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Ann Perkins. What's happening, sweetheart? | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
Just waiting for April. She's taking care of my house while I'm away, so... | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
That's great. Happy belated Valentine's Day. | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
Valentine's Day was a month ago. Why are you giving it to me now? | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
Whatever. Happy early Valentine's Day. | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
I saw this and I thought of you. | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
Hope you keep that somewhere special. | 0:00:17 | 0:00:19 | |
OK. This is one of those nanny-cam teddy bears, isn't it? | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
What? No. It's a regular, camera-less teddy bear. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:25 | |
Just put it in your bedroom, don't even think about it. | 0:00:25 | 0:00:28 | |
It's a robot bear. It's programmed to snuggle! | 0:00:28 | 0:00:32 | |
I'll take it. | 0:00:32 | 0:00:33 | |
Donna, there's a camera in it. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
I know. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:36 | |
All right. That's basically it. Water the plants, get the mail. | 0:00:57 | 0:01:00 | |
Can I read your mail? | 0:01:00 | 0:01:01 | |
-No. Please, don't. -Fine. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:04 | |
Oh. And here are the keys, and remember... | 0:01:04 | 0:01:07 | |
I know. Don't let Tom make a copy. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:08 | |
That's right. Good. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:10 | |
'I'm paying April 50 bucks to watch my house while I'm away.' | 0:01:10 | 0:01:13 | |
I would have asked Leslie, | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
but I've seen the way she takes care of her house. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:18 | |
Plus, there's always been a little distance between me and April. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:21 | |
And I thought this would maybe, | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
I don't know, give us a chance to get a little closer. Maybe even... | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
I don't like Ann. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
..become friends. Who knows? | 0:01:28 | 0:01:31 | |
Leslie, this is Evelyn Rowshlind, from the mayor's office. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:35 | |
Oh, hello! I've always dreamed of you. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
-Excuse me? -Meeting you. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
-What can I do for you? Have a seat. -I prefer to stand. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
OK. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:42 | |
I have kind of an odd favour to ask. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
Mayor Gunderson was playing golf last week at Pawnee Municipal, | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
-and he brought his dog and... -Rufus. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:49 | |
We all know Rufus. Everybody loves Rufus. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:50 | |
He's a great dog. Continue. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
Well, they were out on the sixth hole | 0:01:52 | 0:01:54 | |
-when suddenly, out of nowhere... -Rufus was bitten by a possum? | 0:01:54 | 0:01:57 | |
Yes. How did you know that? | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
It was Fairway Frank. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:00 | |
Fairway Frank is this awful possum | 0:02:00 | 0:02:03 | |
who lives near the sixth hole of the public golf course. | 0:02:03 | 0:02:05 | |
And he's actually number three | 0:02:05 | 0:02:07 | |
on the Parks Department's Most Wanted Pest List, | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
right behind the bats, who like to poop on the bell tower, | 0:02:09 | 0:02:12 | |
and Poopy, the raccoon who poops all over the high school cafeteria. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
Shouldn't you take this up with Animal Control? | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
Let's be honest. Animal Control | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
-is not the most effective branch of our government. -They're a bunch of burned-out morons. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:23 | |
Well, you have the reputation as a person who gets things done, | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
so we'd like you to form a little task force, | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
find the animal and put it down. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
-A task force? -Needless to say, | 0:02:30 | 0:02:31 | |
the mayor will be very grateful for your help. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
Ma'am, the next time we speak, | 0:02:33 | 0:02:35 | |
we shall be dancing on the grave of a possum. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:38 | |
-Great. -Ron will show you around. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:42 | |
Right this way is the exit. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:44 | |
Yo, police! | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
No, you're not. Coffee! | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
You always know what to bring me. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
I only ever bring you coffee. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
And it is my very favourite non-alcoholic hot drink, except for hot tea. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:58 | |
And hot orange juice, weirdly delicious. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
Anyways, thank you so much. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:02 | |
I need it. I got a really bad case of shoeshine head today. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
Andy recently diagnosed himself | 0:03:04 | 0:03:07 | |
with what he calls "shoeshine head." | 0:03:07 | 0:03:10 | |
It's when you shine too many shoes | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:16 | |
Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers | 0:03:16 | 0:03:21 | |
