Browse content similar to Woman of the Year. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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-We were here first. -But we're scheduled for this time. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
OK, this is no way for adults to act in front of children. | 0:00:04 | 0:00:06 | |
You're not only coaches, you're also role models. | 0:00:06 | 0:00:08 | |
I would hardly call what he does coaching. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:11 | |
Wow. Excellent role modelling. | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
Apparently, the girls' team does not have a field | 0:00:17 | 0:00:19 | |
assigned to them for practice, but the boys' team does. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
No. Not on my watch. Every child has the right to play, no matter how boring the sport. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:27 | |
OK. Could you just share the field with the girls today, please? | 0:00:27 | 0:00:31 | |
I'm the girls' coach. She's the boys' coach. | 0:00:31 | 0:00:33 | |
-Oh. OK. Sorry. -That's sexist. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
-No, it's not. -Yeah. It kind of is. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:37 | |
OK, why don't the boys take the field today. | 0:00:37 | 0:00:39 | |
And then I will make sure that the girls get | 0:00:39 | 0:00:41 | |
a place to practice by the end of the week. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:44 | |
And that, little lady, is a Leslie Knope promise! | 0:00:44 | 0:00:47 | |
-I'm a boy. -Good. Yeah. Cos I wasn't talking to you. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:49 | |
-I was talking to you. You're a girl, right? -Yeah. -Yeah. She. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:53 | |
Mail's here. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
Oh! Hey! | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
Jerry! You got soup all over our mail! You jerk. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:21 | |
Oh, my God. It's an envelope from the IOW Awards Office! | 0:01:21 | 0:01:24 | |
Nobody freak out! | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
Do you know what this means? | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
I am Pawnee's Woman of the Year! | 0:01:28 | 0:01:31 | |
The IOW is the Indiana Organisation of Women. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:33 | |
I have been a dues-paying member since I was nine. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
And every year, they choose one woman | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
to win the Dorothy Everton Smythe Female Empowerment Award. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
Winning is every girl's dream. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
But it's my destiny. And my dream. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
Can you read it, please? Where are my ladies at? | 0:01:46 | 0:01:50 | |
Here we go. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:51 | |
"The IOW is proud to announce this year's Dorothy Everton Smythe | 0:01:52 | 0:01:56 | |
"Female Empowerment Award Winner, Ronald Swanson." | 0:01:56 | 0:02:00 | |
Ha-ha. OK, pretty funny. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:01 | |
-It says Ronald Swanson. -What? No, no. No, it doesn't. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
I... That... No. That... What? | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
They only honour women. And Ron's the opposite of a woman. | 0:02:07 | 0:02:10 | |
What's going on? | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
You're Pawnee's Woman Of The Year, it looks like. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
-Well, it's about time. -No, no, no. -OTHERS LAUGH | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
They've obviously made some sort of mistake. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
-Bully for me! -Congratulations, Ron. -Yeah, congratulations. -Congrats. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:25 | |
-That's awesome. -It's very exciting. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
Awards are stupid, | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
which is why I fully intend to decline this nonsense, | 0:02:29 | 0:02:32 | |
and recommend it go to Leslie because she works really hard, and I don't. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:36 | |
However, she cares way too much about crap like this, | 0:02:38 | 0:02:42 | |
which is why I can't pass up this opportunity to tease her about it. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:46 | |
Well, we can't stand around all day congratulating me | 0:02:47 | 0:02:50 | |
on receiving an award from some lousy women's organisation. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
Back to work, everyone. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
Hey, Freddy. Good news! Your liquor licence renewal got got, yo. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:08 | |
What do you mean by that? | 0:03:08 | 0:03:09 | |
Oh, I got you temporary approval from the liquor board | 0:03:09 | 0:03:12 | |
pending full-board authorisation and council review. Got got. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:16 | |
Thank you. Thank you so much. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:17 | |
No worries. You know the Snakehole's my favourite Pawnee hot spot. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:20 | |
I want to open up my own club one day. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
Maybe call it something like Club-a-Dub-Dub | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
or The Clubmarine, sort of a submarine-themed club. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:28 | |
