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-Good morning. -Whoo! Swiss Family Ron-binson! That hat is dope. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
-Thanks, Tom. -You mind if I rock that bad Larry on my dome? | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
Wear it? On my head? Try it on the ladies? | 0:00:09 | 0:00:11 | |
Be my guest. | 0:00:12 | 0:00:14 | |
Hi, I'm Tom. I have a raccoon on my head. | 0:00:14 | 0:00:17 | |
Excuse me? My friend over here was digging through your trash | 0:00:19 | 0:00:22 | |
and I think we may have a lot in common. I'm Tom. | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
Would you like to see a movie sometime? | 0:00:24 | 0:00:25 | |
Are you a raccoon? | 0:00:25 | 0:00:27 | |
Because you've been running around my hat all d... Head all day. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:32 | |
Girl, you're more precious than Precious. | 0:00:32 | 0:00:35 | |
-Uh-uh. -"Nice hat. Wanna bone?" That's you, talking to me. -No. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:42 | |
How about, "Yes, I am a hunter, and it's you season." | 0:00:42 | 0:00:47 | |
Whoa, that's great. I gotta get back out there. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:50 | |
You know what they say - animal on the head, manimal in the bed. | 0:00:50 | 0:00:54 | |
Damn, girl! Your hotness killed my raccoon! | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
I have a raccoon hat. I'm an interesting person. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
Hello! | 0:00:58 | 0:00:59 | |
Any luck? | 0:01:01 | 0:01:02 | |
Nope. Didn't work out as well as I thought it would. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
Well, better luck next time. | 0:01:05 | 0:01:07 | |
I tried. It just didn't seem like... | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
Wow. I love that hat! | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
Thank you, ma'am. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:12 | |
Hey, Ron. I have a surprise for you. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
Meet me at Harvey James Park at 11:30. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
-Why? -It's a surprise! | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
What's the surprise? | 0:01:41 | 0:01:42 | |
If I told you, it would ruin the surprise. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:43 | |
What's the surprise it would ruin? | 0:01:43 | 0:01:44 | |
I cannot tell you that. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:45 | |
Leslie, my first wife, Tammy, | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
tried throwing me a surprise birthday party. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
When I saw my friends hiding through the window, | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
I drove to a gas station, called the cops | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
and told them people had broken into my home. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
I'm not big on surprises. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:57 | |
OK, but you're going to like this one. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
What is it? I'm not telling you. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:00 | |
And I'm not going to tell anybody! | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
OK. I'll tell you! | 0:02:04 | 0:02:05 | |
We're putting together the Parks Department Summer Catalogue. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:08 | |
And the big surprise is I am going to reunite | 0:02:08 | 0:02:12 | |
all the living former Parks Directors at a picnic, | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
record the whole thing, | 0:02:15 | 0:02:16 | |
and then write about it in the Welcome Letter. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:19 | |
'It's the biggest catalogue of the year.' | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
'Think of the September issue of Vogue.' | 0:02:21 | 0:02:24 | |
'But it's more important to Pawnee.' | 0:02:24 | 0:02:25 | |
'Mainly because we don't get Vogue here.' | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
I'm going to move this Yearning ad to the centrefold. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:31 | |
Centrefold, always the best part. Am I right, Justin? | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
-Damn, they broke up six weeks ago. -Yeah. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:37 | |
Jerry, I need to see your softball pictures. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
Here you go, Chief. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:40 | |
Wow, good job. Nice work. Whoa! | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
Ooh, wait a minute. Isn't that that creepy guy? | 0:02:42 | 0:02:44 | |
Morgan? The paedophile? | 0:02:44 | 0:02:46 | |
Yeah, it is. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:48 | |
-OTHERS: Oh, my God. Oh, Jerry! -I didn't know that! | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
He seemed OK. We had dinner together. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:54 | |
Guys, I don't know if I made it clear, | 0:02:54 | 0:02:56 | |
but I don't want any sex offenders in our Parks catalogue. | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
OK, I will Photoshop his face. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:00 | |
Can you Photoshop your life with better decisions, Jerry? | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
OK, April. Enough. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
Cover photo. Tom, you're up. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:05 | |
This catalogue is basically, like, an ad for the Parks Department, | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
and I love ads. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
