Browse content similar to Media Blitz. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
Line | From | To | |
---|---|---|---|
LOUD TYPING | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
I found this typewriter next to the courtyard dumpster. | 0:00:05 | 0:00:08 | |
An old Underwood Five with original carriage return. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:11 | |
-IT DINGS -Ah. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
I took her home, polished her up, | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
and bought a brand-new ribbon off of electronicbay.com. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:19 | |
OK, somebody's got to do something. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:22 | |
I'm getting a cluster headache. | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
Oh, whoa, whoa, he's leaving. | 0:00:24 | 0:00:26 | |
TOM: Let's go. I'm going to throw it away. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:29 | |
-No, I'm not. It weighs a billion tonnes. -What is he typing anyway? | 0:00:30 | 0:00:33 | |
"If you sons of bitches try to remove this typewriter, | 0:00:33 | 0:00:36 | |
"I'll kill you." | 0:00:36 | 0:00:37 | |
I'm going to type every word I know. | 0:00:39 | 0:00:42 | |
Rectangle! | 0:00:43 | 0:00:44 | |
America! | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
Megaphone! | 0:00:46 | 0:00:47 | |
Monday! | 0:00:47 | 0:00:50 | |
Butthole. | 0:00:50 | 0:00:51 | |
Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, | 0:01:11 | 0:01:14 | |
but these interviews are more important than we thought. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
Harvest fest is two weeks away, | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
and awareness is still pretty low. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:21 | |
Boy, 35%. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:22 | |
It's actually 34.2%. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
-ROBOTIC VOICE: -34.2%. I am Ben, the numbers robot. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
It's just an exact, uh, calculation. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:28 | |
-ROBOTIC VOICE: -It is just an exact calculation. -OK. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:31 | |
So we're doing a huge media blitz to publicize the Harvest Festival, | 0:01:31 | 0:01:34 | |
and we've got TV, newspaper, radio, | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
and I even called Oprah. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:40 | |
Well, I tried to call Oprah. I-I couldn't get her number. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
I'm putting it out there like the secret... | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
And hopefully she'll call me. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:49 | |
Our first interview is at 93.7 FM with Crazy Ira and the Douche. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:52 | |
-IMITATING DJ: -Crazy Ira and.. -..the Douche. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:55 | |
They are Pawnee's most hilarious drive-time radio guys. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:58 | |
So much better than Tubby Tony and the Papaya. Am I right? | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
They're seriously so funny. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:02 | |
-Is this right? -This feels almost perfect, | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
but I don't think your core has maximised elasticity. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:09 | |
OK, um, I'll come back if you guys are being weird. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:12 | |
No, no, no, no! You're exactly the person that I most want to talk to | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
right at this moment. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:16 | |
-And Lunge. -Oh. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
Have you given my offer any more thought? | 0:02:18 | 0:02:19 | |
What exactly would happen if I said yes? | 0:02:19 | 0:02:22 | |
You would work at the State House. You would coordinate | 0:02:22 | 0:02:25 | |
my professional and personal schedule, and we would give you | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
a small relocation fee for your move to Indianapolis. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
-SOFTLY: -Oh, that sounds boring. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:31 | |
-NORMAL VOICE: -But I have nothing keeping me here. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
Do you have Internet in your office? | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
-SNAPS FINGERS -Yes. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
-SNAPS FINGERS -Fine. I'll do it. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
That is literally the best news that I've heard all day. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
'Unlike April,' | 0:02:42 | 0:02:44 | |
I still do not know what my future holds with Chris, | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
and it's starting to bum me out. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:50 | |
I need some more vitamin D. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:52 | |
Yeah. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
Oh, hey, crazy. What was that meeting about? | 0:02:54 | 0:02:58 | |
Oh, it turns out Chris is my real Dad. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:00 | |
I think you're lying. I think I know what that meeting was about. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:03 | |
