Sleeping Dogs Nurse Jackie

-Previously...

-Please step away from the gurney transfers and the heavy lifting.

And for the love of all that's good and holy, get an MRI.

I almost don't want to see the damage.

We want to launch a city-wide campaign featuring you as the face of All Saints.

Dr Cooper, pay attention! You need to pay attention!

Dude! Dude! What the hell?

You know I'm fine.

You don't need to stay here.

This programme contains some strong language

This machine is a piece of shit!

I'm going to begin interviewing for a pharmacist.

I've already put in a call to Eddie Walzer.

Awesome!

Eddie kind of lost it when the Pill-O-Matix came. He was good at his job, but...

All right. I hear you.

Grace, open the door!

Honey...

Oh, my God.

Hi. Is Dr O'Hara in yet?

Great, can you get her for me?

I'll wait. I got it. Thanks.

Here you go, sweetie.

Good morning. How are you?

Can I steal you for a minute when I get in?

OK. Great, thanks.

-Who's seen this?

-Half of ortho.

The main spine guy is in Barbados.

Meanwhile, my follow-ups keep getting pushed.

Yeah, well fuck that. You need to see a specialist.

Well, I am the least of my problems.

Grace is pulling her hair out.

Oh, God. I'm really sorry, Jackie.

Eddie used to give me some oxy.

You know, between cortisone shots when it would get really bad.

I could do that if you like.

Give you a couple of oxy.

Yeah. You know, I guess that would...

Short of banging you over the head to put you out of your misery, I don't see what else I can do.

All right. Great. Just let me know.

-I'll stop by and get a prescription.

-Oh...

No, because you know what happens is it flares up and I haven't...

You know, never mind. It's beating a dead horse.

Who came up with that anyway?

The same awful people that like to kill two birds with one stone, I imagine.

You know who I like? People who let sleeping dogs lie.

What qualifies you for the position of emergency department pharmacist?

What qualifies me? Seriously?

I did this job for 10 years.

You also came in here drunk.

Not to mention you had to have your stomach pumped.

One might think these incidents would disqualify you to run a pharmacy.

Oh man, either you want me back or you don't.

Cook me or sew me back up.

This in-between shit...

I need some assurance that you're stable.

Both things happened after I left.

My work was impeccable for 10 years.

Plus I still have a lab coat, so you save...

Right, now you're going to tell me you'll get back to me and I'll be checking my messages.

Or I might just say welcome back to All Saints.

Yeah? Really?

-I'm going to rock this shit.

-I wish you wouldn't.

-No, it's just an expression.

-Still.

Eddie! It's going to be like old times, bro! I'm telling you.

-Hey. Hey. This is the man!

-No, listen, Coop...

-This is the man right here!

-Coop. Coop, listen, I got to bounce.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, later. Bounce. Bounce.

Hey, got a minute?

-Actually, I don't.

-Yeah, well, we got a wackjob coming in five, so I'll keep it brief.

Emotionally disturbed person, Dr Cooper.

Here's what it is.

-I think I was part of a very successful campaign.

-You were.

-So how come they're taking the posters down?

-Stop that!

I mean, why not keep a good thing going?

-Right? Seems to me...

-All Saints rented the ad space for six weeks.

-Those six weeks are up, Dr Cooper.

-BUZZING

Please answer your pager.

You heard that? It's on vibrate.

-Someone may be dying.

-Oh, the nurses will keep them alive until I get there. It's their job.

So, uh,

what needs to happen in order to keep the campaign going?

I mean - sorry -

I'm totally willing to keep the, you know, campaign going. I'll, I don't know, pay out of pocket.

I could pay for the ad space if it helps.

-That's a very generous offer, Dr Cooper.

-Well, I'm a very generous guy.

-So, uh, seems like a win-win, right? What do you think?

-BUZZING

-I can hear your pager vibrating, Dr Cooper.

-I know, I know. Whatever.

Just... Can you think about it? Hmm?

Gloria?

30-ish male, altered mental status. Found disoriented and naked.

-Wackjob. Got it.

-EDP psych eval.

Dude started peeling clothes off at the grocery store.

