Of What You Like Won't Hurt You?

0:20:170:20:20

Or Number Five, A Little Bit Funny This Feeling Inside?

0:20:200:20:25

# I'm not one of those who can easily hide. #

0:20:250:20:32

Frankie's team, it's all yours.

0:20:320:20:35

It's like they tried to film The Sopranos in Leeds.

0:20:350:20:39

There's only two of them that you'd accept a drink from.

0:20:390:20:43

Number four looks like a disgraced hypnotist.

0:20:430:20:48

I don't think they're Steps fans, are they?

0:20:480:20:51

Raise your hand if you are a Steps fan.

0:20:530:20:55

LAUGHTER

0:20:550:20:56

Right across the board.

0:20:560:20:59

And nobody in the audience either!

0:20:590:21:02

-Tinchy.

-No, he just want to go to the bathroom.

0:21:040:21:07

Are these guys Simon Cowell's actual fiancees?

0:21:100:21:14

-Right, yeah.

-They all have the air of Dale Farm bailiffs.

0:21:160:21:19

Apart from the very talented DJ we're looking for.

0:21:190:21:22

-OK.

-Amy.

0:21:220:21:24

Me and my brother, we used to listen to it and I know which one it is. Will you high five me?

0:21:240:21:29

-Baby!

-I think I know it so...

0:21:290:21:33

Who is the man we're looking for?

0:21:330:21:35

Number one.

0:21:350:21:36

Let's find out. Will the real Joel Samuels please step forward?

0:21:360:21:40

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:21:400:21:43

Now working on a new album - Joel Samuels, aka DJ Luck, ladies and gentlemen.

0:21:450:21:50

I love that song. Great song. Sadly I thought it was an entirely different song.

0:21:560:22:01

-You were doing a remix of it!

-But I do like that song.

0:22:010:22:04

-I like it.

-I know you like it, Tinch.

-Amy likes it.

-100 per cent.

-On we go.

0:22:040:22:08

This is like the last day of school where the teacher tries to join in!

0:22:080:22:13

"Kids, I love this one! Whoa!"

0:22:130:22:16

"That's not it, sir!"

0:22:160:22:18

Noel, Holly and Tinchy, how about some 70s pop?

0:22:180:22:21

For the audience only here are Racey.

0:22:210:22:25

# Some girls will

0:22:250:22:27

# Some girls won't

0:22:270:22:29

# Some girls need a lot of loving

0:22:290:22:33

# And some girls don't

0:22:330:22:36

# Well I know I've got the fever

0:22:360:22:38

# But I don't know why

0:22:380:22:40

# Some say they will and some girls lie. #

0:22:400:22:44

That was Racey with Some Girls,

0:22:440:22:46

but which one of our line up was drummer Clive Wilson?

0:22:460:22:50

Is it number one, Some Girls?

0:22:500:22:52

Number two, Some Girls Like It Hot?

0:22:520:22:55

Number three, Some Girls Don't Get Me?

0:22:550:22:57

Number four, Some Girls actually like this look?

0:22:570:23:00

Number five, Some Girl Ripped My Heart Out And Tore It Into A

0:23:000:23:04

Thousand Pieces, But I Forgive Her? "Call Me.

0:23:040:23:07

Please call me!

0:23:070:23:09

Noel's team, it's with you.

0:23:100:23:11

Number four and five look like the film Twins...

0:23:110:23:15

40 years later.

0:23:150:23:18

APPLAUSE

0:23:180:23:21

I fancy a little drink, as well, Tinchy.

0:23:220:23:24

LAUGHTER

0:23:240:23:26

APPLAUSE

0:23:260:23:31

Tinch, do you want me to take you over there

0:23:310:23:33

to have a closer look at them? I don't mind.

0:23:330:23:35

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:23:470:23:50

Let me just check something.

0:23:500:23:51

-Yeah, that's close enough, man.

-Tinchy's made his decision.

0:24:020:24:05

FRANKIE: They look like a zombie Showaddywaddy.

0:24:050:24:08

They all look like a bunch of lorry drivers who have been made over by Gok Wan.

0:24:100:24:14

-Who do you think?

-Well, it's not The Penguin.

0:24:140:24:17

HOOTING

0:24:170:24:20

-How old were you when you were dancing to this song?

-A little kid.

0:24:200:24:23

I'm only in my late-30s now.

