Sister City Parks and Recreation


Sister City

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Today we are welcoming a delegation

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from the parks department of our sister city,

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Boraqua, Venezuela.

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Our photo op with the mayor is tomorrow at 3PM,

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so I'm going to need your suggestions about my wardrobe ASAP.

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I told you, gold sequin sweatpants.

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Also, remember, everyone, Venezuela is a poor country.

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These men are not used to the wealth

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and flash that we have here in central Indiana.

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Our only job over the next two days is to make these men feel at home.

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Yes, I am a little nervous.

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Pawnee has kind of a tricky history

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with welcoming foreign visitors.

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But things have changed.

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Our guests are going to stay in a motel, for sure.

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Oh, God! What if they don't speak English?

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April, you know Spanish, right?

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Oh, good. Excellent.

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My mom's Puerto Rican.

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That's why I'm so lively and colourful.

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Oh, my God. Here they are.

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OK, everybody, clean up.

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Pull your thing up.

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Everyone, just be...good. Jerry, hit it.

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TRADITIONAL MUSIC PLAYS

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LESLIE: 'This is my baby.'

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'I've put this whole trip together,

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'and let me tell you something, it's not been easy, you know?

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'How do you fit all of Pawnee in a 48-hour visit?'

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I had to drop the Rock and Roll Bowling Alley from our itinerary.

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That was one of the most difficult phone calls I've ever had to make.

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Hello, most excellent representatives

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of the great Parks Department of Boraqua, Venezuela.

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I am Deputy Director of Parks and Recreation,

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and Chairwoman of the Departmental

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Ad-Hoc Sub-Committee for Pit Beautification, Leslie Knope.

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It's a pleasure to meet you.

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I'm Vice Director Ejecutivo

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del Diputado del Departamento de Parques,

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Raul Alejandro Bastilla Pedro de Veloso de Maldonado.

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I'm Tom.

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These are my colleagues, Antonio Rivera-Fonseca,

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Minister of Small Fountains.

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And Elvis Correja, Administrator of Hedges.

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And he is?

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Pay no attention to him.

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He is our intern, Jhonny. He is worthless.

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We are quite tired from our trip.

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Could you have your servant collect our bags, please?

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- What'd he call me? - Tom, please.

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It's a different culture, OK? Just be a good host. Do this for me?

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Fine.

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Yes. We will get our pathetic servant boy

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to fetch your luggage. Go, boy!

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Now, I know you gentlemen had a long flight,

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but I have prepared a welcome party in your honour.

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Excellent. I like to party.

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Well, my job is to see to your every need.

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Do we just select the woman we desire?

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I will take the large black one.

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- Interesting choice. - What?

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Do you have some kind of book with photos of the women available to us?

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If not, I will also take the sexy black one.

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I am not surprised at all. I've been to South America.

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I did very well there.

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I think there might've been a translation problem.

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When I said party, I meant one that did not include sex for pay.

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But one that had food and drink and dancing, that sort of thing.

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So, no women?

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No.

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Off to kind of a weird start.

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We have so much to learn from each other.

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What kind of birds do you guys eat?

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Chickens.

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Us, too! Amazing.

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What is this?

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Water, I'm sorry. Agua.

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In our country, government officials drink only bottled water.

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I can assure you that that water's very safe to drink.

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No. Bottled, please.

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Send the boy.

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Tom, go get water.

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Leslie, come on!

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For your troubles.

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You got it, chief!

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Hey, April, can you help me out a second...

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Go away, Jerry.

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OK.

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GASPS AND CAMERA CLICKS

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This is a gold plated replica of the gun Hugo Chavez used

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in the 1992 Socialist Revolution.

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It is a gift.

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This gun truly symbolizes

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the blossoming peace between our two nations.

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APPLAUSE

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'A key aspect to diplomacy is gift-giving.'

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The gift has to be nice enough to honour and respect the guest,

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but not so nice that it shames him.

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Plus, it needs to represent the local culture.

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And I found the perfect thing.

