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Ladies and gentlemen, this is your final warning. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
Do not miss tonight's April Ludgate birthday bash. | 0:00:03 | 0:00:06 | |
9pm at the world-famous Snakehole Lounge, | 0:00:06 | 0:00:11 | |
the place the Pawnee Journal has called | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
"the sexiest, most dangerous club in town." | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
-That's not what they wrote. -Fine, I added the word "sexiest". | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
But we've hired better security. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
Yes, I am a good friend for throwing the party. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:22 | |
I'm also a genius, because I'm using the occasion to stock the club | 0:00:22 | 0:00:26 | |
with every available hottie I know. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:28 | |
Call me a romantic, but I believe by the end of the night, | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
I will have between one and four new girlfriends. | 0:00:30 | 0:00:34 | |
Oh, that's great. I'd love to hear about your family vacation. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:37 | |
-Hey. -Oh, thank God. Get out, Kyle. | 0:00:37 | 0:00:39 | |
Hello, birthday girl. | 0:00:40 | 0:00:43 | |
Got you a birthday present. | 0:00:43 | 0:00:44 | |
-Really? -Yeah. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:45 | |
-I wrote you a song. -Score. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:48 | |
-What's it called? -Not telling. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:49 | |
But I'll give you a clue. It's named after a month out of the year. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:52 | |
So April? | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
No. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:55 | |
That would have been way better. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
Whatever. I can rewrite the lyrics. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:01 | |
Are you coming to my party? | 0:01:01 | 0:01:02 | |
Yeah, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Are you kidding me? | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
-OK, cool. -OK. | 0:01:05 | 0:01:07 | |
Well, we'll hang out then. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:08 | |
OK. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:09 | |
It's going to be fun. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:10 | |
Yes, I am 21 years old today. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:14 | |
Which is the age that pretty much everyone agrees makes you an adult. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:18 | |
The yearly budget and planning proposal | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
for a city is called the Master Plan. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
Isn't that just so awesome you can't stand it? | 0:01:45 | 0:01:48 | |
I shall now reveal to you my master plan. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:51 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:01:51 | 0:01:54 | |
Kind of sounded like a chimp there at the end. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:56 | |
Good morning, everybody. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
I know you all have your budget presentations ready, | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
but there's a change of plans. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:02 | |
Due to the crippling gridlock in City Council, | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
we are postponing all planning and spending decisions indefinitely. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:09 | |
Until when? | 0:02:09 | 0:02:10 | |
Indefinitely. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:11 | |
-And when will that end? -Later than now. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
So this week, probably? | 0:02:13 | 0:02:15 | |
Look, we are bordering on a full-blown crisis, Leslie. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
The state government is sending a team from Indianapolis | 0:02:17 | 0:02:21 | |
to try to solve this budget problem. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
Just calm down. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
You don't even know what they're going to do. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
Ron, they're state auditors. They're here to slash and burn. We got to fight these guys. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
They've been sent by the Governor. They outrank everyone. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:34 | |
There's no fight to be had here. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
Yeah, you're right. I'm not going to fight them. Except that I am. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
OK. Leslie, what do we do when we get this angry? | 0:02:39 | 0:02:44 | |
We count backwards from 1,000 by sevens, | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
and we think of warm brownies. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:48 | |
Go do that in your office. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
Go do it in your office. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:51 | |
And we'll wait for these guys to show up. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
I'll wait for you to show up. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
-Andy! -Hey. -You coming out tonight, part owner of the club? | 0:02:56 | 0:03:00 | |
Yes. Let me ask you a quick question. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
What's the youngest a girl can be that if we go out, I'm not a total scumbag? | 0:03:02 | 0:03:06 | |
You know the old rule. Half your age plus seven. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:09 | |
Half my age plus seven. Oh, OK. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
Well, I'm 29, so half of 29. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:16 | |
Add seven. That's only... | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
20 is... | 0:03:19 | 0:03:22 | |