'I love magazine ads for flavoured vodkas,' | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
'billboards for designer jeans.' | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
'I TiVo through shows to get to the ads.' | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
I love ads. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
What are we trying to do with this catalogue? | 0:03:19 | 0:03:22 | |
We're trying to sell Pawnee on our summer classes. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
How do we do that? With one perfect, captivating image. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:28 | |
April? | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
Modern life. Where are we running? | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
Sometimes, what we want is not always where we are. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:36 | |
Next slide. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
Are we alone? | 0:03:38 | 0:03:39 | |
Is the real winter inside our hearts? | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
We are all struggling for definition | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
in a world that resists our inquiries. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
OK, this isn't going to work for a number of reasons. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:47 | |
One, this is a summer catalogue. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
Two, that was complete gibberish. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
And three, that child looks like it's abandoned. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
So, basically, boo. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
Next slide. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:57 | |
Oh, God. Weird. How did that...? | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
That's a personal photo. That's... Shouldn't be... This must've... | 0:04:03 | 0:04:06 | |
You know, I gotta say, | 0:04:07 | 0:04:08 | |
I think that could actually work as our cover photo. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
I'm cool with it, if you guys are. It's a high-res photo. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
I don't know if I have time for this, guys, | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
so, let's just pick a good photo, OK? | 0:04:14 | 0:04:15 | |
What do you want, Leslie? A picture of parents pushing a kid on a swing? | 0:04:15 | 0:04:18 | |
Yeah. Exactly. Get me that. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
OK. I gotta go. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:22 | |
What is he thinking? | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
"Why is my cup so tiny?" | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
Hey. What are you doing here? | 0:04:31 | 0:04:34 | |
Happy six-month anniversary. I got you a gift. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:38 | |
It's a chicken salad sandwich. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:39 | |
And I don't want you to feel bad | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
about not getting me anything, because I would never expect... | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
Swiss Army Watch, mofo. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
Well done, Perkins. Wow! | 0:04:45 | 0:04:47 | |
Like it? | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
Thank you so much. That's so nice. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
Are you allowed to kiss me in a hospital room? | 0:04:52 | 0:04:55 | |
Oh, don't worry about it. He's dead. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:57 | |
Oh, my God. | 0:04:57 | 0:04:58 | |
Oh, no, I'm just kidding, he's sleeping. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
Oh, OK. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:01 | |
'Yeah, our relationship is going well. Really well.' | 0:05:01 | 0:05:04 | |
That guy really seemed dead. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
Nice! | 0:05:10 | 0:05:11 | |
Here, catch this. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
-HE LAUGHS -You got me in the face! Oh! | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
That one hurt. You've a good arm. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:19 | |
I know. I used to play softball in high school. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:21 | |
-Shut up! I played baseball in high school. -Shut up! | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
Yeah, that's like, the boy version of softball. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
Guys, don't play with the food, OK? We need this for the picnic. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
-Do we have everything? -Yes, ma'am. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
Three picnic baskets, assorted cheeses, grapes, wine. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
Smoked salmon? | 0:05:32 | 0:05:33 | |
April threw the smoked salmon on the roof. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
I'm sorry. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:39 | |
Where's Leslie? She just texted me from your phone | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
and said she left her phone at home | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
and that I should come here immediately. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:44 | |
And why did I believe that? | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
Maybe in your heart you knew it was from me, but you came anyway. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:49 | |
Nope. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
Tom, would you please stop texting me that you're having a city planning emergency? | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