-They called the police. The police called us.

-No, stay here.

Give me the keys. Thank you.

Get his arms.

Someone tell the cops to stop dumping their disorderlies at All Saints.

On my count, one, two, three.

You're all right. You're OK.

-We're right here.

-Let's keep him sedated. Give him five and two.

He's not agitated and he's not resisting.

BP's 110 over 70.

I want to stay on top of it. Start the line. Hey, buddy. Hmm? Buddy?

-You know where you are?

-No.

-No.

-You're at All Saints.

Can you tell me your name?

No? I'm Jackie. Don't worry, we're going to take very good care of you, OK?

He smells like fresh laundry.

Hey, Marco? Can you tell me how you got here today?

No.

-Do you know what year it is?

-No, ma'am.

-It's 2010.

Thank you.

Can you ask around and see if you can find some family?

I thought I recognised you. Marco Prince, linebacker, right?

Wow. This guy's famous. It's an honour to meet you.

Brotherhood of the broken nose, right?

Hey, kill the H and A, he's cool.

Marco, we're going to take good care of you. Are you having a rough day?

Yeah. Dude got picked in the first round.

Linebackers never get picked in the first round.

Mm hmm. Florida Gaters, I know. I'm gay, I'm not a girl.

Sam's calling around. There's a lady in 3 - 49, she's having pain in her swimsuit area.

I'm thinking it's an appy. Can I take it?

-It's all yours.

-Let's get this guy an MRI,

full blood and spinal tap, rule out infection, brain tumour, bleed.

Treat him like a king, huh?

As opposed to a wackjob?

Marco Prince - fantastic.

Lo...wer ab...do...minal...pain.

-We've been through this already.

-Just being thorough.

Are you sexually active?

No. Pretty much just lie there.

No, I meant, um...

Ah, a joke, got it.

-Hello, hello.

-Lower quadrant. Uh, CBC came back. White count's high.

We're in line for a beta and waiting on a CAT scan.

I'm telling you right now my appendix is dead and rotting.

So how about a Valium drip and a nice Merlot?

I'm not saying no.

I do think your appendix has ruptured.

All right. Rule out pregnancy, Get her into CT and call the OR.

Oh, my God, the two of you.

Seriously, I'm forty-fucking-nine years old, OK?

-May I help you?

-I'm looking for Marco Prince.

-Hi. Are you his wife?

-There's my guy.

Hey, baby.

-I'm sorry.

-What are you sorry for?

Would you like to eat something? We have some meal trays right over here.

-That would be nice.

-OK.

-You know what happened?

-Someone called the police. That's all I know.

Janelle came looking for you, but you were already gone.

Oh. Where did I go?

SuperValu.

What did I do?

-Took off your clothes.

-Oh, God.

Baby, no. It's not a big deal.

Good-looking guy like you, you made their day.

Look, you had to leave work again.

You know what I say to that?

Lucky me. That's what I say.

-If either of you need anything, please don't hesitate.

-OK.

Do you mind me asking

-if you're the same Marco Prince who played ball?

-Yes, ma'am.

-Yes, you mind or yes, you are?

-Yes, I am.

You have officially made my day, Mr Prince.

Blindside sack on the Tennessee quarterback...

You're my hero.

You are so brave.

I could never move to a foreign country.

Oh, you underestimate yourself.

Mm, no. I would miss American candy.

What you'd miss are your people.

-I don't have people.

-Excuse me, I beg your pardon, you have me, you have Jackie, you have Lenny.

(Having Lenny scares me.)

Ooh! NOT having Lenny scares me!

Wow. OK. Huh.

So who do you miss from your foreign land?

-The Queen.

-Together?

-Yes.

No.

-Yes.

-What if I can never pay you back?

She's my friend.

So, we ordered an MRI and a spinal tap.

They are doing his bloodwork as we speak.

Can we cancel it, please?

-Sorry?

-You need to cancel the MRI.

Our insurance is going to kick it back. We can't afford it.

It's not like anyone can fix it.

He's not sick, sick.

He's got early onset dementia.

He was a linebacker.

-Mm, yes, I heard. First round.