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A bottle of high-fructose corn syrup,

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made right here in Pawnee's own Sweetums factory.

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Sweetums! If you can't beat 'em, Sweetums! Since 1891.

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And eight and a half dozen rubber baby bottle nipples,

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also made here in Pawnee.

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Kernston's Rubber Nipples. Tastes like the real thing.

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APPLAUSE

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Yes. And we too are pleased to be here in your dirty alleyway.

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We thank you for the container of sap, and the bag of garbage.

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His English isn't perfect,

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so I don't think he realises how insulting he's being.

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We're also sister cities with Kaesong, North Korea.

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Their town is far nicer.

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That's fine, it's my job. I'm a diplomat.

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I'm not supposed to take it personally.

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We haven't been here for a very long time,

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but what we have seen is,

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really, from the bottom of our hearts, truly depressing.

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Really, really sad stuff.

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I mean, that's why people respect Hillary Clinton so much.

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Cos nobody takes a punch like her.

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She's the strongest, smartest punching bag in the world.

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It's funny because Antonio said to me, "Can we turn this car around

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"and say we're sick or something, or that we lost our way?"

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Of course, that would be rude to you.

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What is your profession?

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I'm a city planner.

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This city was planned?! HE SNIGGERS

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On the drive in, I saw a tattoo parlour next to a school,

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next to a Taco Bell.

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It looks like it was designed by a very stupid rodent.

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He's actually a pretty smart rodent.

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- Oh! - Ah!

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You have a quick wit.

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You know what? I've changed my mind, I will have you for the evening.

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Oh, boy (!)

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MARK: She'll get back to you on that.

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Politically, no, I don't support Chavez.

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I despise him and everything that he does.

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On the other hand, this is a pretty sweet-ass gun.

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The banana you wanted, senor.

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Ah! Finally. You peel.

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What?

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With your hands, you peel the banana.

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OK! Let's get started, shall we?

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I have a full day of activities planned.

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I would like to see where the children are fed the sweeteners.

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A restaurant?

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American children are fattened more efficiently

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than any other children in the world.

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I mean, they're like little basketballs.

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I mean, they're huge, little porkers.

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OK.

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This is our thermometer!

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I'm trying to turn a giant dirt pit into a community park.

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But I need 35,000, and the city doesn't have enough money in its budget.

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I do not understand.

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You've never had a budget shortage?

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THEY SNIGGER

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No.

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Venezuela is blessed with massive oil reserves.

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Massive, I mean, tremendous, like, you would not believe.

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Hmm.

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The state sells the oil, and keeps all the money,

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and we build whatever we want.

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Wow, well. Now, I do not understand.

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SHE LAUGHS WEAKLY

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I feel my English was very clear. Shall I repeat?

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Venezuela, Venezuela, my country,

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has a lot of oil. Oil is food for cars.

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The Venezuelans are a very confident people.

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OK, look, I know these guys didn't turn out to be exactly

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how we thought they would be.

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You said they might not know what toilet paper is.

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I'm calling an audible. We can't be humble anymore.

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What we're going to do is, we're going to take them to our best park

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and we're going to blow their socks off.

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Yeah, I don't think that's going to blow their socks off.

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Fine, we'll go further. We'll take them to Chicago

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and pretend it's part of Pawnee. Or New York. Or London!

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No, wait, the money's different there.

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They'll figure it out. OK, never mind. We'll go to the park.

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Everybody doing OK back there? Comfortable?

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Well, the motel we're putting you up in is really nice.

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You can watch TBS. Do you have TBS in Venezuela?

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I have everything in Venezuela.

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I have four satellite dishes on my estate.

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We get 14,000 channels.

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14 THOUSAND.

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I already know who wins Project Runway.

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Wow. I'm coming over to your house then.

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I see what you're getting at, but no, thank you.

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I am still primarily interested in the large black woman.

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N-n...

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Here we are! Take it in, boys.

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This is an embarrassment to America.

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I'm sorry?

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You are right to want to correct this.

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Correct what?

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This is the giant pit of dirt you were telling us about, is it not?