There's no such thing as a city planning emergency. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
Hi, there. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:57 | |
Hi. | 0:05:57 | 0:05:57 | |
Look at you two. | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
Ann Perkins, Mark Brendanawicz. Anndanawicz. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:03 | |
Or Merkins. No, Anndanawicz. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:05 | |
You two should be models. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
Maybe on the cover of the Parks Department Summer Catalogue? | 0:06:07 | 0:06:11 | |
That's not the reason you called me in here, right? | 0:06:11 | 0:06:13 | |
Cos I just finished a 12-hour shift. If that's the reason... | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
Come on, Ann. It'd be a huge favour for Leslie. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
You know how important this is to her. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:18 | |
-Well, I am in. -Dude! | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
I am. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:21 | |
We don't have any pictures of just the two of us. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:25 | |
Plus, I've always said we should go on more dates with Tom. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:28 | |
Yeah, you have. And thank God an opportunity presented itself. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:32 | |
-See? Win-win. -Now, Ann, you're going to change, right? | 0:06:32 | 0:06:34 | |
-I guess. -Would it kill you to maybe put on some lipstick? | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
Do you even own lipstick? | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
This is probably the first time in history, these four great men | 0:06:39 | 0:06:42 | |
have been in the same place at the same time. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:44 | |
It kind of makes you... | 0:06:44 | 0:06:45 | |
What is this? | 0:06:47 | 0:06:48 | |
Sweater swap! She noticed - you were right. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
Oh, my God. Somebody's here. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:51 | |
OK. Guys, just act normal. Please? | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
Be like normal people. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:54 | |
Hello! Hi! David Moser! I'm Leslie Knope. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:57 | |
It is such an honour to meet you. | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
Right. How long is this going to take? | 0:06:59 | 0:07:02 | |
Oh, not very long. I realise, of course, you're a very busy man. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:05 | |
I love parks. | 0:07:05 | 0:07:06 | |
I don't know if that's something I've communicated before. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:09 | |
'So, having a picnic' | 0:07:09 | 0:07:10 | |
'with all the former living Parks Department Directors...' | 0:07:10 | 0:07:13 | |
Guess who just checked something off her bucket list? | 0:07:13 | 0:07:16 | |
Clarence Carrington, David Moser, | 0:07:16 | 0:07:18 | |
Michael Tansley, Ron Swanson, | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
gathered together on a beautiful day in this beautiful park. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:24 | |
I think we should just take a moment | 0:07:24 | 0:07:25 | |
and appreciate how lucky we are. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:28 | |
I thought you were dead, Clarence. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:29 | |
No. I'm going to outlive you, then I'm going to nail your wife. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
Screw you, you old coot. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:33 | |
Classic David. You're worse than Ron. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:35 | |
Shut your damn mouth, Tansley. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:37 | |
OK! Great! Let's go! | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
When I say "parks", you say "department"! | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
Parks! | 0:07:42 | 0:07:43 | |
Parks! | 0:07:43 | 0:07:45 | |
Apartment! | 0:07:45 | 0:07:46 | |
Oh, boy. This is taking a lot longer than I thought it would. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:51 | |
-Can you guys run up ahead and set up the picnic? -Sure. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:54 | |
Where are they going with the food? | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
I'm starving. I only had one breakfast. | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
Relax. Look, what was going on back there? | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
Why all the sniping? | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
Not exactly sure. The only one I know is Michael, | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
-and we're not exactly best friends. -Hmm. -I'm hungry. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
OK, well, don't be such a baby. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:09 | |
I cooked you some bacon for a trail snack. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
-I ate it already. -What?! | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
I could smell it in your purse before I even parked my car. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:15 | |
And now it's gone. And I hate everything. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:19 | |
Good, good, good... | 0:08:21 | 0:08:22 | |
All right, I think we got the boring cliched shot Leslie wanted. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:26 | |
That's it? We're done? | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