0:24:230:24:25

-How old are you?

-How old do you think?

0:24:250:24:27

I think you're 40-plus.

0:24:270:24:29

Be specific, Tinchy.

0:24:290:24:31

I think you're, like, round the same age as a Range Rover would cost.

0:24:320:24:35

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:24:350:24:38

That was a great joke and it's the only one that can go in the show.

0:24:450:24:49

Noel, I'll have to push you for an answer.

0:24:510:24:53

-I think it's number two. Holly?

-I think one.

-All right, one. We'll go with Holly.

0:24:530:24:59

Let's find out. Would the real Clive Wilson please step forward?

0:24:590:25:02

APPLAUSE

0:25:030:25:05

Still touring with Racey, Clive Wilson, ladies and gentleman!

0:25:090:25:13

APPLAUSE

0:25:140:25:18

So we end with the quickfire round.

0:25:180:25:20

Before I became a comedian, I was a teacher for 13 lonely, miserable years,

0:25:200:25:25

so I have had some experience in setting tests.

0:25:250:25:27

Here is my test. It will cover all areas of the National Curriculum.

0:25:270:25:32

Noel's team, you are in the lead, so you go first.

0:25:320:25:34

Your time starts now.

0:25:360:25:38

What is Yazz's first law of physics?

0:25:380:25:40

-The Only Way Is Up.

-Correct.

0:25:420:25:43

Now, for Holly, I would like you to spell the name of Coldplay's latest album,

0:25:440:25:49

-which I don't think I can pronounce.

-S-H-I-T?

0:25:490:25:52

Please welcome our special guests...

0:25:560:25:59

What school regulations is AC/DC's Angus Young flagrantly breaking in this picture?

0:25:590:26:06

Smoking.

0:26:060:26:07

-There is more than one. Smoking.

-Is it Michaelmas term and he is wearing shorts?

0:26:070:26:11

No, too specific.

0:26:110:26:12

-It's a simple one.

-His top button's undone.

-Thank you, Amy.

0:26:130:26:16

-You've given that point to them.

-Oh, sorry.

0:26:160:26:21

-An all-girls school?

-Hand in his pocket?

0:26:210:26:22

No, he's brought boys from outside onto the school property.

0:26:220:26:27

LAUGHTER

0:26:270:26:28

-True or false? 'We don't need no education'?

-True.

-False.

0:26:280:26:32

-False. Qualifications are very important.

-END-OF-ROUND JINGLE

0:26:320:26:36

Frankie's team, you need five points to sew this entire game up.

0:26:390:26:44

-We can do it.

-Of course you can(!)

0:26:440:26:46

I thought we could, then I heard your voice behind me.

0:26:470:26:50

What historic battle do ABBA sing about?

0:26:530:26:56

-Waterloo.

-Correct. If Jay-Z has 99 Problems and writes each one down on a red balloon in New York,

0:26:560:27:02

which he then releases into a 40mph south-easterly wind,

0:27:020:27:06

how many red balloons will have landed in New Jersey two days later?

0:27:060:27:10

100.

0:27:100:27:11

LAUGHTER

0:27:110:27:14

He's coincidentally run into someone else's red balloon?

0:27:160:27:19

I reckon it would be about 20.

0:27:200:27:23

I was going to say I would accept any answer between five and 20.

0:27:230:27:26

You get the point. What school uniform regulations is Britney Spears flagrantly breaching

0:27:260:27:31

-in this photograph?

-Being a crazy, mental slut.

0:27:310:27:34

LAUGHTER

0:27:340:27:36

That'll do. Well done.

0:27:360:27:37

-Tricky one here. I'd like you to spell YMCA.

-Y-M-C-A.

0:27:390:27:41

Correct. Well done.

0:27:410:27:43

END-OF-ROUND-JINGLE

0:27:430:27:46

So the final scores are, Frankie's team have 6 points

0:27:480:27:51

and Noel's team have 7.

0:27:510:27:53

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:27:530:27:57

Thanks to Frankie Boyle, H and Amy Childs,

0:28:000:28:03

Noel, Tinchy Stryder and Holly Walsh.

0:28:030:28:05

This has been Never Mind The Buzzcocks and I've been Greg Davies. Goodnight.

0:28:050:28:10

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:100:28:13

Subtitles By Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:320:28:35

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:350:28:38

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