-And he's not six-five and he's not

300 pounds, so he's fast and tough as shit.

I could wallpaper my bathroom with MRIs. We don't need another one.

-I know what his brain looks like. All right?

-Yeah. Yeah, I got it.

What are you doing for lunch?

Want to get a little Quiznos, hang out in the pharmacy, kick it old school?

Mm, can't turn back the hands of time, Coop.

So let's do something different.

-Sushi!

-I made plans, bro. Sorry.

Water off a duck's back. Pff!

Hey, Zoey, you want to get a little lunch?

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'm having lunch with Jackie.

(Help a sister out.)

-Sorry, Lenny. Ladies only.

-That's cool.

What about you? You want to get a grinder?

As wildly tempting as a grinder sounds,

I have far too much respect for Zoey to horn in on her territory.

Loud and clear.

I'll go to lunch with you.

No, thanks.

What about you, Thor? Grab a bite?

-No lunch for Thor today. He needs to drop some of that weight.

-I can totally hear you.

Still need to drop some of that weight.

-You need anything?

-No. Just - thank you.

It's embarrassing. You know, you break your arm, you're still you.

You break your brain and you're not you anymore and it freaks me out.

I mean, we used to have it nailed down.

We had a guy who lived with us.

He took care of me, but...

We pretty much burned through everything we had. So...

Our neighbour looks in on him.

I don't know where I go, man,

because I don't want to leave

but I do and I don't know why.

I have a beautiful wife,

a beautiful life. It's slipping off my plate,

every day a little more.

Hey. Hard day?

Oh, same old. You?

Just happy to be back.

It's going to be different now. You know that, right?

Why?

Eddie.

Remember that time when I walked in on you guys?

Oh God, Zoey!

-Good times.

-Yeah.

Let's make this quick.

So, thank you for having lunch with me.

Go on.

Lenny is so nice to me. Much, much, much nicer than I am to him.

-That's because he likes you.

-Yes.

I am aware of that, which is why I've called this meeting.

Clearly, we have sizzling chemistry.

Obviously.

Uh, actually, Zoey, it's not that obvious. But if it's obvious to you, that's all that matters.

He's into me.

That's...

for sure.

Get to your point.

Should I hook up with him or not?

You don't have a mother or a best friend or somebody you can be having this conversation with?

Yes, but they're all gossips. You know how to keep a secret.

That is fo' sho'. Private life is private life.

Um, we're not talking about me.

My point exactly.

-So what do I do?

-Um, well, you have to see him every day.

It might become weird.

It's already kind of weird.

Well, then I would have to caution you against fooling around with co-workers.

And if you are still going to, then I would suggest you slow down about it.

But the heart wants what the heart wants!

You know what I'm talking about.

-Actually, I don't.

-You and Eddie.

-Yes?

-Hooked up.

-OK, Zoey, you know what?

Yes. You and Lenny in a back room on a cot somewhere and someone like you can walk in on you.

That's good stuff, very romantic and I wish you all the best.

Oh, no, come back!

OK, good talk, thank you.

This is the way it used to be,

hanging out in the back, talking shit about nurses. Nice.

Go easy on the nurse smack.

How come you're not a doctor?

-Seriously.

-I could ask you the same thing.

I AM a doctor.

No, I mean how come you're not a nurse?

All the work, none of the pay, zero glory.

Hmm? I'd die. I'd be dead.

Not true. I have an awesome life.

-Yeah. But would I think it was awesome? Hmm?

-I think you would.

You should tag along with us after work.

A little Coop reunion. You can meet my lady, see my world.

-Yeah. Really?

-Yeah.

What should I wear?

Is there anyone you want me to call?

You could call my father and he could yell at me for being an unwed mother.

I had sex once in six years.

Once. I'm 49.

-Did I mention that?

-You did.

That's a very smart hat, by the way.

I'm just going off what Diane Keaton did in her last movie, you know.

White bounces the light and shaves off decades.

Yes, well nothing shaves off decades like a stroller and a sippy cup.

I never even thought about being a mother.

Maybe one summer when I was 26, I thought about how great it would be to have a bunch of kids.

But since then, it never occurred to me.