-21... -20 years old. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
-21. -And a half. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:25 | |
21 years old and a half. | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
-Yeah. -Yep. We got the same thing with the equation on that one. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:30 | |
Here's the thing. What if she's slightly younger? | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
Can I go out with someone younger than that? | 0:03:33 | 0:03:35 | |
Please, you totally can. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
Yeah. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:38 | |
Tom says it's OK. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:39 | |
That probably means it isn't OK. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
Thank you for meeting with me again. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:47 | |
I don't even know really what I want to say. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
But I guess I just don't get it. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
You know, our relationship was so great. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
Mark, honestly, it was really nice. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
But maybe you thought it was so amazing | 0:03:56 | 0:03:59 | |
because you've never dated someone for so long before. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:02 | |
Well, but for example, we barely ever fought. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:04 | |
That's not a good sign. You're supposed to fight sometimes. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:09 | |
You're supposed to miss the other person | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
even if they're only gone for 20 minutes. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:15 | |
And I just didn't feel that. Did you? | 0:04:15 | 0:04:18 | |
Man, I should have yelled at you way more. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:23 | |
Well, Paul just called. They're on their way. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:28 | |
Oh, God. They're going to fire people, aren't they? I am two years from my pension! | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
Relax, Jerry. We don't know that. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
Maybe these people are very helpful and pleasant. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
Hello? | 0:04:35 | 0:04:36 | |
Death! | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
Divorce filings? | 0:04:38 | 0:04:39 | |
Fourth floor. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
Hello, hello. Hey, how are you? | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
-Hello, there. -Hi. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:45 | |
Chris Traeger. This is Ben. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:47 | |
Hello, gents. Ron Swanson. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:48 | |
Ron Swanson. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
OK. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
I'm deputy director Leslie Knope. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:54 | |
Leslie Knope. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:57 | |
It is fantastic to be here. | 0:04:57 | 0:04:59 | |
Would you like a tour? | 0:04:59 | 0:05:00 | |
There is quite literally nothing I would rather have in the world | 0:05:00 | 0:05:03 | |
than a tour of the Parks and Recreation Department | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
of the great city of Pawnee led by Ron Swanson and Leslie Knope. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:10 | |
-OK. -Ben? -I don't think that's a great idea. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
-Let's do it! -Great! | 0:05:13 | 0:05:14 | |
Chris is the most positive state budget auditing consultant I have ever met. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
I mean, I made eye contact with him, | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
and it was like staring into the sun. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:24 | |
People, we are here from the state budget office from Indianapolis. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:28 | |
Ooh. What does that mean? | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
Look, simply we are here to tinker with your budget. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:34 | |
Think of the government as a broken-down carousel. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:37 | |
We're going to slap on a new coat of paint, | 0:05:37 | 0:05:38 | |
we are going to fix that broken speaker system, | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
and we are going to get those happy kids back up on the horses where they belong! | 0:05:40 | 0:05:45 | |
-OK? -Yeah. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
-OK? -OK. | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
Yeah, that's not bad. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:50 | |
There it is. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:51 | |
My partner, Ben, is going to stick around for a little bit, and I will see you all later. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:56 | |
Adios! | 0:05:56 | 0:05:57 | |
Do you have a second? | 0:05:57 | 0:05:58 | |
I really like your shirt. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
So I'd like to talk about where you think | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
there's waste within your department. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
-Where do I start? -There is none. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
What exactly will you be cutting? And how much of it? | 0:06:13 | 0:06:17 | |
And can I watch you do it while eating pork cracklings? | 0:06:17 | 0:06:20 | |
OK, let's start with personnel. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
What can you tell me about Jerry Gergich? | 0:06:22 | 0:06:25 | |
He is one of the best people on the planet. He's universally adored here. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:29 | |
If you fired him, there would be a revolt. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:32 | |