-Or Tom's Bistro. The word "bistro" is classy as -BLEEP. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:33 | |
Tom, we are looking for a few top-quality guys like yourself | 0:03:33 | 0:03:37 | |
to become part-owners. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
A guy like you, with your political connections, | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
I think you'd make a great asset. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:43 | |
I agree. That's why I got into public service. To help me. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
All right. 10,000 a share. I need the money by Friday. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:50 | |
10,000. That's chump change. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:52 | |
I will see you Friday with 10,000. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:57 | |
All right, partner. | 0:03:57 | 0:03:58 | |
I just don't get why the IOW would give that award to Ron. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
-Yeah, it's a bummer. -One, he's not a woman. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:06 | |
And two, they mentioned the Camp Athena project in that letter. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:10 | |
That's my project. I started that. It was my brainchild. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
Why would Ron start a camp for troubled girls? | 0:04:12 | 0:04:15 | |
-He wouldn't? -Exactly. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
I deserve that award. That award is mine. Not his. It's mine. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:20 | |
-You know what you should do? -I know, I already started a list. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
"Write an e-mail to Barack Obama. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
"Lock myself in my office and scream until I lose my voice." | 0:04:24 | 0:04:27 | |
That's all I have so far. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:28 | |
I was going to suggest maybe you just go and talk to him. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:30 | |
You're only going to get more resentful if you don't. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:33 | |
-Hmm. -PHONE RINGS | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
Hey, Ann. How... | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
Ann. I have so much I need to tell you right now. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:40 | |
Hey, Ann. Leslie would like to talk to you for a moment. Is that all right? Good. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
Jean-Ralphio. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:46 | |
Big T! What it do, nephew? | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
Jean-Ralphio, I have a hot investment opportunity | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
that you are going to want to jump all over. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
-Hit me with it, Daddy. -The Snakehole Lounge... -Heard of it. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
-..is looking for investors. -No way. Yesterday, if you would have asked me, | 0:04:59 | 0:05:03 | |
I would've said no, but thank God, my grandfather just died, so I am | 0:05:03 | 0:05:06 | |
-HE SINGS: -# A-flush with cash! # | 0:05:06 | 0:05:10 | |
Awesome. I have 4,000 bucks. All I need you to do is kick in six Gs. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:14 | |
-Six Gs. -And then you and I are part-owners of the hottest nightclub in Pawnee. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:18 | |
Also, sorry about your grandpa. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
No worries. He was a dick. Here's the thing. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:22 | |
I can kick in five Gs. That should be enough, right? | 0:05:22 | 0:05:24 | |
No, it's not enough. I just said I need six G's. What about your trust fund? | 0:05:24 | 0:05:28 | |
My parents had it amended. I don't get anything until I'm 50, which is a waste, | 0:05:28 | 0:05:31 | |
cos I'm going to be a billionaire in Costa Rica by then, | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
eating dolphins and hanging out with lady singers. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
It's not a huge deal. Just sit tight. I'll take care of it. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
You want to come home with me? | 0:05:39 | 0:05:40 | |
Don't you work at Lady Foot Locker? | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
Look, if you're not going to pay rent, at least clean up your dishes. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
HE GROANS | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
-Is that all? -No. Also, The Bag of Smells was a fun experiment, but it has to stop. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:53 | |
Come on! No. We're finally starting to get serious results. | 0:05:53 | 0:05:57 | |
Andy, dude, I love you, but shape up or move out. | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
What's going on? | 0:06:03 | 0:06:04 | |
The guitarist from my band is driving me crazy. He's such a control freak. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:07 | |
"That's not a working fireplace, Andy." | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
"Stop writing phone messages on the wall, Andy." | 0:06:09 | 0:06:12 | |
"Dude, seriously, I love you but stop digging that weird hole in the backyard." | 0:06:12 | 0:06:15 | |
Is Mouse Rat going to break up? | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
Well, we're not Mouse Rat anymore. We changed it to Tackleshaft. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:20 | |
Oh. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:21 | |
-I should just get my own place. -You should. I'll help you. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:25 | |