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The one you want to turn into a park?

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No, no. This is already a park.

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And it's one of our best-loved parks.

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Why are the trees so small?

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They're not THAT small.

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Besides, size doesn't matter.

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Yes, it does. Our trees are huge.

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We build tunnels through them.

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The parks in Boraqua are far superior.

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The park in my hometown, El Parque del Este,

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we have a monorail, and we have an aquarium,

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and we have the Jaripa Amphitheatre. It's huge.

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Lady Gaga played there last week.

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Great. Well, we don't have Lady Gaga.

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And I don't think she's going to come here

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unless her career takes a very bad turn.

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But we have something more beautiful than Lady Gaga. Democracy.

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'I'm going to show you an example of that.

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'Let's go to a town hall meeting.'

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Elvis, Oh Henry!

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Raul, Butterfinger.

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Antonio, Nestle Crunch with the crispy rice removed.

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Weird choice, but for you, I got it done.

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Gracias, senor.

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Gracias.

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'I find it incredibly demeaning.'

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But guess what?

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# Cash money!

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# I'm gonna make it rain! #

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I'm just going to pick that up real quick.

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So, are you guys ready? We're about to start.

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This is where you have your meetings?

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Well, the location rotates.

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Sometimes we have them on the volleyball courts.

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THEY SNIGGER

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Where do you hold your meetings?

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Well, now that you ask,

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we usually rotate as well between different fortresses

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and citadels, and palaces.

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Hmm. We don't need palaces.

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The ideas are what shine in our meetings.

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What are you?! Some kind of moron?!

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Why don't you have hand dryers in the park bathrooms?

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They're so much more sanitary than paper towels!

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Anyone knows that!

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My dog went to one of your parks and ate another dog's faeces.

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And I'm going to sue you for that.

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- How do you like it? - No!

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How do you like that?!

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Now imagine you're holding coffee.

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'This is outrageous.'

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Where are the armed men who come in to take the protesters away?

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Where are they?

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This kind of behaviour is never tolerated in Boraqua.

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You shout like that, they put you in jail.

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Right away. No trial, no nothing.

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Journalists? We have a special jail for journalists.

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You're stealing? Right to jail.

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You're playing music too loud? Right to jail. Right away.

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You're driving too fast? Jail. Slow? Jail.

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You're charging too high prices for sweaters,

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glasses, you right to jail.

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You undercook fish, believe it or not, jail.

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You overcook chicken, also jail.

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Undercook, overcook.

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You make an appointment with the dentist and you don't show up?

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Believe it or not, jail, right away.

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We have the best patients in the world, because of jail.

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Well, it was tough going, but it was lively.

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What did you think of the open forum?

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This meeting of ugly people yelling? It is like torture.

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That's one perspective.

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In Boraqua, the government moves like a hot knife through butter.

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Not as this here, listening to people yelling,

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these fat faces turning all red?

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Are you kidding me? We're like kings!

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We walk down the street and they treat us like rock stars.

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We answer to nobody.

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In a true Democracy, we believe that the input of our citizens

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is extremely valuable.

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Hey! These pretzels suck!

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Thank you. See?

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No wonder nothing ever gets done in this country.

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Really? Nothing gets done?

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Tell that to the Golden Gate Bridge.

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Or American Idol. Or the moon!

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Oh, wait, you can't, Cos you've never been there.

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Look, this is not personal.

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We just think that you are weak and your city is disgusting.

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I think you're rude. And I think you've been rude since you came here.

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And I think that your medals are stupid and your uniform is lame,

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and you guys want to marry Hugo Chavez!

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Hey! Do not disrespect Chavez.

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Stupid Chavez.

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I just told you not to disrespect him.

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Good, I just did.

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- That's twice. - I don't like Chavez.

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Yes, you do. And do not disrespect him.

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- No, I don't! - Yes, you do!

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No, I don't, Raul!

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Look, if you don't like it here, then go, OK, Raul?

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- Great. - Good. Shut up.

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We're shutting up, yeah. And we'll go.