You can't go to Indianapolis. There's got to be something | 0:03:03 | 0:03:06 | |
that I can do to convince you how much I care about you. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:09 | |
-HE GASPS: -Tell me your least favourite things | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
-you have to do every day, and I'll do them for a month. -Fine. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
If you do everything I hate for a month, | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
then I might begin to think about the possibility | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
of thinking about maybe staying. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:23 | |
That's all I have to hear. You won't live to regret this. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:27 | |
Unless Andy can un-kiss Ann, | 0:03:27 | 0:03:31 | |
then I'm not going to change my mind. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
But if he wants to take my dumb sister to her dumb dance class, | 0:03:34 | 0:03:37 | |
then I'm not going to dumb stop him. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
'Crazy Ira and the Douche... 93.7.' | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
You know why I'd never be an astronaut? | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
Two words - space farts. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
You can't roll down the window of the shuttle. Am I right, folks? | 0:03:49 | 0:03:53 | |
Houston, we have a... FARTING | 0:03:53 | 0:03:54 | |
Now, what do you think about that, Neil Armstrong? | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
-'That's one small...' -FARTING -'..for man.' | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
-'One giant...' -FARTING -'..for mankind.' | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
LAUGHING | 0:04:01 | 0:04:02 | |
All right, switching gears here now. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:05 | |
We got Leslie Knope and Tom Haverfart... | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
FARTING ..and, uh, Ben Wyatt, | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
and they're in the hizzy to talk about | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
an upcoming event called the Harvest Festival. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:14 | |
Well, the Douche, it's a Pawnee tradition, | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
and it's where fun meets awesome... | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
meets agriculture. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
And it is going to be next month right here in Pawnee. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
And, spoiler alert, it's going to have the best corn maze ever. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:27 | |
You lost your virginity in a corn maze, didn't you, Douche? | 0:04:27 | 0:04:30 | |
Oh, that's right, to your mom. WOMAN MOANING | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
"Crazy Ira, clean your room!" | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
-There's also going to be hayrides. -"Hey, ride me" | 0:04:35 | 0:04:38 | |
is what Crazy Ira's mom said. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:39 | |
Stop it! | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
WOMAN MOANING | 0:04:41 | 0:04:42 | |
TOM: China Joe, you are a poet! | 0:04:42 | 0:04:45 | |
LAUGHING | 0:04:45 | 0:04:46 | |
My bird is missing. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:48 | |
I need a permit to post signs. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:49 | |
Oh, let me just look for that form. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
There's no time! He can fly! | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
'Nine things April hates to do.' | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
"Number one - run the permits desk for an hour." | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
That's no problem. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:00 | |
I eat running the permits desk for an hour for breakfast. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
-Ow, that's... Ow. -Henry, stop it. -Ow. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:06 | |
OK, Henry. Cute kid. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:09 | |
Andy, got a sec? | 0:05:09 | 0:05:11 | |
-Yeah. -Henry. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
Why are you working the permits desk? | 0:05:14 | 0:05:16 | |
And why was that child clubbing your nuggets? | 0:05:16 | 0:05:19 | |
I'm trying to stop April from taking a job with Chris, | 0:05:19 | 0:05:23 | |
so I'm doing everything she hates doing for the next month. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
-That's going to work? -She said it might. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:29 | |
But it's all I got, man. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
Give me the list. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:35 | |
I'll help you. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:36 | |
Oh, my God. Thank you. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
You got it. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
No, I don't care about their relationship. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:45 | |
I just don't want to lose April. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
I would never be able to find a worse assistant. | 0:05:47 | 0:05:51 | |
OK, thanks, Leslie. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:52 | |
But you know what we really want to do today | 0:05:52 | 0:05:55 | |