-You can help me? -Yeah, that'd be fun. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
April, you're like an angel with no wings. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:30 | |
So, like, a person? | 0:06:30 | 0:06:31 | |
Hey. What's in the envelope? | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
Nothing. You wanted to see me? | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
I think the Pawnee Chapter of the IOW has made a little mistake. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:44 | |
Really? You're saying a women's organisation made a mistake? | 0:06:44 | 0:06:48 | |
I was as surprised as you were. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
But the fact is, they only give that award to women. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:53 | |
Hmm. Well, it definitely said Ron Swanson in the letter. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
-Yeah, but it also mentioned my camp project. -Yes. Camp Xena. | 0:06:56 | 0:07:00 | |
Athena. Camp Athena. You don't even know the name. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:03 | |
-I almost got it. I was pretty close. -No. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
Look, Leslie, your job, which you're great at, is making me look good. | 0:07:05 | 0:07:09 | |
Which you've clearly done well | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
because I'm getting an award. Right? | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
-Yeah. -Be proud of yourself. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
You deserve an award. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:19 | |
Not this one, obviously, this one belongs to me, | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
but some other one. Some other lesser award. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:26 | |
And if the shoe were on the other foot and you won the award, I would've congratulated you. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:30 | |
-QUIETLY: -Congratulations, Ron. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
-What's that? -You heard me. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:35 | |
You promised the girls a field by the end of this week. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
Well, it's a man's world, Winston. Get used to it. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
I'm a man. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:44 | |
You know who you should talk to? Ron Swanson. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
He's an award-winning public servant. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
He's the guy that's going to help you out. Go on in there. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:54 | |
Excuse me? Ron, someone's coming in. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:57 | |
Hi. Leslie said I should come over here. | 0:07:57 | 0:08:00 | |
If you don't get credit for your work, why bother doing it? | 0:08:00 | 0:08:03 | |
Because I love it! | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
But I'm going to make a point! | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
'This VIP card gives you exclusive access | 0:08:09 | 0:08:12 | |
'to the investment opportunity of a lifetime. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:15 | |
'Where? Multipurpose Room F. When? 3pm | 0:08:15 | 0:08:19 | |
Dress code? Black tie optional. Just like life. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
-Hey, you wanted to see me? -Yes, yes. Just hang on one second. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:29 | |
I'm doing my official portrait for the IUD Awards Dinner Programme. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:33 | |
IOW. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:34 | |
No, this portrait is not official in any way. I'm paying for it myself. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:39 | |
Did you need me? | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
Because some of us actually do work around here. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
Work that often goes unrewarded. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:47 | |
I need your opinion. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
Which of these objects most represents women for this portrait? | 0:08:49 | 0:08:53 | |
A pot? | 0:08:53 | 0:08:54 | |
Or this Deputy Director Barbie? | 0:08:56 | 0:08:58 | |
Isn't it adorable? She's got a little briefcase, her cell phone. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
"I'm going to help my boss win an award." | 0:09:03 | 0:09:06 | |
How's the scheduling conflict with the soccer teams going? Take care of that, did you? | 0:09:06 | 0:09:11 | |
Nope. Passed the buck to Donna. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:12 | |
That's not really the attitude I'd expect from an award winner. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
Everything I do is the attitude of an award winner | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
because I've won an award. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
So, what kind of place are you looking for? | 0:09:21 | 0:09:24 | |
I can afford, like, 300 bucks a month. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
I've always wanted a doorman named Ernie. That'd be awesome. Or Kipp. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
I'm pretty flexible on that. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:31 | |
Here's a great one. It's a Tudor mansion. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:33 | |
It's got seven rooms, four bathrooms. It's got a tennis court, | 0:09:33 | 0:09:37 | |
-a pool and a three-car garage. -What? | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
And it's only 20,000 a month. And it's in Chicago. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:44 | |