OK, you need to understand that just to keep this town afloat, | 0:06:32 | 0:06:35 | |
we probably have to cut the budget | 0:06:35 | 0:06:36 | |
of every department by 40 or 50%. OK? | 0:06:36 | 0:06:40 | |
Well, but Chris said that you just had to, | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
you know, tinker with things. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:44 | |
Yeah, he said that because that sounds a lot better than | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
"We're going to gut it with a machete." OK? | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
RON LAUGHS | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
-You're a jerk. -I'm sorry? | 0:06:54 | 0:06:55 | |
-Easy. -I'm sorry. These are real people | 0:06:55 | 0:06:57 | |
in a real town, working in a real building, with real feelings. | 0:06:57 | 0:07:00 | |
This building has feelings? | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
Maybe. There's a lot of history in this one. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
Maybe it does. How can you be so blase about this? | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
Because I didn't cause these problems, Ms Knope. Your government did. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:09 | |
I'll get what I need from the spreadsheets. Thanks. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:13 | |
What's a not gay way to ask him to go camping with me? | 0:07:17 | 0:07:21 | |
Jean-Ralphio. Looking hot, Big T. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
Throw them bows! | 0:07:23 | 0:07:24 | |
What? Damn, girl, who are you trying to impress? | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
Just kidding. I know. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:28 | |
-Walk away. -Yep, you got it. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
Got you a birthday shot. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
Thanks, but now that it's legal, I've kind of lost interest. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:37 | |
Suit yourself. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:38 | |
I guess our awesome new park is on hold. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:45 | |
You have any idea what they're going to cut? | 0:07:45 | 0:07:46 | |
Nope. I don't know. It's just been a really crappy day. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:50 | |
-Where were you earlier when I called? -Talking to Mark. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:53 | |
-Again? -Yeah. | 0:07:53 | 0:07:54 | |
-You want to get super drunk? -I really do. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:57 | |
-Yeah. Where's our lady? Hey! -Hey. | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
I hope you all know I was instrumental | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
in getting Trish crowned Miss Pawnee. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
What was your talent again? | 0:08:04 | 0:08:05 | |
Oh, yeah. Looking amazing. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
Hey, ladies, is there anything you desire at all, besides me? | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
So funny. You are so funny! | 0:08:15 | 0:08:18 | |
I'm serious, though. Are you into me? | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
What? | 0:08:21 | 0:08:22 | |
Chug that, bitch! | 0:08:29 | 0:08:30 | |
Rules are rules. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
Hey, April. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
Oh, my gosh. You look amazing. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
-Let me see you. -No. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:40 | |
-Give me a twirl. -No. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:41 | |
This is beautiful. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:42 | |
Don't look at me. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
No, look at me. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:46 | |
Happy birthday. | 0:08:46 | 0:08:47 | |
Thank you. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:48 | |
Can I get you a drink? Or...wait. | 0:08:48 | 0:08:51 | |
Yeah, I can swing it. Can I get you a drink? | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
Whiskey. Neat. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
Wow. You're not messing around. | 0:08:57 | 0:08:59 | |
No. I'm not. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:00 | |
Barkeep. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:06 | |
Andy Dwyer! It's so awesome to see you. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:09 | |
Hey, you, too. How are you? | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
Let me ask you a question. Was I a good girlfriend? | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
Ann, you were an awesome girlfriend. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
-Really? -Yeah. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
Aw! | 0:09:18 | 0:09:19 | |
I mean, I was the screw-up. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
Yeah, you were. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:24 | |
We had a good relationship, right? | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
God, I think so. I mean, we fought a lot. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:28 | |
I know. I know. I know that. Let me ask you something. | 0:09:28 | 0:09:33 | |
I'm hot. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:34 | |
Is that a question? | 0:09:34 | 0:09:35 | |
When we were together... I can't see. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:38 | |
-When we were together... -Yes. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
Were there times that you were like, | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
"If I don't see Ann in, like, ten seconds, I'm going to die"? | 0:09:42 | 0:09:46 | |
Yes, all the time. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:47 | |
I loved Andy. Loved him. Loved Andy. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:52 | |
He was a totally helpless baby when we met. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:56 | |
I dated him for three years. | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
Now, he's an adult with a job. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