is have a chat with Ben Wyatt here. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:58 | |
-Come on, Ben. -No, I'm more of a behind the scenes kind of guy. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:01 | |
Well, it's either come with us or get in the spank chair. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:04 | |
So maybe it's time for an interview. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
Come on, everybody, give him a hand. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
-Come on over, Ben. -Oh, yeah. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
So this guy, Ben Wyatt, we're looking him up on Altavista. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:15 | |
He's from some hick town - Partridge, Minnesota - | 0:06:15 | 0:06:19 | |
and, when he's 18, he's elected mayor. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:24 | |
PATRIOTIC MUSIC | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
FARTING | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
That's funny. That's funny. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:33 | |
He's 18, becomes the mayor, | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
and then blows the whole budget on an ice-skating rink. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:39 | |
City goes bankrupt. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:40 | |
-EXPLOSION -You're out of there! | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
What did you call it again, Ben? | 0:06:42 | 0:06:44 | |
-LAUGHING -What was it called? Say it. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:47 | |
Ice Town. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:48 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
I was just a... I was a kid, and, um, when you...you... | 0:06:50 | 0:06:55 | |
you end up getting out there and, uh...and there's a... | 0:06:55 | 0:06:59 | |
Oh, I really wish you guys could see this guy right now. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:01 | |
He is "draunched" is sweat. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:03 | |
There's...there's also going to be ponies at the Harvest Festival. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
All right, let's take a caller from Douche nation. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:09 | |
-All right, talk to me, caller. -'What's up, guys?' | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
-'Just douchein' over here in Eagleton.' -Sweet! | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
'Seems like 18 is pretty young for a mayor.' | 0:07:14 | 0:07:16 | |
'What were you, like, 12?' LAUGHING | 0:07:16 | 0:07:19 | |
The funny, um... | 0:07:19 | 0:07:21 | |
When... | 0:07:21 | 0:07:22 | |
I guess... | 0:07:22 | 0:07:23 | |
The fortunate, um... | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
Can we just sort of...? | 0:07:27 | 0:07:30 | |
PAC-MAN DEATH SOUND EFFECT | 0:07:30 | 0:07:31 | |
'Game over, man! Game over!' | 0:07:31 | 0:07:34 | |
Nice job, man! Was that your first time | 0:07:34 | 0:07:35 | |
talking to other people? Cos it came off that way. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:37 | |
You embarrassed me in front of the Douche. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
I'm sorry, you guys. I just... I haven't had to deal with | 0:07:39 | 0:07:42 | |
that mayor stuff for 17 years. I guess I'm not totally over it. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:45 | |
-No worries. Look, it was just a bump in the road. -OK. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
Fortunately, the Leslie-mobile is an all-terrain vehicle. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:50 | |
So everything involving Ben is fine. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:52 | |
I just need to talk to you in private | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
about something different that is not Ben related. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:57 | |
Ben, good job. | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
-Your boy's a nightmare! -I know, but we need him. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
If they ask us about the budget, he's our numbers guy. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
Well, we should just slap Ray-Bans on a calculator, | 0:08:04 | 0:08:06 | |
cos that would be way more charming. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
I'll do the newspaper interview. You and Ben do Channel Four. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:12 | |
Perd Hapley is a big softy. It'll be a puff piece. He can do it. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:15 | |
'So how are you liking Pawnee?' | 0:08:15 | 0:08:17 | |
Um, there are a lot of... A lot of cars. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
I mean, not too many... | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
trucks and stuff. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:23 | |
But, uh, yeah. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
Cool. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:27 | |
-Good talk, Ice Town. -OK. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:29 | |
Wow. Who knew that watercress, garbanzo beans, | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
and walnuts could complement each other so well? | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
Good dressing too, right? | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
Flaxseed and agave... | 0:08:39 | 0:08:40 | |
same basic ingredients as bird feed. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:43 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:08:43 | 0:08:44 | |