Ah! That close! It was almost perfect. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
Actually, there are a couple of cool places in here. | 0:09:47 | 0:09:50 | |
-Let's go look at them! -Now? -Let's roll. -OK. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:52 | |
Thank you all so much for joining me today. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:03 | |
I have two questions for you. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:05 | |
One, are you ready for the investment opportunity of a lifetime? | 0:10:05 | 0:10:08 | |
And two, do any of you have pacemakers or a history of epilepsy? | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
-Yes, both. -Anybody? No? | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
-Both! -All right. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
FAST ELECTRONIC MUSIC | 0:10:15 | 0:10:19 | |
Ladies! | 0:10:19 | 0:10:20 | |
Jay-Z. Rihanna. Audrina Patridge. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:27 | |
Jon Gosselin. Lady Gaga. Snooki. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:31 | |
Are these real people? | 0:10:31 | 0:10:32 | |
Cash Warren and Dennis Rodman. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
These are just a few of the celebrities that wish they could invest | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
in Pawnee's hottest club. But they CAAAAAN'T! | 0:10:37 | 0:10:42 | |
And you can. For the small price of only one, one, one, | 0:10:42 | 0:10:45 | |
thousand, thousand, thousand dollars, dollars, dollars! | 0:10:45 | 0:10:48 | |
The only question is, who's going to be my partner? | 0:10:48 | 0:10:52 | |
Mark, I'm talking to you! Donna, I'm talking to you! | 0:10:52 | 0:10:55 | |
Jerry! I'm talking to you! Mark! I'm talking to you! | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
26 certificates, plaques, ribbons, trophies, medals and miscellany | 0:11:00 | 0:11:05 | |
certifying that I am the kind of person | 0:11:05 | 0:11:06 | |
who deserves recognition for her achievements. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:09 | |
What do you have, Ron? | 0:11:09 | 0:11:10 | |
I have the Dorothy Every Time Smurf Girl Trophy | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
for excellence in female stuff. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
Dorothy Everton Smythe. I swear to God, I would... | 0:11:15 | 0:11:17 | |
Leslie. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
Before you continue, please read this. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:22 | |
Another organisation giving you credit for something you didn't do? | 0:11:22 | 0:11:26 | |
"I, Ron Swanson, recognise that | 0:11:28 | 0:11:31 | |
"Leslie Knope should have received the IOW Award | 0:11:31 | 0:11:34 | |
"for all the hard work she has done, | 0:11:34 | 0:11:36 | |
"especially for the Camp Athena project. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
"However, in my opinion, | 0:11:38 | 0:11:40 | |
"she is far too concerned with institutional gratification." | 0:11:40 | 0:11:44 | |
No, I'm not. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:45 | |
"So, I am going to let her dangle | 0:11:45 | 0:11:48 | |
"in order to show her that awards are bull crap." | 0:11:48 | 0:11:53 | |
Come on, Leslie, you know I'm not sexist. I love powerful women. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
You do attend a shocking number of WNBA games. | 0:11:56 | 0:11:59 | |
I'm just saying that awards are political, and everybody has an agenda. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:04 | |
If you spend your life chasing them, you'll drive yourself nuts. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:07 | |
Yeah, all right. But Dorothy Everton Smythe was a trailblazing feminist. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:11 | |
She was the first woman in Pawnee to wear pants on a Sunday. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:14 | |
She spent four years in jail for that. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
I know I'm not supposed to care about these things, | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
but this one means a lot. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:20 | |
-HE SINGS: -# I know you've been changing. # | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
The acoustics in the bathroom are insane. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
So, how much is this one again? | 0:12:28 | 0:12:31 | |
This one is 425 a month, plus utilities. | 0:12:31 | 0:12:34 | |
I like it. It seems to have a lot of potential | 0:12:34 | 0:12:38 | |
and a lot of advantages, per se. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:43 | |
I could definitely picture myself doing something over there. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:46 | |
Can you hear that? | 0:12:48 | 0:12:51 | |
-What is that? -It's still on. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:52 | |
You can light a match to get rid of that smell. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
-I feel really good about this. -Really? -It screams Andy Dwyer. | 0:12:55 | 0:13:00 | |
And I live nearby. So, we could, like, carpool to work or something. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:03 | |
-Are you serious? -Yeah. The scream just got louder. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
-So, what do you think? -I don't know. Make me an offer. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:09 | |
OK. First come, first served. Who's in? Jerry? | 0:13:11 | 0:13:15 | |
Jeez, Tom, if I spend any more than 25 bucks, I got to ask my wife. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:19 | |
-Jerry, get out. -OK. | 0:13:19 | 0:13:21 | |
"Mark? What are we doing tonight?" | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
"I don't know, Ann. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:25 | |