and napping on the floor. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:24 | |
Mark Brendanawicz! | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
Hey, Ron, what's up? | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
I have a woodshop, and I'm planning a little expansion. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:32 | |
Need my buddy, Mark the city planner, to sign off on the plans. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:36 | |
Sure, I just need to schedule an inspection. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
That's not really necessary. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:40 | |
Yes, it is. But you'll be fine | 0:03:40 | 0:03:41 | |
as long as you don't have any code violations. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:43 | |
You don't have any code violations, do you? | 0:03:43 | 0:03:46 | |
Nope. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
Eugene! Boy, we have a really important job for you. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:59 | |
We'll get to it first thing Monday. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:00 | |
Today's Wednesday. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:02 | |
Look, this is not a request. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:03 | |
We're acting under direct orders from Mayor Gunderson's dog. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:06 | |
Office. I need your two best guys | 0:04:06 | 0:04:08 | |
to join me and be part of my task force. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
That would be Harris and Brett. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:13 | |
But they're not here. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:15 | |
-Isn't that them, there? -Nope. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
-Hey, Brett. -Yeah? | 0:04:17 | 0:04:18 | |
-Dude. -Listen, | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
that stupid possum is on the golf course again. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
Would you rather I capture it myself, and then just call you, | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
-so you can come and pick it up? -OK. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Hey, guys. Cool! Hey, you want your ball back? | 0:04:27 | 0:04:30 | |
Want your ball back? Come with me. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:33 | |
Oh, man! | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
How you know my name, homie? | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
-Stop, man! -Stop hanging yourself. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
-I'm going to hang yourself. -Stop hanging yourself. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
It's quite a crack team you've assembled, Leslie. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
Yeah, well, there's five of us and only one possum. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
How hard can it be? Excuse us! Task force coming through! | 0:04:45 | 0:04:49 | |
Task force clear. Resume golfing. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:55 | |
But after that sex scandal? The man is a god! | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
Hey, Mark. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:02 | |
-Welcome to my haven. -Thank you. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
You are the first non-me to set foot in this building in ten years. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:09 | |
Ron, none of this is up to code. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:11 | |
Sure it is. It's up to the Swanson Code. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
There's no drainage. Doesn't seem to be any ventilation. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
You've got hazardous chemicals over here. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:19 | |
Yeah, which only I'm breathing. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:21 | |
It's the same liberty that gives me the right to fart in my own car. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
Are you going to tell a man that he can't fart in his own car? | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
There is a basket of oil-soaked rags above a wood-burning stove. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:31 | |
Good thing I've got a fire extinguisher, which, I can assure you, | 0:05:31 | 0:05:35 | |
is totally up to your precious code. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:37 | |
This says it should be recharged June of 1996. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
Those dates are arbitrary. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:44 | |
They're like those expiration dates that the government forces companies | 0:05:44 | 0:05:48 | |
to put on yogurt and medicine. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
Observe. Watch yourself. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:51 | |
Yeah. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:53 | |
SPLURT | 0:05:53 | 0:05:54 | |
OK. I'll replace this. Happy? | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
How long do you think it would take me to learn golf, Leslie? | 0:05:59 | 0:06:02 | |
I could teach you. I have a 16 handicap. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
But, you know, it takes a lot of practice. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
You have to get up early, hit the range, practice reading greens. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:09 | |
Yeah, I don't want to do all that. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:10 | |
I think I just want some of those dope pants. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:12 | |
Oh, my God! | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
Oh, my God! It's Fairway Frank! Wow. OK. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:17 | |
All right. Tom, I want you to very slowly... | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
Move! Get out of the way! | 0:06:22 | 0:06:25 | |
25, 26, 27, 28 violations. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:28 | |
Come on, Brendanawicz, relax. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:32 | |
Let me make you a canoe. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:34 | |
