P.O. Box Nurse Jackie


P.O. Box

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This programme contains strong language.

0:00:020:00:04

-Had this been an actual broken bone, Fiona's arm would be quite bruised.

-Real blood, fake cast.

0:00:040:00:10

I think it would be good to be a patient.

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I talked to Kevin about your idea of a gift for the girls and I...

0:00:110:00:16

It just makes him uncomfortable.

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Every interaction is stored in the Pill-O-Matix memory.

0:00:180:00:20

It's totally inappropriate to have this meeting in front of Eddie.

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-Your shitty pill dispenser is replacing me.

-What up?

0:00:230:00:26

Is your face different?

0:00:260:00:28

-Yeah. I trimmed my goatee.

-Looks good.

0:00:280:00:32

-I do not like that guy.

-I do not care. Take it up with HR.

0:00:330:00:36

-I'd be happy to go to HR.

-Shouldn't you be peeing in a cup somewhere?

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Shouldn't you?

0:00:410:00:43

When I get nervous, I act out with inappropriate sexual touches.

0:00:430:00:46

-It's like Tourette's.

-Yo, Eddie, what's up?

-Hey.

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Oh, my God, he's completely mad.

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And everyone said I had the coolest show-and-tell ever.

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And Dr O'Hara took a big saw and cut off my cast.

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And she was wearing a really pretty purple dress with high heels.

0:02:000:02:03

I know, honey. I was there, remember?

0:02:030:02:06

-You were?

-Yes. Eat your burger.

0:02:060:02:09

-She smells like flowers.

-Really? What do I smell like?

0:02:120:02:15

I really want to send Fi to Immaculate Virgin with Grace.

0:02:200:02:23

-She's perfectly happy where she is.

-Well, I'm not.

0:02:230:02:25

This year, last year, both teachers calling our parenting into question? It's none of their goddamn business.

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No, I don't disagree, but where will the money come from?

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No. We're not taking handouts from O'Hara or anyone.

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It's not a handout. And it's not for us. It's for the girls.

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Jackie, I'm not having this conversation again, OK? Promise me.

0:02:430:02:47

All right. Well, we can figure something out.

0:02:470:02:48

You need to hear me.

0:02:480:02:50

You need to promise me that we're not going to take that money.

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OK, I promise.

0:02:530:02:56

-Mommy, can I have Grace's French fries?

-Why, where's Grace?

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She's in the bathroom.

0:03:010:03:03

She said she needed some privacy.

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Why does she need privacy? She's a kid.

0:03:050:03:06

Grace, are you OK?

0:03:130:03:15

Grace, open the door.

0:03:160:03:18

-Hey, are you OK? What's going on?

-Nothing.

-Are you sure?

0:03:210:03:26

I'll find out what's going on at those sessions.

0:03:330:03:35

She won't tell you what they talk about.

0:03:350:03:38

Dr Bowen said Grace will open up about it when she wants to.

0:03:380:03:41

-That's a bunch of crap. I'm her mother.

-When she's ready to talk to you, sweetie, she will.

0:03:410:03:45

How am I supposed to help her if everything is a secret?

0:03:450:03:47

Hi. I need a money order, please.

0:04:410:04:43

Ooh! Full moon, totally called it.

0:04:510:04:53

-Asshole.

-Totally called it.

-How is this tangled already?

0:04:530:04:56

This day is already too long. A little help here!

0:04:560:04:59

Took a while to bring it up - it's always a difficult discussion.

0:04:590:05:01

-Why, cos you make more than he does?

-No, it's no fun to talk about money when you don't have any.

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Whoa! It itches! It itches! Get it off!

0:05:050:05:08

Fun when you did it, not so fun now!

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So anyway, he agreed.

0:05:120:05:14

He finally agreed to let you set up a college fund for the girls.

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If I believed in crying at work, I would be tearing up. I'm thrilled!

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Yes, but instead of a college fund, can we make it an education fund?

0:05:220:05:25

-I really want to get Fiona into private school...

-Yes, yes! Whoo!

0:05:250:05:27

-Wait, my back, my back!

-Oh, my God, sorry sorry sorry!

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Stab wound, upper abdomen, he's losing a lot of blood.

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I'm really happy about this, Jacks.