Not even close. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
Now the real art begins. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
Step one, nail this photo shoot with an amazing, iconic image. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:36 | |
'Step two, book some outside gigs.' | 0:08:36 | 0:08:39 | |
'Step three, have sex with a model.' | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
Step four, step in front of the camera, become a model. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:46 | |
Go, yes! Keep slithering! Keep slithering! | 0:08:46 | 0:08:50 | |
Ann, can you give me something, anything, in the face? | 0:08:50 | 0:08:53 | |
What do you want me to do? | 0:08:53 | 0:08:54 | |
Do what Mark's doing. He's doing great! | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
Keep slithering! | 0:08:56 | 0:08:57 | |
I'm not doing anything, so... | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
OK, Clarence, um, why don't you describe | 0:09:00 | 0:09:04 | |
the first Summer Pawnee Catalogue. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:05 | |
I remember. That first year we offered four classes. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:09 | |
I actually taught Homemaking. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
Women were not allowed to teach back then. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
Really? I thought there were female teachers way before then. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
Not in my department. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:19 | |
Well, times have changed. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:21 | |
I'm Deputy Director now, | 0:09:21 | 0:09:24 | |
but I'm hoping someday to be the first female director of the department. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
Oh, I don't think that's a good idea. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:28 | |
Women need a lot of blood to flow through to their baby centres, | 0:09:28 | 0:09:34 | |
which leaves less to the brain, you see. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:37 | |
Yep. Mm-hm. Sure. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
I'd stay away from leadership roles, for your own safety. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:45 | |
No! No! | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
Maybe I should write a song about a picnic. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
Ooh, where'd you come up with that idea? | 0:09:51 | 0:09:54 | |
The picnic we're having. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:55 | |
'I already have the perfect title, Life is a Picnic.' | 0:09:55 | 0:09:59 | |
'That's good. How about Life is a Picnic...with You?' | 0:09:59 | 0:10:03 | |
Whoa! Then it could be about a girl. Or Peyton Manning! | 0:10:03 | 0:10:08 | |
Hm. You want to help me write the lyrics? | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
Yeah, totally. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:11 | |
We should grab a drink after this at Tucker's. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:15 | |
Yeah, I would do that. That sounds fun. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
I just have to get my stuff from the office. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
But that's... That'd be cool. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:23 | |
David, what was it exactly that called you to the Parks Department? | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
Well, I was in Public Works for eight years. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:30 | |
But the director was pretty young. Clarence was old and weak. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:35 | |
So, I put in for a transfer, swooped in and pushed him out. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:38 | |
Uh, there was no other reason you wanted the job? | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
No. Just the money and the pension. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
Actual job's a nightmare. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:46 | |
I mean, who gives a crap about this...crap. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:51 | |
Well, David, I think we've talked enough. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:57 | |
Mark, that's great. Bobby, great. | 0:10:57 | 0:10:58 | |
Ann, you look miserable! | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
Terrible. Terrible! | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
Come on, Ann. What are we doing? Maxim or Good Housekeeping? | 0:11:02 | 0:11:05 | |
I'm not sure which one is the insult. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
Hey, if there's anyone out there that's doing a photo shoot | 0:11:08 | 0:11:10 | |
about the dangers of eating undercooked chicken, | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
I can give you Ann's phone number. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
OK, let's stop for a second. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:17 | |
-Bobby, I love how you work. -Yay! | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
You can have as many juice boxes as you want. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:20 | |
In fact, grab me one, too. Make it an apple. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:23 | |
Mark, great job, you can have a juice box, too. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
Ann, take a walk with me. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:27 | |
In a million years, I never thought you would be the problem with this photo shoot. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:31 | |
Didn't you just plan this, like, two hours ago? | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
I just don't get it. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:35 | |