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Vamos.

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- Those are our pens. - Right.

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- We don't even need them. - Great, then don't take them.

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We didn't.

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They started it.

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Look, those guys were rude, arrogant, narrow-minded, class-A jerks.

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Now, I may have lost my cool, but they deserved it.

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OK. I'll call the mayor and cancel the photo op.

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- No! Don't do that! - OK.

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Then call the Venezuelans and apologise.

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No, they were rude, arrogant, narrow-minded, class-A jerks!

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OK. Then I'll call the mayor and cancel the photo op.

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No!

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Do you see the problem here?

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Yes! But I don't want to!

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LESLIE: 'Yesterday I was tough and direct,

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and today I have to be charming.'

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Thank you!

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'Basically, yesterday I was Hillary Clinton, and today I'm Bill.'

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Gracias!

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Can I get anyone anything to drink before we start?

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- Coffee? Brandy? - I'd love some coffee.

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Anything, guys?

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- Some nuts? - I'll have some nuts.

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- Gummi Bears? - Sure.

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- Apple crisps? - Yeah.

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- Granola bars? - I'll take those.

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Nothing? Sure?

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OK. I'll be right out there if you need me.

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Well, Raul, gentlemen, thank you for coming.

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Well, I would just like to first say,

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I am so sorry for blowing up yesterday.

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It was completely uncalled for.

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Well, we are sorry as well.

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We were very tired from our long journey.

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Also, we were a bit jealous.

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Our colleagues from Caracas are visiting their sister city of Miami.

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Yeah. They've been partying with Dwyane Wade.

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They sent us all these photos and QuickTime files.

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I mean, you have to see this place Miami. Just gorgeous, everything.

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There's so much soul and life everywhere!

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Every little tiny street, so much culture and history!

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And the cars! People really take care of their cars there.

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You notice that and they're a little older,

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but still just beautiful.

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Really, really nice.

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And the food, so spicy and wonderful. We could not even believe it.

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But Pawnee is really good as well.

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Yes. In any case, I made a few phone calls,

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and the government of Venezuela has authorised

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a special gift for you.

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HE CHUCKLES

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35,000?

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Yes, it is to fill your pit to start to build a park.

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No, no, we can't take this.

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Yes, yes, yes. Please. We will see you later today at the photo opportunity.

0:15:440:15:48

And I think we're good here. No?

0:15:480:15:50

- Somos todos bien? - Bueno

0:15:500:15:52

OK. OK, gracias.

0:15:520:15:55

Good meeting.

0:15:550:15:57

I don't know. Maybe I should return the money.

0:15:590:16:02

It's from a foreign government, I don't really trust these guys.

0:16:020:16:04

- I'm going to return the money. - Are you crazy?

0:16:040:16:06

You could buy a low-end Lexus with that money.

0:16:060:16:08

Or, you could build a park with that money.

0:16:080:16:10

Let's look at the pros and cons.

0:16:100:16:11

Pro, we could fill in the pit and build a park.

0:16:110:16:13

Con, we might be filling it in with dirty money.

0:16:130:16:16

Pro, 35,000 worth of dirty money.

0:16:160:16:18

Con, not quite sure why that's a pro.

0:16:180:16:19

Pro, we can fill in the pit.

0:16:190:16:21

Con, Ann already said that.

0:16:210:16:23

Ugh! Pro and con never works!

0:16:230:16:25

Pro, yes, it does!

0:16:250:16:27

Ugh...I don't...Ugh!

0:16:270:16:30

Fine. Fine. We'll keep the money. OK?

0:16:330:16:34

Everybody happy? Jerry, are you happy?

0:16:340:16:36

- What did I do? - Meeting adjourned, Jerry!

0:16:360:16:38

Can I just say, I still feel kind of weird about this money.

0:17:120:17:15

OK. Look, I know they've given you a hard time.

0:17:150:17:17

When the mayor gets here, we'll do the photo op,

0:17:170:17:19

they'll be out of our hair, you'll get to build your park.