"We could do the usual boring stuff like eat some chicken salad | 0:13:25 | 0:13:28 | |
"with some crackers, or watch the pay-per-view, | 0:13:28 | 0:13:31 | |
"or we could go to my nightclub and do some dancing." | 0:13:31 | 0:13:36 | |
I don't think so, man. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:37 | |
You'd never have to beg for sex again. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
I don't want to get into this, really, but I don't beg for sex now. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:43 | |
Forget about that, Mark. Are you in or out? | 0:13:43 | 0:13:46 | |
-It's just not really my thing. -Bye, Mark. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
-Cindi. -Donna? | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
Maybe. I like The Snakehole. Plus, I would look good | 0:13:53 | 0:13:56 | |
pulling into my owner's parking space in my Mercedes. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:59 | |
Just to be clear, you wouldn't be an owner, per se. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:02 | |
You, me and my boy, Jean-Ralphio, would each own part of a share. | 0:14:02 | 0:14:05 | |
Will that be cash or check? | 0:14:05 | 0:14:06 | |
Not so fast. I like to know who I'm in business with. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:09 | |
I want to meet your boy. | 0:14:09 | 0:14:11 | |
In here. This lady's here. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
Hi, I'm Elise Yarktin, I'm with the IOW. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:17 | |
I'm Woman of the Year, Ron Swanson. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
Yes, I know. We are very excited to be presenting you with the Smythe Award. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:23 | |
That's what I called you to talk about. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:25 | |
I don't know if I can take all of the excitement. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:28 | |
So, I think the award should go to Miss Knope, here. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:31 | |
-Hello. -She's the one who really deserves it. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:34 | |
Camp Athena was her idea. She did all the work. You made a mistake. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:38 | |
We didn't make a mistake. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:40 | |
We made a very conscious decision this year to choose a man. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:44 | |
Why? | 0:14:44 | 0:14:45 | |
Well, every year, we give it to a woman, and, frankly, nobody cares. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:48 | |
Yeah, the media has all but written us off as a niche interest group. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:53 | |
But if you give a women's award to a mustachioed, masculine man, | 0:14:53 | 0:14:58 | |
such as yourself, well, then, eventually, people take notice. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:02 | |
I don't want the damn thing. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:03 | |
Well, we're giving it to you. So, you're going to take it, like a man. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:08 | |
So, congratulations. | 0:15:09 | 0:15:11 | |
The IOW is a bunch of sexist jerks | 0:15:11 | 0:15:13 | |
who need to get back in the kitchen where they belong, | 0:15:13 | 0:15:16 | |
and leave the real feminist work to actual feminists like Ron Swanson! | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
Oh, my God! What is happening? | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
-Now do you see how silly these things are? -Unbelievable. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
Obviously, I'm just going to decline it. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:26 | |
No, I want you to accept it. I want you to go to the podium | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
and talk about how stupid awards are. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
And how they are superficial and meaningless. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:32 | |
I want you to rip awards a new A-hole! | 0:15:32 | 0:15:34 | |
Now we're talking. I tell you what. You write the speech. Don't pull your punches. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:38 | |
I won't. I'm going to push my punches as far as my fists can extend! | 0:15:38 | 0:15:42 | |
Attagirl! Kind of. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:44 | |
What up, Big T! Stop. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:47 | |
This must be the lovely Donna. Enchante. | 0:15:48 | 0:15:51 | |
Listen, beautiful, let's cut the bull, right? | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
You want this. I definitely want this. TH wants this. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:59 | |
Let's seal this devil's three-way right here, right now. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
Step one, we buy into this club. Step two, we roll over to the club, | 0:16:01 | 0:16:05 | |
either in your Mercedes Benz or my pre-owned Acura Legend. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
Step three, I dagger you on the dance floor. | 0:16:08 | 0:16:10 | |
Just bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce | 0:16:10 | 0:16:12 | |
-HE SINGS: -# Now, all the ladies say it | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
# Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. # | 0:16:14 | 0:16:16 | |
What do you say, sexy? | 0:16:16 | 0:16:17 | |
-I'm out. -Why? -I hate that guy. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:20 | |
Mr Swanson. Hi, welcome to the IOW Awards, | 0:16:24 | 0:16:27 | |
and congratulations on winning. | 0:16:27 | 0:16:29 | |
-Yay! -Well, here is your awards packet, | 0:16:30 | 0:16:33 | |