0:05:340:05:36

Kind of slow there, Jackie. Where's the hustle?

0:05:390:05:42

Prepare to die.

0:05:420:05:44

That guy in three peed all over my shoes.

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-That sucks.

-It's fine.

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I'm riding a pink cloud.

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-Oh.

-It's an AA thing. It means I'm in a good mood.

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Oh. I swear if Hostess made a pink cloud, I'd eat it.

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I wish they had better snacks here.

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The whole place is sub par.

0:06:030:06:04

I launch a killer campaign to bring in better patients,

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and no-one around here knows how to take it to the next level.

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You're good.

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I'm like a shark, man. If I'm not moving, I'm dying.

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30s, head trauma, picked him up at the Carlton Hotel.

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Looks like it could be DV.

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What's a DV? Is that serious?

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Domestic violence, is that true?

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Well, yeah, I guess. I hit him, but only after he hit me.

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Oh, come on, Suzy, you beat me on the head with a jar of cashews.

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-Oh, expensive.

-Tell me about it. And she kicked me.

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-You want to tell them everything? Go ahead.

-Look, I'm done with this.

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Why don't you go call your mother and complain about me some more?

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-Oh, fuck you.

-OK. All right. Calm down.

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-He deserves it. You deserve it!

-Hey!

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Back off!

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You're all right. You're OK.

0:06:470:06:49

OK. Don't worry, honey.

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With a little extra pressure here, we'll get it to stop.

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Can I get a hand in here, please? Zoey?

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Thor?

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-Sam? Anybody?

-Is there a problem?

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Yes, I got a pumper here. Can you jump in, please?

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Yes. Thank you.

0:07:050:07:07

No-one met us at the bay. This guy needs an EKG. 220/100, chest pains, but no history of MI.

0:07:130:07:19

-Oh, Jesus.

-Good?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go. Go.

0:07:190:07:22

-Let's get him on the bed!

-OK, I need you to be still.

0:07:220:07:25

OK, I'll get you something for the pain.

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Gloria, I'll keep an eye on your EKG, OK? You get me four morphine.

0:07:280:07:33

Gotta go find out where these other fuckers are.

0:07:330:07:36

-What IS this?

-Broken. Again.

0:07:410:07:43

All right, everyone, listen very carefully, because I'm only gonna say this once.

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This machine is a piece of shit.

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I think I'll say it again.

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This machine is a piece of shit!

0:07:590:08:03

What do you need?

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Look, I'm fine. It's just a little headache.

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Let me get out of here.

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Indulge me. Follow my finger.

0:08:350:08:38

Can you smile for me?

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-Clench your teeth.

-That's easy for him to do. He's from Connecticut.

0:08:450:08:49

-Well, the money never seemed to bother you, did it?

-Money's not the problem, Timothy.

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Can I speak to you outside for a minute?

0:08:520:08:54

Um, look, he's got a pretty serious head gash, and, clearly, the two of you have some issues.

0:08:570:09:01

You don't know the half of it. I need a diet Coke.

0:09:010:09:05

Thor, can you give Suzy a tour of the vending machines, please?

0:09:050:09:08

You betcha. They're beautiful this time of year.

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The Skittles are in bloom.

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So what happened?

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I told her we couldn't go away every weekend.

0:09:150:09:18

She threw a jar of nuts at my head, and before she could throw the whole minibar, I shoved her back.

0:09:180:09:23

-Dude, you can't hit a woman.

-Well, I had to defend myself.

0:09:230:09:26

There is no excuse for hitting a woman, ever.

0:09:260:09:29

Well, it's not like I make a habit of this, but she pushed me too far.

0:09:290:09:33

Jackie?

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Uh, no, I don't think men should hit women, but if someone bashes you

0:09:340:09:38

in the head without provocation, you have the right to defend yourself.

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No, you don't - not if you're a guy, and the hitter is a woman.

0:09:410:09:44

-Well, I disagree.

-Yeah, me too.

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So you're advocating violence against women?

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No, of course not. I'm just saying it's a two-way street.

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I can't believe I'm standing here listening to this insanity.

0:09:510:09:53

You're a little touchy. What's up? The modelling career petering out?

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You're all fucking nuts.

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He'll be right back.

0:10:030:10:04

Hi, Dr Bowen.