0:17:190:17:22

Ah! Leslie! Hello.

0:17:230:17:25

Raul. The mayor will be with us in just a few minutes.

0:17:250:17:28

If you don't mind, we would like to take

0:17:280:17:29

a video of you to show our superiors.

0:17:290:17:31

OK, sure.

0:17:310:17:32

Do you have the cheque that we gave to you?

0:17:320:17:34

Ah, yes, I do.

0:17:340:17:36

OK, you're going to show it to the camera

0:17:360:17:38

and say how much it is and what it is for.

0:17:380:17:41

OK, this is a cheque for 35,000 and it is to build a park.

0:17:420:17:47

How generous!

0:17:470:17:48

Yes, it's really generous.

0:17:480:17:50

Now say, "Viva Venezuela!"

0:17:500:17:53

Viva Venezuela!

0:17:530:17:54

Viva Chavez!

0:17:540:17:56

Thank you, Venezuela!

0:17:570:17:58

"Viva Chavez!" Say it!

0:17:580:18:00

Aw, come on.

0:18:000:18:01

I don't want to "Viva" that guy.

0:18:020:18:05

We just gave you 35,000. That's worth one "Viva!"

0:18:050:18:08

SHE WHISPERS Viva Chavez.

0:18:150:18:17

Yes! Viva Chavez!

0:18:170:18:18

Gracias!

0:18:180:18:20

Yeah.

0:18:200:18:21

THEY TALK AMONGST THEMSELVES IN SPANISH

0:18:210:18:25

What is he saying?

0:18:250:18:26

Um...

0:18:280:18:29

They are very happy.

0:18:290:18:30

They say Hugo Chavez will love this video

0:18:300:18:34

because it is another success for their committee.

0:18:340:18:37

Committee?

0:18:370:18:39

Yeah.

0:18:390:18:40

They're a Committee to Humiliate and Shame America.

0:18:400:18:44

It will be a good video.

0:18:440:18:46

The Committee to Humiliate and Shame America?

0:18:460:18:49

Yes. It is Hugo Chavez's passion project. And we just had an idea.

0:18:490:18:54

Why don't you call the park after Chavez?

0:18:540:18:56

You know, you call it Hugo Chavez Park.

0:18:560:18:58

And you can have a nice, big fountain of his head,

0:18:580:19:01

so that when the water is coming out

0:19:010:19:03

he is spitting at you all the time.

0:19:030:19:05

You should write this down.

0:19:060:19:08

Viva America! Viva Pawnee!

0:19:110:19:14

Viva Mayor Walter Gunderson!

0:19:140:19:17

You have offended us!

0:19:170:19:18

You have offended the government of Boraqua!

0:19:180:19:21

You are no longer our sister.

0:19:210:19:24

Vamanos, rapido.

0:19:240:19:26

LESLIE: 'No, America is not perfect.'

0:19:260:19:28

'But diplomacy isn't just sucking up and being a pushover.

0:19:300:19:34

'Sometimes you got to get tough.'

0:19:340:19:36

I am going to build that park myself, and it is going to be awesome.

0:19:360:19:41

And it's not going to have a fountain shaped like Hugo Chavez's head

0:19:410:19:45

spitting water all over everyone.

0:19:450:19:47

Unless that's what the people want.

0:19:470:19:50

And that, sir, is democracy.

0:19:500:19:52

Leslie, come see this!

0:19:540:19:56

Check out this video April sent me.

0:19:560:19:59

'Hey, guys. I'm at Jhonny's place in Venezuela.

0:19:590:20:02

'It's OK, I guess. He has, like, five million rooms.

0:20:020:20:06

- 'And this is only his guesthouse.' - Holy cow!

0:20:060:20:08

'There's a lot of guys with guns here.

0:20:080:20:10

'It's better than my mom's house, I guess.

0:20:100:20:13

'So tell Leslie I don't know when I'm going to be back.

0:20:130:20:16

'Oh, and Donna's here.'

0:20:160:20:18

Hey, guys! Hola!

0:20:200:20:22

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