And some other girl is going to reap the rewards of my hard work? | 0:10:00 | 0:10:06 | |
-That's bull... -BLEEP! | 0:10:08 | 0:10:09 | |
And I'm reading this, and I'm like, | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
"How could they hurt those gorillas like that?" | 0:10:16 | 0:10:19 | |
They're such gentle, magnificent creatures, you know? | 0:10:19 | 0:10:22 | |
I'm an animal lover. I don't know. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:25 | |
Hey, I want you to keep this bottle cap. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:28 | |
So you always remember me and the first time we met. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:32 | |
Classic game. Plant the seed. Harvest, like, a half hour later. | 0:10:32 | 0:10:36 | |
Here you go. Sorry that took for ever. God. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:41 | |
Hey, baby, you miss me? Because I missed you. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
-Oh, look at this. Jean-Ralphio. Hey. -Hey. Andy. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:47 | |
Andy. That's an all right name. That's an all right name. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
-Thank you. -Yeah. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
Are you guys... Are you guys hanging out together? | 0:10:51 | 0:10:54 | |
-Yeah, maybe. -Yep. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:55 | |
You know, he asked me out so many times. I guess he wore me down. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
I'm very persistent. Come over here. Come over here. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:01 | |
I can hear you. I can hear you. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:02 | |
One time, I waited outside a woman's house for five days | 0:11:02 | 0:11:05 | |
just to show her how serious I was about wanting to drill her. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
Turns out it was the wrong house. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:10 | |
She loved the story, anyway. We got to third base. Over the pants. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
That's so cute. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:14 | |
Yeah, super cute. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:15 | |
-Wow. -Right? | 0:11:15 | 0:11:16 | |
Do you want a Remy Martin? | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
-Probably good. -OK, I'll get you one. Two Remy Martins! Here we go! | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
You can have my Remy Martin for your birthday. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:27 | |
I thought she liked me. I guess I'm super bad at picking up signals. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:34 | |
That Ralph Macchio guy is a total douche. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
Did I give you a bottle cap? | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
Excuse me, did I give you a bottle cap? | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
What? | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
Did I give any of you guys a bottle cap? | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
You sure? | 0:11:48 | 0:11:50 | |
Who the did I give a bottle cap to? | 0:11:51 | 0:11:53 | |
This party sucks. Let's get out of here. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:02 | |
It's my birthday party. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:04 | |
-It is? -Yes. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:05 | |
I'm sorry, boo. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
-You know what's thirsty? -What? | 0:12:07 | 0:12:08 | |
You know what's weird? How thirsty I get when I'm weird. | 0:12:08 | 0:12:11 | |
When I'm drunk. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:14 | |
Ben, the jerk, is here. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
-Who are? -That one. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:17 | |
The one coming over here. Get ready. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
OK, Leslie, be professional. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
-Hi. -Hello, Ben. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
Look, I kind of feel like we got off on the wrong foot. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:30 | |
So I just wanted to stop by and... | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
Yeah. Well, save your breath. OK? | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
Just get out of here. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:36 | |
Because this is a party with my friends, | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
and you're trying to fire all my friends. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:41 | |
-I... -Plus, I just talked to everybody in this bar, | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
and nobody wants you here. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
OK. Then I'll just see you tomorrow. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
Sorry to bother you. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:49 | |
Get out of here. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
Leslie? That was so professional. I'm so proud of you. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:57 | |
Thank you. | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
-You have to help me. -Ow. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:01 | |
I know. Me, too. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:02 | |
But you have to help me. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
I think I may have made out with someone last night. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:07 | |
Oh, no. Who? | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
I don't remember. I don't even know if it happened. | 0:13:10 | 0:13:12 | |
I just had this feeling when I woke up this morning | 0:13:12 | 0:13:14 | |
like I definitely kissed somebody. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:16 | |
-No. -Hey, Ann. | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
Wow, that was a crazy night last night. | 0:13:19 | 0:13:22 | |
Yeah, crazy. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:25 | |