I'm just going to come right out and say it. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:48 | |
I want to define your bagua. | 0:08:48 | 0:08:49 | |
-OK. What's that? -It's a feng shui term. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:53 | |
The energy in this house is a little stale, | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
but I think I could redefine your flow in a very positive way. | 0:08:56 | 0:09:01 | |
Great. I'm not really attached to the way this stuff is arranged | 0:09:01 | 0:09:05 | |
or the stuff itself or this house even, really. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:09 | |
Great. Let's do it. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:10 | |
Am I not being obvious enough? | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
I feel like I'm being obvious. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:14 | |
This just in. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
Harvest Festival? More like Harvest "Bestival." | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
The Parks Department has planted the seeds, | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
and now they're harvesting the rewards. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
Great, you done? | 0:09:22 | 0:09:24 | |
They'll put the "fun" in funnel cake. OK, now I'm done. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
-Tell me about Ben Wyatt. -Sure. He works for the state government, | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
and he's been coming to advise us about our budget. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
Oh, come on, Leslie. The Douche blew the story wide open. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
Ben Wyatt bankrupts a town and then comes to Pawnee | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
to tell us how to spend our money? | 0:09:37 | 0:09:38 | |
There's no story here, Shauna. He's just a dedicated civil servant | 0:09:38 | 0:09:42 | |
who's doing whatever he can to make sure | 0:09:42 | 0:09:43 | |
that this is the best Harvest Festival ever. | 0:09:43 | 0:09:47 | |
-And he's easy on the eyes too. -SHE CHUCKLES | 0:09:47 | 0:09:50 | |
Um, what exactly is the nature of your relationship with him? | 0:09:50 | 0:09:52 | |
Strictly professional, just friends. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:54 | |
-So are you colleagues or friends? -We are colleagues with benefits. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:58 | |
We're colleagues who benefit from the fact that we're also friends. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:04 | |
I'm sorry, Shauna. I think I need to go. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
But, um, thank you so much. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:08 | |
And as always, everything I said is off the record. OK? Bye. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
-What's the next task? -Oh, we have to write her grandmother | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
a thank-you note for a birthday cheque. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
It has to be really good, too, cos it's five months late. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:19 | |
Never written a thank-you note before. This will be fun. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
What does she call her? | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
Gamma. No, Nannaw. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
Or Nanna... Gizmo. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
Something like that. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:29 | |
This is for your Gizmo. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
I think you'll find it's pretty good. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:36 | |
"Dear April's grandmother." | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
I said grandfather. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:39 | |
-Oh. Oops. OK. -"You are a beautiful and amazing woman... " Man. | 0:10:39 | 0:10:43 | |
"I hope someday I can become half the woman you are." He's a man. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:47 | |
"Thank you for the 500." It was 5. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
"Enjoy the Mouse Rat CD." | 0:10:49 | 0:10:50 | |
He is deaf. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:52 | |
OK, do you want me to make those changes, or is it good? | 0:10:52 | 0:10:55 | |
Before we do this next interview, there's a little secret | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
I want to let you in on. It's called the Haverford Schmooze. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:02 | |
-I was just caught off guard. I'm fine. -Three easy steps... | 0:11:02 | 0:11:05 | |
Smile... | 0:11:05 | 0:11:06 | |
friendly physical contact, and flattery. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:10 | |
Hey, Perd, is your dad Robocop? Cos your arms are guns. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
-Robocop didn't have guns for arms. -Oh, my God. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
-That's so not the point, you nerd. -I'm just saying. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:18 | |
-Why are we at a mall? -I'm getting you a new suit. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
I've let this go on long enough. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:22 | |
-I like this suit. -You shouldn't, cos it looks like garbage. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:26 | |
-Your suit looks more like garbage. -Oh, really? | 0:11:26 | 0:11:29 | |