How could someone so hot be so bad at looking hot? | 0:11:35 | 0:11:37 | |
I'm sorry I'm not a professional model. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:40 | |
And screaming, "Make your face better!" doesn't help. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
Well, I'm sorry, your face just isn't working. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
And we need to do something to distract from this boring area. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:47 | |
Now, I didn't want to have to do this, but we may have to go nude. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
Goodbye, Tom! | 0:11:49 | 0:11:50 | |
Fair enough. I totally understand. But we should get one for safety. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:53 | |
OK, guys. We're almost there. It's right up here. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
You really shouldn't be leading us. | 0:11:56 | 0:11:58 | |
If you're menstruating, you'll attract bears. | 0:11:58 | 0:12:00 | |
Holy God. OK. | 0:12:00 | 0:12:02 | |
Here we are. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
Eat! | 0:12:05 | 0:12:06 | |
'Well, it hasn't gone exactly as I've hoped.' | 0:12:06 | 0:12:09 | |
But I got them all here and we're going to have a beautiful picnic. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:12 | |
It's going to... It's going to be good. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:16 | |
Hey. Hey! I just whizzed on a butterfly! | 0:12:16 | 0:12:18 | |
Well, gentlemen, as you know, I'm working on my welcome letter for the Summer Catalogue. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:25 | |
You should just copy the Eagleton one. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:27 | |
I used to just copy the Eagleton one. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:31 | |
Did you? I was hoping that maybe you could talk to me | 0:12:31 | 0:12:33 | |
a little bit about how the department has changed since you ran it. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
Well, I think you've done a wonderful job maintaining the parks. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:38 | |
Thank you, Michael. I appreciate that. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
Did you enjoy your turn at the helm? | 0:12:40 | 0:12:41 | |
In a way. Pencil pushing wasn't my thing, but I did love the parks themselves. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
-That was the best part of the job. -Oh, isn't it? I totally agree. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:47 | |
Well, thank goodness for you. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:48 | |
Yes, thank goodness for Michael. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:51 | |
Are you still on parole, by the way? | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
Oh, ha, ha. Very funny, Ron. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:55 | |
Yes. Yes, Ron, I am. | 0:12:55 | 0:12:59 | |
-What? -He smoked pot. In the office. And in all the parks. Constantly. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
In fairness to me, it was a different time. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:03 | |
It was the early '90s. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
But also, it's ridiculous that marijuana is illegal. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:10 | |
Thomas Jefferson grew hemp. | 0:13:10 | 0:13:12 | |
Alcohol is legal, but pot isn't? | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
That makes sense to you, Ron? | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
I'm sorry, I can't hear hippies. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:20 | |
So, if you had to sleep with one of the old guys, who would it be? | 0:13:20 | 0:13:24 | |
-The super-old one. -Really? | 0:13:24 | 0:13:25 | |
Mm-hm. I'm an eyebrow girl. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:28 | |
I want to make out with him and chew his eyebrows off. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:32 | |
That is really gross. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
Anybody got any water? | 0:13:34 | 0:13:35 | |
"Oh, I want water. I'm so old, I need to drink water." | 0:13:35 | 0:13:39 | |
Oh, stop it, stop taunting him! | 0:13:39 | 0:13:42 | |
I don't need your help, jailbird. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
If there's any unclaimed meat or cheese, I would like to claim it. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:47 | |
Like you claimed my job? | 0:13:47 | 0:13:49 | |
Yes. Exactly like that, in that I wanted it, and then I took it. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:50 | |
Guys, you know I would love if anybody just said something positive | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
about - oh, I don't know - anything. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:55 | |
I agree. Let's just relax, smoke another J, and all calm down. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:59 | |
Another?! | 0:13:59 | 0:14:00 | |
By the way, it's ridiculous that pot is illegal. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:04 | |
It grows in the ground! | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
I've planted marijuana in community gardens all over the city, | 0:14:06 | 0:14:10 | |
-and it hasn't hurt anyone! -What? | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
-Michael, you are one pot-loving mother -BLEEP -and mother -BLEEP -pain in the rectum. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:14 | |
OK, stop it! Stop it! You're being awful, horrible men! | 0:14:14 | 0:14:17 | |
Uh-oh, your little friend come to visit? | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
GUFFAWING | 0:14:20 | 0:14:21 | |
Clarence, if you mention anything about women, | 0:14:21 | 0:14:24 | |