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Yes, thanks for getting back to me.

0:10:050:10:07

Yeah, I'm sorry about the voicemails.

0:10:070:10:10

Uh, I'm just a little perplexed about why you can't tell me what's going on with the therapy sessions with Grace.

0:10:100:10:17

I mean, I know it's her time, but I really do need to know what's going on.

0:10:170:10:20

Can you tell her that maybe she can share some of what she talks about?

0:10:220:10:27

OK. Great.

0:10:290:10:31

All right, that's something. Thanks.

0:10:310:10:33

Bye.

0:10:330:10:35

-Hey, guys. What's going on?

-I got knocked out of the bike lane by this tiny-ass woman in a big-butt SUV.

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Yeah, it totally wasn't his fault, and she didn't stop. She was on her cellphone, an LG280.

0:10:410:10:46

-That's like six years old. I was like, I can't believe these still exist.

-I have an insurance card.

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I'm a full-time student. You so don't have to call my parents.

0:10:490:10:52

-Where did you get hit?

-Well, I got clipped in the leg, and when I fell,

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I heard this crack, and it pretty much felt like my hip was on fire.

0:10:560:10:59

Uh, Zoey, can I get a wheelchair?

0:10:590:11:01

Dude, do you want me to go back to the dorm, get your anthro paper, bring it in when I turn in mine?

0:11:010:11:05

-Yeah, could you just spellcheck it one more time?

-OK.

-You're in good hands.

0:11:050:11:08

OK, so should I go? I mean, I could go and then come back.

0:11:080:11:11

He'll be with me. He'll be fine. Aw.

0:11:110:11:13

-So, the Pill-O-Matix is a piece of shit?

-I'd forgotten. When you're a nurse, if you say something

0:11:220:11:27

in one part of the hospital, it will always trickle back to the station. Yeah, it's a piece of shit.

0:11:270:11:31

So get rid of it. Get a new one.

0:11:310:11:33

The patient in three is screaming for pain meds. Can somebody do that?

0:11:330:11:36

Yes, when somebody asks nicely.

0:11:360:11:38

You'll be happy to know I'm gonna begin interviewing for a pharmacist.

0:11:380:11:41

I've already put in a call to Eddie Walzer.

0:11:410:11:44

Awesome! Seriously, there's not a doctor here that's not gonna be psyched to have him back.

0:11:440:11:48

You want to bring Eddie back to the pharmacy?

0:11:480:11:50

Am I wrong or wasn't this a budgetary issue?

0:11:500:11:52

Between paying for the machine, the repairs and the security I had

0:11:520:11:55

to hire to guard the goddamn thing, it was more expensive.

0:11:550:11:59

That doesn't mean that Eddie Walzer's the solution.

0:11:590:12:01

-I mean, I'm sure there's lots of great candidates out there.

-Isn't she great? She's so loyal.

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Out of sight, out of mind - just like the guy in three who needs pain meds now.

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Look, nurse to nurse, this is not about the doctors.

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This decision directly affects the nurses.

0:12:150:12:17

Eddie kinda lost it in when the Pill-O-Matix came. It's not that he wasn't good at his job, but...

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All right, I hear you.

0:12:210:12:23

Hey, I don't want to interrupt your flow, but I kind of have something important to do today.

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Are you asking for time off? Today? Right now? This day?!

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Reconsider!

0:12:320:12:34

It's been so great having you on the floor.

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It's like when the President goes to visit a factory for a day and he's all in there with the people.

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Like you have been with us.

0:12:490:12:51

You want some? Thor says they're in bloom.

0:12:510:12:55

Everyone there is just out for themselves.

0:13:030:13:05

I was trying to give something back, you know?

0:13:050:13:07

There was so much promise in the face of All Saints.

0:13:070:13:10

-Now it's just gone to shit.

-Mmm.

0:13:100:13:13

That's a tough break, Coop.

0:13:130:13:14

Yeah. I already feel better talking to you about it.

0:13:140:13:18

Hey, on the bright side, Akalitus might want to bring you back.

0:13:190:13:23

-No kidding?

-Yeah. I think your biggest roadblock's gonna be Jackie.

0:13:230:13:27

She thinks things are fine the way they are.