-Yeah. -Cos Brooks Brothers Boys doesn't make garbage. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
OK, this next thing is a photography-class assignment. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:35 | |
Can you figure that out? | 0:11:35 | 0:11:37 | |
"Encapsulate the spirit of melancholy." | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
-Melancholy. -Give me this. Easy. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
Boom - a sad desk. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
Boom - sad wall. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:45 | |
It's art. Anything is anything. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
Oh, right on. I'll go drop this off and pick up the mail. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:52 | |
Sad floor. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:53 | |
It does look sad...kind of. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:57 | |
Sorry for stepping on you, floor. | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
DOOR OPENS, CLOSES | 0:12:00 | 0:12:01 | |
Hey. You got Andy doing all your work for you? | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
Yes. But he said he wanted to do it. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
I'm only doing it, because I'm getting... | 0:12:07 | 0:12:10 | |
Yeah, I don't care. I got something to add to your list. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:12 | |
Yep. There we go. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
That's the stuff. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:17 | |
April really does this every day? | 0:12:17 | 0:12:20 | |
Yes. Work the heel. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:21 | |
-Andy, can I be next? -Yeah. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:25 | |
I've got a corn so big, you could slap butter on it. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:28 | |
Welcome to Ya' Heard with Perd. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
I'm Perd Hapley. The story of our guests today is that | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
they are from the Department of Parks and Recreation - | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
Ben Wyatt and Tom Haverford. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:37 | |
What up, Perd? Big fan. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:39 | |
-Me too, Perd. What up? -The thing about this first question is... | 0:12:39 | 0:12:44 | |
I'd like to ask you about the Harvest Festival. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:46 | |
Perd, it's going to be amazing... Carnival rides, games. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:49 | |
Sweetums is even building a plus-sized roller coaster | 0:12:49 | 0:12:52 | |
for some of Pawnee's obese thrill seekers. | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
You must be this wide to ride. | 0:12:55 | 0:12:56 | |
Wow. That's going to be a pretty big roller coaster. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:59 | |
Yep. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
Hey, guys, how'd it go? | 0:13:01 | 0:13:02 | |
Well, there were some sticky moments. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
Let's go to the video tape! | 0:13:04 | 0:13:05 | |
'Ah! Look... | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
'Who hasn't had gay thoughts? | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
-'Who? -You OK? -Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. I mean, you know, | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
'sometimes I feel like I might need glasses. ..Is there a bird in here? | 0:13:13 | 0:13:17 | |
'I swear I keep seeing a bird in the studio.' | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
-How did this happen? -He was fine until Perd | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
started asking him about the boy-mayor stuff. | 0:13:22 | 0:13:24 | |
What's wrong with you? You look psychotic. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:26 | |
'I was 18 when I was elected mayor, OK? So excuse me for that. | 0:13:26 | 0:13:30 | |
'Cindy Eckert had just turned me down for senior prom. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
'Do you know how that feel...? I should call her. I should. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:35 | |
'I... No, I shouldn't. And I'm not going to, | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
'and I'm proud of myself for that.' | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
And then he talked about feeling up Cindy Eckert | 0:13:39 | 0:13:42 | |
for the first time for about five minutes. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
And then the show ended... | 0:13:44 | 0:13:46 | |
as did our careers and probably Harvest Fest. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS | 0:13:48 | 0:13:50 | |
Boom - sadness. That's the one. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:52 | |
Natalie. Hey. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
It's me, Andy. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:57 | |
-You're an hour and a half late. -I know. I know. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
I had to massage a tonne of feet... | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
Super sorry. | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
Come on, get in. I-I need to do everything on April's list, | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
-or she's not going to go out with me. -You're into April? | 0:14:06 | 0:14:09 | |
Ah. Come on. We'll talk about it in the car. | 0:14:09 | 0:14:12 | |