Well, I don't need a canoe, Ron. I need you to fix this place up. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:38 | |
So, I'll give you 24 hours. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:41 | |
OK, we may only get one chance to catch this thing, | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
so we have to play it smart. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
You two, flank the left. I'll flank the right. | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
Andy will come in to... | 0:06:58 | 0:06:59 | |
SCREAMING | 0:06:59 | 0:07:02 | |
Andy! | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
I got it! | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
-Oh, my God! Task force, engage! -I got him! | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
-He's got it. -He's good. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
-I got him. -Come on, you cowards! | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
Let me see his face. Let me see his face! | 0:07:12 | 0:07:13 | |
That's him! That's him! We got him! | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
It's OK. He's on my neck! | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
-OK, OK, OK, OK! -He's on my neck! | 0:07:17 | 0:07:18 | |
It's all right, it's all right. All right, it's OK. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
You're next, Poopy. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:22 | |
Very impressive, Leslie. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
Oh, thank you. I had a great task force. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
I was just the simple mastermind who planned the whole operation | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
and executed it to perfection. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
-This is Andy Dwyer, he actually caught the thing. -Mr Dwyer. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:33 | |
Please, my friends call me Andy Radical. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:36 | |
No, we don't. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:37 | |
By day, Andy Dwyer, shoeshine-ist. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:40 | |
By a different time of day, Andy Radical, possum tackler. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:44 | |
And by night, | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
I do whatever I want. No job. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
We think that this is a great PR opportunity. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
So, we've arranged for a reporter from the Journal to stop by to interview, | 0:07:50 | 0:07:54 | |
get some pictures of the team. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:55 | |
Task force. Great! | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
And next time you need a special favour from the mayor's office, give me a call. | 0:07:57 | 0:08:01 | |
Oh, my God, I will! I need so many special favours. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:04 | |
-Which one should I choose? -Well, you don't have to choose right... | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
How about an extra recycling can? No. Laminated bus pass? No. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
What time do you usually go to sleep cos my best ideas usually come to me at night? | 0:08:10 | 0:08:14 | |
-Let's stick to business hours, shall we? -Yeah, all right. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
See you in hell, buddy. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
Am I sure the possum we caught is Fairway Frank? Yes. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:27 | |
Am I quite sure? No. Am I sure enough? Maybe. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
If it wasn't Fairway Frank, would I feel badly? Of course. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
Could I live with myself? That depends. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
As a city official, it's important that I ask myself a lot of questions. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:39 | |
Does doing so help me make decisions? | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
Uh... | 0:08:41 | 0:08:42 | |
-Oh, hey, Shauna. -Hi, Leslie. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:44 | |
-Hi! Andy, you remember Shauna Malwee-Tweep, from the Pawnee Journal? -How could I forget? | 0:08:44 | 0:08:48 | |
You wrote the article when I fell in the pit. | 0:08:48 | 0:08:49 | |
And then afterwards, had sex with Mark | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
and everyone talked about it. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
So, you're on the golf course, and you see Fairway Frank. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:58 | |
Well, we see a possum that we believe to be Fairway Frank. | 0:08:58 | 0:09:02 | |
So, for right now, let's just refer to it as a possum. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:04 | |
Let me explain something to you, Tweep. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:06 | |
When you're in a situation, you don't have time to think. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:10 | |
So, I thought to myself, | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
"Don't think, Andy, act." | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
So, you weren't thinking? | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
Not at all. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
I cannot emphasise enough how little I was thinking. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:23 | |
Were you scared? | 0:09:23 | 0:09:24 | |
No. No, I wasn't. Well, I... | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
I lived in the pit for the better part of last year, | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
and made some vermin friends. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:33 | |
You know what? "Friends" sounds stupid. Colleagues. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:37 | |
They are bad at sharing, but they are good at tag. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:42 | |
Well, your family must be very proud. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
What does your girlfriend think? The nurse. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