or menstruation, or anything, | 0:14:24 | 0:14:26 | |
I'm going to take your face and shove it in those brambles! | 0:14:26 | 0:14:30 | |
-Yes! -No! You're next, buddy! | 0:14:30 | 0:14:31 | |
ANDY! Let's take this picture. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
Come on! Get out of your seats, turds. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:35 | |
line up over there. Come on. | 0:14:35 | 0:14:36 | |
Just, please, try to look human. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:38 | |
All right? And not so evil. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:39 | |
Everybody looking here. One, two, three. | 0:14:39 | 0:14:41 | |
Thank you so much for the wonderful memories. | 0:14:41 | 0:14:43 | |
Everybody take their stuff and go. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:44 | |
Ooh, ooh, ooh. Can we do one funny-face one? | 0:14:44 | 0:14:47 | |
Do you have that picture Andy took? Maybe I'll run it without text. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
Yeah. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:52 | |
I tried to Photoshop it to make it look like they were happy. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:54 | |
It was really hard. Their mouths are so old. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:57 | |
God! Look at these horrible men. | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
You know, I don't even know if I want them in my catalogue. | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
Would you like these men in your catalogue? | 0:15:01 | 0:15:04 | |
Oh, my God, April. That's disgusting. | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
What? Look how generous they're being with each other. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
And here's the Obstruction series. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
What do you think? Amazing, right? | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
I call this one The Future. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:14 | |
It's completely blurry. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:17 | |
Yes, it is, Ann. | 0:15:17 | 0:15:18 | |
What about the ones we took on the swing? The normal ones? | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
You mean the Unhappy Wife photos? | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
Oh, my God. These are even worse, somehow. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:29 | |
I look miserable. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
You do look kind of miserable. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:32 | |
Now you know what I meant by "Make your face better." | 0:15:32 | 0:15:34 | |
Was there something wrong, Ann? | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
Well, I had just gotten off a long shift. He was being really annoying. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:40 | |
Mark looks happy. | 0:15:40 | 0:15:42 | |
Just please don't use these, OK? | 0:15:42 | 0:15:45 | |
Let's grab some dinner. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
Sure. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:48 | |
Hey, Ron. You want me to read you | 0:15:50 | 0:15:51 | |
what I have so far in my welcome letter? | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
Nothing. Because you and your jerk predecessors | 0:15:53 | 0:15:56 | |
didn't give me anything to work with. | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
Did you print this out? I heard the printer going. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
Yes. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:02 | |
You could've just handed me a blank piece of paper. | 0:16:02 | 0:16:04 | |
Oh! Wisdom! Finally. | 0:16:04 | 0:16:06 | |
Thank you so much. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:07 | |
You can also keep the photo. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
Thanks for the memories. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:10 | |
Good God. I don't remember this. | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
That...That's the wrong one. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:15 | |
But the real one's very bad, as well. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
I want you to know that I'm replacing the Welcome Letter | 0:16:17 | 0:16:19 | |
with this ad for Yearning by Dennis Feinstein. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:21 | |
So goodbye, distilled wisdom of 50 years of experience. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
Hello, disgusting fragrance flap! | 0:16:24 | 0:16:26 | |
Let me buy you dinner. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
No. I insist you buy me dinner. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:30 | |
-ID? -I'm 24. | 0:16:32 | 0:16:34 | |
No, you're not. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:36 | |
OK, I'm 25. | 0:16:36 | 0:16:38 | |
No old jokes, please. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:39 | |
ID. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:40 | |
It says right here you're 20. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:50 | |
You're not even going to show me a fake? | 0:16:50 | 0:16:53 | |
Sometimes the confidence confuses people. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:56 | |
You're good, bro. | 0:16:56 | 0:16:57 | |
You know what? I think I'll just... I'm going to... | 0:16:57 | 0:17:01 | |
Hey, I know another bar that always lets me in, | 0:17:01 | 0:17:03 | |
if you just want to go there. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
Uh... Yeah, actually, I should get going home. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
I have a lot of stuff to do. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:11 | |
So, I should go home. Clean and stuff. But... | 0:17:11 | 0:17:16 | |