0:13:270:13:29

-Yeah, well, it's a good thing Jackie doesn't call all the shots, right?

-No shit.

0:13:310:13:35

You know what we need? A guys' night out. Hmm?

0:13:370:13:41

Toss a few back, play some darts. You free tonight?

0:13:410:13:44

-Actually, I already have plans with your pal, Georgia.

-Ugh.

0:13:440:13:48

-I introduced the two of you - how's that for the ultimate irony?

-What?

0:13:480:13:52

Well, I want to hang out with you, but you're busy because of me.

0:13:520:13:55

It's ironic.

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I'll take your word for it.

0:13:580:14:01

No, no, it's ironic. Trust me.

0:14:010:14:04

-Would you like some milk duds with your sugarfree gum?

-No, thanks.

0:14:070:14:11

It's a big day.

0:14:110:14:13

I'm celebrating.

0:14:130:14:16

-Six months sober today.

-Wow, congratulations.

0:14:160:14:19

-That's a big deal. Right?

-Yeah.

0:14:190:14:22

So I was wondering if I could skip out for, like, an hour.

0:14:220:14:24

I'm working a double and I was hoping to pick up my chip on the actual day.

0:14:240:14:29

-My sponsor's gonna be there.

-Fine. Go.

0:14:290:14:31

I, uh, you know, I respect what you're doing.

0:14:310:14:33

Thanks.

0:14:330:14:34

Ooh, Jacks, good.

0:14:390:14:40

-How do you want to do this?

-Do what? I'm just looking for a quiet place to sit down.

0:14:420:14:46

The money... I can either pay the school directly or would you prefer it if I just send you a cheque?

0:14:460:14:52

I don't know. Would that be weird, me just getting a big cheque?

0:14:520:14:54

It's not a sweepstakes.

0:14:540:14:57

It's a normal-size cheque for an amount that won't make me think twice.

0:14:570:15:00

Have you eaten?

0:15:030:15:05

Coffee, banana, Vicodin.

0:15:070:15:08

Breakfast of champions.

0:15:080:15:11

Meanwhile, please step away from the gurney transfers and the heavy lifting.

0:15:110:15:17

You have Thor. He's a giant.

0:15:170:15:19

Use him.

0:15:190:15:21

And for the love of all that's good and holy, get an MRI.

0:15:210:15:25

I almost don't want to see the damage.

0:15:250:15:27

Closer to godmother by the second.

0:15:340:15:36

-OK, you know what? We can't exactly rechristen the girls. Not that you wouldn't be great at it.

-I know.

0:15:360:15:40

I know. But if you and Kevin die in a fiery plane crash, they will be mine.

0:15:400:15:45

-We don't get away very much.

-So let me pay for a trip!

0:15:450:15:50

I feel so much better.

0:15:510:15:53

Pain meds. Sort of like four Captain Morgans and OJ.

0:15:530:15:58

I'm not gonna throw up, though, am I?

0:15:580:16:00

-Highly unlikely.

-Hello!

0:16:000:16:02

All right - bad news, I'm afraid.

0:16:020:16:03

You've got a hairline fracture in your hip.

0:16:030:16:06

Ortho will be down for a consult, but basically it will be about eight to 12 weeks before you're healed.

0:16:060:16:11

-That's a whole semester.

-Yeah, you should really talk to your parents.

0:16:110:16:14

Um, do you think you could call them?

0:16:140:16:16

They'd feel better hearing it from someone older than me.

0:16:160:16:20

Not by that much.

0:16:200:16:21

I have to leave school if I can't get around.

0:16:270:16:29

-Do you have an iPhone?

-Yeah.

-Let me have it.

0:16:300:16:34

-Why?

-Give it.

0:16:370:16:39

-Look sadder.

-No, just stop. Please.

-Just do it.

0:16:430:16:47

Perfect.

0:16:520:16:53

Uh, e-mail that to five girls you know and write, "Just mowed down by big rig. Truckers are dicks.

0:16:530:17:01

"At All Saints right now. What are you guys doing?"

0:17:010:17:04

And then what?

0:17:040:17:06

Then wait.

0:17:060:17:08

OK. So we are almost caught up.

0:17:140:17:16

Thank you, Gloria, very much.

0:17:160:17:19

It was my pleasure.