I mean, I left at 11.15, and you were still raging pretty hard. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:32 | |
Oh! I was. I was. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:35 | |
-Good. -Yeah. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:37 | |
So it's not Jerry. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:38 | |
-Help me. -I'll keep an ear to the ground. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
But right now, I have to go swallow my pride. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
Leslie, Leslie. Welcome, welcome, welcome. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:46 | |
Wow. You have a lot of bottles there. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
Yeah. Would you like a vitamin? B-12? | 0:13:48 | 0:13:50 | |
-Evening primrose oil? Willow bark? Magnesium? -No, thank you. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
You sure? Really good for hangovers. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:54 | |
OK, I'll take one. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:55 | |
I take care of my body above all else. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:58 | |
Diet, exercise, supplements, and positive thinking. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
Scientists believe that the first human being | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
who will live 150 years has already been born. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:05 | |
I believe I am that human being. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:08 | |
So, what brings you here so early? | 0:14:08 | 0:14:10 | |
I'm here to speak to Ben, actually. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
Great. I'm going to listen to some ocean sounds and do some chin-ups. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:16 | |
So, I'd like to apologise for yesterday. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:22 | |
Don't worry about it. | 0:14:22 | 0:14:24 | |
No, what I did was out of line. Twice. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
And I was worked up, because obviously, | 0:14:27 | 0:14:29 | |
you represent a threat to my department. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:31 | |
Your city council and your mayor are the threats to your department. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:34 | |
We didn't do anything to get you into this situation, OK? | 0:14:34 | 0:14:37 | |
OK. Look, Ben, I don't appreciate your callous attitude, OK? | 0:14:37 | 0:14:39 | |
-Really? -Yeah, really. | 0:14:39 | 0:14:41 | |
OK. | 0:14:41 | 0:14:42 | |
You may hold my fate in your hands like a small bird, | 0:14:42 | 0:14:45 | |
but I still think you're an ass. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
You want to get a beer? | 0:14:49 | 0:14:51 | |
-It's like 10.30 in the morning. -Yeah. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:52 | |
And you seem like you could use a beer. Let's get a beer. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
Well... | 0:14:55 | 0:14:56 | |
Oh, oh, oh. Don't keep him too long. | 0:14:56 | 0:14:59 | |
I need someone to be here when I take my multivitamin. | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
There's a choking hazard. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:04 | |
OK, can we go? | 0:15:04 | 0:15:05 | |
Oh, my God. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
-You don't remember anything that happened last night, do you? -No. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:11 | |
Wow. For once, it's Ann who blacked out drunk and not Andy. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:16 | |
-OK. -Oh, my gosh. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:18 | |
-That's really dangerous. -Please tell me. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:20 | |
This is going to be so fun letting you dangle until I finally reveal that we did not make out. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:26 | |
Oh. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
(BLEEP) damn it. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:29 | |
Good. See you. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
All right. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:32 | |
Hey, I need to settle my bill from last night. Tom Haverford. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:38 | |
OK. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:39 | |
Wow. You had 47 drinks last night? | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
Ten cosmos, eight Smirnoff Ices, | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
and everything else starts with the word pomegranate. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
Was it your bachelorette party? | 0:15:49 | 0:15:51 | |
No, I invited a bunch of girls here last night, | 0:15:51 | 0:15:54 | |
and they all put drinks on my tab. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
And then I went home alone. I'm not sure what happened. | 0:15:57 | 0:16:00 | |
You invited a bunch of girls here, and then you tried to hit on all of them. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
Fair enough. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:04 | |
I mean, what were you expecting was going to happen, a 43-way? | 0:16:04 | 0:16:08 | |
-That would have been a little out of control. -But awesome. | 0:16:08 | 0:16:10 | |
Yeah, the problem is I only have 15 penises, so... | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
There would have been 28 girls that were really upset with me. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
Yeah. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:17 | |
All right, well, thanks. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
Hey, would you want to get a drink tomorrow night? | 0:16:26 | 0:16:30 | |
Does it have to be here? | 0:16:30 | 0:16:32 | |
No. | 0:16:32 | 0:16:33 | |
Then, sure. I'm Lucy. Let me give you my phone number. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
Wow, that tastes really good. | 0:16:40 | 0:16:42 | |
How's your head? | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
Mushy. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