I broke up with Ann. Yeah. Shortly after she kicked me out | 0:09:47 | 0:09:51 | |
and told me we wouldn't be together anymore. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
Well, maybe this article will change her mind. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:56 | |
What now? | 0:09:58 | 0:09:59 | |
I hadn't even thought of that. Wow. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:03 | |
Of all the things I thought would bring us back together, | 0:10:03 | 0:10:06 | |
catching a possum was never on that list. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:09 | |
Well, let's go take some pictures of Fairway Frank. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
Of the possum. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:15 | |
Seriously, man, when you wear these clothes, | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
you just feel better than everyone else. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:22 | |
You know? | 0:10:22 | 0:10:23 | |
Yeah. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
-Busy? -No. What's up? | 0:10:25 | 0:10:26 | |
Just wanted to tell you, I understand that city codes exist, | 0:10:26 | 0:10:31 | |
and I know why they exist. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
And I understand that you enforce them. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:37 | |
OK. OK. Good talk. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
Can you sign off on my plans now? | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
Did you get everything up to code? | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
Yup. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:50 | |
No, you didn't! You clearly didn't! | 0:10:50 | 0:10:52 | |
It's my property, my land, my shop. | 0:10:52 | 0:10:56 | |
Ooh. Tommy needs a banana. You guys good? | 0:10:56 | 0:10:59 | |
Ron, you're asking me to do a bad job | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
at my job, and I'm just not going to do that. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:04 | |
So, if you don't mind, would you please just get out of my office? | 0:11:04 | 0:11:08 | |
Ooh. Silly me. There was this little pom-pom | 0:11:08 | 0:11:12 | |
on my glove and it fell off. Have you seen it? | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
Could you help me look for it real quick? It should be on the ground somewhere. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:18 | |
When I was putting it up. See. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
-So, how's your hole? -Excuse me? | 0:11:21 | 0:11:23 | |
The pit. Lot 48. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:24 | |
Oh, we're making really good progress on the park. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:27 | |
In fact, there may be some big news on that front coming soon, | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
all because of this very important business card. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:32 | |
So, this isn't a really big story, right? | 0:11:32 | 0:11:35 | |
Nobody cares about this very much. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:36 | |
Well, Fairway Frank did bite the mayor's dog. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
So, this could be on the front page. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:40 | |
# Fairway Frank You're going to die | 0:11:40 | 0:11:43 | |
# You're going to fry, oh, yeah | 0:11:43 | 0:11:47 | |
# You guilty son of a bitch | 0:11:47 | 0:11:50 | |
# You're going to fry When they flip that switch. # | 0:11:50 | 0:11:54 | |
Hey, April, can I talk to you about this situation with the possum? | 0:11:57 | 0:12:00 | |
-No. OK. -Hypothetically, if you were going | 0:12:00 | 0:12:02 | |
on a mission to, say, catch a guilty whale. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
And while you were catching the whale, | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
you saw something else that may also be another whale, | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
and you were like, "What?" But then you thought, maybe it's not a whale. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:12 | |
Maybe it's a big fish. Maybe it's a submarine with a face painted on it. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:15 | |
The point is, if I kill the first whale, am I technically a murderer? | 0:12:15 | 0:12:18 | |
-I don't know what you're talking about. -I saw a second possum! | 0:12:18 | 0:12:22 | |
There was another possum! | 0:12:22 | 0:12:24 | |
Wait. Andy's in there talking to a reporter, | 0:12:24 | 0:12:26 | |
literally kissing his own biceps | 0:12:26 | 0:12:29 | |
and you're telling me he might not be a hero, | 0:12:29 | 0:12:30 | |
but just some jerk that goes around tackling random possums? | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
No. I've gotta help Leslie find the truth. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
Not because I'm pissed at Andy, which I'm not. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:38 | |
Because I care so deeply about possums. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:42 | |
Because they're so adorable. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:46 | |
April! Did you see my photo shoot? | 0:12:46 | 0:12:48 | |
I think I nailed it. I fell off the stool once | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
when I was trying to look serious, but I'm OK. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:54 | |
That's cool. I'm really happy for you. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:57 | |
You are? | 0:12:57 | 0:12:58 | |
Man, our happy reactions are super different. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:03 | |
So, he said he's going to e-mail me the photos in, like, six hours. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:07 | |
Do you want to wait with me? | 0:13:07 | 0:13:08 | |
Yeah, that sounds good, but I can't | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
because I have to go do something that actually matters. | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
Fairway Frank's been haunting the sixth hole for a while now. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
-You must know him pretty well. -Sure do. | 0:13:19 | 0:13:22 | |
I've chased that little sucker off more times than I can count. | 0:13:22 | 0:13:25 | |