0:17:190:17:22

It's like riding a bike, you never forget.

0:17:220:17:24

Would you mind sticking around for a little bit longer? Sam has been MIA for over an hour.

0:17:240:17:28

I don't know where he goes. This is not the first time this has happened.

0:17:280:17:32

I told that shit not to go anywhere.

0:17:330:17:36

Well...

0:17:360:17:37

Son of a bitch.

0:17:400:17:43

-Dr Cooper said you refused a cat scan.

-I just want to get out of here.

0:17:430:17:46

I am required to inform you you'll be leaving against medical advice.

0:17:460:17:48

That being said, you need to keep the stitches dry...

0:17:480:17:50

Tim! What happened to you?

0:17:500:17:52

I just got a call from the insurance company. They're denying coverage because you didn't pay the premium?

0:17:520:17:56

Why don't you let me pay the bills?

0:17:560:18:00

Who are you? Who is she?

0:18:000:18:02

-Oh, God. Can I get a handover here, please?

-Oh! Easy, bro.

0:18:100:18:13

Get him in the sled. I'm right behind you. Go.

0:18:130:18:16

He vomited blood and passed out.

0:18:210:18:24

-Oh, wow. She really did kick him.

-According to you, he probably deserved it.

-Excuse me?

0:18:250:18:30

-Yeah, let's all hit each other. Kumbaya.

-Hey, guys. Dr Cooper.

-Watch the attitude.

-MY attitude?

0:18:300:18:35

You're telling everybody to beat the crap out of each other,

0:18:350:18:36

to defend themselves, and now look what happened.

0:18:360:18:38

Dr Cooper, I did not kick this man.

0:18:380:18:40

Well, you might as well have, because you're a domestic violence advocate.

0:18:400:18:42

-And you're abusive to nurses.

-Uh, his BP is dropping. I think we need to intubate.

0:18:420:18:46

If I said half the shit that I wanted to, you'd be reduced to tears on a daily basis. I hold back!

0:18:460:18:49

You're lucky that I have this much restraint!

0:18:490:18:52

Dr Cooper, pay attention! You need to pay attention!

0:18:520:18:55

Ah!

0:18:550:18:56

-Aw, shit.

-Dude! Dude! What the hell?

0:18:560:18:59

Guys! Guys! Enough!

0:19:020:19:05

-He hit me!

-Lenny, that thing, it's a tic.

0:19:050:19:07

-It's Tourette's. He can't help it.

-It's a tic?

-Yes.

-Oh, man. Oh, man.

0:19:070:19:13

-I'm so sorry.

-Dr Cooper, get over here and intubate your fucking patient.

0:19:130:19:16

Dude, it was a reflex, and I didn't know you had the tic thing.

0:19:160:19:18

Find O'Hara. Go.

0:19:180:19:21

Call respiratory.

0:19:260:19:27

Fabulous! Who hit who first?

0:19:290:19:31

Well, Dr Cooper swung first, but Lenny connected first.

0:19:310:19:35

I think it's romantic. He was defending your honour.

0:19:350:19:38

I don't need defending.

0:19:380:19:41

Oh, everyone needs defending.

0:19:410:19:43

Well, hello! And who are all of you?

0:19:440:19:47

Oh, this is Bethany and Tomisson and Jane. Uh, they all offered to help me till my hip heals.

0:19:470:19:54

-So I don't have to go home now.

-Yeah, we're all over it. We organised shifts for this week.

0:19:540:19:58

Oh, how nice.

0:19:580:19:59

-Thanks again for everything.

-Ah!

0:19:590:20:02

Now, get out of here, you crazy kids!

0:20:020:20:04

That's not gonna end well.

0:20:080:20:11

One of the great things about having four sisters was I always had my own room.

0:20:110:20:14

Oh, I bet they hated you.

0:20:140:20:17

Yeah, I think they still do a little.

0:20:170:20:19

Well, I think guys who are raised around a lot of women grow up to be more trustworthy.

0:20:190:20:24

They learn the big lessons early.

0:20:240:20:27

Well, I have certainly learned a lot of lessons from women.

0:20:270:20:30

Hmm.

0:20:300:20:32

MOBILE BEEPS

0:20:330:20:34

Mmm. It's Coop.