and if you will just follow me, | 0:16:33 | 0:16:35 | |
-we're going to have a little meet-and-greet before the ceremony. -OK. -Great. | 0:16:35 | 0:16:38 | |
No, I'm sorry. This area is for award winners only. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:42 | |
Get over yourself, Elise. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
Work on the speech. Let's nail these women. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:48 | |
-You know what I mean. -Yeah. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:49 | |
I don't know, Andy. What's it all about? What's the secret? | 0:16:49 | 0:16:53 | |
Yeah. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:54 | |
Why's it so hard to become a mogul? | 0:16:54 | 0:16:56 | |
All I want in life is to own a nightclub on every continent, | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
have my own line of upscale sweat suits, | 0:16:58 | 0:17:00 | |
and a cologne called Tommy Fresh. And I fell 1,000 short. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:03 | |
Seriously? That's all you needed? | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
-Tom, I have 1,000. You can have it. -Thanks, Andy, but I can't take your money. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
I'm a singer/songwriter. The two lines I've put into every song I've ever sang, | 0:17:09 | 0:17:13 | |
"Spread your wings and fly," and "You deserve to be a champion." | 0:17:13 | 0:17:17 | |
If you're telling me that all you need is 1,000 to do your dreams, | 0:17:17 | 0:17:21 | |
then I want you to have it. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:24 | |
Are you sure about this? | 0:17:24 | 0:17:27 | |
-Maybe. -You don't know how happy you just made me. -ANDY LAUGHS AWKWARDLY | 0:17:27 | 0:17:31 | |
He's the Director of the Pawnee Parks and Recreation Department. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:35 | |
He is also the recipient of this year's | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
Dorothy Everton Smythe Female Empowerment Award. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
Please put your hands together for Mr Ron Swanson. | 0:17:40 | 0:17:43 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:17:43 | 0:17:46 | |
Thank you. Thank you. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:54 | |
Every award, from the smallest trophy to the Nobel Prize, | 0:17:56 | 0:18:01 | |
is nothing more than... | 0:18:01 | 0:18:03 | |
..is nothing more than a great way to honour someone. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
So, I would like to present this year's Dottie English Whatever Award | 0:18:13 | 0:18:18 | |
to the person who actually deserves it, | 0:18:18 | 0:18:21 | |
Leslie Knope. Come on up here, Leslie. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:23 | |
HESITANT APPLAUSE | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
Thank you. I don't know what to say. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
Honestly, I'm just very honoured to work for someone | 0:18:32 | 0:18:35 | |
as insightful and kind as my boss. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:38 | |
So, I would like to present this year's Dorothy Everton Smythe Award | 0:18:38 | 0:18:44 | |
to Ron Swanson. | 0:18:44 | 0:18:45 | |
HESITANT APPLAUSE | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
-I don't want it. Just take the damn thing. -You deserve it. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:52 | |
-No, no. Really. -No, Ron, you deserve it. -Really, but I don't want it. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:54 | |
-But you won it. And you should win it. -You should take it. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:56 | |
-After that whole conversation... -I'm being ridiculous. -Could someone please just take it? | 0:18:56 | 0:18:59 | |
OK, I'll take it. Who do I speak to about getting this changed? | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
-AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Get off the stage! -Yeah! | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
I still think awards are stupid. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:07 | |
But they'd be less stupid if they went to the right people. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:11 | |
-You gave Tom all your money? -Yeah, well, I'm investing. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:19 | |
I'm like Warren Buffett | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
I kind of feel like it would have been good for you to have your own place. | 0:19:21 | 0:19:24 | |
Yeah, I know. But I feel like Tom really needed the money, | 0:19:24 | 0:19:29 | |
and small sacrifice to see one of your best friends' dreams come true. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:32 | |
-They cropped you out. -Figures. | 0:19:37 | 0:19:40 | |
-So, where are you going to put it? -I have an idea. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:44 | |
-One... -BOTH: ..two, three. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:46 | |
RON CHUCKLES | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
What's up? | 0:20:01 | 0:20:03 | |
Hey, guys. How long did you wait in line? | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
I didn't wait at all! I'm a part-owner. Freddy! I'm back. | 0:20:06 | 0:20:08 | |
Tom Haverford, part-owner. Let me know if you need anything. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:11 | |
Keep this booth warm for me every night. | 0:20:11 | 0:20:13 | |
I'm going to live in this booth. | 0:20:13 | 0:20:15 | |
Yes, sir. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:18 | |
Donna? | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
What are you doing here? | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
I bought three shares. Thanks for the tip. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:26 |