-Hold on. I'll get my books. -OK. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:14 | |
OK, great. Call me. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:17 | |
That should be some damage control. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
I'm having dinner with Perd Hapley. Tom, what do we have? | 0:14:20 | 0:14:22 | |
I've gotten calls from a dozen businesses | 0:14:22 | 0:14:24 | |
thinking about pulling their sponsorships. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:26 | |
-Sweetums might cancel the fat-coaster. -Oh, my God. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
OK, look, we need to focus. We still have the Pawnee Today interview. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:31 | |
Well, is it too late to cancel? | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
Yeah, yeah, it's too late to cancel. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
Joan Callamezzo runs this town. But, Ben, don't worry about it. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:39 | |
-You're not going in front of the camera. -Fine with me. | 0:14:39 | 0:14:42 | |
-Are you trying to lure this young lady into your van? -Yeah. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:45 | |
But she's being really difficult about it. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:48 | |
Uh, and it's actually not my van. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:50 | |
Uh, I stole it from a friend of mine. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:52 | |
I technically shouldn't be even driving, because, er... | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
my licence is crazy expired. HE CHUCKLES | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
That's, er, Dwyer. D-W-Y-E-R. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:02 | |
Oh, dude! Come on, I got to get out of here! | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
Natalie, tell this guy you know me. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:08 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:15:08 | 0:15:09 | |
Joan! Oh, I thought you were | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
Jennifer Aniston filming a movie here. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
BOTH LAUGH | 0:15:15 | 0:15:16 | |
Joan, let's make a pact, OK? | 0:15:16 | 0:15:18 | |
If we're both still single in an hour, let's get married. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:20 | |
-Tom, I'm already married. -Oh, that's right, to Seal. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:23 | |
Oh, I confused you with Heidi Klum again. | 0:15:23 | 0:15:25 | |
-Oh! -See you later, Joan. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:28 | |
-That's how it's done. -JOAN LAUGHING | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
OK, five, four... | 0:15:30 | 0:15:31 | |
Hello, and welcome to Pawnee Today. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:34 | |
I'm Joan Callamezzo. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
Today's guest is Leslie Knope, | 0:15:36 | 0:15:37 | |
who is here to tell us how this year's Harvest Festival | 0:15:37 | 0:15:40 | |
is going to bankrupt the city. | 0:15:40 | 0:15:42 | |
Well, Joan, actually, there's a lot f false information flying around. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:46 | |
-The Harvest Festival is... -Just jumping right in. That's rude. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
I just want everyone to know what an extraordinary event | 0:15:49 | 0:15:52 | |
-this is going to be. -But at what cost? | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
How many cities does Ben Wyatt need to destroy | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
-before he's put behind bars? -Ben Wyatt has done nothing wrong. | 0:15:57 | 0:16:01 | |
You know, if you want to ask him questions, let's go for it, huh? | 0:16:01 | 0:16:05 | |
Just ask any question about his past or present. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
Just get it over with. Ben, let's get up here. Yeah, yeah, come on. | 0:16:08 | 0:16:11 | |
We'll just ask him a bunch of questions, and then we'll get | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
-everything cleared and out of the way. Sound good? Yeah? -Great. -Good. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
Uh, let's take some calls, Joan. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
-Why don't you? -OK. Uh, caller, are you there? | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
'Yeah, how can you justify raising taxes | 0:16:20 | 0:16:23 | |
'for something that will hurt the town?' | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
I... | 0:16:26 | 0:16:27 | |
For... | 0:16:29 | 0:16:30 | |
Uh, just to add to what Ben's stammering about, | 0:16:31 | 0:16:34 | |
um, we aren't going to raise taxes, | 0:16:34 | 0:16:36 | |
-so that's that. -SHE CHUCKLES | 0:16:36 | 0:16:39 | |
Next caller. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:40 | |
Do you fish, April? | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
-No. Fish are gross. -Let me give you a piece of fishing advice. | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
-I said I don't... -When you have a fish on the line, | 0:16:47 | 0:16:50 | |
you don't just drag it behind the boat. | 0:16:50 | 0:16:52 | |
You either reel it in, or you cut him loose, | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
especially if he's a nice fish with a big, lovable fish heart. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:58 | |
-You don't know what you're talking about. -Maybe not. | 0:16:58 | 0:17:01 | |
Maybe you really do hate Andy. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:03 | |