Can you just take a look at these photos | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
and make sure that it's Fairway Frank? | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
Yup, that's him. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:31 | |
Mr Campopiano, those are photos of three different possums. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:37 | |
Huh. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
You guys want something to drink? | 0:13:39 | 0:13:40 | |
KNOCK ON DOOR | 0:13:40 | 0:13:42 | |
Hey, boss. There's a possum wandering around on the 14th green. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:45 | |
-Should I call Animal Control again? -Yeah. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:49 | |
Oh, my God. Those idiots are here from Animal Control. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
They're going to take it away. OK. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
We need more time to figure out the truth. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
I have an idea. I'm going to distract everybody | 0:13:56 | 0:13:58 | |
and you get that possum out of here. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
Can you do that, April? Can you get the possum out of here? | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
Can you sneak it out of here? April, can you do it? Can you? | 0:14:02 | 0:14:05 | |
-Please, April, tell me you can do it! -Yes. Yes, I can do it. God. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:08 | |
I can't kill the possum, because it might be innocent. | 0:14:08 | 0:14:10 | |
I can't let the possum go, because it might be guilty. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:13 | |
I can't make a good soup, can't do a handstand in a pool, | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
can't spell the word "lieutenant." | 0:14:15 | 0:14:17 | |
There's a lot of can'ts in my life right now. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
Let's make it happen, Captain. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:22 | |
Don't call me that. | 0:14:22 | 0:14:23 | |
You know what smells? | 0:14:25 | 0:14:27 | |
Help! Help, my arm looks like it's bleeding! | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
Holy cow! Leslie! | 0:14:30 | 0:14:31 | |
Oh, boy. Oh, look how much it's bleeding. Everybody look at it. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
Everybody look over here! | 0:14:33 | 0:14:35 | |
I need everyone's full attention during this. | 0:14:35 | 0:14:37 | |
-That's a lot of blood. -It is, it's so... | 0:14:37 | 0:14:39 | |
-It's ketchup! -Is it? | 0:14:39 | 0:14:41 | |
-Jerry. Jerry. -Yes. It's ketchup. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:45 | |
TV: 'Sentry duty is usually approximately one hour long. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:48 | |
'Baby meerkats do not start foraging for food until about one month old.' | 0:14:48 | 0:14:52 | |
Do you know them? | 0:14:52 | 0:14:54 | |
What do you mean that Fairway Frank is not here? | 0:14:54 | 0:14:57 | |
Here's the thing, Evelyn, | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
we're not sure that the possum we caught is, in fact, Fairway Frank. | 0:14:59 | 0:15:02 | |
Leslie, whoever it is, it's a possum. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
And the sooner it's dead, the sooner the mayor can do what he wants with it. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:10 | |
Does he want to have sex with a dead possum? | 0:15:10 | 0:15:13 | |
-No! -No. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:14 | |
He's not a monster. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
He wants to stuff it and hang it above the urinal | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
in his office bathroom so that little flecks of pee can get on it forever. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
Ew! | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
Now, Leslie, you did a great job, | 0:15:24 | 0:15:27 | |
and the mayor knows that you did a great job. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:30 | |
Now, where is the possum? | 0:15:30 | 0:15:33 | |
I'm sorry, but he's somewhere you'll never find it | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
and he's going to stay there until the truth comes out. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:38 | |
And I will not reveal his location, no matter how much you ask me. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:41 | |
But I'm going to stop talking now because I'm afraid | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
I may accidentally say where it is, so please go. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:45 | |
This is interesting. They put down a raccoon | 0:15:48 | 0:15:51 | |
that bit a jogger in a park in Staten Island. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:54 | |
-Wow. -And in Walnut Creek, California, | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
they put down a duck that bit a kid. | 0:15:57 | 0:15:59 | |
But security footage later revealed that it was actually a goose. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:04 | |
-That's great. -No, it's awful, Tom. | 0:16:04 | 0:16:07 | |
How would you feel if you killed an innocent duck | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
and let a vicious goose waddle free? | 0:16:09 | 0:16:11 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
-Tom Haverford. -'Tom! It's April, | 0:16:13 | 0:16:14 | |
'I'm at Ann's house and the possum's loose! I need your help! | 0:16:14 | 0:16:17 | |
-'It's chewing on everything! Don't tell Leslie.' -You got it. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:21 | |
The possum got loose at Ann's house. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
Oh, my God! | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
April! April, it's Leslie Knope, from the Parks Department. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
Stop ringing the doorbell, it's making him mad. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:31 | |
Oh, my God! How did this happen? | 0:16:32 | 0:16:34 | |
I let it out of its cage because it needed water, | 0:16:34 | 0:16:36 | |
and I thought it would just drink out of the toilet or something, | 0:16:36 | 0:16:39 | |