0:20:360:20:37

Oh, shit.

0:20:370:20:39

He's in...he's in the ER.

0:20:390:20:41

-He's always in the ER.

-No, he says he's a patient in the ER.

-Oh. Well, it's about time.

0:20:410:20:46

-I'm out, buddy.

-No, no, it's on me.

0:20:500:20:53

OK. All right. Gracias.

0:20:530:20:54

You disappeared for two hours after I specifically told you not to.

0:20:570:21:01

-That's insubordination.

-Well, Jackie said it was OK, I just...

0:21:010:21:03

I don't want to hear it. I don't care.

0:21:030:21:06

I'm putting you on probation.

0:21:060:21:07

Mrs A? I...never come in here.

0:21:150:21:19

I just wanted to say it was...

0:21:200:21:23

fun to have you on the floor today.

0:21:230:21:26

OK.

0:21:260:21:28

Well, thank you. I miss it being with patients.

0:21:280:21:31

And I quite enjoyed your pithy remarks.

0:21:330:21:36

I try.

0:21:360:21:38

Well, bye-bye.

0:21:440:21:46

I need to speak to the wife.

0:21:480:21:51

-Yes.

-Your husband is stabilised. He had some internal bleeding, but we were able to catch it in time.

0:21:510:21:54

-So someone will take you to see him in just a few minutes.

-I can see him?

0:21:540:21:58

No, you can't fucking see him. You've done enough damage.

0:21:580:22:00

-He loves me.

-Oh, please.

-I'm going.

0:22:000:22:03

-I'm going.

-OK, both of you sit down.

0:22:030:22:06

What am I supposed to do here - share my peanut butter crackers with her(?)

0:22:100:22:12

No. What has to happen, because when...

0:22:120:22:16

When he first came in...

0:22:160:22:18

Ordinarily, the wife... the husband...

0:22:180:22:20

This woman is your husband's...

0:22:200:22:24

This woman is your husb... All right.

0:22:240:22:29

I know nothing about this sort of thing.

0:22:290:22:32

Jackie Peyton, as I live and breathe.

0:22:370:22:40

-Hi. Hi. Hello.

-Georgia. Hi.

0:22:400:22:41

-We met at your...

-No, I remember. Yeah.

0:22:410:22:45

-Do you know where Coop is?

-Oh, yeah...trauma, down the hall.

0:22:450:22:49

OK. What kind of doctor gets his nose broken?

0:22:490:22:51

-You're not gonna go visit your buddy, Coop?

-Hey, I didn't break his nose. I'm just here with his friend.

0:22:550:23:00

Got me in your orbit, baby. Ain't nothing you can do about it.

0:23:040:23:07

Are you talking about the pharmacy, because I don't care one way or the other. You can do what you want.

0:23:070:23:12

I'm gonna.

0:23:120:23:14

Why, Eddie? Why the fuck would you want to come back?

0:23:140:23:17

Go, be with your girlfriend.

0:23:190:23:21

She's not my girlfriend.

0:23:210:23:23

You know who my girlfriend is.

0:23:270:23:29

-Nice.

-It's gonna be straighter than before.

0:23:440:23:47

What?

0:23:470:23:49

Thanks.

0:23:560:23:59

You know I'm fine.

0:23:590:24:01

You don't need to stay here.

0:24:010:24:03

It's the least I can do.

0:24:030:24:05

You defended my honour.

0:24:050:24:08

Would you mind if I suggested something to watch?

0:24:080:24:11

It will not be sports.

0:24:110:24:13

It's all yours.

0:24:130:24:14

Grace, open the door!

0:24:400:24:43

Open the door!

0:24:430:24:45

I've got it. I've got it.

0:24:450:24:47

Grace, honey, you cannot lock yourself in the bathroom.

0:24:500:24:54

-This is none of your business! It's none of your business!

-What, honey? What is none of our business?

0:24:540:25:00

Honey...

0:25:000:25:02

Oh, my God.

0:25:020:25:05

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Sweetie.

0:25:050:25:10

Can I go to my room, please?

0:25:160:25:17

Honey, you have to talk to me.

0:25:170:25:20

I'm right here.

0:25:200:25:22

We cannot have secrets in this house.

0:25:220:25:26

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