Maybe moving to Indianapolis just to get revenge on him | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
is a really good idea. What do I know? | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
MOBILE PHONE RINGS, VIBRATES | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
You are going to love this. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:19 | |
Verosian tea really supercharges the bacteria in your colon. | 0:17:19 | 0:17:22 | |
Plus, it smells interesting. Waft it. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:24 | |
Are we actually ever going to drink it, | 0:17:24 | 0:17:27 | |
or we're just going to sniff it? | 0:17:27 | 0:17:28 | |
I love sniffing. Don't get me wrong. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:30 | |
You are hilarious. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:32 | |
So you're leaving soon. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
Um, back to Indianapolis briefly and then on to a town | 0:17:35 | 0:17:38 | |
called Snerling, Indiana, for several months. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:41 | |
Never heard of it. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:42 | |
It's quite small. The cows outnumber the people 40 to one. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
It sounds amazing. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:47 | |
I like you a lot. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:49 | |
I love spending time with you. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:52 | |
And I thoroughly enjoy you, Ann Perkins. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:54 | |
I just think we need to talk about what that means for us. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:58 | |
-I don't want to be clingy. I... -Please, it is something | 0:17:58 | 0:18:01 | |
that we need to figure out, and we should do that right now. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:04 | |
I'm so happy you said that. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:07 | |
Wow, that's disgusting. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
Yes, it's very hard to drink. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:11 | |
-'Yeah, why should we trust this Ben Wyatt guy?' -Because I'm trusty. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:19 | |
Trust me. I'm trustworthy. And I am working very hard to... | 0:18:19 | 0:18:25 | |
HE SIGHS: ..make sure that this town gets back on its feet. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:28 | |
There we go. OK, great. Next caller. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:31 | |
'So I looked you up on Altavista, and I found out | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
'that the last seven towns you've gone to ended up bankrupt.' | 0:18:33 | 0:18:36 | |
OK, first of all, why does everyone in this town use Altavista? | 0:18:36 | 0:18:40 | |
Is it 1997? And second, I am a budget specialist. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:44 | |
I went to those towns BECAUSE they were bankrupt, and now they aren't. | 0:18:44 | 0:18:49 | |
And, yeah, I screwed up when I was 18, | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
but who doesn't do dumb stuff when they're 18? | 0:18:51 | 0:18:54 | |
-Joan? -I stole my... | 0:18:54 | 0:18:56 | |
-CLEARS THROAT -..gym teacher's husband. | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
So there you go. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:01 | |
Well, what else do you got, callers? Going once, going twi... | 0:19:02 | 0:19:06 | |
-Oh, here we go. -'Yeah, hi. | 0:19:06 | 0:19:08 | |
'Um, can you tell me more about the corn maze at the Harvest Festival? | 0:19:08 | 0:19:11 | |
'Are dogs allowed?' | 0:19:11 | 0:19:12 | |
-Hello. -Hello. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:17 | |
How did it go today? | 0:19:17 | 0:19:18 | |
It was super fun. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:19 | |
-It was? -Yeah. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
Do you have a list for tomorrow? | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
SHE SCOFFS | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
You want to do this again tomorrow? | 0:19:25 | 0:19:26 | |
Yes, I do. That's the deal, right? I got to do it for a whole month | 0:19:26 | 0:19:29 | |
and then, you're not going to move to Indianapolis... | 0:19:29 | 0:19:32 | |
-I better be the only person you kissed today. -I am... | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
I'm positive that you are. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:44 | |
BEN CHUCKLES 'If I thought you were serious, | 0:19:46 | 0:19:48 | |
'I'd be offended, Perd, but I know we're buddies, | 0:19:48 | 0:19:50 | |
'and I know you wouldn't do that to me. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
'But, no, this is a birthmark, Perd, OK? | 0:19:52 | 0:19:54 | |
'This is the little scar I got when I was nine | 0:19:54 | 0:19:57 | |
'and I fell off my bike, so, no, I'm not perfect!' | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
-I can't look away. -It's a... It's amazing. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
OK, wait, wait, no. Here's the best part. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
'OK, uh, that's all the time we have here on Ya' Heard. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:07 | |
'I'm Perd Hapley, Channel Four. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:09 | |
HE SCOFFS 'More like "Turd Crapley." ' | 0:20:09 | 0:20:12 | |
-Yes, yes. -Yeah? | 0:20:12 | 0:20:13 | |
-Bravo! -Thank you very much. | 0:20:13 | 0:20:15 |