What about you?

All my life.

A divorce?

You have lost your mind.

Occupational hazard.

The fact is, you don't make enough to take care of him and you make too much to qualify for Medicaid.

This is who you wanted me to see?

She's been fucking the system for 30 years. I would listen to her.

I didn't make the rules. I don't even believe in them.

-I'm just passing on information.

-As a married couple, your income is his income,

Medicaid will not help him if he's tied to your assets.

You can quit your job, but then your whole family is dependent on the state. It's your call.

But he needs round-the-clock care.

-I only make 52,000...

-The sooner you put this in motion, the better.

His costs are going to be catastrophic as this thing plays out.

Medicaid will cover it, but not as long as you're in the picture.

Today's visit alone, without the MRI,

would cost you 11,000.

-You're serious?

-Yeah, we are.

You will lose your house.

They'll garnish your income.

To that end, All Saints would like to take care of today

and give him a clean bill of health so that you're only liable for future expenses.

I promised to love him.

-You don't have to be married to love him. It's just a piece of paper.

-Maybe to you.

-You wiped out her bill.

-My boy went to the University of Florida.

Love the Gators.

Yeah, we're getting too old for this shit.

Speak for yourself.

-I don't care what they say, you are not a grinchy little fucker.

-Who's "they"?

Um, that would be me.

BEATBOXING

THEY BEATBOX AND SING

He used to get loaded and now he does this. Pretty cool, huh?

Yeah, cool.

What?

Ah, you wouldn't understand.

Try me.

Uh, cool guys never like me. Never.

I'm like the plague.

They think I don't know it, but I do.

-(RAPS)

-I don't care what you said, I think the rapper's leaving the site like an ambulance,

like whoo hoo, and I'm dropping beats like...

It's all good. I'm a doctor.

Doop doop, whoop whoop!

(RAPS) My name is Coop doot dootilly doop

I'm a doctor cos I got patients

But I don't have patience for busted rhyme

Cos sometimes they're malignant Sometimes they're benign

And I'm a... I hate nurses who whine

Dootilly doot doo doot dootilly doo...

I feel the flow and I see the light, whoa, don't trip, man, you're going to have to breathe right...

I told you, I'm a total knob.

I don't have a cool bone in my body.

You look cool. That's half the battle.

-No, I don't... Yeah? You think so?

-Definitely.

He'll be with these guys all night.

You want to bounce?

-Is that bad?

-I can walk you home if you want.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

Unacceptable.

What are you people doing?

People come to me with their guts hanging out and I stuff them back in.

I don't slide appointments around so I can lie on a beach with my colleagues.

-Now hold on a minute.

-Why isn't anybody helping my friend?

I don't know what Grace talked about in her last session.

I do not want you to break her confidence, but I'm just looking for some advice at this point.

But my daughter is pulling her hair out.

I don't know if she's telling you this stuff, but this is what she's doing.

I will pay you for your time, I just - I don't know.

Yes, I understand. I just...

I just thought you should know.

OK. All right.

Thank you.

Oh, my God, you're in scrubs. I need your help.

Just call 911, my boyfriend's having a seizure.

-Is he epileptic?

-Yeah, but I've never seen him have a seizure before.

-Can you give him some room?

Can I have your jacket?

We just have to wait it out. He'll be OK.

Get outside and wait, please. Can you step back? Listen, you are not helping him.

He needs calm. Go. I got it.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Roxicodone...

Holy shit. Are you a dealer? You a fucking doctor? What?

Oh, God, forgive me. It's OK. You'll be all right.

SIRENS WAIL

You're OK.

There's no Jackie Peyton in the system.

My mistake.

I don't know whose MRI you saw but it wasn't hers.

-Because if she had an MRI, it would be here.

-Yes, I understand that.

I can't do more than apologise and say "My mistake."

-Where are you taking him?

-All Saints.

Mm, he should go to Bellevue.

-Uh, can we take him to Bellevue?

-All Saints is closer.

-Bellevue is better, trust me.

-We want to go to Bellevue.

Do what she wants.

Bellevue.

-My God, thank you so much.

-You don't have to thank me.

It's what I do.

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