but then it ran off and I couldn't get it back in. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:41 | |
He did that, too. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
-Oh, boy. -Yeah, and then I opened all the doors | 0:16:43 | 0:16:45 | |
because I thought it would just go outside, but it won't leave the house! | 0:16:45 | 0:16:48 | |
It must love tacky pictures of flowers. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
OK, OK, OK. I'm going to fix this. Let me just think for a second. | 0:16:50 | 0:16:53 | |
-Uh-oh. -What? | 0:16:53 | 0:16:55 | |
Where is it? I can't see it! No! OK, where did it go? | 0:16:55 | 0:16:57 | |
-I don't know! I don't know. -We just go outside. Let's just go outside! | 0:16:57 | 0:17:01 | |
Get in here! | 0:17:01 | 0:17:02 | |
I haven't even started yet. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:14 | |
I know. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:16 | |
Thought you could use some help. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:18 | |
Those city planning guys can be real pains in the ass. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:21 | |
OK. I just want you to know | 0:17:24 | 0:17:25 | |
that I still don't think city codes... | 0:17:25 | 0:17:27 | |
Ron, shut up. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:28 | |
Would you, please? | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
I'm taking a half-day off to come and help you out | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
because you're my friend, so just shut up. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:38 | |
No, I am bringing my workshop up to the Swanson Code. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:41 | |
And if the Swanson Code happens to overlap | 0:17:41 | 0:17:44 | |
with the City Government Code... | 0:17:44 | 0:17:46 | |
< Shut up. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
I know there's a door there, but I kind of feel like it's going to chew through the door | 0:17:49 | 0:17:53 | |
-and jump on my face and bite me. -I know! -What if it's in here? | 0:17:53 | 0:17:56 | |
What if it laid eggs in the bed? | 0:17:56 | 0:17:58 | |
-OK, there are no eggs! -You know, we should've killed it. | 0:17:58 | 0:18:01 | |
-It's so huge. I'm going to call Andy. -No. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:03 | |
-Yeah. He tackled it once before, he can do it again. -No, please don't, OK? | 0:18:03 | 0:18:06 | |
He's going to be pissed at me. I already ruined his big day, | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
and it's my fault that it's in Ann's house, | 0:18:09 | 0:18:11 | |
who he's obviously still in love with. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:13 | |
I just... I don't | 0:18:13 | 0:18:16 | |
want him to be mad at me, OK? | 0:18:16 | 0:18:20 | |
Oh. April. | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
He'll forgive you. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
-You think so? -Yeah. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:26 | |
We don't have to call Andy. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:28 | |
We can just call Animal Control. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:30 | |
OK. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:31 | |
And, April, any time you want to talk about boys... | 0:18:33 | 0:18:35 | |
Oh, my God! Stop! | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
THEY SCREAM | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
Yo. So, I feel like you were mad at me yesterday | 0:18:57 | 0:19:00 | |
and I don't know why. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:01 | |
So, I made a list of everything I did | 0:19:01 | 0:19:03 | |
and I'm going to try not to do any of them again. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
Also, I got you this coffee. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:08 | |
And then there's this. Fourth paragraph down. | 0:19:10 | 0:19:13 | |
"But Dwyer had some help catching the possum. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:15 | |
"I wouldn't have been able to do it without a caffeine boost | 0:19:15 | 0:19:18 | |
"from the amazing April Ludgate. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:20 | |
"She gave me the liquid courage I needed to wrestle that beast to the ground." | 0:19:20 | 0:19:25 | |
Well, Miss Knope. I have to say I'm very disappointed. | 0:19:25 | 0:19:28 | |
You didn't have to say that, you could've just thought it. | 0:19:28 | 0:19:31 | |
What did you do with the possum, exactly? | 0:19:31 | 0:19:33 | |
Well, I'm proud to say that it's somewhere | 0:19:33 | 0:19:36 | |
the mayor can never pee on it. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:38 | |
It's OK. Honestly. I mean, look. | 0:19:38 | 0:19:40 | |
When I retire and I'm attending some gala | 0:19:40 | 0:19:44 | |
honouring the first three female presidents in history, | 0:19:44 | 0:19:47 | |
myself and two other women I've inspired, | 0:19:47 | 0:19:50 | |
I want to be looking back at my distinguished legacy | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
and not thinking that I owe my career to some possum. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:56 | |
And I want to be wearing a huge, beautiful, blue hat! | 0:19:56 | 0:19:59 | |
-Thank you so much. -Sure. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:00 | |
It made me feel happy that I knew somebody was here taking care of my house. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:04 | |
-Cool. -So, did the neighbours give you any problems? -No. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:07 | |
-Anything in... -Possum. -There was a possum. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:09 | |
We captured a possum, it got out and it might have laid eggs in your bed. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:13 | |
-What? -And it went into your laundry and your kitchen, and it touched all your bras | 0:20:13 | 0:20:16 | |
and I'm so sorry. It's our fault. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:18 | |
We captured it and it ran around and it was a possum. OK? April, run! | 0:20:18 | 0:20:21 | |
Run, April. Sorry, Ann! I love you! | 0:20:21 | 0:20:24 | |
-I'm going to go. -I think that would be best. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:29 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:20:29 | 0:20:30 |