Yeah, OK, cool. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:17 | |
Yeah, I gotta go home, too. So... | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
All right. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:21 | |
See you! | 0:17:22 | 0:17:23 | |
Later. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:26 | |
The usual, Marta. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:29 | |
Me, too, Marta. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:31 | |
You got it. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:32 | |
Oh, Ron, I really made love to the pooch on this one. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:36 | |
Screwed the pooch? | 0:17:36 | 0:17:37 | |
I don't like that term, it's so vulgar. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
Rrrron...! | 0:17:40 | 0:17:41 | |
That sucked, today. I'm sorry, there's no other way to say it. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:46 | |
They're a bunch of career bureaucrats. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
What did you think they were going to say to you? | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
"Leslie, you are the next link in a wonderful chain | 0:17:50 | 0:17:52 | |
"that stretches back to when our town was founded, | 0:17:52 | 0:17:53 | |
"and we believe in you and we support you | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
"and we'll be following your career. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
"You are the chosen one." | 0:17:57 | 0:17:59 | |
Or something. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:00 | |
Well, OK, so, that was the problem. | 0:18:00 | 0:18:02 | |
No. You know what the worst part is I want to be Parks Director. | 0:18:02 | 0:18:05 | |
But every single person who was Parks Director hated their job | 0:18:05 | 0:18:08 | |
and hated everyone they worked with. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:09 | |
Are we going to hate each other someday? | 0:18:12 | 0:18:15 | |
I don't think so. I think we're going to be fine. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:19 | |
Anyway, the point's moot, | 0:18:20 | 0:18:21 | |
because you're Park Director now and you're not going anywhere | 0:18:21 | 0:18:24 | |
and I'm not making you go anywhere. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:26 | |
I'm not going to stab you in the back or anything, so... | 0:18:26 | 0:18:28 | |
Maybe I should go somewhere. Maybe I should move, to Eagleton. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:31 | |
Oh, God, the thought of that. | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
Leslie, you don't have to move to Eagleton. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:36 | |
When I become City Manager, my job is yours. | 0:18:36 | 0:18:39 | |
Of course, my first act as City Manager | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
will be to propose eliminating the Parks Department. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
Although I expect a spirited debate with Leslie. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
Who knows what the future holds for me? | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
Maybe I'll leapfrog Ron's job and become City Manager. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:55 | |
Of course, my first act as City Manager | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
would be to double the size of the Parks Department. | 0:18:57 | 0:18:59 | |
Although, I do expect a fight from Ron. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
But I'll win. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
Mmm! Thank you, darling. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food? | 0:19:07 | 0:19:10 | |
People are idiots, Leslie. | 0:19:10 | 0:19:12 | |
-BOTH: -Mmmm! | 0:19:15 | 0:19:18 | |
The wait is over! | 0:19:18 | 0:19:19 | |
-ALL: -Oh, yay! | 0:19:19 | 0:19:20 | |
Look what's here. We got... | 0:19:22 | 0:19:24 | |
'"My fellow Pawneeans... Yes, it's here!' | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
'"The Parks Department's Summer Catalogue has arrived' | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
'"and for the first time in 20 years, tennis is back!' | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
'"Peruse this wondrous book at your leisure' | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
'"and take advantage of everything this great town has to offer.' | 0:19:35 | 0:19:39 | |
'"Time is fleeting, my fellow Pawneeans.' | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
'"Make the most of it, while you can.' | 0:19:41 | 0:19:43 | |
"I recently had the honour of spending an afternoon | 0:19:44 | 0:19:46 | |
"with every living former Parks Director, | 0:19:46 | 0:19:49 | |
"and they taught me a valuable lesson, | 0:19:49 | 0:19:51 | |
"there is nothing more important than friendship." | 0:19:51 | 0:19:54 | |
-It's a little flowery. -Shut up. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:58 | |
I gotta hand it to Michael. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
His water-pipe-making skills were most impressive. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
I once saw him smoke pot out of a 20-foot length of garden hose | 0:20:04 | 0:20:08 | |
and a milk jug. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:09 | |
-That guy made a water pipe out of a stuffed raccoon. -No way! | 0:20:09 | 0:20:12 | |
-I'm not kidding. -He made a bong out of a taxidermied raccoon? | 0:20:12 | 0:20:15 | |
I caught him smoking pot out of it | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
not three feet from where we're standing. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:19 | |
OH! Nice shot! | 0:20:19 | 0:20:23 | |
Right in Clarence's ancient junk. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
-In the neck! -OH! | 0:20:26 | 0:20:28 |