I'm sorry that I yelled at you. All three times. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:49 | |
But I don't think you know anything about my department. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:52 | |
Have you ever been part of a government body before? | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
I have, yeah. Small town called Partridge, Minnesota. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:58 | |
Why does that sound familiar? | 0:17:01 | 0:17:03 | |
You're Benji Wyatt? | 0:17:06 | 0:17:07 | |
I am. When I was 18, I ran for mayor of my small town. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:12 | |
And won. | 0:17:12 | 0:17:13 | |
A little bit of anti-establishment voter rebellion, I guess. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
Here's the thing, though, about 18-year-olds. They're idiots. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:20 | |
So I pretty much ran the place into the ground after two months and got impeached. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:25 | |
The worst part was my parents grounded me. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:29 | |
-Oh, my God. You were so cute. -Well, thank you. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:31 | |
What was that song you played at the swearing-in ceremony? | 0:17:31 | 0:17:34 | |
-Whoomp! -Yes. -That's what it was. -Yeah. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:37 | |
God, I was so jealous of you. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
You shouldn't have been. I mean, it ended up kind of ruining my life. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:42 | |
And now, I'm balancing budgets | 0:17:42 | 0:17:43 | |
so I can show people I'm responsible. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:46 | |
So I can run for office again some day | 0:17:46 | 0:17:47 | |
and not be laughed at, you know. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:50 | |
I mean, you want to run for office some day, right? | 0:17:50 | 0:17:53 | |
Yeah. How did you know? | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
Well, you have to be able to make decisions like this, Leslie. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
You have to be harsh, you know? | 0:17:57 | 0:17:59 | |
No-one's going to elect you to do anything | 0:17:59 | 0:18:01 | |
if you don't show that you're a responsible grown-up. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:03 | |
Yeah. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:04 | |
Well... | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
Oh, no. Please, Mr Mayor, let me. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
# Whoomp there it is. # | 0:18:09 | 0:18:10 | |
OK. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:12 | |
Mmm. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:14 | |
Mmm. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:16 | |
-Everything OK? -Hm? | 0:18:17 | 0:18:19 | |
Mmm. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:20 | |
No. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:22 | |
-You ready? -Yeah. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:35 | |
Hey, Ron, did we make out last night? | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
Good God, woman. No. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
OK. Well, that's it. That's all the men that I know. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:50 | |
You guys just knocked it completely out of the park. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:52 | |
And I appreciate it, and we will see you later. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:55 | |
Hey! Ann Perkins! | 0:18:57 | 0:19:00 | |
-Hey. -Hey, well... | 0:19:01 | 0:19:04 | |
-April's party? April's party? -Yeah. Hey, man. How's it going? -Hi. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:08 | |
-Hey. -Yeah, Tom. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:10 | |
Hey. Come here. | 0:19:10 | 0:19:12 | |
There's no reason not to love him, but I didn't. | 0:19:12 | 0:19:15 | |
# Highway to the danger zone. # | 0:19:15 | 0:19:20 | |
I've called you a cab. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:21 | |
You know, I just... | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
OK, let's get you in the cab. Come on. | 0:19:31 | 0:19:34 | |
Boo. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:35 | |
Fancy this. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:37 | |
Listen, I have meetings all day, but I'd love to chat with you. | 0:19:37 | 0:19:40 | |
Can I call you? | 0:19:40 | 0:19:41 | |
You have my phone number? | 0:19:41 | 0:19:44 | |
No, you couldn't remember your phone number, but you gave me your phone. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:47 | |
-Terrific. That's great. We'll talk later. -OK. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:50 | |
# Danger zone. # | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
Come on, guys. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:53 | |
We'll talk later. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:56 | |
This suggested plan reduces our overall budget by 35%. | 0:19:56 | 0:20:01 | |
And it contains very practical, deep cuts in many of our services. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:04 | |
Wow, Leslie. This is amazing. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:06 | |
But it's moot. | 0:20:06 | 0:20:08 | |
Why? | 0:20:08 | 0:20:09 | |
Our investigation has revealed | 0:20:09 | 0:20:11 | |
that things in Pawnee are much worse than we anticipated. | 0:20:11 | 0:20:15 | |
-Meaning what? -Well, effective tomorrow morning, | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
the entire government will be shut down until further notice. | 0:20:17 | 0:20:20 | |
I'm sorry. I just started hearing really loud circus music in my head. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
What did you say? | 0:20:26 | 0:20:27 | |
# November, your bangs are cute | 0:20:29 | 0:20:33 | |
# November, your voice is a flute | 0:20:33 | 0:20:35 | |
# November, let's pretend the sky is for us | 0:20:35 | 0:20:41 | |
# Let's spread our wings and fly on a date | 0:20:41 | 0:20:46 | |
# I want to go on a date with you, November. # | 0:20:46 | 0:20:52 | |
That song is about April. | 0:20:56 | 0:20:58 |